The Life Worth Living - Mrs. Esther (Orlofsky) Lieberman

[Music] the time that we're in right now is a time that's called shiv these seven weeks from shabas naku until rash are seven weeks of where every ha Torah has a message of Hope and a message of what is the after Tish when hasm destroyed the B mikdash and left us here in Galos and the is girls that Hashem took out his he took out his anger on trees and stones but he left us alive he left us to live on because we have a mission to accomplish and that is the greatest coming to Rashana where the Hashem will then judge K so you all know most of you here were in seminary and others I'm sure heard that there's a concept when you go to Seminary Yesa it's called a AA is that thrilling experience that Adventure that you look forward to having every so often but we know a certain boy who came to Yeshiva and by him this happened every single week because what he would do was every Friday he would get dress for shabas and he would go to the K the TR the entrance to Jerusalem where all the buses leave to go out of Yim and also where hitchhiker stand because they want to get a ride somewhere and he would stand there and wait for a ride but then when a hitchhiker would come and say where do you need to go he would say wherever you're going and every shabas he would end up in a different neighborhood for chabas absolutely no plans from going with the flow he would find himself a place to be every week was a thrill every week was a as we say kids don't try this at home it's not safe it's not recommended at all but this is what he would do we know him very personally he's married with Children and he finished with those thrilling uh experiences Seminary girls on the other hand will call you up on Sunday and say hi can I come for Chavis in six weeks from now with a friend and you're like six weeks from now what month is it going to be then yeah whereas Yeshiva guys will call you on Friday morning hi can I come this shabas with six friends and you say what's your name what Yesa do you go to uh how do you get my number why do you want to come to me yeah so we understand that there's a very big difference between ending up somewhere or planning and finding the right direction Seminary girls they pass on these books of places to go to for shabas there's ratings this one has good food this one bring your own blanket you know and we understand that when you're planning something so much greater like life itself we don't want to find ourselves at age 60 and say so this is my life e so this is where I ended up so this is the flow that I found myself in sometimes it's a good one and sometimes it's not I understand I always like to say before we start dating is that so many girls end up marrying the boy that came up rather than marrying the boy they had always wanted to marry because I could find myself ending up somewhere or I could find myself in the place where I wanted to be in the place where I wanted where I thought of where I found the right direction to go in when it comes to life obviously when it comes to life obviously the tells us the beginning of and he says that a person needs to constantly think right what is my in this world what is my purpose in this world and I'm constantly what is my in this world what am I I here to do and what do I need to put my dreams and aspirations I'm constantly asking myself why am I here and where am I going every single day in our life is a search for meaning is a search to make sure that I'm planning and I'm going in the right direction now that I ask myself who I who am I I want to tell you what R desler says and it's aming amazing to view who am I and what my life is all about according to this Cesar of dler when I ask myself who am I and what my life is all about it's like the famous mother that's waking up her son to go to school and she says it's time to go to school honey and he said and she says but you'll be late you have to go to school so he says but I don't want to go to school but she says but you have to go to school she say but I don't want to go to school all the students hate me and she says you have to go to school and then she says I don't want to go to school all the teachers hate me so he she says but you have to go to school you're the principal yeah now clearly we got it everyone in the back the principal so what we understand yeah is that clearly this person gets up every single morning and this is his life yet a new day begins and he doesn't want to start his life he doesn't want to start his day so what is his life really all about who is he and what is his life all about Cesar of desler the way a person can know what his life is all about is by looking into his actions and realizing that there are certain things in life that we do with excitement that we do when we're alive we feel happy and excited to do it then there are many other things in life that we do because we have no choice we're forced to do it and we find ourselves dragging our feet doing these actions but we're not alive when we're doing them we're almost dead when we're doing them our outer emotions are doing them but our inner emotions are totally not there sayar of dler we need to look into the actions and see what are the actions that we do with a passion with an with an excitement that we feel alive doing and what are the actions that we drag our feet doing that won't point on what our life is all about like two kids who go to school from 8 to 4 or if they're Israeli from 9 to one yeah is in Israel we don't really do school so much like two kids who go to school from 8 to 4 and one one kid is there and he's taking notes and he's listening and he loves to learn and another kid is just there cuz he has to be there and he can't wait to come back home and play