The Rebbe's Father's Letter to His Son

okay all right ladies we're going for real it's really happening all right if you are tuning in online we are on location at the great iconic camp ganesro detroit with the you can make noise uh with the staff yeah of uh of the girls camp okay it is father's yard sight and the rabbit actually told us how to observe his father's yard site in a in a letter from matsutish above said clearly that you there should be a his father a gathering and that at the gathering what should happen is lila made to study and also la nadev to give to dhaka so we should you can follow it up by by giving to dhaka mite from his father's torah now that's difficult because if you've ever studied the rebe's father's torah it's very very dense that means every line is full of multiple references and meanings it's also very very technical you have to know a lot of kabbalistic terminology and background there's a lot of gematria and math and just sometimes adding up the numbers can be can make your head spin so it's not easy to learn that ab his father's tighter but that's what the rabbit said that abba said that the way to properly observe his father's yardstick is to learn from his actual torah now there's much much more of the rebbe's father's tata that was written that we don't have yet however we do have precious volumes of that of his father's toyota some of it i'm sure you know was smuggled out after the father's passing and that was much of it written in margins of the few books that the rebels father had while he was in exile written with ink that was prepared by rebecca khanna herself but there are also in addition to those writings there are letters that the rebbe's father wrote to the rebbe and the letters are not just hi how are you doing how's the weather the ladders are very very very deep torah from the rabbi's father so what we're going to do tonight we're going to learn a little bit just a taste i just want to give you an experience of the father's style we're going to learn a letter parts of a letter from the tadaba's father wrote to the rabbi on your owl of nissan that's his birthday sadiq that means that ebba was turning how old you do if you can't do that math and when you start getting into the complex gematria 36 and the whole letter is actually about the mystical significance of the number and it's like six pages long of deep kabbalah about the number 36 and specifically why the number 36 is connected to the idea of fatherhood um the the rabbit rabbitson were married in 1928 am i doing the right english date so this 29 so this letter is coming up to 10 years of that i've been the rabbits and being married and they don't have children yet now we try to avoid digging into personal family business and things like that obviously but i want to tell you something that ebba's father is writing to the deb clearly about the spiritual significance of being a father why this everything going on in the world and in that ebb is life right now is sort of coming together to be the perfect time for fatherhood and in the end of the letter that ebba's father clearly states i'm blessing that you and your wife should become a mother and a father okay so as much as we want to be respectful of that evan that ebertson's personal life and that of his father and that of his mother that his father is clearly talking about blessings for children to his son and his daughter-in-law who have now at this point been married for almost 10 years without children okay um so i just want us to have that in mind when we're learning this it's not just technical mystical concepts this is deeply personal it's deeply personal and obviously you could read it just and enjoy the kabbalah but this is an emotional letter of blessing and hope from a father to a child [Music] okay if that sets the mood adequately maybe let's just take a look so just to begin with everyone has i mean i don't know if everyone has a paper but there are enough papers that those who want to look in couldn't can look in yeah okay all right so the letter starts off that eva's father addresses his son meni yahuvi khavivi vyakiri my beloved son my dear son and also kalasi my my daughter-in-law yokota my dear daughter-in-law rabbit sinha today my son meaning yodaf nissan is the day that you are completing 36 years may you they be good long years pleasant years together with your wife my daughter-in-law shaha misper lame the number 36 has very special significance the dev is turning 36 so we're going to talk about the number 36. the who who muckered the cold nashomas israel and that is because the source of all jewish souls are the three patriarchs and the twelve tribes okay what is the three patriarchs and twelve tribes have to do with 36 3 plus 12 15 what does that have to do with 36 nissan and this idea of the three patriarchs in the twelve tribes is hinted to in the month this month that have his birthday all of this in the month nissan house nissan three patriarchs and twelve tribes and how's it 36. and this month nissan has another name in torah it's not called nissan it's called heidi the spring month okay so what's aviv aviv who all of base your base okay yeah that's how you spell aviv aleph base it's four letters olive base your base that's how you spell aviv aviv means the spring month it's another