The Laws of Koshering Utensils -- and of Koshering Souls - By Rabbi YY Jacobson

the yeshiva dotnet today's Shearer is dedicated in the memory of Rebbe of her avec Eva Ben Harv of ROM Benjamin Silverberg whose yard site 33rd yard site was yesterday on Kimmel Thomas the 23rd day of Thomas he was the son of a Jews known as the Pittsburgher of who served for many decades as a famous robbing Pittsburgh and a very fiery Guerra costed very close to the basest role in the life simcha and a very great askin and an IV Cyril par excellence and among many other things he founded the Geary yeshiva Yoga Delta and funded it for many years with their philosophy of believing that every student should be focused on and made sure that he blossoms and grows and his son told me that one of the teachers came to him and said that in his class he has ashlashtik hind' a bad a bad child he told them in a classic Polish Agera accent he said vice us to do she left them alum them why such a douche left the lted and she tosses off leash left the kinder this may be such a thing as bad teachers or bad parents no such a thing as a bad child today we're going to explore a story in parshas Matos at the surface one would not see much personal relevance to their lives in this story but upon deeper reflection it's maybe one of the very valuable lessons in life a little background the Jews go to war against a nation called Midian Midian under the direction and advice of Balaam has strategically planned that the mice of the Jewish people and the Jewish people go to war against Midian they come back from war with a tremendous amount of booty spoil and plunder so the Jews returned from war with an enormous amount of booty including many food utensils what happens now is something very interesting al-ahzar haquyen aren already as you recall has passed away he has been succeeded by his son Eleazar who became the new high priest in new clang goggle al-ahzar greets the 12,000 soldiers who went to war on che cazzo vu he greets them and he says those who Cassata receive Ashima SMERSH this is the ordinance the statue the law of Tyria that hashem commanded mush and I quote ah huzzah sarvasah kesef Rasik asif as a malicious as Jabara zone as up till this high forest called overachiever h v / hv tire vocalist a larva beige toffee robe Amalia the gold and the silver the brass and the copper the iron and the tin and the lead whatever in you was used in fire you shall pass it through fire and it will be clean whatever is not used in fire you shall pass through water and it will become clean it's really marvelous to see the impact of one biblical verse 1 or to pursue command Paris mattis which contained the guidelines of Eleazar aquaian to the people who came back from war essentially constitute the foundation of the halacha is the long-standing rules and techniques of capturing of cleaning cleansing all food utensils it all originates in this these two verses that Eleazar speaks that communicates to the people coming back for more what is he really saying here like everything in Hamish is brief cryptic concise enormous amount of information is contained within one or two short verses sometimes even less but from this when you flesh out the text when you dissect it when you analyze it and when you get the full understanding of it one has here the entire blueprint and manual for the halacha is of cotton ring that are still used till this very day three thousand more than three thousand three hundred years later to give a brief outline of what allaha we learnt just now from what Eleazar Colleen said first of all he introduced various materials he spoke about gold and silver brass copper iron tin and lead he spoke about utensils that are used in fire and you have to pass them through fire called Ave Ave by HIV rubbish he spoke about utensils that are not used in fire and then them you have to pass through water taffy roba Maya what is he referring to we all know that the laws of kashrut the laws of culture dictate that certain foods are prohibited for Jewish consumption so that would include a milk and meat mixture we call bosibl olive lisa vassal debacle avi don't cook the goat in its mother's milk or other forms of meat and milk cook together of course it means meat flesh from an animal that doesn't have the signs of cashiers due to permitting signs of split hooves and an animal that regurgitates its food that chews its cud of course it also includes a culture animal but it was not slaughtered probably according to the hollowface it died naturally or was killed any other method that would also of course be not kosher the same is true with uncultured fish meaning fish that don't possess the to culture signs of fins and scales for example shrimp or crab etc these are the basic examples of food that is not suitable for Jewish consumption that's step one but here in motto is that's discussed and partially impartial Serie A but step two is what is introduced and parshas matters and that is a person has a pot and the pot is kosher but the person happened to cook shrimp or a non kosher piece of meat horse meat or even chicken or a kosher cow but it wasn't shafted it wasn't slaughtered according to law so just a chicken that died and this chicken or non kosher meat or non kosher fish is cooked in an otherwise kosher pot you're not eating that food somebody else ate the food and non-jew used a pot but now you want to use the pots for your own meal what we learn here at la siroque I introduced a new hollow and that is that the taste and the flavor of the shrimp gets absorbed in the walls of the pot so later when you cook your kosher food in this pot the kosher food will absorb the taste of shrimp or the taste of non kosher chicken or whatever else Hmong culture you cooked in the pot and this will render the new culture food not kosher what can be done in such a case so the first thing you must do is as the telegram from Sprint sir from Pinsk to her cousin in America begin worrying details to follow the first thing you have to do is of course you have to worry what do you do then you have to go about the cautioning process what's the kashering process you need a purge remove the prohibited taste from the utensil which will render the utensil the Kayle culture again and then you could cook in it as well as much and as long as you want what is the mechanism of this law this is what allows our client introduces and parshas matters and it's encapsulated by our sages in three words Kabyle a cough polti which means as it was absorbed stole it is expelled kabylie from the word live lola to swallow to absorb just as it's absorbed that's how it is it spits out pilot means to spit out to expel to admit the same process the same mechanism that was used for absorption into the walls of the utensil is the same mechanism to be used to expel the taste from the walls of the utensil because Kubelik acts palta just as it absorbed at the same way it will expel it what does this mean if the prohibited taste was absorbed by cooking it in boiling water so I took the shrimp I filled up a pot with hot water i heated the hot water and now I put in the shrimp and it gets cooked in the pot or whatever else and the other non kosher food in the pot so the way it got absorbed into the walls of the pot was through boiling water not directly with fire the fire is under the pot the fire is under the pot the fire and the food are not directly in contact rather it's the hot water the water becomes hot and it's the water that allows the molecules to expand in the laws of chemistry and the food that tastes to be absorbed so then in more immersing this pot in boiling water will extract will expel any taste left in the pot the same way it got in is the same way it creeps out how did it become traif through hot boiling water which transferred the flavor into the pot that got absorbed no problem take the same pot fill it up with hot boiling water and the taste will be expelled however if the utensil absorb the prohibited taste by