The Last Lecture of the Lubavitcher Rebbe How to Love| Parshas Shekalim, Rabbi YY Jacobson - 5784

the yeshiva.net [Music] welcome everybody thank you for gracing us with your presence this morning today's class is gratefully dedicated by Esther Rus Shalom and her family living in eral in tribute to our Israeli Army and all of the volunteer organizations helping our brothers and sisters during this time of Crisis is thank you very much rabbits and Esther and regards to our holy land and a lot of I want to begin the class with a story that happened recently there's a Jew by the name of rebela lowenstern reela lowenstern was 38 years old he made Aliah with his family from New Jersey Highland Park New Jersey at the age of eight grew up in B shemes lived in Israel in town called Harish and uh very successful software engineer and also every free moment he sat and learned fact his wife shared he would do his exercise routines and sometimes it's like a 30 second break between one routine and another routine he had a mnas there and while catching his breath he didn't waste those 30 seconds or minute between one routine and another routine and was learning mnas Alicia was killed in Gaza uh just in the month of Tavis he was killed ones Tavis December 13th he was 38 years old and he left his wife hadash hadash lern and six children ages 10 months to 12 years old he was preparing his 12year old as oldest for his b Mitzvah coming up and uh he was actually in Gaza and he was uh on a mission to rescue wounded soldiers to be able to give them the medical care they needed and save their lives and actually at this point he was exempt from army service but he felt that it was his duty to defend his his people his homeland his brothers and sisters and he volunteered for service uh he was a pillar of his community in Harish and as I said on he was killed by uh by an anti-tank missile fired by and actually as what I read the story was that he was he saw that his unit was in danger and uh he jumped in order to save them and saved many of them but he was killed so this happened as I said close to two months later a Jew another Jew happens to be a friend of mine his name is Shalom Goodman he's an editor in the Wall Street Journal lives in Brooklyn in New York had a baby boy and uh the bris was just a few weeks ago ofes Al and he and his wife decided to name the baby after Alisha there's no family connection there's no acquaintance there's no relationship not even knowledge but his wife Leah that when she read the story and she knew she's soon giving birth she just felt that she wants to name her baby for this man so he named him David Elisha for who was also quite a warrior and for Alisha loen Stern shom is a friend of mine so he shared with me the good news that he had a baby by email that he had a baby with a picture of him holding his new baby and uh and the decision they made and the bris so I wrote a note to him and I said make sure to call Hadas loen Stern and tell her he didn't think of it you know she's an Al with six kids a lot going on in Israel this was something he did so he reached out to her him and his wife both reached out to her and they shared with her the news it happens to be hadash shared that every single rashes her husband bought her a gift every single rashes for the new month her husband went and bought her a gift so he sent me back what she wrote back to to Shalom and his wife the new mother and father I have no words really May hasem bless you and your family may you always know Sim in your life a huge hug to my David Alisha I'm looking forward to meet him and to your wife too I have no words to tell you how meaningful this is for me the bestes present that I received from my husband this was she couldn't receive a gift but she received a baby named after her husband continuing his legacy for eternity until so Shalom sent this to me and uh I wanted to share this with you today it actually captures one of the themes we're going to be addressing today this week is of course usually very of and the two last portions of I'm going to translate in English because some people hear the class and they don't know all the Hebrew word so you'll forgive me not to underestimate the level of knowledge of the people here but just a broad audience that watches or listens I want everybody to be able to understand so the book of is the Book of Exodus the last two portions are called usually they read together but this year it's one of those years a leap year that vak are separate separate so this week we read vak and only next week do we read this week is also the shabas that blesses sh in other words it's the shabas before the first day the first day of the second month of other which is going to be on Sunday so it's also and therefore we read a separate portion after the par we read what's called is a very short para it's the beginning of which is actually the previous portion right before vak only the first section of it the first few paragraphs it's called parum because it speaks about theum shum were coins that were contributed each year by every Jew as Charity for the bik for the Holy Temple so why do we read it on this shabas even though it's not part of the order and the answer is because in the time of the bik in the time of the Holy Temple the Jewish people used to donate every single year a half shekele everyone donated a half shekele it's called a m the the common coin that was used the standard coin that was used by the community by the population in that time a half of it a half of it and because of that the because everyone donated this they had the money to be able to purchase all of the offerings throughout the entire year somebody had to pay for it all the carbas there were were individual offerings that people brought but the carbas the communal offerings where was that purchased from that didn't represent one Jew or a family or represented every Jew every day there were public communal offerings that were brought every single day and shabas and these were acts of service done on behalf of the entire Jewish people so everyone had a part in it how did everybody have a part in it by donating