name for nissan okay aleph bass who is is the three patriarchs why is olive base the three patriarchs the simplest reason and i just want you to see here and appreciate how many layers there are to every detail olive base is the three patriots why because aleph is one base is two one plus two is three three patriarchs okay so far so good yeah all right so olive base is the three aves of base that are hinted to in those letters all of base smith which is the number three one aleph one base two one plus two is three but now watch we're going to go to another level the first of the three patriarchs is avraham and the third of the three patriarchs is yankiv so if you say avrom yitzhak yankev the beginning the first name the first letter of the first name is aleph and the last letter of the last name of rome yitzhak yankev is base so aleph base is not only the number three in gematria but olive base is the first letter of the first name the last letter of the last name of the three patriarchs so another layer of significance the auvs but gimmel now he gets another layer of detail of which means father which is spelled with two letters olive and bass which is the gematria three who ah you know you could get the number three with different combinations you could have alif alif alef or you could have gimmel why is it aleph bass see everything's precise everything is exactly precise so why we're trying to get the number three but why do we get the number three with an aleph and a base so he explains here is was special he was the giant he was uniquely great and in in in madras she's called the mash kaif the door what's it called the the top of the door his son yank of his grandcenter called the two door posts so imagine that the two door posts and avram is the top of the doorway we're meant to shout out by pasha's bay and the maddish parsha's body when it's speaking about practice boy you know what mitzvah is i mean there's a few mitzvahs but the corbin peso comparisons buddy yeah so over there when they did the corbin face they had to put the blood on the door so it speaks there about the idea of the doorway has three dimensions has the top and there's the two sides so avraham is the top and yitzhak and yankev are the are the two sides he says this is similar to kasich that in spheroids the sphere of kasir which is higher than khakhina includes within it in other words avraham being not only the first of the aves but the greatest of them includes within him the two other aves based on name itself starts with what two letters aleph base which hints to the idea of the three of us because avram sort of includes within him all of the others and that's why we use aleph base to total three because the way it's structured is you have the aleph of ram by himself with his special significance and then base yitzgen yankev who in a way are included within avram and that's why avram's name starts with olive base you following all this okay and this is just like the first five lines of the letter and it goes on and on and on at this level of detail and just when he explains one layer of significance he goes deeper to another layer of significance and the patterns just keep repeating and re-emerging in different ways it's just it's mind-boggling okay i'm just going to give you a little bit more here and then i'm going to skip around good bass okay so what's with the your bass we didn't say your bass yet we said aviv remember the month of nisan is also called aviv which is spelled olive base you'd base so we said that that we break it into two olive base is three the three of ace and then you have what's the other part your base which is we said remember 12 tribes and remember we're trying to make all of this somehow connected to what number 36 very good okay so he says your base is johoda binyamin because after the ten tribes were exiled the tribes that remained was yehudah and yohode in benjamin is what letters your base okay um so they represent all of the schwattner and then i'm going to skip a little bit further down the page where he says with the beginning of the good base russia is that your base 12 which is the 12 tribes is your base is yohuda bin yaman because the two tribes that remain behind represent all of the tribes the three patriarchs are patriarchs to each of the twelve tribes eem kane who give upon your base shalom now there's your 36. did you follow that i didn't follow it the first time either how am i getting 36 from aviv from olive based good base i'll explain to you and if you understand it you can understand the function of a father and the role of a father maybe it'll make you more impressed with your father a father has to view every child as an only child you know there's a story a guy told that i don't understand what happened i gave all of my children the same education and somewhere i was successful with and others i wasn't successful that ebba said that was the problem you can't give every child the same education yeah every child is unique so a father who has let's say 12 sons like the aves have the 12 tribes each of the three of us follow this are showing up uniquely with a unique relationship for each of the 12 tribes so it's not three always plus 12 tribes it's not three plus 12 which would be 15. it's three times 12 which is because avrom had to have 