The Things We Don't See About Ourselves | Purim 2/2

Hello there. I'm Tanya Kazanov, and you [music] are listening to Human and Holy. Before we get started, I just want to tell you about the virtual Tanya classes that we just launched. Our first [music] live class happened this past Thursday, and it was such a delight. [music] The recording is up on our Tanya class website, and I invite you to join us. You can listen to the recording, you can join us live. It's [music] a three-part series based on chapter two of the Tanya. This is a Tanya class that combines [music] all of my great loves. It's an opportunity for us to dive into the text along [music] with the accompaniment of PowerPoint guided illustrations, poetry, song, curated conversation and reflection to allow us to really settle with the information. >> [music] >> If you know, then you know that I love the Tanya, and it has captured me for many, many years and has completely shaped [music] and transformed the way that I see myself and live my life, and I'm so excited to welcome you to explore this foundational Hasidic text with me to really understand your [music] inner spiritual architecture and makeup, and to develop a new language for how you see yourself and your place in this world. Join me as we study [music] this chapter of Tanya exploring and getting to know our divine souls. Let's get started with today's episode. Cliff notes for the first half of this memoir, we're going to dive our [music] teeth into the second half, but I want to make sure that we're all on the same page about where we're at with the ideas. So, we begin [music] with a line from the Megillah which points to this truth that the Jewish people at the time of the Purim story fully accepted the Torah in the way that they didn't at the time of Matan Torah >> [music] >> and a bunch of different lessons that we can learn for our own acceptance of the Torah, our own experience of God, our own experience of our souls in [music] this world. At the time of the receiving of the Torah, the Jews were at a very high level of divine revelation. They had left Egypt, seen God's great miracles, [music] and so choosing to accept the Torah was an obvious choice. At the time of Purim, they were facing real existential [music] threat. They were living in a time of persecution, and as a result, the choice was not as obvious, and And made [music] the choice more real and alive. Haman really targeted the children. He recognized that Jewish education was the strength of the Jewish people, and he knew if I could get to the children, if I could get to their education, then I could eradicate the Jewish people. The Rebbe explained this was actually much broader hit on the Jewish people. It wasn't just Jewish children's education, it was Jewish education, period. And the Rebbe speaks about what self-education is and how we are each renewed every single moment. That every single person should see themselves as a child to see what's possible for us in terms of our education, to be in a constant state of openness and learning, not just from Torah text, but also from other people, and from the world, and from lessons in our lives, and to just be in the state of openness because learning is a state of being that is central to our foundation within our Judaism. Haman knew that, and that's why he was targeting the children's education and adult education, and not just education, but this position and this posture of learning and being a student of life. We also spoke about the custom of shlom ar, the brokenness the Jewish people experienced at the time of the Purim story that allowed them to access the essence of God. Sometimes when we experience hardship and we experience that crushing of spirit, we are able to access something more true and real about this world. But the Rebbe continues to say that it's not just physical persecution, but it's also the personal squeezing, the recognition, the awakening to what is possible for me and what the gap is between where I am and how deeply I could express God's light in this world. And we spoke about bittul and getting out of our own way and being able to really be that conduit and channel for Hashem's light and energy in this world. And even that painful recognition or awareness where we recognize how much is possible for us and how large the gap may be between where we are and what's possible. It's that crushing and that personal awareness of the gap that actually expands us because once we recognize what is possible in terms of channeling Hashem's infinite light in this world, we can begin to open ourselves up to expressing that light in this world. And again, that's deeply connected to not just Torah study and taking our self-education very seriously, but the experience of curiosity, openness, learning from the world, being in that state of receptivity, and letting the world and our own souls surprise us over and over again. Here's the thread which we're going to be picking up in this part of the text of the ma'amar that we are at. We were talking about this experience of openness, of I'm just getting started, of let my neshama surprise me, of what can I learn from the world, of how much more Torah is there out there in the world that I have not yet gotten to experience. How many more people are there for me to learn from? How many more experiences are there that are going to open me up to channeling Hashem's light in my own particular way? So, let's look at this awareness, at this recognition, at this moment where I sense how much is possible for my neshama in this world, how much is possible for my connection to Torah and I see that gap between where I am and what is possible. The Lubavitcher Rebbe explains that there are two different types of enemies that we experience in our divine service. One is a close enemy and one is a distant enemy. And relating to that theme of becoming aware of what's possible for me, becoming aware of the things that I was not yet aware of within my own self and within the world, the Lubavitcher Rebbe brings in a lesson from the possuk about Yosef which says, "I have given you Yosef a portion of land over your brothers which I