Echoes of the Shofar: A Journey of Redemption - Ari Abramowitz: The Land of Israel Fellowship

the last words I shared at the end of the fellowship were words of blessing that we should be uh successful over rosashana in coronating Hashem as the King right not only King over the whole world in a sort of cosmic massive gargantuan larger than us way but but perhaps even more importantly in our own Hearts give me a thumbs up if you remember this blessing I gave you okay so well you know I said that one of the ways that we can do this on a on like a a practical level is by lovingly accepting everything that happens to us all that happens to us over the holiday particularly the things that we didn't think or expect should have happened to us over Russia Shana because it never fully turns out how you think it should or how you wish it would it just doesn't go that way well I had no idea the degree to which I was blessing myself with that particular blessing I had no idea how important that blessing would be for me personally so here's the story I'm going to share with you and I want to sort of bring you on the journey with me the way it happens and I hope when you hear it it's as worthy to you to hear as it was for me to experience um so it's no secret that I love the chaar I mean there have been many Great Moments particularly over the past few years where I've stood on my balcony and powerfully sounded the chaar over the hills of Judea as a matter of fact the Jerusalem Post whenever they talk about Aliah most of the time they take a picture of me blowing the chofar next to an LL flight of new immigrants that are coming down the stairs and that's like their stock footage is me with the chofar so every year on Rush you know I I sound the hundreds of notes for people that couldn't make it to synagogue you know particularly women that needed to stay home with the kids or whatever it is I've sounded the chofar at old age homes before for many different groups truth is I'm pretty I'm pretty confident with it now as you know we at the arugot farm are quite close with the nearby community of e they're the closest I've ever had to a real community that I live in and so the day before the holiday my friend sahi who organizes their prayers called me and told me that Yoni who's the regular Community chauff far blower year after year he's incredible right he was called up to the Army and he's in Lebanon this year hopefully he's blowing the show for them so they wanted to know if I could be a backup in case schoi the guy who was going to sound the chaar this year was called up to the Army and he couldn't make it now I've never sounded the chofar in this sort of very lofty and esteemed official capacity in the synagogue but when I'm called upon I say yes I try to say always yes so I responded he here I am and so I brought the chofar on the 20-minute walk to IAL to the nearby Village and it turns out out that schi was there and ready to blow but everybody seemed to be really excited to have me do it as well including schoi so they decided to have us divided up I told them there's no need to I went to schom and said you do it I was just here as a backup to you but they really seemed to have their hearts set on it they were just being kind and gracious that's just the type of people that they are and so they wanted me to have the opportunity to do it to such an honor okay so let me set the stage here okay prayers on rosashana start in the morning at around 7:30 a.m. and at about 10:15 after the shakar service the synagogue takes a 15minute break before the blowing of the chauff far to give people an opportunity to go home to make k douche to have a cookie or something and then everyone I mean everyone reconvenes in the synagogue to hear the chaar blow there's pretty there's no one left at home no one man woman child guest everybody can in the synagogue standing room only they're all standing there with baited breath for the chofar it's the most intense and Powerful moment arguably of the year is the St is the stage set okay so as the moment approached I was praying fervently I'd never done this before I felt the magnitude of the moment I prayed to Hashem saying Hashem please empty me of my ego and let me be a vessel through which I and this holy sweet Community coronate you as king Hashem please let me be worthy and if Hashem it's not in your will that I should be successful then let my name my ego my reputation my dignity whatever it is let it be a sacrifice to you this is an sort of an ancient prayer that I say in in moments of Truth before a big moment in my life and so from my heart I express that because you have to understand it is not always smooth I can remember many times in my life that the Chau far blower of the congregation struggles sputters just a friend of mine today told me that in his congregation growing up they regularly had to switch people out but you know it can often be a challenging thing and I know when it happens that I wince you know I know that everybody winces it's just the most naturally thing to do it's it's hard to see someone struggling like that and so the rabbi who would be calling out the notes a very very holy and Pious man who I love his name is RAV amnon he signaled to me that I should make the blessing which I did with all of my heart and the moment had arrived and he announced tea the primary note the longest notes and I started blowing and it wasn't coming smoothly like it usually does I was sputtering but I thought okay I just need to adjust the positioning in my mouth turn the chaar around and get my bearings and I struggled and then came out a very powerful tea blast bar thank God at least that was this was my experience you tell me Jeremy if you're listening you know it's hard for me to remember exactly how it went and then he said sharima which is supposed to sound like [Laughter] this right and I was able to sound those with relative success and then teia and I believe I sounded that one powerfully as well but then the next note we're only like uh you know 20% through it the next note the next tea it simply wouldn't sound I struggled I blew the chaar with all that I had