12 different modes of being in order to relate to each of the 12 tribes yitzhak as a father had to have 12 modes of being to relate to all 12 tribes and and yankiv had to have 12 different modes of being to relate to all 12 tribes so each of the three objects are showing up in 12 different ways so they can have a unique relationship appropriate to each of the 12 tribes so now you have 3 times 12 36 okay now i want to tell you another thing that eva's father starts talking about obviously we're talking about the idea of fatherhood already the relationship between a father and a child so now that his father says that lam involved that 36 is the number of mother and father not just father but mother and father a husband and a wife who have children and become mother and father where do you get that from because there's another way to break down la medvov 36 divided by 2 is 18. 18 is a famous number that's when your aunt writes you a a check for your birthday it's always 18 right what's 18 kai so two times high means that the mother comes with her highest with her vitality her energy her motherly energy a father the husband comes with his masculine fatherly energy and you have a mother and a father each with their potential to create life they get together 18 high plus 18 high mother and father together what do they create a child which is represented by the number 36. the rabbit's father also says that this is the idea of that's an expression from from telum by art to in the life of the in the land of of the living it's not it's plural two lives the the life that the father contributes the life that the mother contributes and that's the 36. okay now that his father starts speaking about the fact i'm sure you've heard this idea before that there are three general categories of blessing that a person requires heard this concept before blessings of family blessings of health and blessings of livelihood money sustenance okay so here he explains that these three categories of blessing are right left and center in kabbalah we speak a lot about right left and center we organize things a lot of times in that way and generally that's acid vora tiferes if we're speaking about emotions or if it's intellect it's we organize things a lot on a right axis a left axis and a center axis and what do you know i'm you may have heard this before the center axis is always the one that includes both extremes it's not just balanced in the middle but it's higher than both extremes and includes both of them similar to the idea that we learned earlier remember that avrom is like the top of the door post which includes within him yitzhak and yankev and do you remember the spheros that he mentioned over there what do you do you remember kasir like the top of the door post which includes within it the hawkman okay so now he starts to explain that the blessings for children come from the center axis which corresponds in intellectual spheroids you guys heard of khabad before right what's kabad kahma bin das so if you organize khabad to right left and center do you know how to organize it which is which is on the right and which is on the left and what's in the center does so he says that the blessing for children is in the center which is das and that's why the first birth that we have in the torah first pregnancy the first birth was adam yode that adam knew eve because das is having children okay now let's uh i'm going to skip around a little bit he says that this number is connected also to a yamchav to a holiday which holiday hanukkah why hanukkah because 1 plus 2 plus 3 plus 4 plus 5 plus 6 plus 7 plus 8 is 36. what does that have to do with chanukah on the first night you light one candle the second night you light two candles and so on and so forth so at the end of the whole hanukkah how many candles have you lit 36 okay so the rabbit's father says that the gemara in shabbis i think ahmed base says herogol somebody who's careful to light candles and it means over there in that context shabbos candles and hanukkah candles actually there's a discussion over there about the priorities what do you do when you can only have one or the other there's a whole discussion but it's talking about nair candle means shabbos candles and hanukkah candles so someone who's careful to always have shabbos candles and hanukkah candles what's gonna happen it says the gomorrah says he's going to merit to have children who are torah scholars so 36 is the hanukkah candles the reward for lighting shabbos candles as well but also hanukkah candles is that you're going to have what children okay now interestingly enough when does hanukkah in what parsha does hanukkah come out when does it coincide and by the way this is something that i would speak about very often the original concept is from the shalom he says that the when you have a yamtif so the parsha that you read that week which coincides with that yump of even if overtly they're not connected they are connected if you look there's a connection so hanukkah usually what parsha is that is that weak is me kate's okay you guys remember parshas meek gates shusham kosov what does it write about the births of two sons ephraim and menasha the sons of yasip and they were tamil khamen so that's another connection to hanukkah which is connected to 36 again reinforcing the