took from the hand of the Amori with my sword and with my bow." A sword is used for hand-to-hand combat and a bow and arrow is used for an enemy at a distance. And we explain that there's two different types of enemies. There's a close enemy and the distant enemy. On a spiritual level, a close enemy, which is fought with a sword, refers to the enemy that is so clear to me. The struggles that are so self-evident. The klipa that is so coarse and so obvious that it's like face-to-face with me all the time. While a distant enemy refers to a more subtle klipah, which a person is not aware of, which is far out, hidden behind the bushes, distant, that cannot be seen so clearly. Chassidus explains that this close enemy is fought with a sword, which is the first part of tefillah, prayer, shukey d'zimrah, which speaks about the greatness of God. Head on, I see this klipah, which is this thing in my life or in the world that obscures God's presence, and how do I fight it? How do I eliminate it? By speaking about and investing in the greatness of Hashem. When I'm marinating in the greatness of God, then anything that so clearly obscures God is going to be seen for what it is. And klipah is genuinely eradicated just when we call its bluff. As soon as you see it for what it is, and when it's so close to you, it's easy to see it for what it is, and you combat it by really investing in learning and exploring and speaking about the greatness of Hashem, it crumbles. It can no longer exist. But there's a more subtle klipah, which we cannot see. How do you fight something that you cannot see? How do you fight something that you are not aware of? Or back to what we were saying about the crushing, the personal inner crushing, when I begin to recognize what is possible and how far I am from that. How do I begin to recognize what is possible? This is done through bow and arrow, through pulling oneself back in order to come forward with more strength and to recognize life for what it is. In the words of the Rebbe, this is done in Shema and Shmoneh Esrei, when a Jew asks Hashem to show him what he is lacking. Because once we are sensitive to our own inadequacies, once we're sensitive to our own gaps between where we are and what's possible, then we could begin to work on it. The greatest gift in our lives is honest self-awareness. When the penny drops and I know what I have to work on, it is the greatest gift in the world, because now I could begin. Very often, our smallness in life is not a conscious choice. We don't even recognize how much is possible for us, and the greatest gift is Hashem showing us our blind spots, showing us the areas where we can grow, the areas where we can accomplish so much more than we already are. So, the most subtle danger of my divine soul's experience of this world are my blind spots, are the inadequacies that I don't know about, are the gifts that I don't know about, is the potential that is so much greater than I can imagine. Hashem, allow me to see myself clearly. Allow me to see my flaws for what they are. Allow me to see my potential for what it is. Allow me to see how great I can be. Allow me to see where I actually stand. Because where I truly know where I stand, and I truly know what's possible for me, when I can look my infinite potential dead in the eye, when I can look my imperfect humanity dead in the eye, this is where it all begins. This is when everything becomes possible. This is the highest level of bittle. This is the highest level of openness. To A, have the courage to confront exactly where I am, and to have the courage to confront how great my light could be. To have the courage to really look at your potential, your power, your strength. Both seeing our flaws and seeing our gifts requires enormous openness and bittle. This is humility. To really see how Hashem created me, to really see where I stand, to really see how far I am, and to really see how far I can go. How does one access this level of bittle, this level of courage? To really experience ourselves truly for the first time, to have honest self-awareness about our gifts and our struggles. The Lubavitcher Rebbe explains that we experience this level of bittle from Moshe Rabbeinu. As it says, "You, Moshe, should command the children of Israel." In addition to meaning command, the word "tzaveh" can also be interpreted as meaning connect. Based on this interpretation, the pasuk would read, "And you, Moshe, should connect the children of Israel with the essence of godliness. We spoke about the Koses Lemar, the crushing that helps us access the essence, the awakening, the recognition, the honest self-awareness that allows us to touch the essence of Hashem, to really open ourselves up to life. Moshe Rabbeinu helps us access this. The Zohar explains that this doesn't just refer to Moshe himself, but refers to the continuation of Moshe in every generation, which also refers to the spark of Moshe that exists within every Jew. A of Moshe Rabbeinu has something that's called an Neshama Klalis, a general soul, which contains the spark and source of many souls within their soul. And this is why there are certain souls or tzaddikim that we connect to, we feel awoke into our own soul. This deep soul connection where we share a source, we share a root, and a continuation of Moshe holds a source, a root of many, many, many different souls within them to mirror and activate the power of our individual souls. But it's not just the Moshes in every generation, it's the spark of Moshe within us. What is the spark of Moshe within a person? It's the part of a person's soul which witness its descent from the highest place into this physical world. The fact that the soul exists in a physical world means that the soul experienced a great descent. We may understand that cerebrally, but there's a part of ourselves that actually witness that descent. That is the part of us that is the essence of our souls, the part of us that remembers what it was to be in the deepest level of divine revelation, and the part of ourselves that experienced the loss of the descent that it experienced to come down to this world. Let's pull to the text for a minute. Even