The Power of Breathwork: How It Can Reset Your Mind, Body and Soul - Mendy Klein - S2 Ep7

Clonopin is a band-aid for the time being. People always ask me, is medication a great thing? >> I'm asking you, is penicellin a great thing? It's times when you need it. Just like a panic attack can mimic a heart attack. It's not a heart attack. >> Which ideally a lot will happen. Feel your feet on the ground, feel your seat >> or imagine that you're sitting in a place quiet. I release it for them. It's sometimes it's anger, sometimes it's going to be screaming, sometimes going to be humming. This is where the expertise comes in. Everybody that comes in the group, everybody's in their process. They forget even who's in the room. In the toy, I see sematic work, I see breath work, I see emotions. And how many people don't even know that you need compassion for yourself? That's where, you know, no judgment should be coming in. >> Unbelievable >> compassion. Do you remember a client that you saw that came in broken? You saw a tremendous, tremendous breakthrough. Okay. Um, we're joined today by Mendy Klene, uh, a breath work specialist, also a certified life coach and somatic healing practitioner. >> Um, his work is a nonverbal bridge between the head and the heart. And we will dive into this and we want to understand what this is all about. But this conversation is not only about breath work. Um this conversation is about coming back to yourself, finding yourself and become the best that you can be. Mandy, welcome to the struggle. All we can do before we get into this, we can say let's take a deep breath. >> You know, >> yeah, >> the mind, the body, and the soul work together. Correct? This is not a separate thing. >> Definitely not. Meaning it's basically like you're saying you have a car, you have the tires, the engine and the body of the car. So, >> so what you're saying is we cannot ignore one and be busy with the mind. There is a concept also of beloved. >> Correct. >> We know that and therapy that's therapy that's even that I'll just even that sometimes a person is not even ready to go there. >> Correct. So there's steps before that. >> There's steps before that. >> And sometimes dag does not always mean with words. It can be with heart. >> It can be with love. It can be with energy. It can be with uh intuition or with intention really. And that's >> that's what we want to discuss. So before we even start, I want to understand I know you're doing this for a lot of years. >> How did you get into the who introduced you to this and how did you get a liking to this and how did it become your passion? >> How much time do we have? the into the breathing like I I'm fascinated with this concept. I know it's very hot now. Everybody's into it and I want to really understand how the body the breath work will help us u ease our struggles. >> Correct. So um the story is meaning I've been doing on myself a lot of work um on my childhood traumas. Again, I don't know we have we don't have time for everything today, >> but I was being traveling the world and doing different types of therapies and workshops that I saw that helps and I thought that wow the things that I you know I thought I'm always all okay and then I went to a workshop and we did breath work or I went to a practitioner we did breath work and I says wa like everything opened up like I saw like uh my whole life lit up in front of me things that happened for many many years and and emotions that were suppressed and things which that definitely helped me and then I was I was doing for many many years week after week after week breath work for myself with practitioners >> and it's important to do with a practitioner because in general we know healing goes co-regulation in general I mean once you're you know you have it you want to do for five 10 minutes that's a great thing But there is a co-regulation healing when you do it with a practitioner that you feel safe. And the idea is the the idea is we are targeting the nerve system because the nerve system gets irregulated in the time of trauma. The nerve system does not know how old you are and neither does your subconscious mind know the age. They can be still in uterero. They can be any type of age. It's a matter of actually bringing that out. And by not bringing that out, it definitely disrupts you in regular life in many different ways where you're going to get aggravated for no reason or you're going to get, you know, we call it the alostatic load. You you that you're going to be activated very quickly no matter whatever happened or sometimes you see that people in driving they get activated and some people in in shu get activated very quickly for nothing. And this these are things that I very much observe you know in in in in driving and in certain especially city driving where they're great people but I see there is something you know what's happening why why why don't you have patients like an old man is going out of the car give them a chance what's what's the issue >> what's the trigger >> what's the trigger why are they triggered so quickly and that is all coming from the nerve system and they can be the smartest people and they can be entrepreneurs and they can be rais They can be, but the fact is they don't they're not regulated and and it's, you know, it comes from back from childhood or or from things that were never and they might not even know consciously >> because the subconscious and the nerve system besides the body itself, the entire body has a memory system which is called the fascia which it keeps memory. It's not even here and it tells the brain what to think. It tells the brain when oh you should be fearful you should have anxiety maybe because you're not safe that is the connection between the body to the mind and obviously the soul we know it from from archa but we also know it the IFS works with the soul many different therapies and matter of fact this is what's brought down in Tanya brought down in different places where there's the eye there's the self and that self is that part of the soul and that part of the soul needs to live in this body but if this body is a casing for that soul and if this body has a dent in it that soul is not comfortable so therefore there's a conflict and therefore anxiety comes in and nothing is really >> you know it's it's not in alignment that that's what we call it >> so what you're saying is that if a person is not aware that the this is the body body sending messages he just uh goes around thinking I'm nervous I don't know why I'm nervous but I'm nervous >> and and the awareness part that the body and the mind works together that would help the person let's say in a case like you described he's nervous can he is it is it does he have an exercise like in the car to do a certain breathing that it's going to calm >> down what I what I usually I teach my clients and and and I give them homework and I it takes time till they really accept that I don't like to call it homework because I think I'm giving them I'm not giving you any homework but I'm giving them an exercise basically to ground theirelves first. So if they have a traumatic event, three deep breath >> will definitely first of all take out oxytocin and dopamine from your kidneys all the way up to your brain stem. It will calm you down. But if you feel simply don't use, you don't have to know everything. Just feel your feet on the ground. Simple, you know, just feel the ground beneath you. Move around your feet and just know I am supported by the ground. Or feel your seat planted in a chair. Notice your hands on the side rails. Notice the temperature on your fingers. Going into the sensations that is the sematic. >> That's why sematic is so important where it it's it it's coming in a lot now even into the mental health. So you know there was a debate for many years but slowly slowly it's coming in because they see that sematic is so important that sometimes meaning there's nothing nobody if somebody has trauma they're going into a fight flight or freeze mode >> right >> so when somebody is in a freeze mode how are you going to be working with him for example in IFS or even in CBT you're going to be going in you're going to go you're going to be threading water water because what's happening is his frontal cord cortex is closed. So he's working basically from a reptilian brain which is in the back which is a totally and I've experienced that with because I work in unison with with therapists that do IFS and regular in the mental health which when they experience a client they're working for months or even almost a year and doing an IFS type of thing and they say Mandy I'm not I'm not getting anywhere can you help me here >> like you were saying he's a nervous wreck he's not calm >> he's not calm >> he's not calm to it >> and he's already taking medication and he's taking clonopin and he's taking that but it's not because clinopin is a band-aid for the time being medication is a thing people always ask me is medication a great thing >> I'm asking is penicellin a great thing it's times when you need it you know depends and we need to go through only through a psychiatrist that not not even the local doctor to get that >> so when that when a when a therapist sends me a client and is telling me the situation and obviously we have obviously permission to communicate back and forth I helped the therapist and helped the client in order that his work should open up doors and that's really what happens after after I work with this client for 3 months or 6 months and we can do the sessions in the same week it penetrates it starts penetrating and that's when they saw wow there is there is something going on for years I was communicating with a lot of therapists in the beginning it took a long time because it's not in their curriculum and it's not in their thing But like I said, it's coming in. I would say maybe 50% in mental health already recognizing it. Other 50 still have to >> but it's coming in. You see, insurance companies don't pay for that yet. It's not in the it's not uh legally in the clinics according to the you know insurance that's why it's also on the side. But we seeing a lot of >> we we see data. We have data. >> Now this uh sematic therapy this is nonverbal. >> Sematic therapy is nonverbal. meaning to say I'm going to dance with the client where he is. We said dance in the moment. Where is the client? That's where I'm at. They want to talk, I'm I can talk. >> Right. >> If you I don't need to know the story. When people come to me, I don't I'm not interested in the story, but I see the symptoms and the symptoms tells me the story. >> So, exactly details. >> What happens is after a while the story comes out and they they open up or they break down or things happen. But the idea is sometimes they don't want to talk and sometimes unfortunately I have especially I don't familiar what Kips is you know I'm a good friend of Abby so >> I work with Kips and sometimes they don't want to talk there's nothing to talk I don't yeah who wants to you know no no no only safety only safety fill them up with safety fill them up with safety fill them up with safety >> eventually that's going to change >> so what is uh what's what's the procedure how does therapy feel like this look nonverbally. >> Okay. So, so, so I divide it between the breath work and the uh and the sematic work and the sematic work is also divided into into different u different categories. So in the breath work itself I breathe with the person a circular