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The Safe Foundation - Drug Crisis Event 4/25/23
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Auto-generated transcript. Not time-synced to the video.
you know
oh
we're going to start in 60 Seconds
Rabbi beta come
here
whoever's sitting in the section beyond
the cameras if you want to just
move up closer if you're comfortable
doing so we'd love for you to do that
okay let's get started
I'm here for the safe foundation and hot
sauce I want to extend a heartfelt
Welcome to our esteemed rabbis Rocher
shivot our speakers and our guests here
tonight
I want to welcome Rabbi Joey bada Rabbi
Joey Haber Rabbi David Sutton thank you
so very much for being here and for the
other rabbis lending their support to
this cause Rabbi Soul Cass and Rabbi
David ozeri Rabbi Eli mansor Rabbi mayor
udid
I especially want to thank them for
continually demonstrating true Community
leadership and lending their support
to addressing this important and
difficult issue
reinforcing just how critical the
marriage is of seeking out both Medical
Professional and spiritual guidance when
in distress
I want to also welcome Dr Jason
Zimmerman
director of hot Salah
and Dr Akiva Perlman PhD licensed
clinical social worker professor at
wurtzweiler School of Social Work at
Yeshiva University
and he teaches trauma and addiction
someone in our community died in a car
accident because they weren't wearing a
seat belt
everyone in this room
would send a message to their families
and loved ones warning make sure you put
on your seatbelt next time you get in
the car
even though most people instinctively
they get a new car the first thing they
do is they put on their seatbelt
but if shalom someone experiences a
fentanyl overdose
you may hear a few Whispers
but most parents and loved ones don't
make family meetings to issue a similar
warning
one need only open a newspaper or watch
a newscast
to know there is a fentanyl crisis going
on in America
in 2021 there are 107
000 deaths from drug overdoses and over
two-thirds of those
were from fentanyl overdoses
that means over 72 000 deaths from
Fentanyl
42 000 that's that's how many there were
from car accidents in 2021.
sadly as hats Allah will attest this is
just not America's crisis it is our
community's crisis
traditionally when we think of people
dying from drug overdoses
we think of heavy drug users addicts
people who just push things too far
beyond their body that their body could
handle that's not the threat we're
facing
fentanyl deaths can be the unintended
result of casual even one-time ingestion
of the fentanyl lace pill or vape
cartridge
at some point in their lives someone in
your family is going to encounter
someone else offering them a pill or
other illicit substance
whether it's at a social get-together or
a party or a late night study group
trying to stay awake or focused for a
big exam
doesn't have to be at a rave
the problem is going to present itself
and it doesn't discriminate by how much
money you have how popular you are how
religious you are whether you're shy or
outgoing or whether you're male or
female
the first portion of tonight's program
is about prevention and awareness
towards that end
we're going to begin by screening a
video which is admittedly difficult
but absolutely necessary to watch
we will then hear from safe
and our rabbis
the second half of the program
we will introduce Dr Perlman who will
speak about strategies on how to
approach our loved ones about the
problem and ultimately how to best be
sure that when it's our loved ones face
with a choice they know to say no
please direct your attention to the
screens
unresponsive at this time
ETA about two minutes any further
my name is Dominic tierno since I
graduated high school in 2014 I've had
the great honor of directing a number of
documentary films about drugs and drug
addiction
our mission is to revolutionize drug
education by telling real life stories
that motivate young people to make one
of the most important decisions of their
life
and that's the decision to not use drugs
2020 was the worst year for drug
overdose deaths
that we have ever seen in the beginning
of summer in 2020 I came across this
article a 14 year old kid from a town I
grew up in had died from what appeared
to be a drug overdose he's a smart funny
guy who like many kids was struggling
with some anxiety issues and decided
that he would turn to drugs to see if he
could help himself with that what
happened was he went and bought this
pill this Oxycontin pill from a guy he
had known because he thought that pill
might ease the pain of what he was going
through mentally
well he didn't know it but that
Oxycontin pill wasn't a real Oxycontin
pill it was a fake pill
it looked just like the pill that he
wanted to try
but instead of Oxycontin it was made
with fentanyl a synthetic opioid known
to be 50 to 100 times the strength of
morphine that one pill he took that
night killed him almost instantly and
his mom found him dead in his bedroom
the next morning
before I can even finish that article
I'm scrolling through and I see another
linked article not far away around the
same time another 14 year old dead from
fentanyl so then I go back to Google and
I type in fentanyl deaths
I hit search
and then it all made sense I saw another
kid and I saw high school students
college students young adults all recent
all over the country all dead from
Fentanyl and so I'm looking at that and
I'm saying these aren't just normal
overdose deaths these people think
they're taking one drug and turns out
they're being killed
why have we not heard about this
it's a drug 50 times more potent than
heroin and doctors say just touching it
can send you to the emergency room we're
talking about the synthetic opioid
fentanyl the first time I heard about
fentanyl was my sister busting in my
house being like don't touch anything in
this room it's Fentanyl and I'm like I
don't even know what you're talking
about like I have no idea what's going
on right now
so most people haven't heard of this
because
we haven't been talking about it back in
2013 when it first started showing up
only about three percent of drug users
were dying from it now we're looking at
over 50 percent of drug deaths being
attributed to Fentanyl
if Alexander could have got a lesson
I wish he knew about fentanyl I wish he
understood that fentanyl poisoning is
real and that every time you try
something you're playing with your life
it is it is pill roulette every time you
try it as a mom of a kid that was just
trying to experiment that's where it
kids
[Music]
as a mom of a kid
that died
just wanting to experiment
I wish I could just shake you and tell
you and make it real for you
but I don't know how to do that I won't
be there when you're faced with these
decisions
I know but if he knew the effects
of his passing it would crush him
Alex had no intentions of me knowing
what it felt like because his face for
the last time
the images that I'm left with
of that day Replay in my mind on a
regular basis
foreign
[Music]
about fentanyl now don't wait until your
best friend has died
or a brother or your sister learn about
it now so you could help your friends
you can tell them you can warn them
you can be a very important part of
Saving Lives
how much cocaine somebody would have to
ingest to kill them
this is the approximate number of
prescription pills one would have to
ingest to kill them
[Applause]
this is the amount of heroin the average
person would have to ingest to kill them
Fentanyl
you're gonna have to bring that camera
up here real close to to see it
this much fentanyl would kill you and I
if we split it
[Music]
they put fentanyl in cocaine they put
Fentanyl and heroin they put fentanyl as
we already know and talked about into
counterfeit pills
it's odorless it's tasteless you don't
know it's there
and when you find out it's there it's
too late you won't even know it you'll
be dead
2500 people would be killed by that
amount of Fentanyl
does that sound like a drug to you does
that sound more like a poison
I was a police officer for 31 years and
during my time in Narcotics I'd never
heard of fentanyl in homicide I saw many
many tragic things I saw people that
were killed by shooting stabbings
beatings nothing that I saw at that
particular time would have ever prepared
me
to see Jessica
I was at work
I got a telephone call from my my wife
Cherie
she was frantic uncontrollable screaming
into the phone
about Jessica
[Music]
and I knew something had happened
Jessica lived with her boyfriend
Nicholas
and a stupid decision in which they
ordered and had some cocaine delivered
to them to their house
resulted in them ingesting it and my
daughter
at that particular time he came for over
29 years of age
Jessica didn't want to die
she has a beautiful daughter Alara who
is now with Sheree and I and we are
raising and uh
she had everything to live for
