Why Coming Home Is So Hard- Ari Abramowitz

that Israel is literally in combat every single day. Our lives are on the line every day. And even right now, you say, "Oh, it's quiet in Gaza. Is it really quiet in Gaza?" When you know every single second that there's another tunnel that they could pop out from. They're the ones saying, "No, the country's burning. I'm not looking for a flight to get out of Israel. I'm looking for the first flight possible to get into Israel." >> Unfortunately, he overdosed. And this was two weeks after he got out of Gaza. the biggest challenge that everyone has. No one gets us. You won't understand what we've been through. You won't understand what it's like. This is this is the price we pay for making sure that every Jew could be safe in Israel. And for that, I'll go do it again and again and again. I am not here at any point to be able to encourage your child to go or not. I'm here that if they're going that they know they have a support system and you have as a parent as well. >> Oh, that there's some questions what not to ask. You know, sometimes these lone soldiers come back and they have these triggering questions like people don't know. Okay. Today I uh want to introduce to you an individual uh who dedicated his life to help a very unique group of people uh young men and women who left the comfort of their own homes in the US and went to serve in the IDF. His name is Arya Brahmittz. He created an organization NIV for loan soldiers. This is for when they return >> when they return home. when they return home, when they come back, um he helps them uh transition back into life, society. Besides caring for them and supporting them, he helps them um rediscover themselves um the direction. What we will do is uh we will explore the psychology of brotherhood, identity, um and all the struggles these people go through. >> I'm excited about this. Ari welcome to the struggle. >> Thank you so much. >> Okay, we know that uh joining the joining the army join joining IDF um transforms an individual. My question to you is who were you before and who are you now? >> That's a great question. First of all, you know, the the the question itself begs to ask why why do most people join the army? And >> correct >> really for many young men and women, it's and including myself was there's a challenge going on inside of us. You know, a lot of times we go through the regular system, an American boy or girl that goes into the IDF. They're not just going because okay, it sounds great like a good idea. There's not enough that's happening in my life right now that's able to give in the same way that if I was able to go there and be able to go to Israel and be able to join the IDF and be able to make a difference I could do that here at home. So for so many of them it's and including myself was where could I be able to find meaning and purpose in my life. I was in yeshiva for many of you that know that is you know you're going through a day day-to-day routine and for me I wasn't a great learner. I really struggled with learning but again I was always a good boy and I always say this to everyone to really understand that I was a regular kid that went to school but there was something inside of me that was really missing something inside of me. I would wake up every day, go to school, I'd put my head down, I was tired. It was there there was a lack. And then I would go and I was just going through day by day. I was there. And again, I was always a happy person. But inside of me, I was like, what could I do that could make a difference? And so for me, before going to the army, there was this lack of meaning and purpose. I would say again, obviously, you wake up and you're grateful, you know, you're grateful to God that you're alive and you're, you know, you go through the system and everything, but there was something that I needed to do more. My soul, myself was thirsting for that. And really going through the military, what that did for me was give me a why. Give me my why. And to be able to have an organization today, which we'll go into later, is obviously continues my why even stronger. >> Wow. So what you're saying is that um your sole purpose of joining the IDF was meaning. You were looking for something more than just the everyday. you could not find and you found it over there. But um it is daring. >> I'm going to say like this. I don't think I knew even at first that there was that was the reason why for me it was and I told this to everyone when I was there. I was in Israel. I went to yeshiva there and there was rockets that came in from stro and whoever knows about stero. It's literally 15 it's less than 15 seconds from a rocket from going into Gaza to hitting stro. And it was for me it was like wait I got to be able to do something. All these people are here. I'm from America. I have the good life if you want to call it like that. And I wanted to be able to give back. There was also the America Zaravi Shivas um where there were seven I think it was seven students that were massacred and I was like I'm the same age everything like them. I was in Israel at the time and for me that was that was such a big important piece but it took me a bunch of years later to realize after working on myself going through therapy and all these pieces of like wait there was a deeper reason than that. And a lot of times people don't realize that. That's what I do today is to really try to pull that out from the people is like where where your where's your why? Why are you going to do this? >> Wow. So, this is your story, but what do you think uh why 19 year olds would want to join the army? The average uh what are the reasons? There must be a bunch of reasons why a person would make a decision like that. >> Yeah. So, it's actually a very very fascinating thing to the like the psychology behind it. As he said before, for many of the lone soldiers, I would say hearing their story and really understanding their story, there's something that there was a struggle that went on in their life. And what was that struggle? For some, it was coming from a broken home. There's something wrong at home. And whether it could be coming from a divorced family, a parent passed away or they were bullied in school or there was something that happened for them that it really made it like I need to be able to go there where I could be able to actually make a difference. And we have this happen a lot that as I'm speaking to them and I'm like why did this person go to the military and you finally like dig in and you find out wow like this person was living in Florida and they were bullied in school and they weren't even they weren't religious nothing like that but for them going was because everyone called them dirty Jew. He's like you know what I have to be able to stand up for that. another person comes from, you know, my grandfather was a Holocaust survivor and for me like this was the place where I could be able to actually get revenge, be able to show how we're still around today to the Nazis, you know, this is so one of them. And then you have also others that come from broken homes and for them this is the first place where they actually find stability, meaning and purpose and away from all the noise that's happening in the world at home. And that's also part of the challenge of coming back home is you're coming back to all that noise. Wow, that's amazing stuff. Now, would you say that they are running away from something or running towards something? >> It's a great way to put it. There's I would say there's many that are running away and then if you could reframe it with them to be able to make them run towards something to give them a mission that makes their whole service different. And I really try doing that a lot with them with those that are going into the military is hearing their story and then saying, "Wait, if you're deciding to go right now, let's reframe what's going on." And you're not going there to be a follower of, "Okay, I'm going there. I'm going to have a good time. I'm going to party." Cuz if you're going to party, you're going to be a social media person. You put all your selfies out there, everything. It's the wrong place to be. There's plenty of other things you could do out there. But if you're going there now that you made that decision because we recognize that there's or you're running away from something, you're trying to figure yourself out now. You got to go. You have a job to do that and you have a real mission besides for the mission of protecting the Jewish people. You have a job to be a leader. I left someone a voice note or it was a 4-minute voice note right before they went to the military and told them, "I don't want you being a follower. I need you to be a leader over there. I need you to be the one that's going to go take that stretcher when everyone's on when everyone's exhausted. You're going to go under that stretcher and be pulling it and say, "Come on, let's go. Let's go. Let's go. This is what we need you to do. You need to be that leader. When people are are down, you're going to go take their hand and you're going to pull them up. This is what you you have a job for." Don't be that follower. Be that leader over there. >> Wow. Now, um you also deal with with with uh young people who are actually going and joining before they even coming back. This this this became to this organization became a a pre uh army the situation also. >> So, I'll tell you the the psychology behind it was it's easier to help someone before they go before they're shaped into, okay, I'm good. >> And if you're able to help them out with just basic resources like, hey, do you know that there's this way to go? there's this organization out there, how to get um to this unit, what you need to do. Then what happens is a year and a half later, 2 years, 3 years later, then all of a sudden, while you're in contact with them throughout their service, even just little check-ins when they come back out, you skip months and months of trying to help them. So, it's it's a full circle. And again, a lot of people are like, that sounds like a long time, but I'm like, you know, October 7th was 2 and a half years ago almost. And you know, the people that started the army, came into the army even a year after October 7th, they're finishing their service now, >> right? >> And because we knew them beforehand, we're able to help them right away. And it's and it's really mitigating PTSD, trauma, and all these other things because they actually have a support system and they're part of it already. >> It's a prevention. >> Exactly. >> Now, how do they find you or you find them before they even go in? So because we have a beautiful network of lone soldiers and it's always empowering and we have parent support and spouses support which everybody's networking. >> Everyone's networking. We always tell everyone be a leader. Like that's part of what we want them to do is empower everyone. >> Amazing. So you're like a sub organization to the IDF. >> I don't know if we could call it that but try to keep it separate. >> Right. Right. Now how does joining the IDF build a person as far as discipline? You know the boot camp? Can you can you walk us through of a kid who's coming out of yeshiva from the US and he says, "You know what? I want to join the army." How does that build him up as far as self-esteem, self-confidence? What the the process till you you're on with the boots on the ground? >> I'll tell you the the biggest piece that is important to recognize with the military is if you want to grow, you'll grow. And if you don't, you won't. And for many of them that are going and for including for myself I really gave a lot of