The True Source of Addiction, Anger, Arrogance, and Selfishness

the yeshiva.net [Music] good morning everybody we're holding in the miner of su chapter 15. so the last point we learned last year was thursday that both when i have when i some people have a nature they're more naturally happy oriented they're more oriented towards gaiety towards subra some people by nature are more uh introspective and serious and a little more heavy it has to do with nature it has to do with it's called mother living it has to do obviously with nature with nurture and in avoidance hashem there's also two streams he says just focusing on challenging myself on unfeeling the pain of that which needs healing and then there's the focus on on the beauty and on the closeness and on the opportunity and on the gift and he says in both situations you have to be careful and be aware of the prison and the trap of the ashes the trap in the prison of being disconnected and using all of these emotions as a coping mechanism to cover over for the disconnection and therefore it you sometimes see a person who in terms of his own life he's very humble and introspective but the moment i see in you something that triggers me it's very hard for me to deal with it because my humility is not genuine i mean it's everything is genuine in its own way it's coming to protect something but it's the myth that's not it's not worked out it's a it's a way of dealing with my own sense of separateness we explained it at length and he finished off quoting the radak that cinema in la takana that a hatred that comes because of jealousy it's very very hard to fix because your existence bothers me your existence your success so now he continues even though we know that there is a virtue in kinah we call it envy or jealousy spiritually kamashikasaf it's the jealousy the competitiveness of scribes of sages that increases wisdom i look at you and i see your motivation i see your success i see your achievements and i want to emulate i want to learn from you for cat sometimes it brings out good things in people kid assaifra you look at somebody else and you see what they accomplish you see how they live and it motivates me no it's not a bad thing says that rahul was jealous of her sister rashi quotes it was right jealous of her sister she was jealous of her myself of her goodness her good deeds and ghazal say that's not a bad kinah you know somebody says you know i'm jealous i'm jealous of you i look at you and it it's inspirational that's the jealousy is inspirational commercial costume the pastor says in mishla proverbs chapter 23 don't be jealous don't let your heart become envious of sinners but only of year is hashem when you see somebody and they have true years hashem oh now you could let your heart become jealous i would like to have that he says yes that's all true jealousy is sometimes a beautiful thing but there's one condition of it's the goal that you're searching there's something good you see a person that is engaged in the master of good deed or wisdom perception so i would love that i would love to acquire that laziest mechanic so a person is jealous somebody who professes this what's the point but is it parallel of gam king it's a motivation for me to work towards these types of goals until a person can also achieve some of this or this so this is a type of jealousy that's actually a noble adult it's learning from people it's allowing people to inspire you instead of putting them down instead of showing no they're really corrupt they're egotistical they're narcissistic they just learn i want to learn from you i'm jealous in a good way like wow this is something special and i therefore what do i do i try to work towards such a type of thing you can never copy anybody else it's not about copying somebody but learning from people every person has to internalize it in their own way the person has their own blessings their own challenges their own gifts their own opportunities their own iq their own eq that's not a question but i could still learn from somebody and it can inspire me in my own way in my own life obviously i can't copy somebody else we can't clone each other we're not supposed to be clones of each other but we're supposed to learn from each other jealousy and hear the jealousies in the positive sense touches you in a very deep place we know that jealousy generally touches people in a deep place but here it's in a positive sense you want to learn from good things you're saying so it helps a person actualize deeper faculties more concealed powers in the soul until you could reach great heights because every person has what's called means concealed powers we all have it i may never access it i may never know about it i may never tune into it and different experiences in life help you accentuate those kakas or if not they just remain dormant they're there but they remain nellum nella means they remain secretive they remain concealed you never ever bring them out to the fore how much brain power do we use for my brain how much brain power do people use over their lifetime four percent five percent six percent so you're talking about a brain and a person lives for many years and they use five percent of its capacity so now you understand how much the kaisers and aluminum are you're not talking about the from 99 you get to 100. talking about it's incredible what people's crackers are but i don't know about it i don't know about it it's hard to know about it so there's different experiences he says here this can really it can bring it out in you it can bring it out in you if it touches you it's explained elsewhere the power of an earth that's called kabbalah there's something called russia is a direct light and archives is like the rebound that which returns you know when the ball bounces off the the wall it has a whole new momentum ah reflected that which is reflected back to me it could sometimes bring out deeper parts in me than the direct light in other words just the awareness that comes from myself the awareness that comes from you you know the feedback you get from your spouse the feedback you get from your children the feedback you get from other people relationships they can bring out something well i know it all by myself you know it by yourself that's called uryosha but the earth heiser the rebound is always much more powerful because it comes back like with uh with you know you throw the ball then when the ball when they're playing handball right so the connoisseurs of this particular sport will explain to you that there's the momentum that you create with the racket but then what happens as a result of the wall is a whole new a whole new energy in the game that's a muscle a physical metaphor for the earthquakes the same is true with people this is what i bring in and then there's the feedback i get from you i can't expect that because i don't know how you're going to respond that's the earthquake and it goes much deeper at it it's a very interesting thing we learned about this once in the mime of rebel we learned in the three weeks then a few years ago are you this is also true when it comes to kinah jealousy i don't know if even the right translation is jealousy here so i'm not sure it's the right translation i don't have another word but uh in other words the type of enemy that relates to holiness the cause of this is because the person is looking he's desiring the good avocado there's another type of jealousy i'm jealous of you that's a whole different in you so don't confuse the two things there's i'm jealous of something that you're involved in something you achieved a quality that i see that really touches me it inspires me that's a beautiful thing rocco was jealous of her sister kinasey from