Jessica knew about fentanyl you know
from talking about this issue after she
died with her friends
I discovered that Jessica had a friend
that he had even died a couple of weeks
prior to her death and Jessica had
spoken to her friends about being afraid
well
if you knew about it why would you even
risk it so you don't you knew it why did
you make that bad decision
who knows
those are those are things that you'll
never answer
we're just trying to prevent it from
happening to somebody else
you know
four years ago DEA in Arizona seized
zero fentanyl this last year we seized
enough fentanyl to kill 70 million
people you're playing Russian roulette
out there when you're taking these pills
and you're buying the stuff off the
street well you have to be careful about
is what you're asking for and what you
get can be two different things and if
you're buying the stuff from somebody
online their bottom line is they're just
looking to make a quick Buck they don't
have your best interest in mind it'll
tell you whatever you want to hear
unless you're getting these drugs from
your doctor
or a licensed Pharmacy in a bottle that
has your name on it
you may as well assume these drugs are
fake you're not getting the real thing
fentanyl is literally taken over the
drug Market it's in everything it's in
meth it's in cocaine obviously the
counterfeit pills that are out there
we're starting to see it showing up now
in marijuana the people who make this
stuff who are putting the Fentanyl and
everything they have one goal to get you
hooked fentanyl is highly highly
addictive they're going to trick you
into thinking you're getting something
you're not to take you down that rabbit
hole to get you hooked on Fentanyl and
have you become an addict because to
them you're a customer and you'll be a
returning customer at that point
one of those times you're going to get
enough fentanyl to kill you
Alex
was in her bedroom at night
getting ready for bed she went on social
media
in search of Oxycodone
it wasn't hard for her to find a drug
dealer and she had what she thought was
oxycodone delivered to our house
one pill had enough fentanyl to kill
five people
my daughter took half of this pill
and died instantly
[Music]
in an instant my life was changed
forever
[Music]
my last memory of my daughter is of her
being willed out on a gurney
I saw my daughter brought into this
world
and I saw her leave this world
[Music]
I have four daughters
a beautiful wife every time we take a
family picture
I don't see who's there I see who's
missing
it's an odd feeling
to looking forward
to dying
because you know that's when your heart
will be made whole again
Alex would have never wanted this
don't do it to your parents
it was March 31st
and that evening was one of the most
special evenings we had had in a long
time
I told them to come downstairs
yeah I wanted to hug him
I don't know why
and came down the stairs and he hugged
me and
he said Dad I'm so sorry for all the
things that I had put you through in the
past and I said don't worry about it
Daniel you're just a kid and you're just
learning but you're going places you got
a great future coming ahead of you
I'm just so proud of you you have no
idea
all right Dad good night
love you
good night son I love you too
see you tomorrow morning
next day
about eight o'clock in the morning when
I walked into his room he was in a lying
position facing up
up against the headboard with his hands
over his chest
and I saw his eyes
he had a little blue on top of his lips
I screamed at the very top of my lungs
Daniel
I called the paramedics
They Carried him down the stairs and put
them on the first floor and
started doing chest compressions and
then they took him to Los Angeles
children's hospital where we were put in
a waiting room
later on that evening
a team of doctors came in
[Music]
and he said if your boy is just a shell
of a boy that he was before
he's not coming back
my only child
[Music]
I couldn't protect them
laughs
I couldn't save his life
I couldn't save my son Daniel
my son is gone
it wasn't supposed to be this way
he was supposed to graduate from high
school this year
if you love yourself
if you respect yourself
if you love life
you have a choice
because it is between
life or death
this is no joke
you can and will die
how do I know this
I can tell you that I've met thousands
upon thousands upon thousands of parents
Nationwide
[Music]
I wish
somebody has sat me down and had this
talk with me about what fentanyl does to
people
I didn't get that chance
you do
you know there's always been one main
problem with the films that we make and
it's the reason why we try to keep them
as real and as relatable as possible
people just so commonly think that it
will not happen to them I'm talking
about great people nice people cool
people intelligent people with big plans
for the future big potential
gone
because of one choice they didn't know
would end their life
fentanyl is coming for anyone and
everyone
so the most important message
that I can give to kids
to teens young adults anybody is the
same old message we've heard time and
time again and that's to really get
serious
about not even trying a drug
you see back when we first started I was
telling kids not to use drugs because
you might get hooked you might get
addicted now it's not there's not even
time for that now it's don't try drug
because you might actually not wake up
tomorrow you might actually not get
another chance
one choice is all it takes
if you don't believe that I guarantee
you at this point there was someone very
similar to you who wish they could be
here right now to look into the camera
and look into your eyes and say don't do
it
please don't do it please I wish I
wouldn't have done it don't do it don't
risk your life
so my question for you is
are you going to listen
or will it be your family
and your friends holding your picture
wishing they could have been there
tell you
[Music]
this is my son Alexander
he died at 14 years old from fentanyl
poisoning this is our daughter Jessica
she was 29 years old when she was killed
by Fentanyl
this is my daughter Alex
[Music]
she was murdered at 20 years old by a
drug dealer Who Sold her a counterfeit
pill made of Fentanyl
this is my son Daniel Joseph Bertha
Johnson
killed at the age of 16 by illicit
Fentanyl
thank you
impressed
I know that was a very difficult video
for everyone to watch
I've seen it
three or four times and it never gets
easier
while we just watched the
heart-wrenching story of four strangers
struggling with losing the loved ones
to Accidental fentanyl overdoses I can
tell you firsthand
that drug of overdoses
and deaths are no strong no stranger to
our community
drug use is not someone else's issue
it's our issue
and unless we take a proactive measure
we will be dealing with another tragedy
what makes this video especially
difficult for me to watch
is that sadly
I've dealt with families that you and I
and everyone in this room
knows well
that have gone through similar
circumstances and experiences
as the people in this video
good kids good families
with good parents
and good backgrounds
we want to do everything in our power to
make sure no one else needs to go
through this again
good evening
thank you
that video is difficult
um
and I'm going to change my speech
it's a little bit out of order
you saw testimony from four families
that had favorable overdoses
I will tell you that solo administered
Narcan four times in the last 10 days in
New York City
think about that
four people
who have four families that don't have
to be on a video
no back to the speech thank you to the
rabbis robot him
for supporting this
extremely important endeavor
to the individuals responsible for
putting this event together
and for working on getting this
extremely important message out
so for background I'm Dr shimshi
Zimmerman Jason Zimmerman I am a trained
emergency medicine physician I work at
maimonides Medical Center
I am the medical director of Salah of
New York City
I'm not an expert in drug abuse or
addiction medicine
but there's very few people
around who see as many patients or
families or deal with enough cases in
the emerging time
that I do
thank you to everyone here
all of you sitting out there all of you
watching on video
for taking the time to come out taking
the initial steps to acknowledge that we
have a problem
to come together to work on preventing
and raising awareness to prevent any
future issues
my goal here is not as bad as that video
it's not to instill fear
my job here is to give testimony
that this message
and this problem is real
it's here in our community
it's here today
and it is killing people and breaking
apart families and communities
as an attending physician in the ER and
is not telemedical director
as a community member as someone
personally involved with unfortunately
numerous cases to refer organizations
such as safe
which I've only recently come to see
just how fantastic of a resource