myself beforehand which means I worked out a lot. I really took care of myself was trying to find that purpose went lived in Arch even just for those in Israel for those few months of beforehand just trying to do all I could to be able to feel be part of the community be part of recognizing what I'm doing. And then when you go into the the military, as I mentioned before, I don't want I don't want to be the guy that's on the stretcher. I want to be the ones helping them out. And so for me, my military basic training, advanced training, I really had, I would say, a much easier time because I was so ready for it and in the sense of I got to be there to help. >> You were mentally preparing for it. You psyched yourself out knowing where you're going. Well, you you you you almost saw it. you manifested being there and doing your thing, not just falling into it just uh just like that. >> Yeah. And I I think that was one of the the best things that I was able to do was be able to really come into the army and be in a place that I was strong mentally and emotional and emotionally and you know even physically as well that I was able to help those that were struggling. I was able to be there for those that it was hard for them be able to give that extra hand of support. So you weren't so much uh busy with yourself focusing on yourself. You what you're describing is someone who came into a place where of course you have to be busy with yourself. You have to focus but you also had that giving part uh looking out for the people around you and and you gave it more meaning than just like punching a card. >> That was that is the the way I work like and that's how I work. that was for me my whole army service including my reserve service has been so meaningful to me was because it wasn't focused on myself. It was focused on everyone around me. And really that's what you need when it comes down to even a war and it comes down to everything else that you're dealing with. If you're looking about out for yourself, you see how dangerous it is. We had a story that was one of the soldiers. We're in the middle of Janin and he took off his helmet in the middle cuz he's like I don't care. And I was so upset because I said, "You might not care for yourself, but you're endangering everyone else around you. And if you don't take that minute of being able to realize the consequences of what your actions are, that's a problem." And for us to recognize that when we're in the military of it's us as a team because when it comes down to us, if I say, you know what, I don't have to train right now because I'm not interested. But really, when it comes down to a firefight or people are injured or something else happens and you're not prepared physically and mentally, then you're endangering yourself and everyone around you. That's a tremendous lesson what you're saying as far as even in a tense place, you have to give of yourself. You know, I I would say that for anyone that is listening to this and watching this, I think the the biggest piece that we have to recognize is if I don't give then at the end of the day, it's just a self-centered purpose. And that's not purpose. That's not meaning and purpose. It's you want to find meaning and purpose, figure out a way to help people around you. It's just otherwise it's hollow. You feel empty. >> 100%. >> Wow. Now, would you encourage young kids who are listening to this to join the IDF? >> No, I do not encourage anyone to join or not to join. I'm very very clear about that with everyone because everyone has their own challenges in life and their own backgrounds. And I'm not here to tell anyone to go or not to go. People come to me all the time and they ask, should I go or should I not go? And I say I can't make that decision for you. I'm not here to and I'm not here to push it one way or another. And we have a lot of times parents that you know in different communities that will be like are you telling my kids to go to the army or not? I don't want them speaking to you. And I'm like I am not here at any point to be able to encourage your child to go or not. I'm here that if they're going that they know they have a support system and you have as a parent as well because this is the most important thing is the second you tell someone that is interested in going to the military don't go and then they go they're never going to talk to you again and if you tell someone you know and and I think that's something that's very very important for us to recognize is with the parents as well that we deal with on on that aspect of it. I'm not here to if you don't want your child to go because it's hard. A lot of parents don't want their children going. >> And my whole point is we got to be there for them. So if they're going to know that we're that their child knows that we're on their team, then they always have someone to turn to even if their parents aren't fully on board with it. And then ultimately our goal is that to help the parents be able to be on board with their child because that child which is a soldier needs that support from family because that is the most critical piece that I would say is really important is having that family of support. >> Right. So what what you're saying is something very interesting. What you're saying that the decision to go has to come from a special place in your heart. You need to want to be there. You need to it's a mental thing. It's not something that I can give you advice and it's good advice for you to go. If you don't feel it and if you're not there, if you're not mentally and physically ready, it's it's it's the bottom line. It's up to you and like and like you said before to become a leader and to start giving it's all interconnected. This is not like something that you go for fun or some stuff like that. But let me ask you how much of uh you know young kids going to the army and uh has to do with adventure with thrill and uh you know either want to prove something to yourself people would want to you know see if they can pull through >> I think there's a big piece of that and not in a not in an egotistical way >> not in a negative way it's just in a good way >> I think for many that are struggling also or just trying to figure themselves the themselves out. This is the way that they could prove to themselves, you know what, I could do something. I could be successful at something. We have that a lot of times for those that have failed, and we use the word failed, failed in school, or they're not doing so well, or they're trying to figure themselves out. The military is a place where they could actually grow and be able to be something. So, for them to be able to actually go there and be victorious in that way, it's tremendous for them to be able to move forward. And so that's why a lot of times when a parent says, "My child's out of school right now. They're not doing anything and they're just at home. I rather them go working, get married, or something like that." I said, "Do you understand really what they're what they're asking for? They're they want to have a win right now. All that they're having is loss after loss. They're not in school. They don't have friends. They, you know, they're not in a good place here. They can go to the military and they could literally be able to make a difference. And when they do that, they're going to feel so good about themselves that they'll be able to succeed in their life. But if you say right now, no, I'm against all that because they're failing at that. Let them, you know, let them fail at the next thing. And we had a parent that unfortunately told their child, you're going to fail if you go to the military. You're not going to do good. And the child was very upset about that, but they went anyways. And they went through their service and they got injured in the middle. And they came back home for they came back home to the States for a little bit to visit the family. And the father um joked at him and said, "Ha, you see, you thought you were going to you were going to be successful. Oh, you see you got injured. That boy did not speak to his father for another 5 years. >> So there's a lot of damage in that because that for them that was he was he was struggling. And here it is like I could be successful. I could be something. And I and I'll give you one more quick story just to understand this. There was someone that was in high school and she the parents wanted her to go to seminary. She wasn't ready for that. She didn't have friends. She was really having a hard time in school. she was getting bullied and so she was just home and the parents were like, "We want her to, you know, she's not interested in in going to seminary. Then what we're going to do right now is we want her to go work. We want her to be able to, you know, be able to get married." And I said to the parents, "Do you see what's happening right here? She feels like a nothing. She doesn't want to do that. I'm not telling I'm not saying that she should go or she shouldn't go, but if she's trying to go, what she's seeing out there that there's camaraderie, there's something that you're doing, they're making a difference, she needs a win in her life. She has no wins right now. Now, if you have no wins in your life, you think someone's going to feel good to get married. You think someone's going to feel good to just sit every day getting a job somewhere and they they feel dead inside. They need wins. Our children need wins today. Today's day and age in 2026, the biggest thing that you see in people is they need they need it's not AI. They need real. They need real. They need to feel like they're doing something, making a difference. And that's what's important over here is people need to feel good about themselves. And if they do, they'll be the most successful people in life, >> right? And that it builds their identity. It builds an image, it build, it gives them, it gives them who you are. >> And if you're nothing before and you're just someone that was bullied or you have something that has no one and you know, you just feel okay, you're coming from a broken home or you come from somewhere else like that. You know that you've struggled. >> What kind of identity do you have? You you always feel like you're nothing. So now here all build yourself up. Imagine right now how the military is which is so fascinating for so many of us just so you understand it. There's levels. There's levels how it works. Kind of like you have in karate. You have different levels of belts. In the military, it's the same thing. You get to I I always give this example like you get to the it's like going on cloud one. Like you say you're going to the army all you get you feel good emotionally. You start you know you start getting in a good place. You start telling others. You start getting in a better place. You get on your your your documents filled out. You get on your flight to Israel. You're going higher higher higher. And it's just it's building that person up. And they get to the army. Their first day in the army. They feel so good. They send their picture home to their family friend and everyone's like, "Wow, you're in the military. That's amazing. We're so proud of you." And then all they get to their tekkas, which is their swearing in ceremony, and it's at the kotel or somewhere else like that. And family and friends are coming. They get their gun. They feel like a million dollars. They keep on going higher on this cloud. And then what happens is they go to a place of, "Okay, I get my beret, which is a bunch of months later." And they feel even greater about that. Then they finish their advanced training. And after their beret, they do another, you know, another