ali so we have sources for that in turn three sources he brings but that's all there's something that you have gained you have achieved you have worked on and it touches me it inspires me so much is that there's something that you have that's an example for the second thing there's something that you have like the toyota says you have a house you have a wife you have a property whatever it is and i uh and i want it and i start planning of how to which how to get it out of you how to how to wrestle it from you so the titan says right it's a type of that the person begins to plan how to do it how to pressure you to sell it to me or or manipulate you get it out of you yeah so that's the definition of of of of the rambam explains now i can see the difference between something physical and something spiritual if i'm jealous of your house or your private plane or your private yacht your private yacht your private plane [Laughter] we got the right person beijing tank kennedys so that it's either you have it or i have it right physicality physical items it's called a zero-sum game if you have it i can't have it when it comes to kedusha what you have i can also have ms fakert one person having it helps another person having it it's like colliding a candle from a candle mad when you light a candle from another candle it's not like you need to extinguish the first candle to have the second hand on the contrary if you extinguish the first candle you don't have the second candle so it's a whole different type of jealousy so the jealousy with physical things is always a jealousy from you it's a jealousy for you because i want it the jealousy of of of rookhni is is not from you i'm not gonna have more of it if you don't have it on the contrary these are things that there's plenty to go around and the more goes around the more there is in the world the more everybody gets from it if amma be a light i have more light and there's more light in the world etc so it's a whole different type it's a whole different model but sometimes a person is not interested he's not looking for this i can't stand that you have this that's what's bothering me and that's why i loathe you davos this is a difficult a difficult condition it's a very um emotionally it's a difficult place to be in vain because the person is in a place of yashas as we explain what's red in the place of yeshus that i am in a in my own perception i'm very separate from my own source and therefore i'm extremely weak and that weakness comes out either in humility or in arrogance and sometimes in hatred and jealousy you are a contradiction to me you're kind of it's not i hate you it's i hate me and therefore i hate you you're a contradiction to me and that's what you'll see sometimes as a person the more somebody's on over hashem the more he hates him when it comes to very simple people he'll show love and will even show connection he deceives himself look how humble i am people are very simple and needy and very nice somebody has a stature he goes crazy from him so he says look i'm a humble person they don't threaten him he gets he really dissects people here he's not they don't threaten him some i'm very nice i'm very very nice and giving he says people that don't threaten you why don't they don't threaten me because it doesn't look like they have some myla that speaks to me but somebody else i feel that it undermines me he says him in his own mind because he's very humble he's talking here to a person who's involved in avoidance hashem so anybody who's in the same uh the same frequency yeah the same myla so he's monogate he opposes my yeshus my sense of being because my sense of being is based on separateness for mainstream that's the difference of bitterness bitter is that i really exist because i'm connected to the source of existence the ashes is i create a compensation for my existence through being separate and that's where i need my ashes and that's why this person threatens me he opposes me avalanche you see a very simple simple people that they're not i'm simple like yeah voice them i'm good with them say you have to love jews or me and somebody who's more arrogant more grub more brute and more yes sometimes it's even more by being nice to them it feeds his insecurities because since he's an elevated person so to speak and they're low so therefore they're full of respect or macabre they cherish and hold on to every word so it helps them build the sense of fakeness fake ego and insecurity but somebody who's in the same field doesn't have that bittle to me so it's very hard for me huh oh so yeah yeah you can have this example sometimes and it's not an easy thing sometimes you'll have uh a therapist a mashpia a rabbi a teacher a mentor and he'll take somebody out of the mud and he's so nice and gentle to him and really helps him and then the person grows and grows and becomes a personality and he doesn't like him anymore you know what i'm talking about huh now he could become dismissive and abusive and what happened what happened as long as you were a smarter and you knew it and you're completely subservient to me now you're my prodigy you're my my favorite i take care of you but i'm completely in control the moment you uh it happens sometimes also with bali truva i'm sorry to say this i'm just you see it happening you have to know about these things so we have somebody he makes somebody about truva and takes care of him and takes care of her and really to you know they come ah they become very dependent and then as they grow and they may actually have you know they may actually have talents and skills that are much greater than the other person in their own way everyone has their own thing and suddenly you sometimes see that he's almost threatened by them like you dare be independent oh you're thinking on your own and sometimes people subconsciously create a manipulation that you always have to be dependent on me you have to tell me before you go to the dentist right because i have to tell you when to go to the dentist because i know your teeth very well and before you buy a hat and were you going for pacer what do you have to tell me you know and it works both ways sometimes the macabre doesn't know better he remains dependent because this is like my deity so these are all things we have to be careful of as long as you were a posture to mensch no problem i'm unbelievable with you i'm so humble i go down i go down to the gutters i go down i go down to the to the projects i go down to the you know places that nobody else goes down to but he says but what is it really feeding sometimes it's really feeding something inside of me that is not worked out sometimes with children it's true when your kids are cute and very little right it's very easy to love them then they get older they become independent they have their own opinions it's not so simple a lot of par we're not always honest about it but a lot of parents struggle with this this kid you would die for you you saw him he came into the house and he was everything it's just a few years later now he's bigger than you he may even be stronger than you he certainly has his own opinions right and suddenly you're feeling threatened you mean as you rise in the office your manager yeah mentors they get threat they almost get threatened by you it's like as long as i was a rag and a doormat you were in love with me you gave me everything you gave me time and money and resources and energy and attention now it's not to knock all the goodness that people do it's just to be self-aware he says realize that with people who are in a much lower space at least in your perception you're so humble but the moment they go out of that bracket now suddenly i don't feel comfortable either i