this organization is
with a brother another Dr Zimmerman
who's a psychologist in the community
and so many members of the community who
are out there saving lives every day
we're here to try to help prevent the
problem that we know is unfortunately
inevitable
we're all here tonight and we are
literally saving lives
the first step in addressing any issue
we know is recognizing and admitting
that there is a problem
I'm not going to tell you that everyone
here has a risk of coming across someone
who's using drugs
who's abusing alcohol or has an
addiction
but it's likely so
we have to recognize and acknowledge
that our families our children are at a
risk and a higher risk than ever before
of being exposed to this
trust me when I tell you that I would
rather be here every night of the week
giving this speech over and over having
to have another conversation
on oddseller coal or in the ER and
explaining to a family why we were
unsuccessful in resuscitating their
loved one from a fatal overdose
it happens it happens too often
even one case is too much
we need it to never happen
unfortunately people have this
misconception that you have to have had
a traumatic childhood you have to have
been
an abused child
to turn to drugs or alcohol
let me tell you and I'm sure you'll hear
it over and over just the pressures of
going to school
potentially being bullied the pressures
of fitting into society pressures of
community
even having a friend that just wants to
experiment to try something for fun
can lead to a path of destruction
and a quick spiraling out of control
maybe it's just an extra drink
maybe it's a party for after finals at
school
it may even be from a prescribed
medication that a doctor prescribed from
an illness or an injury
it could have a tremendous potential to
escalate to wanting more to needing more
to wanting to experiment
we hear them all the time my friend
takes it as no problem and his life is
great
my friends are at a party
I'm not going to fit in if I don't try
they try it once
and if they survive they want to try it
again
we must break this pattern
we must intervene early on and that's
the goal of tonight
it's not just our children
it's our wives our husbands our parents
our siblings our friends our neighbors
our community members and our school
members
no one is immune to this disease
you would be very surprised that often
the pro the patient or the person with a
serious drug or alcohol addiction is the
one sitting next to you in a restaurant
or in school
smiling laughing
appearing to live a great life
going on vacation
do you know what he's taking to get that
smile on his face
how he needs to pop a pill just to get
out of the house
to inject their snort meds to get
through the day
unfortunately it's never as it seems
how real is this problem
I told you that that video
gave testimony of four heart-wrenching
stories
I think the people up on this stage
have thousands times that
the incidence of opioid overdoses has
increased dramatically between 1990 and
2017 and is now the leading cause of
injury related death in the United
States since 2009.
as you saw in the video and as I'm sure
other people will
talk about tonight
just the last three to four years has
seen hundreds and hundreds percentage
increases in the amount of drugs
and overdose coals that have been around
and we in this community in our
community are not immune from it
again I'm here to give testimony that
the problem is much bigger than anyone
in this room can even imagine
I'm not going to tell you that people
are dying every day in our community
from it but it's definitely a daily
problem
daily calls and all too often these
calls are critical
due to drug overdoses
our EMTs and our paramedics giving
intranasal or IV naloxone Narcan to
reverse opioid overdoses from Percocets
oxycodones oxycontins morphines and of
course Fentanyl
transporting patients unresponsive from
alcohol poisoning
Xanax overdoses
to dealing every day with just side
effects and bad reactions to ingestions
of stimulants
even marijuana or effects of CBD and
gummies some of which are now legal and
actively sold
dozens of calls last year for accidental
ingestions from children babies by
getting their hands on something that's
just left around the house
I promise you we would rather have zero
hatsilla calls and be very bored and not
drive lights and Sirens than to have to
deal with any one of these calls
just yesterday and this is not just for
tonight this is a real story
I worked in the ER yesterday for 12
hours
and I took over caring for a young
female
that had already been in the ER for 18
hours
and she was still not medically stable
or safe
because the drugs that she had taken
instead of an oxycodone were actually a
mix of Fentanyl and something called
xylazine which is an animal tranquilizer
she had received six doses of Narcan so
she can continue breathing
however Narcan does not reverse xylazine
and she remained sedated for over 24
hours up until today where she was
finally determined to be safe
xylazine is now known on the streets as
trink short for tranquilizer or Shrink
dope
just this Friday New York City
Department of Health put out an advisory
showing that 49 percent
of lab evaluated pills were actually
fentanyl when labeled as something else
and that's just here in New York City
I hope that being here tonight or
watching the live stream and listening
to the lineup of speakers and hearing
the presentations just gives you a
little insight
to how to recognize and prevent a
potential problem
as well as giving you information on
resources that you can reach out to or
pass along to anybody that you feel may
be benefit or receive assistance from
and of course a message that everyone
should know to call out Salah
immediately for any concerns or for any
potential overdose thank you
I'm going to invite Rabbi to come say a
couple of words
thank you Jimmy
it's very hard to speak after that
but I guess the first thing to say is to
thank God Salah
for all that they do
nobody wants to be in the hands of
hatsala
but we know that we feel safer with you
around so thank you and all the people
that are there day and night seven days
a week
and of course special thanks to Ike
Spike
to Jimmy
safe
is another type of had Salah but I think
there's one big difference between
hatsala and safe
and that is when people are in ahatsala
call
they deal with somebody who wants to be
treated
but safe I think
struggles
with getting people to want to be
treated
that's how sick
people are
that they don't even know they need to
be treated
the people on the stage could say a lot
more than I can
I guess my job here is tonight is just
to recognize their great work
and to appreciate what they do
and hope that nobody ever has to use
them
and I think that's why we're here
because they really want to go out of
business
you know this
battle this challenge
is actually not a new one
it was the first challenge of creation
very clearly spelled out
when the first Man was created
Hashem told him
don't eat
from that fruit
because when you eat from that fruit
you will die
and most people don't know this
but the first man was not created
in gun Eden
he was not in the garden of pleasure
the Torah reports he was standing
outside the garden of pleasure
but to get into the garden of pleasure
he needed to do one thing
he needed boundaries not to eat from
that fruit
we speak about people dying
but there are so many people dying that
are not dead
there are so many people that are
suffering that are still alive
people vaping
the people drinking
the drugs all different types of things
going on you don't have to die Adam
didn't die when he ate from the fruit
but he brought death into the world and
he brought pain into the world
they're all different types of death
that a person can experience
and that's our challenge today
our challenge today is to decide how we
make sure that we are going to live
that our children are going to live
they're going to live the highest
possible life of pleasure but that could
only happen when we have boundaries
without boundaries there's no gun ending
without boundaries there's no Garden of
pleasure in life
and the world we live in doesn't like
boundaries
it's a world where everything goes
every speech goes every person counts
doesn't matter who you are
the old is gone the new is great
There Are No Boundaries to what you
could say or do
and that's the world that we have
inherited and the world that we're
expected to succeed in
and that's why we're here tonight
and I think more than anything
what these people want from us is to
make sure that we
make a better environment for ourselves
and our children to make sure they
understand that we live with boundaries
we may have different kinds of
boundaries but we also have boundaries
there are things that we will not do my
father won't do that my mother will
never say that you know I heard once a
great man that said that in life you're
