The Shabbat Show - Episode 15: Justice Richard Bernstein - Full Clip

and i guess really my my initial my first question really is challenge you know i think when people approach challenge they try to downplay challenge they try to be like oh come on just think positively but you know someone like yourself who is constantly pushing yourself harder you're constantly going to challenge yourself right um what what is your approach to how to deal with challenge grapple a challenge and grow from challenge i love that question and i think the way i would say it is is that you know we're all looking to have a closer connection to hashem and i think that if you want to have a real connection and a real relationship with him i truly believe it's okay to be angry it's okay to be frustrated it's okay to be sad it's okay to be disappointed it's okay to not have to praise all the time because any kind of relationship that's a real relationship that has genuine fundamentals to it involves all the levels of human emotion i don't think it's natural nor do i think it's even appropriate to try to go through life being happy all the time and always finding the best in everything and always smiling and always being upbeat and always being filled with joy because honestly i don't think that's real i i think for someone like myself as i go through life i think that if you're happy all the time i don't think those are genuine emotions i think that the way that you tend to kind of appreciate and work through challenge and i don't have any kind of biblical license so i'm just speaking just as a lay person just you know from my own kind of personal perspective but i think the best way to kind of approach it is that it's completely okay to be sad it's completely okay to be disappointed it's completely okay to be angry it's completely okay to be heartbroken because those are kind of real emotions and those allow for you to be the person that you were actually created to ultimately be the way that i tend to approach it and again i can only kind of speak for myself is i tend to try to take from those experiences and learn from those but not learn in the sense of okay become more knowledgeable for me it's more of a sense of okay what can i do with these experiences that allows for me to find a greater sense of mission or greater sense of purpose or a greater sense of focus or a tremendous sense of passion i think what happens is is that people that go through life and have experienced some genuine setback i'm talking about real loss i'm talking about health challenges i'm talking about genuine pain what sometimes happens is is that if you're able to kind of take from that and and focus your anger and your heartbreak and your disdain and your frustration and say that okay i now have this experience but i am going to do something with this experience i am going to marshal these emotions and i am going to do something about it to make things better to really have a positive impact and to lead to real genuine and lasting change i think that's the key it's funny because people like me who are blind and also i also went through a catastrophic accident where i was hit by a bicyclist in central park and spent over 10 weeks at mount sinai hospital basically having to learn how to walk again and having to learn how to you know rebuild my life and i've done 24 marathons and a full ironman but at the time of my accidents you know i had done 17 marathons and a full ironman and then i had to learn how to walk again and had to learn how to navigate through the pain of such a tremendous setback but just a quick example of kind of how i used your question which was you know while i was in the hospital i actually filed a federal lawsuit against new york city now i wasn't asking for any money i didn't want a dime a nickel or a cent from the city i wanted nothing from the city but what i did want from them was i wanted to make changes to central park and these were changes that the city could easily make that would help to prevent injuries like this from happening in the future it's not going to be foolproof but this was a situation where you could literally make things better and safer for all people to use and enjoy in the city because of inertia wasn't doing it and what was funny was that i actually filed the lawsuit from my hospital bed you know i was in horrible pain at mount sinai but i felt this was so important that i filed the litigation from literally mount sinai hospital and the week that i did that and it was funny because i think that the doctors and nurses kind of understood that this was actually important to my recovery and the reason that it was was because it wasn't just a sad situation it wasn't just some tragedy it wasn't just some you know tragic fatal complete thing where okay you have this person who you know was a real athlete at that point in my life like i said before 17 marathons and a full ironman now i'm at 24 marathons and a full ironman but the point is is is that it wasn't just this kind of sad thing you know where oh my goodness this blind person who used athletics to find their voice and to find their identity and to find their place in the world was struck down and now had to literally start from the very beginning and have to rebuild all that he had worked for by literally starting learning how to walk again and learning how to live with a tremendous pain that came out of a catastrophic injury that required over 10 weeks of hospitalization and i think that it removed that feeling of just this kind of sense of oh wow that this was like a just a sad thing that happened or this was just a sad state of affairs or a sad thing of chance and instead it allowed me to kind of say okay