if a soul is in a situation where it has complete material and spiritual abundance, this abundance, this Tarhava, is totally insignificant when compared to the true state of the soul before it came down into this world. When it was described there as being the only son of the king of kings, Hashem. Even if I have abundance in every single way on this earth, both spiritually and materially, it is nothing compared to my soul. It is nothing compared to the abundance that my soul has in its essence, and the drop and the descent that it experienced in this world. Even if I am accessing my neshama, even if I am accessing an openness to the world, even if even if I am accessing my neshama's voice, there's a part of me that witnessed how great the descent was, and that part of me is the part of me that knows what's possible. That part of me, that spark of mosha inside of me, is the part of me that knows where I come from, that knows what I'm yearning for, that knows what I'm reaching for. And that part that knows what's possible is the part that believes so strongly in my own potential, that knows how much I could be a channel and a voice for divine revelation in this world, that knows how completely Torah and mitzvahs could be part of my psyche, identity, and consciousness. This is the part of myself that has a vision about what's possible because she was there. She experienced being Hashem's only child. So, it is the spark of mosha within us that allows us to access this kashus, this breaking that is not a splintering, but is an expanding that allows me to think outside of the bounds of my life and personality, and to recognize how overflowing my neshama is and what my neshama's possibility and potential is in this world. Now, we understand the line from Megillah that says that it was at the time of Purim that the Jewish people were able to finally receive the Torah. Because at the time of matan Torah, at the time of the giving of the Torah, the wisdom of the Torah was imposed on them. God, it was so obvious to them. God, they experienced so much divine revelation. The mountain was being held over their heads, and some say that literally their life was at stake, and some say that it was simply that it was just so clear and obvious to them that receiving the Torah was the way to go. Regardless, it was an imposition upon them. At the time of the Purim story, everything around a Jew pointed them to something else other than their divine soul. Everything around the Jew threatened their Jewish identity. The external ease and clarity and insight was under attack, but the internal knowing of who I am and what's possible for my neshama and what's possible for God's presence in this world, that rose up through the experience of it being challenged. The Jewish people at the time of the Purim story had to find that clarity within themselves. And because it was a choice from within, because it was the first time that they were actually choosing, that nothing was being imposed on them, that they could easily choose something else. Because of that, it was called a tree choice. They finally accepted the Torah. In the words of the Lubavitcher Rebbe in this ma'amer, a Jew is only able to reach the essence of godliness, the source of light, when he is crushed, kussis, through galus. This can either be literally being crushed, like the physical oppression that the Jewish people experienced at the time of Purim, or it could be a spiritual experience of crushing, when a Jew recognizes that she has not yet reached her own potential and is still in a personal galus. The Jewish people could not feel broken at the time of the giving of the Torah because they were so lifted. They could not even feel or experience themselves. It is only when there is nothing externally lifting me that I could see my humanity and my potential so clearly. I could see my humanity, meaning I can genuinely see my inadequacies, my flaws, where I need to put an effort, and I could see my potential. I could see what's possible for this imperfect human being who came from the highest spiritual place. And we continue to say that this honest recognition does not lead a person to despair. It opens them up to life. I've experienced this over and over again to the point this is my my addiction. >> [laughter] >> Is honest recognition of what is in my life. Both for the beautiful parts and the beautiful potential and the beautiful possibility, and also for the harder parts. To recognize the humanity, to recognize the struggle, to look it in the eye. Because that's where all growth comes from. The advantage of the Jewish people at the time of Purim was the fact that it came from within. Because there was no external light lifting them, they were able to see clearly. And because they were in a state of oppression, the Jewish people were not able to completely accept the Torah at the time of the giving of the Torah because it was not coming from within. What is the advantage of the service that comes from within? And how does God meet us in the middle to then propel us forward far beyond what we could ever do on our own? And we continue with the note from Mosha from this week's parsha from parshas Ki Sisa where Mosha asks to find favor in God's eyes. And implied that through finding favor in God's eyes, the Jews would be distinguished from all other nations on this earth. Why did Mosha want to find chein, favor in God's eyes? And doesn't it have an obvious disadvantage, which is that it's not from within the person. It's something that is being bestowed by God on a person. Mosha is asking for God to bestow favor on us that we may not even deserve. There are different levels of divine revelation from above. One is one that comes without a person's effort, and as a result, it cannot be integrated into the person's sense of self in the same way. The gift of revelation that comes after our own efforts can be materialized by us. Not because we deserve it, not because it's equal to the amount of effort we put in, but because it's a response to the effort that we put in, and therefore we could metabolize it. There are two different levels of faith, memale kol almin and