continue i need to keep you down and if you really become independent i detach what is that what is that this is something i have to look at this is something internal fastest and people have to know this sometimes i see belichuva they become very insecure like what am i doing wrong you know did i do something terrible to hurt him you didn't do anything wrong what you did wrong was you have an opinion that's terrible but usually if the giving is about the other person so then uh you could you could look at that and there's probably other places a person could give right so that's why it's always important when you mentor people when you inspire people when you lead people to always tell them you know this is always about you becoming the person you're supposed to become you want to train not followers you want to train leaders because then those leaders those followers become leaders and the only way you could train leaders is if you let go if you allow them to experiment if you allow them to flex their muscles if you allow them to to grow on every level you could see it from nature hashem made the world a mother bird right lays eggs and then the eggs hatch and all these little cute chicks come out so she lets them be there for a few weeks maybe for a few months and with mysterious nephes she goes every day or her or the father goes every day and brings food and it's not easy and through thick and thin they protect the nest from vultures and from predators and from storms and from hurricanes and they do everything and then comes the day the chicks grow wings and mommy says there's a cliff it's very scary right but she encourages all of them to go and go find their life why because if not there's no continuity it doesn't continue they stay in the nest they're nurtured their whole life so here you see how hashem made the world you have to acquire wings but once you acquire wings go fly don't stay in my nest go fly make your own build your own family that's how it is that's zion okay here abbreviation miles akin of the duchamp we spoke about the my love king of kadusa which is not jealous of a person it's rather i'm inspired by his actions or her actions or their wisdom or their sensitivity or their love and i want to learn from it and therefore it motivates me and that's a good thing that's not a bad thing that's a good thing versus jealousy where the person i can't stand for curt if the person wouldn't have this i would be able to stand i can't stand you because of your success somehow i feel it competes with me it takes something away from me and that's because of my own internal sense of separateness from hashem yeshua's sinaloa barmailer the yahshuas causes hatred even more to somebody who has great mindless great virtues while at the same time i can have so much love to very very simple people tamara and we explain the reason everything we spoke during these first fifteen chapters yes it can all be explained the gasses gas gases means in a very very brute way and darkest means in a very fine way now everything we spoke about can be applied in completely different ways gaseous gases thick dense grub in other words sometimes it's very brute it's very concrete and dhaka is isaiah fine dhaka nadaka adl in a very adler way so when you say the word bitter the word the ashes you can talk about it in endless different ways how it's expressed sometimes it's a very very subtle very very fine and if you're not very sensitive and self-aware it's not even an issue you know what i mean like some people have a more sensitive body and certain foods will damage them other people yeah their bodies are more gas you know what i mean they can they can eat everything no different some people they're very anal yeah they eat one piece of cake in the morning and they're in a bad mood for 10 hours another person right he can eat a whole seven layer and le nugget he doesn't even know he ate it it was as a messiah if he told me when he took a coffee here in the back he doesn't realize so it's not a journalist you have to know who you are every indian you have the gasses very very clear explicit you know grub grub get and you have badakos very idle call echo avoid this hashem is not made of one fabric one color every person according to his or her state in avoid madrigal sometimes something could be sobedakos so fine that you're not even aware of it you're not conscious you don't feel it yes but it's there and it impacts me but it's concealed the heinous sometimes i read i hear these things and say i'm not part of this but i am part of it it's just badak so in avoid in life sometimes we have to realize that there could be something that's very blatant it's pigasso's sometimes it's not blatant it's subtle it sits inside of me it impacts me but i'm not fully aware of it and i could say this has no connection to me but it really does it's just so he says as follows we explained in the beginning of the mimer if you remember that there's the seven nations that the jewish people had to conquer to go on territorial the kaname the murder remember he said those are the seven middles why seven nations they represent spiritually the conquering and the dealing of the seven middles of the animal consciousness each one is a meda protest it's an individual midday fairness is not one of them but midian is the only one that maestrobainu says nikmas hashem bermidian it's the nakamis the vengeance of hawaii against media she explained why because the seven nations represent the seven individual middles midian is not one of them but midian in a way is at the root it's at the core it's at the source because it's rooted in the very experience of yeshus that the person essentially is broken what do we mean broken broken means i'm disconnected in my own perception you're never really disconnected but in my own perception i'm disconnected from the oneness of infinity the oneness of hashem all the middle israelis feed from that therefore i need a different type of i need a certain type of love and i need certain types of strength and i need certain types of connections all of it is fueled from medium comes to the word modern which means strife quarreling dispute hatred animosity so it's not one midday in a way it's the source for all the middles all the middles feed off that that's why it's not one of the seven but it's nikhmas he said it's menage to the very shame of i like he said earlier and he's gonna explain still this he's gonna explain so he says this when you have one midday that's amida parathas it's individual middle so a prat is not doing it to the cloud a detail is not the same like the whole claw like the general issue that encompasses all the details because first of all it's not so strong it's just a prat it's a detail second of all because it's a pratt so therefore it doesn't mean from this media you're going to come to another negative media not necessarily this is a self-contained middle because it's only one pratt but sinas because it's the khalal of satrakar because it goes into the to the dna it's connected to the general theme of cetera which is separateness separateness from yourself separateness from others separateness from life and therefore it's the source of all the middles so now it's not a pratt it's a clown sometimes you're dealing with an issue that's one pratt it's a detail in life sometimes you're dealing with an issue that actually what we call the atom the dna the cloud that affects so many other things like when somebody comes to fix in the house sometimes they're dealing with a detail you know the pipe has an issue and sometimes they reveal it's not one pipe this is the whole the whole source has your initial but mainly the pipe is also affected so first of all it's much more intense