The missing piece (Peace) in your life - MOST valuable message you need to hear! - Rabbi Alon Anava

With other shame we're going to start today chapter number two in the gates of holiness, Shaarei Kedushah. And we last class we concluded chapter number one that included six gates. Very interestingly we went through 28 classes, the numerical value of koach 28, power, strength. And now we're starting a completely different chapter, different approach, different things that we need to take to consideration, and remembering that in essence the book of Shaarei Kedushah is a guide to reach Ruach Hakodesh. Ruach Hakodesh means divine inspiration, not prophecy, rather Ruach Hakodesh. I don't believe that an average individual can actually follow the the rules and follow the instructions and reach Ruach Hakodesh, but listen, uh sky's the limit, anybody can do it. Rabbi Chaim Vital had a very high level of Ruach Ruach Hakodesh, a very very high level, maybe even the highest that most uh individuals ever got. Um of course uh his master was greater, the Arizal, and many other, but Rabbi Chaim Vital was known to reach a very high level of Ruach Hakodesh. And again, Ruach Hakodesh is not prophecy, prophecy is one thing and Ruach Hakodesh is a whole different thing. Prophecy can only be received while the person is in the state of sleeping, and the person has to be chosen by the master of the universe. You can't choose to be a prophet. And only one prophet, Moshe Rabbenu, was able to receive prophecy while he was awake and speak to Hashem face to face. And the rest of the prophets received prophecy while they were sleeping, and each prophet will receive prophecy according to what Hashem wanted. So there are greater prophets, less greater, Yechezkel, Yeshayahu, but they didn't choose to be a prophet. With Ruach Hakodesh you can choose or you can do certain actions to bring on yourself Ruach Hakodesh. And again, Ruach Hakodesh is divine inspiration, divine power. Therefore, prophecy happens while you sleep, Ruach Hakodesh you're you're totally aware of what's going on. You know what's going on, and you actually initiate what you want to do. Rabbi Chaim Vital was known to do what's called kfitzat haderech, teleporting himself from one point to another point. So it's all not you know hocus pocus and nonsense, this is the the real deal. That for thousands and thousands of years the Jewish nation was crucified and and tortured not because of the hate of them being Jews. It's to give me the information. Give me this knowledge. Many many of the stories that you hear about it doesn't come from anti-Semitism or hate for Jews. It's give me the info this holy information, all this information was concealed for thousands and thousands of years only for the sake so it won't go into the wrong hands. But not to get off our topic, Shaarei Kedushah is really uh Ruach Hakodesh for dummies. How do you reach Ruach Hakodesh? Now neither one of us is in the market for Ruach Hakodesh, we are in the market to refine my character. That's what I want. The beginning of the of chapter one and the introduction, more in the introduction, Rabbi Chaim Vital says that Torah and mitzvot are extremely important and must be done, but the main purpose of my servants of to of God and my existence in this world is tikkun hamiddot, the refinement of character. Because the Torah and the mitzvot will allow me to refine myself. And my analogy was that the Kadosh Baruch Hu brings you into this world as an uncut diamond. If you look how a diamond comes out of the mine, it's a black stone. That's how it looks, it doesn't look like a diamond. It's not like in the movies when they dig in the ground and they come out with a handful of diamonds, that's in the movies. In real life you have to go in a mine for many many days and you chisel the stones and in it you'll find the the black rocks that if you know how to cut it and polish it, then you get the diamond. And the more the polishing and the cutting is precise, the carat is greater, and not the carrots you eat, the karat, then will make the value of the diamond much much greater. Same thing with our soul, comes down to this world full of dirt and God gives us the soul and tells us this is a diamond, I want you to polish it. And when you die, you bring me back the diamond polished. How do you polish the diamond? Then you refine yourself. You are born with anger issues, not you, I'm just my hand just goes there. One person is born with anger issues, another person is born with jealousy, another one is impatient, another one is full of arrogance, another one is depressed. Every person has their their characteristics. Now many people say that's how I'm born, that's me, that's my personality, leave me alone. No, it's incorrect. On the contrary, if I know of my deficiencies, I can tell you on myself, I can only tell you on myself, I can't testify on anybody else. I'm not a jealous person, I don't have jealousy, I don't have anything. I don't have envy, I don't have this is not something that I'm suffering from. I have issues, other issues, impatient, anger, other things. I can tell you that jealousy, baruch Hashem, not jealous of anybody. Can't care less. No jealousy, no envy, no ayin hara, baruch Hashem. But it means that I'm perfect? Far away from perfect. I knew right away from the get-go I need to deal I have a lot of anger issues. I'm very impatient. Not judgmental, baruch Hashem, but I know what I'm bad at. I know my weaknesses very well. Now, in order to find your weakness you have to bring yourself to a place of humility, because if you're not humble, I don't have a problem with anger, you are the problem. You get me angry. That's when you're not humble enough to say I am the problem, you're just passing by, I'm just an angry person. But nevertheless, this is one example out of many how a person, when comes to this world, needs to understand I came here to refine my soul, this diamond, and God gave me different characteristics that are negative. Many of the characteristics that Hashem gives you are great and positive. You are kind, you're patient, you're understanding, you're courteous, and many other things. So you're always going to have a lot of good characteristics and some not good ones, and some of them are very bad. You need to focus on how am I refining myself. When I became observant, I understood very clearly and very fast that the participating and the following of the mitzvot, that's the foundation. I have to. No question, I like it, I don't like it, I understand, it's irrelevant. If God commanded me to do something, you do it. First you do it. Na'aseh v'nishma. But that's not my purpose. My purpose is not to wake up in the morning and go and pray in a minyan. That's the fuel. That's the material that allows me to come home later and deal with myself and my surroundings. And very quickly I understood um I need to refine myself. I am a very uh damaged and blemished object and my job is to clean it and to refine it and to polish it and to make the product look beautiful. You get a little bit of silver and you are the silversmith. Now let's see what you can make. So baruch Hashem we have great scholars and great rabbis that wrote amazing books that we're learning all side to side, one of them is Tomer Devorah by the Rabbi Moshe Cordovero, but we chose to learn Shaarei Kedushah because I do put importance to each and every one of us is how are you refining yourself? And we went through a whole chapter including six gates that gives you the first foundation, how do you need to conduct your life to start scraping the bottom of that process. And if you went through 28 classes, you understand this is a lifelong journey. This is not something that you master in a three months course and get a certificate. This is something that you need to apply in your life that should be as a goal for you, that's my destination, I want to become the 2.0 version of myself. I want to become the refined me. I told you already in last class in Tomer Devorah yesterday that I met a friend from many many