Moishe Bane on Chinuch Part 1

one of the biggest mistakes that parents miss is that you're conveying to your children on a consistent basis how you value your relationship with them and where that that where that relationship sits on your hierarchy of priorities and if a parent wants a child to take a parent seriously and to care about a parent's values they're only going to do that if they see that the parent cares about them as a priority because a child who believes that their parents are doing things and telling them things or making rules for the parents benefit not for their benefit those are going to be rejected there's going to be a rebellion a child who however sees that all the parent cares about is the child themselves they're going to accept it even when it's uncomfortable even when it may not be what they want to be doing so one of the examples that i i wrote is the true story that i was sitting in in shoal on friday night and i my i had three sons when they were young and we'd go to show together friday night and they'd be sitting with me in in our pews and one friday night a guy comes over to me and says you know bane you're you're a mean person i go i know that how do you know that she says well look look around look in the back and you see all these kids they're all sitting with their friends and you make your children sit next to you that's so mean i go i don't know i've never once told my children to sit with me and show really you never told them why are they sitting with you and those kids are not i said i make a following suggestion go outside tonight after diving is over and watch people walk home and if they're walking home talking to their children their children know that that's what they care about and those kids will want to sit with their father because they'll want to be with their father just like their father wants to be with them but watch the men who are walking home talking to their friends and their kids are walking behind them talking to each other that father is telling those children i'd rather talk to my friends than do you you know what the kid's going to say i'd rather talk to my friends into you as well and that's what's happening in shoals we have to create an environment in which we really sincerely believe and feel that our children are our priorities and we not only love them but we respect them and there's a very big difference between loving and respecting children loving is i'm protecting them respect them as i'm engaging them and we don't engage children if we engage children then they're going to be much more receptive to our values and our causes [Music]