The Tenth Man Tisha B'Av 2015

in past years we saw that a chance meeting on an airplane using the opportunity of a business deal or even just a shabas invitation can change a person's life forever and bring them closer to yish could there be an even simpler Story the answer is yes this year we get to meet David Weiss a balabas who lives in m and worked in Queens but had never done kir of in his entire life we also get to meet Felix groomman a fellow from Jackson Heights Queens who was just searching for any connection possible to Hashem their story will show us how simple it really was but how unique is their story and how relevant is it to ourselves to our communities and to our own shs in today's film we find the answers to these questions [Music] [Applause] [Music] the in shabas tells us yesu at the time when we have to answer to our cre Creator will be asked several questions including T Yeshua did you really long for the Salvation were you really interested in bringing mashiach on tiab that question is especially poignant on Tish we asked ourselves that question what are we doing to bring the Gula as we know theban took place because of sin and as we know and tell you every year the antidote to sinam is AAS and what greater aasum can there be than reaching out to your fellow man and so on Tish we bring you another film hoping that you'll take it to heart hoping that you'll learn something today and that you'll actually apply it to your daily lives every year we have Theus of hearing from who is dedicated to a is and Kim and this year is no different we have a very special privilege to hear from Rabbi etan fer the r of the white TR in faraka was also a former talmid of rberg and a rean AA Torah who will talk to us about the importance of how we can put the lessons we learn today into our everyday practice so here we are yet another and once again we turn to that very well-known the relates why the destruction of why the and the destruction of the second Bas theor says why was it to which the gor responds because because of baseless hatred how do we Rectify it thei tells us in and thator every single generation the Bas of wasn't built in your generation it's as if we destroyed it our how do we Rectify this how do we show Theon that our inner that we have an insatiable desire to want to re build speedily in our days from how do we illustrate that one basic way we can start is let's follow the lead of that example of the about the every single piece of Torah he knew on his fingertips ice coldish M you name it he knew it and that same r the tells us nobody ever proceeded in greeting it with the sh with the with a good morning with the everybody even a non-jew he always initiated that greeting that response that woke let's go to [Music] informs us as someone he basically never looked outside of his and still that illustrious starts out one of his few succinct statements and by telling us he you should go ahead and initiate the greeting with somebody else you see someone walking in the street or you're in sh and somebody sitting alongside you perhaps not in your D still you see someone from a distance from go out and greet that person give him a give her welcome an invitation or even a smile this Tish beci in your hearts and your leish once and for all I want to love every single Jew I want to warmly welcome with an all embracing and enveloping AA panus for every single Jew so that once and for all MH at K could come and bring us to a and Aion by this Tish should indeed be our last let's turn it and to the greatest M of them all so that we should dance together with every single Jew and sing together and the's house and the Felix groman was born in kishinev mova his mother tragically died in an accident when he was very young and he was basically raised by his grandparents and Jackson Heights Queens so you went to public school high school yes and uh kind of drifted away from oh for two years I went to high school and then I went straight to college I I started college of Veron itics when I was 16 and moved along you know studying at other schools as well what was your connection to Judaism then none there was no Jewish observance in your life at all no no nothing kosher uh besides going to sh on the shabat you on shabas and shabas I used to go to synagogue went any with my grandfather even yeah my grandfather and my grandmother we went to SCH but when you know Services were over back to television at home watching wrestling and mhm yeah no other connection at all no I um my job required me to be at work on on Sundays so you know when I first started commuting from M to Queens someone had told me about this minion in Jackson Heights uh the young is of Jackson Heights that needed help with their minion it was a dying minion and uh not too much of a community out in Jackson Heights so I went there and I started doing there every Sunday morning and I I ding there for about 7even years one morning something happened it's interesting it started this was a the first time I went to the the project Inspire convention was about a few months before this event happened um so I remember my wife and I you know we went because we heard very nice things about it and plus we were I was just starting to get involved a little bit and um our expectations were it was going to just be a nice shabas you know get get away and hear some nice you know nice speeches there was a video about a Israeli actor that was also went was M through this family in borrow Park and he Fe BB right Fe BB and he was um he was on the airplane and the the wife approached him and they started talking