years ago, and in the beginning he was like of course knows me as a secular individual, and after a short encounter he concluded I'm a different person. And I said I'm not a different person, I'm the exact same person. Just a much better version of what you knew 30 years ago. Okay, the physical appearance changed a little bit, but it's the exact same person. And that's the mistake of most baalei teshuvah and converts that they think that they need to change. And they act to change, and then they become somebody else and they become miserable and unhappy. And this will apply both for a convert and both for a baal teshuvah. And also a person who was born observant can be considered a baal teshuvah, but they're more aligned with the Torah and the mitzvot. When I guide people who convert or become observant, if you are a musician, stay a musician. You are a weightlifter, stay a weightlifter. Just direct it to kedusha. But stay what you are. You're a musician, continue playing what you the instrument you're playing. Don't become somebody you're not. I can tell you on myself that when I tried to remove from my life things that were my nature, I became miserable. And it doesn't say you are a bad individual if you're not practicing what you did 30 years ago. That's what you like, that's what you're drawn to, that's what Hashem wants you to participate and practice. Just now elevate it to kedusha. Elevate it to holiness. Use it to something positive. Hashem gave you characteristics, gave you traits, knowledge, hobbies. You think just out of nowhere you decided on a hobby? You like fishing, you like bird watching. It's a hobby. Some people make a job out of it, but if it's a hobby, there's a reason why you like a certain thing because your neshama is drawn to something. Your job is to elevate everything to kedusha. But we're not doing a crash course of baal teshuvahs and converts right now. We're doing a lengthy series of how do I refine myself? So chapter number one, including six gates, give you a daily schedule what you needs to do. Gives you a whole overview of how you need to conduct yourself, how you need to introspect on your actions, and many different ways. I'm telling you this short chapter. Look how small the book is. Technically you can read it in 2 days. But to master it will take you 60 years. Better start now. There's not a lot of time on our hands. So now we're going to start chapter number two, who has a completely different approach, different methods, different ways of explaining things. And not to waste too much of our time, also is including with gates. It's divided into gates like chapter number one. Specifically it has five gates. Uh Sorry, it has eight gates. And gate number one is titled as tochachot. Rebuke. Now, this is very appropriate because nobody wants to hear how bad they are and nobody likes to hear the truth and everybody likes to get the sweet version of the story and unfortunately you're not going to get anywhere if everything is how you say? Sugarcoated. I was about to say something else. Uh I was about to say la-di-da or handy-gandy or whatever you say, but sugarcoated. Nobody wants to be rebuked. And the first chapter, I mean the first gate is focusing on what's called tochachot, rebuke. And when I became observant, I have a very good friend that if you are familiar with my story, you know his name. Itzik is the person that when I woke up from my coma, I told him I need to put tefillin on and he told me it's Shabbat. If you know my story, you know Itzik. Okay? Many people know. One time few years ago I went on a tour in America, he came to see me and I embarrassed him in front of 500 people. I said, "That's Itzik! THAT'S ITZIK OVER THERE!" And he So So when I became observant, I didn't turn to a rabbi. I was embarrassed. I didn't know what to do. I turned to my friend Itzik, who told me I have to put tefillin, you have to eat kosher. He was kind of guiding me the first few months of my journey. And I I lived in Chicago and uh he lived in New York and he I sent him to be my shaliach to buy me tefillin, siddur, a prayer book, and tallit. I gave him money. I told him I want you to buy me the whole set. And then he came. I lived in Chicago, he came to deliver it. I have I actually have a picture of my first time putting tefillin and tallit. And the tallit is all falling and I couldn't figure it out and it kept falling and the tefillin is all crooked and instead of being here it's suddenly here and I'm the tefillin is like on my face and I'm like with MY ANGER CAN'T DO IT! BUT WITH THAT HE BROUGHT me a present. I have Shame I don't have my tefillin bag here. It's in my tefillin bag for 20 years. And it's a letter by Nachmanides, Iggeret haRamban. And he told me and it's nice leather cover. It's in my tefillin bag, 20 years plus. And I didn't learn Torah, I didn't know anything, but I learned I used to read it every day. I would finish my prayer and read the Iggeret haRamban, the letter of Nachmanides. And He says very very powerful things. It's very short. I actually recommend to anybody to read it as much as they can. He says in the letter, read it every day, but if you can't, at least once a week. That's what he says. So if you can't every day, read it once a week. It's very short. It should take you a few minutes. But it has the most profound, deep, strong, smart messages there. But a lot of it is rebuke. Is a lot of it is putting yourself in the right place. And why am I sharing this with you? Because I started my journey of becoming observant. I'm 28 years old. Secular man. Lived my life like a secular man. I can't even say secular Jew because I didn't have any qualification of a Jew besides being born to a Jewish mother. Some people are reformed, conservative, whatever definition you want to give, they do something. I mean my category there was nothing. And I despised it. I hated the Torah. I went against the Torah. And then I find myself in a reality that I have to change my life. And in my stupid, arrogant mind, I thought, "What's the big deal? Give me 3, 4 months." Not three and not four and not five months and not four and five years. It's a life journey. But I was Baruch Hashem had a little bit of chochma, a little bit of wisdom, and I shot the arrow where the destination has to be and now I follow the path. And I knew what's the destination. How fast it's going to take me. I thought it will take much less. I didn't realize it's going to take me a few decades to get there. But nevertheless, at least was a destination. And I understood very quickly that if I want to grow spiritually fast and be efficient is that knowing who you are and where you are standing in any given moment. Or I used to use the term and I shared it with you in many classes, who are you kidding? That's what I would tell myself. That was my sticker, bumper sticker. Who are you kidding? In Hebrew it sounds much better. Al mi ata oved? Who do you think you're fooling? And that was the the repeating slogan that had in my mind. Think you're fooling somebody? Or you're pretending you put a black suit, you think you're so pious? You have a big yarmulke, you think that's it? You gained all credit points with God? Who are you kidding? And that was was echoing in my mind. Because the yetzer hara comes and tells us to do all sorts of things. And many times you pretend in front of other people and pretend to yourself and pretend to the whole world and you you start believing your own lies. And then my echo would say, "Who are you kidding?" Of course in Hebrew. I talked to myself in Hebrew, not in English. In Hebrew it's al mi ata oved? Who do you think you're fooling? If you fool yourself, you are a fool. So very quickly I understood that if I need to grow, I need to constantly put myself under the light and to not only analyze myself and introspect is to put myself down by telling you myself exactly who you are. Who are you kidding? You're a liar. Don't don't sugarcoat it. I told you. I don't know how far back it goes, 10, 15 years. One time Yom Kippur I told you this story many