being used directly over the fire for example you're making a bonfire or you have a barbecue and you have a non kosher hot dogs sausage or piece of steak or piece of chicken and you take your spit your metal spits and you put it into a piece of non kosher meat and you broil it and you grill it over the fire now this spit also absorb non kosher foods the flavor of non kosher food but how not through boiling water directly through the fire this spit was in the fire the flames transfer the taste into the spit now it has to go through a process called Leoben Leoben means you blowtorch the spit until it becomes white-hot blowtorching will expel the flavor of the non kosher steak from the spit we're in the first case you can cleanse your pot through means of what we call hog ala versus Lee moon you immerse the pot in boiling water this will extract the taste we're in the second case it's not enough to fill up the spit fill up a pot of boiling water and put the spit in the hot water will not expel the taste you need the fire to expel the taste and therefore you need a blowtorch it in order to expel the taste if a vessel was used with strictly cold items I have a non kosher cold beverage for example water would never be non kosher but if I have a wine that's non kosher or sometimes you can have other beverages that are not kosher in case of arlo whatever the situation is trauma so in this case what happens is the contact with the better with the cup was there was no hot water there was no fire was just used as a cold item it's a cold drinking glass that was used with a non non kosher called beverage then what do you do you have to rinse it with cold water you rinse it with cold water and it becomes kosher the way it got in is the way it gets out this in a nutshell is a summation of the cash sharing process at first glance it would seem that these are locusts are extremely technical there relevant if you're making Pesach which is not something a Jewish woman should make but if you happen to be making pacer and you don't know if you're another pacer kitchen you don't have a whole other set of cutleries and dishes and pots and pans and cups etc so as you remember from your mother and your grandmother and plenty people still do it today the nights before pastéis especially the night before paces when crisis reaches the crescendo and the spaghetti hits the fan the great moments of cashiering have arrived and the pots the big pots are filled with boiling water and the spoons are throwing in and the bowls are thrown in and the cups are thrown and the backers are throwing in and whatever you can throw in as the bubbling hot water extracts the last vestige of comets flavor in these pots and utensils and they become wonderfully costella pesach but that is only if it is a utensil that absorb the comets through hot water not a utensil that absorbs the comments through direct contact with fire so on one level these are the laws of contouring that apply to the culture kitchens and they have applied to kitchens for the last three thousand years including today as we stand many thousands of years later but the same a locusts are still applicable but today we want to go one step deeper or maybe two steps deeper and that is every halakhah in all of Judaism every law every Mitzvah every tradition every ritual every custom and every commandment can be understood on two levels both legitimate both true both authentic one is not at the expense of the other the concrete and the abstract the physical and the metaphysical on a body level and on a soul level the heat sonia's and the premier's on one level you're dealing with a physical concrete behavior as in this case you take your physical pot you throw it into a huge pot boiling simmering with bubbly hot water and it gets cautioned or you take you spit then you blowtorch for you you blow towards your counter whatever it is but there is also a soul level two the Mitzvah what's called in Ashe Ummah of the Mitzvah the soul of the halacha in additional to the practical guidelines of the law it also holds pearls of timeless wisdom a blueprint for the internal intellectual emotional psychological and spiritual composition of the human psyche that means every hell offer could be studied on two levels practical and emotional one I could look in it as a law of what I'm supposed to do in my kitchen or what I'm not supposed to do in my kitchen another way of looking at it is and again it doesn't exclude the first it just adds to the first is it doesn't only give me guidance about my kitchen it also gives me guidance about my life my soul my mind my life as a human being as an individual as a Jew as a human being as a father as a mother as a husband as a wife and as a person myself as a drew myself these hell office are no exception the laws of cashiering taught by the laws of the high priest over three millennia ago to soldiers coming back from Midian embody fundamental psychological emotional and spiritual ideas that can help us here and now today navigate our own lives and it is this dimension that I want to begin to explore today because this Holika that we just learned reflects three ideas number one the inside counts that which is beneath the walls invisible in the walls is significant number two whatever you absorb you can expel number three the process of extraction is similar to the process of absorption all these three hollow Haas Eleazar taught you have a clean utensil it came from India looks beautiful no you have to know what's behind the walls don't only look at what you see look at what you don't see number one num - even if you know there was a lot of trade for food here and Midian was not into Glatt Kosher or even Mehadrin certainly not my aluminum Aharon or even basic cold culture and you may think it's a hopeless utensil it's not a hopeless utensil you absorbed it you can expel it it came in it can go out there's no such a thing it came in it doesn't go out you have to know how but it goes out and number three how does it go out to boil a catapult just as it came in in order to appreciate this let me first ask one more question the question may be technical to some but as I'm pointing out today what seems technical on one level is far from technical on another level it's just that Judaism needs to be taught and understood in a holistic fashion holistic Judaism means holistic is a combination of two words ha logic and mystical when you have how logic and mystic you have holistic so some people only identify how luck of Judaism meaning everything is just a technical law red lights and green lights this you do this you don't do this you do this you don't do this you can do this you can do this you could do Bashar Sarcoptes you do but they ever this ended up killing which is vital which is important but then there is also appreciating that every one of these laws is really Teresa nefesh it's part of Hiva salah whathe it's part of the emotional and spiritual journey of the human being so I want to introduce one more question when they came back from war with all this booty with all this plunder and laws there speaks about the laws of Castro's he gives over the halacha that we just discussed then moisture speaks to them about splitting up the booty between the people who went to war and the part that went to the Cayenne him to a la siroque ayan and gets into that whole process at the end of it all at the end of this whole story the generals the commanders who led the battle come to Moshe and say we counted the heads of all the people who went to war learn if Academy menu ish nobody was missing there were no casualties and therefore we decided to bring a carbon and offering Tasha and they brought golden utensils as an offering at sada which are feed bracelets stomach and bracelets ugly little earrings Kuma's was a unique a unique part of jewelry that was placed in the modest part of the body Lahari on after a st. Olaf nigh Hashem to atone for our souls before God so Moshe and Eleazar take all of the gold that