The Struggle Podcast Ep 1- Rabbi Simon Jacobson

I was struggling with myish I don't think there's anyone that doesn't struggle with that to some extent yeah like this guy tells me he says yeah the was very important but this guy with a Lou molested me with his L I'll say this know you're not alone I counsel many young people you know today A lot of people are struggling with dating yeah I always ask them what are your priorities what's most important to you right and most say the wrong things I know people whose wives gave them an ultimatum when does a person know that enough is enough [Music] okay we have here a special special guest all the way from Crown Heights correct yeah from the stle from the stle Crown Heights Rabbi Simmon Jacobson yes you authored a book uh called towards a meaningful life yes which is a exceptional exceptional book and this is a book that is based on the re on based on his teachings or is it um yeah oh well first of all the rebish teachings is T so it's based on T based on T you know people as we know um I worked for many years I was what's called in the in the lingo and which meant when the spoke on shabas and and no notes could be taken and no recordings so he had to put your mind oral scribes we like walking taper cour W it's amazing so we had to remember sometimes five six hours we're talking about hundreds of pages how many how how many years ago was that I did it from 1977 till 1992 when the rebba had a stroke and um and then he stopped speaking and but the second half was man was someone who then wrote it down wrote it down mhm which was equally difficult you know re it annotate it and publish it I'm responsible for most of the Reb's talks from those years essentially 1977 wow and on I I was the main writer that's amazing and then you guys had to go into the rebba to approve it because he had to look at the writings well it was all done in writing it was all done we would submit many of these talks for editing some he edited some he didn't right but but literally almost on a daily basis we had queries and questions and he would say I have thousands of pages of his hand handwritten manuscripts which I locked in save deposit boxes just for the record because as you may know the concept of so I wrote a book to a meaningful life and miraculously it got a big deal with a big publisher a secular publisher William Morrow MH and uh they published it and it was a big success by now it sold probably over a million copies 14 languages trans translated amazing stuff amazing so that was like to me was always my dream was to make these teachings available to the larger public yeah not just to or those that know the language everybody to look to it also has a deep psychological blueprint for life yeah like T itself you know T is a deeply relevant and spiritual and psychological but when you read it literally you don't see that it's more like stories and so on so it's really taking all that the Reb's favorite term was t t has to be a directive I call it a blueprint for life hence toward a meaningful life yeah wow amazing and um you're also the founder of the meaningful Life Center explain me where this takes place and what is this well the book once the book was published and remember when you have a big publisher behind it it has mass distribution correct so it's in every bookstore in the country literally yeah not just Jewish bookstores right you can find it anywhere and there was no Amazon then just for the record um and they also make major publicity like they sent me first to 30 cities then 90 cities you speak at bookstores Barnes & Noble then there was also borders was another big store chain and they also get you a lot of publicity I was on national TV radio this was these places more less before the internet really it didn't have what we have today so in that time it was published in 1995 five that was when it was first published so so a lot of publicity so it created a tremendous amount of response right and the only thing I had them was the email address right so as a result of the demand that the book created that's when I went and realized there's a lot of work to be done a lot of people read the book said we want more right or did deeper and you know when as soon as you deal with personal issues everything starts coming out you know people's anger and traumas and struggles personal interpersonal so on so um and I'm that's one of my strengths so then decided that you know make turn the book into a movement so to speak right so meaningful life center is from the book name meaningful life and now we have a big following and yeah so then so so I created a center which included at the time uh classes workshops live classes live classes was given in Brooklyn in yeah cuz then there was no YouTube there was no video there was none of no podcasts I remember that yeah so it was classes U no man I started in Crown but then I started doing the manatt New York City wow because there a bigger crowd was coming and my the I'll tell you in a moment the audience in the moment but so started being classes personal coaching counseling yeah and I needed to build a team so I became an organization you know you have to raise money and I had other people helping um with with the with with the work and also writing I'm a good writer so also was besides personal interactions like in classes and workshops weekends Retreats stuff like that also was writing every week I would write an article sent out by email and we built a following a following which thank godem over the years grew into a very big following so then we started building and growing today we have over 300,000 subscribers on YouTube POS and it continues to grow um as well as millions of views another thing is you know there's different rabbis and different teachers I'm I I guess I was blessed I know how to speak the Lang universal language you know without any Hebrew words your audience at 300,000 is a lot of unaffiliated yeah and I would say even many non-jews interestingly they're also demogra they also thirsty for something this may this may strike you as interesting a big number of uh Arabs of Muslims listen I'm talking about in the hundreds of thousands amazing stuff when I was uh you know 16 15 16 17 I was struggling with my yish gu I grew up in a obviously in a very from home home home right I went to Yeshiva Etc but I was not uh being in I wasn't inspired but just for the full full disclosure I wasn't molested right I wasn't abused I wasn't traumatized so I don't have any anger or bitterness right but I was not connect yeah yeah I wasn't passionate it was technical for me you know learn mother brilliant splitting hairs 100 days and every day you know right so that I learned but I was like a I would call myself a Rebel Without a Cause right I had a lot of energy right but I didn't know where it's going to go when I started learning I mean it's a long story nothing happens overnight right and I was I was struggling mostly internally whether this is the life I want to commit I wasn't looking just to be you know uh Hees I wasn't it wasn't like I was distract attractive you wanted it to make sense to you the logic so I I you know I read a lot of books that were not necessarily TT books other religions other belief systems simply out of curiosity and it came to realize that you know what I can spend the next 80 years reading traveling around the world and I still won't have an answer so I did recognize