i had this sense of like inner strength that kind of emerged as a result because i was able to say that all right i am now going to have to live my life totally different you know i've been born blind i've been an athlete now i have to live with chronic pain for the rest of my days but i was able to say i am going to experience all that and i am going to live with all that but as a result of that central park is going to be made safer central park is going to be made better yes are people still going to get injured yes there's still going to be accidents yes of these things going to happen absolutely but am i able to take a situation and make it a little bit better and if i can say that i took a situation and made it better than it was then ultimately what that does is when i wake up in the morning and i have to face a tremendous chronic pain that comes with this injury i'm able to say that it was for a purpose or it was for a reason and it was for something bigger than myself and i think when you ask the question about challenge and struggle what it really comes down to is as we were talking about before there is no issue with being angry or frustrated and there is no issue with being disappointed and there is no issue with you know being upset with hachem i don't think there's any problem with that at all what i think comes out of it is over time when you're able to see that okay there is a greater meaning or greater purpose to this and sometimes we're not going to know what that is and sometimes we're not even going to begin to understand or appreciate what that is and that's not for us to sometimes even know but what it is is the people that seem to thrive in situations like this are not people who are always able to overcome a lot of times when you talk to people who are are dramatically injured and whose lives have been altered for a lifetime people will always focus on recovery they're always going to say things like oh you know you're going to make a full recovery and that's what people always say and they mean well by it but they'll say to you oh i know this has been so challenging i know this has been so difficult but i am certain that you're going to make a full recovery and a lot of times that's the absolute worst thing you can say to somebody because more often than not most people who go through life-changing events do not make a full recovery the key to it isn't always in the idea of recovering the real strength and real power comes in finding a way to adapt to your new life to your new circumstance to your new situation but to the world that you might not want to live but that the world that you're going to live in but that's the real essence of it it's not always in finding a way to like overcome or finding a way to recover because that that really is a misnomer and i wish that people would take the word closure out of the english language because so often when you when you say to somebody who's gone through a real tragedy like a real i'm talking real a real loss a loss of their health a loss of a loved one a loss of a friend whatever they're losing if it's a significant loss the worst thing that people use the worst language word that i just can't stand is when people say oh now you're gonna find closure there is no such thing as closure and to say to somebody that they're going to find closure in many situations is just absolutely offensive i find it offensive when people use the word closure because there's no such thing as closure but what there is such a thing of is adapting to a new circumstance adapting to a new situation adapting to a new way of living and adapting to a new life and the most important thing is you don't go around having to be happy about it having to be joyous about it having to feel good about it having to find the best in it you don't do that at all you just simply say this is my new life this is my new experience this is my new way of living and i am going to do the best that i can to adapt to this not necessarily find the good in it but really take something out of it so that way you can say that as you went through this new transformative point in your life that you were able to take from it not just learn from it's not about learning but it's about impacting and using it to have a real lasting and profound effect on the lives of others and i guarantee if you do that you're not necessarily going to be the happiest but you are going to be fulfilled because you're going to live with a true genuine and deliberate sense of meaning it's an incredible approach and it sounds to me that what i'm hearing you say is [Music] recovery almost feels like you're going backwards it almost feels like you were one something right now that if someone goes through challenge they've been taken off what they were won so they have to recover and get back to what they had and that doesn't always happen what i'm hearing you say is recovery really is sort of filling in the past and making up that which was lost what you're saying is that is not the approach it's not about recovery it's not about going back to normal right about going forward to greatness it's saying okay this happened and now i gotta adapt i gotta make i gotta make the world better and there's gonna be something that i may now be aware of appreciative pretty appreciative of that i may not have ever had before so there is a sense of loss that uh is going to be the price for my new adaptation and that mentality will it makes a person more resilient because they're always moving forward into a world that they didn't know about before that's exactly right and the most important thing is you have to mourn for your old life and you have to mourn for the life that you once had or