and then there's no such a thing it's only one mid that's not another mid if you're dealing with the cloud it's going to affect all of the middles so therefore he says somebody who's sensitive to their soul we need to do what's called comets he uses the word lachapus to search and search well and all over the churin and zduken the holes in the cracks like it says by dickhammer they have to be boydek but you need a candle which candle nade hashem it says in michele that the candle of hashem is the neshama of a person the soul of a person is the light it's the flame of hashem you can't just be by the comets without a ner hashem you know why because vidiq's comments can also be done with yashas sometimes the worst you go into a place of self-loathing and self-hatred and self-judgment and it's the worst form of yeshua's in the sense that everything is bad i'm horrible and horrible it's another coping mechanism where you detach from life and you're the worst thing whoever existed that ever existed in the world you're the monster of history you have to be very careful with that like he said earlier bittel can also be very very very uh dysfunctional so you always need nade hashem nishmasadam you could you have to check for the idea but only with the light of the neshama the light of the neshama the nay has to guard this explains also how lucky clever you need a candle we have flashlights thomas edison put a put on okay the gemara didn't have they didn't have lights in the house so you had an air right but today you have lights and the gate room with candles and this but the truth is now we understand if the halal is a from the spiritual you can't just be buddhic tom you need the nera you need the narrator of the neshama to be by the comments to be able to see the comments it's interesting also the beginning of musa sachim the opening of the messages that's how it starts off so the gemara's first question is my ear what's uh what does earl arbossar mean and it's a machlike is there a nigge or laylee does iron mean by day because there is light vayikra kim allah are you so earl our boss means the light of our boss or the day of abbas and the gemara you would think it would be a five line question a ten line question the gemara doesn't stop it goes daff dave gimmel almost to daphem to analyze the word oid every possib that's connected to the word earth is brought up for a conversation this way that way this way that way this way that way until after two daphamen more the gomorrah says or means night doesn't mean day or laughter means the night of our boss and when we do this come it's not the day the night of our boss so the question is you have to make it so complicated you couldn't just write leila basta you have to write it and then there's topham of gemara so the kamaru says that tana wanted to use uh uh a la shnooki or nice lotion the question is layla is such a bad word night then say when you open your words it should be with it it's very very important because the worst thing that can happen by vidiq's comets is you don't have oil the worst thing that can happen when i go into my night i go into my darkness and i go into my holes and my crevices and my cracks to search for my comets is that it's done without urge it's done with a sense of gloom and darkness and depression because then what happens is it often gets reinforced that's what he says you need to have the nade hashem nishmas adam the uh that's why he starts off even though art means night it's taco with night it's not done at night you don't have to search for it by day if you didn't do it at night you do it by day obviously but then the ridiculous comments is at night but it's always done with uh it's easy to be done with fear and with a sense of gloom how horrible i am that's also a coping mechanism you know we explained in earlier classes class number two and other classes that today we know in the world of trauma there's a sense of complete isolation you're detached from the world and that's the ultimate definition of the ashes people used to translate the ashes as arrogance but that's not what yahshuas means yeshua's means you're alone you're broken off from the source and therefore you have to become a something outside of the real something i have to substitute it that's what it is it could come out in insecurity could come out an arrogance it can come out in a crazy ego of narcissism it can come out in a person who feels like a doormat it can come out in mental illness it can come out in complete complete no boundaries it can come out in complete detachment from everybody it can come out the gases that can come out badakas like we said but the nakuda is isolation i'm in an isolated spot isolated really isolated and therefore i have to create a new existence to cope in my isolation eutyphus what i'm saying so that if that isolation is fueling the biggest comets i'm not going to find any comments the summit itself is like using the comets to find comets you can't use hammers to find comets of course we give up because there's no no light at the end of the tunnel or somebody once told me why why there may be a light at the end of the tunnel but i can't find the tunnel or the tunnel is too deep or there's actually no light at the end of the tunnel so that's why erlarbosa means the light has to be in the beginning of the tunnel not at the end of the tunnel before you go into the tunnel you need to have a candle then you can go into a tunnel if not don't go into the tunnel because it's dark there the candle is the truth of the nishama that it's the candle is the light of hashem that burns in every person that candle is divine that's infinite it's holy it's sacred it's beautiful it's perfect it's splendid it's graceful it's undamaged untarnished and it's whole it's part of the whole it's in a state of bitter then a sham is in a state what does bitter mean alignment with the ain't so if it's always in vegas with the enzyme so with the night light of the neshama i want to search and see where i feel so broken and how i could bring wholeness into that rupture because we're all ruptured you know what we're learning here is the trauma doesn't begin because of a certain event in life it can intensify it begins with creation we're going to see that the second half of the miami it begins with creation there's a rupture in creation it's not like you know sometimes people get into this delusion we're all supposed to be whole and then there's a few crazy people that are broken that's not how life works life breaks all people and then some of us learn how to live in broken places better than others the question is not if i'm broken the question is not if i've erupted the question is if i know how to bring oneness into the rupture if i know how to bring oneness into that place that's what viticus comets means with the candle you go and you search and you know the candle is very anal it doesn't come with coilos and brachium it's not like intense light you know like the headlights of a car a candle has a very gentle glow it's very important because when you're doing vidiq's hummus it has to always be with gentleness not with the intense pressure which causes more harm it's more anxiety always with gentleness once you're in shabbos and you want to create the border with javascript you can use the when you're trying to find the com it's always with a gentle flame because if i come with a with an army with troops you know with headlights you know like the deer you ever see the deer what do they call it the deer what's the expression in english the deer in the headlights you freeze you freeze more pressure you start screaming at yourself you freeze you have to be gentle why do you have to be gentle because the source of the