a a of she this was sent to Jerusalem to it was kept in a special chamber a treasury in the B MDES and that Alishka was called a special room and from there they took the money to buy all of the offerings that were done throughout the year in the B mik again not the individual offerings that you paid for on your own but the public communal ones and there were a lot of them whether meal offerings or animal offerings wine Libations Etc when was the time that they used to start using the new funds that came in the teaches the first day of niss that was the time they began using the new funds the new that came in when would they start collecting them the says on the first day of they start announcing that it's time to send your annual donation to the spiritual epicenter of the Jewish people the epicenter of of the the Jewish land and the Jewish capital city which was the B mikdash the first day of other the announcements were made and then during the month the funds were collected so they can arrive on time to to Jerusalem to theik today we don't have a bikes and nobody's collecting but the shabas before the first day of when everyone is in SCH we also announce about it so how do we announce we read we read the portion that deals with the of Jews giving this donation for the service in then it was the mishkan and the Tabernacle and later in the bik that's why this shabas we don't only read V we also read if we take a look the first in your Source sheet by the way we always post the source sheets on the.net so if anybody wants to download it'll be posted after the class you can download it later also if you see this is the opening of Kisa the opening of the portion of it's Exodus 30 verse 11 speaks to what does hem tell what does God tell Moses when you want to take a senses of the Jewish people let everyone give a donation to redeem his soul and that's how they should be counted this will avoid any negative consequence is any plague how much do you give anyone who's part of the senses this is what they should give a half a shekele from the holy shekele meaning there was a currency called a this was used for all of the purchases in the Mish and the Tabernacle the wases don't give that shekele give a half of that shekele and he explains a whole would be equivalent to 20 G 20 G were 20 coins of smaller value so 20 of those would make up a and you give which would of course mean 10 G this was a commandment at this time from everyone from 20 years and older should give this donation the wealthy person should not give more the poor person should not give less from a half a shekel this is the donation they're giving to Hashem to atone for your soul this is the original Mitzvah yet in the time of the desert when the Jewish people gave the first time when they were building the mishkan building the Tabernacle but it became a fixed custom and ritual throughout the generations year after year after year where every Jew gave a and as I explained this cover the funds that the bikes needed to run its daily routines and services that were relevant to the entire people over here there's a very famous question that the commentators asked just to give a little bit of understanding in contemporary terms the shekel was basically a silver coin a minted coin pure silver and the value of it was the weight of silver so the shekel approximately it's estimated in today's terms was approximately uh 16 grams of silver and a half a shekel therefore would be eight grams of silver so if you took a coin called and you weighed it it was basically pure silver it was eight grams approximately eight grams of pure silver I think today's price would be somewhere between 8 and $10 eight grams $8 a full shekele would be double of that but the obligation was not even if you were wealthy you couldn't give a whole shekele that wasn't accepted only a only a half a shekele so if today let's say in America you took the standard coinage is the dollar the dollar is the the dollar so if I want to give a dollar that wouldn't be accepted I would have to give 50 cents which is a half now throughout the generations the had to be at least the value that was in the time of the desert not less but it was a half of the shekele of the time whatever it was sometimes it was a little more even than the value in the time of the mid when the Jewish people gave it and here there's a very famous question and that is what is the idea that the T insists that it has to be a in other words you cannot give a full shekele even if you want to you couldn't give we never find in the whole T that a donation is limited to only 50% of the shek and not only that he says if Mr Rothchild wants to donate 1 millon million dollar to cover the offerings of the we say sorry whoever heard of a Jewish institution turning to a wealthy person and say sorry sorry you want to give $8 good you want to give $16 we don't accept it and this was done every year even a wealthy person cannot give any more in other words you could have to give only the question really becomes much stronger considering the fact that in the B it was always required that everything should be whole everything should be complete nothing should be blemished for example an offering that was brought had to be a whole offering if it was a balum an animal that was a balum if it was blemished it's not the animal's fault but it couldn't be brought as a carbon it couldn't be brought as an offering if a Cen if the priest serving the B was a balum had certain blemishes also he could he had a different Mission he couldn't serve in the B mikdash even though he can eat all of the offerings but serving in the bikes he could not do says the clay the vessels that we use in the bikes in order to sanctify that which is inside of them they had to be Malayan they had to be full and they had to be not flored if there were flaw they had to be fixed in order to be use so we constantly find ra says about all the fat should go to Hashem meaning he says that all the offerings that go to hem should be they should be whole and they should be the choicest here we find the exact opposite notion I want to give a whole shekel no sorry the only