Transcript
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so I was on this panel and it was about
marriage and I could have kept my mouth
shut should have kept my mouth shut
should have been normal listen I'm 50
years old and I finally realized I spent
a lot of my life reing myself in to try
to be normal and I don't think it
benefits anybody so I was really I was
like should I say this should I say this
should I say this and in the end I was
like you know what I'm just going to say
it so on this Pan about marriage I said
you know cuz we're talking about like
what to do to improve your marriage have
a better marriage and I said I just want
to be clear that some people no matter
what they do are going to have a
difficult marriage so I said I don't
want those people to feel despondent I
don't want them to feel like they're
being left out like here we're giving
marriage tips and everyone who
implements it is going to have a great
marriage it's not true some people it's
just and and I don't know why Hashem
chooses some people to have this
challenge but people have profoundly
challenging marriages and they can do
all of the right things and it's not
going to become a great marriage but
they can be successful and I and I made
the point of like a person can be
successful in marriage even if they
don't have the picture perfect marriage
because success doesn't mean what the
marriage looks like success is more like
how much can you as a person grow
spiritually in the context of your
marriage so I know that that's not
really what people want to hear but I
felt like that was an important message
actually I tell you something galic Mimi
Weisner wrote a book about marriage
about women about modesty and from a
real I don't know it's a a novel
perspective on femininity and modesty
and marriage anyways so she actually
sent me a text after that panel that I
was on and she was like thank you for
your message about you know sometimes
marriage is not picture perfect and like
giving validity to that type of
experience and then she said a great
story so there's a story I'll tell the
short version but it's a story about
Yesa Bak sees this other Yesa Bak who he
thinks will be a great uh sh for his
sister long story short they set it up
they meet and this Bak is an incredible
Bak but he has a limp he's he's lame he
has a limp
the girl sees that he has the limp and
she's like kind of like turned off he he
he senses that she's turned off and he's
like listen come here come with me come
to the mirror and they stand in front of
the mirror and they look in the mirror
and the girl the perspective bride looks
in the mirror and she sees her her leg
is deformed she seees she has a
[Music]
limp and she's like what's going on in
the mirror and so the prospective groom
says to her he says that limp was
supposed to be yours in heaven it was
assigned to you you were supposed to be
born with a deformed
foot he says but when I saw that as a
soul in
heaven I argued with them and I said
it's not nice that a girl should have a
deformed foot give me I'm her other half
I'm her husband give me the deformed
foot and they agreed to it and they gave
it to me
so the prospective groom says to the
prospective bride he says listen you're
not bound to marry me it's okay if you
don't want to marry a guy with a messed
up foot it's okay you know I understand
and she agreed to marry him and he was
the sov so anyways she didn't explain
the story she didn't have to explain the
story but I understood very very clearly
what she meant which is that some people
are born with physical deformities other
people people have emotional wounds and
you know these people get married and
then their spouses suffer because you
know I'm married to somebody with an
emotional wound who's emotionally
crippled and the reality is that maybe
your spouse's emotional
deformity is really your own emotional
deformity which they accepted upon
themselves maybe you were the one who
was supposed to have the crippled foot
and their soul accepted it instead of
yours
so when you're married to someone and
you see that they're emotionally broken
in some way instead of using that as a
wedge of division to
say how can I be married to such a
dysfunctional person instead stop and
realize hold on this this is my
dysfunction it happens to be taking
place in this other person but this
other person is not an other person
they're an extension of me they're
they're continu of me because a married
couple is one unit hey this is shase tab
you were just watching a clip from this
class if you want to get the full
context the full class that this clip
that you just watched was from you watch
right here click right here here