breathing which I do only through the mouth in the beginning. >> Mhm. >> When I feel ready or meaning when the client feels ready these times I will bring in nose breathing. There there is a reason for that. We don't bring in nose breathing right away because it goes to go straight up to the highest chakra. We don't need that. We need to strengthen the lower chakras first in order to be and that takes time. It's not something let's say if I would breathe with someone uh uh uh three weeks in a row every day you know that's and that that you know and if I feel if it's necessary now going through the mouth itself which is an inhale and an exhale the inhale is usually longer the exhale is shorter meaning to say we want to do inhale and I I tell the client count to three or to two in your in your so meaning that's called positivity inhale is a positive Because what you're doing is also you're drawing down energy from above and you're bringing it into you. It's new life into your form. The exhale is an you want that out. So that's first of all toxins of the body go out. So there's three levels in breath work. I mean and these are these are like you know the ones that are really trained in specialty breath work to know what really breath work is. >> Let let me cut in for a second. So what are we doing every day when I talk to you now? We're breathing. So you're doing you're doing an unconscious automatic breath >> which is which has no effect. >> It has the basic effect of just by letting you live but it doesn't give you the effect of um of going deeper to a different level. >> Okay, >> that's that's and I'll tell you even more when you go sometimes people think when you yawn >> what's happening is you're taking in a whole bunch of that now every hour person also makes a deep breath. It's unconscious about 11 times an hour. >> Yeah. So there's times when I tell a client, how about adding at if I can one or two an hour? I want you to be conscious. Those do people that work in in very high pressure type stressful places. I have a you know dealing a lot with financial companies that they have to give out reports and there's different teams and there's numbers and going on and this the stress level is very high. I tell him after every hour in the hour make yourself even on your phone make yourself something to remind you and take a deep breath. What happens is also you'll see that first of all you're disconnecting your mind for a second from whatever you're doing. And what's happening is basically you're doing a reset to your brain and you're doing a reset to all the we call a dose dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, endorphins which are the chemicals in the body which is psychiatrists have in the pill form but Hashem put it into our kid into our adrenals. We have them. So the work that I do is to increase that and I will never tell anybody to go off or go on medication but what I do is I sometimes tell them go back to the psychiatrist tell them to reevaluate after half a year to year let's see maybe we can change the dose >> and that's what I work you know very close with that in order to that happens a lot and sometimes people are misdiagnosed also because symptoms let's say for example symptoms from ADHD not is 50% is not ADHD it's just symptoms, but it's not really ADHD because the nerve systems can also mimic certain things. Just like a panic attack can mimic a heart attack, it's not a heart attack, which I deal a lot with that. But >> people can sometimes think that something is very >> Yeah. Something's very wrong and they call the ambulance and they have to go in and then they're saying they're checked out. Nothing is wrong. >> It's all a panic attack. >> It's only a panic attack. >> Only a panic attack because the nerve system is going sending up a message to your brain. You're not safe and the brain saying, "Okay, you're in danger now." But he's he's so I can deal with that with a person once I have a client over the phone cuz I already know his nerve system and I know how to ground them. So at that time I might tell them take one or two deep breath but I would tell them to ground feel your feet on the ground feel your seat or imagine that you're sitting in a place that nature quiet where do you remember a time when you were someplace on vacation that you felt in your body something? The idea is people are disconnecting from their body. So what's happening is the reptilian brain is coming in to tell you that's the amygdala which is like the emergency brain telling there's a danger but if they connect to the body the body says oh I'm in so I'm feeling my back on the chair and I'm noticing basically regular breath no special breathing notice each breath does something for you there's there's so much in the breath >> but when I do the deep breathing with a client >> so it's the three in one of breathing through the mouth what's happening is after 20 30 minutes the client and it's it also depends if it's the first time that he comes the second time each time it's going to take him up to a different level. My goal is the first time he should have a physical experience the and when we do the physical experience what happens is toxins of the body get cleaned out. Emotions usually gets talked to the body. The next is the emotional experience and then comes the spiritual which is the subconscious mind. No, the person could start tingling in his fingers and his hands. The person can get numb in the body. They get scared. I tell them beforehand and I tell I will make you safe. You I make sure they're safe. Now there's times where they go into a trance. >> Yeah. What is that? I mean >> the trance is what happens is so what happens is usually the brain works like this like you know like the old clocks used to work and that's the way the brain works. So this is when you're in a conscious mode and that's the way it works. What I'm doing is with a lot of oxygen, what's happening is this is coming out. >> So what's happening is you're totally disconnected and you're going into a very blissful state and you're going to a place where it's extremely peace. You have no nothing is really bothering you and you basically you can be disconnected for a you know a nice couple of minutes. When the person comes back usually they will some most of them will get very very scared but and they can have a extremely panic attack and that's where you need to know what switch to do into switch them back and that's my expertise >> but in order some people I don't allow them to go into a trans because they're not ready yet and that's where you need to have this so it's I don't have words with but it's I see the body I feel the body I pick up information how deep the person can go >> and sometimes people go into the trends or they go into certain places and they start talking or certain things or screaming. I see they're totally in a different space. I will bring them back if I don't like what I'm seeing because it's something that you can't go that far. You need to >> it to a psychedelic type of >> so I have clients that went to psychedelics >> and >> they experienced the breath work and they told me I got them to a deeper place. So in psychedelic the the good thing is here you're basically all in control unless once you're in the trance but it's only going to take 5 minutes to trance. >> You can stay stuck in the trance. >> You no you don't get stuck on the trance. No, there is there is and it's very rare that in breath work sometimes you could and if you don't that's what I'm usually careful and this is what they trained us in school and I know cases that happened but it didn't happen but I mean ever that cognitively the person wasn't there cognitively for 24 hours because and that's exactly what I'm watching in order to make sure what how much can this person take how much can you take and it doesn't have to be all in this in the first breath work let it be in the second one let it be in the third on >> like after how many breaths can you go into a trance? >> Oh, usually it can happen after 35 to 45 minutes and some people after an hour. >> Mhm. >> And but it's not my goal to get them into there. It's a matter of I see the body is ready in some people want to do it in the beginning. I won't allow it because that is called a checking out. I don't want them to check out. I want them to >> positive is it? >> It has a positivity towards the end. healing the primary >> is healing the it's healing the subconscious. >> Mhm. >> Because in the subconscious there is things that are stuck that we know and we don't know. There's things that we don't even know that it's even there. >> Correct. >> So we're trying to unbuckle things that are there and what happens is that trickles down later into the body. The subconscious constantly sends us messages even when you're busy with something else >> because it's such a huge file file cabinet because the conscious mind is just has that amount. the subconscious and then there's things that are ingrained in you that you it's a perception that you picked up as child perception that you picked up and you don't even know that that is what's bothering you and once there's an intention in this breath work I want to and that will also heal that will it's it will straighten itself out accordingly >> and that is this is the thing that we see after the breath working what happens and how they feel but it definitely has a feeling of a psychedelic effect. And it does actually very very powerful in could be the same or more sometimes than than a psychedelic effect because you're really working with the entire body cuz it's not all your cells in the body from head to toe are getting activated and your cells need oxygen and then what happens is that's why your hands can get tingly or numb because it's expanding. So it and it also takes time till it gets back. Also it could be a huge buildup of energy in the body. It could be a a buildup of energy. I release it for them. I tell them how to do that. They have to be vulnerable in order to do that. But >> it's sometimes it's anger. Sometimes it's going to be screaming. Sometimes going to be humming. This is where the expertise comes in to say what does this body need right now >> in order to help him to regulate his nerve system. Sometimes it's going to be pushing hands. sometimes going to be pushing feet. Sometimes it's going to be just let it go. I'm gonna coach him into a uh match of we call a toning and we just make an a sound from a vibrational sound >> and it goes up up up until I I can stop and that person is going to go because it's in a system >> and when he's in that state is it's great that meaning >> if some people hold back that is a problem. They're holding back their own healing. They're fighting it. So you have to surrender before they start with you. >> So sometimes I have to talk to them several sessions to explain to them. I saw like after 10 15 minutes it's not going anywhere >> right >> in order to say listen you're stuck for so many years you know again it's it's your choice and if you want something because I always ask them before they come what is it that you want out of this? Why are you calling me? And that is what I I'm focusing on to that particular thing. So these are only in the private sessions >> cuz I also do the group sessions. The group sessions is or it's maintenance for clients at work or it's people that I'm introducing to come for private cuz you can't focus in a zoom lens when you have a full group and I tell it to them