and before you know he's a been bias at the at their house and I think the most amazing part of the night was when you introduced him he actually was there and he came up and my wife and I were just like wow I mean that was just we were in tears I mean it was just an amazing it was an and he was in tears I remember Effie was he was in tears and I was in tears yeah I mean it was it was it was an there wasn't a dry eye in that in that room absolutely and it and it made an impact on me I remember that was that was an impact and I left that shab as saying to myself wow what if I would have that s that opportunity to do what would you know that would be amazing once you know it I I had that opportunity and I was uh so tell us about that opportunity tremendous like you said so one Sunday morning regular you know regular you know Sunday morning I was doing and in walks in this um very young man so it's a couple of years ago and and you're begin to search in shs you've been to go to various different shoes looking for or anything something that will spark you and what happens when you go into I was I knew I needed to speak to somebody I needed somebody to hear me out and tell me something it doesn't matter what it really is but just spend some time and that was very difficult apparently and um it strengthened my flawed belief that you know my people just don't care about me and I'm just once you know once again feeling abandoned you know you you go to a synagogue you try to you try to you know open up safer you start ding so you would go into Sho waiting for someone to approach you yeah yes but it didn't happen I I I felt like of all the place is to to seek sanctity and salvation M would have been the place to go do that I think we need to stop right here there I am sitting with Kim he's telling me he's walking into one Sho after the other he's searching and it gets me thinking what would I do if I'm in sh and I see Kim who's Felix then and I wonder would I go over to him what would I do what would you do what would any of us do well we don't know we can't go back in time we can't go into that Sho meet Felix and find out what we would have done so we did the next best thing meet Abe we asked Abe if he would go into to a sh in a heavy populated fir area in order to answer my question what would happen and so he did and with the permission of a k and courageous young RV we embarked Upon Our mission with constant minim Around the Clock we wondered as ABE stands alone does anybody care there will anyone approach him does anyone even notice that he's there will anyone even remember that Abe was standing right next to them [Music] first my [Music] I knew what to filming hand this morning I was ding in the corner it it pains me to see that not one individual approached this person throughout the entire D the 830 million is a large Min that has all stripes and all colors everyone is there not one of us went over to him to this person that was obviously very not part of our circles hi can I help you this is a very startling wake up hole it's unfort unfortunately it we don't realize how self-centered we are from Minion to minion to minion nothing really changed I wonder what Abe was thinking I wonder what Abe was feeling I wonder what Felix was feeling feeling when this was happening to him I almost wasn't surprised I wasn't shocked I I almost I almost expected what I had the first few tries but I was persistent easily could have walked out and said this is just not not working yes but tried another Shool then another Shool and um he just sat down in the in the chair and took out a art scroll sitter and just started reading and looking at it and I kept on saying to myself should I approach him should I approach him and I just didn't know I didn't I didn't know how to do it and I just just the thoughts just kept on going just what should I do should I go should I go and um I remember during I said you know what just do it just go and um it's like I had to build up courage to do it right you know it was weird because like you know I I just didn't know what to expect right so I walked over to him and the first thing I said to him was hi you want to put on a parro filling just like that just like that it was the first that came mou a little I was a little nervous a little nervous yeah a little nervous uh you know a guy named W introduces himself and he said hey would you like to wear my tone I was shocked I was really shocked because I was not expecting that at all I I knew that to fil is something that you wear personally and it's kind of like taking the shirt off your back literally and putting it on somebody else that that went beyond what I would have even hoped for I was at least hoping for somebody to strike up a conversation with me and lend me their ear but he he put his to filling on me that was amazing and he looked at me he says and he said dude I got tattoos all over my body so I said who cares so he looked at me like okay so he rolled up his sleeves I started taking off my Tain and I noticed his whole arm was just was like a Spider-Man it was like a spider we and I was like okay they tattoos so I said okay so we started putting on thein he he said the braa with me of putting on thein he repeated each word and you can tell he was he was emotional there was there was definitely he was definitely emotional about it when I started on and on it was as if the whole minion stopped and they were just like you can you can feel the atmosphere that it was intense it was pretty intense of watching me um put on the fill for that first time and um overcame it and I approached