ashes if i'm not gentle the ashes become stronger because i feel more isolated i feel more condemned i feel more detached so i become even more i may not show it to you but deep down i become even more dejected so it always has to be done with gentleness with ava you don't communicate bitter through yashas you communicate bitter through bittle so that's the idea of the neighborhood i once heard from the laboratory he said over that he hit from his father-in-law once [Music] he said you know when you go to a doctor's office in the hospital they sometimes give injections or needles they take blood so the most important thing we know today is how clean the instruments have to be the doctor first of all washes his hands in the morning and puts on gloves and makes sure there's no germs and the needles and everybody that touches it everyone has to sterilize and completely clean themselves why why give a needle give a needle because sometimes in the past of history there were tremendous amounts of casualties because the instruments that were used or the doctors that were treating patients i don't know if you know but there was a whole mice in vienna in the eighteen hundreds one of five women who was giving birth was dying dr semmelweis figured out because the doctors are killing them because the doctors were coming from autopsies to giving births so they were responsible for all the death it was a crazy story that happened in the 1800s they put him in a mental institution because other doctors didn't like him and then a few decades later they realized he was right that the doctors have to clean their their hands what's the problem the problem is like this i'm trying to treat a person who's sick the problem is the needle is not clean my hands are not clean so i'm handling the person who's sick the person i'll get sicker who do i blame i blame the person no it's me the doctor who was healing he's the one who made him more sick so do you so ideas you want to use a needle maybe but make sure that that needle is not contaminated make sure your hands are clean completely sterilized completely purified what does this mean this means when you're doing ridiculous comments on somebody else the first thing you have to make sure is that your needles and your hands are very very clean because if they are themselves not clean so then that's what's making the person much more sick we blame the patient it's the doctor who did it so this is very important in ruchnius you cannot do dick's comments with dirty hands my hands have to be clean so you need to have the nero you're giving musa to people right you giving muslim to your children you're giving musa to your friend you give him musa to even give him to yourself but if my hands are not clean my needles are not really really purified then that could be the cause of the damage is hard work because now i have to look into myself what needles am i using i blame you he's not ready he has infections he doesn't have infections you're the infection you have to sterilize the needle and fire hashem that's how you sterilize a needle you put it on fire or they put the hands they put their hands through chemicals and detergents and soaps that clean out the the dirt there you can look it up like this semi-wise says was his name in vienna was a famous story in the 1800s a crazy story thousands and thousands of women were dying after childbirth yeah and they couldn't figure out why and he started to say the doctors doing it the doctors are killing them the doctors went crazy they said i'm a suganer they put him in a basement she going you ever read the story crazy story this was in in in in vienna 1845 1855 those that zip code you remember nakami when it happened yeah louie louie pastor then a few decades later he became uh completely vindicable but they put him in the basement she got him because he was challenging the doctors so the devil once said over that he heard from his father-in-law he once went to a medical uh medical place and he was saying that he was he saw how much they were sterilizing their needles and cleaning up and they realized that in avoider when you're when you're going to put a needle into somebody else just make sure make sure that needle is very clean because if it has my own yeshs my own insecurity then actually not only will i not help the person i'm going to give them over my own disease and they're going to blame themselves they don't want to say their doctors it's also it's a very deep thing you have a therapist who's not worked out yeah so his own problems he puts on his patients you'll forgive me i have a rabbi who's not a worked out person or a speaker his own problems he puts on the other people it's a very dangerous thing we all have problems nobody's perfect no rabbi no therapist but you have to be aware you have to be at least self-aware to some degree you said i have my own needles they're dirty yeah so i i passed them on it's really my issues that i put on to you and then you become an object and somebody else's unresolved anxiety or guilt or whatever it is makes sense huh musa is an injection and before you give an injection make sure you give yourself an injection that's why the bashamtv said it says in pakistan it's a beautiful vert it's not just a vert it's a way of living rebuke but before that there's one more person you have to rebuke yourself meaning before i speak to you i have to always speak to me this is self-awareness sometimes people plot they scream at their kids they go crazy at their children whether they scream or they speak nicely but before you speak great but just look into what's happening here where is it coming from if it's coming from anger and disassociation and and you just frustrate the living daylights out of me it's going to sound very mustardic and maybe very holy but i need i need help which is fine but before that you want to use a needle maybe but let's sterilize it let's get the fire going that's not so easy it's easier to put the needle into you than to put it into me right i'm a doctor i don't need needles that's what he said dickers comets you need to live live because sometimes it's in holes it's in crevices limits to find the parts sometimes it's a part shama name because this stops a person from real away this hashem from celebration of away the sasha when a person is in a state of bitter you're in a place of actus of oneness with yourself with others with hakadosh hakados and i'm not refining my midness i'm living in in la la land i live like in a fake world of adam lagami and to do beer comets there's ridiculous comets and this beer you search and then you can get rid of with if you don't search you can't get rid of the comet is there pesach comes there's no beer there's you need a particular beer the purpose is not the purpose is beer the brocco but you can do beer you can't eliminate without examination without awareness if there's no awareness there's no beer so it's a beautiful concept here getting ready for pesach already you have to get ready for pesach you always have to get ready for pesach you choose time is every day beer comments can't happen without particularly if there's no means awareness right you bring a candle and you shine a light but which light not the light of negativity the light of your neshama it's the summer you have to shine a light because this is the cloud whenever you want to shine a light on trauma you always have to shine the light of your soul you have to always bring the light of your soul and shine it and then you see i don't have to be so lonely i don't have to be so broken when you shine the light of your soul on it you see your options you see your potential you see the magnitude of who you are and then you could make choices and then