The Rabbi That Saved My Marriage

[Music] I grew up in a regular from from birth home went to bakov and had kind warm parents nothing from my childhood happened that was traumatic would lead me to get into the problems I got into later in life or at least nothing I can think of when I got married I was filled with idealistic views on how to build a Jewish Home and how to create a beautiful marriage I had never encountered anyone like my husband before so I didn't understand what was going on my husband was completely involved in his own life his own needs and had nothing to do with me no matter what I asked of him the answer was always no I have no time if I wanted to talk to him if I would need any help even if I wanted to to be with him physically with intimacy he would say of course I want to be with you but first I have to and then he'd come to bed well after I was asleep I felt completely alone I asked him what I was doing wrong and he would say I was the perfect wife he would tell me he was so attracted to me that seeing other women in the street was no challenge for him because I was everything he could ever want he'd constantly praise me and tell me that I protect him from the gates Sara the problem was he didn't protect me I was always super lonely I felt really bad that he would only come to bed when he was desperate and wake me up at odd hours I felt like I didn't matter many many instances occurred when he made me feel like nothing what I said didn't matter whatever I needed he didn't care I started getting really depressed and went to see a therapist it felt really good to discuss my pain with someone but after several months I saw that it wasn't helping so I discontinued many months passed and I was still miserable one day I got an email from my therapist asking me how I was doing I was so touched he's so sweet I thought to myself I quickly responded one response led to another the emails got longer and longer and more intense he started telling me about his life and his struggles we quickly became friends he was everything I was missing he grew into my best friend we shared everything I thought I loved him eventually things became more and more inappropriate the entire time I felt horrible for what I was doing having a relationship with a fir married man being married myself but I needed him his love and his cure meant everything to me he was so also so desperate to be with me physically he would beg me to meet with him he would promise he wouldn't touch me just let's see each other I knew this wasn't possible I knew that if I'd see him I would not be able to hold back the urge to just go along with him was extremely powerful but I am grateful that I never gave in he was very persistent but I couldn't I was very afraid to betray Hashem in such a devastating way this relationship went on secretly for 3 years thankfully I was never with him physically I was tormented to be a baso girl doing such immoral things I would often cry about it but I just couldn't stop I tried many times telling him it was over but I'd keep going back to him it was truly an awful existence I was constantly torn about what I was doing one day I went to my OB and the doctor told me that it looks like my unborn child will have Down syndrome this felt like a huge slap from Hashem he was telling me I better stop what I was doing I could not stop crying I called my therapist I told him it was over for real he should never text me email me or call me ever again I told him hasem was punishing me for what I was doing he said I was being foolish but I didn't listen to him the rest of the pregnancy was highly stressful would my baby be okay would hasem protect him because I stopped my bad behavior and then my baby was born he was the most perfect and beautiful child he did not have Down syndrome he was actually more perfect than any of my other children or maybe I just see it that way because of what had overcome and given up I was overwhelmed with gratitude years went by and I missed my therapist badly every time I would almost call him I would look at my son and stop myself my son was extraordinarily smart and healthy and handsome I knew I wouldn't go back to my immoral Behavior many years passed by and the urge inside me did not go away I foolishly pined for this man one night after a huge fight with my husband I texted my therapist and asked if he had remembered me he said of course and things got crazier than ever his text got very explicit and I was out of control I started sending him knots andless pictures of me it was just [Music] terrible one day someone told me she watched a movie that kept her up all night I asked her what the movie was she told me it was the gehenna movie Rabon that night I looked it up I was shaken to the core I understood why my friend was up all night I sent frantic texts to RAB Ru he patiently and kindly answered each each one of them I knew I needed to change my life it was a process but after having my questions answered and following R ru's advice I started to change I kept watching more videos whichever once he suggested he also told me to stop watching movies and TV shows so that I don't have all that garbage in my head I told him that it was impossible for me to stop he encouraged me to try now it's been several months and I've never watched a movie or t TV show again I didn't think this was possible now I only listen to shura I feel completely different while before I it was super hard for me not to talk to my therapist now I am angry with him and I no longer Pine for him my whole outlook is different now my husband started listening to the Jewish iny series with me it's just a whole new world my life has a whole new purpose a whole new Direction things with my husband are much better he realizes that he has to work on the relationship we are more connected and happier than ever the Sho that affected me the most was the Jewish intimate series I always thought that if I wasn't actually cheating it wasn't so bad I now have a much deeper understanding I wanted to point out something so interesting since watching this Jewish iny series and the incredible videos that Hashem has put out out like tonit I have tremendously worked on my SAS I'm careful with the way I dress and some of the things I loved wearing before I won't wear now I'm also very careful with my interactions with men and my general Behavior one might think that when I behave and look much more modest my husband would find me less attractive yet the opposite is true he will constantly tell me how I'm much more beautiful now than when we got married over two decades ago he himself finds this surprising not only that when I go anywhere with my 5-year-old people ask me oh is this your oldest child when I tell people that I have a 20-year-old they are generally shocked and will comment that I myself look like I'm in my 20s this literally happens to me all of the time being modest and careful about the way I behave and dress has only brought me endless blessings what I recommend to others to people that just think something is too hard for them to overcome don't give up Hashem will help you always keep trying and ask Hashem to help you I thought I would never get over my therapist but now I he disgusts me I thought I would never stop watching movies but once I made the effort it was not as hard as I thought Hashem is here for you and wants to help you also look for the truth even if it's painful it's so valuable don't look for people that will just make you feel better if you don't have the truth it's just not worth anything I spoke to another R about my situation before I ever contacted R ruin and he told me this other r that if I have another man in my head during intimacy as long as I'm not having children it's okay I was told several lies if something doesn't sound right push further look into sources don't allow yourself to be pacified this will not help you in this world or in the next I'm super super super grateful that my life now looks completely different following the Torah is the only way to happiness one last thought I wanted to share I spoke to a few women who have physically cheated they all say the same thing they feel absolutely horrible afterwards for a momentary pleasure they are completely destroying themselves and it will bring utter misery in this world and in the next they always bitterly regret it woman woman told me she would constantly consider suicide she felt she could no longer exist I told her not to lose hope she can always do Chua she needs to run and grab the opportunity before it's too late she should cling to Hashem and never let go she should find the truth and immerse herself in it her whole life will change be honest with you to give this lecture as a nightmare if it was up to me I wouldn't do it there's going to be some graphic details not not we did that already where is Gom Ina what did Heim actually say about [Music] punishment is is there suffering is there a physical place of fire or snow we're simply trying to verify that Hashem takes Vengeance against the Sinners or not do you believe that Angels demons exist we're doing a Ouija board video today this is by far the largest near-death experien study that has ever been [Music] conducted what happened the moment you die person needs to know that he's not going to be a FR yeah I went to a place of timelessness it was me judging myself on what I could have done better not the rebuke of some book this is a rebuke of a when we go up to sh [Music]