basketball and and and and play his his drums right so clearly one kid could say school is my life and another kid school is clearly not his life although he's there the same amount of hours Cesar of dler we have to look into our actions that we do with an excitement the actions that we do with a passion and understand that's our life and the rest of the actions that we do with no choice with no feeling that's clearly not our life say of desler now he says now within the things that I do with a passion and within the things that I do within excitement I need to ask myself how many of these actions are physical and how many of these actions are spiritual when I look into the way I'm living my life into the passionate actions of my life which will determine who I really am I need to ask myself how much of it is physical and how much of it is spiritual a student called me up a while ago and she told me I'm dating a boy we researched him he's a great boy he's doing everything right he opens the car door for me he pours me the drink he tips the waitress he says thank you to the security guard but how in the world am I supposed to know who this boy really is how am I supposed to know what he's really all about and I told her simply talk to him bring up conversations and I want you to look into his eyes and check or don't look into his eyes if you're not comfortable yet but check what he likes lights up about what excites him is it when he talks about sports is it when he talks about food is it when he talks about Torah is it when he talks about money is it when he talks about family is it when he talks about technology is it when he talks about people is it when he talks about hashkafa look at his face and see what excites him when he when he's having a conversation with you what brings that spark in his eyes and you'll know who he really is according to rler you'll know what he's really all about Cesar of dler now that I understand that the way I know what my life is all about is what I'm passionate about and within what I'm passionate about I want to see if it's physical or spiritual he says I understand that just like a body needs food in order to stay alive says the needs food in order to stay alive as well sayar of desler the and the Kad that I in insert into my actions the renewal the passion the that I add to my T that is adding a lacking of kadha to my that it didn't have beforehand giving my sustaining my with spiritual existence giving my life says that again like says just like my body needs food to live my needs food to live the food that it's getting is when I do the Torah and the mitos when I do with a passion when I do it with an excitement when I add renewal I add kadha to my n that it was lacking beforehand this is what gives me that spiritual existence that spiritual life now if you think about it the more of a spiritual existence that I have in this world the more of a spiritual existence that I'll have in the next world because is only based on whatever I did here is what I'll get there and therefore if most of my passionate life in this world is physical I don't have so much room in the next world because the next world is completely spirit spiritual but the more of a spiritual existence that I have in this world the more of a spiritual existence do I that I also do have then Ina my husband was just in Shool here in Forest Hills a few weeks ago and he was sitting next to uh a lawyer and he's called up to the Tor and my husband says they call him up in a bar mitzvah tune yeah he's clearly wasn't his bar mitzvah and they call him up y as if it's his bar mitzvah and he asked him after and he said is there something I didn't know about is this like the anniversary of your bar mitzvah and every year they call you up and he says no he says our Minh is that every time they call us up to the Torah they call us with azv why so just like it was so exciting for us to be called up to the Torah by our Mitzvah every shabas that we're called up to the Torah we should feel that same passion and that same excitement as we felt that day of our mitvah that's our Minh we know that Hashem created usim because we need to emulate the ways of hasem just like hasem is just like hasem is renewing this Bri every moment and moment we also every single day the Torah and the MIT should be alive should be renewed should be exciting should be passionate if this is really what's going to determine my spiritual life then our favorite friend or should I say enemy creeps crawls in exactly over here and this is our favorite enemy who's very old very wise tricky and sneaky thear himself if he knows that this will determine how much life how much spiritual existence I would have the more alive I am the more passionate I am this is exactly where he comes in to try and prevent that says the tells us the has seven names calls him ra evil we know that DAV calls him a t impure calls him a son someone who hates called him Evan a stone I understand you want to call thear RA evil and T impure but a stone itar is a stone he's clearly not just sitting there on the side of the road he's working hard to really get us to fall what does it mean that theara is called a stone sayar of Victor Miller because the Tara wants us to have leave Shan he wants us to have a Stony heart he wants us to fall in to a habit and a routine where he deprives a person of any feeling or emotion this is the Evan that the itahara is trying to do the itahara wants us to fall into this habit of routine of I really don't really care about anything this is really just what I do this is really just my life I don't really whatever I don't really think I don't really feel he wants us to fall into a routine of a Stony heart a shall EV and that's why tells us in he says I will remove your Le sh I