him and um it's one of the best things I ever [Music] did when we finished avening and I took off the T and and we just we talked for just a couple minutes and um I said goodbye to him and he said goodbye to me and that was really the end of that moment as it was happening when I first approached CL I didn't think of wow this is my opportunity this is what project Inspire is all about let's do this you know it wasn't I didn't think about that at all I remember putting my Fon in the car and then I said what am I doing I got to go back this is this is my opportunity I got to go back and uh um I went back and um I said where do you live do you live in the area he goes yeah I live not too far I said well can I give you a ride home from that point on I knew that wow this is a guy I could I could communicate with cuz he wasn't afraid to cross that boundary he he took one step forward and Hashem took care of the rest so you knew right away that this was different yes right I I felt like this was an angel I was waiting for for 20 years somebody to listen to me and to tell me that it's it's not what you thought it was you showed me another side of judism that I would have only you know wished to have heard but finally I got to see it for myself did you have any idea when that happened that that was the first time that D Weiss had ever done anything like that I had no idea I thought he he did that monthly basis I thought maybe cuz he was pretty good at it he came in like a pro he knew what to say he knew what not to say he he he really knew it he seemed like he knew what he was doing so of course he knew a lot more than I did about judism so I I let him speak when he wanted to speak but most of most of the speaking was done by me we made up to go out I tried my best just to listen and just be a friend to him every week there'd be a different like a different theme like he would want one day he would say Okay I want to like he would just he would tell me I want to wear tiits so we had like this weekly uh like field trip it was a Judea store in Queens and he got me a a book on a lesson a day and I read it through from cover to cover it was an amazing book and from that point I wanted to learn the Torah basically almost every Sunday we would go there and we'd buy a pair of tittits or he would want to buy a tanak or he would want to buy aish and he would and not because I would say hey why don't you go buy aish maybe you should get into Kish he would say Hey you know I I read the portion and I want to read like you can see he was thirsty to want to learn more tell us about the the time that you uh that you eventually did get your owned Fillin I I knew they were expensive and I didn't have anything close to the money needed to buy myself a pair and so I felt well I can't keep you know I felt bad having D offers to fill into me for me to wear every Sunday morning was where what's he going to wear during daving and uh when when he got me a pair of to filling that really that really sealed the deal whereas all my fears you know my people abandoning me gone that right away it was gone because that that was an investment that somebody made on me I he I felt like he barely knew me to you know make that kind of commitment but he did I couldn't believe it [Music] I mean I really felt like I knew a lot about television and a lot about stuff I really didn't need to know but all the really important things I knew nothing of and this guy was a wealth of information to me I I got a chance to pick his brain for however many hours he would spend with me and that's what I got to do and many people who walk into a Sho who are not connected at all but they walk into the Sho would you say that they are searching most definitely most definitely and then at some point you realize that um he needs somebody local yes I always felt like it it shouldn't only be about me you know especially since I'm only seeing him once you know once a week you know thank God you know I was very lucky that you know project Inspire was there to help me hook him up with other people um so that he can continue his journey it you know it's as he developed he was ready for the next person you know so to say to to help him along with this journey so how long have you been learning together probably a little bit over two years I would guess oh right really yeah I don't know the time I'm not aware of the time it just it just flies really so what do you learn together uh we learned paraa on Mo shabas mhm he's by my family he really is you know a Ben Bas and uh he obviously has an open uh invitation for any shabas I think one of the things that makes it uh uh you know uh successful is that we don't always agree on on everything um you know and we we have have I wouldn't call it debates but you know we have a good back and forth and it lends you know it gives me a new perspective on on on different topics and different things it wasn't just now me and D now I got another person's perspective on things as well and that was also important that you know once I hear another person speak and I could see the similarities and I could see that okay this is not just some subjective information this is objective right here and this how I knew what was really truth and what was not right once I started speaking to D and then to parot I hope I you know give him a different perspective on and certain things and um and you know I I I learn a lot from him there's there's a lot that I've learned from him that uh that I really gained from the Kusa so you never know yeah you really never know who's waiting for you to approach them and so