and I respected yish because it's been around thousands of years but I have to be honest I didn't personally it didn't resonate yeah now I want to discuss your father I remember um I was a little kid and in Williamsburg I I and now you're an adult is that what you're telling me yeah okay so so um I remember there was on Broadway there was this this uh Pakistani he was he was selling newspapers and magazines it was was outside Williamsburg and we used to pick up the newspaper it was the laab newspaper the Alam so that's why I know you called it the G the G correct what CRI did you grow satmer oh hardcore hardcore yeah started out in Williamsburg yeah oh wow okay so and what's interesting is that to used to buy that paper of course used to buy it you know yeah people want to see fruit everybody and these people used to go and used to buy it every shabas and I remember you know what I remember there was a rabbi David Hollander yeah yeah yeah he was from Brighton Beach right right right right he was and he used to give a little in yish he used to have like a little Artic like for shabas like like a little month and I just loved it anyway as my father aged the newspaper aged and it was getting difficult financially he was getting into debt I wasn't involved at all then my father passed away 20 years ago yeah and on the way back literally from the funeral from the Levi I told I'm the oldest of five you're the oldest yeah there's bo boy girl boy girl boy I'm the oldest and I said to my brother to my family my mother my siblings I said we want to kill the newspaper we can kill it but you can't let it just die you know we already have a death our father's death and my my they were all fighting with me they said no but said Shiva then we'll worry about it I said no if the newspaper doesn't come out next week it's not coming out again and I took upon myself Complete mugas because I had a full-time job I was doing the meaningful life yeah yeah you were busy yeah so I said I'll take upon myself to raise whatever a few hundred, Let's test the waters so so my question isad and satmer why the rift what was because I know from you know I know from history that there were a lot of there was a couple of satmar who went over there's some big names who went over they became very close to the and now by now and now is nowabad and sat is a little bit coming together you know it's like not it's not the way it was when I was younger no no but what is really the foundation of Rift well if you ask Yak Hitler he would he would right nor bells or nor nor for that matter reform Orthodox conservative right so when it's like when you look from the plane you don't see the difference you don't see the difference Heights and but you know how it is with Yen the whole world hates them but then they start hitting each other they don't know how to get along and I think the real Rift began listen let's be honest you grew up in satmer there is a canoas there 100% tremendous Cano 100% about Israel Zionism of course you know going to the Cal right um um the satarov came out very strongly against that the re instituted putting on everywhere he felt it's a you can't put on MH so it began I think with certain ideological theological differences which that itself was just between the it was also fights between you know I mean you probably know rauk and ra right right or or the brisker and the you know there's always differences here I think some of of as they called them or whatever and they were I I heard this myself from s and other says we have an element that I just push to K and they you know know would have allowed someone to cut off a beard was learning T I mean ridiculous even with Zionism he was against Zionism but when it came to giving money he never said give money to the Arabs against of course of course he was he's not P for he was not I was going to ask you about this the leish is important in inat like between the man and the women depends how one second you're talking about matters no no you're talking about whether of your shirt everything you can see that the way you know the like you look at all the other and then you look at see they have a third it's they don't put a big doish on these things right correct well I would put it this way kabad the biggest emphasis is on the not on the let so that's the answer right so in the morning when you say has nothing to do with it that's also right now that doesn't mean l doesn't have any value right you know but the question question is if that becomes the only thing yeah that's you forget about the pr so that's the key there's a concept of Al Al you know so the way I the way I see so I think some C some communities the clothing is more important than almost anything else yeah and if you puts a lot of pressure on like you know if someone puts on a blue shirt it's worse than if someone uh someone a in way which is a little odd right because if you know Al it's not really work that way you know is a best meaning right you know even wearing a doesn't say anywhere right so so why why did it become like I would throw the question back why did it become such a right you know so to me it seems like okay it's like the uniform is more important than now again I'm not dismissing it no because it holds them you see sh cannot go to certain places because the way he looks he's that would be yeah yeah yeah okay but yeah um no I I I am not dismissing it at all correct there is something to it no there's something the question is all proportion balance right you know but then like like this guy tells me he says yeah the Lush was very important but this guy with the L molested me with his I'd rather him not be have the L and not molest me so which is more important understand for sure so so you suddenly hide behind masks the question is on Hashem how he created a world where you can masquerade as a mench you're really an animal animal from the inside Mish you were saying that the reab was not like any other reidas that you see he was more of a Masia which means I will teach I will I will teach by example I'm a role model but you can do whatever you want that means like I'm not going to throw you out if you don't do this and this in the box right not only that he was sending people away so he wasn't like come to me for some come to me for he was making leaders he you don't see this create dependency yeah cuz he had wanted you to go cuz the Reb also had a tremendous vote of confidence in people he said he believed in The N he didn't just say as words right just to give a personal example my father was this way very much like for example my father not once touched me in his in his life no matter what I did I was a troublemaker you know like everybody yeah but there was a certain like he like had confidence that I'll be all right and it gave me confidence but you know a father who's always imposing like slipping you by the ear where' you D when did you D how this so on one hand you could say where's the discipline right but when you grow older you realize that it's coming from Love and and not that he would let me do whatever you know but it was coming from a place of like he believed in me that wasn't afraid that he was losing anybody he was like he was making in also some very secure very secure in what he was doing and another interesting observation that someone told me and I don't know if that you would know better than me is that he never went to aabad house to visit he