not measured by what you do
but you're measured by the things you
would never do
they are things that I would never do if
I did it even once
that defines me
imagine as an example I would get up
here and start cursing
you probably will walk out
but then I would say guys
you know I haven't cursed in 30 years
it was just once I don't usually curse
just came out of my mouth
I bet you'd be very disappointed
because I'm not supposed to talk like
that
a person is not defined by what they do
they Define by by what they would never
do I would never cross that line that
defines me I never do that and I think
if that's the case we all have to make
sure that in this world where there are
no boundaries that we all have our
boundaries and when people see us
especially our children
especially our students
they too will understand there is no gun
Eden without boundaries
so again
thank you thank you for having us
tonight I know Joe told me they are
thousands of people listening here I
know we're going to be helping a lot of
people
that will never come to your office that
will never come onto an ambulance those
are the people that we're trying to help
tonight thank you very much
unlike the seat filler at the Oscars it
was around each celebrity goes up Rabbi
Hayward
do you just call it celebrities
they shoot the rabbis that I hear
I'll tell you the truth usually when we
speak
I get excited to talk and get excited to
speak and share an idea and a thought
tonight after that video
I'm like depleted
but I still would like to share one
little idea one thought and before we
say that just like rabbi did
um Spike we're close for a very very
long time
and we watch you start safe and what
you've done with safe
and Jimmy your support was safe and your
being the backbone of what's safe is
this organization is a gift to every
single one of us and on behalf of rabbis
is a gift to rabbis too because we don't
know how to deal with addictions not
drugs not alcohol not any other type
gambling or any addiction like that and
we need you as our goalies
so to speak to be able to handle what we
can't and to have an address and a phone
number that we can call and say there's
this kid is this boy does this family
handle it
really makes our job so much easier
it's no secret that my family is needed
a lot in the last three months
and the work you've done
and the diligence that Salah has
and the dignity
and the class that you bring to
literally every single call
is as the rabbi said before
it's never fun when you have to call Hot
Salah
but it's actually beautiful when they
arrive
and here's my little thought
it was compared before to car accidents
and just like car accidents there's a
lot of car accidents that can never be
avoided
there are many times
that something happens that's completely
not in the driver's control it's the
other driver's controls the conditions
something else happened that the driver
had literally no control over
but in many cases maybe even most cases
of car accidents there is something we
could do
and something what we could have done
and that's why when our kids get a
license we talk to them about using
their seat belts and not speeding and
driving carefully and following
instructions and understanding the signs
and what they mean because they can't
guarantee their safety
but it raises the odds dramatically
so I want to give you an idea that I
think raises the odds dramatically of
you helping your son and daughter
from this challenge
and that is that parenting has changed
in the 50s and 60s parenting for members
of our community members of the
religious Jewish World across the
country in the 50s and 60s parenting was
just survival
keep your job
stay in a home
have a house and don't be evicted
in the 70s and 80s as we got our legs
beneath us
many of the parents were children of
either Holocaust Survivors or War
veterans and what became the mode and
the focus of being a great parent was
discipline and many people in this room
remember their parents were
disciplinarians and that's what it was
about and this is my word and that's
what I said and the reason you do it is
because I said so
and then we started to watch
as kids slowly started to fade you'd
have a boy in this family a girl and not
family that family that was perfect the
other family that was completely
religious you'd watch kids all of a
sudden lose the path
and in the 90s and 2000s parenting
became about love and all of a sudden
even the teachers in schools and the way
parents were all hugging their kids and
caring about them and I love you and I'm
there for you and I'm caring so
parenting went from survival to
discipline to love
and all three of those concepts are
incredibly relevant today everyone still
is in survival mode children still need
incredible amount of discipline and they
definitely need your care and your love
but in the last 10 years
parenting has changed
and there's a new quality that every
parent needs to bring for every child
whether they're two years old or 40 or
50 years old
what your children need now
is to be understood
they need to feel like you get it
because the challenges of 40 years ago
was physical burdens our kids today
don't have that many physical burdens
all of what they're carrying is up here
and they need a mother and a father not
just a mother and a father that gets it
and understands them and spends the time
and puts in the energy to get what's on
their mind what are you struggling with
what do you like why do you like it why
is that a struggle so many parents
especially busy ones come home and see
their daughter care about something or
their son if there's a bunch of nonsense
and you'll come up to your cage you're
like who cares about the Rangers it's
useless the point
and you make comments like that and you
make lines like that and it to a
daughter will be jealous of his
classmate and you're like who are you
jealous of other kids who cares about
that we're blessed it's nonsense to
worry
and you don't realize what you're doing
to your child
as your kid ever told you
you lived in the olden days
what they're saying to you is you don't
get me and because of that I have no
plans of ever getting you you don't
understand me so why should I spend time
in understanding you you don't know what
I'm dealing with you don't know my
struggle you don't know my joy you don't
know what I appreciate you don't know
what my friends are thinking about you
don't understand what it feels like to
be a child in 2023 if you don't get me
why should I listen
and I'm going to give you one little
example from the Torah and conclude and
leave it to the professionals
wanted to bless his son esav
and he blessed him
and he said I'm going to bless you if
you go and get me meat
could you imagine that yes one of the
most perfect people to ever live
do you think that he cares about meat
imagine if you went to Israel yourself
he said I need a blessing he says I need
a steak first
because meat was in his mouth what does
that mean
the answer is this
is appreciated meat because he knew
that's what his son appreciated
and if that's what you like and that's
what you care about then I'm gonna show
you I appreciate that too
last night
I spoke in Lakewood New Jersey
to 600 parents that are very yeshivish
and very very religious
and one father came running after me
after the speech he said Rabbi my son is
16 years old
and I don't know what to do he's on his
iPhone he never stops he loves music
I said you know what you need to do you
need to learn music
and appreciate his music and ask him
questions your kid is a sports fan ask
him why they what what happened tonight
how'd the Knicks play what round are
they in how is it going
your kid's listening to a song take an
airpod it doesn't have to become one of
them and be exactly like them and get on
the floor with them but you need to get
it I need to know what they're
struggling if they feel like you
understand them then they will want to
understand you so the goal of tonight is
to be a parent that gets it knows the
struggles knows the challenges knows the
what knows the why understands what
motivates them and what makes them tick
because parents that don't in so many
years of being involved with your
children I can't tell you how many times
when you look around and you say does
this parent even understand you
literally left a empty house on
Thanksgiving weekend and you have no you
can't imagine what your son is going to
do there you think they took the empty
house to learn gamara like what are you
thinking what are you thinking when
you're son is hanging out with those
friends and your daughter's doing going
to those places you need to know what's
happening in those places you need to
know what's motivating them what's
inspiring them what gets to them what
draws them and what creates the struggle
nothing guarantees safety the only thing
that guarantees safety is God
but we can change the odds and we could