connection of having children to the number 36 which is the deba's birthday that year now in parentheses i'll just throw this out there and i'll see if you guys even react to this because when i read this i got the chills but maybe i'm just reading too much into it how do we know that afraid and asha are born in maybe they're just regular sons how do we know that they're special sons the proof for that is because when we bless people a blessed child we say you should be like ephraim but you know what that expression is you ever heard that you guys ever heard that how long you guys have been lubavitch every khov behot i'm sure you heard that the rabbitson's yard site obviously you're talking about 50 years after this ladder but it's hoth bass schwart in the connected cough base to the word bacha and to that pasek okay whatever i'm not saying that this is a reference but i can't help but read it and say interesting all right just whatever do it do with it as you will now he continues and he says that hanukkah is connected to yitzhak of the three obvis why is it connected to yitzhak because the zoya says that yitzhak is connected to the miner maybe it's the minority of the besamikdos that have his father says no it's not the minaret of the base of magnition i'll tell you how i know that eva's father is explaining what desire means the mosaic doesn't say clearly which miner it is that his father says because when you organize the obvious and right right left center axes which side is yitzchak you know yitzchak is he's on the left avrom is khasid yitzhak is gura yankive is tiferes so he says that in the base hamikdash the moneta was on you know what side on the south and if you would enter the south would be on your right but yitzchak doesn't belong on the right so that when the zayer says the minute is connected to yitzchak it can't mean the manure in the base of mikdash because yitzuk's on the left the miner of the base of migration is on the right but i'll tell you what minora is on the left which minor is on the left the hanukkah minute why is it on the left because you put it in the doorway opposite the mezuzah the mezuzah's on the right the monado's on the left so yitzchak is connected to hanukkah okay and what does that have to do with anything the yitzhak hispal al boning yitzchak we know davend for children it says and specifically he was davening not like of roman yankev the other three of us who had who took uh maids in order to procreate before their wife could have children but yitzchak specifically was davening he should have children with rifka so the connection again to davening successfully for children with your wife is yitzhak and by the way when did yitzchak start davening how many years was he married to rifka 10 10 years 10 years and this letter is written and that evan and rebecca are about to be married for 10 years by the way how old was yitzchak when he finally did have a child do you remember 60. at the end of the letter that eva's father mentions do you know what that's father's birthday is nissan so that eva's father says that this you now this letter was written when yo of nissan a week later is that his father's birthday you know that ebb's bris was on his father's birthday so at the end of the letter that ebb's father says that when you my son and my daughter-in-law will have a child this will be a good year for it because this year on good khas i'll be turning 60. and like yitzchak and by the what's that eva's father's name levy yitzchak i'll be turning 60 like yitzhak avenue turned when he finally had a child and yitzchak is connected to the mineda which is how many candles 36. okay i'm just i'm skipping lots of stuff here and i'm just trying to show you the complexity of the pattern of how at every turn that eva's father is bringing out connections on on so many levels okay now um i'm gonna skip ahead to the uh to the next page another connection to children the nissan i'm on page tough good tests and you see there's a paragraph paragraph break there i'm at the top of the paragraph the nissan and yeah we said that earlier at the beginning that nissan is also known as and as we said aviv is 36 remember how we got 36 out of aviv olive base is three three fathers you had bases 12 12 tribes 3 times 12 because each of the fathers shows up uniquely for all of his sons so it's as if each of the obvious existed on 12 different modes simultaneously at 36. humana and what happens in aviv is the father becomes the father of the child and what is that connected to the fact that hine hanes when did we go what date in nissan or aviv did we actually go out of mithraim what what date tesla right pesach was test for because we went out of mitram tess of taswav is 15 right chemist aviv did you count the gematria of the whole word of olive base good base is what aleph is one base is two yud is ten another base is another two so out one plus two plus ten plus two fifteen so the aviv of aviv meaning like double of is of all the dates of the month of aviv the the the 15th day of aviv is the date where the number of that date is the same gematria as the name of the whole month so the 15th of aviv is like double of if and that's why what happened on the 15th of of aviv of nissan we went out of it yeah i know but what is it what is the exodus from egypt likened