these generals and commanders brought as an offering the interesting thing here is that this offering is discussed after the laws of car sharing after everything really you would think they come from war and they say listen there were no casualties you count your people no casualties amazing let's bring a carbon it only happens much later first he tells everybody the laws of kashering which is about what you do with the vessels and then the laws of taxation and how this plunder is going to be divided after all they come and say by the way there were no casualties we want to bring a carbon shouldn't've this happened right when they come back for more before this whole lecture on how to counter the utensils which seems to be another chapter after the war only when we can appreciate that the whole office of kashering are not only about capturing utensils but also about cash sharing people car sharing souls and you know car sharing utensils is also hard but car sharing souls are sometimes a little harder can we appreciate the sequence of events in this parsha so we begin with step one the inside counts we continue step two what you omit what you absorb you can omit step three the mechanism is usually identical more than three thousand years before the birth of psychoanalysis and the so called discovery of the subconscious the tire is teaching us here that one cannot only look at the actual visible food in a utensil is it kosher or not kosher you also have to reckon you have to pay credence to the invisible taste and flavor that hides beneath the surface it hides in the walls of the pot and nobody sees it because the pot is clean absolutely clean it's behind the walls and why is this so important because it's not like it's gonna remain in the walls forever when you cook your next dish it's going to impact the dish it's going to emit suddenly it's going to release its flavors and it's going to be absorbed in your new dish what does this represent on a spiritual level some of us sometimes make the mistake of thinking that the key important factors in life is to make sure that everything looks good on the outside and as long as it looks good on the outside and the behavior externally is perfect that suffice is to make a pot kosher but that's not the case one must be extremely sensitive on what is happening in the pinna meais not only in the fitt sanyas it's not only what people see it's who we really are it's not only what other people will think about our children about our families about ourselves that is almost insignificant relative to what your children will think about themselves what do you think about yourself what God thinks of you who you really are what is behind my walls even if nobody ever sees it we often make a tragic error by thinking that if we clean up the pots and everything looks perfect it is perfect but that's not the case if you ignore what is happening in people's hearts what is happening in people's mind what is happening in the consciousness and then a Sharma of people if you don't address the full spectrum of the human condition if you don't address your children's emotions your children's inner world your children's inner beliefs their inner system their inner values if you don't address your own inner world your own inner values what makes you tick what drives you in life what is the source of your responses how do you live how do you communicate to people how do you function how do you operate not only if it looks good not only if you dress the part you talk they will talk and you walk the walk but rather Who am I truly as an internal human being penny me is dick which very few people know nobody sees it may be your best friend or best friends if you reveal it to them and sometimes even to them you don't say it that's weird I sometimes lose focus from to the detriment of myself and the people around me because whatever is inside will come out it may not come out tomorrow but it may come out in a year and may come out in ten years and if the infection was ignored it's gonna be very difficult often to deal with how often do parents ignore challenges their children are going through and they just marry them off with the faith will marry him off or marry her off and everything will be good now sometimes I should say there is wisdom to the idea that not everything has to be analyzed not everything has to be theis ected sometimes you move on and think straighten themselves out but you have to be very careful that that decision was coming from a place of empowerment of sensitivity of deep deep awareness and knowledge that this is really the best route for this person if other considerations are playing Roah namely what are people gonna start saying about this 25 year old girl or this 25 year old boy how is it gonna affect the other kids what's gonna be with the reputation of my family let's just get rid of him boom boom boom it's a nice family you know your child is dealing with something who's gonna deal with this when is it gonna come out how is it gonna come out don't ignore it it's not wise it's not the right thing it's not what God wants from you it's what happens here is I allow external considerations to prevail over what matter is what is truthful and who praised the price afterwards whatever is inside comes out I really have to think about the pinna meais of my child I have to think about my pious my insides and the same is true with every area in life sometimes in our with our own loved ones if they come they complain about something they display concern about something we want to make things look good fast fix just make it work even with your car it's a wrong mistake it's a mistake your car is malfunctioning you come to the mechanic and you say just make it look good rabbit said I could make it a little good but you have to travel now for hours you're gonna break down on the highway it's not gonna be fun leave it by the mechanic for two days no no no no no no I don't hang out by mechanics I don't go to these places I don't go to mechanics our family doesn't go to soul mechanics we were born perfect just touch it up a little makeup on the car here a little makeup there let it look good rabbits in the engine is fresh a mold these are professional the engine is messed up no no the engine is not messed up we'll drive yeah and gonna be good on the highway it's gonna get straightened out it's gonna see the other cars will be impacted by the atmosphere and want to do what the other cars do everything will work out I'll put it on the i-95 will go so it's a fire button so it's a kaiser it happened to me oh so you think I didn't have the same problems you didn't you never dealt with it and that's why the situation looks like what it looks the problem is the car would love to go like other cars it just can't it can't the engine needs help but the engine is invisible you have to pick up the hood who wants to pick up who pick suppose it's not for a Jew you ever saw drew picking up his hood or her hood and saying wow you see my car look let's analyze it we only pick up hoods when this crisis you ever saw drew changing a flat tire come on Alex long I should change the flat tire some people that have a flat tire they get down you see with a fuse with a passion they take out the jack two hours they start with the car the juice has a flat value like this who can I call get out in the car and fix your flat tire it's good for you a little exercise who can I call who can I sue this gun have gave me the card Gosselin Agana but if there's a flat tire so that's visible and then these things that are not so visible the same is true in people's marriages sometimes people tolerate things that should not be tolerated certain forms of abuse that are tolerated the main thing is it looks good sometimes a person does it from strength you're making the choice not from fear not from insecurity but very very often I'm hiding it and I do not acknowledge that it's real and when I don't acknowledge that it's real it's going to emerge with