give our children a better chance
and children that come from a home where
both the mother and the busy father
spend time and energy to get them
appearance and children that have a much
better chance of getting their parents
and following exactly what you want and
having the confidence and the courage
when they're put in that position to say
no thank you
okay we're going to move into question
and answer for Dr Perlman
oh I'm sorry I'm wrong actually I'm
going to introduce Dr Akiva Perlman to
address
then we're going to go into question
answer
wow
I thought I came to share some ideas
but clearly my soul was craving hearing
some more meaningful ideas
and that's where God placed me an
opportunity to learn to observe for some
great people
wow
the one thing I know when I saw that
video
I made sure I watched a few minutes of
it I got the general gist of what it
would be and I said I want to watch it
with everybody so I didn't see the whole
thing by myself but I know like most of
you for those who are here without your
children all I wanted to do was run home
tell my kids how much I love them give
them a hug them give them a kiss tuck
them in properly and just tell them that
the world is safe and the world is good
which it is to a large degree
and so deeply appreciate what the rabbi
just said that there's no way to ensure
safety there isn't just the other day
the early morning
and literally the car right in front of
me was literally four o'clock in the
morning a car in front of me is driving
down the road and some drunk driver is
coming in the other direction
and thank God this man survived
unfortunately the drunk driver did not
and that's just a guy driving on his way
driving on his way to work his way to
shul whatever it was and those are
things that we cannot control
but we do have a lot more control and I
think it's really important for us to
walk out of A Moment Like This Feeling
empowered as parents not disempowered
feeling like we have the ability to make
a difference which we absolutely do when
you start breaking down the statistics
between children who've had the
opportunity to be raised by parents who
are willing to have some really tough
conversations which what tonight is
ultimately about especially for the
parents who brought their children like
I hope it's really my wish that the
drive home is going to be somewhat
uncomfortable because hopefully we'll
introduce you to some questions that we
should start discussing with one another
and this moving forward having these
conversations I assure you are not
comfortable
at all
but they're necessary they're necessary
to have because we know this
statistically that if we do have these
conversations and if a child does have
does have live with the belief that I
could turn to a parent and ask them some
challenging questions questions that the
child themselves know my parents do not
want to answer they don't want to hear
these questions from me if children have
that belief that I can ask the question
they're much more likely to remain in a
safe State and their children do not
then they're like literally it's a blade
of grass in the wind we're not quite
sure what their fate is going to be
almost always when you speak to people
who've battled their way through some
really challenging years in their lives
you ask them repeatedly was there
someone there discussing your inner
world with you like the rabbi just said
your struggles with you
almost always the answer is going to be
not at all they weren't there I was
alone
and that tells us something about that
story simply empowering ourselves to
have some really difficult conversations
which is ultimately what we're going to
turn to becomes the focus fear causes us
to freeze when you watch a video like
that it like really to some degree it
inspires us to say we need to do
something and Fentanyl is a different
Beast it's a different conversation
altogether it's not something that we
had in years past where by and large
there was a trajectory to death in drug
use you started somewhere you often
started with alcohol then you made your
way to pot possibly cocaine some
psychedelics you'd move your way into
the painkiller world and find your way
to heroin often that could take five to
ten years and it's a slow progression
into that place with many many warning
signs when dealing with fentanyl
fentanyl is something that someone could
be using on entry-level use when it
comes to drugs and all of a sudden they
get a bad batch and there's nothing we
could do about it literally all you
could hope and pray for is that someone
catches them and provides the right
level of care for that individual and
that's a terrifying thought it's a
debilitating thought trust his parents
and yes we need to pray we need to pray
for their well-being but we need to go
well beyond that which is how do we
Empower them to start having some very
challenging dialogue with us and with
them
so I hope tonight we get a little bit
more comfortable with the discomfort
we'll talk about some of the dialogue
that we could have and I want to talk
about two objectives before we get to
some of the questions number one when we
speak about overdose and we speak about
death we just want to talk a little bit
about those people I spend most of my
day listening to the struggles that
these individuals have and I'll be
remiss of me to not share some of that
with you so we at least understand who
they are and what they're going through
especially from a an addictive
perspective but then most first and
foremost we want to talk about what
these conversations could and should
ultimately look like
fentanyl is a real threat and it's it's
a different threat than what we're
accustomed to but I want to start with a
a
funeral that I was at at a dear friend
of mine a few years ago I got that call
that fateful morning and it was someone
that struggled for many years he was
someone that I went to high school with
he would sit right to my right in most
classes some of them right behind me
we'd share notes and make funny comics
to one another it's got some great
stories we could talk about
but then there he was I got that call
and it was a graveside funeral which
like was said before many of the events
many of the losses within our community
are often not discussed as losses the
way they actually present themselves we
call them other things because there's
so much shame and it's far from me to
look at any parent and say you should be
more honest and more open about what
happened to you the shame that someone
carries is profound and for them to
retain their dignity I understand but
just know what's happening on any given
day on average around 200 people in this
country are dying is a direct result of
fentanyl forget about any other drug so
certainly within our community itself
when I reach out I serve on the board at
a mudim I reach out to speak luck within
the last year within our community that
we're largely familiar with we had over
a hundred deaths that and again most of
us will say well I didn't hear a hundred
times that's not something I'm familiar
with but then scan your mind and say
what did you hear was it an aneurysm
what it was something else something
sudden that didn't quite make sense in
order to preserve some degree of dignity
and of course there's some people who
are familiar with what happened with
what the real story ultimately is
but I'm standing there at this funeral a
graveside funeral because there was so
much shame it was just friends close
friends and family and everyone was
talking about how beautiful this young
man was and he was he had a very
sensitive tender Soul like many addicts
do one of the things you'll read Shea
style writes about it in in one of his
books the god of our understanding where
he said that addicts in general are more
sensitive than most and it's as a result
of that sensitivity that they can't live
in the the toxic nature sometimes of our
world they want to find a way out of it
a way to a more peaceful existence so to
speak a one where they could control the
Fate as opposed to being controlled by
the reality itself
but on my way back I was sharing the
experience with my wife and I said there
was one thing that was absent from this
funeral
that nobody there at that funeral asked
the question why no one said how did
this happen how did this happen to this
young man and the reason being that
everybody there was witness to his life
everyone there saw him struggle
academically everyone there saw him
struggle socially and like Dr Zimmerman
said before it doesn't have to be this
profound trauma that a person lives with
but just the everyday life with a
sensitive Soul it hits a person a little
bit differently they process it
differently they experience it
differently and as a result of that
there's a need to flee there's a need to
run there's a need to numb to get away
from that experience itself
there's a wonderful researcher Dr Gabor