thing we accept is a a half a shek which the to itself says is a half it's a half of the she so the shekele was the whole coin you can't give the whole coin and it's interesting what did they do with the they bought carbas they bought offerings the offerings had to be all complete and wholesome but the money that was used to purchase all of them had had to be a another very interesting thing is when you look at the T here it says how much should you give and then in order to explain what that is he says 20 is the there something strange we're not giving a shekele we're giving a the should have said what so you're going to say it's not hard to do the math if a shekel is 20 g g was a certain coin a smaller coin there were many coins like we have a penny you have a dime you have a nickel you have a quarter you have a dollar these were all in silver you had silver coins you had gold coins you had copper coins but these were K so uh a g 20 G made up a shekele so it's not hard to do the math if 20 G is a so half of that is G but why can't you say it directly instead of saying you say now you want to say the T wants to be meticulous and precise on the contrary Esser is a shorter word than ES es is 10 esim is 20 esim is an extra two letters so he could have said it's es es is a half a shekele he says no give a but I want to tell you how much a whole shek is a whole shek is so I want to tell you an explanation I heard for this this explanation has stayed with me it's ingrained in my uh in my heart in my soul in myish I heard this from the it was shabas sh 1992 I grew up in Crown Heights the section of Crown Heights in Brooklyn New York you've heard of Brooklyn before the mass migration Exodus for more space especially during Corona but I know some of you are here from the 1950s or whenever so I don't mean I'm just talking about the immigrants they called it the green ones you know the green horns who found out about deer and grass and trees space Etc and I had the privilege in the last years to be what's called one of the K one of the the people who was uh who remembered the Reb's talks and transcribed them would talk on shabas and yam for a very long time and they were very very deep talks and Sh and presentations and of course there were no tape recorders was shabas and everything had to be memorized now you're talking about presentations that can go for 3 hours 6 hours 7 hours it wasn't a 20 minute veral and uh so it was was very intense and if it was yam could be a few days so it could be 10 15 hours of ideas that had to be recorded so there was a small group they were called K means from the word Kar right to the head of the group was name was and the last years I had the privilege of being that group so we would remember and then transcribe it so that the Reb asked these questions that I just raised about the little did anybody know that this would be the last fa of the Reb ever because two days later he went to the O of his father-in-law he would go there often to DAV and read a lot of the letters that he got he would read there stand there a whole day fast and stand there like twice a week he would read thousands of letters there that he received and he would D in there the oit and queens in montaur cemetery and there he suffered a stroke while he was standing there two days later which was Monday Al but I didn't know this would be the last the last fa in and uh the re addressed these two questions and then he gave a an he gave an explanation and that was the first talk of that fa there were many talks during a fa and in between they would sing but this was the first to it was almost an hour on shabas shabas afternoon shabas vak so it was extremely uh uh profound intense and a lot a lot of different ideas and details that were called together I'm just calling I'm I'm I'm extracting one point that Reb Maiden in that talk that I still recall very vividly to answer these questions and I'm just going to uh elaborate on it explain it the way I understood it then and the way I understand it a little better today so we can uh really relate to it uh not just intellectually but also viscerally personally Reb said that the truth is the question is really the answer we're asking why would the T tell people to donate when you're supposed to give a whole shek you everything should be whole complete we don't want broken or or not broken but but incomplete things for the B mik the truth is and then we ask a second question why did it say 20 not 10 so one one question really answers the other question the the total ones a Jew should give a whole shekele not a half a shekele the total ones that a Jew should give a whole shekele and that's why when the TOA says how much it says es Gator not Gator 20 Gator because really the Mitzvah is to give a shek that's the Mitzvah the question then is what do you mean it says give a doesn't say give a he says here's where the to is conveying a lifechanging approach and how you have to understand when you talk about I you say the T wants me or you or us to give a half a shekele what does that really mean how do we Define the individual how do we Define it's one of the big questions in Psychology and philosophy and history how do we Define who is the I who is the one contributing the half a she or to put it simply where do I begin where do I end where do I begin where do I end and where do you begin so common senses I am here I'm standing here you're sitting there and there are boundaries and these are important boundaries right I begin here I end here the other person is in a different place they occupy their cheer their space physically and mentally and spiritually that's how it is but here's the real question a person in his or her deepest place are we lonely creatures or not in other words when you go down to the everyone is a everybody has a hopefully everybody has some form of a social life and uh connections we're interconnected with each other we have relationships with each other but deep down would you say that the truest way to define a person is lonely Rabbi salek has a book called The Lonely Man of faith is and he argues there that even though he has many friends