never went to clap maizza or take a picture this is you go around and you're looking at the entire world you can go there's there's another never went there's not one picture where the re went and he was looking at at at at the stuff that he created there was a there was no ego there sort of self-esteem that he put into his that you can do it I trust you you and the wife together go down there do your thing you got it but you don't see this anywhere this may be a little controversial for some but you can deal with it yeah I think it was one of the older from previous generation so he was talking to a toag they call him Miss nag and Miss nag said you know that you're you're your obsession with your Reb is crazy tell me who's bigger your Reb M he says my Reb for sure so guy said how could you say that he says because without my I wouldn't believe in it makes me believe yeah so for me he's bigger you know what would you say for a person who knows the truth and he's really struggling he wants to put logic together with AA he has a hard time understanding he's in the culture and he's doing doing everything but he really wants to he wants to get there to a place but he's not there yet well you're looking at one person like that okay me yeah first of all I don't think there's anyone that doesn't struggle with that to some extent M um you know right right um but I haven't actually in my in the Torah meaning for Life a whole chapter called faith and reason so think few points I would make number one people misunderstand they think auna is like a crutch when you can't figure it out you just realize AEM that's it's like an answer pain yeah it's an it's a it's an easy scapegoat easy way out right hmem did it hem it's not it's not correct real am follow not preced am of a two-year-old yes there's no yet right but a of an 80-year-old is like I've gone through life SE can lead you to adore the only way to enter is with some type of leap of faith they call it Sam S actually compliment SE I will challenge you or anybody most major decisions people make are not based purely on SE like who you marry right is it pure SE if pure you don't know maybe five years from not who knows what's going to happen right all kinds of things there's you buy a business why this business not that business right so some people say it's intuition but so you do your your research you do your due diligence but there's always a place where you're going to have to follow an instinct Call It Whatever You Like right we call it am right so SE really leads you to a place and Amun is like you know makes it certain you know you rely right is there something that's beyond us is there a certain like if you go to a doctor God forbid yeah not you I mean a person it's not because the doctor replaces us but you say hem is working through the doctor let me get here what the doctor says but then I want a from hasem to make sure that it's it's not a contradiction when Yu prepares to meet asov he D to hasem he prepares for war and he prepares a bribe to appease him yeah a gift they old his and in other words it complement each other so was once wrote to the was his name he wrote to the for so the go to meaning that was a common answer go to friends that are experts like a doctor that knows you going on yeah or a businessman so he wrote back to the Reb he says I want the Reb responded to him why do you mind I'll answer through them they're that's how they made it so I think has to be understood as complimenting right and um um yeah but there are places there are situations like someone asked me you believe actually that yamu happened that the middle of nowhere the water split I'm not talking about a little Brook of water an ocean and the way it split in a in a yeah so I've been challenged this many times I said look I don't remember that it happened right my memory you know I have a good memory but not that far back yeah but I will say this I have embraced yish for many reasons a lot of it is logical reasons a lot of it is also emotional I grew up with it and so on so once you embrace the big picture I give the benefit of they say it happened you believe it now if you told me all of my yish is built on and nothing else I don't see anything value then I probably wouldn't I said what second since when the oceans don't split but you know when you see a God that has been good to the that kept the Jews are here thousands of years later and what about the Holocaust of course that comes up right away so this is obviously a big topic I'm not saying but that comes it's a struggle come yeah it is a struggle look I always ask people who call themselves atheist because of the Holocaust I say why does it bother you what's wrong with survival of the fittest do you also bother you when a a lion kills a deer in the woods an innocent deer was killed by he said why doesn't it bother you because that's what you call nature so maybe humans also the more powerful ones kill the weaker ones why does it bother you why could you why why is why can't you sleep why are you expect Justice there's no God there's no justice right so I say the fact that it bothers you means there's something inside you you believe that a little child should not be hurt right I don't think I met many people tell me little children innocent children should be hurt so you don't want to call it Hashem fine and I always quote the who told the self-proclaimed atheist the god you don't believe in I also don't believe right correct so it's a so but it's a big topic I sure it's a huge topic I'm sure you some of your listeners struggle with this we all struggle yeah so so first of all know you're not alone I'll say this know you're not alone yeah and secondly it's a process you have to ask the right questions I'm for one I I never silence anyone every question is permitted right because a lot of people growing up in the Yeshiva World and so on were silenced you're not all to ask that questions off limits right it's yeah she whatever the the words are it doesn't help doesn't help and it's not even true every PES we encourage the children to ask questions so I once told this to someone he says but we tell them what questions to ask that's not the point I said the point is that you encourage them to to ask to think and ask not to not you tell them what question you feed them the question yeah yeah so since since uh you have the meaningful Cent the meaningful Life Center and we know giving meaning to a to everything that's happening in your life is very important you know the book The Victor Victor Frankle man search for meaning meaning is very important because you everything that throws at you everything that life throws at you you give it meaning and it helps you um helps you get through it the question is how does a person give meaning to a major difficulty or a major problem that he goes through that's a big question you know um I for one understand that se has its limits you can only give you know SE Works in normal situations but as soon as you deal with tragedy or loss or whether it's individual or Collective right you have to use other tools you can't just start explaining things you can't just say everything Hashem wants it's all for the good that's nice when it doesn't happen to you but when it happens to you personally right so I think there's a lot uh a critical importance of recognizing people's um emotional uh say distraught being distraught and respecting it right like you see