will remove your Stony heart and I will give you a leave basar I will give you a heart of Flesh I will give you a heart which can feel Cesar V vior Miller the main focus and goal in our life is to acquire a la that fails is to acquire an emotion of Al basar an emotion of feeling and of caring a passion and an excitement in life yaku is fighting with the m who we know is also known as theara and he pins him down to the ground and he tells him I will not let you leave until you blessed me he says but I need to go give sing he says until you give me aa I'll not let you leave and he looks at up at him and he says what's your name tells him my name isov he tells him now your name is going to be changed from andov turns at him innocently and tells him tell me what's your name and the turns to him and tells him why do you ask me for my name whoa whoa whoa I did not know this was a touchy subject you asked me what my name is I told you my name is yakob you told me it's not going to beob it's going to be is now I'm asking you very politely I'm asking you back tell me now what's your name yeah and he says n please it's very polite what's the Tachi subject whoa why are you asking me for my name listen to what the SP tell us the SP tell us that that is the name of the Yara theara's name is l whoa whoa whoa why are you thinking why are you asking questions why are you stopping your routine why are you stopping your habit that is his name just like Evan wants us to be Stony hearted he looks at him and he says why you asking why are you thinking oh no this is this is the problem right then he gives him a and he leaves yeah the SP say one of the names of theara is samel therefore the letter representing the is a s the S is a circle the letter representing theara is in a shape of a circle because that's his goal theara wants us to go round and around in circles and get nowhere he wants us to live in Endless life of nothing he wants us to go round and around in circles and make the same mistakes when we that we made when we're 15 to make them again when we're 50 and we made them when we were 10 and we made them when we were five he wants us to go round and round in this vicious cycle of routine in this vicious cycle of habit of this is just what I do I don't know I never stop to think about it I never stop to think if this is the direction that I want to go in no direction and that's why the m is called a path that's straight because the point is to break out of that Circle and get on that Highway that has a destination to go somewhere to get a direction theara wants us to go round and around in circle and and not think and not feel to have a Stony heart not to have a leave basar a heart of of Flesh that can really feel when you see young parents a lot of times you see that there's a very big fight what was the baby's first word was it mama was it Baba or was it Dada depends what they call and the big fight is every parent wants the baby to say their name first every child want every parent wants to say the baby said my name first but in Israel there's something a little different in Israel every baby's first word is not even a word it's more of like a phrase It's and literally one of their very very first words is because that's the lingo they're hearing it all the time since they're in the womb they're hearing I don't have strength I don't have Co so that's really one of their first words so it takes away one fight in Israel and then when they become teenagers it changes to and then when they become old it turns to right but either way that's really pretty much the lingo yeah because that's really the lingo of of the generation the lingo of the generation that we like to say blah blah I don't care I don't know leave me alone I don't want to think about it don't get me into now philosophical discussions where I don't know whatever whatever right and that's very much the lingo I once talking to a girl about a certain situation that might might have needed some uh some and uh and I asked her what do you think about this situation what do you think about what we're talking about and she tells me um I'll tell you the truth I don't know I I don't know I never really thought about it this is just like what we do in our family I don't know we just like this is just like how we talk we like this is like what we say I don't know I'm like mhm um she tells me I don't know I never really thought about this is just like what like I always wore I don't know I never really thought about it what it's just like what we eat in our family I don't know Co I don't know this is just like what we do I don't know I don't forget when a girl told me she says I don't know this is just like how it is in my family like it's known that like some days you wake up in a bad mood and then like you're in a bad mood for the whole day and like I don't know that's just how it is in our family you know like okay I don't know I never really thought about it that's just how it is this cycle of I don't know this is just like how it is I never really stopped to think about it boom L that's the the power of thear don't stop to think don't stop to see it to evaluate if what you're doing is what you really want to be doing is it really where you want to be heading don't think the author of nuk used to say give me the greatest passionate most passionate Russia and I'm going to turn him into the greatest most passionate sadic cuz he has emotion but if you give me someone who's apathetic someone who doesn't care about anything there's nothing I could do to help him I can't I can't transform anything I need emotion I need something I need a spark so give me someone who hates Hashem and hates a Torah perfect I'll take him and I'll make him love hasem and love the Torah I'll turn him to the