a vengeance and all the future foods are going to become traif they will be affected by this flavor because what is inside counts Judaism is not only about what I look it's much more importantly it's about who I am who I really really am in the inside of my personality do we address this in our schools do we address this in our homes is this the conversation around our Shabbos tables around our kitchen tables our casual conversations it's not only about homework not only about saying it vitória it's not only about getting good grades it's not only about having a good reputation looking good so you can get a good but I want to know who you are I want to know your struggles I want to know your story I want to know what you're dealing with I want to know about your emotions I want to know about your natural true self what's behind the walls even if nobody sees it that's where relationships happen that's where we connect to God that's where we connect to people that's where we connect to our spouses that's where we connect to ourselves that's where we connect to children rule number two if you can absorb you can extract people often look at themselves and their lives experience and we have absorbed various various flavors and tastes and some of us are all too aware of those flavors and tastes here we go now to the other extreme the first group of people denies that anything is behind the war or even if they can deny they ignore it or they repress it or they crush it or they may believe they were pressing it and crushing it just to make sure that the Train continues on its journey but then you have those who know about these flavors and tastes and experiences and they think that they're there to stay forever if I have absorbed certain attitudes perspectives fears insecurities maybe even I have absorbed certain messages or I lived in a way that caused me to do certain things inside my own system that I'm not even aware of and I only become aware of it ten years twenty years thirty years forty years later but now it's there and a person lived a certain way for twenty thirty forty years based on these life's experiences from childhood or from adulthood and right now there are a lot of things in me that may be negative or dysfunctional or challenging challenging tastes and flavors instincts paradigms perspectives emotions comes the terror and says you need to know just as it went in it can go out don't think life is a one-way street it went in you say it went in right it went out the worst mistake is to believe that you were born damaged we don't believe in original sin although in some circles by us it looks like we do believe in it original sin means you're guilty till proven innocent you were born with the devil's influence you were born evil evil is inside of you now prove yourself that's not the Jewish faith that's not the Jewish religion you absorbed it at some point you absorbed it you can spit it out a drew once came to AB knockin a breslav he poured out his heart to his rubra and amid his heart-wrenching cries he says your ever my life is ruined I have destroyed my life Rebbe Nachman looked into his eyes and he said my son if you believe you can destroy then you have to believe that you can mend and the breslav hassidim turned it into a famous song in Mitama min shot Ayatollah calc el-amin shot I ahah Lolita can why do some people think that they have the power to destroy but they don't have the power to rebuild if you think that you're powerful enough to destroy your life why suddenly they become powerless thank you to rebuild your life he says let's say you destroyed your life wow you have so much power so you could fix it in my taman mini chocolate rock n dementia tire hello kal kal why do we think that this function or other undesirable traits or experiences are a one-way street and once they creep in they stay there forever that's not the case if they can come in they can go out you were not born dysfunctional you were not born damaged you were not born trave you were not born bad you may think today you were but that's part of the taste that was absorbed into you I am damaged I am ugly I am grotesque I am a loser I am not needed I am unwanted that is what you have to spit out that's not true we say in the morning how we were born at Lake I neshama shyness oughtta be to her ear he the sole that you have imbued with in me is Tahiry Tahiry means pure and make Tahiry means light to hero is light it's pure and it's full of light it's full of luminescence it's full of brightness at over rasa utter its art uttanapada it's full of lights it's full of confidence it's full of optimism it's full of possibility it's full of creativity it's full of ingenuity and it's full of potency alacrity swiftness joy it's full of it it's full of faith that was an interesting slip it's not full of it but full of full of these qualities full of powerful light infinite light you're a princess of infinity or a prince of infinity i absorb tastes okay I can admit it there was once a sugar a match that was proposed among two great Hasidic communities the grandson of the Holy Writ Bistro Regina the hailer condition are known as a bistro love rusian his grandson was to marry the daughter of rich read him another and a meeting was arranged between the hey the corrosion and the Caribbean over to discuss the proposal of the grandchildren so the rootedness as he says I've always maintained that youth his family lineage is a very important factor to consider in marriage proposal allow me leader Genesis to tell me to tell you it's read him enough to tell you about our family where we come from she says my in L 2 Zeta is given the halacha magan's episode Regina's great-grandfather was Ribera boys bear the market of miss rich the successor of the Baal Shem Tov my Zetas give ensign zone above rahamallah the market had a son whose name was above rum they called him the angel he was an angel the cigarette mines aid my great-uncle he says my elder feathers not from janaballah my fat is given at Mottola Chernobyl of the chernobyl of Margot knocking Chernobyl there was a student of the boss anthem in the market and so he goes on and on and yes this initiative felt an erosion there was no shortage of it so he turns to the potential market and he says hey look it's really mean NEVER now tell us about your lenient about your users so he says you know Deborah and my parents passed away when I was a young lad that was a child at the age of 10 so I don't know much about my itches because I didn't have the privilege of growing up for many years with my parents my relatives basically did not know what to do with me so at the age of 10 I became an apprentice to a tailor our schneider somebody was a tailor which was it was very important still an important job and it was an important job at the time and my tailor raised me he taught me a trade and he taught me what I know about life I was with him for five years and I learned from him two messages that guard my life to this very day my tailor mentor semi father would always say mend the old and take care not to ruin the new those are my two philosophies in life mend the old and take care not to ruin the new so the erosion has said the Cesare Goethe said oh this is a good uterus for me and they made this this was an important idea they were also told you how the original understood what a thesis some people think having a good family serves the purpose of covering up all problems then you should take your hiss and I'm not gonna say what to do with it but you'll figure it out then yes becomes a curse on the coffee and a curse on the collar it becomes a justification for malfunction dysfunction and obnoxious behavior or drew came to me he's in his 40s and he doesn't have bread on his table and I know him he's talented he's smart he's a good guy so he wants to meet me so I asked him to write the problem he wrote the problem trying no partners a bunch of kids can I not so we sit down and he tells me again the issue so I said you know