when people God forbid right even a sad you don't say you know what Hashem knows better let's not no one no sadik has not never said Shiva why not that sadic knows does whatever is no because created us that when a father or mother and no one should ever know this dies you're saddened it's apress I remember when my father passed away it was traumatic and he was a little over 70 but still traumatic and it's a shock even M was shocked when he saw tumas mess the med say I remember when the rebba when his wife passed away and the rebba was a man who had you know he had composure and he but he cried and he was vulnerable and and there's nothing that's the way Hashem created us and even says Hashem made it demise could also cry however you explain so I think sometimes an answers like one Reb once told a who tra suffered says I don't have answers for you but I can cry with you there's nothing that to me is a far more uh legitimate answer than starting to try to explain it so once you get through that a certain I guess validation that you're allowed to cry you're allowed to questions you're allowed to be even angry and upset but what you want to do as the Reb often would say you don't want to ask why it happened you want to ask what are you going to do about it how you going to build your life from here are you going to become stronger or you going to let it destroy you right so it's not an answer per se so I think the meaning you find once you ask what am I going to do about it right which you can't necessarily ask the first day right when you're in shock it takes time but ultimately whatever I've seen look um my wife lost her mother at seven years old I was telling you the true story yeah she's the youngest of five children my wife and I I Marvel they're such healthy people and I know plenty who've had a tragedy like that and life is over difficult devastated they're not married they're angry they they're psychologically screwed up messed up Etc and I looked at I studied her family and I saw there was a lot of am but also a lot of strength her grandmother survived her daughter's passing and she was a very strong exal woman she didn't let them have self-pity she brought them up with dignity and I'm sure they have a big hole in their heart it's not a question but they became stronger people right so the so the meaning I would say not before because we always pray hasem we shouldn't have but once it happens it ultimately I don't like to use a cliche but that which doesn't kill you makes you stronger right or like you're like a tea bag you don't know how strong you are until you put into hot water right so no one should be put into hot water right but I'll use a you know the more they were pic the more they were Afflicted and oppressed the more they thrived so that's how healthy people find meaning meaning in life yeah you see people you know most of the hospitals most of the are built by people who suffer you know how H solo was born yeah we all know the guy's I think mother they came too late ambulance came too late he said I got to do something about and he changed the the Jewish World right through a tragedy so everything that a person goes through he can look at it as a as in most of the time the people who come out on the other side they say that now this Made Me Stronger this is who I am I wouldn't be here if not for this and this some people say it some people will even say therefore if you if you had to write the script again would you want some will say no after the fact uh it's the way a lot of people say do would not change the script yeah now which is hard to hear right you know because you think you would write have a script you didn't have that tragedy or loss it's not it's not pure SE be honest it's not a SE answer but it's life life is not all pure SE talk about amuna right that's where you just see there's something more to life you know when a mother stays up all night with her child or I was dealing many times with a mother the doctors say your child is autistic you're never going to have a relationship with you and the mother says I will have a relationship so the child wasn't cured but you see something when the mother comes to the child there is something a con and no doctor no normal doctor will say it's it's fantasy there's something there there's no question there is something that is beyond human capacity to fully understand real love real love you know I saw a video I don't know if it's real recently mhm I don't know if you ever saw it it's very fascinating to me I have to research it where Twins were born and one was still born and they declared him dead but the other twin kept holding on to him and after a while he came back to life and they cannot explain it now I don't know what that is again unless it's some maybe maybe it's fake but if it's true it's interesting something right yeah yeah again it's not even the B says the difference between a miracle and natural event is only how often it happens right you know right like the sun rising the fact that we breathe 12 times every minute you know look at someone struggling to breathe and you suddenly realize how many mechanism have you know so are happening all writes is BAS is is just a bunch of happening again and again again and again so you think okay yeah it became a so this is all part of it's like appreciating The Wonder of nature in a little grain of sand you can have as Big Miracle as K samsu if you wish if you look right it's all perspective right talking about relationships um what's the key to a meaningful relationship you mean like in marriage in marriage relationships or friendship or like children that it's not just uh it's not not just a physical connection like you know I like you because you do something for me or because I like how you look or because you have money you know but there's some spiritual connection let's let's talk about marriage yeah I always talk about in marriage that there is three levels of compatibility people physical compatibility something you simply like the other person physically yeah sexually whatever right and I mean that that's near of course yeah um second is emotional compatibility you know you can likeone looks but there's no no bond yeah you know you don't feel for them they don't and then there's intellectual compatibility you know you share ideas you share but all those three is not the ultimate I call the fourth spiritual compatibility two people who share a vision what kind of home they want to build right what kind of Mark they want to make in the universe when people come into their home what what's the environment what kind of children they're going to bring you know like we talked before the mission of your life right the shared values ultimately a meaningful relationship has to have the fourth one the first three are important but they're all um first of all they're all subject to change and they don't create the foundation the found when you say B it has to have the third partner somewhere Hashem has to play a role in this so you would say that this is the key let's say for dating if people are dating they have to look for uh spirituality and if they share the same values and if they uh y if they i i i counsel many young people you know today A lot of people are struggling with dating yeah I always ask them what are your priorities what's most important to you right and most say the wrong things yeah money is Big yeah you know some like some