few months till they get their beret. and they feel like a million dollars. And this is something that we need to do in life is like just the same way. It's like a reward. And even though they're in their 20s or their their, you know, young 20s, they still need that reward system like everything else that way to push themselves forward. And then even more than that, imagine right now they say, you know what, I could become a commander. I could do this thing. I could do the next thing. They start feeling so good about themselves. >> It's unbelievable the accomplishments. You were talking about sensitivity, the way the parents can sometimes talk to a lone soldier or to uh how important that is. But these are human beings and you I saw on Instagram a post that that you guys were putting out that there are some questions what not to ask. You know, sometimes these lone soldiers come back and they have these triggering questions like people don't know and they're asking these stupid questions like killings and this and that and it's it's just you have to have a little bit of cycle of uh you know this person just is coming back. He went through he didn't go through what you went through. It's a whole different world over there to be a little bit more sensitive. I want to I want to share with everyone on Purim, people don't realize it is that the fireworks, other things like that that are going off for someone that's in a war zone. >> Yeah. >> All of a sudden to not be ready for an explosion or something like that, it really triggers them. I'm going to I'm going to tell you all what happened. I was in Lakewood 3 weeks ago and I was there for a wedding and I was in the parking lot just um just getting ready to go in and I went to the far end of the parking lot and I have no idea what happened but someone shot off a fireworks literally right behind my car like they shot it towards the car. I jumped behind and it just brought me back and again I don't feel like I have PTSD or anything like that but it brought back flashbacks of like wait >> war military like where like what's going on danger like my body automatically is the danger zone where is it what's happening what's going on over here and as a soldier someone that's really struggling when that all of a sudden happens to them it could get them stuck in a place that they're in a in a really dangerous place for themselves and you know it was funny because I was looking at the back after I saw that and I see these young father with their kids were like laughing away at it and I was like >> they have no idea what they just did and imagine for someone else that they're not sensitive to >> it's unbelievable and how many years are you out of the army >> so I'm not out much I'm saying um I've been in this war three times I served and >> so it's uh but again my last time I was deployed was a year ago one year ago >> wow amazing so what part of joining the army um is really different than you see in the what we know is what we see. But what is really not fantasy? >> I want to share with everyone. If someone says to me, I want to go to the military, I always tell them, you know what you could do? Go on to YouTube, find an 8 hour clip of a black screen and just stare at it for 8 hours. Cuz that's what you're doing most of the times. You're guarding. You're watching over things and there's nothing happening. And you have to just know however tired you are, however challenging it may be. It might be freezing cold outside. It might be boiling hot, you're just going to have to do that. And it's not fun. But on the flip side of it, that's one of my most amazing experiences of the military was doing those long shme, those long guard duties out there when there's nothing and you're by yourself and it's just pitch black. But you know what? You look far out and you see in the horizon, you see these little villages, Yeshu, these little um settlements all over Israel and you see them having lights on them and you're like, I'm here because I'm literally protecting these families. Those people that are sleeping now are able to sleep in peace because I'm standing here. However cold and hot it is, that's what I'm doing. >> That is heroic. I mean, people don't understand this part. people understand the action, the combat, but what you just described is like being with your own thoughts for hours and hours and hours. >> I People have no clue what it's like there. And I think that's the that's the most challenging piece as well for for so many soldiers. They go you can really go nuts. You got to you know, how do you keep yourself awake? How do you keep yourself you know your your body is emotionally exhausted? People say, "Hey, I could do like a, you know, 24-hour intensive bike for Kai," or, "You know, I could do an intensive marathon." And it's like, well, just imagine right now your body body's physically drained for a year and a half, two years, three years straight. And it doesn't it doesn't make a difference. Okay, I got a good night of sleep because you never get a good night of sleep. The the famous thing you always say in the military is you're always called up in the middle of the night to do guard duty or something else like that. So, you're never sleeping. And then you have missions at night. So you're sleeping during the day, then the middle of the day, you have to get up for the next briefing, you have to get up for this, you have to clean this, you have to clean your gun, you have to go for a training, of course, you're constantly always doing. So you're always on 2, three hours of sleep, woken up, maybe get another catnap for an hour there. It's just the body's totally exhausted. >> It's just unbelievable. But what part of being in the army gives you that feeling of uh of belonging, of identity? Which part is it coming together, friends? Is it What is the Why do they feel so good over there? Like it's a is it a tribe? What is it? >> I'm going to say I'm going to say for me, even though it's challenging with my Hebrew, just so many of you understand, again, I grew up reading Gamarra, reading, but my Hebrew is >> you're an American at the end of the day. So, there's certain things that you also don't feel connected with, like you don't understand all the jokes they're saying. you don't understand >> slaying >> the the slaying or other things. But I feel like the biggest connection point is when I have all of a sudden there's a mission that we're going on or we're doing something uh together and I might not understand anything but I just look around in silence and just understand that there we're all the same age. We're all here together just stopping our lives >> and everything just to protect other Jews. And I I think about this especially during this war because and before the war as well was like you're you're literally going and you're stopping your life whatever you're doing and you're with these people that you really on a regular dayto-day when you're in America you can decide who you want to be friends with who you don't want to be friends with. The difference in the military is you don't have that choice. You're sleeping. You're bunking as an adult with people that you have nothing necessarily to do with, but you're training together with now. They become people they have to work alongside and you have something we call in the military as a semit which is a partner and you got to do everything with them. You can't be you can't go on your own because it's not safe and you have to always work together as a team. So you got to make sure that no matter what differences you have, you really work together and these things of just looking at everyone's faces and looking at their lives. I think for me that gives me the most like all inspiring like brotherhood because we're all different. It doesn't make a difference. You have a keepa, you don't have one. Whatever you have, what whoever you are, you're just all connected. And they say there's no atheists in the foxhole. Yeah. >> And it's really like that because >> I always I I saw this during the war. There was right before the war before October 7th, there were massive protests going on in Israel for whoever didn't remember about the Judeaical reform. And there was there was a lot of challenge going on right left you know whatever center everyone was fighting and no one realized and the enemy didn't realize how unified a country became because of the atrocities of what Hamas did and what Iran how it unifies us because at the end of the day we're months and months together in a war zone right now and it doesn't make a difference who you are. body is together for a mission outside of you also. You're not serving yourself, you're serving the country, you're serving other people that that the mission even though you have people, but let me ask you a question. Isn't language barrier an issue? Like if you have a team and you're running in the dark and you have a you have to focus, how is language barrier if you don't understand 100% the you know the what they're saying? How is that working? >> So again, a lot of times in the army they have uh you know, you do pre-armmy programs like in the army itself you do something called where you do learn Hebrew. I actually didn't get to do that course cuz I went to a different unit that didn't have that. And so it was definitely challenging at first, but that's why you had basic training, advanced training, but at the end of the day, you learn muscle memory as well, what the what your mission is, what you have to do, and understanding everyone. And again, >> pick up things also. I mean, you got to be on top of your game. Yeah, you have to be on top of your game. Again, there are challenges you see that some people that really can't pick up the language and then unfortunately they get dropped from their unit where they are or other things like that because you know it could be an issue for your mission. >> What was your uh first reality check? You went to you went to the army, you were a b you decided you're going like you said before you fill out papers one, two, all the steps. What was the first reality check that is like whoa? I think for me the first reality check was getting on the bus the first time going to the army was when they said like you could always back out until you put on that uniform >> and that was you know so you're doing all the paperwork you're doing all that other stuff >> excitement >> but then once you get on that bus you're like okay this is it this is this is the real deal and I think for myself that real deal was was in one sense like scary but on the other hand it was also like relieving like I actually got to this point I never thought I would get here >> you know you could talk about all you want and you have so many people also negative about it like you shouldn't go this and that and you're and again you have to deal with yourself everyone has their own things but when you actually make it and you put it on and you realize you're part of something but when you put on that uniform for the first time you're as they call it like you're the lowest rank in the army. So, you're nothing and you don't even know. >> You don't understand anything. However much you could have all these other people that were in the army, >> you you're literally like going into an out of town yeshiva or out of town school and you don't know anyone. Don't know nothing. And you're like, you have to put on that white shirt and you're like, "Okay, like who am I? What am I supposed to do? Who's the rebies? Who's the principal? I don't know anything." And that's what it was like. >> Wow. Was nuts. Um in the in the army in the military uh can you have downtime? Is there