you could do beer comments it's very hard to use that light because what's what usually happens you're saying why is it so hard to use that light because what happens is that when i'm in an isolated place i don't know about that light so even if i'm judging myself and doing my vidicus comets it's not with that light it's part of my isolation it's the other light i'm using i'm using my darkness to judge darkness the problem is when you use darkness to judge darkness it's going to end up dark it's like i'm using the needle the dirty needle that's filled with filled with germs right to clean up the other person but the very needle is the problem it comes to my skin and it brings the germs into my skin now it intensifies the infection so psychologically it's also true the needle has to be very clean very pure and then it feels good it brings something sweet in yeah one second yeah why it's hard to connect to that light it's hard to connect to that light huh but sometimes i have to connect the light for for a few reasons first of all i may not know about it second of all i may know about it but i may not believe in it right third of all i may not want to believe in it because if i believe in it then i could take i have to take i take take responsibility and there's growth you know if i don't believe in it if i'm messed up there's a lot of good things about being messed up you know right huh or internalize the light internalizing if i'm messed up it's the best excuse in the world i'm messed up there was a famous yiddish humorist they called him shalom aleichem aleichem today is not very well known but shalom alaikum and the previous generation was considered one of the greatest yiddish shishtan and he wrote ah right for pushkin was for russians was for many people in the jewish world he grew up in a state he himself left uh like so many of that generation he left the audition he was very very funny he died here in new york he's buried not far from here so uh um i grew up in the house of yiddish and a lot of you this is so uh my father worked in the yiddish press i do a lot of videos and they're very interesting has a story so the title is if i'm not mistaking me is good which means my life is great because i'm an orphan and basically the story is how all the children were being disciplined by their father and this one got a smack and this one was thrown out and he would finish every part mini is good my life is perfect i'm an orphan he was bringing out you know the sadness of the shtetl where sometimes being an orphan becomes the greatest asset in life you understand what i'm saying it's very true emotionally too sometimes you know me is good when i ask him you know i'm messed up life is perfect i'm messed up yeah so you have to be careful with that that's a good question [Laughter] i don't know that it's uh you're asking me a little bit of a technical question it's a good question but i don't have an answer what you should do i think this is it's all about awareness for us maybe that's what you should do isaac i once heard from the lobby he said that the raga travis gone once said he said is the highest level of truva what's shot you love saying it over from the naked chair what's up i'll tell you what's up the way i understand it we always think what's true true is i'm bad and i have to repent so dragon trevor was saying no no you have to understand that's not what shuvra always is sometimes the deepest level of truva is the sigh why because if you understand the yet sahara as a yeah it's a harder that really comes from a person being broken so then the sigh is the greatest level of truth because the greatest level of chiva is that awareness of a person so that's what it's really about the person becomes aware and you learn and you dive in and you connect to people so we go into a place of growth it's a growth mindset okay i just want to go another five minutes i know it's late i don't go another five minutes because sinner is the clown it's not a prat it's the cloud and it's the source for all the mid israelis every midaro which means every media that we say is not a gestamida it's not a productive meat it's not a divine meda you'll see it's rooted in my sense of separateness which is a beautiful idea because usually say you have a bad media no no you don't have a bad media you're essentially broken so but maybe you have a bad meat that's very important that there's a cloud there's a source for it right you go back to the source don't only look at the symptoms and there that's where sin asking lives that's where hatred lives because broken people live in separation and isolation and when you come into my life i'm threatened by you relationships are very hard respect is very hard anxious attachment avoidant attachment today in the world of psychology it's very well known that kids who as children did not develop healthy attachment with their primary caregivers when they grow up their attachment with people adults is very wounded with their spouses with their friends with their own children avoidant attachment i avoid you anxious attachment on and off complete no attachment i don't trust so even when we're close i'm gonna pull away and if we get closer i'll pull away even more right so you say this person is selfish he's not selfish he's frightened very very big difference he's not selfish he's frightened he doesn't know but he's frightened so that's where sinners live sinners lives in that isolation so you're a big threat for me and therefore i don't hate you because of what you did i hate you because i have to hate you i don't have a choice for me to survive i have to hate you if i love you i won't be able to survive it's too dangerous i may have to come out of my hibernation and that's not good there's somebody waiting to shoot the beer when it comes out of hibernation you're typhus so it's a clown it's a mucker so this needs good searching and it needs a beer so he says your zion visel indian clippers midian we now come back to summarize this is the clipper the shell of midian and the word the key word here is clippers always when you use the word clip what does it mean it's covering over something there's something inside that it's covering which means midian is a shell lush and mother in um it comes from the term which means strife quarreling me riven river is fighting disputes like maine meriva na piru advai skalkus it represents separation and division that's the key midion thrives on separation and division if we can be separated we're good we're healthy medium needs separation it needs separateness now you understand what that means emotionally emotionally it means being one with you is too dangerous i need to be separate separation is the way to go that's my coping mechanism that's my survival skill but i could live my whole life with this ain't that the niche so when you say angerette it's it's the clip of midian could be a shell that covers over and it defines me i have no access to anything else so you have to realize how real it can be it could be very real it's not a fake thing that's what sin is i go to a place of separateness and that's why midian martial says it's nikhmas havaya it's the antithesis of yutkay vavavka of hashem because the definition of ellicosas and escala one is integration synthesis everything coming together because hashem is hashem is the source of everything so in hashem there's always so even in a world of diversity you find the unity the oneness the connection the antithesis of hashem is isolation and strife the definition of elicius is there's oneness there's unity this connectivity this bringing oneness back into the ruptures of life into the brokenness of life or clippers all the clippers are against this because clipper means