mate and he said addiction is not the
problem he said human suffering is the
problem the fact that people are having
a hard time in their life like the rabbi
was saying so beautifully before that
our the kids are involved in their own
world the same way we were when we were
teenagers by the way and the same way we
didn't necessarily share all that
information and he said what we need to
do is gain access to that particular
information in the Harvard center for
the developing child it talks about
suffering in early childhood and where
that comes from and how that ultimately
manifests later on just a quote from one
of their studies says suffering causes a
change in people's comfort-seeking
behaviors Comfort seeking patterns when
someone is hurting and we all know this
when there's a sense of discontent we're
in some type of struggle some type of
fight with another there's a need to
engage with another person we're looking
for some degree of comfort in order to
soothe and soothe that pain that we're
feeling so we have to shift a little bit
of a perspective we often get angry at
the people who are suffering in this
manner we're getting frustrated with
their behaviors and we need to start
looking at a little bit differently
which is that the drug use itself for
these individuals is their solution it
is a very poor solution it is a solution
that will never work in the long run but
in their mind it is their solution and
until you find a way to access that
person and the pain that they're they're
feeling and seeking to express we're
going to have a hard time in treating
them I remember there was a I was at a
meeting once my 12-step meeting for
people in recovery and if anyone who's
ever been it's a wonderful place to
visit I always send my students just to
go I said you can't recommend a program
until you've actually visited yourself
so you understand what the felt sense is
like and I'm walking into that room and
there was a lot of hugging for anyone
who's ever seen it they hug when they
walk into the room they hug after they
sit they say the Serenity Prayer there's
a lot of love that's going around and
this is often amongst people who saw
each other the day before they're that
committed to their life of of health and
recovery and growth that they're they're
a part of this program the same way we
see each other and true every day but
when we go to school every day we're not
hugging each other maybe a fist bumper
or say hello to someone but certainly
not like a full-out hug I missed you man
I love you so I remember asking this guy
what is that about why why is there so
much touching so much hugging and he
looked at me with a little glint in his
eye he was an old timer and he said
we're making up for old time son we're
making up for lost time this is not
something that we had this is not
something that we implicitly know inside
of us and as a result of that we're
seeking it today so when we talk about
Solutions what do we do how do we
prevent something like this it is making
sure that no individual certainly within
our personal orbit could possibly live a
life where they would have to say to
somebody else to a stranger that we're
making up for lost time that they we
would be there for them we would
understand them we would know their
inner World enough that we don't have to
be curious about it or wonder too much
about it and if they're going out with
their friends there isn't a thousand
questions on our mind as to what could
they possibly be doing because we've
already had some of those discussions
with them prior
I still remember just one more story
because this man had such a profound
impact on the way I see this whole
phenomenon all together it was early on
in my career and I was learning a little
bit about drug use and why people do it
and how to help them get off of it and I
had this this client of mine he was
homeless at the time using heroin as we
know is at the top before fentanyl came
around heroin was the number one killer
that we had now it's number two in the
world of drugs and he's using heroin and
I knew nothing of heroin I didn't know
what it was like I knew what it was like
in the textbooks they told me what it
was like but the experience of it I
couldn't relate to so I asked this young
man like just please describe to me what
is it like you take a needle you inject
it into your body and it happens
automatically basically within seconds
you're really really high explain that
experience to me and my assumption was
he was going to talk about how it felt
in his body how it felt in his even in
his emotional world
and he went in a very different
direction he said when I use this I feel
as though the whole world is hugging me
I feel embraced I feel as if I'm
complete and I'm whole now who would
make a statement like that you'd have to
know this young man's life to understand
that there weren't other characters
there weren't other people in his life
who were able to provide that for him
and in the absence of that he went out
looking for it he went out seeking
something that would give us the feeling
that we're all deserving of there's no
one I know that's not deserving of care
and attention and affection and love and
acceptance everyone is even when we make
mistakes especially when we make
mistakes when we're sitting in that
place of Shame and and discontent within
ourselves it's precisely in those
moments that we need someone to come
over to us and remind us to restore us
to our own sense of self and humanity
and that's what we're looking for
I met with parents today
and they were discussing their child
who's accustomed to throwing fits when
our needs are not met she's a young
young woman she's up 13 years old really
struggling for years if something
doesn't go her way she throws a tantrum
it doesn't matter where it is in the
streets in her house and I remember
asking the question the parents one
fundamental question what is it that
she's seeking to convey to you what's
bothering her what is it that's
impacting her on the inside that she
doesn't know how to express that it
manifests in this fit what is it what's
bothering her and they both looked at
each other and they said like we're too
overwhelmed and concerned with trying to
manage the situation that we don't know
the answer to that question and we spoke
about as much as we possibly could ways
to try and figure out what's going on
within that person
and until we could answer that we remain
in the dark from helping these
individuals they're largely inaccessible
to us
so when a kid and and we know this there
are plenty of parents and I know it's a
hard thing to say but there are plenty
of parents even within well probably not
within this room they're probably not
here hopefully they're online but there
are parents who themselves have are
struggling through this they're not
really quite sure I asked some people
before I got here obviously I know the
community well enough but I still want
to get the numbers from the people in
the community what's the percentage of
even parents who themselves are dabbling
in this type of way which again let's
just acknowledge makes it really
complicated to have a meaningful
dialogue with your child when you
yourself are kind of tormented it's
called cognitive dissonance it becomes
really hard for you to tell your child
we don't do certain things when when
your child is not around and not looking
you yourself for engaging someone it's
something that makes it really really
challenging for a person so people ask
you know what are the signs what are the
signs that if someone is struggling
someone's having a hard time what does
that look like on the outside be it
physical spiritual social what does it
look like now the truth is for every
substance there's a different sign you
have substance that are referred to as
uppers and a person is going to be very
jittery a lot of energy there's almost a
manic quality that comes along with it
and then you have downers that are
somewhat lethargic and kind of peaceful
and calm but not very attentive slurring
words things of that nature but the more
meaningful feature to look at which
requires a real relationship is
understanding your child's baseline or
not only your child but we're talking
about loved ones spouses husbands wives
parents sometimes understanding their
Baseline to understand the way a person
is on a regular Tuesday how do they feel
Shabbos are they stressed are they
comfortable are they relaxed and all of
a sudden if you know someone's Baseline
then you can start evaluating what
happened what was the shift what was the
change I noticed that there's a dramatic
change in the way that you're behaving
to me it's much more important to look
at my child was doing really really well
in school and then something happened
and all of a sudden they started to tank
but at least you knew that in the
beginning they were doing well and then
something bad happened so then you could