all you could hear was I mean it was it it wouldn't sound out of the corner of my eye I saw Jeremy's son AKA wincing just as I would have been and I tried and I tried and my lungs were out and my mouth was exhausted and I tried so hard that for the sake of the congregation I felt like it was the right thing to hand it over to schoi which I did Jeremy you there are you listening you listening jery anyways maybe he's not he's not able to hear anyways schom knocked it out of the park I mean it was perfect and beautiful and I just stood there next to him with my eyes closed being in shocked disbelief an absolute embarrassment about what just happened you know but but fighting to put myself aside and let the sound of the chaar you know course through my body and my soul which I'm grateful I was able to do for the most part considering the circumstances I then went to my seat and stood there for a moment feeling a degree of embarrassment that I don't think I've ever felt before in my life you know Jerry Seinfeld jokes that according to the polls the greatest fear the people have a fear greater than death the number one greatest fear is the fear of public speaking because of the potential public embarrassment which could result meaning he says that most people would actually rather be the person in the box at the funeral than the person giving the eulogy well the degree of embarrassment that I felt at that moment was overwhelming beyond anything that I had ever known for maybe a minute I think even less because as just as the dust settled just a little bit within that very first moment I gathered my myself and I said Thank You Hashem and then again and by the third or the fourth time with my whole Essence I was declaring thank you Hashem thank you Hashem I actually said the words out loud in a whisper but in actual words I said Thank You Hashem thank you Hashem it's not that the embarrassment was gone not at all it was there but with my whole heart for reasons I didn't even understand at the time I was thanking Hashem for it maybe it was like on um like on some level all of these fellowships were practice and this was the Moment of Truth have the truth that we've learned together every week really penetrated my heart have they really penetrated from my heart to from my head to my heart into my Essence that I can apply them and live that in a moment of truth and I'm grateful to all of you and I'm grateful to hhm to say very much yes I don't know the degree how to rate it how to grade it but you know I I said I said I closed my eyes I said Hashem you're the king you decide what is good and what is bad and if that's the way you wanted my chaar blowing to go then thank you you're the King again I won't say that the embarrassment went away because it didn't but my experience of it radically changed right as the blood was rushing from my face it felt like an ego death on some level felt like cleansing the truth is that that it's still new and it's still fresh and so the dust is still settling but I realized right then that I was experiencing a uniquely precious moment in my life and I felt filled with gratitude that hasham was giving me the Consciousness and the awareness and perhaps the courage to harness it for the great moment of opportunity that it was um you know Perhaps Perhaps I didn't succeed in coronating Hashem in the way that I wanted to or in the conventional way that it usually happens but I felt like perhaps I was able to coronate Hashem in the way that he wanted me to right to coronate him in in my heart I was not filled with regret or protest or humiliation or why did I do this and why did I say yes and why were they telling me to do it I I mean there were still to be waves of embarrassment to come I'm still having that but I stood there for the duration of the service and experienced s like I had never experienced before and a teaching that I had learned years ago rushed forth into my mind a teaching from RE that one who is embarrassed or shamed in public and they don't defend themselves or object to the humiliation that they are not vexed by the affront of their honor right that the embarrassment provides a spiritual atonement of the highest degree and I felt that it felt like a Mikvah right like a spiritual bath was washing over me and immediately the words of our daily prayers rushed into my heart right the god that hasm humbles the hotty and and he raises up the humble and like I said last week right I don't want to be let off the hook I want the correction and so I felt grateful in my heart for this humbling you know for for burning whatever hotess was in me right out of me you know because there's times people come out to the farm this is something I experience a lot and they see the Beauty and the magnet and incredible it's one of the most beautiful places in the country and they look at me and they're like wow what a Pioneer and what a builder and I could I tell them you know it's not me I said he and Hashem did this and it's a miracle of God and I didn't do it but I still feel that honor and that inflated happened there's almost nothing I can do about it and you know this was just burning all of it out of me and I really felt like at that moment the way like I'm nothing I really felt that I'm really nothing in like a a good way you know without hashem's help I can't even sound a Chau far you know and I was so humbled and it was painful but it's a pain which I felt at that moment at the moment not when I left the world and looked back at the moment but at the moment it felt like a pain that I wouldn't trade for anything and so I walked home knowing that what just happened would most likely be the table talk at most lunch tables in that Village right if not all of them not in a negative or a gossipy way at all you can't gossip about like everybody was there right it's not in that way people like me in that Village I really feel like that I know that they like me because I like them so much after all I'm the Candyman who doesn't like the Candyman and I give out organic lollipops not that that stuff with all the chemicals the mothers are grateful for it everybody likes the Candyman you