times. I come back from Yom Kippur. I didn't see my wife for 24 hours. No point of coming home. On the the evening stay in the shul, read tehillim, wake up early in the morning. No point of coming home. So I didn't see her the whole day. I come home after Yom Kippur, we sit, feed the kids, sit and have a cup of tea. And I tell her, "Nu, how was your day? Was it good? What did you do? Did you pray?" And then I tell her, "Did you take any achlatot, any decisions or as they say resolutions for the coming year?" She says, "I decided to do this. I decided to do that." Okay. "How about you?" "Did you take any resolutions?" My wife asks me. I said, "Yes, I decided this year to stop lying." "What?" "You're not a liar." I says, "Oh, I I'm a liar." "You?" My dear husband, you lie?" I said, "Yeah, I lie all day long. All day long I lie. To you, to him, to her, to the master of the universe, and to me." My wife didn't didn't believe what she's hearing. "Are you a liar? What did you lie to me?" We lie all day long. All day long we we are liars. We are I we all have it, by the way. You might not go and fraud people for millions of dollars, but all the time we manipulate different details. It's a lie, by the way. You know that exaggerating is a lie. According to the Halakha, exaggerating is a lie. "I TOOK ME 20 MINUTES." NO, IT DIDN'T. Took you 10. So, now that I went and lied to people and told them that I don't know what, but I paid attention that every little concept, even in my own behavior, is a lie. It's not 100%. Therefore, the echo of who you lying to? Who you kidding? What what's the significance of the approach? Is putting myself in an x-ray vision. Is seeing through through me. Now, imagine you would have somebody that looks at you and tells you, you know, the result was like that. He would you would come and he would tell you, "I see on your forehead." He would see everything you said, everything you did, everything you said. Can't lie to him. Imagine somebody like this. You come once a day and the person will tell you, "Why did you say this and that? Why did you do this action?" Now, some people don't like it because it's embarrassing, it's overpowering, it's humiliating. But I found the approach is actually putting yourself exactly where you are. So, if I want to be in a certain place and I lie to myself that I'm there, who lost? Me. Now, if I want to achieve something in my life, then I can't lie to myself. If I want to be successfully successful in business and I want to have a lot of money, I can go buy a beautiful suit and lease a very expensive car and buy a fake Rolex, and I can fake it. Right? So, some people say fake it till you make it. No, no. It's fake it till you make it will apply to certain things, but I can come off as a very rich individual and lie to myself, "Oh, I'm very wealthy." And buy things and but it's all on credit cards. It's all on loans. I owe money. So, I'm going to give you just one example, not in the spiritual world, in more in a physical world. But again, and and I'm sharing a life experience before we we didn't even read anything. I don't know if we get to read anything today, but but the point is that that when I became observant, I I knew I have no other option. I became observant cuz I had a sword on my on my neck. Both spiritually and physically. And I knew this is no time for games and for jokes. Because I told you in the previous class, a lot of people don't know the story. Uh but I became observant. I suffered from a near-death experience, a clinical death that caused me to figure out very briefly and very quickly what's the reality of life. And then for about a year and a half I disappeared off the face of the earth. I mean, not from the face of the earth. I moved from where I lived in New York to to Chicago, away from my people that I knew, friends and illegal activities and many other things. And I kind of hid in Chicago, and that's when I started digesting the thought that I have to become a individual that all my life I despised. An observant Jew. But unfortunately, I took my time because of lying to myself, by the way. That was the perfect example of lying to myself. I would put filling on in the morning, not mix meat and dairy, not turn the toilet light off on Shabbat, and a few other things. And in my mind, that's it. I'm observant. Leave me alone. I did my part. And I kept lying to myself for a year and a half. You're doing great. You're doing amazing. Which really I was doing amazing to my level. But that was my block of saying you don't have to become a Haredi. You don't have to come a black suit and the Man, these are crazy people. You put your filling on and don't mix meat and dairy. I'm telling you what I used to do. But I was living a life of denial and lying to myself that I'm doing great. Now, what was the result from that after a year and a half? Hashem says, "Listen, I see you're not getting with the program. I'm going to kick you on your tuchus." And then I got arrested and thrown to jail. In a year and a half I was in jail. That's when I became religious. When there wasn't any other options. When the sword was so tight on my neck that I said, "Well, okay. I surrender." That's when I became observant. And needless to say, after I came out, that's when I already went through shiva. And that's when I I mean, that's when it's completely took a turn. But when did I become fully accepting the fact that I have to serve Hashem is when Hashem forced me, so to say. But why? Because I was able to understand, who am I kidding? What did you do in the last year and a half? You got a heavenly message that you have to repent. You have to do teshuvah. You I mean, me. What are you doing? You think you're convincing Hashem with putting filling in the morning? As my wife keeps telling me up until today, "God has bigger expectations from you." Oh, that's what I need to hear. Yeah, I don't do enough. No, Hashem has one one more from you. That's why I married you, to stick it in my ear every day. Hashem wants more from you. God bless her. But if she wouldn't say that, then I would lie to myself, "You're doing great. loves you. You are like the employee of the month." So, I need my wife to tell me, "Who do you think you are? You only learn 6 hours a day? That's a disgrace. That's It's an embarrassing to the family." "Somebody's waiting outside to see you." "I'M BUSY." "WHAT? You busy? Hashem has higher expectations from you." Okay. So, we need to be put in our place or put in our spots to understand that my growth will only come when I'm under stress. If I'm sitting on a yacht in the Caribbean, there's not going to be any spiritual growth there, by the way. And and some people think that. Oh, I'll go to some tropical island. I will do it, but they do it 2 hours every day. Pray in length for 3 hours. Yeah, I tried that. It didn't work. You don't pray long. You put the filling for 2 minutes and let me go to the beach. That's again, who are you kidding? Who are you kidding? Should make a bumper sticker out of that. Who are you kidding? Wow. So, I don't know if we're we're going to get to read much because the thing is it has to be the first paragraph has to be read in read in one shot. But let me continue. I think I'm getting the point across because and chacham keval anisaion. Who is a wise person? Oh, sorry. I'll I'll I'll translate a different different way. Uh uh The wise person No, how would I translate it the right way? Who can be considered wise? The one who has experience. You can only be smart from your experience. You can't be smart cuz you acquired knowledge. Even if you're a lawyer, you're an accountant, you're a dentist. You think that a dentist dentist the first year of their practice, they know what they're doing? I went once to such a dentist. Never again. I I choose the dentist how old they are. You think that the old one will shake their heads. No, no, no, go to the old one. They've seen enough. Don't That's not the approach. You You're going to an accountant. I need somebody old, not somebody that just came out of accounting