The Truth About Women in Orthodox Judaism - Rabbi Moshe Chaim Eade

What do the Orthodox believe about women? We will speak about that today. But first we have to begin the Mishnah to understand the entirety of this concept. So says the Mishnah the fifth Mishnah in Pirkei Avot. Yoisi ben Yochanan Ish Yerushalayim. Yoisi the son of Yochanan the man of Jerusalem said Yehi Beischa Pasuach Lerovacha. Your house should be open very wide. What does that mean your house should be open very wide? We already said previously that your house should be a Beis Vaad L'Chachamim, a place where the Rabbis want to gather. What does it mean it should be Pasuach? Says the Rambam, you should have an open gate. An open gate for those that are traveling through the wilderness. Shekol Holech Baderech Yitzterech Ledavar O Yiyarev O Yiyashan. Anybody who needs something, whether he needs a matter spiritually, he's hungry spiritually or physically, thirsty spiritually or physically, Yikanes Labayis Miyad. He'd be able to come into your house immediately. Meaning that it's literally open. In other words, it looks like you should not have any delay in helping somebody in need. Says Rashi, Pasuach Lerovacha, that your house should be very wide. It should be open to the four corners. Four directions. La Arba Ruchois. And he brings in the Pasuk in Iyov and Yoav, excuse me. V'chein Amar B'Yoav, V'Yaakov B'Veisai Bamidbar. Achiv Beisai Bamidbar? His house was in the desert? Of course not. And the Shahaya base like can midbar, his house was like a desert because a desert is open to all the directions. And here it said PT Lavardi. It's an interesting thing, but I thought you have to protect your house. Should you let everybody in? No protection? Do you have a door on your house? You're bigoted. Racist. A door on your house? Does no you shouldn't have any doors? It sounds like from the mission that it should be open wide. Open very wide. Out with the doors. It's interesting we know that one of the gazeras that the Greeks made against the Jewish nation was that you're not allowed to have doors on your houses. They took off the doors of the Jewish houses. Which was one of the ways of making it not sanua anymore. Not modest. It's a very deep thing because we always associate the Greeks that they didn't like shabbis, didn't like bris mila, they didn't like Rosh Chodesh, didn't like Torah. They also had some interesting gazeras. One of the gazeras was they were against doors on houses. They felt that there was something that would make them different, distinguished. Even though if you ask most people and you say are you bigoted for having a door on your house? They say no, I just I think it's the responsible thing to do. I have a door on the house. And the there's there's there's people that are sadly not healthy out there. And they're dangerous. And therefore, I want to make a distinction between that which is inside the house and that which is outside the house. And that's not racist or bigoted. It's being able to say that there's a specialness of what's happening inside the house that is not always for everybody outside the house. In fact, in the blessing and I hope everybody here becomes a chatan in the right time become a besiyata d'Shmaya. So, we give a blessing to the chatan and the kallah. And what's the blessing we say? We say, you should have a bayit ne'eman b'Yisrael. What does that mean? A bayit ne'eman b'Yisrael? A faithful house in Israel. >> That your house should always be with and for Hashem. >> That sounds good. That sounds good. I want to tell you I heard a very like Litvish uh you know, Lomdish p'shat. Said, you know, what's the What's a house in Lomdis? What is a house? A house is four mechitza's that essentially makes a separation between that which is in the house and that which is outside the house. That's a house in Lomdis. It means that this is one domain and outside is another domain. It's really when you look at it just from a purely geometrical Lomdish perspective, it makes a distinction which that which is inside and that which is outside. So, what does it mean a bayit ne'eman? If the bayit means the mechitza's, it means that the walls that hold up the house. What does it mean that the walls should be faithful? They shouldn't fall. They should remain standing that there should be a distinction between that which is inside the house and that which is outside the house. And what telling this couple is that what it means to have a Jewish home means that there's special things that we believe in that are unique. And those things have to be seen as sacred. And there's going to be a lot of influences that are going to try to sneak under the cracks in the doors to come in. And we have to be able to make a distinction between that which is outside the house and that which is inside the house. So at the same time that we make a blessing that we should have specialness and uniqueness and we were against what the Greeks did of taking off the doors, we seem to see in this mission of the exact opposite. You should have your doors open. So how do you balance that out? So we're going to have to go through Pirkei Avot and see that so much of Torah is to be a balanced person. To be a really balanced healthy person that at the same time as you have to protect the spiritual blessing of your home, at the same time you have to open up your home. You have to see your home as a place of giving. That