can I suggest something simple like he says yeah I say did you think of getting a job he says it's out of the question I said why he says you know what my father's you know my say this you know my elders a do you know which family I knew the family he says in our family you can't just get a regular job you need a holy job a holy job I can get I had this I had this and therefore he won't get it so now I ask you this yes it elevates people destroys people the name of useless he lives a completely dysfunctional life wakes up 11 o'clock in the morning goes to sleep I don't know when and what the justification is holiness this is taking holiness and abusing it for yourself for your children what the illusion that meant to say was I had parents who taught me how to live they taught me how to be honest with myself when he heard from lips read him enough that he had a tailor who told them mend the old and don't ruin the new you have a new suit that new dress don't ruin it and mend the old this is what a marriage needs have the courage to mend the old don't throw it in the garbage mend the old and take care of the new if you believe you can destroy you have to believe that you can mend don't give yourself credit one way this is called the curse of Jewish guilts we give ourself credit only one way we know how to destroy everybody I'm guilty for my kids I'm guilty for myself I'm guilty for my mother I'm guilty for my father I'm guilty for my brothers I'm guilty for my sisters I'm guilty for everything really it's such a powerful person the whole claudius all is destroyed because of you unbelievable so if you have such power no maybe you rebuild your people it only works one way that's how you know it comes from the 8th Sahara how do you know guilt comes from the 8th Sahara if it's real you have so much power to ruin their life no so where's the power for positivity so come on take the reigns and bring in healing to life bring in light to the live oh no no no there I can't so in other words if I believe I have power one way I have power the other way stage three step three the process of extraction it's similar to the process of absorption could boil the card well could boiler crock pot this is all good to Shane all very nice and sweet or challenging or painful depends on who's sitting in the room and how you're processing it but the question is how does one go about expelling these dysfunctional qualities expelling these profound insecurities or fears or sense that my life has to be so filled with loneliness how do i rid myself of these inner problems can boil a catapult just as it got in that's how it will creep out let me explain psychology generally offers us two approaches one a very very general fashion because each approach itself could be subdivided into hundreds of branches and there are other approaches but I'm generalizing two very known doctrines one is the process called psychoanalysis basically the psychoanalyst will search for clues to discover the roots the roots of the tree what are the roots of your emotions what are the roots of your experience is what are the roots of your responses what are the roots of your behaviors or as the story goes a Jew travels on vacation in August to the Bahamas sitting on a beach he writes a postcard to a psychoanalyst and it says I'm here in the Bahamas I'm having a great time I wish you were here to tell me why a guy once walked into a psychiatrist for an appointment and he says good morning doctor I won't ask you how how you are how are you because I know how you are can you just tell me how I am so this is not so humorous it's really a profound process it takes a lot of courage to stop and ask myself what is the root of my behavior why am i responding this way why am i having such a negative response why is this so hard for me why am I so empty what what is going on and to be brutally honest with this it's difficult how many people are capable of this sometimes it takes people 20 years and they're not ready for this they're just not it's not a place where you voluntarily go as I said you don't open the hood of your car you don't come here and all open your hoods and say hey come check out my in their car it's not what we do it's difficult but at times it's vital at times it's powerful at times it's healing so when you'll come to your psychoanalyst or whatever form he or she takes on and you'll say I'm having a lot of issues with my mother I'm having a lot of issues with my husband or a lot of issues with my child others of my sister lunches my boss whatever it is the question will be what is it bringing up for you what is the route what is the source let's try to work it through it could take 8 months it could take a queex it could take 8 years hopefully you'll get somewhere but this form of healing has challenges it has a few challenges I'm going to mention two the greatest is will the patient be able to reach the source of the problem or will he get entangled and caught up in the journey sometimes you want to get to the destination but the journey is so complex into so many ditches you fall in on the way to one ditch another ditch another ditch you end up anywhere what happens also is sometimes people start worshipping the process they go to therapy just to be in therapy that becomes an objective in and of itself I am a problem case and I worship that and I won't stop I go from the gym to yoga to Pilates to therapy I score feedback to therapy because I have a second therapist and then I come home so sometimes you have to be careful not to worship the process you become almost dependent on the process that's another issue will the search help the person cure the problems or maybe take them deeper into it this is a challenge this is a struggle sometimes I just get caught up in analysis I have books on myself right I have books and books and books and books on me and my this and my that time I that I my dad am i there now live oh I don't do that I just analyze life and I'm good at analysis I have journals after journal how many journals do you have journals after journals you're writing these journals since you're five years old at this point you have a hundred and ninety nine journals and every day a new novel is written about your life with whole new experiences there's a value in in exploring and self exploring and journals and so forth but one has to know where is it leading them where is it leading them there was once a professor he was a not anatomy professor and he was giving a lecture in university to the students about how the leg and the foot functions now we take these things for granted right you want to walk bara Hashem you lift up your leg you put it down in your walk but do you know how many decisions have to be made by your brain in order to take one step do you know the synchronization that is necessary between the legumes and the muscles and the arteries and the sinews and the nervous system and the balls in order to be able to take one step your brain has a hundred million neurons and it's making a hundred million decisions every mili second governing 100 trillion cells in the body these numbers were not exaggerated who knows about this so this professor analyzed it and explained to them what has to happen in the brain and in the leg and the foot for you to take a step he finishes the lecture you know what happened everybody tried to stand up they couldn't they couldn't who could do it if I asked you right now I say I need you to make two hundred and ninety-nine thousand and nine hundred and sixty decisions at the moment for you to be able to pick up your hand you like do me a favor which only allows us to appreciate our bodies to allow us to appreciate the infinite divine wisdom that our bodies are born with it's incredible but that's the point if you analyze how to walk too long too much you won't be able to walk and sometimes what happens is I become so analytical I know myself so well but there's no self in the process all there is is somebody searching for themselves