reflect back and say I'm losing sight of
my own child I don't know exactly who
you are and what happened obviously I
wouldn't use those words you always want
to remain accessible and available to
your child but it's it's not so much
about looking at the signs and the
symptoms of this is what it looks like
when a person's on drugs they talk about
eyes being dilated or not but rather
it's knowing your child knowing the
Baseline of your child how are they
generally how do they generally respond
to you how do they generally respond to
Authority how do they speak about their
friends and their relationships when
they were when they go out do they
generally tell you what they're doing
and now all of a sudden that's changed
dramatically and there's a lot of
secrecy and there are other things this
requires a relationship and like the
rabbi was saying I couldn't say it any
better the only way to engage in a
relationship is to take that initiative
to take those steps and to start asking
questions that are a little bit
challenging for us I know he was sharing
a story I remember a rebbe of mine where
I myself as an adolescent struggled a
great deal I left religion even for a
period of time and then slowly made my
way back and there was one rebbe in
particular who helped me come back to
that place and I remember I was working
at a program called the living room
which is a recovery center and one day
my rebby his son walks into the program
a full-blown drug addict really really
struggling and I remember the roles
completely shifted there I was working
with his son and he's reaching out to me
saying could you give me some guidance
what do I do
and and I remember in my mind thinking
back at what did my Ruby do for me
how did he access me as a person and
remember just reflecting that back to
him and saying how did you find a way to
reach me and I said I assure you it was
not in the base measures it wasn't in
the school it wasn't over to Fila I said
it was somewhere else I said if I
remember correctly it was probably some
pool hall in Bend Yehuda in Israel at
the time I said that's probably where
you came to reach me and I said when's
the last time you played pool with your
son when's the last time you did
something that was accessible to him not
just what's comfortable with you and he
stopped and he said I don't think you
realize how hard this is for me I've
spent my entire life doing this for
other people's kids I don't know how to
do it for my own I just don't he goes
with you I could go it's easy because I
see you as somebody else it doesn't hurt
as much with my own child when I see
them struggling it's just really really
hard for me to access them
but that's our role that's our job and
it's a world that we don't quite
understand I'm having conversations with
my kids the other day just just the
other day my daughter used a term I had
no clue what it was but the first thing
I did was like get online and try and
figure it out turns out I'm not a Swifty
it's a thing some people may know what
that is I had no clue what a Swifty is
but apparently Swifty's a thing and I'm
not a Swifty I think it's it's could
someone tell me someone knows you don't
know what a Swifty that's a Taylor Swift
fan I think right and she said like oh
me and my friends were swifties and I'm
like what's a sweet it's like a Swiffer
Sweeper or something that's where my
brain went and she's like no we like
Taylor Swift but then it was okay now we
need to listen to some Taylor Swift
songs because that's what my daughter
likes now will I like Taylor Swift I
assure you I'm well I can't assure you
but I probably won't I'm still stuck in
like the Pearl Jam years but but Taylor
Swift that's where my daughter's at and
that's where we need to reach her that's
where we need to find her in that place
because that's what they need the rabbi
said it so beautifully just this idea
that today it's understanding the needs
are met today it's really really hard it
used to be pretty simple to tell the
kids who had and the kids who didn't
have in the classroom there were the
kids who were dressed a lot better than
others and it was clear you could
differentiate but today we can't
differentiate the needs are met kids are
doing well thank God we're an affluent
Community we've done well for ourselves
so then we need to start thinking about
well what then are the needs it's the
needs of being seen the needs the
ability to express oneself the need to
be known the need to have somebody there
who understands you and now most of the
people that are understanding our
children are their friends much more so
than us and that means going to them and
engaging on that level and as a result
of that we could access them so I just
share a few thoughts number one we
really want to model good behavior that
needs to be when we're making active
Positive Choices for ourselves even as
adults
there was a you know friends asking us
to go somewhere and this happens even
with adults that it's not for us share
that story with your kid let them know
that there's a sense of pride in making
a good decision that that's what we do
as a family it's what we believe in now
could you inoculate your child to make
sure that they're only going to make
good choices absolutely not and is it
even necessary for kids to make poor
choices a hundred percent it is because
they'll discover something in that
process too they'll discover a part of
themselves in that process the goal is
not Perfection the goal is that they're
on a path where they know that there's
someone there that could help guide them
in the process having a child not having
someone that that's there for them that
they could talk to is is Criminal at
this point and the closest people that
to them are us and we need to find a way
to get gain access to that there's a
concept called delayed gratification
delayed gratification if you look at the
research is there's something that I
would like there's something that I want
to do but instead of getting it
immediately I'm going to wait a little
bit and I'm going to prepare for it I'm
going to look forward to it there's
something today we're not living in a
world where there's a great deal of
delayed gratification everything is
immediate even when it comes to food
which is wonderful we're all we're all
just appreciating that reality just get
on your phone and it's there 20 minutes
later it's a wonderful world that we
live in with all the luxuries that we
have but when you look at the statistics
on just showing delayed gratification
especially when there's a child who's
put into a situation where all of their
friends and when I say all of their
friends I really mean it they're in an
environment where all of their friends
are doing something it becomes nearly
impossible for them to see this is not
something I'm going to do I'm going to
join the crowd because that's what
generally what we do but if we show them
somehow through our own experience that
we ourselves could delay that reality
that we could hold off on even on the
things that we would like not because
we're showing them that we could suffer
but we're showing them without that if
there's something we enjoy we work
towards anticipating appreciating it it
gives them the power to say I could hold
off a little bit it'll give me a moment
to think about this to contemplate this
decision and often it's in the moment
which leads to another idea that I know
there's a lot of a lot of questions and
thoughts about could I introduce these
ideas if I introduce a topic to my kids
I might be harming my child I mean I'm
sharing something with them that they
don't already know now there are certain
psychological ideas that it's not
beneficial for you to introduce it to a
child but I'll share those ideas that's
talking about suicide in a very
particular way it's discussing cutting
it's discussing Eating Disorders if you
know that they're not describe they're
dealing with that at the time so there
are a certain phenomena where we could
say you shouldn't necessarily be
proactive talk about it to your children
unless you know that it's there already
there's a struggle but when it comes all
the data shows when it comes to talking
about prevention with drugs with alcohol
with poor decision making with good
decision making that rule does not apply
to this issue the more kids are educated
the more kids know the more kids are
informed the more a kid could say hey I
know that that's just a pill or that's a
line of cocaine but my I just saw a
video or I just read an article which
said that there might be some fentanyl
on it the more empowered that child is
to make a good decision they need that
information and the best person they
could get it from really is a parent who
knows them well who understands them
well and that might mean going to Google
or chat CPT and saying I'm about to have
a really tough conversation with my kid
about drugs could you give me somewhat