your house has to be built this that you've closed your house off to the world is that you're building this this microcosm of being givers that when the time comes to open up the doors when people come in, you're just bursting with with giving and love. So we're going to learn as we go through that balance. Says the Mishnah Avot, V'yu aniyim b'nei beisecha. And the poor should be the members of your home. What does that mean, Moshe? The poor should be the members of your home. It sounds like even more, not just that people should come over if they need something. It should be part of the family. Says the Rambam. That the people that take care of your house, that run the affairs in the house, the butlers and the maids, should not be people that you bought as avadim. It's better that they should be those that are impoverished, that want to feel part of a family and help out, and can do something. Who yoisev roim miknoisa avadim. It's much better if you run a palace, we're talking about spiritually speaking, than buying all sorts of avadim. You know what's better? Let's go find the people that need rehabilitation in the community and that are poor, and let's let them work in the house, and get them back on their own two feet, and see a beautifully functioning Jewish home. With things that are not always perfect, but there's a goal in mind, people that are working towards something. They'll see Shabbos. They'll see good communication, mutual respect. Have those that are on the streets. Have those that are the impoverished taking on responsibility in your home. That's the ideal. I'm always just so amazed that we still have Jews today that are the Jews of Avraham Avinu and Yitzchak Avinu and Yaakov Avinu. If anyone's been here to the Machlis house of Nachlas Shlita, Rabbi Willig Shlita's father-in-law. So, his home is pasuch l'rovacha and the emimer bnei beischa. He has maybe 300 people every Shabbos come, maybe more, I don't know. It's open to everybody, to all of humanity. Jews, non-Jews, everybody comes. And it really started with his Rebbetzin of blessed memory, Rebbetzin Machlis, who you should see the ArtScroll biography on. It's amazing. And Rebbetzin Machlis, they say famously, that when she was looking for houses, so she she brought tape measures to the houses to see is this house going to be big enough if we're going to have enough people, can we can we can we host enough? And basically, for the number of decades afterwards, they just hosted endless. Like, literally, it's like going to Avraham Avinu. And they have people there that are on the streets that are part of the bnei habayis. They help run the affairs and pick up stuff and do some cooking, like that are helping to manage when you have a few hundred people every Shabbos, and the home is not so big, by the way. It's like coming to a regular mala dafna house. It's not. It's a regular house. I'm telling you, I've been there, and I've seen the miracles, the legends of the Machlis house. Is that there was literally not a spot in the entire house. You literally squish like this. You can't even get up to They wash, they bring buckets of water, and they send around buckets of water. With Matisyahu diamond cups to all the people. Somebody knocks on the door, there's another 20 Yeshiva guys. So, Reb Matisyahu is looks up. He's like like there's tons of space. Come on in. I'm looking around. There's not a seat. There's 150 people. They're packed in. Just rows of humanity sitting there. And somehow, I don't know. They say that the that the walls bend in that home. By the time that hamotzi was being made, everyone was sitting down. Nobody knows. Nobody knows. Many times Reb Matisyahu doesn't have a seat himself. Somebody goes and sits like in a seat like towards the front and he just And they've been doing this for decades, decades. There's so much to say about the Matisyahu family. But they literally are running their home according to this Mishnah. That they saw pasuk of ravacha, if people need things they have given. Now, it didn't start day one, but they are people that are such unbelievable givers that their home became a symbol of giving. I suggest everybody can go. You can go to shabbos. Reb Matisyahu davens by the Kosel for the last minyan. And I think I never asked him, but I think he davens late because he wants to bring in all those that are stragglers. And he's been gathering the stragglers for probably the last 45 years. Stragglers in klal Yisrael, the stragglers in humanity that need a place to come and just to be in the presence of what shabbos is, the honor of shabbos, the singing of shabbos, the food of shabbos kodesh. I I always moved also because Rebbetzin Matisyahu, blessed memory, would always speak at the end of the seudah. And she would usually say like a little vort from either the Bal Shem Tov or the Rebbe or the Baba Sali or something. It was very short. And I always was so impacted by her words. And these are people that mamesh live with this Mishnah. And then we get to the final part of the Mishnah. The part of the Mishnah that people are always wondering how to understand this. What we think about talking to women. So says the Mishnah, Lo al tarbeh besicha im ishah. Do not have such extensive conversation with women. Okay, where is this going? Be'ishto yamru. And they meant your own wives. What's going on here? Kal vachomer be'eishes chaveiro. And all the more so with your friend's