outright before >> and there I'm also very careful how far I can go with them. I go even lower because if I have to take control of 15 20 people, >> I am not going to allow somebody being in a very deep trance >> or sometimes I had one somebody going into a space and he was angry. Why did you stop me? He says I'm sorry I don't allow this in group. You can do this in private but it's not safe. Not for you and not for anybody. I have to be with you the whole time. >> It's they don't understand because there is >> I get phone calls sometimes you know a wife calls me up. My husband was yesterday at breath work and I don't know he's not himself. So my job is I don't let anybody out of my office till I know they're safe. >> Right? >> So there's maybe twice that I held back a person three times or I left them for a longer time cuz I felt they were not safe. And there was a time a time somebody even I took away his car keys and I says let me call your wife and she's going to pick you up because I felt he is not safe then but afterwards you know you just have to make sure what what's going on you know I give them also certain regulations don't you know eat a full meal before that >> full stomach doesn't you know doesn't doesn't help >> but how did you create a safe space for a group of because they're coming together and here they need to surrender And they how do how do they feel comfortable that this is going to be uh private and discreet and uh so from my part meaning I have that also in private in private you know sessions in general I'm also trained in in in mental health even though I don't have a licensing but my wife has a license and I'm I have all the training >> right >> and uh confidentiality is made by me number one on on on the thing and I tell everybody like if Mushi knocks on ask me what did he say he's going to have to go ask him himself I mean I don't want to get involved with Shabbunu from these days but I'm going back to my I won't do that >> right >> and um unless person gives permission so this is in private session but in group session I always tell whatever happens in this room but usually everybody's in they are especially in our community they are afraid sometimes >> and I tell them whatever stays in the room happens in the room stays in the room >> right >> but and for my part nothing goes to anywhere cuz you know when I go to shul I don't talk to anyone Anyways, I'm just that's that's exactly I keep I keep very strong boundaries in general very careful about that. But as far as when people most of the time everybody that comes in the group, everybody's in their process, they forget even who's in the room, >> right? Everybody for the same uh >> in the beginning they might be nervous when they finish the session. They say, "You know what? Interesting. We're all human beings. We all have some kind of luggage to unload and it's it's only human. >> So how do you how do you uh explain surrender so you can do your work. So let's say if someone is has pent up anger he's a nervous wreck and the people around him or he himself decides you know what let me check this out. You know what it's natural this is something uh a gift from the bunch let me check it out. But the surrender part if you you can't. >> So what I do is I I so there's a few different things. So I work also a lot with in in when I'm in my work on my zone I I do myself go into a certain zone and I pick up messages especially be next to each person when I go I ask my intuition what is it that I need and again it's communicating with the creator obviously to to tell this person and this is intuition until I learned this technique um it took a long time because I was in class for this and when I was in class my teacher told me man you have a lot of intuition and I looked her in the face I says huh what and she told us a very important point you know how do you know just because you know so there is something coming down so there was times I was afraid to say certain things to people because >> where like who am I to say what am I to say >> when I was more freely a open to say things and certain people say you hit it on to the button then I saw that yeah there is something to it that you need to bring that out. So when I see somebody in the group it's if it's in group I try to give those words to this particular client I'm also giving them a lot of love and a lot of because I what I do is also I feel with the client >> right >> so my heart is there so and in the person can be 20 30 40 50 years old doesn't matter to me I'm seeing a baby on the floor >> I'm seeing a child I can read the story and and and it's in the programming and that's why a lot of compassion opens up to that person and they feel it and they sense it. So most of the time you're going to have maybe one or two times people, you know, it's going to take them a long time or they're still stubborn and they don't trust and they need work. It's it's sad. It's very sad. It's sad for me even to watch it. But um most of the time there's going to be a move again. Everybody's going to move on a different level. But it's it's it's, you know, it's a start. You know, it's a start. But I tell everyone it's a start and if it's private sessions or it's in the group sessions, it's a journey. It's not just you're going to a breath work and you're walking out and you need to have integration after that. And that is why I'm working privately with clients after that to integrate what happened in the story, right? >> What happened in the story, you know, that's that's and and what does it mean? And then I teach them afterwards, I want you to feel your emotions. And in general, you know, men have a harder time to feel emotions till, you know, cuz it's much we can't >> and I think in our community, it's even double the amount. And it's for a good reason. The way our upbringing comes, but it comes to a point and especially when you get married, it's very important, which >> I work a lot with witham and newlyweds in this particular show. Sometimes I have teachers send them to me in order because they see already there's a problem in in the situation order to feel first of all what do you feel in the body and then you know and then if they want to know you know something they're always going to have the question to this I say listen in the toy I see sematic work I see breath work I see emotions and I'm and I I can show them I can show them says if you want to know the toy we'll make a separate on that right >> but u we do see in swurum especially that breath connecting like I remember learning with you we learn in the beginning of >> and talks about and this is already a this is going back before of what's godless and he keeps on talking all one of the thing was which is the the sense of of touch >> right >> I told do you know what he said now he's he's not just talking something it's something that he knows but he's not going to explain it to you they knew all of this because there's so much wisdom to it. >> Even in the breath work there's certain touch that I do in order because I know where there is stored information. >> So that's what I was going to ask you. It's called transformational touch. >> No, no. So transformational touch is something else and my breath work is called transformational breath work and my touch is called transformational touch. >> So >> it's two different. >> So so in the middle of breath work when you do your exercises you have a certain touch that that's part of the >> it's part of the breath work. part of the exercise >> like which body parts is. So it will start first of all obviously there's a long line across the chest where there's exactly in the rib cages itself there's a lot of things connected to love to reception of that here there's a lot of anger one is towards others this is towards yourself and judgment towards yourself >> and it goes according to the ages these ages go the always the closer to your heart is to the more current where you're at um in general the right side is expressing and this is rece receiving. The left is receiving, the right is expression. So in here there's a point on both sides of compassion. One is compassion for others, the other one is compassion for yourself. You need compassion for yourself. And how many people don't even know that you need compassion for yourself. So if you don't have for yourself, you can't have for others. You don't even know what that is. >> Then a huge line which is called which is right underneath the rib cages. >> So there's there's you know we call it the uh it's called the fair belt. >> Mhm. And it has a lot of expressions of wisdom. Uh one is uh fair and you have their um and love which is underneath the inside you got to know the hole and when I touch when I do that so sometimes the person is going to jump back and if I would do it to him before breath work or after breath work he's not going to jump back >> there is something that means there's an emotion stuck there >> and he jumps back and I he doesn't so I tell him well first of all always you know raise your finger if you want me to top but I won't make you uncomfortable and I try and breathe it through breathe this through bring in the breath and I drive the breath into that particular place what happens is they're going to see huge change after a few weeks that and it's going to change and like if they're going to come back for three breath work after that it won't be there anymore as much or on that particular spot so that's that I work with the jaws >> it depends you have to know when to do that this and this is the bridge between the heart and the mind a ton of emotions get stuck. People have um you know stuck jaws sometimes and but it's because there's a lot of emotions inside and there's certain places where I compress and the anger will come up >> and and when I feel the person has it, let him let him let him give it out. I tell them just let it come out. Just let it don't hold it back. >> Yeah. He's going to scream. >> Let it come out because and sometimes it's anger >> they might have towards very close relatives that don't even know. And I tell them here we're not judging none of parents. None of it. It's a matter of it's about your healing now. >> And your parents doesn't even know about it. And they have no intention. But it's your healing. >> And so because most of the people are coming in. >> No, no, I'm going they're protecting their parents. I'm also going to protect your parents. But your parents is not the client now. >> You are the client. So if this and this happened or this and this was said or you felt something, it's about you now. and we only here and then we'll talk we'll give them compassion and love that's not so that's why we techniques of you know talk has to come in sometimes you know where just to to say these words but there is times when people you know has just started don't talk anything they don't want to say the story but I can I can notice from from the breath I can sense I see people that I have that had thoughts of suicides or they wanted end of life I can see >> even if they didn't say anything >> if they see anything yeah >> wow >> and sometimes sometimes it could be also from uterone There are certain things that if there was a difficult birth, we can see that in the breath. We can pick that up. Sometimes people will do difficult breathing and oh I can tell them right away life is terrible. >> Yes. Great. So we bring in a lot of compassion and I will press certain techniques on the chest on the diaphragm in