The Secret Power of Believing in Others - Charlie Harary

[Music] When I was a kid growing up, I went to a school that was a very like school pride. My high school had a lot of school pride. And one of the things that we did at the end when your senior year was they had something called senior seminar. Senior seminar is they take high school seniors and they basically most seniors and they team you up with freshmen and they have school pride and a school weekend and basically you make it. Now I was not a great student at all by any I was a I was a rough kid growing up. Like I'm still paying my mom back. I don't know how much I owe her, but I owe her. I was such a bad kid. I'll never forget one time I walked into the principal's office where I spent most of my time and the principal, I kid you not, I walk in, he picks up the phone, and it's my mom. I said, "How'd you get my mom?" He goes, "Oh, I moved your mother to speed dial. It was just easier for me." And he shows me his phone. His wife, his mom, my mom. And my mom is like central. You know those Jewish mothers that are like crazy defenders of their kids? You know, you know those types who like it's insane what they say, but they just get away with it. You know those mothers? My mother is central casting like that. She'd pick up the phone every time. Mrs. Harari. And then she'd go into it. He didn't do it. It's not his fault. He's going to be a lawyer one day. His grandfather survived the Holocaust. And he's like, "Mrs. Harrari, he almost burnt the school down." And she's like, "Uh, you can get insurance proceeds. The the building was ugly." That type of psychoness. You know what I'm talking about? That's my mom defending me to a level where like even I'm uncomfortable. One year I ran for the student vice president and I won. He sees me in the hallway. He goes, "Charlie, something positive besides basketball." I'm like, "I think basketball's positive." He goes, "You did something for the school. I'm so proud of you. Come to my office. We're going to call your mom and give her a nas report." I'm like, "What does that word even mean?" I never heard that word before used in my direction. He goes, "We're going to tell her something nice about you." I'm like, "This is wonderful. I don't know how she's going to react." I'll never forget this. I go to his office, sit down, picks up the phone. It's my mom. He goes, "Mrs. Harrari." And he goes, "She goes into it. He didn't do it. It's not his fault. He didn't mean it. His grandfather survived the Holocaust." So he goes, "Mrs. Harrari. Mrs. Hari. Mrs. Harrari." He goes, "I'm calling for something good." I forget this. It's silence. And she goes, "Who is this?" Yep. That's me. So, I'll never forget my SP. Listen, I'll tell you honestly, I was a good kid. I just couldn't sit. I could barely stand behind the podium. Can you imagine me sitting for eight years or 12 years? Forget about it. This wasn't happening. I'm bouncing all over the place. So, I wasn't a good student, but I was a good kid. I played basketball. I was involved like whatever. And I always thought in my heart that the school knew that. I always thought the school got it. There are stupid kids that just can't sit. But they're not bad kids. They just can't sit. No, there's a there's a difference. I'll never forget the day that they published the seminar list. Seminar lists are all the seniors they want interacting with freshmen. I mean, it's not like you have to be like a math tutor. You know what I'm talking about? Like, it's not a tough list to get on. I'll never forget this. My whole life, I go to school that morning. I walk right up to that list. Seminar is my thing. Are you kidding me? I'm ready to rock and roll. I got the songs. I got the whole thing. I go on the list and I'm like A B CDE E F G H. I'm like, "Huh, there's no H. Maybe they spelled Hari with a Q. I don't know. I, J, K. Ah, I must have missed it myself. A B CDE E. A B C D." And it dawned on me. They didn't put me on the list. And for the first of my life, I said to myself, maybe I'm a bad kid. Like, maybe I'm a bad kid. Like, I thought I was a good kid that couldn't sit, but maybe they see something in me I didn't see in myself. Maybe I'm really a bad kid. They don't want me around other kids. And I felt so stupid. I'm like, I'm such a Like here I am thinking that I'm a good kid. All these years I'm walking around and like thinking like they know that like I'm a good guy. I just can't sit. And here I am. I'm a bad influence. And that hit me like a punch in the stomach. I called my mom and said, "Man, I got to go home." She's like, "You okay?" I'm like, "I got to go home." And like on the way out, people like, "You going to seminar?" I'm like, "Sonar is stupid. I