to i'm sure you've heard this concept before the birth of the jewish people that is birth and furthermore when we observe and commemorate going out of egypt and we make our sader what's the whole mitzvah there at the seder who are we speaking to the son the whole say there is based on the premise of answering the sun telling our children the story of what happened to us when hashem took us out of mitzray devil's father says that the goalless in mitzrayim had to do with the decrees that para made against our sons the genocide of the jewish children and the redemption therefore was the celebration of the ability to bring children into the world and raise them and that's why we celebrate it by having our children ask the questions now i'm sure you've heard about the concept of the four sons can i get arbor bonham debrite right tata speaks about four sons all right so four but you know what the the the devil's founder says here there's not four sons there's five sons how are their five sons he says how their five sons because when it says that there are four sons it says ahod before each one of them right right so he says do this take that word before each of those sons you with me okay one eight four is thirteen one plus eight is nine plus four thirteen okay so ah is thirteen how many times does it say echoed before each one of the suns so how many times does it say four and what is accord 13. so 13 happens how many times 4 13 times 4 52 what's 52 nun bass or flip it bass nun ben son so really there are five suns because there's a hidden fifth sun it says explicitly the four suns but if you add up you get a hidden 52 which is a fifth sun now i want to ask you a question you guys been laboratories for a while i'm sure you heard about the fifth son where is that from the rabbit do you know even more specifically the source it's a myth of quality from tough shin you'd zion from 1957 that ebba used to write many m these were letters that were not sent to an individual but they were written to the entire jewish people all sons and daughters of israel everywhere and generally the rebel would write these letters in conjunction with special holidays very often a letter was written before pesach this particular letter was written on yud alef nisindrabha's birthday which is just a few days before pesach tafshin your zion and in this letter that ebba said we speak about the four sons but you want to know something even the russia the one we call wicked at least he's at the seder causing problems he's there okay maybe he's a little standoffish but he's there he came to the seder there's really a hidden fifth son that ever says the son who didn't even know to come to the seder or doesn't feel welcome in this editor he didn't show up he's a no-show so that ever writes in this micht of cali that our mission in this generation is to find that fifth child who's not even present at the seder and bring them to the seder so this is a famous concept in fact if i if i if i had to tell you like if i had to pick a concept from the debit that sort of embodies that ebba's entire world view and that have this entire mission statement this would probably be on the short list this idea of the fifth son the idea of we cannot have our seder without the jew who is disenfranchised and needs to be brought back home so this is like a quintessential concept of the rabbit but where did the rabbit get the idea of the fifth son from what do we see from a letter from his father from yura of nissan so udall of nissan tough reish sadiq 1938 that ever got a letter from his father about the fifth son and then in 1957 so 19 years later on the same date on your daughters and that i was writing a letter about the fifth son now that ever didn't say he got it from his father and that it's kabbalistic and it's really hidden and hinted to in the words of the haggadah that ever just said there's a fifth son he doesn't even know to come to the seder go out and get him but now we know that the idea of the fifth son that that ever spoke about in which is so essential to the devil's whole call of action that we need to bring in all of our brothers and sisters that idea really comes from his father and that his father taught him how it's kabbalistically hinted to in the words of the haggadah itself now why five sons because this connects us back to hanukkah because the eva's father says the leader of the maccabees had five sons so five sons is hanukkah hanukkah is how many candles 36 we're back to 36. okay all right um there's so much more here but then that ebb's father says directly um since you this month are going to turn 36 you're going to complete 36 years the rabbi's father gives a bracha that shebashana has zeiss that in this year here you and your wife should become this year a father and a mother to a living child the oz and then yeah i will be anee of zakin lebenbenny a grandfather and there and here's where he says nissan that this year meaning in seven days henceforth i will be coming i will be turning 60 years old and like i told you earlier 60 is what you guys remember the age of yitzchak when he had a child that was father lady yitzhak turning 60. so i i there's so much more here but i want to tell you on a personal note i have a friend who told me that i should seek out anyone i know who has fertility problems