school. I need somebody with experience. And chacham keval anisaion. You have experience. It can be anything. Could be a mechanic, could be anything that you do. You have experience, it comes natural. You've seen all the cases, all the options. So, Hashem Hashem put me through many different nisyonos to have experience to to analyze the methods how to bring you to where you want to go. And I'm telling you, when I became observant, besides that Hashem bent my hand behind my back and told me, "This is what you have to do." I understood that if there's not going to be a system, it's not going to be done. And like I told you, I shot the arrow to the destination, to the target. Now, follow the path. I thought I would do it in a few years. Little did I know that it will take me all my life. And probably the arrow is the last day of my life. But the point is that if you don't work with a system, then you'll never achieve what you want to achieve. You'll achieve 20% of the results. And you want to achieve 100% result, if not then 90 80%. So, the the approach, the system, the method to really grow is like I told my wife after Yom Kippur, I can't lie anymore. And it's not that I went in business and lied to people. And it's not that I lied to my wife, "Where were you?" "Oh, I went to learn." And really I went out with the boys for a drink. That's not what I'm talking about. That's That's my wife, she could understand. You lied. I said, "In my behavior pattern, I lied to myself. I cheat." It's almost like a person doing a diet but at night he cheats a little bit and have some ice cream. You know, who you But who are you cheating? You're cheating yourself. You're not You're not hurting anybody. And I took the lying part to a very refined level that I lied to myself in how I look at myself. And I told you I I told you many many different stories. You know, one time I came back from a lecture. I share this story a lot because it has a clear significance message. I went to a lecture. The lecture started at 8:00 in the evening. The lecture finished at 3:00 in the morning. It was in somebody's house. There was I don't know, 20 30 people in the house. I gave the my a personal experience and questions, answers, and 3:00 in the morning I go out of the lecture. The story that I say is that I went into the car, I opened the windows, put a CD of music, then there were CDs. Not like today. And I listened to music. You know, my mind was You know what? It's a 7-hour lecture. I play music. I'm dancing in the car. And in my mind, this is not the story I wanted to tell you, but that's how the story begins. As I'm driving down the highway Oh, and I put a in the GPS uh to my home address, it said 1 hour. I said, "Okay, I have 1 hour to clear my mind." As I'm driving on the highway and jamming to the beats, my yetzer tov baruch Hashem tells me, "What are you doing?" And I answer him, "What do you mean, what am I doing? Didn't you see my fancy moves? I'm dancing." So, the yetzer tov is telling me, "You have a whole hour now in the car. What do you want? You can either listen to music a whole hour and relax, and you deserve to relax. Or you can put a CD and listen to a Torah class. Now, what would you gain if you listen to music? A headache. Right? What would you gain if you listen to a Torah class? A whole hour of Torah. Olam haba I can't even explain to you what's 1 hour of listening to Torah. So, baruch Hashem the yetzer hara what lost, the yetzer tov overpowered, the CD came out, and I played a Torah class, and I reached home very satisfied. But that's where That's not where the story ends. When I came home, came another question. Oof. I didn't pray Arvit. I started the lecture. I thought I'll finish quick. Now it's 4:00 in the morning. Should I pray Arvit now? Now comes the halacha. And what's the time? Is it after, before alos hashachar, before dawn, after dawn, how far away from chatzos? What's the Mishnah the the halacha the Gemara? When can I say Shema? You can The conclusion was, "Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was winter. You can still pray Arvit. It's not dawn yet." So, the yetzer tov says, "Okay. Start praying Arvit. 20 minutes now. When you're dead tired. And now Oh I forgot. After that, 20 minutes say Krias Shema al Hamitah. And when you have to wake up in an hour to pray Shacharis. That's when the consultant came in with a suit and a black hat, long peyos, and the consultant told me, "You want to pray Arvit now? You have to wake up to Shacharis in the 2 hours. Forget about Arvit. It's not so important. Say Shema cuz that's the Torah. Go to sleep. Waking up for Shacharis is more important." My religious consultant. Which is incorrect, by the way. My consultant I'm talking about the yetzer hara who's telling me, "Arvit? You just sat now for 7 hours inspiring dozens of people to become better Jews, to become more observant, to acknowledge the existence of God. You know what you did right now? Do you know the ma'ala the virtue of zechus harabim? You know what it means? NOBODY DOES SUCH THINGS. You are ONE OUT OF MAYBE 20 in the entire world. It's okay. Hashem loves you. You are the employee of the month. You can go to sleep. It It's totally fine. And you know what? You don't even have to wake up early for Shacharis. Sleep in. Wake up to the late one. Go pray with the chassidim at 11:00 in the morning. Hashem loves you for what you did last night." Fortunately, I was so on fire because of the lecture that I didn't listen to the yetzer hara and I said, "You know what? I'll pray Arvit now. I'll say Krias Shema. I'll stay up. Go to pray early and after Shacharis I'll come back and GO TO SLEEP. HA! HOW ABOUT THAT?" BUT THAT doesn't work like this every time. Now, why am I telling all you all this to you? Because I can blame the yetzer hara for tricking me go to sleep. Hashem loves you, you're so great. But I don't like rolling over guilt and and accusations. The yetzer hara did it. As Chava and Adam and not to talk lashon hara and then the nachash told me. Take responsibility. Ha'isha asher nasata imadi. You know, master of the universe goes to Adam Harishon, "WHAT DID YOU DO?" "You know, the woman the woman the woman you gave she Be a man. Say, "I'm sorry. I was weak." Not that I'm chash v'shalom complaining or trying to point the finger at Adam Harishon. I don't know what I would do in that situation. I'll probably eat the whole tree. But nevertheless, say, I I I I messed up. So, I don't like blaming all the yetzer hara told me to go to sleep. I like taking responsibility by saying, "Who am I kidding?" So, what if you sat now 7 hours and gave a lecture? What you think you're so great? You gave a lecture 7 hours cuz Hashem allowed you to do that. And say thank you that he's even giving you the strength and the energy to do it and the zechus to do it. So, what if you gave a lecture? So, what if you listened to a class? So, what? Who are you kidding? Just say, "I'm tired. I want to go to sleep." But don't fool yourself. Don't lie to yourself. Don't pretend to yourself that because you're so great then you need to to to get a discount. That's the approach. The approach is that to get rebuke from somebody else, that's not fun. Nobody likes getting rebuked. Baruch Hashem I have seven kids. I need to rebuke them. They don't like getting rebuked. And I figured out very quickly that the less the rebuke and the more of the encouragement, I get better results, but has to be rebuke. Cuz for many times I said, "I don't want to rebuke them, they rebel. I will just build them up. I will credit them. I would see I would find all the ways to build up their their confidence to to to say how great they are." It didn't work. It's important, but it It didn't work. Has to be rebuke. The rebuke has to come with a lot of sugar. The rebuke has to come with encouragement and a good feedback and and how do you say compliments? And there's a way to rebuke, and I know which child how they need to hear it. One of the child children, they need to hear how great they are. And after I build up how great they are and