The Rebbi Workshop

Good afternoon. Good afternoon, Rabbi Tsai. Word of the day, matriarch. What's a matriarch? Abby, could you look up matriarch? Anyways, that's what happened in I did this as he but I'm just filling in. This is how the show began and here's the rest of it. A matriarch's like the head of the whole A man A male who does that's called a patriarch. A matriarch is a female. A matriarch means If it's a male, it's called a patriarch. A matriarch's This This This bachur's grandmother He was like the unquestioned leader of the family. She's in oilam haba. His zaida said to me, "What's with shidduchim?" No, no. What's with shidduchim? So he said, "I'm looking for bobby. What do you want from me?" "I'm looking for the baba." So his zaida, who's a quiet type of man, he was a quiet man married to a powerful lady. The zaida told him something brilliant. His zaida said, "You don't marry bobby, you build bobby." It's a brilliant zug. You're looking for bobby, you don't marry bobby, you build bobby. He was taking some credit, but it's brilliant what he said. It's not just brilliant, it's emes. It's true what he's saying. You're looking for bobby, you don't You don't marry You don't marry her, you build her. You marry a youngster and together you grow in your experiences. I feel like in a shul when they look for a rav, they hear about an established rav and they want like that Ario shul's looking for a rav, so they hear about like this big rav and they want to hire. I think it's a tremendous mistake. Now, I'm not promoting the rav has to be young, but he has to be young-minded that he's willing to make mistakes. It's not a good show To hire a rub who's set and you try to like become his show. There's no room for you and you have no room for him. The best thing is the show that makes the rub. They grow together. They grow together. It's much much better. They're much better off. You make mistakes and it might not even be the most experienced but he learns, you learn and together you manage grow up together, husband and wife. There's something called in the Tyro, it's called a shish and worm. The wife of your youth. You make certain mistakes together. You're both children. But you manage grow into each other. You become so deeply connected. That's the That's what a show should do for a rub. I told our guys, don't look for perfection. Don't have a certain rub as we want him. It would be a bad show for your show. Somebody who's like the established Now, I'm not so what an established rub can get a job. If he's not willing to start again, he shouldn't get a job. >> Wow. If he's not willing to make mistakes, to come to the sea river to figure out together. Grow up together. In such a case, I told them you won't hire a rub, you'll make the rub. It's reminiscent to me and I again, I'm not saying it's partial shaddai. But I hear in the words I say to rub, build your rub. Like work together where you become I say to rub, make him. Don't hire rub. I say to rub, build your rub. I was literally telling the guys in terms of hiring in a show. Don't hire rub, create a rub. I say to rub, manage manage these words. Build your rub. I think it's so you're so much more connected. You have a journey together. You figured each other out. He You You manage work through to some and that's I wanted to share this the the idea and I say working together getting managed building each other and I say her up. I want to I want to I want to share something else also with the word that's important to me and I see I re-came back and has found it near to Israel and I want to share this with the guys. We're so used to and the Yeah. >> [applause] >> I wanted to I wanted talk about this I say make for yourself a ready. We're used to as we go through school. So in ninth grade I show up Shaya and the school tells me you're in Rabbi so and so sheer. Then I got a 10th grade and they tell me okay this year you're in Rabbi so and so sheer. Then 11th grade now now I'm not knocking schools are amazing and the rebellion are the best in the world. I say you have to choose a ready. What I want to promote and I want to express I was talking to Yankel and I went on a walk this morning. I was talking about going to Israel. I want you to find a ready who's tired like like who who's tired who's a very good session means something to you and inside you like wow I knew there was MS out there. I say I'm not saying any wild make for yourself. Nobody writes that doesn't say the school's administrator makes a ready for you. Now say rebbi, be polite. And each year that you're in, rebbi, rebbi, rebbi, beautiful. But I say lecha rav. My dream for my own kids, what I found in Aris when Terrace is throw, and the rebbi was saying tire, and the tire was magical to him. It's like, I I I knew there was MS out there. Find a tire of find a rebbi living that tire, who's an embodiment, who the tire like when you hear the tire they're giving over, it resonates and it means something by you. There's some different stages in my life when I'm preparing for a Yom Tov, so I read different s'farim. I really ask myself what safer like when I read this, it like talks to me and it grips me. I see things that real that say something to me. That's my rebbi. Ase lecha rav. Find for yourself a rebbi, find something that grips you and means something