order that he should breathe in the correct way. Also what's important is that the chest and belly to go together. If you see them going this way I know there's chaos in the body. Mhm. >> And when there's chaos in the body, what happens is it sends a message to your brain stem. >> So you see that when they inhale, >> I see that in the in the in general of breath. There's no the breath is going this this and that way. If it's not going this way and with the flow or sometimes they will go and I want them to do a flow, which is a chain breathing doesn't have to be fast, but it has to be connected. If there's a disconnect or sometimes they go, they stay up, they don't come down. There is a cut somewhere that cut needs to be fixed. >> What is sometimes when a person gets excited I mean either nervous uh you know they they it's they have a fear and then the they have like a shortness of breath shortness of breath. >> Yeah. What is that? >> So first of all that is from an irregulated nerve system. First of all panic or anxiety is coming in. >> So if if it's coming in they have fear is because a old fear is waking up and a new fear is coming. So their amydala is telling them you need to be fearful. So what I do is that's where I do my second which we're going to be talking soon in my sematic work in order to build that regulation in the body they should feel safe >> because that's a very social anxiety and in intimacy is also because it's the same idea I am not comfortable with or sometimes it's also a symptom that they're not comfortable of with intimacy because of some sort of situation or something happened to them or they have misin information what that means and what intimacy is all about. So that's why um you know I do that's why I do you know I work a lot with >> with young people >> with young people in that particular thing in order to to to to notice that and then I I say and I what I do is I play out the scenario in the office and I replay the story >> let it be if it's intimacy I want to see what's happening and what are you afraid of and what are you feeling right now in your body and show it to me and sometimes when they disconnect it from the body it takes a longer time but then in the beginning say what says yes what color is it what shape can you show it to me sometimes they laugh in my face I think that no no no no let's do this again let's go slowly and I will till I will make sure they starting to notice I'm going to do techniques still they're starting to notice that the body is talking to us >> the body sometimes brings us messages even from the soul >> serious messages >> serious messages as the soul sometimes expresses itself through the body cuz it's, you know, it does not going to show up here. So, it's going to be through intuition. It's going to be through the body. It's going to be the body has a huge and it has a memory system because there's something also called a coupling effect for example and I see it a lot when Ingam was going to come to me and he was bullied in yeshiva in in Talmatora. So ask them, "Have you ever passed by that since?" No, no, I can't go there. I want you to go there. What's going to happen is he's going to have anxiety. He's totally not comfortable to walk to that street. What is that? That is called a coupling effect. The body is talking to you because it remembers what happened over there. It remembers what happened that situation. >> So what happened at that time? We we that's a sematic work that we need to do to uncouple that trauma >> and it's not here it's in the body itself. >> So the body that's true the body has wisdom. So by understanding the body, noticing the body even entrepreneurs or CEOs of companies or matter of fact I worked with a judge. >> Mhm. >> That was pro being promoted and he's a judge for many many years and he was being promoted from county judge to state judge. So obviously he was chosen to be state judge. So they have trust in him. However, there's a huge huge procedure that he be he gets interrogated. It's probably for months. They come check his house. They speak to the neighbors that's going through the state police and and then he has to go up to uh Albany. And in Albany, he gets there's a bunch of senators sitting there and this they check him out. They really this so he had a lot of panic and this is somebody sitting on the bench. >> Yeah. and he's and he was chosen. So we were working for a few months before how are you going to be sitting over there >> right >> and what are you noticing and and and and that's what we played out in the body itself in the thing and uh luckily he made it you know after he sent me a picture with his gown that that he graduated then he got it but that is something because and even entrepreneurs in companies the ones you know which encourage them to make meetings in general to know you know to get in touch with emotions from people people are not robots sitting in your company, >> right? >> They have families or they want to get married, whatever it is. >> Let's let's it's not just, you know, they have a life and it's important, you know, to have life coaching come in to check with them, but when you walk into that, make a meeting at each week and listen to them. So, how do you feel coming into that meeting, >> right? >> And if you are feeling grounded, they're going to pick up whatever you want to talk to them. If you don't feel grounded, even though they have no idea what sematic work is, it's a matter of the receptors are picking up when they somebody is grounded. I tell it to parents. Sometimes they come to me with a child or with a teenager and sometimes I hear how the mother or the father are talking to me. I can notice in how fast they're talking to me and I says, "No wonder, I'm not going to tell them, but no wonder this is happening." And I tell them, "You know what? We need to do a few sessions first of grounding exercise and then we can go into working with your child because and then you're going to be doing the grounding exercise at home all together. What happen is there's an energy base. >> You're giving over energy >> energy and that goes from heart to heart. So if you're going to be anxious my child is not this and my child how do you like I should only work with him doesn't work that way. >> What is the procedure of somatic? The grounding exercise is giving the person many different tools to understand what he feels in the body. Give an example. Somebody somebody calls me up. He has he has to d for the um but he can't and he's a he's a dian he's a very very you know and people know that he has but he so I told him a few weeks I want you to call me in the time when you walk to show and you're going to be on the phone and I want you to notice this was after trainings in the office. I want you to notice each step when you walk towards the shoe, you're getting closer, coming into the parking lot, when you're parking the car, when you're walking toward walking towards the door, you're holding. I want you to what are you feeling in your body? So, in the beginning, he started feeling pulpit. Okay, wait. Don't walk in yet. Take a deep breath. Feel the ground beneath you. Feel that the body is safe. Feel that. Feel your temperature. As long as you're not safe, you're not walking into the shoe. Then we walking into the shoe. If you're getting closer to the um how are you feeling? Are you grounded? Are you not grounded? Are you afraid of people around you? Then you have to wait. And then I also teach them certain techniques while they're standing to feel their feet even there by them underground. Noticing also that you need to do some deep breath while you're standing there. No, nothing else matters. It's you and your body. Don't disconnect from your body. I also give them certain tapping exercises even by the just do this. Nobody knows what you're doing. Just do this. That means you're waking up your body. You're here. Take a deep breath. Notice did you say the full word? Are you safe? I'm are you keep on checking if I'm safe in the body? And it obviously it's connected to the training from before. But it's important to know the same thing like you said before the intimacy or going to shul. It's what's happening in your body, >> right? >> They're going to feel butterflies in your stomach. You know that you're not safe. That means the the regula the regulation system of the nerve system has a numbering system. Zero is on the top, 10 is on the bottom. And regulation is between four and seven. And it the way it works is there's a parasympathetic and a sympathetic nerve system. So one nerve system goes up, the other nerve system pulls it down >> and he pulls it back up. But if he doesn't pull him down, he's going to go up. He's out of regulation. So both have to go together in unison in order to go. That's the way. That's the reg. And then unfortunately these people that are very irregulated say they go from zero to 10 and that's terrible and there's you know I've dealt I've dealt with clients but it takes time but I can regulate that meaning you know just again we have to pray before this and have a lot of admire >> but I've done very risky clients that that that in very dangerous situations to bring them back >> like uh from sober homes or you know were a danger to society and like it's the gives me the biggest uh >> love in my heart that this is what I could do you know for a soul and and to be back in society and and to do that >> it is unbelievable but do you find that it has anything to do with self-esteem also let's say if a person has a problem that he's broken now goes to shu and he panics or can't get up to d or whatever is does self-esteem come into the picture or this is strictly a disconnect iction of mind and body. >> So great question. Self-esteem, not getting up by domining. Sometimes it's self-esteem, sometimes it's depression, depending how long there's symptoms, how long it takes till this person doesn't wake up that comes from the nerve system before it hits the mind and his emotional system. And when I see that, I do my second technique. And I do that on a table. Mhm. >> We call it the table. It's like usual massage table that I keep the client on his back and that's where my transformational touch therapy comes in. >> What I'm doing is I'm building regulation with my hands in his nerve system. And in the beginning the the client is not going to know what I'm doing and like are you doing you know I don't know vu vu or something. I say let's be calm and you can say whatever you want and you can tell me when to stop. Obviously I asked him permission if you're safe for me to touch and if it's not I will be working with my intention. I will be touching his body surrounding his heart first then I go to his kidneys a certain amount of minutes how much the body can take we can we see that and it's usually we try to build it up to 5 minutes after many sessions sometimes they can't and then we go to his brain stem and then we go to his ankles this is a procedure that we do for a certain amount of weeks and also noticing each week I need to know what happened to him. I so they don't notice what they're telling me because I'm noticing their life. I like to know everything about what's happening. >> So I can see the changes what the person is safe to to not to and what the changes and all of a sudden after weeks I say you remember you told me that >> you couldn't go to weddings. You went to wedding last night and like oh yeah like all of a sudden how did that happen? How did that happen? and