you know but how many say mid Davis is just that kind person yeah what about a person you can trust and I say what about someone you can trust is that important to you they say oh you're right you're right they didn't even think of it so they said you're dealing with a partner in life that you want to know that whatever comes up in life you have someone that you can talk to doesn't mean you have agree about everything but if you don't but the focus today is so materialistic but in dating um let's say someone's dating for six months can you really know that person or is it this is where the comes in look I I dat a long time but um you know I I think exactly right Hashem gave us enough to know enough to make a decision you know everything of course not because in 10 years from now you may be faced with a financial challenge or God forbid something negative and you see see a new person yeah but you don't really see because you do that I think Hashem in his wisdom allows us to see enough that you could like say yes this person is going to be a good mother this person will be a good wife loyal wife I think loyalty and Trust are things you could see after six months after six months now obviously everyone can go through nus in life Anything could happen right but but you know enough to go with it and uh it's what I I find when if your priorities are right right if your priorities are not if you know if you're not looking for someone to trust or someone that's kind yeah you know when does a person know that uh enough is enough like in dating no in uh in marriage oh people are struggling and they have all kinds of issues and they're like should I shouldn't I should I take my time and it's not an easy decision but but say the dword you know person wants to go for it when does a person pull that trigger the problem is you know on a broadcast like this it's very hard to talk in general terms yeah I would say if anyone's contemplating that they better talk to someone oneon-one professional professional or mashia or or a coach but someone that's psychologically attuned right that you trust because I don't want to give General guidelines because you were saying that people Case by Case Case by case sometimes you find out that person thinks enough is enough and you find out they didn't try everything right that's the thing that's why I'm trying again or they have something else going on that they're not telling you you know you need to I've dealt with plenty of situations some ended up unfortunately in divorce some did not yeah not always for the right reasons when you start digging you start finding out things that are not always you know they don't always tell you everything you know as usual most problems people tell you are not the real problem it's only the symptoms right or like I like to say there are three stories his story her story and the true story yeah so you get pieces but if anyone's contemplating going remember divorce is always the last option last option and not jump to conclusions while you have 15 emotions going on in your head and you didn't identify exactly what really what's bothering you sometimes four other things are bothering you but together it sounds like it's the end of the world so there's divide divide and conquer right you know before the program you mentioned narcissism yeah what do you do in that case marri to narcissist and you realize I was able to tolerate it till now the children are not going older that's not it's a big difficult one because we both know it's not curable it's not curable and um but the question is also level of the extreme of it right you know does he acknowledge anything does he not he or she because everybody is on a different level and then you have to tolerance level and you know and then is the bad is the known evil better than the unknown evil yeah you know and uh I I would not say anything in in sweeping generalities right because you're dealing with nees here it's life course especially their children and nor life you think even divorce when it's necessary you think all Glick and everything is beautiful afterwards right and then and then suddenly you meet someone's everything good then you find that as a bigger narcissist yeah what do you do then and also you know why are some people drawn to narcissists and some are not yeah this is this is a a podcast for itself ex why a person should get so point being is I want to say is something things can be discussed in general terms some things you must talk to someone professional a professional or someone that you trust just to open up the conversation with someone because we're all subjective and you know there is a quote in your book it says clearly a child who was brought up with no fear of Hashem um there is no way under the sun that this person will have any respect for authority or for you know people family parents and and a spouse because they love themselves more than anything else you know that you talk about narcissism so what you're saying is that if a if a person I say to that ex does not believe you quote your reading from my book right you that ex clear this the words clearly um a person who was not born yeah was not BR well my my explanation would be cuz Hashem is more than just Hashem Hashem means there's something greater than you cuz the other option is to worship yourself yeah so someone doesn't have accountability to Hashem so that's one big r where will they have accountability to whom to their Bo that's what I'm saying no nothing it's only them yeah so so this is one big red flag that you date to find out if that person is is is a big one understands why where's a y yeah 100% % it's it's in simple English it's accountability and that you're not your you're not the final say about everything right it's not all about you who are you yeah who are you yeah yeah I mean there's you're not the only one on the planet but remember if the person himself doesn't have such right is he going to look for you know yeah met people who said to me I don't care if she doesn't have fear of God I want her to have fear of me I said great that's that's right you're right on the money yeah I want to talk about the subject of course of addiction and drinking and alcohol and I know I'm not I'm asking you as a professional as a person with experience and as a person talking to people but I know inab drinking that used to make a and this and that and and you know people take these things like uh you know little what's your take on on on you be surprised at my take here okay or maybe you should be surprised over the general topic first of all let's make one thing very clear in long before the Reb long before long before there's only one God yeah your connection is only with one if you replace God and you become addicted to any substance you're out you're out of the may not be but it's definitely ideologically of it because you have you're worshiping something that's controlling you yeah when it says could be to humans could be to behaviors or it could be to could be to porn or can be to drugs or gambling okay so that that's simple as that the question is is there room for the concept of put him we have the right you know which is again long before and then you know by there was the concept and some people did get drunk Etc so I don't know if you know this but the Reb 1963 shabas I'm giving you the exact date came out with AA that nobody should drink more than four little cups of the