so it's like the guy from Kellum who used to wake up in the morning until he got out of his house to go to the office it took him two hours because he was a clutter you know what a crap serious a procrastinator couldn't find his jacket couldn't find his keys couldn't find his shoes couldn't find his hat I mean some of you you know what I'm talking about you may be that way I'll be married to that person whatever it is but it's always Leben ik to have a relationship with such a purse mom it's about seven o'clock tell them it's that's four and then you'll get there at 8:00 that's the clown and you'll never be upset again in your life every event three minutes early I'm a height that means three hours early and everything will work I'm notoriously late to the airport so I had a friend that was one traveling with when I was a yeshiva bocher so he once told me told me the flight two hours earlier I came a half an hour before the flight and I still had two and a half hours left it was wonderful and I appreciated it he appreciated it was good anyway this guy from Pelham till he got out of the house it was reckless he comes to the robbed of hello what do I do he says the night before every night you're in bed you're going to sleep take a pen take up and write down where everything is somehow the night before you know where it is your hat your shoes your pants your jacket your briefcase it great takes a note he writes where everything is and then he comes to number 10 I I am in bed he wakes up in the morning modani lefur Natha washes negative Arthur gets dressed takes out the list I'm a Shia in three minutes he and everything up to number ten number ten I I am in bed he goes to the bed to look for himself hi Elodie Nandi he's not in bed he looks under the blanket on top of the blanket onto the kitchen - kitchen under the mattress above the mattress he climbs under the bed three hours he's looking for himself he comes to the Roby says every day it takes two hours to get out of the house today it's three hours and I still haven't found myself he said you caught them or you Shia you can't be the self looking for the self it just doesn't work what happens orphan is psychoanalysis becomes a destination not a means not a journey and sometimes a person ends up somewhere in the abyss in the process there's another approach known as the behavioral approach the behavioral approach doesn't accentuate which try to focus on the problem and on the roots it focuses on leading the productive life on doing behavioral things that will enhance the quality of your life it focuses on positive behavior rather than on positive feelings now this has proven successful for many people however it has its own challenge and that as many people will often tell you their pain has not disappeared it just festered internally it caused them a lot of frustration and stifling from within because sometimes there is something very very powerful that I need to address sometimes behavior is the way but sometimes it's just there and if I don't go there if I don't address it if I ignore it I solve the problem for a day for two days for a week for two weeks but not heavily and the two approach is always butt heads they always butt heads in partials mottaz three and a half thousand years ago were introduced to a third approach the third approach is really today at the cutting edge of the world of therapy and halacha it's called three words Kimberly Kok palta the way it came in that's how it gets out what is this what does this tell you regardless of whether you embrace the first path or the second or a combination of both which is always more wise psychoanalysis and behavior there is a third component that should never be ignored because it often proves to be the most powerful in healing and recovery the principle is this very briefly the situation which allowed you to absorb the particular original attitude fear insecurity Drive emotion paradigm that situation or situations which cause you to absorb those tastes and flavors when you were 2 4 8 12 20 or whatever the age was they those situations in one way or another will return again you will find yourself in similar circumstances and when the situation repeats itself you will have the ability to do one of two things absorb the flavor even more or spit it out expel it so for example let's say you have a person who suffers from very deep insecurity due to the fact that a parent or a sibling managed to make this person feel meek you grew up in a home where you always in your own experience it's almost irrelevant about their intentions could be they had the intention they didn't have the intention but as a result of their behavior you come or you emerge as an adult feeling meek feeling insecure feeling crushed you're now allowed to be present you're now let it blossom you're not going to have an opinion you're not going to have feelings you know how to be basically for you to be loved you have to be gone for you to be you have to not be that's how you grew up anybody knows what I'm talking about if you don't god bless you if you do god bless you even more this is an experience this is very real some people will live their whole life 40 50 years based on this paradigm for me to be I must be not you know how complicated that is especially in the presence of those people who made them feel that way in their presence they completely cease to be you can analyze this for twenty years you cut and you'll get to the core of it and the core is not so complicated we can also focus on behavior behavior behavior but here is what we're learning now you will have a second opportunity probably a third probably a fourth probably hundreds of opportunities in which a similar situation like the first one will present itself this time around you're a conscious adult and the same exact thing that happened then will happen again now you have a choice either you can absorb that sense of meekness that sense of inadequacy you can absorb it yet deeper because every time you absorb it it goes one step deeper because it has to go somewhere and it's already deep so it goes deeper and deeper or you can spit it out of your system how by responding differently based on a very of how you would like to be based on a vision and enough value how you would like to be or how you really are or what this utensil really was before it absorbed based on that vision you will respond differently and what happens is you will extract from yourself slowly but surely those feelings so you see analysis and getting to the roots is a fine tool sometimes a challenging tool sometimes a problematic - sometimes a blessed tool for some people it's smack ulis and everybody could sometimes use a little bit of it behavior is an extremely fine tool but here there is a unique symmetry a unique synchronization or unique combination combination nothing is as powerful as confronting the same situation and this time around doing it differently and you might say what will doing it differently help if this is who I am the answer is Kabbalah kakapo tell you if a person can do it differently that behavior is not just external that behavior has a way of bypassing analysis and going to the core of the trait for flavor and expelling it sometimes when I analyze I can also get stuck in the process I have to sometimes bypass it rocket skip over it this is where behavior comes in this is the power of behavior behavior is very external but behavior is also very very deep but sometimes you just have behavior here it's not just behavior here it's behavior of Kabbalah Kabalah where the person approaches something and the whole process is coming back to them because who we are we take with us wherever we go in every conversation in every relationship and as it emerges again I'm not gonna analyze it but this circumstance is here once again in my life you absorb did at this moment this is the mechanism to spit it out so now when it comes back to your life usually you melt you go crazy you're like oh my god no