proud I am, then I'll tell you where you where where you're wrong. It's not that bad. As somebody once told me, "If you want to complain to your wife, you can complain as much as you want, but if you want her to accept what you're complaining, give her give a compliment at the end." And I said, "What do you mean?" He says, "Well, you can come to your wife and says, 'You don't cook. You didn't do the laundry. You didn't clean the house.' Oh, did you lose weight? You look great today." Oh, okay. So, not all the wives it's going to work. Some of the wives are already skinny. What do you mean I lost weight? But the approach So, with one of my children, that approach works. But you know, even to give rebuke, you need to know how to give rebuke. Uh just to throw accusations, that's not rebuke. But uh we're not here to understand and to learn how to rebuke other people. I want to understand how I rebuke myself. In order to rebuke myself, then first I have to master stage number one is how do you humble yourself? That another bumper sticker that I had is you're not that great. And I had a big ego growing up. Ego is a good thing because it drives you to do a lot. I was very driven, not was, very driven, very ambitious. You need an ego for that. It doesn't matter business right now any other aspect in your life. Uh but unfortunately, when I was spiritually young, the ego was very in control. And I had to create another bumper sticker, another slogan, and I would tell myself, you're not that great. Let's stop lying to yourself. You're You're okay, but you're not that great. That I learned I told you already there was a rabbi, may he rest in peace, that he used to do matchmaking shidduchim, and before he would send the the boy and the girl out on the date, he would meet them privately, take them in front of the mirror, and say, "Look at the mirror. What do you see?" I see myself. Then he would tell them, "You're not that great. Now go on the date." So I learned that approach and I was like, "Oh, I like that approach. Look in the mirror and say to yourself, you're not that great. You know, take it take it calm down a little bit." So unfortunately, you know, I take it back, not unfortunately. We're not going to read anything from the text right now cuz the first paragraph, if I don't read it in one shot, it will it's not it's not going to come as powerful as an an as intense as it should. But let's call this class the introduction to gate to chapter number two. And since the title of the chapter is tokhakhot, rebuke, uh then I have to now not change the mind frame of chapter number one. Chapter number one has to stay in. If you didn't go through the course don't not a course, sorry, the series. Then learn it again. And if you don't, then read it, and that has to rinse and repeat and rinse and repeat. It's not something that you learn and you think you can master it in one shot. That's a lifestyle. It's a lifestyle that you have to uh take on yourself in order to be successful. Now we're adding an addition that in order for me to get to a much greater place. I mean, at the end of the day, not people not everybody are driven to be successful in whatever they do. Some people they don't have that and it doesn't mean that a person is good or bad. But at least one should have the drive and the ambitious the ambition to be successful in their spiritual growth. Because if not, then really what are you doing here? If you want to be successful in business, I understand. You want to be the best musician, the best athlete, the best whatever you are, that's good. It's good to be ambitious. I support it and and and you should. But that's very nice. But I'm looking as investing into my eternity, which means that my ambition is how do I become a much more successful refined individual in this world because that's what's going to affect my eternity. That's a mind mindset. If my mind is set on my success in this world and only the success in this world, I'm very limited. I'm not going to grow much. Because what's going to determine my success in this world is only God. I know many people they wanted to be successful businessmen, never worked. I know people wanted to be successful athletes or whatever type of sports they were in, they didn't work. Because of an injury, because of whatever, they didn't accept them to the team. That is Hashem will determine if you're going to be the next superstar or the next billionaire. But in regards to your spiritual growth, that Hashem doesn't determine. The Talmud says the story that when a man and a woman are together, there's nothing there yet. But when there's a potential for a baby, a certain angel goes up to the heavens, and they subpoena the soul that's going to go into that baby. And the angel tells to the master of the universe, he takes a drop from the man and says, "This drop, what's going to be the end result of this drop? What's going to be the end result of this drop? Is the person going to be rich or poor? Is the person going to be handsome or ugly? Is the person going to be tall or short? Blue eyes, green eyes, brown eyes? Carpenter, lawyer? What What What's going to be this person?" And the master of the universe tells everything about the person. How the person's going to look, where they're going to live, who they're going to marry, what they're going to be the trade, every little detail. And the Talmud concludes by saying everything is in the control of the heavens. Hashem decides every little thing till how much you're going to make, who you're going to marry and when, how many kids, where you're going to live, all your challenges, all your success, all your failures. I can't be the shamayim who's may shamayim. Besides the level of God-fearing that person will have. So what determines your success in this world depends on Hashem. You need to put effort, you need to put hard work, you need to do to do your part, but the the the bottom line is what Hashem says. But your spiritual growth, that has nothing to do with Hashem. Hashem says, "I'll give you all the tools, all the means, all the ability and the ways. Now let's see what you're going to do." That's 100% dependent on you where you're going to end up at the end of the day. I call it spiritual growth, you can call it spiritual refinement, you can call it your whatever your polishing of the diamond. Call it however you want, but if that is not in your mindset, if this is not part of your goals, then so what is? What What What are you doing here? That's a question that it should be a person has to ask themselves once a day, once a week, once a month, "What am I doing here? Am I fulfilling what I'm supposed to do here? I didn't come here to to leisure myself with meals and Netflix series. I have a purpose in this world. Doesn't matter if I'm 20 or 80, it's irrelevant. Doesn't matter if I was a failure for the last 60 years, I have another 20 years to live. It doesn't matter where you're holding in your life if you don't give an account to yourself, "What am I doing here? Am I achieving something? Am I worthwhile? Is the world going to miss me when I'm gone?" I think I told you before in the previous class that this picture that I got with a Holocaust survivor with the tattoo, I I didn't remember what it says. It says, "Will anybody miss me when when I'm gone?" That's what it said. Did you ask yourself this question? If anybody going to miss me when I'm gone? Now why would somebody miss you? Because you changed their life. You helped them. They love you. You are a significant part of their of their life. Your spouse, your kid, your neighbor, your friend. Doesn't matter who it is. Now don't be discouraged by saying, "You know what? I don't think anybody's going to miss me." Okay, so create somebody that will miss you. Maybe Hashem will miss your presence in this world. But now we're not here to build up your esteem by saying how special you are in the world. I'm here to make you realize that you have to have some type of a system. Nothing works without systems. Doesn't matter what it is, business, government, army. If