all of a sudden I'm waking up on time or time management. >> It's it's it's like what's happening is the nerve system is telling to the brain stem that's why I'm working with there's here is kidneys and adrenals. The adrenals keeps a lot of chemicals that sends it up to the brain stem. The brain stem sends through the messages through the spinal cord. It goes down to the ankles. The ankles is basically a huge key. Then we do certain moves that when I work with the ankles that we tell them to move it back and forth. I'm actually communicating with your right and left brain. So these are protocols that we do first to know the body is grounded and safe. And after that we have additional touch exercises that we do each week only one enhancement and depends what the person needs. Where is he at? There's something called fair paralysis. There's something which is you know called moral. these different reflexes and sometimes a lot of times these things are based because I try to get information about the person's birth how were you you know what was by time of delivery what was time of pregnancy how were you delivered how long were you in delivery was it natural was it ceserian >> um did mother have any incidents during pregnancy in the time during pregnancy was there any stressful moments and a lot of times these and the things that come out that means that is already ingrained in the baby and it could be 40 years old now but that baby is still there and needs to have safety. So that's where sometimes suicidal thought can come from there. Let's say it was a difficult birth it could create suicidal um thoughts because I didn't want to come to it wasn't it wasn't comfortable for me >> or it was an emergency cesarian it wasn't comfortable for me. >> So these things can unwire this way of thinking. Yeah, because we we we're so used to we think that our thoughts as us and you know I'm also a theory healer which the healers which strictly work in a different brain brain wave and there's much more to us than the basic which is here >> we see >> what we see and even what we think and what we think is not us cuz like what's going in you're finding your part but you're also finding who is my eye and this is what I want everyone to find find your high. >> So no matter whichever way we're going to be going through IFS, through breath work, through sematic work and even in my touch work, I am doing actually physical IFS with my hands. >> And that helps usually I was working actually with the client that was going between me and a therapist in IFS. In the beginning, he was frozen. Afterwards, we woke him up through that and the IFS was more in his body to know who is his eye. The eye is is is you know that's that is the work in order to know who the eye is, >> right? And how long is this a lifetime thing? Let's say breathing. Let's talk about breathing or somatic. Is this uh is this like you have a timeline? You're going to come into me. I'm going to give you a date. I'll be fine. Or you forever have to learn this. Very common question. And I tell first of all tell the clients, you know what, you're going to be deciding that. It's not my decision, right? >> As long as you feel you need it, I'm here for you. And what happens is in the beginning let's say I'm going to be working weekly in in extreme cases I would work twice a week only extreme cases >> weekly and after a while 6 to 9 months up to 12 months I will tell them you can come check in once in two weeks or once in four weeks it's up to you but and sometimes it depends all what's what is the story but I I always think about it let's say how often do you go to the dentist you need to go check you So you need to clean your gum. >> It's a maintenance. >> It's a maintenance. So there's a maintenance program and there's a therapy program. So it depends all all what is really needed. >> Can a person learn to do uh breathing on their own like one in his home? >> So for a certain amount if certain you know if the person is safe and is already has the tools to it and I usually tell them to have someone around you. So let's if you're going to do it for 10 minutes that's fine. 5 10 minutes >> most of the people would be fine. If you're going to do it longer >> so it depends on the person who I can. So see I do some people I do on Zoom again on Zoom it's it's I feel a lot more responsible. It's harder and sometimes I would tell them I want you to have someone in the background in case because I can bring them into very deep states and I >> you know it's actually harder on me to have someone on Zoom because I take a huge responsibility and that even though I tell them but you know sometimes I work with people out of state out of the country >> in order to do that but um >> it works the same way you feel like the zoom >> so I can I zoom I I wouldn't do that intense of a breath work but I can do enough but I do I do touch work on zoom through intention. Yeah. Unbelievable. >> Yeah. And and I >> I keep them safe. Yeah. It worked. I've done it already to different states and to different countries. >> You can move over energy over the internet. >> Yes. Yes. Because actually, you know, over the internet, forget about the internet. You can you can think about a person >> and that person >> and going to call you. And I have it so many times. >> Like >> like I have sometimes old clients. I send them like a check-in. This is thing that I do which a regular therapist wouldn't do even like after a year. >> I was thinking about you. I know. Says how do you know? Because I know >> I know you were thinking about me like you're kidding me. I know that's that's the truth. You know I have like always I send them a text and that's what usually happens. >> But it's it's it's uh yeah it's very very powerful. Our mind is is electrical. >> Wow. So when when I do a work with someone on Zoom, I I put in like because I'm not using my hands, I'm using a huge amount of energy and space in order to keep in order to keep that person safe. And >> it's unbelievable stuff. Now, um, as far as talk therapy goes, because you do life coaching also. Um, do you see what when is talk therapy important and when is uh, sematic? >> There's there's always going to be people that don't want to talk. There's people I only want to talk. But there's times I tell them we're going to talk a little bit >> and we're going to you need therapy as well. or they have a therapist uh um um you know which is doing with them psychonamics and different things which I'm a very big fan of of it's only going to increase the therapy what they're doing >> right >> you know it's it's only so and their session is going to be better so whatever model they're doing they're going to do 10 times the amount better in order to to to to know that >> when they do that now do you remember a client that you saw that came in broken And after the breathing and the somatic or whatever you did your healing type of thing or touch that you saw a tremendous tremendous breakthrough. So let me go to one of my most severe cases. I I I'll I'll go there because not everything has to be severe because the reason why I don't because sometimes these people which are basic you know entrepreneurs run big companies and they have huge stress or sometimes you know the buyer home is not good just because they're trigger they get triggered every minute and I've worked with >> people that are in very very high positions and and I help them and it's not a matter was I'm not ashamed that I myself will will do more work and more work and more work because it's you ask me I don't want to stop I'm always looking for different type of technique in order to go deeper >> because you know and I feel that is the aid shaman way in order to to be the right person what we need to do. >> So the most severe case that I had was someone that was addicted to many many different dangerous medications that wasn't meant for him >> and opiads and different things that he u narcotics that he was taking. >> He was already in a sober home and he was thrown out of there. because he was a danger to the others. >> So, uh he was picked up many times by police, put into handcuffs never unfortunately. Obviously, he couldn't leave anymore with his family either. and uh taken into psych warts which it hurts me when you take into a psych wart because there's a certain amount sometimes when you need to but when they come out from there I've dealt many times with clients coming out from a psych ward and it's not pleasant over there and it's not too much what they can do they just you know they holding you in a holding cell >> because there's a nerve system to deal with happens to be this person wasn't ready I got the call about this person to work with him and I tried talking to him. He wasn't ready and it took a few months till he was ready and when he came into me he was a he was a huge mess. The only good thing is that he stopped for four weeks taking whatever he was taking. There was a way way it was stopped which was also you know quite a miracle in a way but usually when they stop they're going to go back because they're looking for something right >> so that's that's addiction is not because they're not addicted really to the substance >> they are looking something they have such a strong souls and the soul is searching and want something >> and people don't understand and and they're going to be judging them that's what my heart breaks like why you judging who cares how he looks and how he goes dressed doesn't matter he or she doesn't matter you you know this I see a pure soul. My my image is I'm seeing a white soul. This is what I'm seeing here. We need to help that person. >> So that was when he came into me, he was totally all over the place. He wasn't able to do keep a job. He didn't even have to sleep. He was thrown out from everywhere. Everywhere. And the anxiety was at level 100 because whenever he heard just a siren which was the police or ata or anybody on the road it meant him because he was taken in many many times and he used to run away. He was afraid to go into the grocery. He was afraid he's going to be taken in with handcuffs. He didn't the the the these times made him double the amount of trauma. >> I work with him for nine months. What I do is also I'm a sponsor to the client in between sessions >> and this is why I give a lot of time. So I tell them you send me a WhatsApp message. I want you to and if you need me and the reason I tell them because if I'm an other client I will get back to you right away if you feel in danger if you're feeling they need to take something if you're feeling anxious I'm your support. I'm your lifeline. So I did that with him for nine months. The person has a job today. The person is in society. I got him a place to sleep with others which is very he's behaving. He's he's no more in danger. The person from the sober home couldn't believe what he saw. >> And he's like he does not like this is was huge. So this like was a very very severe case like and and like he's his calm and he's holding a job. I made him to go tuned with his body. >> He's tuned with his body. Not only that, he goes to the gym as many times once a week in the morning, wakes up early, go to the gym, >> is a mench. He's he's taking care of he's also eating healthy. They they didn't eat healthy. >> No. >> So So this was one of one of you know severe cases. >> I also had other other um you know people that were addicted to drugs and heavy drugs, heavy heavy drugs and to the point of danger where