time there is fun social and uh or you always have to be alert. >> So the the just in the general dayto-day of every every soldier while during basic training and advanced training you have something called shatas which is an hour off that you have just to take care of yourself. But again even throughout the day the the way that the army works it's a civilian army. So, you know, you do work together with people. You do have time to make jokes. You do have time even in combat. You have a lot of time to be able to speak to each other, to be able to talk. And there is downtime. And it doesn't mean, but again, the downtime in IDF doesn't mean that you're down that you could just sit around all day and there's nothing happening. It's you'll have downtime, but then you got kitchen duty. Then you have the downtime and you have um you got to clean your guns and next time all sudden you have a meeting for intelligence. you have the meeting for um you know what your next mission at hand is or you know there's always things happening so the downtimes in between but even in between there's so much good energy I would say that happens between other people that you have friends coming in and everyone makes jokes between each other so it is nice cuz you always have you think about it you have a group of 20 people everyone has to get there on time at a certain place you have everyone's there 3 minutes before you know if you guys crack jokes make other jokes and you know so it does make it like a really fun >> there is a little chill over Yeah, it's definitely it's definitely something special about that. >> Now, how does the IDF train people as far as dealing with fear? Now, fear is a na a natural thing that people have, especially you're going out. Um, what do you do with that fear? >> I really believe that the fear is knowing what the mission is and also the mission of why we're here, why we're protecting the Jewish people. And then the rest is muscle memory. And what does that mean by you just you go on the mission, you go out that door and you just do what you got to do. You don't you don't have the time to really think about is it I'm worried, you know, I'm worried is it what's it going to be? What it's not going to be. The biggest challenge in this war happened that I saw was when people had downtime and they were on their phones and they saw videos of kamas propaganda or saw other things out there >> and those that don't have a meaning and purpose, it was really much more challenging for them. But those that did have you know you know they had their structure of whether it was some people that were ding some people you know even for a minute someone puts on or they pray you know they pray or they do something for themselves that you know could be able to help them grow as an individual then you know your time is very busy and then even so you have a little jokes but then we have a mission we just we're out we got to go we got to do the thing and you don't you don't have time to think. Does the IDF train you to get a grip on your mind? Is that part of the curriculum? Like not to let your mind wander away where it's not supposed to? >> We never had that. I know some units definitely do that and the IDF is also getting much better at that being able to help after military now, but it wasn't it wasn't something that that was the focus on. >> Yeah. Now, how does how is a relationship in the IDF like the like you you like you mentioned before the friendship different from having friends on the outside like before you went we're a bunch of friends we chill we do but there's a difference when people are have a mission and and as you know important and and very dangerous ones does that bond the group in a different way >> I'll tell you the the bond that happens really comes from the events that you have together. And what I mean by that is my unit, we were all together for 10 years already in reserves. And we get together once a year, once every two, you know, once a year for training. We'd have a mission for a month. We do other things in the reserves at this point. And it wasn't until October 7th that we were there together for such a long time. And then unfortunately four of my teammates were killed and six were injured that it really built an even stronger bond with everyone because now it's it's a life mission to live the legacy of those that were killed. And I think that's that's what builds up something that's also makes it challenging for me because I'm 6,000 miles away from it even more than that. And you know, you just can't be together with everyone when there's an event or there's, you know, tonight's uh Aviad's birthday, let's do something for him and he was killed, you know, so let's do something for the family or his son's bar mitzvah, you know, stuff like that. And you know, I can't be there. So for me, it's also like that challenging, but you see how much everyone's connected and even though people are still injured till today, um this is a year later, year and a half later from Lebanon. Now you were very close with this uh with these few who died like >> two I were two I didn't I weren't um and how it works was um Harari's from Brooklyn New York actually he served yeah he served he served when I was in my regular unit in 2009 2010 he he served then he was actually my commander and then when I finished my service I wanted to go back into the reserve so I reached out to him and he said why don't you come to my unit that I'm in right now so I actually joined him and He was he was the person that I always spoke to when there's the next call up for reserves, when I should come, what the right thing is cuz he's an American, easy to speak to my Hebrew, however much it gets rusty. He's the one that's able to, you know, make sure that I uh know when everything is know the know the inside details. And unfortunately he was killed on um literally um Hosana last last Hosana not this last year but the year before that to 2024 literally a few minutes before Simra started in Lebanon. >> Was he married? >> He's married with three kids. Yes. >> That is painful stuff. Now how many vets you know miss the army? It's a very challenging question that you ask because I got a message from one of the lone soldiers. He was telling me, you know, a lot of the podcasts that a lot of people go on is they share about their stories of what happened in this war, but there's a lot of them that weren't able to go back. And for so many of them, it's so painful because when he's saying miss the army is we're trained to be able to go and save lives, protect the Jewish people, be a fighter, be able to do whatever it is. And because of the circumstances, whatever it is, they're not able to go and they're not looked at as a hero. They're not looked at as, "Oh, you were part of this war or anything like that." And it breaks them inside. So when you say they missed the army, inside every every soldier, I would say 99% of them, whether they went back or they didn't go back, for them, it's the it's it's not their calling or it's a nice idea. It's their identity. Every one of us, it's our identity. and all of a sudden I can't go back because unfortunately um you know I just got married or you know I have kids right now or I'm in school right now and I can't leave or I have a job that if I do that I can't support my family or whatever it may be. It breaks them so much inside and and I could tell you this from speaking to the hundreds that didn't go back by this war. They're totally broken and no one really understands that. And on the flip side, when you said what questions not to ask a soldier, I'll tell you even more hurtful are the people that say, "Oh, you weren't in Gaza. Oh, you didn't go back for this world." Ah, you're nothing. And I could tell you, I saw that firsthand. There was someone that got injured a few months right before the war and he broke his shoulder in a car accident. And he wanted to go back and he couldn't go back because he wouldn't have been helpful and he needed to be there for his family. So all a sudden I was with him somewhere and someone said, "Oh, did you go back for this war?" And he said, "No, I couldn't. I was injured." Like, "Okay, so you're not a real soldier." And I was like, "That's so wrong for you to say that. This is someone that's given his life. So just because it's not today and it wasn't this past 2 years, he's not he's not validated for anything that he's done. He literally put his life on the line to protect the Jewish people." And there's not just one, two, there's thousands of soldiers like that. And so how many miss it? And it's a calling for them. And even when they can't go, I would say 99.9% of them. >> Wow. It's these are special people. People who were never in the army would never understand. It should bother somebody that they can't be on the front lines. These are people with special hearts. This is this is people who give their lives away. This is no self. No self whatsoever. And it's it's it's mindboggling. >> I I would say it's even it's it's more than that. It's it's something that's so deep inside that a regular average person like you said that never did the military will never understand it. But for someone that this is what their identity is, this is what they're doing. is when everyone's running away from a fire, they're the ones right running into the firefight. They're the ones saying, "No, the country's burning. I'm not looking for a flight to get out of Israel. I'm looking for the first flight possible to get into Israel." >> Oh my god. >> And then how many soldiers also couldn't go back and they got into serious fights with their spouses and other people because they really like felt like they had to go and they couldn't go. It's crazy. I I could tell you the amount of people, the calls that I got. We had calls with our with the lone soldiers. We had Zooms with them and one-on-one phone calls with them about those that couldn't go or wanted to go. Is it the right decision to go? And again, it's the same thing I always say before. I'm not the one to say yes to go or not to go. I'm here to help them make the right decision for themselves. But those that didn't go and even those that went, it's such a sacrifice. And those that went 5 years ago, people don't realize this. They gave their life also. I have I have one of the soldiers, he lost one of his u lost two of his teammates, one's seriously injured, not during wartime. And and people would think like, okay, he was never in combat. I'm like, he was never in combat? Because you guys don't realize because it's not every day on the news that there's a war going on that Israel is literally in combat every single day. Our lives are on the line every day. And even right now you say, "Oh, it's quiet in Gaza." Is it really quiet in Gaza? When you know every single second that there's another tunnel that they could pop out from. Like don't think for a second when it's calm, it's calm. And then for someone transitioning back, their nervous system is still always prepared for like you have that explosion behind you of like where's the danger out there? And the second I'm trained as a reservist, I also know that I got to go back to the war zone. and I got to switch my mind back into being a soldier again. And that's what the most incredible pieces about the military are when you talk about fear or other things of like how we work is we work with switching our mind from everything's casual, we're here, we're talking to all of a sudden if there's a boom, okay, get back into where's the situation, where are we at, what's going on over here. But it's also very challenging that way because a lot of times we could be in Manhattan