there's no system, there's no rules, there's no structure, it won't work. The Torah is the perfect example how everything is with a system. The Torah tells you when to wake up, when to pray, when to eat, how to eat, what to do after the bathroom. Torah tells you everything. That's why it's called it's called Torah. It's not shouldn't be called Bible or Testament. It's Torah because in Hebrew Torah means to teach. It's to give give instructions. Hm? The manual. The manual, 100%. The manual, what to do. So what we can conclude in this class is if you're not working with a system, you won't be successful. Let's put it this way to cut it short. What do you need to be successful at? In your spiritual growth. In your purpose in this world. Can you be successful? You can be extremely successful because Hashem says, "You just do one step, I'll give you all the opportunities. Just show me a little bit of desire, a little bit of interest, a little bit of willing, I'll I'll give you all the opportunities." And what needs to be echoing in your mind is that I I I every second here is valuable. You know, a lot of people are afraid to be judged for lying, stealing, cheating, slandering, which you will be judged for that. Don't think for 1 second you won't. And don't let anybody drill in your mind that you are a good person and Hashem loves you and you're good to go. You're going to be judged for every little thing that you did, thought, act, and desired to do. But you're also going to be judged for other things, and one of them is that you didn't use your time right. So if you're afraid of being judged for sinning by cheating, lying, gossiping, slandering, and much more, then you also have to understand Hashem is going to tell you, "I gave you so so time. What did you do with your time? Were you on Tik Tok for 3 hours every day or was it Facebook or WhatsApp? What were you on for 3 hours every day? And how many cats did you see rolling and dogs juggling? Huh? And how many stupid videos you watched every day? I I'm sorry to tell you you wasted your time. What did you do with your time? Was it your time? No, it's not your time. So, in order for me to really focus on the target and Baruch Hashem all my life I always had a target cuz I wanted to do many things. I wanted to achieve many things. Baruch Hashem I was always ambitious of and I wanted something. I was like I'm going to go get it by it doesn't matter how. I'm going to go get it. And you put yourself a target if you're very ambitious, you'll end up hopefully getting it, but at least you worked hard to get it. And my approach was that even if I don't get it, at least I made a lot of effort and I gained a lot on the way. And all my life I was like that. When I was young I I I I trained in martial arts for many many years from the age of five up until after the army and I wanted to be, you know, champion in this and champion that. I had a target. I had a vision and even if I didn't achieve half of what I wanted, but I had the approach and the attitude that I didn't lose. I gained a lot on the way. I made it in win the contest. One time I was working out for me I was 16 or 17 and I was working out for some contest global contest and I was working and I wanted to win. And I was working out every day and my goal I was like I'm I'm winning. I'm coming back with a medal. I didn't win. I got disqualified because along the way when it came to the almost finals then it was remaining I think eight. There was like four matches two and you know how whoever wins goes next to the other one. And I so wanted to win that I did illegal whatever act and they disqualified me. In the beginning I was very upset. And I was like but I physically won. He's he's he's blacked out. Yeah, but you're not allowed to do that. And I was like ah rule schmoo. I I I knocked him out. You can't do that. I got disqualified. I was very upset. But later on my my trainer the sensei and later on the approach was like I might not won the competition. But how much I gained. I trained so much. I gained so much experience. I gained so much knowledge that I didn't lose anything. I might didn't come home with the title. So, the hell with the title. But I reached to the level what I wanted to reach. Okay, so I didn't want the competition. That's a good How do you say a good loser? You know how to lose good? So, why am I saying that? Because later on I wanted to be successful in business and successful here. And so I always was ambitious. So it it only worked with a with a plan. If you don't have a plan, it's not going to work. And after you have the plan, you need to know how in every step of the way to be criticized to criticize yourself, to be critical on yourself, to introspect to to see where you're holding. And again, repeats over the same thing. Who are you kidding? That's rebuking. It's not me going now to a rabbi and tells me how bad I am. I want to get to a point that I know where I'm weak, where I need to be putting more effort, more emphasis. Now some people they can't do it. They need somebody to come and tell them, "Excuse me, this is where you failed." The majority of people can't take the rebuke. They don't want to hear it. Who are you to tell me where I'm doing wrong? Look at yourself. To reach to a level that I know to accept the rebuke, then like I told you first one needs to master the fact that they you need to be humble. They need to take the second bumper sticker is you're not that great. Because when you understand you're not that great, I know it's not really motivational cuz motivational is that you you can be the greatest, you can be the top and but I think it's more motivating by saying you're not that great. Work hard, maybe you'll be great as you want to be. But that's going to be applied to your spiritual growth and your diamond polishing, your refinement of your character. Is bring yourself to the ability to understand that I in order for me to grow, I need to know exactly where I'm standing and not to live in some la-la land in some illusions that I'm doing so amazing and I'm so successful and I'm and I'm Hashem loves me and no, you're not that great. You have a long way to go. And again, the second voice that echoes is who are you kidding? What Why are you pretending? And next to people next to people who pretend we're amazing. How people behave in public and how they behave in private, total different person. I told you already the test to that put music now. Play some music now in a room and you'll see the people like, you know, put the exact same song in your room when there's nobody there. You don't just move your shoulders. You Suddenly you're like No? Yeah. When you're by yourself in your room, you dance totally different than how you would dance next to people. So, you have to be true to yourself. And I'm not telling you now to dance next to people however you want. Dance in the house however you want. I also put music on and close the windows and dance how I want to dance when there's no people looking. But that's the concept. Next to people I'm calm and I'm nice and I'm very polite and I speak nice. At home total different person. But that's applies to everybody, right? At home you scream a lot and in the street and in public you're such a nice person. Yeah. Very refined and very polite and but behind four walls suddenly the true you comes out. And again, that's where you tell yourself, "Who are you kidding? Who Who are you fooling? You're making a show now to the public?" Be who you are, but realize who you are. When you realize that, you are ready to start accepting your own rebuke, the rebuke from our sages, rebuke from Hashem, rebuke from other people. I told you one story and I'll finish with that. There's one time I had a certain individual who worked for us as an employee, who was a volunteer in the organization, who was a student, who was many different titles in the their existence. And that individual had the courtesy, but yet also the courage to approach to me one time and tell me something bad that I did. Some behavior