they didn't know anymore what the next step is. Basically, they were already in the emergency room being, you know, within with filled with things that they because they didn't eat for weeks. They were taking certain things that we don't have to eat or sleep. >> Yeah. >> And I saw that in their eyes usually. But through the work, what happened was they says, "Okay, Atkan, I need to stop that." And I gave them a different treatment. Not I I just recommended them where to go because I'm a very a good referral service also to what type of therapy where to go and how to go what your next step is and they're back in society like nothing ever you know it's it's they're back to and these are people that were in in looking at them you wouldn't even notice that something is wrong because they own businesses >> they have you know a nice financial thing the pain inside is huge. I was suffering inside in silence of things that happened to them when they were a child >> and even even what happened in the therapy came out. Other traumatic things that happened to them. This is where this work comes in. They were and I can't tell it to a client when they walks into the door. They noticed that all the traumas that they had that they can hold it and they learned something and they wouldn't have been who they are right now without it. And sometimes it's extreme. Sometimes I must say yes I have cases where it's above cognitive and at that time since I know I'm a believer and an all religious person I believe in past lives and I don't have an answer for that. I've I've had incest stories and it caused people huge huge anxiety and and and and intimacy issues and different issues. But once you regulate that nerve system, then they can understand, you know what, you're right. I also believe in the same God as you really. And I can't judge whatever happened. That's their avoid. My avoid what happened is for me, not to me. >> Right? So I know how to move on in life and to be able to hold it and yeah but these are the people that are doing work for a year's time and going through it and after that it's their choice they can check in they can so there's so much uh you know I studied what trauma does to the brain not only I study it and I also saw X-rays how an a brain looks like when it has trauma it's it's visible >> and then when people would see that I I think it would be a great idea when we have it we can hang it up on a sh and at that time >> display it so people >> display the brain >> this happened yeah so don't judge him how he acts or how he looks you don't know nothing and you know what in therapy you know I've talked to many therapists you never know about anybody when you hear something on the street you don't know about anybody about anything >> everybody has their journey >> right >> and that's where you know no judgment should be coming in >> unbelievable >> compassion >> yeah yeah can you describe how a disregulated nervous system looks. >> Okay, this dly different levels. >> Yeah. >> Um, so there's there's there's a this like first of all, somebody can is totally not in touch with his wife and children. He's totally checked out. He can make a lot of money, >> right? >> Drive the most beautiful car. He comes home. He goes on vacation. He can go on the He can spend $20,000. The most expensive. The wife says, "You were not here, >> right? >> You were not with me. You're not with the kids that he shut his feelings off. >> His feelings are shut totally >> completely >> completely. >> And on top of everything >> and on top of everything he doesn't he doesn't Yeah. And the only thing is what he does let's say when when they have a successful usually they're going to have a successful business because they have such a drive to make money because that's the only thing that's where the self-esteem comes in. That's the only thing that makes him as a person gives him an image. >> So so I am trying to explain to them let's say give me a number. What is the number that is going to satisfy you? and we go up to the numbers 20 billion like >> and nothing is going to change >> it's from within your system >> right >> and then I you know we go into like where is the compassion for your wife and kids >> and how do you want them to grow up you want them to you want to already arrange therapy for your children cuz they're going to need it >> because they're picking up information from the day that they were born even when they were in the womb already so where are you >> so you know are you taking give are you giving them time are you going on trips with them? Are you listening to them every night? >> Are you, you know, be there for them with your heart? Not, you know, scroll on the phone or your business is still, you know, clapping in your head. Stop. Come in and Yeah, you can't. No problem. Ground yourself before you come home. Take a drink before you also notice is it a physical, is it an emotional? Sometimes it's did you eat or drink or sleep enough this night? No, because I I got to go, I got to run. It's also part if they don't have enough sleep or the right foods. I ask every client when did you eat and what did you eat? It just a nash or did you ate you ate a breakfast or when did you eat breakfast which is important >> deeply disconnected with his body and with his mind >> he's a mess. >> He's a mess. So he's only working from basically from a reptilian brain an animal brain. He's not in touch with anything. >> So that's a irregulated system or and you can also see certain moves. Let's say I'll even ask them how was I asked them how was your doubting it's not that I >> yeah my head is all over the place I says okay so can you at least dab him for 5 minutes >> for 10 minutes >> can you at least let's do that so again it's also if he's not in touch with the body he can be in touch with his eye who's he what am I here all about >> you know you're not just here just to you know eat and drink and run and >> and it's okay to do all these things but you need you can do it with so much more pleasure and coming from a place which is spiritual. >> Yeah. >> In spirituality you're allowed to do all these things and Hashem wants you to do all the things but should have meaning. It should have even when you eat something ah this is this is gave me the gift let it be it's a good piece of meat lets you enjoy it. It's not you know >> you're going out to eat with your wife. Be there for her. >> Be present. >> Be there like no I'm scrolling. I'm looking like sometimes I can go to go out to eat and see like you're going out to wife like like where are you? >> Yeah. >> Isn't now the time it's part of intimacy you want to connect. So we're like it's not just you're checking off a you know a list. >> So this is this is a huge um >> a huge part. So as part of your work that you're doing you see we and we were grown up like this and we we recognize this and we see this. I mean how important is to bring in spirituality into your work into our own work and knowing that you're not alone. You see um people who are disconnected with their body and they're disconnected with their mind feel lonely and they're angry. you bring in the anger, the anxiety. I mean, I'm talking about somebody who's you know, but the fact is if you connect, if you have a certain connection, if you know who you are and you don't care what another person thinks of you, your image is not important. Uh pana comes from from Shama. If a person do you couple this into your work? >> I definitely do. It's always in the in in I always actually first of all before I start my work I have to grind myself. If I'm not regulated, I can't go out anymore. I can do >> I can and I I I also learn, you know, suram that are connected. Which sur are you looking? >> Let it be. Let it be. Wow. >> Uh and then finding so many different sur that are even bashmto that has so much that that so much depth in healing that that >> and obsessed rabbi is one of my rabbis that is a huge uh I'm into meditation a lot and all of that. Uh and he's into feelings in the body into feelings. So he has a whole that's that's a whole >> talks about food talks about he talks about breath. >> Yeah. He talks about uh he has he also talks to therapists itself also. >> He talks in vuv he talks about people that go out helping other people that you need to be authentic. >> Yeah. >> So my job is actually 24/7 cuz if I if I have a client coming into me telling me a certain story and if I'm not in if I'm not working on myself on that particular thing, how can I really sit with him? >> You can't help him. And authentic also is part of my all all that's where boundaries comes in also. We don't tell anybody anything. We don't judge anybody anything. And how many times do I have I get a text from a client you know I was with you a few times which I had already so many times >> and they didn't talk and I know the families and sometimes I I I usually don't sell that I know their families. Sometimes they know, sometimes they don't know. I wouldn't because I don't want to make them feel uncomfortable, >> right? >> Um because they're going to think judge I don't there's no >> Yeah. But when they later on they stopped coming. I check in with them how are you and thank you you know you did great work and if you want to recommend anybody you know my work and they would say you know I felt very emotional on the table. I was ashamed to tell it to you and it was he still didn't try it came only mamish a few sessions but I felt something and I don't know what to do with it and I still have anger towards my father and it comes up in session >> and I don't know if I want to come because I don't want to bring that up in session didn't tell it to me >> right >> and a text later tells it to me only because I checked in with him >> says wow you know that this is part of feel healing and you're going to have to be coming out of your comfort zone a little bit >> and if you're going to do more work eventually you're going to forgive your father. Your father didn't mean anything bad and whichever way he knows but it's it's something good for you and it's something that you know I can talk about it because I have my stories from my childhood. >> So and and by me the way I again I'm in touch with my feelings I know them. I experienced them and I did all that I need anger cried and I keep on doing things that I need to do but I totally can hold my my story and feel safe and that's where I put in and I sprinkle it with my spirituality that you know what it really doesn't mish it's something that is from a previous lifetime that we needed to do could be last time I was his father whatever I don't know what but there's something I don't know and I'm I'm not interested in knowing but I took care of the feeling >> you're humble enough to understand the fact that you don't understand everything and you surrender to >> to >> asking me about spirituality. However, then I have let's say I was working with someone that basically a kip not going but not going out of his home and totally disconnected from everything not putting on the film obviously and all of that which is very very painful. First of all, we need to train the parents how to deal with them actually you know actually sent them to to uh to the Shabbat which they have and and and also you know connecting with Avid it's a support but they need therapy that's a different story >> because now the child when the child was me >> he's angry at God I know that and he was angry at anybody so his his trust was breached many many