to you. The next thing I want to say about this topic of ase lecha rav, of making a rebbi, when people hear when people hear shikul tire, when they hear things from a rebbi, they're they're very they're very afraid if they're not up to there yet. And also very afraid. They try to like it should it should fit things I know. Should fit things I know. Be willing to explore in places you don't know, and topics that don't that that are that let you expand. Ase lecha rav, the word rav means big, expansive. We're shaya to a lot more. Don't be afraid of something that's a little higher than us. We're shaya. We have big nishamas and we're shaya to expansion. The word rav means expansion and rav means rebbi. Ase lecha rav means don't be afraid of expansion. Don't be afraid of concepts that seem high, that seem like wow. Don't be afraid not to be up to there yet. There's a sogya of expansion. I say rab. Don't be stuck where we are. We're shyach to big things. We're shyach to big things, to very, very large things. I wanted to on this on this mishna say rab. I wanted to share I wanted to share a specific that we learned together, that we learned together. I'm going to get a from the brochos. If you could have the [music] brochos. The larger. Thank you. Thank you so much for thank you. I say rab. I'm talking about this topic, make yourself a rabbi. My father my father that described to me on a number of occasions, a few times. Can't say many times, but a few times my father described to me his initial encounter with the great rab shmuel evitz. I want you to understand rab shmuel evitz was the rab Yossi, if Write after it's over. I want you to hear this. Reb Chaim Shmuelevitz, the Mir Rosh Yeshiva, the Mir Rosh Yeshiva, Yossi, came from Torah royalty. Reb Chaim Shmuelevitz's father was a son-in-law of the Alter of Novardok. He was um Yeah, Reb Chaim Shmuelevitz's father was a son-in-law of the Alter of Novardok. >> Wow. He was um He came from Torah royalty, Reb Chaim Shmuelevitz. Reb Chaim Shmuelevitz was a massive gaon detorah, a tremendous gaon detorah, who from young ages was steeped in kedushas detorah, a tremendous gaon. A story just to bring out the purity, the godliness of Reb Chaim Shmuelevitz. A famous story, he was on the boat and they were running the Mir Yeshiva to Shanghai. And Reb Chaim Shmuelevitz was on the deck. And you have to picture people were very tumulted, so tumulted. Their whole world was up in flames. And they're they're going to they're going they're running away from the Nazis. Their world is in complete turmoil. And people were waiting A lot of people were seasick. They were waiting to see land. And somebody called up Somebody walked up from the bottom of the boat and saw Reb Chaim standing by the deck. He said, "Vu halten mir? Where are we holding?" He was asking like are we getting closer to the land? Like where are we up to? Do you see land yet? So he screams up to Reb Chaim, "Vu halten mir?" Reb Chaim Shmuelevitz was deep in thought and like interrupted his thought. He said, "Shmaitz Sedalad." He was chazering the sefer Shmaitz about the That's what he was doing. So "Where are we holding?" He said, "Shmaitz Sedalad. I'm in the middle." He was chazering. Amidst all the turmoil. He was hazering Shev Shmaitz Belpe. So, you understand you're talking about a tzaddik, a goan b'Torah giant. My father described to me on a number of occasions his first time meeting Reb Chaim Shmulevitz. My father was a youngster of 19. He said he wore some sort of jeans. I don't know exact pants, but it was not like Yeshivish clothing. He was an American kid. What? Who was the Chikin guy? My father. My tatta. He was an American kid, and he was coming to one pier. And he was coming to He was coming to the Mir Rosh Yeshiva. Now, by the external eyes, there was like a division that's wild. You have Reb Chaim Shmulevitz, a goan b'Torah, and my father's an American kid coming. Now, Reb Chaim Shmulevitz went on to be my my father's rebbe, his rebbe that he called his rebbe for life. Reb Chaim, my father had a tremendous care for and appreciation for Reb Chaim, and Reb Chaim for him. And what I want to express on a seudah chararah is the understanding that we're not out of things. We're shiyach to big things. I had the following story with my father. I was reading a publication, and I had my father in high school had a certain I liked tzaddikim gedolim. I liked big people. And I was reading, and I had that my father had a certain rebbe as a rebbe. I read about a Yid, and I figured out years I know what Yeshiva my father went to. So, I said, "Abba, you had this person as a rebbe. Like, tell me about him." He changed the topic. Said, "Ah, but he asked me something else." So, I I wasn't going to let him. So, I pushed him a second time. Abba, you had this Yid Maran Tzeh, you had this Yid as a rebbe, like tell me about him. He changed the topic twice. I like insisted, Abba. So, he told me he never spoke about him again in my life. He said to me, "We hated him and he hated us." That's what he said. We we he hated. Now, what Yeah. Now, what happened? What happened? I want to explain I want to explain now via. This year had come from Europe and his own he saw American guys he couldn't relate. They were following baseball and and they were American kids. He had come from a different