of a script I actually put this into
chat GPT it came out with a great script
so go with that just go on go on that
that site and and they'll give it'll
help you out with that
the next one is establishing and stating
clear Family Values there are certain
statements that we make that are this is
what we do this is what we try to do
this is what we aspire to be this is
what we stand for my parents they taught
me that that a certain there was a rule
that I grew up with in my home it didn't
really work so well but it's something
that I I held on to there was a
statement that perlmans don't lie there
was that statement now we lied I lied
it's something that we did but I the
reality of hearing that that there's a
value of we don't lie or we aspire to
not lying that shapes a person it gives
them some form of identity and you need
to start asking ourselves real
meaningful questions like what does our
family represent what do we mean what do
we stand for and having open discussions
about that for parents to tell a child
that I myself was faced with something
and because there's a value that I hold
dear to myself I chose not to do that it
instills that child with that particular
value or even if it's the opposite and a
parent is let's say brave enough and say
you know what I didn't necessarily have
that value and I was faced with a
situation and I did make the bad choice
but it's something that I I've regretted
and I thought about and I chose
afterwards to go in a different
direction that also establishes a value
it's a challenging more nuanced
conversation to have but establishes a
value about who we are about what we
believe in what we believe to be right
and wrong in the world and instead of
getting it from somewhere else they're
going to hear it from you you want to
engage them in the struggle we need to
know that it's a real struggle for them
when you're talking about let's say at
this point 40 percent of high school
students by the time they graduate or
have experimented with drugs generally
speaking that's the case that means
that's a part of their lived experience
they're faced with that reality and if
we only look at it from the point of
view of no that's not what we do and we
don't talk about the challenge of being
in that moment and what it's actually
like for them then we're not engaging
them we're speaking down to them or at
them we're not sharing in that
experience with them
as was said before you're showing
interest spending time trying our best
and it's hard to say this one here I am
tonight my family's home you know trying
our best to have to spend dinner
together to do things that represent
where a family where a unit
um and and we do things together
I want to see her just end with this one
study and and I think it it Paints the
picture for what how we need to respond
as a community but when you look at
studies back in the 60s and 70s about
drug use and addiction and overdose and
what it was all about
they they all painted to one study they
would take a rat they'd put the rat in a
little cage and they'd give the rat a
lever and you press the lever then all
of a sudden you get alcohol straight
into your bloodstream or other drugs
whatever it might be and what they found
over time is you leave this rat in this
cage with this lever and access to the
drugs they'll keep pressing it usually
to the point where they're going to
overdose and what researchers learned
from at the time was that if you give
someone access to a drug it's going to
kill them that was their conclusion
they're going to keep pressing that
lever they applied that to humans they
had this one researcher Bruce Alexander
came around on the late 70s and he
challenged this idea and he said well
maybe the issue is not that there's a
cage and a lever and the drug and they
keep pressing it maybe the issue is that
they're isolated they're alone they're
in this little cage by themselves they
have no other rats to hang out with I
know this sounds weird already but
whatever we're going to go wrong with it
we're running with the analogy they have
no other rats to hang out with there's
no one else to interact with you can't
have dinner with anybody and yet they're
they're gonna in in that moment in those
set of circumstances they're going to
press it until it kills them so he said
let's recreate this whole thing and
instead of isolated cages we're going to
build a community and he called it rat
Park and everything was the same they
had the same levers they had the same
drugs they had the same everything
except that they were together as a
community there were other rats to hang
out with to play with whatever you do
with rats whatever RADS do and what they
found in those and they've done many
many different variations of this two
rats at a time at tons of different
types of drugs that they ran and that
those set of circumstances none of the
rats kill themselves none of them went
to that lever and said my life is not
worth it it's time to go they never went
there largely because they had something
else protecting them and when you think
about this community all you need to do
is walk into this building walk into the
shul at any time of day and see its
vibrancy see it sense it that we're
alive we take care of each other we're
interested in one another to create a
sense of we're doing this together and
we do that in our homes as well we don't
only do it as a community we create a
sense of we do this together as a unit
and we discuss things together even if
it's hard and you sit down when you get
home or you find time during the week
and you say I watch this really brutal
video and let me share it with you let
me talk to you about some of these
dangers and now I want to hear from you
what's it been like for you what has
come your way and it may be hard for you
to answer it at this moment but I want
you to know I'm interested I care and
hearing I'm interested in hearing your
side of the story so I could be there
with you it's not my intent to
completely save you it's my intent to be
a companion someone who's there with you
on that Journey so if you have a
question or a thought or can concern you
have someone loving that will look you
right back in the face and say I may not
be able to answer that question but I'm
going to do my research and I'm going to
figure it out and I'll call the right
people and I'll get that answer for you
just so that you don't have to be on
your own and that's the greatest
inoculation we have we can protect
people in every regard it's not possible
there's some crazy things out there and
Fentanyl is one of those crazy things
literally killing 200 people a day it's
crazy with no anticipation no lead up no
nothing it is just something that by
mistake someone gets and it's the end of
their life and what they didn't say in
that video is that almost all of those
scenes where they find those people dead
there's no note there's no anticipation
almost always there's a phone that's
right next to them they were middle of a
conversation with someone and they're
just gone and that's something that we
can't fully fully protect that's a
reality but if we Empower our kids
Empower ourselves to engage in that
meaningful dialogue with them we give
them the tools to begin to fight back
and fighting back is developing a voice
developing a stance developing an
approach developing a belief system and
that gives you the opportunity to live
well and ultimately what we're saying in
the best way possible is let's find a
way we already love our children that's
not being questioned whatsoever we love
a little bit more by challenging
ourselves to go a little bit deeper when
it comes to very very difficult content
and I just wish the soul a quick
blessing that we find that strength and
we find the love and care in our homes
to give over to our children and carry
out our own little version of our own
little well I don't want to call it a
rat Park our family just our own family
that is connected and together and
embracing one another and on a journey
in a meaningful manner I know we have
some questions so we're going to get to
David
[Applause]
given the late hour I'm not going to
formalize the question and answer period
so that if anybody has a question in
particular that they'd like to have
answered they can come up to the stage
and uh as Dr Pearlman directly or email
it to the safe and we'll make sure it
gets it gets answered I just want to
thank everybody that came out tonight
that helped with putting this night
together the rain shahabar Joseph
cabasso Diane Mission
everybody it's safe the Rabb in it for
having our back for being the wind
behind ourselves and you know just
really being a very willing partner in
this endeavor in hopefully
getting the word out and saving lives
making sure that our kids our loved ones
our family members are not partaking
callously casually in a drug that can
kill them
anyway thank you everybody
[Applause]