pattern that that individual thought it would be beneficial for me to know that I'm doing as the Talmud says en adam bo eni ge atzmo. I don't see my own fault. I don't see what I I I don't see the dirt that I have on my face, okay? You have to come and tell me. So, this come this individual comes and tells me something that I do. And I didn't show it, but I was very upset. To a point that if you if I was a cartoon, then steam would come out of my ears and my nose. That's how upset I got. Inside was like a volcano. Outside Las Vegas poker face. Oh, really? I didn't notice. But inside I was about to explode. Luckily I didn't say anything, didn't react, and didn't explode. I told the person, "Thank you so much for pointing it out." And then I went home. And for the first hour or two I wanted to to bang the head of the wall. I didn't know what to do with myself from the anger. And then came more anger. How dare this person TELLS ME THAT I DO THIS I got so upset. Then I had to start with a shana ra. Tell my wife, "You know what that person said?" I was going berserk. And after a few hours of not working, not eating, not learning, not doing anything, not being productive, and being very upset, start breathing, inhale, exhale, calming myself down. And I said to myself, "Why are you so upset?" And I answered to myself, "Because she's right." Whatever the person says was on the money. And the person was right. So, I got upset. Can you imagine how long it took me to calm myself down, to come to the place of saying, "She's right. I'm wrong. That's why I'm upset." Do I have the right to be upset? No, you should be jumping from joy that some person had the courage and yet also the nerve to come and tell me that I messed up. Can you imagine how many hours of self-refinement it took me to bring me to the place of coming and telling the person, "Thank you so much. I appreciate your courage and your boldness and I appreciate that you came and told me how bad was what I did." But that takes a lot of work. Instead of me firing her, kicking her out, whatever it is, it doesn't matter. Cuz in my mind, that's what was in my mind. I'll fire her now. She's not working for me anymore. SHE'S BANNED FROM MY CLASSES. I'm going to ban her in Facebook AND YOUTUBE AND I'M GOING TO show her. So, in order for me and sorry, and what's the result of this entire encounter? Refinement. Accepting that I am not that great, accepting that I messed up, and I need to change. Cuz if one person is affected by that, that's enough. And if two or five or 10 people are affected by that, that's bad. It's not about being in Oh, it's so embarrassing. It's not about being embarrassing. It's bad because you don't want to behave like that or do whatever it was. It wasn't that bad, by the way. It wasn't But it was bad enough. So, the point to take from that before we start the entire chapter, which the first gate is focusing on rebuke, but is if you go if your goal is to spiritually grow, which it should be your goal, it has to be your goal. If it's not your goal and it's not part of your daily activity, you're missing the entire point. I need to grow spiritually. I need to come with some type of results to the Kadosh Baruch Hu because I'm going to get judged for so many things. At least come and say, "But look how good I I I did. I tried. I put effort. I wanted. I thought. I dreamt. I desired." And I wasn't maybe successful, but I tried. So, the foundation of my spiritual growth is to know exactly where I am. Where Where am I holding? I'm not here. I'm here. I have a long way to go. That can only be achieved if I can introspect and look at myself and put a mirror in front of myself and chant, "Who are you kidding? You're not kidding anybody. You're not lying to anybody. You're not that great. You have a long way to You're doing good. But you have a long way to go and the right rebuke comes with a little bit of sugar, but it's telling you the truth as it is and nobody likes to hear the truth. Well, nowadays, people are more ready to hear the truth. Most people still don't want to hear the truth about anything. Whether it's their the current situation in the world, whatever it is. People don't like hearing the truth. And when you talk the truth, it hurts in the in the ear. So much more so when the truth is directed on you. That's why I told my wife after Yom Kippur, I'm going to stop lying because if you lie in a very refined way, then you're not accepting the reality. And when you accept the reality, it doesn't matter right now if you translate it to failure or like I told you in the competition. I didn't translate my disqualification as a failure. I was upset I didn't win, but I took it in a completely different way that the desire to win brought me to a whole different level in my in my level in my training. I didn't win. Okay. But I didn't get lose anything. Laugh I I grew a lot. That's a healthy approach. Same thing here. If I manipulate the reality, not accepting the truth in the rebuke, then I'll never grow cuz I put myself in a place where I'm not really I'm not really at. That's why it's important constantly to know to where am I holding. That's why our sages say to have it at tochacha, like the rebuke, because it's what makes you better. And you would want to know when you have dirt here or something is sticking out. I told you the story with my pants sticking. I told you that a million times. I'm going to repeat it now. But nevertheless, you when something's wrong on you, you want somebody to point out and say, "Hey, you have dirt on your shoulder. Brush it off." So, b'ezrat Hashem, we'll have to continue next class with actually reading from the text and seeing the approach. I mean, cuz one can take this class as a stand-alone class and say, "Okay, I got the point. I'm going to rebuke myself once a day." Okay. Very few individuals can actually take it, apply it, and be successful. You need what he's writing in the text, how to be rebuked and on what. Because my rebuke is different than yours. And each person is a completely different rebuke and I need This is kind of like a guide. What do I need to focus on to understand? If I have an issue with anger, what do I need to focus on? If I have an issue with jealousy, I need to be know what I need to focus on. The rebuke is not going to come and tell you you didn't wake up to pray in a minyan. That's not the rebuke we're talking here about, by the way. Or the rebuke is not going to come and tell you, "Listen, you gossip all day long. Stop." That's not rebuke. It's just telling you off. The rebuke is making you realize that you're doing something that is wrong or inappropriate or worse, that is a sin. So, if you're in denial, it's not a sin for you. If you're in denial, then you don't think it's wrong. I didn't do anything wrong. The whole world is wrong. I'm fine. That's denial. So, the right rebuke is to put you in the right perspective by saying, "Oh, I didn't even think about that. I didn't notice that." Now, if you have a too much of an arrogance and an ego, this whole thing won't work. The only way to change is if you humble yourself by saying, "I want to change." I want to do something. Give me the tools, I'll change it. So, b'ezrat Hashem, next class We're not going to go through the entire gate in one shot. It's Unless you know what, if we start right away with the text, long class, we can probably do the one gate in one shot. We'll see how it goes. Sometimes it's better to do explanations and examples. Takes longer, but you get the point. But what you need to take from this class is that two important things. A, I came to the world with a purpose. The general title of the purpose is to refine myself in any aspect of my life. And the second thing is that I cannot reach to that goal and purpose if I don't have the right guide, the right tools. And a fundam- a fun- fundamental part of it is constantly looking on myself exactly where I'm holding. So, if I need to apply the the the the first thing I need to know about my spirit my goal, my spiritual goal, my spiritual growth, that