Moishe Bane on Chinuch Part 2

the starting premise is that when a child gets reprimanded you're creating a distance between the parent and the child and we can't afford those distances we live in such a vulnerable environment that children who are distanced from the home values are vulnerable to all kinds of external influences because they'll be looking elsewhere for their guidance so we don't want to create that that distance the problem is that there is a concept called stika haida that when you see something and you don't say anything about it you're conceding that it's acceptable so the first thing that a parent needs to do is to learn how to not see and make sure the child doesn't see that you saw the child's inappropriate behavior but once you have done that and you now know in your mind that this child needs to be taught how to be more generous needs how to not play better with their with their siblings or their friends to be less angry when somebody insults them and they haven't seen that you've seen that improper behavior you use the shabbos table as an opportunity to raise context in which that is an important lesson having nothing to do with children having nothing to do with that child in particular for sure and you're conveying you know this is what you know the situation and the person wasn't generous or look how generous they were or how i was in someone's house and i was watching their kids it was so beautiful how they were sharing their toys a child who's not being lectured to they're going to accept that they're going to inculcate that i remember many times in which i would do that in my home and then hear my children telling their friends about a value that i was trying to convey and i have no doubt that had i said that in reprimand to a behavior it would have been totally rejected because like i said children are humans and no one wants to be told what to do [Music]