times why did it happen to me and his tan is Right. >> Right. >> I don't have an answer for it. >> Right. >> So I don't I'm very careful. So I say when I bring into the session, so I start talking about I don't know who is your power. Is it the universe? Who who are you? And sometimes they're going to say whatever I don't I do. Sometimes say sometimes say yeah it's Hashem. I'm angry at him. Okay great. If you're angry at least I know I have already Hashem here in the picture. And if it's the universe I'm going to be working with the universe. I need to work. Teaches us that he he has a a touch in in the says in um what did he say? Umalali there is a hole within me, >> right? And when that hole is filled with all of this anger and this then is basically my my idol of of of because his emotions I mean I've learned just to connect with the emotion of the mel it's it's to know the story and the depth he was an extremely emotional person he has such a fulfilled life just to know just in the emotional part not talking about anything else king sadic old male that's all the emotions that he dealt with the vulnerability that he had that is that's why he's >> soali the is if the person has anger towards hashem >> I I I invite it just say it here in the room you can say whatever you want and if it needs to be things that and it's not even and I I have a d that I work with that understands mental health very few understand it it's very hard to find >> and he understands what addiction means and he understands he like what you could do when allowed to make a phone call on Shabas. These all different things that people wouldn't know, >> but it's a a matter of even when do you need to disconnect from parents? He showed it to me. There's times all of that. And >> therapists never tell anybody what to do. It's a matter of you know what is it? What's in your life? >> But in order to let it come out, let it come out. And you know they say a when we say we sing everybody sings the same song and the also sing they have a song they should dancing the question was why why are we singing the shami what's going on pink by shami we're singing why you know pink there no no you know what we sinned we were bad but at least we acknowledging there is a god and that's what we happy about >> this is the happiness You know this is this is actually there's a story that happened once with um the ALF Institute Kipper years ago. >> You know they took out >> this is the jail >> the jail. Yeah. They took out >> in in Florida in in the Kabat show a whole bunch of people from prison >> and everybody was dabbing. It was one prisoner that didn't dab him and and the person over there that was from the elephant went over to him and says listen we're up to Nila it's going to be closing soon during Kesh let's >> say something he says you want me to say something he went over he was screaming in anger and he was saying curse words and everything and and and then you know what he had a connection at least to Hashem because he gave it out and then he can you know when he gave it out then he can mish he says you know what that's what exactly said that's why we At least his he was angry at him. Okay, I guess. >> It's like the story of this woman who came back from the holocaust and she came to shul every week and she closed the sid. She's not ding. >> That means she has such a close relationship just upset now. >> But the relationship is there otherwise she wouldn't come be angry. >> Hashem wants us to feel the emotions. That's what I tell people. Oh, it happened to me. It happened to you. Rasha wants you to feel the pain, wants you to feel the anger, wants you to feel I always have the five core emotions that are about which is mad, sad, afraid, hurt and happy. If you don't have these, you can't even be happy. These are the core >> it's part of life. >> Part of life it's and underneath there's shame it comes you know but it's definitely uh it's important and it's without emotions. I ask people exactly say What does that mean? How do you love God? >> Do you feel anything? So, you need to work up to that. That's an emotional feeling. >> And and you're meant to do that. And obviously, if you meant to do that, it's possible to do it. And even it's not a tangible thing that you can have, but it's because you have a piece of God in you. >> Yeah. >> At lesselves, >> right? >> And then we can love Hashem and we can love others. >> And that's the soul part for mind, body, and soul. >> Mind, body, and soul. >> There's no other way. There's there's no light by the end of the tunnel if you you just want to do it like uh you know you want to heal you. >> You know Balatanya has a word on this. It says if there's a it says if there's a say Allah a hole in the gift there's a hole in the and it's so true. >> Yeah. >> Because and that's what it meant. See these sikim in in in rhymes they were able to they knew the whole thing they just said it but it's >> right and people a lot of times think that it's only in the mind. Let me ask you a funny question. People say a person never changes. There's no such. Nobody changes. My question to you is are people changing? I also used to say it. I know what that is. I I said it, but when I said it, it was basically from anger, >> right, >> that I had. I I was my anger. People I was I used to say my wife used to make fun of me all the time. I was born that way and I will die that Correct. >> And the fact is that the journey is >> you know what says >> there's no destination. >> The destination is the journey. >> Right. >> So what I hear you saying is that if there is a root >> if there is a person who is open enough opens up his mind enough to get in touch with his mind with his body with his soul start feeling >> then there is hope. Then a person like that can change. The problem is with the people who don't have a root and they're in a good you see they're not in a good place. They're such a dark place that they're comfortable in that dark place. So with a person who doesn't have a root but we need the roots, >> right? >> If a guy is sitting over there and he's in his own misery and that's where he is and he's a tyrant and he's shut his feelings off like we spoke before. How does how do you build the roots with this guy? So we say I know I've heard roots and it always wakes up wakes up something in me because I have clients that are addicts and everything. So by an addict is a huge sha if they have roots or not if it gets to a very deep level but they let it happen to fall to that level. However, what I've spoken and I discussed it with, you know, in the in with Dunam and and spiritual people the way and I learned it together is if they go for therapy even though they have it that means they are already not in the same level so they are fighting it in order to have the roots which is okay >> right >> but Ren let's put it this way I I'm you know I work with I'm working with a teen And I asked him, "What is your passion?" He's struggling. What's your passion? Tell me. Is it basketball? Is it fishing? Is it Tell me what even are you smoking? What is it? >> Couldn't get to anything. That is from the nerve system. He's totally irregulated. And he was bullied as a child. He's totally shut down. >> So my goal is now to work up a passion first. I don't know even to a piece of good piece of food, >> whatever. >> Whatever. At first notice that he's so disconnected >> because Ren actually comes from a very high place which is from Queser >> right >> and and it comes from a very high place that Hashem gives you. It's a gift. So if you want somebody has a passion I want to open up a business that is Hashem gave it to you and you could go after that and roots and let's say even any type of desire a desire is is a gift from Hashem >> right >> you could ruin the desire if you're making a left turn but if you're doing the right turn that's exactly what Hashem and that's why you know used to say especially it's called midas what's called didn't say fix your midas they said bring up your midas >> why Because you have a desire. Desire is from Hashem. What are you doing with that desire? Are you going to do things that are inappropriate or you going to do things that are appropriate? >> What are you going to >> What do you Yeah, that's it. What are you going to be choosing? Cuz every desire is is godly, >> right? Because it comes >> even when you eat something, there's also it's godly into that food. Pay attention to it, know it, see it, feel it, notice it, connect with it. You know, there's a lot of love in the piece that oh, there's so that's where spirituality comes in. It's it's and I'll tell you I mean I have a lot of teachers that I trained with >> and uh then there's also like known people that you know let's say if you remember Wayne Dyer and there's there's all of these were spiritual goyan >> of course >> they were totally connected to Hashem to one God >> and my teachers that I trained with most of all of them are are very spiritual people >> and believers and it's not even >> strictly there's God God is God is intercession they always made sure God is in the session >> entire 12step program is >> 12step program. >> Yeah, the whole thing is a spiritual. Yeah, that's a whole >> you were mentioning before um I guess you talk to a lot of clients and uh whatever healing you're trying to do with them is a lot of you know mentioning parents, toxic parents and everybody because the problem really is from childhood. Everything is rooted in childhood. It's the first 20 years of your life and then you have to undo from the 20 >> you have to do the work. That's our >> Yeah, that's the that's the journey >> and it takes time to notice that that's >> of course now here comes in the big picture toxic parents and and we are such you know we're trying to do the best and we don't want to get away from it and and we're so you know we believe that this is it is what it is and there are stories in the gamura that even uh a mother who used to hit her child. Kibov is is is so important in our lives because everything in the toy is important in our lives. But as a professional, as a coach, as a healer and hearing, talking to people, if it's toxic to the point that it is not healthy for you, it like you said that you said before you are healing now. forget about I I mean I don't want to say forget about it but where's where is that you mentioned I'm a healer I'm a therapist I coach and all of that and I'll add one more thing I'm a person that went through this >> wow >> and I not only that I went through this that I was always that's why I told you before it depends in the yunum who understand mental health and who don't okay >> in my younger years there used to be raunam used to tell me certain things that I need to do and we're talking about a huge toxic relationship >> that that that you know this is a my personal story from even before I was born >> you understand what I'm saying because I really never knew my father I know who he is today but it's not that he we had a relationship >> and it wasn't it wasn't a healthy relationship and it still isn't >> right >> but I was always told you need to do kibeta I I heard that song very much and it can get you very angry. >> Very. And a lot of times the kids use it as the card the >> a lot of times when children and teens and even after you know adults are told that they're going to they can drop the whole Yiddish guide because of it. >> Very dangerous. >> Very very dangerous. So you're talking to someone that knows what this