needs to be internalized. That's number one. Even if it takes you a year to internalize and to figure out, you have to ask yourself a question every morning. What is my goal today? That's what I ask myself. What's What's today? Today is Wednesday. What What What What is Wednesday today, whatever the date is, November 16th, what is today going to be on the map, on the calendar? It has to be something and I'm not just waking up to eat breakfast and go to work. It has to be a celebration. I did something today, something significant today. And don't put You don't have to put yourself so much pressure, but every day needs to have a huge effect on your life. We're now learning about Avraham Avinu in the weekly parashot. It says about Avraham Avinu, we read that every week, right? Avraham was old and he came with days. Don't read it as old. Don't translate it as old. Zaken means wise. Avraham was wise and ba ba'yamim means that every day he lived to the fullest, the fullest potential. He didn't watch Netflix. Every day was to the maximum capacity. Now, this is not expected from us. Avraham Avinu was one of a kind. But I like to look at the end of the day, how much of the capacity of the day I achieved. 20%? 30%? 90%? Most people, it's 2% what they achieved in that day. Wasted day. Very few people can say, you know, 30, 40% I I I squeezed in a full day. Some of my days, I can tell you ends and I look back at the day and saying, "Wow, what a day." Some days, okay, I I I didn't didn't didn't do much. But, at the beginning of the day, and again, everything has to be done in a positive attitude, not in a in a negative heavy attitude. In the morning, what am I doing today? What is my task for today? What does Hashem want me to achieve today? And sometimes it's one thing, by the way. Of course, you have your daily prayers, daily daily meals and so forth. But, one thing has to be achieved today. And sometimes it can be a small act that you are tested with being impatient and you were able to pass the test with flying colors. Today, you were patient. You didn't react. You didn't open your mouth when you wanted to. You held back. Whatever it is, I'm just giving you one example out of 5,000. But, the point is that the mindset has to be that my time is valuable. How am I using my time? How am I not losing my time? What is my purpose? I work You see, everything with me is lists. I have papers. I mean, that's me. Doesn't mean that it's it's good for everybody. I have lists. I write everything down, everything. I have a weekly schedule. Motzei Shabbat, after Shabbat, I take a piece of paper. What am I doing Sunday? What am I doing Monday? What am I doing Tuesday? My day is calculated. And I'm not that I'm able to achieve 100% of what I want. I achieve usually 40 to 60% of what I write on the paper. But, I go by a certain guide. And what I didn't achieve rolls over to the next day or to the next Sunday. But, but in Motzei Shabbat, I take half an hour, drink a cup of coffee, write down. What What is this week I have to do? Now, if I was able to produce 50% of what's on the paper, baruch Hashem, I was able to be productive. My time is valuable. People send me all day long all day long. People send me all these videos. I know the vaccines are poison. You don't need to send me 5,000 videos every day of every doctor that I figured it out. I know about the plots of many individuals. I know. I don't need to see every video of Klaus Schwab. I saw them already. And this is again one example out of many. A lot of people are sending me videos of you know, inspirational Torah classes. Okay. Some I will watch. Some I said, "Listen, I I'm inspired enough. I don't need to see now so-and-so to inspire me." That works for certain individuals. Because I know what I need to achieve. And believe it or not, if in my lists, I can show you, there's also the break times when it's free time. Because I know in the free time, one of my seven kids will need my attention. Or my wife, or people on the street, or whatever. But, I And again, this system might not work for everybody. It works for me. That I have a agenda. It's not even an agenda. It's a How do you call it? Not a schedule. Uh something with an R. Not a routine. How is it called? What? No, no, no, no. Uh when you go on a vacation in a organized tour, itinerary. Thank you. I remembered an R. Itinerary. So, but you have an itinerary. 6:00 we meet at the bus. 7:00 we have dinner. It's It's 8:00 we do this. 10:00 is the tour. 12:00 Some people they go on vacation, they wake up at 1:00 and they go to see in the entire week one museum. Some people they they walk through the city inside out, up and down 700 museums. They see everything. So, life is like a tour. How How are you utilizing your time? And again, all that I'm telling you now is the highest way of achieving all this is this rebuke. And the rebuke is not how bad you are, you suck, and you stink, and you That's not what I'm talking about. Is putting myself in the right perspective where I am. And when I know to accept where exactly where I am, I know where I'm failing, I know where I'm succeeding, I know what I need to do to go to the next level. That's the approach. That's the rebuke. And but that has to come with the right angle of viewing things that I know how to put things in the right perspective. Cuz too much rebuke is not good. Some people, you know, some people they like to rebuke people. Rabbis, could be preachers, whatever. They bang you on the head how bad you That's not always going to work. It might work for a fraction of people. For a lot of people, they can't handle the the pressure. The rebuke has to be done in a very sophisticated way. The master of rebuking was Aaron the Cohen. He knew exactly when, how, how much pressure to put, how much to when to you know, even say a little bit of lies. Aaron the Cohen was the the master of rebuking. Somebody once told me that I met somebody in one of my tours. He told me, "Oh, you're my favorite rabbi. I see all your videos online and There's two rabbis that I love, you and Rabbi so-and-so." Okay. "I love both of you." Okay, fine. He says, "The only difference between you and Rabbi so-and-so is like, he's a butcher, you're a surgeon." He just He just cuts everything. You come quietly. No pain. You cut it open, do what you need to sew it. Everything is like a surgeon, but the job is done. They good. That's a nice way to define it. Some people need to be butchered. The majority just needs to understand exactly where they're holding and to understand that they want to do the spiritual growth. That's what I try to approach with my kids. To make them realize where you're holding, what you want to achieve, where you're holding, and where you're failing. For the person to use their own sense of You know what I do? Just the other day, my son wants a certain things. I will call it now rebuked him. And I I gave him, "This is what you want. This is where you are. This is what you're doing. Will you get what you want? No. Cuz you're not doing what you're supposed to do to get what you want. So, I'm not rebuking you. I'm telling you exactly where you're holding. And up until now, you're failing miserably. Do with this information whatever you want. You can be upset at me and not achieve what you want. Be happy with what I tell you, get the right guidance, and you'll achieve what you want. That's it. Very simple simple sequence and equation, right? That's a perfect class of rebuking my child with a lot of love, not hurting his feelings. He got a little bit hurt cuz I told him he failed. You're still failing. But, if you're upset, then then it's your personality. With that said, we have a lot more to do, a lot more to focus on. I hope this information can be Not can. It should be valuable and applied, but we're going to learn it more thoroughly and more detailed in the next chapter, which will include eight long gates and a lot of information that the hopefully the end result will be that it will make you a much better individual and a much better version of yourself.