and tell them that their trip to al mata to go to the rebels father's oil is covered um and why did he reach out and he told me he wanted to do this anonymously why did he reach out and tell me this he said because he and his wife could not have a child and he went to almata last year and he said to the rebbe's father um [Music] i'm here because your son wants to honor you give me a child work it out and my wife and i should have a child who can honor us and this year after many years of waiting for their blessing this year it came through after his visit to al-mata so he told me you find anyone who has who's waiting for you sure in this particular area of life you let that you you just send me their passport and i'll uh get them on the plane it's paid for now i want to ask you a question if that ever's father and i'm just thinking here that abby's father's brachas were effective for my friend how could they not be effective for his own son and daughter-in-law doesn't even make sense especially after everything that ebba's father's writing kabbalah kabbalistically just makes sense that that ebb and rabbits have to become parents so here's what i want to tell you and this is on this is completely on my own accountability here it's a thought i'm sharing it with you it doesn't say it explicitly here but it's a thought for half of were blessed not only with a child but with many children and we have to know that what does it mean a rebbe and the rebecca not just people we look up to heroes role models leaders all that yes but not just that but a but a father and a mother and that we are the devil's children and that when the rebbe said pesach is coming go out and get the fifth son it wasn't about outreach it wasn't some movement some organization for the strengthening of judaism it was a father speaking to his other children and saying kindelach yamtev is coming up and you have brothers and sisters who belong at our family table this is not outreach this is not some uh it's not business this is personal when the rebbe said go out and find that ben kamishi find that fifth son and bring him to the seder that was your father telling you bring your brother and sister who are not who don't even know they have a place at the table bring them to the table not make space for them at the table give them the space that belongs to them they belong here so for the this was very personal this is family just share with you a thought and now this actually has a source it's says that the te rebe used to tell bharach maja bhajir you are the balshampton's biological grandchild but i am the balshampton of spiritual grandchild was the son of the balshampton's daughter so he was the maternal grandson of the balshamptiv and the al-tarabha used to tell barack obama yeah yeah you may be the biological grandson but i am the spiritual grandson now that ever asks a question according to siddhis a spiritual child or grandchild you understand why the altar was calling himself the spiritual grandson because his rabbit was the mageed and the magenta rabbit was the balshampton so my rabbi is like my father's father spiritual grandson but the rabbi asks a question says according to siddhis this doesn't make sense because we know the relationship between a father and a child is to use the siddish expression atsum is atsum is essence and the relationship between a teacher and a student is only revelation it's not the thing itself it's a glimmer of the thing and he explains it with a very simple illustration he says a father gives his dna automatically to his child so that even potentials that a father never actualized in his own life the sun can inherit because the sun doesn't inherit what the father actually revealed the sun inherits even the unrevealed essence even unactualized potentials because that's the nature of biological inheritance that and he explains that because the atom explains a lot that atsum is dafta in gasmius that's why we're making it that the physical world will eventually be the only place where infinity can be revealed but the point is that the biological relationship of a father and a son the son gets the essence of the father in fact he says there could be something the gemara speaks of the a wise man who's the son of a fool and he inherited his wisdom from his father the fool how's that possible because the if it would be his teacher a fool then how could he become wise from a teacher a fool but a father a fool the father maybe it was a fool but he has dna he has potential of wisdom he never used it himself for whatever reason he didn't have the opportunity whatever it was but when he has a son the son inherits all of the potential and that's the nature of a father and son a teacher and student in contrast is a much weaker link because between a teacher and a student first of all the student only gets what the teacher manages to tell him he doesn't get everything only what the teacher actually manages to say second of all even what the teacher says the student doesn't hear it all even if he's present and he technically hears the words but he interprets it how subjectively however he interprets it so a father to a son is a real connection a teacher to a student is very flimsy so the red is asking a question how is the al-tarab is saying that his relationship as the spiritual