it's it's only taking one step forward and Hashem does the rest and through project Inspire I also met many of other people who have led me to study at Yeshiva madom and I studied there for eight months until I started working how close were you to not going over to him very close very close so are you surprised to know that he came this close to not even saying hello to you yeah I am surprised because I I I'm trying to imagine what things would have been like today had he not done that all the people I would have not have met yeah so if people are watching this and they're saying you know I have that every now and then I have that experience I have that opportunity I just can't just can't do it I just can't go over to that person and what would you say if they asked you for help and they said you know I can't do it tell me what to do what would you say to that I would say just do it it's obvious that they're there for the first time and something brought them there just do it just just go over to that person and and make that connection somehow and see where it goes from there but maybe they'll be upset with me maybe they'll say this is none of your business right those were the struggles I had when I was thinking if I should go that's that that was the struggle and I'm I'm very fortunate and lucky that I made that move so is he um yeah it's actually what I personally was waiting to have done you never know who that quiet person that new person in SCH may be and what they're hoping to have when they come to sh but it starts with that first in you know that first hello can you believe D wi not only that he approached him but he had left the Shool now he's standing at his car and he's thinking wait a minute this is my opportunity this is my chance this is what I've been waiting for because this is what Kim has been waiting for and he turned around and walked back in and began the relationship and I wondered what would we do what's going to happen with Abe will anyone go that EX yard will anyone really try and say I care enough I thought maybe men would be [Music] different but it wasn't [Music] I wasn't only thinking about Abe or about Kim I wanted to get into the minds of the people who were there with Abe cuz they were doing with him surely they must have noticed him surely they must have thought struggled do I approach him do I say something I had to find out and some of these brave people agreed to share their thoughts their feelings their comments their experience about what happened while they were standing there with Abe let's listen do you recognize this fellow yes he was actually sitting right in front of me he was sitting in front of you table in front of me yeah he was saying cish for somebody uhhuh uhuh did you have any thought about maybe you wanted to approach him or not or um I was thinking about it uh looked like a person that perhaps I should have approached is that something that's important you think people should be doing that very important very important okay personally also is something that you involved in at all I've been involved for many years really yes good I want to show you a um uh something Sim what you think you you recognize this fellow I just saw him in the show you just saw him now I just saw him but I didn't really stare at him I the right uhhuh so you do recognize him did you have any any thought that maybe you should approach him or say hello or anything it didn't cross my mind I came in I'm going to work so that's why it didn't it didn't click but if he was next to me I probably would have you know I would strike up some conversation you know this fellow have you seen this fellow before yes where did you see him I saw him in SCH in SCH and where you were sitting I think right behind him could be right something like that did you have a thought that maybe you should approach him yes uh did you see other people anybody did anybody approach him I'll tell you the truth I I came to SCH I davened and uh I I was going to approach him I just didn't get a chance what is wrong why don't we do that why don't we go up there and say hi that's a that's a very good question it's a troubling question isn't it absolutely it looks like he could use a hello right sure see now I got the now I got the opportunity that's right right I'm well and you good this is Abe you know this fellow have you ever seen I saw today today yeah when how long ago he's there now I think really yeah uh what does he look like to you I can't figure that I did not see his face but he looks like a person that's looking that's looking looking okay did you have a a thought that maybe you should approach him or something did did it cross your mind that's a good question I I did not know maybe should have but I didn't know while many people struggled with what they would have said or could have said or should have said there were a lot of people who didn't even notice that Abe was practically standing right next to them do you recognize this fellow I recognize him no b not so clear either but besides that I don't think so uh would it surprise you if I told you that he was standing about 3 ft away from you about 2 minutes ago at men he's still there now we can go back and look if you like I'm curious to see does he look the same exactly yeah okay yeah you didn't notice him no do you think if you had noticed him that you would have type of person you would have gone over to probably not recognize this fell I don't have my reading class so I I don't know what was it you you you wouldn't know him but he was standing about 6 feet away from you about 5 minutes ago oh