hate seminar." you know, just to be a guy about it. I go home, I'm out for the day. Our principal was a guy named Rabbi Elak. He's one of the famous principles in New York. He had a son named Yotav Eliak who taught me Zionism in ninth grade. I'm in 12th grade, three years ago. One elective class. I'm sitting in my house. My mom picks up the phone. She goes, "Charlie, Rabbi Elak's on the phone for you." I'm like, "Rabbi Elak, the principal? I wasn't even in school. How do I get in trouble from being in my house? So I pick up the phone. I'm like, "Hi, Rabbi Alak. It's me. I didn't do it. It's not my fault. I'm going to be a lawyer one day. My grandfather so I have the Holocaust." And he goes to me, "No, no, no, no, no, no. It's not Rabbi Aliak. It's Yotab Alak." I said, "Yotav, why are you calling me? I haven't been in your class in three years." He goes, "You know, I was walking by the hall today. I looked at the list of people that were on seminar. I saw they didn't pick you, man. They missed it. You're a good kid. You can't sit, but you're a good kid. How did they not see that? Just wanted you to know. 30 seconds changed my life. 30 seconds of this man's time to to see a piece of me that nobody saw. 30 seconds of someone's time to look at me and go, "No, no, no, no. Don't form that schema. Don't you dare form the schema that says you're a bit influenced. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. You're a good kid. I see it in you." I got to tell you, the next year I was in ISO for the year, there were moves that I made and when I was about to make this decision or that decision to change my life, you know what rang in my head? Not my mom, although she's awesome. Yes, you can. You know what rang in my head? my teacher from ninth grade who said, "I see you. I see you. You're a good kid. You could be great in life. I see you." We spend our lives trying to feel like we're more when everyone around us is begging for somebody to see them. The greatest gift we have is our eyes. And we can use it to go to our family and to our friends and to our employees and to our every and you can use your eyes to walk around and see the greatness in other people that they don't see in themselves. They'll fight you for it. They'll disagree with you. It doesn't matter. But by looking at them to who they can be, you may be unlocking a piece of them that would never have come out but for you. Not because they're not trying, but because their brain can't see it. And maybe, just maybe, you want to know how we can see greatness in ourselves? Maybe when we spend our time seeing in everybody else, we are actually conditioning our eyes to see greatness in people that one day we look in the mirror, you know, we see looking back at us, someone greater than we saw yesterday. Because at the end of the day, who we are is infinite. What we can accomplish is infinite. Our challenges are nothing compared to what's inside us. And sometimes it's not how hard we try. Sometimes it's how much we believe we can. And when we allow ourselves to see it in every other, our friends, our family, our children, our parents, when we walk around and with spiritual eyes, we see the invisible. We see people in ways that they don't see themselves. and we enable them to find pieces of themselves that would never have come out but for us. And my blessing to each and every one of us is that when we live our lives and we use our eyes, our goal for our eyes is not how you make me feel. Our goal for our eyes is how I see you and I can lift you up. Because we should live lives that at the end of it, however long this is. We're in a yard site tonight. When you're at a yard site, you take stock of the fact that if you're living and you're breathing, that's a credible gift. Life is precious. There is no tomorrow. If we can't nail today, why do we get a chance to turn to God and go, "Give me another 10 years." What we have today is the most important day of our lives. And we should never ever look at anyone in our lives and say, "How did I miss it? How did I miss it? I can't believe they became, "How did I miss that?" Because when we see it in people, we'll see in ourselves. And before you know it, you know that feeling you get with that teacher like who's in third grade. You ever want to have that like fourth grade teacher that saw you? You know what I'm talking about? When you're in her presence, you just feel good. You can't tell why. It's cuz she sees you. We should be those people. When people come into our orbit, they should just feel like I don't know what do you why do I feel different? It's because you see me. You see how I can be. And with that we should unlock the potential in each other which not locks potential in ourselves.