world. He couldn't see hope in American kid and American kid couldn't appreciate him. And I want to contrast that with Rav Aaron Cutler who was a going but tired came to America and saw American kids and understood they have godless and they saw godless in him and he changed our entire country. And I want to say on a sale harab making yourself a rebbe is the understanding that you and I this this is just the truth or I have to say I'm a neshama neshama neshama neshama neshama's. We're shy to the biggest things in the world. A sale [clears throat] harab and from who we are from who we are Ari we're shy to the biggest things in the world. A sale harab is part of the sale is understanding that we're shy to the biggest things. Not to have a sense I'm not that I'm just we're shy to very big things. That's part of a sale harab is not having the sense I'm not shy. I There's so many areas this shows up and I want to say this to the guys on a very simple level and I mean on deeper levels too. I have seen youngsters see two people talking learning and they're like rapid fire like and I guess well I don't know anything. Don't look at things that way. Get the information and you too could speak. Get the information, understand. Sometimes people are talking fast, and talking in ways you get the information, you have what to say. Don't be in a shidduch timing. You're we're shaliach to Torah. We're shaliach to God bless the Torah. We're shaliach to Hashem. I say look at a rev, make yourself a rebbe. Part of making yourself your a rebbe is the understanding those things. My father and certainly the rebbe is a giant. You're you're you're going to Ari went to Eretz Yisrael and finding people of MS, but the awareness that I'm shaliach to that. That's part of a shaliach a rev. What I wanted what I want to say and claim, and I don't this is this I mean more this I mean in partial shot. I asked the kasho, what's a shaliach a rev? Build your rebbe with the you construct your rebbe? I want to say that the art of having a rebbe is a shaliach a rev. Build yourself rev. A shaliach a rev. I want to say when we know that we're shaliach to things, we're shaliach the building has nothing to do with him, to construction of self. I'm shaliach to big things. I'm shaliach to big things, really big things. A bocher just today this morning I was on the phone with somebody in Eretz Yisrael was describing their interaction somebody had been to Eretz Yisrael and was describing their interactions with Rav Yitzchok Meir Morgenstern, one of the gedolei hador. I'm not saying we're him, but we're shaliach to him. We have neshamos, we're shaliach and the guy was describing beautiful conversations that he had with the gedolei hador. The art of a shaliach a rev of having a rebbe is the awareness I am shiyach to big things. I want to express I was zocheh with a group of friends to learn a little bit once a week by by Reb Chaim Brim. Now, we were seeing a yid and experiencing a yid who's a huge tzaddik. He fasted the last many years of his life. Was a yid was was dovek ba'Hashem in unbelievable ways. The art of the rebbe is the awareness that we're shiyach to this. If it's just completely not shiyach, then what is it? What what could the rebbe tell me? How can I connect to this? How can I be inspired and impacted by this? We're shiyach to it. We're shiyach to the rebbe. There's a that Hashem tells Moshe when Klal Yisrael does the eigel, Hashem says, "Reid migadlucha. Leave your gadlus. Lech reid, leave leave where you are. Reid migadlucha. What I gave you was bishvil was because of the people. Our gedolim and our tzaddikim are not disconnected to to us. They come from us. They come bishvil Klal Yisrael. And Klal Yisrael is shiyach to who they are and what they have. So, I want to say in the words of Sefer HaChinuch says, "Do some ma'aseh, some construction." The construction's not on the rebbe. The construction's on yourself. Build yourself. Understand yourself. Do work on yourself to know that I'm shiyach to that. I'm literally shiyach. If you're moved by him, if you're excited by him, so then you're shiyach to him. Then you're shiyach to what he is, what he Again, it's big madregas, and we certainly are mechabed our rebbeim and look up, but we're shiyach to what they have cuz we're neshamos as well. That's part of the avodah of Sefer HaChinuch is to know I'm shiyach to the rebbe. I want to learn what you have. I want to learn by you. I'm shaikh to what you have. That's part of the avodah of asaylu rav. I want to continue on this mission of asaylu rav, but my dream My dream for guys here and going to Eretz Yisrael, we have that are yankers going to Eretz Yisrael. I want you to find a rebbe, but the rebbe who is avodas Hashem is like it means something to you. His Torah he says like whoa, this is I knew there was emes I knew there was a toras emes and it resonates by me and I'm interested what I want you to find asaylu rav. To do that, you also have to know you're shaikh to it. Otherwise, he's amazing. Asaylu rav, build yourself in a way that you're shaikh to this. What? We have an neshama to the madregas that he has. I don't want to say to get there. I don't want to say to get there cuz each person in their own way. To the gadlus that I'm seeing, to the loftiness that I'm seeing, I'm also shaikh to such a