sovev kol almin. The faith of memale is the faith that God fills the world. And this could come through recognition that the world has to have a creator. The emunah, the faith of sovev kol almin, the faith that godliness is beyond the limits of creation is an essential awareness and knowing that Hashem is the only true reality beyond the experience of Hashem filling this world that I'm in. The Rebbe connects us to an incredible description in the Zohar of Shema Yisrael. In the Torah, Shema Yisrael Hashem Elokeinu Hashem Echad, the The aleph and dalet are extra large, which spells aid, witness. We as Jews are asked to be witnesses to Hashem's achdus, to echad, to the fact that God is one. The aleph of echad represents one master creator of the world. The ches represents seven heavens and one physical world, and the daleth represents the four directions on a compass. Echad. I'm a witness to the fact that God, you are one. You are all of creation. Through our witnessing, we bring together all parts of creation into this picture of echad, of oneness. This is why being truly seen is such a powerful experience. When you're when you are witnessed in all of your different parts as one human being, you feel more whole. This is the experience that the Jewish people provide to God. To experience all the different ways that God is showing up in this world, all the different directions of God's experience, all the different worlds, and to say Shema Yisrael Hashem Elokeinu Hashem Echad. We see you all these different parts, and we see oneness. And our witnessing of all these parts as one affirms the oneness in this world. Back to the chein that Moshe was asking for this revelation. Moshe was asking, in the Rebbe's words, when we experience the avodah, the service of perceiving the world as one, as being echad, as being all God, we experience within us a corresponding level of emunah, of faith, which we earned through our efforts but did not fully deserve. It's we put forth something into this relationship and we got so much back. This is what Moshe was asking for when he asked for chein. He was asking for a level of revelation that is a gift beyond what a human being could receive on their own, but is a response to the human being's own efforts. And I'd argue that this gift is assured in our life. And I think the incredible lesson here is that any movement, even small movement towards Hashem, towards accepting the Torah, towards self-education, towards opening ourselves up to the world, invites an avalanche of blessing and expansion that is so much greater than the efforts we put into it. God is waiting to expand us, to open us up, but he is waiting for our first movements. As it says in Tehillim that God is our shadow, which can be explained to mean that Hashem is waiting to see which direction we go in so that he could reflect us even greater with more strength and power and blessing, but we have to create that first move, that direction, that choosing of a path forward that's connected to God. When we witness Hashem, when we take make moves in our lives, Hashem responds with a gift of revelation that's so much greater than what we could accomplish on our own. And for the conclusion of this ma'amar, this is the meaning of the statement in the Megillah that the Jews accepted upon themselves what they had started to do. Al y'dei hamasirus nefesh sheb'smona galus, through their self-sacrifice during the time of galus, through their opening themselves up to what is possible for their neshama, through opening themselves up beyond their own definitions of self, in the times in the days of Mordechai and Esther, they were able to finally receive the Torah. They reached the ultimate level of bittul, of openness to God, when from within they incorporated the Torah within to their own selves, when they sparked their own openness to the Torah, their own curiosity for the Torah, their own choosing of the Torah, their own recognition of what was possible for the world when Torah and mitzvahs became so alive within and around them. And this completed the giving of the Torah. The Mishna says that one who reads the Megillah out of order does not fulfill the mitzvah. The Baal Shem Tov interprets this as one who reads the Megillah as if it only happened in the past does not fulfill the mitzvah. Every one of us are being invited to accept the Torah from within. There's no mountain being held upon over our heads. There's only us opening ourselves up in small ways to the light of our neshama, to the light of Torah and mitzvahs, committing to our own education, opening ourselves up to being more connected to the Torah and the light of our own souls, recognizing what is possible for the world, for ourselves, thinking outside of our self-concept, and this will lead us This will lead us to light and joy and gladness and honor, citing the Megillah. This is what leads a person to true joy. This openness, this bittul, this surrender to life, this I am a student to life, this openness that inspires revelation from Hashem that is one so much greater than we could ever accomplish on our own, two, actually able to settle within our own life because it was initiated by us, because it was our own proactive energy and movement. It is the shadow of Hashem following us where we are choosing to go. And the ends, Hashem will certainly keep his promise that I will keep you your rains for your crops in their proper time and all the other brachas and blessings until there will literally be light and joy and gladness and honor. This is the path of the joy of the miracle of the Purim story to allow ourselves [music] to open ourselves up to life, to experience the surrender, to be a student, to listen, to see all the disparate parts of the world and to say Hashem, [music] I see you, to be a witness for God's oneness, and through our small movements, choices, openings, [music] and humility, experience a level of divine revelation that is so far beyond >> [music] >> anything that we ever gave. Wishing you a beautiful week. Thank you so much for [music] joining me in studying this ma'amar, this Hasidic discourse about Purim. I look forward to seeing you soon. Bye.