wife. Not to have such extensive conversation. And from this mikana amuchacha calls mancha amar besicha im ishah. The amount of time that a person has excessive talk with a woman, gorim ro'ah le'atzmo u'voitel midivrei Torah vesofo yo'reish Gehinom. Oy. It's going to cause challenges in his life. That time that he could have been also learning Torah is going to be wasted. And in the end it's going to be the great cosmic washing machine. So the question is, how do we understand this Mishnah? What is it really teaching us? So you're not supposed to speak to your wife. Of course it doesn't mean that. What it means is this. When the Mishnah says al tarbeh besicha im ishah, it means you got married. And you have a wife. And in the husband-wife sacred relationship. What is a wife looking for from her husband? She's looking that my husband will be a person who's a responsible person, a person of substance, a person who has what to provide in the family. I don't just mean materially. I mean, will this be somebody that will help guide this family through this world and ultimately into the world to come? Cuz this is a person of stature of Torah. So, meanwhile, the guy gets home and he starts talking to his wife. And he's complaining about this thing at work, and he's complaining about this, and he doesn't like this thing. And then he starts talking about, you know, what's going on with the chicken and how, you know, he likes it, he doesn't like it, and this. And meanwhile, that goes on day after day. And now, this worker and this co-worker and and this thing that blew up at work. And day after day, his wife feels, "Now, when are you going to add some deep impact into this marriage? When are you going to add toychen? When are you going to add something deeply substantial that's actually going to build me up, your wife, into somebody that is connected to God's Torah? All I keep hearing about is how much you don't like your job. And how, uh, you know, your boss got a new red Corvette and you're still driving your old Toyota Corolla, which is a fine [clears throat] car, by the way. Corolla is a great car. It's fantastic, Corolla. It's got 450,000 km. Those things are fantastic. But he's still whining. Al ta'arbes sicha im isha means have meaningful conversation to share with your wife. So, they said this with your with your wife. Meaning, with your wife, what should the conversation be? Yeah, of course you could talk about, you know, things of you have to air out. But, if you spend too much time making that the sum total of the conversation, then one one's wife will feel like, "Can you give like a little more more substance to this relationship? Like say things of more meaning and depth?" So, that goes for one's wife, but be careful with, you know, just chitchatting idle stuff and your complaints. So, certainly, your friend's wife is not a great place to be, you know, bearing your heart of all the things that are going on in your life. You could see how the were understanding if you have another female friend that's not your wife, that could easily get into problematic territory. And to that, the rabbi said, "Yeah, go to rally at my." That could lead to things that are not great. Besides the fact that you could be in the base measures. And the third of which is the cosmic washing machine. So, how do we see conversation with women as an amazing opportunity to have a great connection? Of course, you could chitchat. Just don't be marble. But, see this is an opportunity of how can you provide substance in your marriage? Now, that doesn't mean that you walk into the house and you speak in Sukkot. So, how are you doing today? How is work? Barashis baruch Elohim es shamayim ve'es ha'aretz. Vayedaber Adonai el Moshe lemor. Like in code. Cuz it says that even the simple conversation of great great Jews there's tremendous secrets to learn. Even simple conversation of great great Jews, they are hinting all sorts of wondrous ideas. And Torah and musar and beautiful ideas. It means be a person of substance. So really a person reads this mission as superficially and they think well like oh like well you don't like women? It's to the exact opposite. We so much value women is that if you're just going to speak about nonsense okay, you want to speak a little bit about your favorite Netflix thing with your wife, okay, yeah. But she deserves more than just somebody that can watch Netflix with her. We have such a respect for women that we see that they deserve more than just simple lowly Hollywood chatter. May Hashem bless us to see the greatness that we have inside of ourselves, the greatness that is inside our wives. Let us see the greatness of what it means to have our homes that are open. Let us and maybe you could say that the end of the mission is trying to give context to the beginning. If you want to have a house that's really open and have a house that's really open and have a house that's really open, you can only do that if your house is not filled with just Netflix. If you're bringing people in and oh you know how to schmooze up the latest episode of something it's not going to go well. So for your home but if you're somebody that is protected and you share meaningful ideas, then yes, have your house open because what are you going to be sharing with people? Hashem's Torah. It will be connected to Hashem's Torah and now and forever. Amen. Amen. Have a wonderful day, Rabbi Yisrael.