thing. If I'm not shaikh and Hashem puts tzaddikim in each door that give us a Pesach in our own avodah, but but I'm shaikh to the things he's giving over to the avodah. That's what it means that I'm shaikh to this. I'm also shaikh to rav. I'm shaikh to a lot. The The next thing the next thing Rebbi Shmuel ben Nachman says is k'nay l'cha chaver. Acquire a friend is is to have a chaver, to have a friend. It's interesting Maran when guys are in Eretz Yisrael, I always want to know who a guy is learning by and who the friend that he's going through the journey with. Who's the chaver? K'nay l'cha chaver to make sure to have friendship. Somebody that he's connected to, somebody he's working working through and growing through. There's um There's a line of There's a Gamara in the Darma that says is Darma Mecha Bura. Be careful of a Bura. She may have taste a tire. Tire comes from them. Part of the iPhone of steigen is together with a haver, two friends who encourage each other, who push each other, who support each other. Can they look at a haver? The last thing The last thing of Yeshua and Prachya says how they done this color Adam the carbs host. To judge people favorably. Donnis color Adam. Judge color Adam, every single person. How they done this color Adam the carbs host. To judge everybody favorably. Each person to see it's Adam's host. Now, I spoke about this and and I I want to express this done the carbs host. Listen, when we say to judge people favorably, Donnis color Give everybody the benefit of the doubt. So, the task is not just an art is not an exercise in how creative you can can get. You see a guy in the dorm do something bad and you try to get like very creative to not to not see it's, you know, to to come up the best possible story. My daughter went somewhere and a teacher This person was giving out scenarios and asking the girls to get creative. Like how could you see it? You You go to a room, David. You actually You know what What's those thing guys have their dorm rooms? The video is rings. What's that called? What's it called? Rings. So, they're watching the room and you see a guy come in the room, look both ways, and grab a snack bag and walk out. So, judge favorably. No, what's the story? How could you judge it? him. came in. He your snack bag. So, the this person was giving these scenarios in his home and asking the girls to come up with how really he was good. My daughter came home and she expressed frustration. She doesn't believe that's Don McAvoy's horse and I think she's right. It's not how unrealistic and how It's not an exercising creativity. That can't be what Don McAvoy Nachman says like her. That's not what Don McAvoy's horse says. How unrealistic you can be. Don McAvoy Nachman describes Don McAvoy's horse as a space that you hold people are really good. Don McAvoy Nachman says Don McAvoy's horse is a person has its sides horse in them. You're so taken when you hold of somebody, you don't need a work and I promise if you heard Mark had did something, you would instinctively say, "Okay, either you would say he he he regret he made a mistake. People make mistakes, but he's for sure done shover." Or you would naturally come up with shat them. I'm sure you misread the story cuz you hold of him. Don McAvoy's horse is not exercise how creative you could be. It's not like you smack Don McAvoy's horse is in a void to be so comfortable with self that you could then be comfortable with others and at that point that you see people as good and you appreciate their inherent goodness. You will naturally People are really good, it's true. Don McAvoy's horse is the deepest truth about people. I remember my son Manny if the last night of the Yeshiva, you're jaw dropped. Guys are speaking and guys you may have judged, you find out the guy's like a tzaddik. He told me he was a counselor in camp a couple of weeks later. He said it was difficult like he naturally saw good in everybody. They were like wonderful. He went from that night he couldn't see bad people. It was like you couldn't that does it last down the cup is not an exercise in creativity. Judge favorably come up with a good story. No, it's an exercise of reality. Maybe the best way of down the cup is to start holding yourself. Take away shame, start looking in a mirror and see how beautiful you're a good person or wonderful. That's the start of down the cup. Have we done this call the cup says call to me the call is yourself included cuz I don't think you call them even you. Cuz I don't think you'll see if you don't do call and do everybody but you done the cup call them everybody even yourself. The call to me I'm saying right now have we done this call who's call? Have we done this call them everybody even yourself. If you don't see good in yourself, you're not seeing good in anybody. Call the cup if you don't see good. If you see good in yourself by the time you're right. The by the time you're right that the way to come to love loving other people is to see yourself as an ashama. He says if you're aware I'm a soul, a beautiful soul, so then I'll naturally see others good. Said I'll at the point I relate to myself as a shamed body. So then he said the time you you're seeking time you're like a physical in that space there's separation. Where you see yourself the truth I'm an ashama in this