the person that you once had or the way that you lived or the way you experience things you have to mourn for it but after you kind of are able to kind of work through that morning phase and you're able to get to the acceptance point then it's about trying to channel it and then saying okay i'm going to now focus on adaptation and then figuring out with through that adaptation what your next step and what your next move is going to be and then what you tend to find is that's usually where hashem will tend to help you because an opportunity will present itself a circumstance will come along a situation will be encountered that your new life experience is now going to be just perfect for and it's from that experience that it's going to kind of take you into a different direction in a direction that you hadn't anticipated or counted on but a direction that's going to really move you in a very powerful way wow that's exactly wow but you have to be open to that and be able to see it and almost you know allow yourself to go in that new direction to be able to capitalize on that absolutely but but the key thing is is is that it's not one of those things and i can't emphasize this enough it's not one of those things that you're supposed to be happy about like it's not one of those things where oh my god i had this terrible accident but my life is great that's that's not an appropriate response you know what i'm saying like that i mean if that is the way you want to respond then then certainly then if that works for you then go for it but i mean it has to be a natural grieving process and it has to be a natural way to kind of be in touch with kind of where you are and what you're doing but i will tell you is what i have found in my life is people that face some struggle and challenge and difficulty tend to kind of flock together they tend to kind of want to be together so what's exciting about my life is the people i surround myself with are people who have similar life experiences and what's incredible is is is that they tend to be the most extraordinary exciting wondrous people that you could spend time with because they live with this remarkable sense of perspective and they live with just this genuine understanding and appreciation of life and their role within it that kind of takes it to a whole different level and i will tell you that you know and again this is anecdotal but usually the people that are facing the most difficult times in life and having the most difficult experiences that they have to kind of contend with more often than not are the people that you enjoy spending time with the most because they're the ones that live with this incredible sense of passion and just this incredible sense of excitement and enthusiasm and also a just a genuine respect for time because you come to realize especially like me when you're a trauma patient and you know you were born blind and you know you face these challenges and difficulties every single day you come to realize the value of every moment and i know that sounds cliche but i don't like for there to be a day that goes by where i'm not able to find one extraordinary thing that happened in the day that doesn't always have to be this like absolutely overpoweringly remarkable thing but i try to find one thing about the day that made it unique or that made it different or that made it exciting or that just added to it and you know again it doesn't always have to be this like dramatic thing and what i always tell people and especially younger people because that's those are the folks that like whenever i have an opportunity and and and when this covet situation is over i can't wait to go back and have a chance to speak to as many people as possible because i love doing that and the people i enjoy having the chance to speak to the most are usually high school students high school and middle school and the reason that i enjoy talking with them is because i always want to share with them the one thing that i wish someone had shared with me when i was going through middle school and going through high school as a blind person i didn't really fit in i didn't have a lot of friends i was an incredibly awkward person and i will say without any question that middle school and that high school was just a very lonely difficult time in my life now i was blessed because i had a few really close friends and if you have a few close friends that makes all the difference but outside of the close friends that i had you know i was definitely not cool i was definitely not popular i was definitely not a leader i was in none of those categories whatsoever and i just wish that someone had told me what i am going to tell you and what i hope you'll share with people who are in middle school or in high school right now that will make all the difference if you're struggling through this phase of your life don't remake yourself don't figure out a way that you're gonna fit in don't try to become more popular don't do things that you know you're not comfortable doing just because you know don't don't all of a sudden like have to put yourself in uncomfortable situations so that you can say okay if i do this i'll make more friends or if i join this team i'll have more friends or you know so often people feel so much pressure to fit in and they feel so much pressure to be popular that what they'll do is is they don't they do things that they don't enjoy but their whole focus and they get that pressure from everywhere right to try to be cool nobody wants to be the unpopular kid nobody wants to acknowledge that they don't have a lot of friends so what happens is people will do anything and everything they can to try to you know kind of you know build