greatest sadic but if you give me someone who's Bloss someone who's who's careless who's apathetic there's nothing that I could really do I think it's very scary when this whole cycle andara of Evan creeps and crawls into our relationships into our most dear precious special relationships that we value and love and cherish theara with the name of Evan comes into these relationships as well whether a spouse a parent in-laws a sibling a child the tahara of Evan comes in to take the people who we care about so much who we love so much and comes in and turns it into this habit into this routine into this Stony heart that doesn't feel that doesn't care I always say how much effort and energy does a girl put into herself before she goes out on a date you all know here yeah and and and I won't forget when one student told me that before every date she goes to get her hair done because her hair is stick straight and she needs to get it curled so every day she goes to get her hair professionally done kids don't try this at home I'm not that's not what I'm saying right or her friend will do her makeup and she'll go shopping and she'll borrow accessories from the whole world CU she's going on a date right so she's putting so much effort into it and then when she's engaged how much thought and love and emotion goes into the letters and to the presence and to the working on communication I love when girls told me we had such a working on communication moment we spoke it through we worked it out on the dates on the on the excitement how much goes into it and then sha yeah is a is is a honeymoon of newlyweds yeah and then where does it go and then where is it all of a sudden where it just becomes this relationship of one big blah of of where's all that excitement that was there where's all the excitement that was there by the dating where where's all the excitement that was there when you were engaged in the beginning of marriage that's also thear of Evan he wants to come in and make everything into habit and make everything into routine and the point is for us to say no the point is for us to say I'm going to have a leave sh basar I'm going to make sure that I have time with my husband just us without the kids date nights I'm going to make sure that we continue with the compliments verbalizing expressing with the date nights with the gifts with everything keeping it alive not letting the Sahara take over that emotion children who owe their parents everything no one in the world ever did for a child what his parents did for him no matter how hard or difficult they were throughout their life no one ever did for a child what parents did for their child the rambam says just for the fact that a mother carries her child for 9 months the child owes her a aov his whole entire life a lifetime of aov just for the fact that she carried him for nine months I love telling that to my kids by the way and sometimes this is how you're acting after I carried you for 40 weeks and you for 41 this is how you're acting just for that alone yeah there's a a lifetime children that so respected and admired their parents when they were kids Mommy gave it a kiss and the boo boo disappeared mommy was everything and all of a sudden where did it go where's the emotion where's the love where's the expression where's the respect again thear of Evan comes into the relationship again comes in to destroy it to make it into Habit to make it into routine to make it not as special children who are thirsty for compliments for recognition from their parents parents it doesn't matter how old a child would be it doesn't matter what his parents judged him or were hard on him hard on him in his life he will forever be thirsty for their approval and recognition no one in the world can give a child approval and recognition like his parents can and he needs it from them a child who feels just tell me verbalize it to me tell me how much you love me tell me how much you care about me tell me how proud you are of me be excited to see me like you were excited when I was born where did it disappear to theara of Evan it's painful for me when girls tell me in seminary I'm telling you Mrs Li man I was talking to my mother and she wasn't listening to me she just wasn't listening to me she didn't really care I told her M got engaged and she said yeah I want to hear her shabas was I'm going to call you back she completely didn't hear me there is nothing that a child is thirsty for more than appearance recognition and love and approval and a relationship that's alive again theara of Evan that creeps and cwls right into there cuz he knows that that's the secret of spiritual existence that's exactly where he comes there was one night I was putting my Yakov my 5-year-old to sleep you all uh many of you know and like an average 5-year-old he said I'm scared to go to sleep okay we have to validate we have to listen what is he scared about and he says because lately every night that I've been going to sleep I've been having the same bad dream and he said I'm scared to go to sleep because I know that when I go to sleep that bad year is going to come again so therefore I'm scared to go to sleep right now so I said okay so let's try to think of good thoughts and of positive thoughts and hopefully your dream yeah first we tried to change the dream to positive so if the dream comes let's change the ending so it should be a happy ending but then I said for now to fall asleep let's try to think of positive thoughts so I said what do you want to think of oh you want to think of last week when we went to the amusement park went on the roller coaster went in the bumper cars so he smiled and he said yeah that's a good one okay I saw I I said maybe you want to think of a more relaxing thought maybe when we went to the