or we could be in the city and also we hear a loud explosion and our first thought comes down to wait scene safety. What's going on? Where are we at? And I brought this up to so many people when there were the drones that were flying here in New York, New Jersey. This was a year ago. I had a really hard time with that because I was by Lebanon by we were there you were watching every single night as the drones were coming in from Hisbala and you get back to New York and all a sudden you hear these unmanned drones. You see them and it just brought me back to are they really safe? You have no idea. There's nothing to do. You're a civilian. Like I don't know. And it gets you into a place. I reached out to one of the soldiers just like a good friend of mine that's also a soldier said it was at 1:00 in the morning. I said, "Just want you to know like I'm really feeling uneasy about I'm not I'm in a okay I'm in a good place. Like I'm fine, but inside of me, my heart doesn't feel good. My head doesn't feel good about this." And I just want you to know that like just I'm not I'm not like I'm okay, but I'm not okay. Like I'm my head's thinking of the war zone. >> These people are a different fabric than what we're discussing here. Um what happens when the soldier comes home? Why do they feel invisible? >> The biggest challenge that everyone has, no one gets us. You won't understand what we've been through. You won't understand what it's like. And if you put me standing next to you, I'm a regular individual. I'm a regular human being. I'm not better than you or worse than you. It's not it's not that. It's not something of of ego, but it's about the weight that we carry with us. The vest that we carry with us with our equipment, with our helmet is a weight, but you take it off, you know, it could feel lighter, but emotionally it's not lighter. You're still carrying the war with you. You're still carrying combat with you. And it doesn't and it's not that, okay, I could just say let it go. Most 19, 20, 25 year olds, 30 years old that are here in America or outside of Israel don't see combat, don't see what it's like to have your life on the line. The interesting thing is for so many of us soldiers, we don't even realize how many times we're in a danger zone. And it's an interesting place to put it. like you know one time you're in I would say you're like you're in Gaza and then the next day or you're in Janine or you could be in Lebanon and then the next day you're back in New York City you're just here to get a job and you're you're just doing your thing but your mind is there everything is there you're worried about what's going on you're worried about your teammates are you getting called up or is something else happening and I think even for myself like I I always say this so people understand last year I was in the middle of a war zone and I had a flight that night. It was a Sunday night. So I was in the middle of the war zone. Gave my equipment back. We're by Lebanon, right by the border of Lebanon, right there after we pulled out of Lebanon. Says February time last year. And so we're literally watching over His trying to rebuild and stuff like that. There's all these incidents going on along the border. and given my gun, my equipment, and I go straight down to Benoron, fly out at midnight flight or to New York. I arrive here at 5:00 in the morning, uh, back in New York, and then at 7:00 in the morning, I'm taking my kids to school. Does that make sense? Like, everyone else here is like, okay, life moves on. Oh, how are you for sure? How are everything's going on normal? I'm going back to my job. by have my Sunday coffee morning like no what's going on with my teammates right now. Okay, they're about to go on the next mission. You know, I didn't even process it yet. I didn't process anything. So, all of a sudden, everything that's that is going on is still on me. Still still the weight on my shoulders. And then when you see the things that are happening, you can't either process them fast. It's a it's a process of healing. And so no one realizes that everyone's carrying this big boulder on our shoulders. And people don't realize this and I and I only saw this really after my teammates were killed was you're going to struggle and it's okay. You're going to have a hard time. It's not easy. As I'm thinking of this now, like it's painful. It really is. >> Yeah. >> But you know what? Like this is this is this is the price we pay for making sure that every Jew could be safe in Israel. And >> for that like you know what I'll go do it again and again and again. >> This is beyond words. But what would a lone soldier want from the average person to to know about him to understand? What would what is he expecting from us? The biggest thing I would say is appreciate and check in. Appreciate check in and see to help out, which is it's simple. It's >> be sensitive >> is appreciate them for their service. You're not going to hear what they did. They're not going to talk about it. Most of the times, even those that did, you'll hear, but appreciate them. Don't look at them as, oh, this guy doesn't have a job now or he does. you know, it could be in a good place, but respect them who they are >> and check in with them. Check in with them. Say, "Hey, how's everything going? Do you want to go out for a coffee one day?" Like, "I'm busy with my life. What, you know, I'm busy running around here making money. I'm busy doing my business." This like like no, just randomly. You have a guy in your sh, someone in your school that you know that was there say, "Hey buddy, you want to come out? I'm actually going on a boat next week. Would you want to just come with me boating? You want to come out with me for a breakfast? I'm going to go somewhere. You want to come?" Like, "Wow, that's nice of you." Yeah, like I really appreciate you. And then if you find out that someone you have an opportunity out there, share it with them. Say, "Hey, do you know of anyone that needs right now I'm looking for another person to work in my company. Do you know anyone that could use that or do you need a job?" It's a simple thing because so many of the people out there like they'll do one thing. They be like, "I respect this guy, but yeah, like they're good on their own or they're enough and they're good. They don't need anything and they're fine." And >> and really they're not. It's just simple things and and and and it has to be said because it should wake people up because people are like everybody's going on with their own lives and here are people who really deserve a break if there is a job out there or if there is a needs a pat on the back who else who else needs is the biggest you can do. >> I could tell you for everyone that's watching this and listening to this try it try one thing you know of a lone soldier. you know someone out there and you're going to a baseball game, call them up and say, "Hey, would you want to come go next week to a baseball game?" I got literally yesterday a message from two different lone soldiers that both went to a baseball game together watching the World Baseball Classic in in Florida of Team Israel playing there. Both them met up with each other there and both them sent me separately a picture of them together with each other. Hey, I just met him at the game. We went to the game together. The other one sent me, hey, I just went to the game together. both the biggest smile and they both needed it. Like what does that take to do? You know, >> someone says, "I got a concert ticket to somewhere. You know what? Maybe I have an extra seat over here. I'll buy one for another $75 to give so they can come to a concert with me." And say, "Hey, do you have anyone we uh that needs a ticket?" And be like, "You know what? Someone could use this." And just be friendly with them. Be a friend. That's all that's all they need. >> Now, let me ask you something. a lone soldier coming back after a rough time. Do they feel quite a few years older? Does do they feel they aged like exhausted? >> The biggest thing you see from anyone that served and when they come back they grow up. >> Maturity. >> You look at a difference of a year and a half >> to two years. You look at the picture when someone drafted to when they finish two different people. >> Wow. >> It's like a baby face and an adult face. >> You're a different person. You are not the same. >> Not the Not at all. >> Can you explain for the for the average person what PTSD is? >> I want to share for most people what it's also not. You know, the word PTSD, post-traumatic stress disorder, >> we think of a soldier coming back that everyone's gonna have it, that everyone's like, "Oh, you're wounded uh you know, your wounded uh goods. You're not good with this." >> The reality is very, very few people have actual PTSD. >> There are symptoms that they could have with it and other things, you know, irritable, they have other symptoms of >> Is there nightmares? Is there anger? Is there numbness? I mean, what's what's what what's involved in this PTSD? >> So, there's there's the the real piece that comes down to it is if it becomes a disorder. For some people, it's okay, I've struggled for a few weeks with it. I'm back to myself. I'm okay. I'm getting into a place there's the transition part. And that's that's one thing is for those that have this almost like a chronic type of piece that it goes on for a long time and they can't get out of it and there's other symptoms that come with it. That's that's really where it's challenging. But the reality is that there's out of 10 soldiers, you'll have maybe three that were in like an intensive combat that really will struggle for a very very long time. Then there's others that will be hey they'll be in a medium place where it's it's a challenging transition and then others that are can be totally fine. But understanding that it doesn't mean you won't have flashbacks. It doesn't mean it won't be challenging. It doesn't mean you won't get angry at things. It doesn't mean you won't have struggles. And I think that's very very important for people to realize. But those that have real PTSD, it's very hard to function. >> What is the solution for that? Like what do they recommend as far as you know the professionals? >> It's an interesting thing. I I haven't found there's there's no one sizefits-all for anyone. And that's really where the model of what we have as organization. I always tell everyone is the reality is let's mitigate PTSD. Let's help lessen it. Because one person is going to say you try this thing, this treatment, it's the best thing out there. Other person said, "Well, that didn't work for me so I tried this one, try this one, try that." Everyone has their own I would call it like their own shock that works for them to be able to help them. And you know, everyone's different, but what I really like to do even for ourselves is like, can we help prevent it a little bit, make it lessen, and the way to do that is by us when we built the organization of it was having these three pillars of like a community just like having people that could understand you where you are and seeing that someone has eyes and ears on the ground like, hey, I just saw Sam the other day or I saw Miriam and they're, you know, they're really struggling. So, you know, I went out with them. I took them out. Kind of what we said before. It's like someone could just take someone out. You see someone struggling, just go out there, have that community for them, have events for them. Then the other piece was like, hey, there's different types of therapy. So, we did the mental health part, which was very important, whether it's binding them therapy, taking away the