know but people would be talking about it and most likely feeling bad for me but you know what that was that was okay by me you know part of me was even happy that I could give them something to feel compassionate over because compassion is a a holy emotion it's a Godly emotion so that is a good feeling for them to be feeling on R and I remember just feeling grateful that Hashem was allowing me to experience this this whole event in such a compassionate way since then I've spoken to people in the in the village and they said how are you doing AR and I said how would you have felt if that was you and all of them the holy they're like devastated like they were devastated everyone was saying how devastated they would be how hard they would take that I mean there's like falling short and there's cataclysmic I mean it was it was and so you know on the way back home I was reflecting on the consequences that this could have on my name and my reputation or people going to look at me differently and I began to think of the terrible ways that hashem's name has been desecrated and dragged through the mud this past year throughout the last 2000s since the destruction of the temple but even just this past year because you know when the nation of Israel was raped and beheaded and murdered when God's people were so viciously desecrated and defiled his name experienced all of that with us his name was desecrated and defiled along with our own because as we know the name of the nation of Israel and the god of Israel are intertwined even our Exile itself the fact that it still exists the fact that there are still Jews in the diaspora after the gates of return have been opened that in and of itself is a desecration of his name as we read in the chapter 36 of of the Book of Ezekiel but when they came to those Nations they caused my Holy Name to be profane in that it was set of them these are God's people yet they had to leave their land therefore I am concerned for my Holy Name which the house of Israel have caused to be profaned among the Nations to which they have come say to the house of Israel thus said The Sovereign God not for your sake will I act oh House of Israel but for my Holy Name which you have caused to be profaned amongst the Nations to which you have come I will sanctify my great name that has been profaned among the Nations among whom you have caused it to be profane and the Nations shall know that I am God declares The Sovereign God when I manifest my Holiness Before Their Eyes through you through you right through you through us when our name is elevated his name is elevated and when our name is brought low his name is brought low and so it hit me deep in my heart that after much degradation that hashem's name has experienced this past year the embarrassment that I felt was less than nothing it was like the least the least I can do anyway so after Shabbat ended I sent a message to the WhatsApp group of the settlement telling them that that I've learned that I'm not yet a congregational chofar blower and I apologize to them that I needed to learn that lesson at their expense I know that I probably didn't need to write them this message to the whole group of everybody but I just wanted to address it so it just didn't go unspoken about indefinitely and of course they responded graciously with hearts and other nice emojis my friend my friend ysep he brought me cookies that night to make me feel better I think many people were simply you know projecting upon me how they would feel and relating to me from that place which is very human and very kind of them and Jeremy also you know when I came down from blowing the show far and then my head was still spinning Jeremy said it was the best CH far blowing I've ever heard I've ever heard it was the best and then after he took over it was just no good and I just said J I can't I can't listen to you right he's my best friend he's trying to make me feel better it's hard for me to accept that I really I really didn't accept that from Jeremy but then I received this message from my dear friend mayor I just want to play the beginning of it for you he said you know he said AR I I wanted to thank you because the moment in which you blew the Chau far was the most meaningful moment of my entire Rosa sh up in truth I really felt your heart when you sounded the tea and then when you got stuck my heart simply broke it was simply the most meaningful moment and it filled me with strength for the entire year I know you wrote that message of apology as if things didn't work out but as far as I'm concerned it was the best and it did exactly what it was supposed to do in my heart so thank you so that's what mayor said and I know him and he's a man he's a sincere man he's a simple man he's a man of Truth such a holy spiritual guy and I know that he really meant that and I I said to myself you know who know if something is from your heart it goes into the heart and we may not understand how or why but I just wanted to share that with you and that's my story and I wanted to share this with you because you know was a moment of significance in my life and I consider this Fellowship like family but also because going forward into these days of atonement I want to bless us to remember that Hashem is the king but what's so special about this king is that not only is he our king and the king of the universe but he's our father and he loves us and he formed Us in the womb and he knows he knows us far better than we know ourselves and he knows what is best for us and he knows what we need and so I bless us that we're able to receive his Corrections with humility and love and the knowledge that the greatest pain of our lives and the hardest challenges in our lives are nothing other than the greatest and most perfectly orchestrated opportunities that God has designed for us to return to him to come close to him and to grow in exactly the way that we need to grow during our very fleeting and precious time in this world and with that my friends allow me to bless you and all of us that we should be sealed in The Book of Life health happiness and closeness to God every moment of Our Lives amen