beach of the waves and he smiles okay I left the room he calls me back a few minutes later and he says Mommy I know what I want to think about and I came back into the room what does he want to think about and he said I decided that I want to think of you and ABA looking at me smiling and doing like this winking and I thought to myself there is no greater feeling or emotion that a child wants to think about remember and experience more than a parent love that's alive and full of emotion there's nothing more important to a child than to feel that than to see that more than bumper cars and more than the and more than the beach that's what the child wants to think about that's the happy memory that's the happy thought he wanted to fall asleep too this past week someone showed me a very interesting article from the Harvard Business review and it was an article about something called disruptive innovation disruptive innovation was basically a business article that explains how businesses can really succeed because we think that there's a product out there and in order for me to come and get the and get the customers to come to me I have to bring the same product or maybe even a little better and make the price lower and they'll choose me over what they've been buying statistically it says it's not true why because the world is very used to what they have the world is very comfortable with the product that they already own so you'll come and you'll give me even if it's a little cheaper I'm still not going to run to buy it because I'm comfortable this is my routine I know how to use it it helps me already I know what to do he says what's disruptive innovation disruptive innovation is to come with a product and to show how this is completely different than what you had till now and you need this now for your life and it's amazing how the psychology works how they come to bring out a product and they turn non-customers into customers people who never thought that that's what they need it's a psychology of advertising get in a way of this is completely different it's not the same thing but cheaper now he says they'll also make it a little cheaper because that's Al always a but that's not the reason that they turned to the new product the reason they turned to the new product because it disrupts their routine the way of the world is that we get used to the habit and the routine of this is just what I do I don't know it's good for me it's comfortable for me but there's something better I don't know this is good for me disruptive innovation was developed in order to get into the psychology of the brains and right now in 2016 where we need to disrupt what we're used to and make a change and say wait this is something completely different it's worth it for me to go out of my comfort zone of what I'm used to doing in order to come and get this new thing sometimes Hashem has no choice but to invent disruptive Innovations in our life sometimes Hashem has no choice when he finds us living in this vicious cycle of routine and we're making the same mistakes and our entire La is a la sh Evan and whether it's them single people whether it's Nations whether it's the whole world Hashem needs to come with a disruptive innovation because he wants us to be customers and he wants to choose non-customers into customers disruptive innovation is also known as suffering hardships and challenges when we're going around in our life and we're living this life of habit because everything's good and all of a sudden a heart comes into our life the tells us in Hashem comes to bring you serum on Nations is it in order to give them no it's to teach man knowledge what does this mean what this means is is that when Nations or single people or the entire World fall into this cycle of routine and habit then Hashem has no choice but to come with a disruptive innovation C called yur and what happens when these yum H come our way is that we're forced to stop whoa there's a change whoa It's not habit it's not routine one second what's going on here and then all of a sudden we become customers all of a sudden we connect all of a sudden we come back and therefore this disruptive innovation called the serm is there to cause the mind to be stirred into motion because it was so blah and it's not there to come and give us to it's there to teach us what's is the knowledge and the recognition Hashem is here he wants to turn you from a non-customer into a customer that's all he wants he wants your attention he wants your connection he wants the relationship to become alive every teenager who gets a report and months from now yeah so she's sleeps in her bed and in the second bed in her room it's full of textbooks that are all there closed right for six months and the night before it's 2:00 in the morning and she's sitting with all the books open and she's writing away and her mother walks into the room and she tells her why do you leave everything for the last minute and she looks up at her mother and she says I work better under pressure when we're living our life of rtin and all of a sudden you Ser come our way we're running we're saying to H him we're running TOA we're taking upon ourselves 15 minutes of not talking a day we become alive it's almost like we're turning to Hashem and we're saying Hashem I work better under pressure I work better under Yim look I'm a customer look I'm here look I'm alive that's the disruptive innovation that Hashem doesn't want to bring upon us but has no choice and that's why the gar tells us obviously when AAR comes our way we dve in and we turn to Hashem of pink before thear comes before the SAR comes my way I should be a person who connects I should be a customer I should become alive I should revive their relationships with a Shas says the and parak