really didn't didn't ring a bell didn't notice anything huh no he's there now as a matter of fact he's still there interesting he's still there he was D about uh 6 ft away from you about 3 minutes ago oh he was I I did not I did not notice and he was to the left of me right in front of you right in front of me no I didn't notice I be honest I didn't notice what does he look like looks like he could use some help it looks like he probably could use a yeah he could he could use a a good morning yeah he could yes yeah I would say so yeah but all is not lost you kades there were those who did care and did offer and did try some offer to sitter some offer to explain parts of davening there were those that offered Fillin and as a matter of fact we even got the opportunity to catch up with one of those right after ding people like Abe walk into sh and nobody comes up to them they don't do anything and he pretty obviously stands out M and we all should be doing something mhm but the hero of today is you now you were right there in early in the morning and we were watching you yeah and we've been here all day since 7:00 mhm and nobody nobody put out that effort like you did uhhuh okay no body and I was watching I was like I was amazed and you didn't give up mhm where where do that come from I don't know there was really no thought process behind it it's instinctive yeah I mean you know I obviously one one major part of Judaism is you know serving God but you know that's equally important is to help other people you know they're contingent on one on the other right so one thing I was commenting on was that you really got into specifics to make it so that I could metaphorically learn how to fish you know I mean you were really taking me through the steps in a great way I'm in Kyo oh you in Kyo uhhuh but you're natural yeah oh you know I've had all the exposure from ad Z so you know I kind of been there done that so I know what it feels like you know I know like you know to go in as sh and have no idea what's going on you know you're the only guy that like sticks out like a sore thumb so it's very awkward and wow so I've been so you were Abe at one time yeah wow yeah did anybody approach you in there yeah yeah was that helpful you think yeah yeah for sure yeah I mean yeah it they all yeah of course it is yeah everything adds up yeah I appreciate it yeah no problem thank the truth is that all of these wonderful people set a very good example for all of us they tried they did something but if you think about it if David Weiss would have stopped there if he just would have given him a sitter or a pair of Fillin if he had not gone back inside Kim would still be Felix today the difference is is that doid Weiss really really cared that is true aacy it's great somebody walks into a Shool say hello shake his hand give him a pair of Fillin sitter that's more than most of us do but if you really want to make that connection if you really care you won't stop there you'll continue you'll say what can I do for you you'll say are you new to the neighborhood do you need directions you need a car ride you need lunch do you want to learn do you want to talk what's troubling you show that there's concern show that isas when you do that that's how you create Nas that is the answer to the gulus that is the answer to all of the sorrow of Tish abov it's in here and we can do it we have to I I guess that we me myself as well we all have to take a deep look into ourselves and ask ourselves what else is out there besides ourselves you know now I know what you're thinking I know cuz I've had many similar thoughts you know this is not my sh my sh is different or people are busy we don't have time or I I I don't really see any Abes in my sh I don't see Felix I don't see Abe I don't get these opportunities and if I did maybe I'd be different or you know what do you expect me to say I'm not a professional I I really don't know how to approach people I'm shy I'm reticent I'm quiet there are all kinds of reasons all a whole list of things that we could have and should have done and why this film doesn't really talk to me but if you really want to dig deep and if really want to be honest with yourself you'll say you know maybe maybe i' be different but most of us are not we're timid we're not caring enough there I said it if we cared more I think we do more that's hard to disagree with and I know a lot of us do care and we don't have so many opportunities we don't see the people in SHO perhaps you're a woman you don't go to Sho that often you don't have the Abe or whoever it may be to speak with but there are plenty of other opportunities in the stores that you go to in the streets that you walk in the trains that you ride wherever you go people are looking they're searching and they want to be approached that's our challenge that's our purpose project Inspire has so many opportunities for you you can learn with someone you can learn with someone on any level you can learn on the phone it has changed so many lives just volunteer speak to someone who's done it they'll tell you it's fabulous and the shabas project is coming up pares commit yourself now to say I'm going to do something inviting a guest going to a kalalake bringing someone with you who doesn't like a fresh kala the point is of course again if you care you'll do something and if you want to do something there's something to do no excuses no reasons just do it and a Theus of all our efforts to bring back all of CLA Isel may be to see the [Laughter] [Music] [Laughter] [Music] oh [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] oh you