taboo of mental health. I think that's such a big thing for any veteran is like, I'm okay, I'm good with it. And you have to be able to say like, let's normalize it. Like, we're all not okay. And you know what? That's fine. And we could all be struggling and I know a lot of times people have a very hard time with that and we've done group uh group sessions many times and you know and I'm very vulnerable there and I I want everyone to know the reason why I'm vulnerable is because I also struggle and it's fine to struggle. It's fine to be real of who you are because that helps with the healing. >> That's why I love your the name of your podcast. epic struggle because it's real. >> And if we're real about it, >> we can really help them out. And then again, I think one of the big things also is like our pillar is also the career part is like you can't have people staying at home all day. That is a danger. That is a real real problem out there. And it's a problem for anyone. Anyone that's at home has nothing to do. >> I was going to ask you if a lone soldier comes back and you're dealing with this a lot because you know this you're dealing with the aftermath. Is boredom a big issue? Because all of a sudden they were so busy, so alert. Like you said, you sleep with one eye open and you're watching this in the dark and all of a sudden you come back and you got a lot of time on your hands between jobs and you want that mind of yours to calm down so you can get this job. Is boredom an issue? >> I'm going to reframe that word. >> It's the lack of meaning and purpose that's an issue. And just for everyone to understand this, like it's so important to realize, you need to be able to be missiondriven in life. You can't be stuck with not doing anything. >> But what you're seeing something is very, very important. Let me take you to a little deeper level. You start off here in the US. You go there and you get a mission and you put meaning to it and you love what you're doing. You're becoming a hero to the world and to yourself. You're coming back and you're forgetting your mission. You're knocking yourself down. You forget who you are and you have to start again fresh. >> It's even it's it's exactly like that. But it's it's >> that's life. >> That's life. >> The pro the problem with this life though is >> you're now three years behind everyone else because your life stopped and everyone else kept them moving forward. So what you have right now is we have a lot of guys that are coming back and girls as well. Um where's who's your friend group? You can come back to your own hometown where you were. Yeah. All my friends moved on. They're married. They have jobs or whatever it may be. and you're in a place of I'm just trying to figure my stuff out right now. And your friends are like, "Yeah, I can meet with you once every few weeks because I'm married now or I'm very busy with life." And I'm like, "I don't even have a job. I got to figure out if I'm going to college, if I'm going to university, if I'm doing um trying to find a job, whatever else it may be." >> Wow. >> Would you say that coming home is harder than the combat? >> No question about it. >> Wow. >> That's a powerful statement. Coming home is so heartbreaking for so many because you were this and as I talked about before on the clouds you were going up and up and up and then you come home >> you're nothing. The uniform comes off and you become nothing. And not only you become nothing, it's like it's it's it's the metaphor is that you're stripped of everything and you forget your mission. This is what life is all about. This is what the school teach us. You fall. You fall and you need to get up again. You would think that after the experience that you went through that you won't forget. Not only you forget, you can end up in the lowest part of your life in depression and you have to grab yourself by the bootstraps and come back up. Imagine that. That's what you guys are doing. This is Hashem's work what you're doing. I'm going to tell you a story that just happened about a soldier whose name is Josh Boon. He served in this war 748 days. He got out of service out of Gaza a month a two months ago two months and two weeks ago he got out of Gaza and he was struggling for a long time. He was a sniper. Literally saved so many lives by his work that he was doing. And he's from Idaho. So there's not many Jews from there. And he served kept on serving in the army, serving, serving, serving during this war. And he was struggling, very much struggling personally with addiction and other pieces. And when he got out, unfortunately, he overdosed. And this was 2 weeks after he got out of Gaza. And he wasn't recognized by the military as a fallen soldier. He wasn't given a burial as a soldier, as a fallen soldier. And that broke thousands of soldiers that served. I got calls from soldiers that whole week. just broken down in tears of saying the government, the military doesn't recognize someone that we know that the reason why he was struggling with addiction was because of this war. We know that this warp did such a hard thing on him and now he gets zero honors of anything. And I had a soldier send me his will and he said until this changes that Josh will be recognized as a soldier that was fallen as a military soldier and that others are recognized that if you could tell clearly this is from combat. I do not allow myself to be buried cuz he's still in the military in a military. I don't want to have government officials. I don't have politicians. I don't want to have nothing. I want to be buried alongside Josh. That shows how broken people are because they feel that they're forgotten the second they take off that uniform. That is that is something else. But let me let me ask you a different question. Let me move over to uh another subject. After joining the army, coming back dating, does that affect anything? It's such a powerful topic that you just touched on because on one hand, I'm so grateful to Hashem for where where I am with my amazing wife. She's a partner in all that we do for the Lone Soldiers. But if I could tell you how many marriages are broken and the dating pieces of it, the processes again from dating to marriage, it is killing me inside. >> It is a world for itself. What's going on as far as this this subject? >> Um I'm no I'm no joke saying this. I yesterday I told my wife I said we got to up our game as an organization on helping out those that are trying to get married and those that are married right now because >> 100% >> we are losing way too many to broken marriages which comes from you know a struggle and then it goes to a place of that their children are ruined and those that have children and we and you just see everyone being broken And >> it is a downward spiral. >> It's terrible. >> And this is a subject that is that that that must be addressed. I mean, your mental health comes first. I understand support comes first, but it is not possible that this does not get affected. >> Again, I'm not I'm not even talking about the dating part because I've seen in the dating part how challenging it is. It's the marriage part of it that there's so many that are in this idea of like, "Yeah, it's all good. I figured everything out, but really underneath it, they have no idea how to be able to have a marriage. And those that were dating before going into the combat or those that were in reserves and now all of a sudden they they have PTSD or they have struggles after. The reason why so many also get divorced is because I recognized you before as one person and now you're a different person. >> You were saying before they you come out a different person. You're not the same. And I think it's the biggest challenge out there. And we have we have so many organizations out there that are helping people, but no one recognizes that for a young adult, they're going to have a boyfriend, a girlfriend to get married or start dating. And if they don't have the tools for themselves, but to be able to succeed in a marriage or be able to succeed while dating, they're they're heading for disaster because there's no way they're going to be able to sustain a marriage with their struggles that they're dealing with. It seems like your organization has still a long way to go. There's so much arms in this organization that could help people. Now, as far as intimacy and relationships, I'm assuming that that's also affected this. It breaks my heart. It really does. I'm saying this topic I I could talk on for hours. It's it's really really sad because >> there's no tools out there and especially in the youth for today. >> It's not brought up in school systems. It's not brought up as a taboo subject. And again, I'm not talking about even for soldiers just in general, right? >> And then you expect someone >> that's coming back from a war to be able to and again, not even war, just someone that's a soldier and like we said, they change in general. >> How could they be the best that they could be when they don't have the right tools? the parents don't know how to deal with and if they come from anything with a broken relationship or not the right um you call mentors out there or right examples they're going to be in a bad place and this is >> such a critical piece for today's day and age when you know in general relationships are struggling in general marriages are struggling it's not just about soldiers but then you add on >> this other piece and you're in for an even bigger disaster and I talk about this with PTSD all the time. I say the the people that have a bigger challenge are those that have childhood trauma with uh seeing a challenging experience in the military because you're basically taking two things and meshing them together and you get then get a total mess. And we have to be able to recognize that that it's not that they're better in the sense of, oh yeah, you serve, so you're you're more you're you're a bad, you know, bad or good or whatever it is. But you are a person that because your friend could have had the same child childhood trauma. Let's say let's say there were two people that both had sexual they were sexually abused as a child, but then one goes to the military and now all of a sudden they've seen some really intense combat. the person that just had child, you know, was was just abused. They're having their own struggles, which is real. Now, you have that with military stuff. It's a whole different world that you're dealing with. >> Now, let me ask you the do you deal with soldiers who come back and they freeze, they become numb, you know, they numb their emotions and they become very distant. Is that a coping mechanism that you see a lot? I'm going to tell you two phrases that I'm thinking of as you're saying this just so people really understand. There's the phrase of I shut down my emotions and just run and every day they're working literally 80 to 120 hour weeks. And this is a big problem because for so many don't even realize that they're destroying their life with constantly being on the role of I got to do I got to do and people take advantage of them. They think, "Oh, wow. These guys are the most motivated people out there. They're soldiers. I can give them this job to do that. They're working 120 hour weeks. Let's put them to work." And you got to tell them, "No, no, you got to make sure you have a balanced life. You got to be able to make sure you're not taken advantage of because you're a guy that's like this soldier. Like you said, I come out of the army and I'm like, I'm this go-getter. I shut off all the emotions that happen. I'm going to be working. >> The best worker in the world." >> And they are. There's so many that are the most