obviously when a person is passionate and excited about a hasem he finds himself acting bizos running doing everything that he needs to do says but what about a person who's just not feeling it that's that's nice just I'm not feeling it I'm not passionate I'm not excited I'm just not there says he says that means that my emotions follow my outer motion therefore when a person forces his outer motion to act quickly even though he's not feeling it inside he will then light the spark of his inner emotion because our in emotions follow our outer emotions and therefore he says don't believe me when I tell you this he says I'm telling you this go try this at home see for yourself that when you're not feeling it you don't want to do a Mitzvah but you force your outer emotions to act quickly and to go do it quickly you light up that inner spark of passion he says but if you don't feel like doing it and you walk with a blah you're what we're doing is we're slowly making it less and less passionate that spark that was there in the the first place the maral tells us that the natural way and Order of our goof is not to do things quickly is not to do things fast the natural order of the Goof is to be in a walking position in a in a sitting position that's the natural order of the Goof and that's why the maral says that on shabis where the world is in a state of man in a state of shita everything stops everything's calm you're not allowed to run because your body can't be mishani from the cedar of Thea your body can't go against its natural way the natural way is that it should become but the says but when it comes to are doing it with a quick way with a quick motion is not considered to be a change and this is not going against the Natural Way of the world because this is the way it's appropriate to serve the way to serve is with a passion and with a and that's why tell us a person should always run to do a Mitzvah and how does it continue when else and even onab a person is allowed to run if it's a Mitzvah why because when it comes to Mitzvah I'm not being M from the I'm not going out of the natural way of my goof the natural way is to do it with a zus the natural way is to do it with a run and that's why I'm allowed to do it also on chabas when naturally I'm not allowed to leave the Sader of the world which is and right now says the M if when I come to do a Mitzvah or to serve Hashem I insert the and I insert the passion what I'm doing is right now is I'm saying no to the Goof I'm going against the natural tendency and laziness of the Goof and I'm having a moment he says every time I do that a world which is a life with no body which is a life of only every time I overcome that natural lazy tendency and I do things when I'm alive and I'm excited I am Z at that time like R told us earlier to a world of a spiritual life to a world that's completely n so like we said the point of is we always say the ways of the Torah is beautiful the way of the Torah is sweet the way of the Torah is happy that's the way of the Torah and the point is that we want to insert it this passion and excitement for y in every aspect of life and my my favorite example as you all know is roses I love using roses as an example because roses is a day that unless I say Hal and and say I I could not even know that it wases and especially as a y that was given to women the day ofes is a day that I can insert the passion into it and I could turn it into a special day and whether it's dressing in a nice way there's a girl here actually actually here and I saw her in seminary and it was rashes and she was wearing a beautiful shirt and I told her you look so beautiful and she said that's because we learned that rashes we have to dress nicer yeah because it's true we have to look nicer on roses whether it's making a nice meal for R KES whether it's making taking a trip with the kids because it's roses turning roses into a special day cotel whether it's a date night with your husband making Roes into a special day this is something that we insert into it as well this this month now fall on chabis then they say that you're supposed to make an extra dish for chabis yeah to insert the passion that's something that we have the ability to do and especially as women when it's chabis yeah making making chabas alive making chabas full of emotion the children looking forward to chabas and again whether it's everyone singing ziros together whether it's a special involving the children in the menu making their favorite food making a seating arrangement this kid gets to sit this meal next up parent that meal next up parent whether it's a shabas party whether it's a a special para question game that you make involve the children in whether it's D Torah we know a family that after a they go by and every child says thank you to the mother for something that she did for them this week yeah and then during the meal they say thank you to their father for another thing making it alive we know a family that has a pickle jar and every shabas meal they pass around the pickle jar and every child says Story how they saw has in their life this week and they take out a pickle we have the power to make to and mitz is passionate we have the power to make it alive we have the power to make it exciting the children should look forward to it we were went at a p theater where the the the father of the family took all the children a month before pesak and practiced a beautiful choir and throughout the Seder they stood up and sang songs with emotions and there was games in the middle of the Seder and they were acting things out and they were waved and they were crossing the Y I'm telling you it was the most amazing seder it was very geared to children but it was amazing to see how not one child fell asleep until