it's a husk it covers over a night movado but midion is the direct menage sometimes you have other middays they're all oppositional but million is the direct the direct opposition in that sense it's more painful it's worse than the seven nations addiction causes anger is murderous instincts gave us arrogance they are not rosy midos none of them really how can medium be words i'll tell you one each one is a blemish the blemish is one of the letters of yud kevka why you say what come on so it's very what we're saying is very powerful when somebody yeah is is a murderous person somebody is an addict somebody's a crazy narcissist again in extreme ways not an extreme ways you could just look and say wow this person is evil this person is bad but that's a very superficial way of looking at it it's a part in a person but you have to be able to trace it back to the whole person and if you'll trace it back to the whole person you'll see that the that's a prat it's the way they're coping in life in order to be able to feel that they could survive and have some control if you go back you're going to see the brokenness that happened at its in a very deep place person is living in a shell they're not connected to all of themselves there's a part of their core that's an exile in the clipper it's in gullus in the clipper so this identification this is now where psychology is coming at literally these words one of the big systems that are very popular now is called ifs internal family system a jewish guy dick schwartz richard schwartz he published a book now it's called no bad parts what's his theory his theory is that even the worst parts in people are not bad they're all there to pre in his mind to protect him from something that's very dangerous that if they don't if they're not there if they're if they're not protectors you're gonna destroy yourself i it's a terrible media it's a terrible media but in their mind they develop just to protect you that's fascinating that means it's only a prat and if you go back to the cloud you'll see it's a whole different story that's why he says the zionism i'm not rosie but that's not the naked it's one it's one letter of shame all these syrian 365 avenues which means you perforate you make a whole means you make a hole in shaymavaya he says when a jew transgress is one of the 365 licenses since you're connected to hawaii so it's like perforating and like it's like making a person perforates and the blood comes out so if blood comes out it can weaken the whole body but it's still one detail it's one part my shaker clippers medium chewing up it advice clip of midian is the sense of separateness which is the sense of isolation i'm completely detached which is the ultimate brokenness hiscalcus i'm divided what am i divided in the truth is i'm part of oneness but in midion means i'm not one i'm separate i'm broken i'm detached i'm splintered into pieces pogen because shame havaya so here the general core of our value which is actus is not experienced in me i'm disaligned with that i'm blemished and there's a gum in that that connection that alignment is is ruptured this is challenged and that's why to fix clippers midian is more difficult because you're actually going to a deeper place inside and you're dealing with the whole makeup you're dealing with a clown whenever you want to fix a clown it's harder than fixing a pratt you know if you come into a business you fix one detail okay let's fire him if you want to fix the structure it's much more difficult you have to go much deeper you have to put in more time we could see this proof very good gollus venus that the first gullus the babylonian exile the first corbin happened primarily because of three cardinal sins idolatry adultery and violence murder gamora says in yuma and it lasted 70 years in 70 years they managed to repair at least many of those blemishes the second las golos gaza mesa is because of hatred discord contention strife and he says and it's continuing for more than eighteen hundred years what happened gilead is 70 years and now it's more than 1800 years this is when the mimer was said now it's already more than 1900 years 952 years to be exact if you look at the corbin in the year 70 yeah set the year 70 it could have been 68 69 different opinions 9 1 952 years he says why i don't understand the answer is because the begam is because it reaches a place of clout it reaches a place of a core like dna so we have to heal not a detail we have to heal the core and the core is that i'm separate when you speak here about goalless it's not just the physical goals of claudia's soul it's the emotional goals of people what does gollus mean the word gullis is the best word for this gulles means exile what does it mean exile what's in exile if you take a king and you put him in exile he's completely confined and subjugated like a person in prison so when the nakuda of ain't safe of a person is in exile in a clip in a shell of midyan it's completely eclipsed so he says that's why moishe says that the war against midian is the nikama of hashem leo is shane hoffmann this explains why the war had to happen through moshe hashem said you can't pass away before this it's not just afterwards you'll die now you're alive you do it you see from the passage in mata is that this had to be done through martial arts is the paradigm of bitter and actus the one that empowers the souls of the jewish people to combat midion and to eliminate moshe had to nominate the troops and this finally answers the question if you remember alpine was the wrong word means all of you should mobilize to war but then he says it's only one thousand per tribe only twelve thousand people went to war most didn't so you should have said yes all of you should mobilize from you so he says no because everybody gotta go who deal with medyon it's not this 12 000 soldiers 12 000 soldiers will go fight the physical war but this reality of confronting isolation loneliness brokenness separateness this everyone has to deal with and everybody needs to be united if 12 000 people are separated from the other people then you have midian in your midst they all have to become united they all have to be together and then some can actually go through the war but that's why he says hey khotsu this is something that all of claudia israel needs to do together because the moment it becomes about me versus you then we're again back into the midian space whenever you're living in a relationship and it's me or you or me or you you know sometimes in marriages it's like you do this i do this i did this it's like uh it's like a color war you know scoring points you did this yesterday i'll do this it's like it's you versus me so even if you get it right this time it's going to work but the conception is wrong you're not in a place of hey hold so you're in a place of of of isolation so the concept is you're going to be feeding midian that's why hey cult is something it's about everybody it's not you versus me you understand the void this is a very uh powerful insight into life sometimes you sit down and it's right away well you do this i'll do this we're already in the wrong place we're in the wrong zone it's based it's predicated on the premise of separation i don't trust you you don't trust me now let's figure out the best way of not trusting each other how do we not trust each other in a civil way which sometimes is what we do you know we have nations sitting down for peace talks it's like you know how do i backstab you in the best way with a smile they say a diplomat is somebody who sends you to hell but makes you look forward to the journey that's the definition of a diplomat that's his hush so then you're already not in this place it's sitting down with a