period yeah with no exceptions first he said three then four now four little cups You're not getting drunk on so when he was asked what do you mean of always drank so he wrote a whole letter on this he said that was in a little stle bich or somewhere else and they were Y and they didn't drink to have fun it wasn't a Social Scene It wasn't a bane or you know this men's club with mik right and they were people who remained with control over themselves they didn't go crazy same thing with ad you know someone once drank on and became sh so the said before you have ad first you have to have yod you can't go to ad so you so this was misunderstood not only Mis this has been DED I actually have a big gripe a lot of my own colleagues I said what do you mean I mean the re made a this Reb that you swear by yeah why made film made he didn't call anything else ex right yeah so one guy will say you know they have all kinds of I don't buy it the Reb was very upset when he heard about it he was upset when someone made kidish he heard on mashka not on wine he wrote he wrote he wrote things like Nal I was shocked when I heard so this is not spoken about a lot but the rebba basically even equated alcohol today to drugs so so first so let's make that clear so there were different times we don't have the same and he actually what does it say in the and when they did get drunk you it says then it says that's not the way so completely to to negate that there were people who did drink and say in a way but today for sure it's not to say and that's that's my real statement I I don't have to be stronger than the reab himself right and he was very what I will say is today I do not see it adding you know some people say gets rid of your inhibitions you know I could talk more openly this way you know I understand but we have a re he said otherwise and um and I don't see any excuse for today I see it I see it a completely as a social party right and nothing to do witha you know people come Friday before daving or kidish clubs yeah and mik it's it's just terrible their wives are usually not involved which tells you right away something that means it's like as a matter of fact they're very up very upset when these these yeah they come home have yeah yeah so anyway I can't say in stronger terms I just don't there's nothing redeeming about it what again I've I've studied it I like if I someone showed me that one out of 100 people had became a more more daving properly B it's an it's it becomes a crutch it becomes I know people who wait all week they can't wait to say a little either they wait or they drink during and I've seen worse things also I've seen people who became abusive he got drunk I'm just out of control and they were abusive and hurtful I know people whose wives gave them an ultimatum yeah I know one Community a wife gave an ultimatum the husband insulted the wife public on shabas and she said and then the community members came to the guy and said if you don't straighten out we don't want you back in the sh here so he did and it saved his life today he open speaks openly that was a it was for him he was a very insecure Guy drinking gave him like an outlet of course yeah so that's that's already you need you need therapy you need help to work on your self-esteem or to work on I have not seen any alcohol helping anybody in any way shape or form you know another discussion is psychedelics I want to talk about it think about it yeah I have my thoughts on it I'm as you see I'm not ashamed I I'll tell you exactly what I think well tell me exactly what you think well you want to pose the question or you want me yeah my question is what's your take on psychedelics on iasa it's becoming very popular lately weed is legal now it's just like alcohol yeah um I think it's it's it's it's going in a wrong direction 250% but uh I would love to hear what you have to say and there's Camina there's DMT I will tell you this St full disclosure I've never done any of this I haven't smoken even a joint in my life I'm a purist yeah I get my spiritual highs from from different place and as I told you work in the so I know a high is and I so I don't need any of this stuff right you know but I speak to many people and uh I've read tremendous amount I've read all the literature that's possible I actually read it before this whole new what they call plant medicine stuff there's also LSD the synthetic stuff from the 60s and there was a guy called Timothy ly who wrote a bunch of psychedelic literature so I was always intrigued by Altered States Of Consciousness but not because I have any interest in doing it right so now when I see it have I have many many problems with it but let me start with a I'll quote a letter from the re in 1966 someone wrote to the rebba about LSD so LSD just for the re is for the record is a synthetic it's not natural right it's not like awasa right Orbin or others that are based on a natural plant or natural frog toad right and it's whatever glands so he writes about LSD asking the rebba and the Reb's response is very interesting he says classic Reb he says I'm not an expert in Pharmacology but in yish kite the way to reach spiritual highs is through natural means not through any substances except medical reasons they have to go to a doctor and like anything that's the gist of it so my response would be exactly today people I I have consulted hundreds if not more yeah I've been at events recovery Retreats and so on where and the in the fir world as we both know it's somea now it's like everybody's doing it everybody I mean a lot of people yeah and some are swearing by it and some are not and so a few things I will say if you're talking for spirituality because you're not you're not you're not uh stimulated by daving and by mitz and by shabas and by big problem with that cuz what are you doing you're replacing it and someone say I get inspired by Buddhism or someone says I I get inspired by going into a church so why is this but but you know you're replacing Hashem gave us a whole TAA to reach connect with him yeah so I understand naturally with your human being no one second so and I understand that our Yeshiva system and our synagogue system and our schs have let us down they're not doing it for us that I'm not ready to that I'm ready to acknowledge the question is is the solution to go to something else correct or let's make a revolution in the you know every sh someone has to pay the the bills so if you're really so desperate say I want a I want a new Rabbi I want someone who's going to inspire me spiritually right not just some guy that has I mean if you really want to change things right so a lot of people say okay I'm not ready to do that this is easy so I have a problem with it theologically um as far as medical goes so look I know people take lithium I know people who take medication that is very has a lot of side effects so what concern I have is that today it's not being administrated by Professional Medical people it's usually quacks and a lot of the professional medical world does not doesn't want to go there also it's illegal medically right not spiritual so there's a lot of problems how it's used so in this world they call it intention and integration why are you taking it what's your int why why someone asked me I said what's the reason what's missing someone Recreation just fun that's not a tera answer so if it's a tera person the answer is no that's not it's a lot of recreation fun