the Seder was over I never experienced such a thing in my life because they were so there it was so alive the PES was alive and my son asks me every day when is khaka why do you want kanaka because I want to get a present every night okay whatever works but khaka is alive khaka is exciting KH is gonna be fun because we're gonna get a present every night I have the power to take Torah and mitzvos and make them exciting and the way that it it comes to however I feel that excitement with my natural tendencies to make it alive the P the power of is also like we say our table is bigger than their table it's not we can't do this we can't do this because we're Jewish because we're from no it's look at everything that we can do we're so lucky our table is so much bigger than their table what we have is so much more than what what what they have we don't need anything else we're so lucky it's so alive within us I remember when we first got married the first shabis that um that I cooked so I wanted to make a chicken soup so I took a big pot like this of chicken soup yeah the Chicken Soup pot right and I wanted to start Mak the chicken soup my husband said I don't know like we're really only two people so I said oh I mean this is the Chicken Soup pot that we've been making chicken soup in in my family like this is the chicken soup for shabas so I took it out and I took a small part and the pot and the tradition in our family is that you let it boil on Thursday night till you go to sleep because the more time it boils the better the chicken soup is so I put up the chicken soup in a small pot and I went to do whatever it is that I was doing and I came back from the smell the smell of burning the whole soup boiled because if it's a small pot like this so you can't let it boil till you go to sleep because it boiled out but I was so used to our table was big we always had a big pot of chicken soup that's the emotion that a child feels in his house and that's the emotion that we want to insert into our homes and that's the emotions that we have to insert today also before we're married that's the emotion that we have to constantly bring in ourselves The Passion of the excitement and every person does it in their own way the passion and the excitement of alive when a child grows up that Torah and mitos are alive they're passionate and they're exciting then Gamin then also when he gets older lowu he's not going to want to leave it because he's so excited by it because he's so attached to it because he's so living it LO meno it's not going to leave him so the famous mind reader the famous mind read reader that was coming to town everybody had heard this mind reader can read anyone's mind and he knows what you're thinking he could see the Unseen he knows the unknown and we had one little boy and he was a a he was a wise guy and he says I'm going to prove him that he's not the greatest thing in the world I'm going to show him that he doesn't know everything his plan was to take a butterfly and to hold the butterfly in his hand and to come to him and to say Mr mind reader what do I have in my hand he say obviously he's a mind reader is going to tell me that I have a butterfly but then comes the good part I'm going to ask him hey Mr mind reader this butterfly that I have in my hand is it dead or is it alive if he tells me that the butterfly is alive I'm squish it my hands I'm going to show him the butterfly is dead and if he tells me that the butterfly is dead I'm going to open my hand and the Butterfly is going to fly out and I'm going to show him that the butterfly is alive and either way I'm going to prove him wrong and he comes to the mind reader and he says he Mr mind reader what do I have in my hand and he tells him my child it's a butterfly and he says Mr mind reader this butterfly that I have in my hand is it dead or is it alive and the mind reader looks into his eyes and says the answer to that question my son is in your hand and I think to myself there is so much in this world that is completely not in our hands there is so much in this world that is completely not up to us we didn't choose it we did nothing to do to we feel we don't deserve it it's not in our hands but this point is so in our hands this point of inserting excitement and passion into Y is so in our hands and especially as women who a woman is the Carisa bias she owns the emotion in the home a happy wife is a happy life for a reason because a happy life makes the home a happy home she makes the family alive she inserts it she has the power with everything she does she has the power to make her home home into a home that's alive and what I want to suggest is that when we all get up from this she we should all go and turn to someone one of these relationships that are so dear and so precious to us whether a spouse a parent a child a sibling a very close friend turn to one of these relationships that we turn into leel EV turn to one of these relationships that we take for granted we turn them into habit we turn them into this vicious cycle of routine the life is sucked out of it turn to them and say I love you so much you have no idea how much you mean to me wake up the relationships wake up the emotions and to take this emotion of passion insert it into the to the leave which will be a Le shabas insert it into Torah and mitos insert it into our life create homes of kadha create families that are living Torah and mitzvos alive make our our home into a home where theara is not a Evan where theara doesn't turn our leave into a Le shall EV where we have a Le B where we're not going with that vicious cycle of routine and getting nowhere at home where we're going on a highway a m which gets us somewhere to turn our life into the life which is worth living may we all be [Applause] Z