real understanding of all of us and then we can get to this place of finding a deeper core we have a marriage therapist so couples come in we have more than one so couples come in right the hardest thing if i'm not mistaken i'm not a therapist but if i'm not mistaken you'll correct me the individual therapy is important but the hardest thing is the midian two people sit down they just don't trust each other i think you want to put a knife in my back you think i want to put a knife in your back whether it's a physical knife or an emotional life whether it's conscience or subconscious we're not on the same team we're broken yeah it comes out in a thousand different stories and a million details and 100 proofs and a million proofs it's going to come out but this core it's not your together you're not together if we're really together you already fixed a lot of the issue because now we have to figure out how to be together okay that's good the problem is i don't believe we're together anymore you have it in for me anitzodek okay huh right that's the issue to get to that place is not so simple because it's not it's it's cha it's opening them up to a place of his scholarless rather period that has the edelkite from siddhis it's not a detail take out the garbage yeah you should take out the garbage it's a good thing i'm pro taking out the garbage you should make your bed also a good thing make your own breakfast while you're at it if you could do lunch and dinner it's good laundry you'll figure out by the therapist but it's not the detail details are sometimes important whether they say the devil is in the details right but it's not it's not sometimes people get caught up with the details he did this he didn't do this shabbos this jumped of this how do we bring the people into a place of achtus from peru to see that you're connected you're together that comes from trust but i don't trust you anymore so i go into isolation now i already have a thousand stories to support it but the key story is the key story is midian pirud so you say but he's about taiwanese about he said he gets angry right it's very easy to go there my husband's temper my wife's temper my husband's tybus he's always on his phone you have to see him when he gets angry you have to see when he has tyvers if there's guyver you can go there and it's important to address that but what he's saying is could you go to midyan and the peace of medium that's a different piece that's not a piece that's the piece you have a piece and you have the piece all everything else is is pieces important pieces but the piece the pieces my taivor my cast my sisher my guy all my beautiful middles essentially are have developed in order to protect and justify my sense of separateness of isolation of loneliness of brokenness of the fact that i am truly alone in the world disconnected from everybody and everything because i cannot experience myself for who i really am which is a derivative of divine infinite consciousness the is the one who needs to do this because as he will explain later moshe embodies in claudius this nakuda of bitter and actus this uniqueness and we all need power to do this we can do this on our own we need to do it together and we need to be empowered and that's the power of motion says this is your thing himself didn't go to the war he sent pinchas but maisha is the one who appointed everybody well you know maisha ran away from egypt we did my sharon too midyan so and his father-in-law was kai and midian he was the priest of media so merchant knew very well maisha knew about midnight before everybody else he had a lot of experience he even took a girl from there so he married he married intimidant so he knew exactly what's happening huh and children and mid yen saying maisha was in fact rashi brings from the madrish that the reason bullock hired billam who came from midian is because he said their leader grew up in midian so we have to ask the zika midian what's his secret they know where he comes from you know he grew up in midian so that's why the zika midian came to to bilham where did midian come in it was balak he was for mayor of malach so the merchant said because they wanted to know the secret so moshe had a lot of experience with them bazer hashem will continue tomorrow morning tuesday morning 7 45 a.m and 9 30 tomorrow morning is a women's class right here please tell your wives or daughters everybody have a beautiful day so what was the immediate real media that we in other words that i i create a substitute identity what we call today a coping mechanism a substitute identity to compensate for the void of not appreciating my true identity which is part of infinite oneness right but what did media do the manifesto oh what is that i think emilian you see sexual addiction and well i think it's it's a search for fake relationships and uh desire of media promiscuity is really that i think uh crazy promiscuity it's it's fake connection so on the surface it looks like uh love and peace why are people addicted to uh pornography they're looking for relationships but completely not real ones on their terms my own fantasy world i don't have to really connect to people it's a very sad place to be their marriages are on the rocks or they're just lonely even if they're not married so therefore i go to all these places to stimulate that need for connection knew that apparently they knew when and they're avoided it was also ballpoi bulpers you defecate like we learned on shabbos the idea of bob poet is that you really you know you create a substitute reality the excrement of reality which has to be evacuated becomes your god which is a very very strange concept i've never seen a culture that's the culture of media and you see that uh they came close to uh to destroying the jewish people they came closer than many others through that addictions first of all the idea of bilum you know they got bilum to uh try to curse them like completely eliminate them they somehow had this plan okay that was transformed but then with the girls of midyan and the avodahzada of midyan they were very successful [Music] i need a jewish wife bro forever so in terms of numbers i thought and learned maybe correctly that rome of the girls were not vegan to a mother is that true or not i don't know cosby was mid-year she was the princess right yeah her father was sure rosh base of yeah he was one of the kings of medya there were five tribe leaders and he was one of them and cosby was together with zimri who was the leader of of shavit shimon yeah and this was bilaam's idea the gemara says in sanhedrin that bilaam said al-akhem if you really want to get god promiscuity is the way it goes adultery that's the way to go complete promiscuity in relationships that's where you'll [Laughter] sins of the first person which were just adulterous because yeah how is it how is that it's more refined than adultery right so i'm saying adultery is is a manifestation that's the point the person who's adulterous it's a manifestation the core of sinners that's already the that's on the other's level on the dna level yeah the shaders the mocker the clown i'm just saying by them it looks like that this news was a was a result but it's a result it's a derivative it's a manifestation it's not the nakuda the nikuda of midian is in the name where was expressed in the in the country itself i don't know you have to learn more about midian it says that mata couldn't have his wife and it says in the that martin taylor couldn't happen until yesterday came yesterday had to say only then could it be mutton tyra it says it's the advantage the the addition and light that came from the transformation so somehow midian had to be the in the beginning media not to be transformed