world with a body with normal see but I'm a soul you see yourself you'll naturally love others. Have we done this call the cup is not an exercise in creativity. It's an exercise in truth. In the space you see an neshama. The stories of the Bardichever, crazy stories how he like was amazed by Yidden. Was not a place where he was like being extra creative where this brilliant mind he really held of Yidden. He saw the truth. And as such he was very impressed with neshama. He was dan es kol adam l'kaf zchus. He had a tremendous appreciation for neshama mamash. Mamash big appreciation for neshama. I was walking with a bachur recently. He was describing to me that he doesn't get halachas. He's working. He doesn't get it. He said I feel so close to Hashem. He was describing his relationship to Hashem. I was like I just needed him to talk more, say more, say more. It was like he was walking with the rebbe. Have we dan es kol adam l'kaf zchus is not an exercise in in trying and figuring out. It's an exercise in honesty. See the guy listening to you. Ben Shteiman from a Yid. The way he saw Hashem this bachur was something otherworldly. That is a Yid. A Yid is a big deal. That's dan es kol adam l'kaf zchus. Yeah. Hashem should give us deinayam for ourselves to see good in ourselves so we could dan others. We could see it in others as well. It's dan es kol adam l'kaf zchus. What's the line he says Reb Nachman says even a rasha? What does he say Reb Nachman? Even a rasha gamur. Yeah. He says even a rasha gamur you should see like a good side of him. See the shoresh and he says when you see it can you check that out? When you going to check that? Wow. It's amazing what you could find. Yeah. Can I see that? There's a quote There's a quote from Reb Nachman. He says for guys of Russia, he says, "Tzara l'chapes, you have to search the limbs of a taiv. You find a little goodness." But then he goes on. What's the next words? Can you ask for the next words after the taiv? He says from that he he like becomes that what you see. Reb Nachman says, "Nachie, since you found that goodness I said you relate it to that side of taiv. You say my side of taiv. You elevate him to that taiv. You taiv." What's the biggest impact you can have in another taiv? Nachie, the biggest impact you can have in another taiv in the world seeing his goodness. Don't have to do what you say. Don't say. Don't don't I say this. I nothing no no action, no taiv. The biggest impact on another taiv is my taiv. I see his taiv and through the taiv I manage then I say taiv. The biggest impact on another taiv. It's not the taiv. It's not the taiv. It's the taiv. Just the taiv. Just the What I want to ask the taiv is what small would I want help in? Is usually the assumption is these three statements come together. Now, somebody could say they're unrelated. I'm skeptical the statements are unrelated. What I want to ask the question is what is says and connect with them. And done is called them the first Now, and connect with are the two relationships in the journey. To have people bigger I say is the way to you relate to bigger. Connect with them is to have a friend who's an equal to go through it. What's done is called them the first. So, one possibility is just talking to people when somebody is a parent or relative. It's told that I say is relating people higher. Connect with them is the friend. Done is called them the first is the way in his positions of stature. Whether he's a parent or relative, done is called them the first. So, then it would make sense in the context of the statements. Towards your relative, I say connect with them is the equal. And to the one who's entrusted to you, done is called them the first. See them as special. See them as special. That's the topic. That would make sense the context. The other is what I saw one say for say Ari is that connect with them and I say what stops us from having relatives and stops us from having friends is but they have so many flaws is done is called them the first. Through seeing the type, one of the hardest aspects in relative and friends is to deal with their humanness. I say done is called them the first allows for I say connect with them. Done is called them the first. What? So, you would have to ask him to say that first. That's what you're asking? No, I'm just saying maybe we should start with like with your friends and then I should be done with them. Like start with them. That would make sense. That would make sense. That would make sense. But, the just to explain like why the three statements would go together, the the down the house would allow for that same and otherwise if I'm always critical so then there's no I say with That's a good question. Very fair. The is a funny lotion. The kind of what? I say where can I I did I don't know but I admit it needs work. The be kind of like you require what's this can I do you walk up to you take him out what's can I what's what's being expressed here? I say I don't think you say I say what's the what's the fair? Maybe you're saying but the rabbi you need to know your greatness and then you can be really good. We're shy of the big things. >> Great so that might be the Down the house if I'm done very good very good very good very good. Yeah. >> [snorts] >> It is later that feel that I started so late. Thank you.