that you shouldn't be doing so that's not if you're saying I'm I have porn addiction or I have PTSD or something else and a professional is telling me this may help your brain or whatever or I go I have a serious abuse as a child so if it's administrated by somebody who's responsible like I said there are stronger medications than plant medicine that people take like somebody takes things for their heart right that is very intrusive right but there's intention and most importantly integration means afterwards what do you do afterwards yeah you're not going to take it every second right and that's where there's a lot of problems so right now I look at it more like a fad right now remember it's not pleasant many people tell you think I'd like it you know what he makes you throw up you have bad memories Anything Could Happen and another thing is you know in general the jury is out we don't know what'll be 5 years from now those people are doing it now who knows what kind of they people I know they don't talk about the psychosis or psychotic uh results that some people you know they're very careful if someone has bipolar right they should not take they should not take right because what happens a person doesn't have bipolar but they're on the borderline of course wake up something that so I I see a lot of irresponsible uh Behavior with it I am on the other hand I'm open-minded enough to say that if you have real professionals and and indeed very clearly you know why like I know a guy that took it because of sex addiction with aaska aaska and a few other things few other things but he already worked on his that's another thing to do it you know because Shaman's another thing can be also borderline of a des yeah but let's say it's not done that way but in this casee I know the guy personally and it has helped him but he's already gone in beforehand he has a good marriage and he wants to make sure he M he's not just doing it you know like that so but that's a very specific I think right now what's happening is you know people are it's it's like a lot of people who are spiritually asleep it's waking them up and they feel good about it you know a lot of people have told me I didn't even know there was a God now I know there's a God but is that true that the that that will alter your mind I mean it's supposed to gives you Illusions gives you show how's God coming into this I just want to tell because if you get the ego out of the way it's like the K said does he get your ego out of the way or inflates an ego it says that you are the best you the nicest no not necessarily no no the K once said they asked him where's the he says wherever you let him in correct so if what it does do and this is this is proven kills it it gets rid of the clouds the distractions MH the the the the desire for power for ego for money it does do that and it goes into a deeper place but that's a positive the question is whether it should be done to begin with right and in a way that you're inducing it because it's have you earned that look people who D or do mitz properly also doing that but they're doing it natural means right here you're using something that actually it does play let's let's make this clear it plays with the chemicals in your brain that's for sure right and it does it it can do that and therefore that's why they feel like suddenly I see a deeper truth I didn't know was there I'm not going to invalidate that that still doesn't mean this a right because now what do you do when got drunk or the for the yeah they definitely had a spiritual experience but only RAB AKA came out intact one went mad yeah one died he for mess and one became apostate so they all had some spiritual experience I'm not comparing but I'm just saying something happened so you could you could alter a person's Consciousness the question is number one should you do that right and two what happens afterwards correct fine very nice you had that experience let's say for a moment you you saw right look I did not do it so I can't speak first person but I've spoken to people I resp addictive is it addictive no it's not that's the thing it's not addictive and it doesn't have as we know any side effects except psychological right CU you can become dependent on it which is huge now now so there are people I I know this also from LSD I know people today that sh MIT because LSD opened them up to believing in God cuz you does it does it gets rid of the what we call the heler of the world and you suddenly see inner energy they they do experience it and the way it's been described to me it's it's like seeing theem in a way wow but so what so I my response to that by the way my response short and easy way is what that's the problem my response is that Hashem said you know what since some of you are in a coma I sent something that can wake you up but a person that's healthy you're not going to give them drugs that you give to someone in the coma right so it's a bigger topic I'm trying to point out is I'm not fundament I I I respect higher states of cont I understand what that means the question is what's the right way to do it right um I I I I stand by my position which is we need a revolution in yish that does not break that goes with with with that is able to awaken was awakened by the Reb so I know it's doable I don't know where i' be without that maybe I'd be experimenting because don't I understand the hunger I understand the need for it like you like example like yourself you don't feel a need either because you're there right or because your life is working but let's say God forbid someone's life is not working I can understand their Des desate right and they'll try anything right you know but um so you have to be S see I'm not I'm ready to say you know you say yeah I understand that there may be a problem doing this but I'm not going to invalidate the person's need for it right that's a big thing the problem with many RIM today that's right they say they just shake is this is off limits right and they don't they don't so give me so tell me what I should do you tell me I shouldn't drink that water but I'm thirsty what water should I drink that's where I have a problem that's where our establishment is failing our young people what happens let me ask you a question you have a 18-year-old comes in speak to you right or for that matter 5 18yar old and I'm speaking from real experience they say I don't want to go to Yeshiva there's nothing happening I'd rather go have fun or go to a game or Worse yeah and here and here I'm being told that if I do this it'll give me a spiritual awakening right so I'll say to them absolutely don't do it go to Yeshiva and just it's not going to work because they're telling you they're hungry so what you're saying is you need to replace it with something exactly so I would say to those young people come to my house let's foring Thursday night let's talk let's let's open up our souls that's right let's sing a nigan right but that is where we're not give him a little bit of obviously and also give them Alternatives of ways to experiencing their right and that is not happen that is so if anything I would say the whole the whole epidemic is at least a wakeup call people I'm not going to invalidate everybody is doing the same they muga or you know what's the matter with them there're there just spoiled brats right you can't say that about everybody they're they're having a lack they I know if you remember few years