is. And from I'm older today. I've experienced an abnode and ablund. However, I have and I was in a meeting with therapist and a particular roof actually because I never found that knows so good menas and him but I because I also go to a lot of meetings and therapist like they bring sometimes you know from the there's some good ones that I know and from out of the country there is but it's it's hard to to you know to whoever understands it because there's so much >> and this question came up there. What do we do? >> Yeah. >> And it's also, you know, I don't have to tell you always there's somebody an uneducated writer that's going to write in a magazine therapy. You're not allowed to do this. And hey, they they disconnect you from parents. They disconnect you from this. They don't they if somebody knows what you learn in college and mental health, >> we don't tell anybody what to do, >> right? >> And and that's that's not part of the curriculum. As a matter of fact, we we just coach the person to that particular what do you want to do? What do you want? This is his own if I will decide for him. But yeah, this is not going to work. It then you're wasting your money and >> money and time. >> So it came up and he showed me an address in condition if I remember correctly. I think it depends which print and it says there's a gab there. says, "If a parent is toxic to you, then it's time to it's okay to let him go because yes, meaning to say obviously the things of hitting and cursing that's not allowed." >> No, you could move out of town. You could move to a different different neighborhood. Yeah. You move to a different space and and and you don't have to call him like you have to call him every No, no, no, no. He's toxic. And again it's it's it's something that you know and and I know clients and myself that I've tried and I say it doesn't work and I saw it's toxic. Someone says you know what this is the way it's supposed to meant this is part till I figure out that this is my journey >> right >> and and and and to notice yeah because and then they try to sell you with spirituality you know because of this you don't have this because of this you don't have that because of this this have there's no because of nothing because hashm doesn't work this way you know this is >> this is unfortunately a misguided uh >> way of of uh you know teaching our children which is which is wrong but if it's toxic you Again it's it in a such a case it comes in the roof and it comes in the it comes in the therapist and and and we discussed but again and then also depends also even we're talking about after the person is married you know still yeah same idea and what I tell them you know to do is >> pray for your parent >> pray for him send them love from your heart it doesn't wish him the best and and let him heal whatever if you know but I'm not >> because it's it's what you're describing now is that if that person would have no boundaries and they would let themselves be abused. The entire nervous system is going to be messed up. The body and the mind and there's no you just got you're throwing everything out >> and they're messing up a whole new dar >> a new generation. >> No generation. It's absolutely it's very refreshing to hear because people are very confused when it comes to these things comes to kipper all these times and in the meantime it's it's so sad but the truth is that these parents can be so toxic to a child or to to a son or to a daughter because for whatever their reason is they they shut off their feelings or whatever the case is but it's it's it's where does it stop? Where does it stop? So we we you know we call this and it's it's brought down in books and in therapy we know there's something which is called a spiritual bypass and and there's no spiritual bypass. Don't don't there's certain things that is wrong and you know they put something into us. No this is no it's not it's okay. You need to be you need to be healthy on your own. If if somebody else is is is disrupting you just let it go right you know. And you think also when it comes to Shan Bayas, let's say there's a couple who thinks that he's on a different level than his spouse or all kinds of problems that Shan Bay have. Do you feel that the breathing and the sematic uh therapy and all this stuff can help in that avenue too? I definitely helped couples and sometimes I brought the couple down and to sit in front of me and I was just doing a semantic exercise with them and both of them started crying and both of them because they were not in touch with their bodies they were not in touch with their feelings and both of them had childhood trauma >> and then they saw you know what yeah you know there's this basically I want to make them feel their eye their self and then they say you know what do you have compassion for him do you have compassion for her and these children like yeah that's that's that's you know that's um that's definitely an important sometimes we can do a breath work together and sometimes we're going to do just a ground network together which works also. >> Yes, it can work or it's important or sometimes she's going to go to her therapist and to her person but sometimes you just do something by the table cuz I want them to be together and this is a communication. So I've done that and definitely helped a tremendous amount. >> So what is your message to a person who struggling right now and he's listening to this and he was never introduced to to breath work and stuff like that. What is your message to this person? The message is in general. First of all, I want everybody to stop take take initiative on yourself on your own. Stop stop going to ask everything that I need to ask. I need to do I need to look I need to check inside. Like people will always call me up >> that the therapy that I do is to say exactly what are you like when you go with your wife to the doctor or what look what exactly what are you asking me? You want to know if I'm to you want to know if the method is to you want to know if I'm exactly what do you what what is the message like it's it's basically I know where they're coming from but it's it's something there's a tape which is put in like in and it keeps on playing and they don't know that the you learned when you were 5 years old is not the same even though it's touches different when you're 25 it's not the same meaning it's a different meaning to pay attention to what's really going on take initiative of are you is your are you feeling good with yourself. Yes, you have. You do have I and you heard about therapy. I'm ashamed. Shamed of what? I know there's something like shame. Shame. Okay. So, let's let's And unfortunately, sometimes people are going to tell me this said something. Not this said something and and I heard something. There's a phone line that I can call in and my wife is BPD because I heard this. Is he a licensed therapist that he can diagnose? No. So, exactly what? and I can send you to a D that understands mental health and he'll tell you that this is not acceptable. You you're ruining yourself and entire family. Be honest with yourself. Did it help you? Didn't it help you? Or I'll even tell you something more which I which I know there is there is other healers out there that let's say eiologist kinesiologist has their job which is a great thing to be a kinesiologist >> or different things like that or energy healer. And if somebody's going to have OCD or bipolar, they're going to give them a therapy what to do. And I know of a story like that that came in and they were going to a healer and then came into a therapist and the client was angry at the therapist. Why didn't you give me this what what the healer gave me? He said I should be happy all the time when I go to my friend's house. I should tell it to you. First of all, we don't we don't tell you what to do. That's number one. Number two is did it help you? >> No. Oh, so what should I? But this is not the point. The point is healers should not go out of their boundaries. They should know what belongs to them and what does not belong to them. This is ex extremely what I'm muric mockpit and very very on top. >> Mhm. >> What belongs to me, what belongs to this type of therapist or that type of therapist and this psychiatrist or that psychiatrist or needs whatever it needs and we could work together. But it's the idea is I don't I don't know everything. I don't but I know what I can give and what I I can hold and you need an addition you know sometimes you need a supplement sometimes you need a vitamin sometime need a medication >> right >> people should be honest to themselves check in yourself ground yourself close your eyes go in >> what are you noticing am I happy with my waking up in the morning how are you feeling how are you going about your day you're going to coiler you going to your job are you happy with it or not >> right >> why are you going to a place where you're not happy that's the first thing don't tell Tell me about how much your salary that doesn't matter right now. Are you happy? >> Do you have satisfaction? >> Are you living? >> Are you living that particular place? I go I I I speak to people that are in jobs and and and I ask them, do you or even running companies going to the hire? I do you enjoy what you're doing and do you recognize that realize that you're responsible for all these people sitting in this cubicle over here in all what you're doing? It's not only because you're giving them something. It's a matter of the good morning, the good night, the feelings. There's like >> there's a lot to learn in a because I coach sometimes in companies in order to adjust communication skills and and in order and sometimes we're going to make a breath work in a company because it's going to wake up everybody all of a sudden. Wow, they didn't know everybody has emotions in this room, right? You know why? Why are you angry? Why is the boy everybody has everybody has a life and nobody knows what's behind you know what's happening. >> It's a matter of Yes. So >> integrity, >> right? Once you have integrity to yourself cuz you can't fool anyone if only yourself. So once you notice yeah you know what I'm noticing this or some people will go for therapy a certain amount of time but what do you mean >> it doesn't there's no quick fix in anything there's no quick fix any type of method is but it's a journey and that is the healing and what's going to happen is after 12 months you're going to see a difference >> and some people going to go after two years and it doesn't have to be this therapy can be something else and you can >> whatever works for you be aware of of >> even the therapist is like a if it doesn't resonate with you the first minute go to the Next one. >> Of course, >> go to the next one. >> It's unavoided to find. Wow. I can only say wow. Uh you took us on a journey that healing is not only words. You teached us that it could be uh healing can also come from from from inside from the heart to be present and to be aware and not to shut off our feelings. How dangerous it is to shut off our feelings. that shall help you that you should be the you should be a guide to heal. >> Amen. Amen. It's my it's my passion to do that and you should continue bringing awareness that uh >> the struggle nobody stays in the struggle you know we can come out of the struggle. There's a light in the end of the tunnel. So maybe you should just write the struggle there's a light in the end. >> Thank you. Thank you so much for coming. Excellent.