incredible workers, but they're they're just their minds numb. And one of the soldiers told me such a crazy story. This was years ago. He got a job and he bought a sleeping bag to the office and he would sleep in the office every day cuz like I wanted to be there. I would be there at night. I just wanted to shut down my emotions, not think about anything there. And that's not healthy. That's not normal. But the flip side is there's another freeze. There's a freeze of getting stuck. And the stuck is such a dangerous place to be. There are soldiers in our own community right here, wherever you are in the states. that's going to listen to this that aren't leaving their homes. People don't know that they're really stuck and struggling. They're frozen and they can't get a job. They can't move forward. And I had this issue and I reached out on we have one of our support groups for the soldiers. I wrote on it. I said, "Guys, what do you do when someone's stuck? When someone's frozen?" Like, and a soldier said to me, "That's what's happening with me right now. I'm stuck. I'm frozen. I can't I can't go out of my home. And I tried visiting him, tried going to do things and trying to get others to visit. Doesn't want any of that. Doesn't want and he knows he's struggling. And then there's another soldier that a similar story happened to was I'm reaching out and I realize that they're struggling and struggling and tried reaching. The first time they answer and then after they don't answer, but I say, "You know what I'm going to do? I know that they see my messages. Even though it's not blue checked on WhatsApp or whatever it is, I know they're seeing it. So I send the message every 2 three days and there's one friend that was connected with this person. He said you know the the friend's upset this guy the guy that's struggling is upset that I keep on reaching out to him and I said to him I said I want you to know one thing from being in this type of work. At the end of the day he could say he's upset but for him it means everything that there's someone that constantly thinks about him and it could save his life. And that friend said you know what good point. you probably know better than me what what's going on. And you know what? This week I got a message from this person that's struck stuck and he says, "I want to say I'm sorry for not answering your messages and I really appreciate so much every time you send those messages." Now, do we have uh trust issues also to to go back and start trusting again? You know, it's because they were hyper sensitive. They've seen it all. So to come back and and and to society and start trusting and start being excited, this this does a job on you. This just so you know, any you could tell so easily when someone's a soldier. And one of the greatest ways to do that is you see we'll never we'll never when we go to a restaurant, we go anywhere, we don't keep our backs to the door. We're always facing the door. >> Every time you meet me meet someone and I could tell you how many stories there were >> because you want to scan the always want to be in control, right? >> Always want to be in control and know what's going on. So, you can go to a restaurant, you see someone, they're like, "Okay, that guy's a soldier." And you go over them like, "Hey, you serve?" He's like, "Yeah, serve." They're like, "Okay, wow. Perfect connection that you make." >> But the trust in general is very hard because I had that with, you know, unfortunately, we were at a checkpoint and we had a person that was being so nice to us and saying, "Can you let us go through?" And we knew no one was allowed to go through at this checkpoint at the time. like, "I have to go. I have to go." And I'm like, "This is the rule. Like, you can't go through here right now. It's closed." And they're like, "No, you're such a nice person." I'm like, "This is the rules. The rule. Like, you can't come through here." And all of a sudden, they started cursing out, "We're going to blow you up. We're going to kill you. We're going to kill your children. We're going to do this." Like, unfortunately, I can't be in a place right now that I my trust recognizing that is very, very low because I've seen the worst in mankind. And with that being the case, my trust levels are always going to be like low because I just don't feel comfortable saying, "Oh yeah, everyone's just good and they always have good intentions." When they show they have good intentions, but you know that there's something more dangerous. You got to you're you're you're more hyper alert of what's going on. Always. >> You're saying something amazing because this is happening in everyday life. Also, when you talk to somebody, you have no idea who you talk to. They can be the nicest person or they could wear a mask and you've lifted. You've seen these people and then you're like if you let your guard down and then you find out that you can't trust them, you know, it's all it's all a facade. You lose complete trust in in anything. You got to prove it to me. >> 100%. It's it's so it's so it's such the DNA of all of us living there is that you you don't have that trust. And you got to really at the end of the day know that if you do trust and you did it wrong, you could lose your life or your teammates could lose their life. >> Pay a price for it. >> And it's a life that sometimes can't be changed. Let's talk about um spirituality and religion in the army. Um what role does that play? And I know there's all kinds of people, but being on the fire is that is that a tool that people use. Is that part of a lone soldier? Shem is with me dabing constantly always saying something. Does that do something to your mind? >> Say like the the most incredible piece about what it is under fire is you realize that you're not in charge that you have Hashem and no matter what like he's watching over you and also know that you're doing this for him. you're doing, you're the modern day makabe out there. You're doing what Hashem wants you to be doing there. And in the spiritual aspect of it, this war brought out in such a beautiful way that those that spent time learning or connecting on whichever level they were emotionally, they were in such a better place. They were they were in a place of I'm not just sitting on my phone doing nothing and just scrolling at the news the whole day. Aiad before he was killed. So we were have we had one of our things. We were up in the north and we're up in the north and he would always have every day like a dafomi. He would do every day dyomi with the guys and it was just that was his time that he spent when he had faith. They were learning they were learning dam. They had their little booklets of that family and they were learning that together and it was just so powerful to see that again I do my learning every day but they would do it and it was what made them so strong but also made us like in a place of we're a holy nation. We're holy people. We're not just here of just because we're here. We're here because there's a spiritual purpose as well. There's spirituality to it. And we're here we we're all part of a nation. and we're part of something special. And that that really is what made the people that I think connected with spirituality during this war be able to really be in a in a better place emotionally and mentally. >> And it's such an important piece. It's like a big part of it. It's not like you just go in there, you have a job, and we'll tell you what to do and then get it done and come out. There's something more. There's this there this this is something that a person would give their life to is because there's something higher than just I want to win. The mission is so important and you're connected to this mission and it's you die for this. You're ready for to die for this. I'm going to give I'm going to give it over. Like if you could look back at the history of the Jewish people and realize that the place where you're stepping on and you're defending is the place where Aam Jacob, you know, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob where they stood. This was their land. You know, this is this is our history. And you connect with it. Then you know what you're fighting for. And I tell this to lone soldiers all the time. There's so many that come from America, from outside of Israel, and they just they they want to go whatever it is. But if they don't connect with the land, they don't connect with the people, with the nation, with the spirituality part of it, it's a hard it's a different service. >> It's a different service. There's a link missing. >> And the second all of a sudden they connect in this way, it's so incredible. And I I'm going to share this story. There was one of the soldiers who's not religious and he was putting on tillin one morning and I asked him I I said to him I said like why are you putting on fillain and he says you know in the beginning of the war I started putting it on and you know like I would I said to Aviad who was killed I said was killed I don't get you religious guys you guys rip through everything you just say everything so fast I, you know, I spend my little time. I say Shama, I say it slowly. I say the words slowly. Like, this guy's not religious at all. Nothing like that. He just puts on his film for 5 minutes. He's like, >> why are you guys just rushing through everything? Take the time and say the words. I'm like, >> think about it. >> Yeah. Like, wow, this guy is saying that >> it was just amazing. >> Just amazing stuff. Now, as far as music and singing, we always see this on videos. They get together in a circle and they they're singing their heart out. Um, do does all these all these little things help you go? You know, you can listen to to wild music, you can listen to jazz, you can listen to some crazy rock, but um just a highly gene. >> It makes all the difference. >> It does something to the to the to the to the soul, to the body, to everything. Right. >> I'll tell you even more than that. It's when you're down or you're tired and drained and all of a sudden someone comes and starts dancing with you guys. It makes such a difference. And I'm going to share with everyone to hear about this. There was a lone soldier that was struggling. This was probably about 8 10 years ago. He was he was struggling. They were doing a allnight um uh training for a mission that they were going on and it was Lagba armor. And he was thinking about everyone that was in Meron. Everyone's coming from around the world. And here he is. He's someplace down in the south right by Gaza, you know, training training. And he was really like broken. And then all of a sudden, he starts like dozing off. It's at 12:00 1:00 in the morning. All a sudden he hears singing from one of the other com other houses, the training houses. They're empty houses. They're used for training. and he hears singing. So he gets up and he goes there and he sees a bunch of his teammates all around a can of tuna that has oil in it with a little toilet paper lit for a little fire and they're all their arms around each other singing and he joins in the singing. He said that was the most incredible uplifting lagr he ever had in his life. >> Wow. That is nuts. Let me ask you something. If something happens on the field, the battlefield and a soldier something bad happens. Now this is a time now they have to deal with this. People around them have to deal with this. How do they deal with this as far as you know spirituality goes? Or some getting angry at Hashem or some get closer? How do I how do I accept something so intense, so real? >> I think the biggest challenge with this is that you have all the different levels of grief and that is