no no this is your moment this is the moment when you can expel it this is the moment when you could respond differently in an opposite way and as a result of that it gets spit out the Rambam and hoses chuva rights as retrouver gomorrah what is real true ver what you did the first time a person who confronts the same situation in which he originally sent and he can repeat the sin again and he doesn't do it because of repentance out of a lack of Strait and out of strength not of weakness that's real true ver so for example if I have a proclivity to sin to lie fabric Liberty to lie in particular situations real repentance is not that I don't lie anymore real repentance is that the once again I'm placed in the same situation naturally my instinct says lie lie lie lie lie because this is when I always lie I said no I'm not doing it there are mommy says this is true of a Gomorrah this is real truth sometimes I can't do this because the situation doesn't come back again but this is true victim order but it seems unfair because people might not be given a second opportunity the answer of course is everybody every negative encounter every negative experience will come around again trust me God will make sure that the original challenge which caused you the downfall will present itself again in one way or another way this is your chance to respond differently there's never a situation that doesn't come back it comes back instead of melting remain steadfast and say this time the flavor is going this way not this way it's really the same thing that's only direction hold on to the flavor I'm holding on to the flavor I don't know how to get rid of it it's in my walls my choice is am i sending it this way or that way that's basically what it is this way means deeper yet that way means get out and just like it got in that's how it's getting out because this is the same moment I'm facing that I faced 25 years ago 40 years ago 50 years ago 30 years ago same exact moment but if I'm conscious of what is going on Paul toy I could spit it out somebody once said every time I closed the door on reality it makes sure to come through the window that's the truth by divine providence it comes back it comes through the window and if you study your life everyone here you'll notice that throughout your years every single situation experience encounter which needed mending presented itself again every encounter of yours every relationship every experience that needed healing presented itself again in one form or another but the issue was the same the struggle was the same the second time around I can be a fool the second time around that can be weak I can allow shame pride the fear of vulnerability to paralyze me and just remain the same paralyzed person and let this taste going deeper or this time around I could spit out the non-kosher flavors and become a free human being they tell the story about the hillock arab-arab may lack of illusions deny am Alamelu he was visited by a man who was childless for 18 years and he asked that the Rebbe bless him and his wife and daven for them Tasha that they have a child the hillock anomaly Melek said you know it says in safar him that sometimes when you hurt somebody you embarrass somebody you denigrate somebody and there is no forgiveness there is a negative energy in your life there is bitterness there is frustration ders hate and that sometimes can obstruct the channel the flow of blessings is there somebody you really hurt in your life and you never apologize to them he said they're ever known he said think think he said no I can't remember he says were you ever married to somebody and you left the marriage and there was no closure he says I was never married he says were you ever engaged to somebody you just broke off the engagement you didn't apologize there was no closure and there's maybe a Jewish woman somewhere who's really really hurt by you and she never forgave you you never apologize you never said I'm sorry you just dropped her like dropping somebody off a roof and you ran and there was no closure and that negativity is obstructing your own blessings he says I was never engaged he says did you ever promise anybody to marry them and you ran he says I don't think this is traffic trapped think think he says air garnished you know if you say air Gardiner's doesn't garnish to himself it's nothing he says what's nothing whenever somebody says Earth garnished it's good to figure it out what's the nothing what is it that you call nothing so he says I grew up in a home and nearby there was another home and I was a little boy and there was a little girl who was my next-door neighbor and we always played together and we were best friends as kids and there was a tree in front of our homes that we would always climb and years years we played together every day after school we would play together we were literally best friends and everybody would joke that one day we're going to marry each other one day I was on the top of a tree and she climbed up and we were all alone at the top of the tree we will the kids and she turned to me and said would you marry me I said of course I'll marry you she said promise so I promised I will marry her in the red bird of may look so that what happened so what happened is we became adults and boys and girls stopped playing with each other hopefully and I went on with my life and she went on with her life he said did you ever apologize to her I mean you were such best friends I mean and you were growing up together did you ever apologize to her did you ever he says no I mean we were kids it was a game it was fake he said in her eyes it was also a game that's what kids do he said you should ask her forgiveness you should ask her forgiveness so he says I'm married now 18 years and this is even before fuga finish there where do I find her he says gay and broad go to broad he lived in the gents which is in Poland brothers also important a lot much larger city game broad now telling somebody game brother cousin go to New York right I sometimes visit Australia other countries and somebody says you probably know my cousin he lives in Manhattan this of course of course we're best friends you must know my cousin they live in Bora Park of course I know everyone who lives in Borough Park they think they live in a community with you know 29 people so in New York there's 39 people so gay in broad where do you go on Broadway if I supposed to find a woman in blood who used to be my friend when I was a kid but didn't I hailed the caliber of men look said gay in brown so he went abroad he goes to broad where do you go to brats he goes to the marketplace what they call de read the marketplace the vendors are standing and selling foods and suddenly it starts pouring starts pouring everybody looks for shelter so some of these vendors had umbrellas you know they have umbrellas over the thing they have the hot dog stands with umbrellas so he runs on there one of these umbrellas and a whole group of people walking in the street wanted to protect themselves from the thunders and the lightning and the rain storms they all were under this umbrella and everybody was smashed together like sardines because they all wanted to be under the umbrella and he feels suddenly this elbow like this elbow under you know in his his ribs so wasn't very uncomfortable so he he moves away and he hears somebody say so he's still running away from me huh and he turns around and this is his old friend who we grew up with he sees her she sees him he says it's you and she nods and he asks her to go to the side and he says this is crazy they didn't know that I went to the Redbird of Mel he told me to come to broad I meet you I have to apologize to you I never apologized to you I am so so sorry I know you might have taken it seriously that we're gonna marry each other and I never married you and I never asked Mozilla and please forgive me I've been married for 18 short years I had no cha have no child please please forgive me and she says