a bridge over that so that they're not in that position this is what i would tell any younger person that is struggling through this phase of their life because i'm going to say what i really wish someone had really told me when i was going through this in my younger years in life there are certain situations where it's just not your time it's just not your time and what does that mean it's not a reflection on you it's not a reflection on how god made you it's not a reflection on what you like and what you don't like it's not a reflection on what you're good at and what you're not good at it's not a reflection that you might not be the best athlete or you might not be the smartest kid or you might not be the most good looking or whatever people care about certain situations in life it's just in sometimes it's just not your time and what that means is is do the best that you can to get through it so i just wish someone had said to me you know what it's okay that you're not the cool kid or that you're not the popular kid but you know what in four years life is gonna change so just do the best that you can take out of the experience what you can find the good in it right but do the best you can right it's you know don't try to make it what it's not but just look at it like okay you're gonna probably live until you're well over a hundred so high schools four percent of your life so just do the best you can to kind of take in the experiences enjoy what you can but just simply know that this isn't your time but guess what the minute you graduate it is your time because it's always the people who are going through the most difficult times as they grow up who as soon as they move on to college or as soon as they get older life gets really good because everybody has their time and so if you're young right now and you're going through a difficult phase or a difficult trauma or a difficult experience which is being exacerbated by the whole covid situation just understand that nothing lasts forever and i'll just kind of go back to the old saying that all of our grandparents used to say everyone's grandma and everyone's grandpa would say this too shall pass and what they always meant is that ultimately as you get old like me you'll start to see it literally this might not be your time and if it's not your time just simply know that your time will come and when your time comes it's really going to come and it's going to come in ways that you can't even envision in ways that you can't even expect in ways that you can't even fantasize about it's gonna come in people that you're gonna meet in experiences you're gonna have in places that you're gonna go in challenges that you're gonna face but most importantly it's gonna come in the life that you're going to live and you can't even begin to perceive understand or appreciate what awaits you because yes this might not be your time but your time is coming amazing well thank you for your time i know it's so valuable to get you on and you've given us so much information and we can cut dozens and dozens of these clips i'm so glad you know that's the thing and i'll just kind of end with this and and and then maybe you can use this if this is helpful but talking about challenged you know i i have just become a believer that for good or for bad that hashem gives us our life experiences for a purpose and for a reason we don't know what they are we can't even begin to appreciate it but i've just come to believe that we're given these experiences for a reason yeah and here's the thing i would end with is for me as a supreme court justice i've started to have the opportunity to see what that reason is because if i hadn't been born blind hadn't had to go through a catastrophic injury hadn't had to face the challenges that we've been talking about you know for this discussion i don't think i would be as good of a justice i wouldn't be as kind i wouldn't be as merciful i wouldn't be as understanding and i'm just going to end i promise with this one last story that really affected me because it's how i see the scripture and it's of course my favorite story it's a story about how the angel came upon jacob deep into the night and as we know there existed a tremendous battle that raged until the dawn and when the sun rose the angel blessed jacob but he did something more than that he gave him a new name the name of israel and what i love about the translation is israel is translated to mean one who struggles with god and the reason that i've been so impacted by that especially as a judge is for this reason is is that the angel did not leave jacob without casting an injury as you know he shattered his hip and jacob had to walk with a limp and had to face pain for the remainder of his days and answering the question about challenge and struggle i think it comes down to this story and the interpretation of the scripture to mean this it was only through jacob's challenge through his pain through his suffering that he was able to empathize that he was able to understand but most importantly that he was able to connect and it was only through that ability to connect that he was able to become a great leader and the father of a nation wow that's excellent so much thank you for this opportunity i appreciate it looking forward to i'll be i hope you tune in with us at 5 30 on friday i am looking forward to it and if there's anything else and i got to tell you if there's anything else i can do you have to understand this this i love doing this because my job is so difficult and everything has been so hard with covid that having a chance to do something like this gives the day a certain sense of meaning so thank you thank you all right good job good thank you