a real thing. You see that happen very often is there's the anger part, there's the acceptance of it, then there's, you know, >> there's a place where it's just like, you know, >> why did this happen? maybe I was at fault for it, you know, all these different feelings with it. >> And it's not easy because it lives with you. It lives with you forever. >> And I think that's the biggest challenge that we have is could I have done something different? Could I have made a difference if I was in this spot? If I was doing that? But at the end of the day, it's our job to really think of what those that we lost, what would they want from us? Would they want us to be in a place of being sad, being upset, being angry? And for my teammates, four of them that were killed after I'm not in a religious unit, but they happened to all be religious. Three of them were fathers, one wasn't. and they lost their life in order that we could be able to be here today to be able to live their legacy be able to live life to the fullest. Aviad who was killed. He was in the middle of building a shaw in the middle of the war and because of that what happened right after he was killed there was thousands of hundreds of thousands of dollars people gave donated so that the sh could be finished being built. So you think we would say oh I should pull away from spirituality. That's not what he wanted. He wants us to be able to use his shaw that's now in the name of >> that we could be closer to Hashem and the same with all of them. Um you know Morai he was you know he did a shokco thing of having giving like chocolate out for vashul for the davin he was 42 years old you know father of five like people don't understand this these are the most holy people out there and they were there most involved in the community and for someone like that to be able to say I should pull away because I'm upset no he would be so upset if I would do that he would be he would be furious say what do you I'm here. So now, you know what? I'm here on high watching over all you guys because that's what Hashem wants. That's what God wanted. And however, you know, it's crazy, but I want you to continue the Shoko thing that I'm doing that giving it out to the kids. Do more. Don't do more. Don't do less. Don't go hide in your shell right now. I didn't die so that we should be sad and that we can't move on life. I gave up my life so that now that the whole Jewish nation could flourish. >> Amazing stuff. Now, who does a lone soldier call when they have a down day? They break down. There's no family there. There's the families in the US. The friends are in the US. Who do they reach out to? They have a bad moment. The biggest challenge is a lot of times it's no one. And that's the biggest problem. One of the biggest things that we keep on pushing out there and I keep on telling everyone, you know, we have an organization, no, which means to navigate. But I said, forget about the organization. Let's make it a concept. Let's help each other out. Let's check in with each other. I'll say before a shabas, before a yam, before something, I say, "Guys, invite one or two other friends that wouldn't that you wouldn't usually call, reach out to, do that part. everyone reach out to one person and don't do it to your best friend. Do it to the person that no one's going to call. >> No one's going to call. It's like we have to teach them like you teach them in school like we have to teach each other about and and just be good people. >> And in 2026 is sending everyone here watching listening is sending a person go down your contact list go all the way down go to someone that you didn't speak to in seven months say hey just want to check in see how you doing. That's today. >> Unbelievable. Let me ask you a personal question. Did you ever feel completely alone when you were in in service? Honestly, for me personally, like the military was a place where I was in I was in such a good place, I would say, that I never felt alone in the military. The biggest place where I feel alone is here and now. A lot of times when my teammates were killed and I'm back here, that really to me is the alone part when I'm out of it. Because when I'm there, it's a whole different world. >> What was the darkest moment you ever saw from a vet? Unfortunately, we had a lone soldier that took his life with a gun in front of his mother. >> I think that was the darkest moment because even from his mother, she said as I saw him pull it, I realized he you saw in his eyes that he didn't want it. was almost like no, why am I doing that? I think that was the most challenging because it was a few months before that, you know, that he struggled with almost with overdose and we're able to help and help and worked with him and he was alive for a few months longer. But I think that was like, you know, just a really really hard place to be because, you know, you want to help everyone and when they lose their life on something like that, it's it's like I don't know. I don't know you could say it. It's just like >> it's heartbreaking. >> It's it's heart it's heartbreaking. and like is there anything else we could have done more, you know, like and you know that the person didn't want to have like like that's not what they wanted and I think that was like that that was something that like really was like the saddest thing to see. >> That was a deep depression that he did not see a light by the end of the tunnel. Is that what it is? >> Yeah, it was a deep depression. and a lot of struggles from you know childhood other things that connected with being a amazing combat soldier but as I said before like meshing these two things together just it destroys a person now you're the head of the organization the vote now what you're doing and explain us in a little bit how this organization is bringing back um dignity and belonging and brotherhood um to these people uh and how important jobs and how important it is to put their relationships back, their dating. Explain a little bit how the organization works and how someone can help if they want to be part of this tremendous tremendous mitzvah that we heard today. I think the first word you said stuck with me the most with dignity. For anyone that understands from what we're talking about today, these people are real heroes. They're people that have given their lives for every one of us to be able to be here today, for our children to be able to be here, for our grandchildren, for the future. They don't want to be looked at as a nebula. They really don't. And to that extent, they'll go with no food in their house because they don't have a job right now without asking for help because they rather be fighting in Gaza, fighting in Lebanon, fighting wherever it may be in the Shamron, putting their life on the line of being able to ask for help because we're trained to give. So whatever we do has to be done in a way of understanding they're not looking for a handout. They're looking to be able to give back. And when they're struggling, you have to be able to come from a way that it's not about making a big excitement about what their challenges are, but really putting it with dignity. And when I say that is I think that's one of our most challenging things with the organization. We don't share what we do enough. And it's hard because I can't I can't put out there the stories that I have that I can't even say on a podcast or I can't even share out there. >> And a lot of times people are like, "Yeah, okay." Like, "Yeah, it's a nice organization. It's cute." And it's like, >> you don't realize how many people were lives were saving every day. And you just can't talk about it because our own soldiers are listening to this podcast. Our own families are. Everyone's listening to this. Everyone's watching this, everyone's going to hear. And we got to make sure that they live with dignity because that's critical. >> And so whatever we're doing has to be in a way that we could protect their dignity. And people don't realize that. And because the second you try to go another way, they're going to run the other way. So as an organization, it's also helping with a job. Like yeah, you know what? If you if you want to start making them challenging things for to get a job, they'll figure it out somewhere else. The biggest line I always hear from every lone soldier, I'll figure it out. And that and and will they figure out, will they not figure it out? Who knows? Everyone's different, >> right? >> But that's part of this struggle that's going on is to make sure that they do it with dignity. And as an organization, like I said before, you know, many soldiers are, you know, could just use a job out there or they have their careers like, you know, people sometimes offer like, hey, if I have a job, it's, you know, it's it's it's minimal pay and have stuff like that. I'm like, that's not with dignity because they can't have a family. They can't move forward. So, you're going to treat them like that and expect them to work 100 hours a week because they're a soldier. They should be able to, but you can't give that other respect to them. That's a problem. And so part of what we do is trying to find the people that align with what we're doing and be able to say, "Okay, do you have a job out there? Do you have a way to connect, help a soldier out there? Could you guide them, mentor them?" And again, it's not easy. It's a challenging place, but the people that do that have done miracles for these real heroes. And uh what you're doing really, the bottom line is you're helping human beings. This is >> I I'm I'm member and I just say I say like this a lot of times. I say I'm probably one of the worst members out there because I just don't have the time >> because I get calls at 1:00 in the morning from soldiers in terrible places at 5 in the morning. We get all different times of night and at the same time I say this is saving lives and we can't be um just saying okay like it's a nice thing. It's cute. No, it's like every day there's another story about someone's life that's being saved. And people don't realize this. Someone said to me the other day like, "Yeah, so there's not that many soldiers that are dying from PTSD or struggling after the army." I'm like, "Because there's an organization here. They're part of a community. They have someone checking in on them that's going above and beyond that. You guys don't realize that the numbers are low because there's people that are actually caring and they're like, "Wow, I didn't think of that." Right? It is it is it is unbelievable. So what's the website of the organization if someone wants to help out? >> It's neut.org which again means to navigate and so when I was making it I tried finding a very short name. I didn't want a long one. I was like something unique. So >> that's neut.org. >> Yeah very very important. So Ari, I was going to tell you that we taugh that the hottest part of the army is the battlefield. Uh turns out that the real struggle is the coming home. That's where the problem is. You and your team of Nevada um are doing incredible work and I want to thank you for the important work that you're doing. Everybody has their own mission. Everybody has their own angle and there's plenty organizations out there. But this is yours. You can say that you found yours. You went into the you were in the army and uh you did something with it. you keep on giving it meaning. You keep you you keep on doing the right thing. Um, and we're glad you're here. We're glad that there's somebody standing up and helping fellow soldiers. And Clus, I want to thank you for coming in. It was it was a pleasure. >> 100%. Thank you for having me. >> Thank you. Thank you so much.