I forgive you and he says thank you and he leaves and she leaves and he travels back home and on the way back home he decides to visit his brother who's living in his parents home where he grew up it's on the way home and he goes through that shtetl where they grew up and he sees his next-door neighbor the brother of this girl who took over their parents home and he says hey I have regards for you this is from whom from your sister I was in brought a few days ago and you rushed to your sister who I grew up with was there and I have regards he says dubis tight Meshuga you're crazy he says why am I crazy you have regards from whom so my sister your sister since my sister's dead what are you talking about he says you don't know what happened to my sister I don't know what happened to your sister he says my sister always wanted to marry you when you left and she heard that you got engaged to another woman from another city she was heartbroken the night of your wedding we all went to your wedding and another shtetl they went to the wedding that night my sister died in her sleep she was a heartbroken lady she's dead for 18 years my sister is dead for 18 years that's what she did she tells and then he realized what happened there Everett may look of Legends did him this favor that for a few minutes this soul came down into this world for him to be able to ask forgiveness and make closure so he should be able to be blessed with children but this was a unique moment because 18 years she was already in alum ha amidst this young woman what does this tell us what it tells us is we often want to run away without closure but if something is there even if it's behind the walls it severe its present I have to have the courage to be able to stand up to it to be able to make amends to be able to apologize they're able to confront my own fears and demons to be able to go into it and not just to ignore it and make believe it just disappears people often in the name of false pride and egotism will continue battles and families for decades this one doesn't speak - this one doesn't this was a speak to this one I'm not going to be the first one to apologize this big AK is gonna think that she was right and I was wrong and it really it's the other way I was right and she was wrong and in that name what happened is we allow dysfunction we allow negativity we allow spiritual malnutrition to fester and it translates into the next generation and the next generation we're to live a godly life a sacred life is to allow yourself to be open to allow yourself to be transcendent to allow yourself to be so secure that you never have to be insecure when you're very secure you could be completely vulnerable when you're very secure you can always say I'm sorry you're very confident you can open yourself up and say you know I was trapped I was in a in a difficult place I was immature I was a juvenile I was young I was stupid I want to make men's I want to apologize and the blessing is that every opportunity that costs something to get absorbed at any stage of your life will come back either with that person or with another person may not always be as dramatic as in the story but it's going to come back and the person always ought to remember a boy like a falta number one it counts number two if it was inside they can go out don't think it can go out everything can go out you're not a slave you're not a victim you weren't born a slave you were born a free human being destined to be free Avada aim the larvae demlov are the mushroom says you were born to be free you are free and number three how the same way it got absorb that situation will be there instead of cursing it say this time I'm going into the meeting I'm going into the appointment but it's gonna be very different I'm going back to that house I'm gonna make that telephone call I'm gonna go back with this person and it's gonna be different it's gonna be the same process the same hot water the same fire but instead of going this way it's gonna go that way according to this it becomes crystal clear why this soldiers can only bring the carbon at the end why they come to moistu and they say we want to bring a carbon because lane if got me menno ish nobody was missing no casualties the Gemara says what does it mean lane if Academy men who ish Lane if got my men who ish doesn't only mean physically it means spiritually the women of mid young were beautiful they were exquisite how do we know Billo suggested to midea to get the jews through their women and they did it successfully the jews went crazy over the Midianite a Moabite woman to the point that the women persuaded them to worship the ball par which was a disgusting Dollar Tree at the end of bollock and the Jews went crazy with those people of Midian the females of Midian and there was a plague 24,000 people now he's sending 12,000 abled men back into the lion is dead so much suger that's why my shot to choose special people they came back they said Lane if got me menu ish nobody was missing spiritually morally asks the Gemara so why they bringing a Karpin why they bringing a carbon why they bringing an offering is it just gratitude or is it also atonement they say let's copy round off say say new to atone you just said lean if let me men who wish nobody fell for few people fell prey to their instincts new you said nobody fell they went in with purity they came out with purity they did the job and they left so Rashi says quoting the Gemara master Shabbos lacarpe I'll here or how lave shall be noise midea the Caparo was a hero Haleiwa there were internal struggles behaviorally they were righteous internally it was a struggle yet they could say lay nificant noumena wish because struggle is part of the human condition the greatest people struggle in fact greater people have greater struggles more sensitive people have much deeper struggles what counts in this area is behavior when we spoke about what counts behind the walls it means don't ignore it but you can't always get rid of what is behind the walls they had here her life they had here I lave here vera and they came to atone ah here's a void from the judiciary and he says one second when they came back from war they said to themselves we don't need to bring a carbon for atonement because in behavior we were perfect and behavior is what counts suddenly they heard the laws of kashering when they heard the laws of kashering whether they discover they discover what's behind the walls counts what is inside the system matters take note of it acknowledge it embrace it as part of your story don't make believe it's invisible from the laws of cashiering they heard a new insight in life it's not just the flavor of shrimp in your pot the flavor of shrimp in your soul or whatever the flavor is when they heard that afterwards they say ah it's time to bring a carbon now they can bring a carbon before that they didn't think they have to once they learned that you say that Judaism is not externals only it's the full spectrum of the human condition that you have to bring to God including all my thoughts cluding all of my emotions including all my experiences God doesn't want perfect people he wants real people God doesn't want holy people doing holy things he wants sometimes unholy people doing holy things God doesn't want winners he wants fighters people who are ready to fight far more important than winners very few people can win we sometimes lose the battle what's objective is to win the big war so when that happens I bring everything into life I consider it I looked at it and I have to acknowledge yes I went through these struggles and the carbon is my way of dealing with it I couldn't just reject that I couldn't believe I can repress it and say it doesn't count after this little ascaris they said now is a carbon lock a parole officer say no have a wonderful week this class is brought to you by the achieve Annette please help us continue the classes make even a small contribution at triple w dot they ueshiba net / donate