ago was the call of the schauffer thing you remember that there was these Retreats every weekend people going on Retreats call the sh he was using let's call it things outside of yishai to help yeah yeah there was something came out against right yeah yeah they they came out against it etc etc but they left thousands of people like stranded they became like miranos cuz they secretly still meet and they cry about so theim didn't do anything positive right they just closed it down it's like someone opens up a restaurant in a community put a great food they close it down whatever reason because it's not getting there I don't know but they don't give an alternative what do you think you're creating you're creating a monster someone else is going to open it elsewhere cuz you didn't get rid of the you got rid of the symptoms you didn't get rid of the root right so I see this current situation as a wake up call I've told this to tens of r that I personally know but they say it's out of my league I don't know I know you I give a we give Al we make and then everyone goes home that's all I know right okay so to me you know a a a rabbi is supposed to be a soul doctor I said I don't think uh would say that you know so a simple Jew you you were quoting in your book um also that you were saying um there's two ways how a person can warm up you can put up you can put on a fur coat or you can light a fire and right make everybody warm bring in some that's what you were saying these RAB you have to live for somebody else you well sadik imp pelts the first one is a sad pelts yeah puts on a fur coat he's warm nobody else as long as his Circle and himself he's okay then then that's all he wants too much problems too much heada he doesn't live he lives for himself yeah and it's called you can be very you could be very selfish in that way even if you're a good person yeah one of the things I learned from the rebba from the B rebba was was the idea that if you're teaching and the person is not inspired by your teaching don't blame them look at yourself there's something wrong with amazing you're not speaking from your heart properly it's easy to start blaming the customer you know that that they did this wrong they did this and that and that you have to look at yourself so for me that's a big one you know you're constantly looking as a Mas as a teacher are you what have you done you know would you say is your role model the re for short my father is a role model today I see I see beauty everywhere so to me I find role models in in you see in taxi drivers right in Uber drivers or you know cuz I at some point you know my life I was younger I maybe was more abrasive maybe more arrogant you know I used to look at things more critically but but then in time you start seeing that there's a certain Beauty you know I like the gar in that says yeah someone who sees 600,000 people you make a so Rashi says why says like M because is the wise one of the secrets someone that can be saval and see 600 different a day say you know most of us have friends on a spectrum like you know five different types of friends but that's it yeah nobody has 600,000 types of friends different type right cuz it's not my type type so the idea to be able to see that Salim and the uniqu of different person I find to me as I've grown older that's been one big thing that has become more and more apparent to me that there's a Divine poetry yeah in uh in in the in human race that doesn't mean we all make our mistakes and we all have our faults but even that you know different people may I have my faults so so so so I look is to ask yeah you learn from everyone right and everyone has something to teach says that we're mirrors if I see something good in you means I have something something then you have to look take a good look at yourself what kind of can you give for this person to just put one foot in front of the other I think the single most important thing that each person has to know I use an example from business there's no business on Earth no Corporation no institution no organization that can exist without a mission statement every company needs a mission statement you and I each one of us need a mission statement so ask yourself what is the mission of your life why are you here now many people say to be happy to make money your mission is the reason that your soul came to this world in some way to improve and perfect and sanctify your little corner of the world so you have to look at your skills and your talents and your opportunities and know that the whole world needs you because what you have to accomplish you and only you can accomplish and when you don't do that it's like a think of it like a cosmic Symphony every musician every musical note is absolutely necessary and indispensable so remember that when you say in the morning God is renewing your contract giving you a new V of confidence and saying I believe in you you can achieve anything you need to achieve make sure to hold on to that mission and everything else money materialism power is only a means to fulfilling your SCH is your mission in this world and when we each of us does that we have the Beautiful music of the entire Symphony and that's called the um you know the world is is is divided in two there's givers and they are takers and I want to thank you so much for coming in I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart because you just modeled uh being a giver you you got into the car and you decided I'm coming maybe maybe I will change somebody's life maybe someone is going to hear one thing and he's going to get inspired so I really thank you for coming and I really appreciate it I appreciate it as well thank you for having me maybe that one person is you maybe um and and I I feel always when I um speak or teach or do program like this it also changes me I I don't um even though there's a camera and so on to me it's become very personal yeah I see it as a personal you know CU there's so many messages we hear today from the media and from others that so either someone wants to use you for something they're selling you something you know that's all we get streamed all day that's what we're getting right so to me it's a very uh um I call sacred it's a sacred journey to uh um call cross cross-pollinate right when two people connect and their souls somewhat intersect you bring back some kind of old flavor from not old you know it's still young but it's like you know before the internet before all this old business that we see today a little bit of wisdom it's missing today thank you I really listen I see technology simply as a tool AB a good hammer good screwdriver and it can that's all don't don't don't worship it as an end in itself I don't look it as a gimmick it can amplify your voice and like they used to say junk in junk out yeah that's what technology is if you put in junk you get more junk right you put in good things you get more good things so I want to give you a that you should be and reach many many people and use these uh Airwaves to to bring says yeah everything God created for his coover he should bring a lot of coover to hasem to Jewish people and and we need a powerful see you call the struggle yeah right reminds me immediately of T the struggle between the the animal but we all have our struggles corre we have to know that the struggle itself can bring out tremendous strengths so I bless you that you should use that well [Music]