grandson of the ba'shemptov is a tighter connection than the biological relationship of baruch major bush you hear the question this is the best question so the rabbi answers and says like this the truth is if you're talking about a regular teacher and student there's no question that a teacher-student relationship is incomparably weaker than a father-son relationship and when i say stronger and weaker i mean shared identity that you receive your father's identity even if he didn't teach you anything you just automatically get it in the genes in the dna a teacher how similar are you going to be to your teacher it depends how well you integrated his teachings how well he transmitted the teachings it's very very relative so never says you're right with a regular teacher student it's it's incomparably weaker than a father-child relationship you can't compare to biology you can't they're just two totally different categories however that's when we're speaking about a regular teacher student but if we're speaking about a rabbit like the baal shamdev the madras says sadiq resemble their creator in what manner did sadiq resemble their creator just like hashem gave us the tata and he started the ten commandments with the introduction unknowing he i am the lord your god it took you out of egypt anay is an acronym right ano nashi sabasya harvest i wrote myself and gave myself through the medium of tata that toyota is not a book written by hashem torah so just like hashem he didn't write a book and give us his book he gave us himself in his book sadiq can do that too they didn't just teach you their teachings they gave you themselves the essence of themselves through the medium of their teachings so that when you're connected to a rabbit sadiq then that is a closer relationship than biological dna so who are we more related to [Music] our biological family or that have it i'm saying to you is that the rebbe's father's brachus and not only brachas but his kabbalistic proofs that this must be the reality you know what it reminded me of i would often speak about online that when when they needed rain instead of davening normally you pray for rain the author of desire he would learn that through his torah he could change reality the way that most other people would attempt to change reality through prayer when i'm reading this i'm reading out that eva's father is stating the torah reality that this is what it has to be and here's the significance and here's the proof on this level in this level here's the pattern and it's so clear you must become parents so it's not only a blessing of what should be it's a statement of fact this is so what i'm saying to you is we are the fulfillment of this letter we are this letter is about us you want to know how you came into being you want to know where your life comes from it comes from this letter and when we find someone another jew who doesn't even know that that they're our brother or our sister we find a ben kamishi a fifth son or fifth daughter we're making a family reunion this is not outreach this is not some international jewish movement or organization this is a family with a mother with a father a grandfather a grandmother so i'll tell you i'll tell you one last story and then we'll uh wrap up over here i'm coming from a retreat about a half an hour away from here in spider lake guys none of you are from here you don't know where spider lake is i i don't i don't know where it is i just know it took me a little over half an hour to get here it's a parenting retreat a bunch of uh mothers learning how to be better parents so we're speaking about parenting and i was saying that parenting people don't care what you know until they know that you care so you can't just tell your kids a bunch of information first you have to establish a relationship that you're a trustworthy person and then you can teach them anything but first and foremost show them that you care and how do you show your children you care i mean really the spiritual way to do it is when you look at them and you see their their unconditional worth you see them as a shaman so you see your child as having this unconditional worth they feel totally safe and totally wanted and totally accepted and totally honored then you can teach them to do anything he said that's what the rabbit did one that ever looked at you you felt completely whole complete and that parenting is really to look at our children with the rabbi's eyes the way that eva looks at us looks at us we have to look at our children so somebody said that's very inspiring but what does that even mean like how do you do that so one woman says could i share a story she says when i was three years old i was in yohidis with my whole family my whole family was in yucatas and the rebbe asked me three three years old do you have your own pushka your own sudoku box now that ebba had just mentioned the importance of every child having their own sadoka box and my parents were very careful whatever that ebb spoke about they would do it right away they're very particular about it so that ebba asked the three-year-old do you have your own sudoku box and the parents jumped forward and said yes yes she does we took care of it yes she does and apparently that eva wasn't really that interested in what the mother and father were answering that ebber to focus on the three-year-old and again ask the three-year-old do you have your own tsudaka pushka and she said i don't know now the mother father just said yes she does have one but the girl said i don't know apparently it was done for her it was put in her room maybe her name was put on it in fact she said her name was put on it but she didn't understand that that was happening she didn't that wasn't her experience so that abba opened up his drawer and took out a pushka i just heard this story i mean i could even tell you who this is this is somebody that i've known for years she didn't give me permission to publicly tell the story so i'm not going to share the name but never opened his drawer and pulled out a pushka and gave her the pushka and said this is your pushka and they gave her some money not sure how much and told her to put it in the pushka and the devil said you keep this push gear and when it's full bring it back to me how can somebody who never raised children be that sensitive and that in tune with a three-year-old child and to have that type of regard that type of respect for the three-year-old i don't hear what the parents or the parents say yeah she has a pushkin i don't know what does the three-year-old say do you have your own pushka they've asked your own host do you have your own and you don't know okay now you do here is your pushkin the deba gave her a pushka and and this woman said that today till today she has two pushkas the one that has her name on it that her parents gave her but she didn't know they gave her and it was officially hers but experientially that wasn't how she took it and then she has the rebels pushka that that ever gave her her own pushka now there's more to the story when she was 12 years old she became bass mitzvah the the this girl's father insisted that she go in to the bar mitzvah jacidus there was a bar a group of bar mitzvah boys about 30 40 boys who all had their mitzvahs around that time went in together for yukidus and this father said you know what's the difference bar mitzvah bass mitzvah and he had hutzpah and he fought with the secretaries and he pushed his daughter in and he got her in and she said i was so nervous i was terrified i'm 12 years old 12 year old girl the only girl in the rebels room which is daunting enough with this whole group of thirty boys bar mitzvah boys for bar mitzvahedes and i know i don't belong oh and in this yohides she brought back the full pushka that she'd been given when she was three and gave the rabbit the money because it ever said when it's full bring it back to me i said to her i said by the way i can't believe you you know how many times you could have been this if you would have kept filling that push every time you came to new york you could i have to have the return at any rate so she returned them she gave the money they filled up in the push kit and the device set a short secret to the group and she said that every single time that ebba said the word bar mitzvah every single time that ebb would say and bass mitzvah because it's not a room full of boys oh and then one girl over there if this is your child and in fact what do we know what's a father a father is one who relates to every single child as an only child said hashem loves every single jew like an old couple who had an only child in their old age and we know that's what a father is because remember aviv is not three plus 12 it's three times 12 because each of the three obvious have to show up 12 different ways as many different schwa them as there are however many tribes there are however many children you have you have to be there completely 100 for each of your children it's not like you have a child and you love them with all your heart and then you have a second child oh sorry kids each year only going to get love from 50 of my heart and if i have 10 children each you get 10 of my heart no there's something infinite about the power of a father's love you can have 10 children you love them all with 100 of your heart not mathematically possible but we're talking about the neshama we're talking about the soul which is infinite and a father is able to see the neshama of his child and therefore it doesn't matter if it's a room full of boys and then there's one girl no this girl is a world this girl is infinite and now it's bar mitzvah and bass mitzvah now i know you guys aren't parents but your counselors and it's a similar job maybe even harder in a certain way because these aren't your kids but the job of a counselor is to see the shama the infinity the unconditional worth the infinite worth of every single child to look at them the way that ever looks at you to look at them the way that eva looks at you and to let them know that we all have the same father and that the rebels fathers brachas are fulfilled in us and that we're going to make our father proud and our mother i mean i'm sure you guys tell your campers all the time right the rabbit's children you guys they still speak like that in detroit camp yeah yeah am i the guy bringing it to here or you guys don't speak that way still okay of course of course we do okay so now you know it's not just a slogan it's really really really serious it's really real okay so we should give our uh mother father grandfather grandmother latinajas okay