and many acquaintances and many students but deep down at his core because he's a man of Faith there is a loneliness there there's a sense of solitariness there there's a place where a person is extremely alone B right there the concept of laad the person is is alone and maybe in that deep place that's the truest part of a person where we struggle with our own identity in ways that other people will never fully be able to get or comprehend even if I share and even if I communicate and even if I express but ultimately deep deep down there's that space that belongs exclusively to me which I cannot share with anybody else simply because I am I and another person is another person or maybe it's not that way maybe in our deepest place we're very very connected at first glance there were many the at first glandes there's certainly room to say that a person deep down beyond all of the social connections and layers there's a place of loneliness and I think we all know this in our lives as many friends as we have and even very close friends and as many relationships as we have and even good relationships I'm talking about authentic relationships I'm not talking about you know fake relationships but there are certain aspects of my existence that I know of talks about a it says we some people say chabas morning I know that hasem is great he puts the emphasis there something I know and I feel and I experience and nobody else can feel an experience not because I'm smart less smart or more smart or more more sensitive or less sensitive but simply because it's it's the way I experience life everybody knows about their own lives if you know about your own life as much as I could communicate it and share it vulnerably and authentically but there's that nuda there's that core core experience that belongs Belongs to You Belongs to You alone because because it's you and even if somebody else can have empathy and can really listen and and may even shed tears with me or giggle with me and laugh with me but nonetheless there's there there's that private domain where you know your life story you feel you feel your pain you feel your wounds you feel your ther you feel your mystery you feel your ecstasy you feel your depth and you touch it in a way that I cannot expect another person to touch it even if they want to be empathetic and loving and they are simply because I am I and you are you but let's take it a step deeper when we talk about the boundaries between people it's a little more difficult than we like to describe it for practical purposes it makes a lot of sense to say I am I am here I begin here I end here and at some point you begin and you end and then there's another person you begin and you end it's much more practical in terms of paying bills and taking care of a house and governing and taking care of your life but if we really think about it truthfully what about the O you say I end right here what about the oxygen that I need to inhale in order to survive where is that oxygen coming from that oxygen is not inside of me that oxygen I have to inhale from outside of me and what about the water I need to drink in order to be able to live and what about the food I need to eat in order to be able to live there's not a single element in a person's existence that is completely self-contained I must connect to that which is outside of me so really really where do I begin and where do I end where do you begin and you end so it ends right here it's not so simple because if it ends right here I can't really live and that's why the medish says fantastically that really the planet is called a goof God the whole planet is really one body it's a large organism just like there's an individual organism there's also a larger organism and it's called a gal and that's what the ecosystem means if you ever study the ecosystem the Brilliance of it is that there's nothing on our planet that is not a mas and not a ma every single nuda every single existence every single creature on our planet from the smallest tiniest worm the worm that we may dismiss is making a contribution I don't know if you know but what makes the Earth fertile for growth is the incessant work of the worms deep down in the ground in the earth they're not getting attention they're not getting Nobel prizes they're not getting validation nobody knows about them nobody looks at them but they're fulfilling their God's God's Mission they're literally not stopping to crawl around and toiling and plowing the Earth and making it fertile for vegetation people for Generations didn't know the purpose of lightning they Tred started to figure out how it happens but what's the purpose of it there's lightening somewhere on the planet I think every 8 seconds or so only recently did we realize it's indispensable to existence and the reason is I'm not we're not going to go we're not going to do now a whole uh weather class but it's fascinating to know to see how Hashem created the world because people often are are we we're apathetic to it nitrogen in the ear nitrogen is essential to produce what's called amino acids which are the building blocks of every cell no cell can exist without amino acid the problem is there's no way for the amino acid to get into the Earth which is what we have a connection to lightning allows the nitrogen because of the heat to merge with the to merge with the oxygen and to merge with the droplets of rain so now when the rain comes down into the Earth it's filled with nitrogen so now all the plants and all the Earth have amino acid so now when I'm eating fruits or eating vegetables or eating uh animal meat that ate vegetation my cells our cells can continue to reproduce which is the essential building blocks of a person so that's just the detail of of lightning you know we look we look at uh wind storms we look at winds right people don't realize that the sun acts besides everything else it also a acts like a pump and thus it uh it allows the water to be suctioning the water from the oceans and the Seas turning into a vapor which then ascends and forms into clouds but if there was no wind what would happen when the clouds would become heavy the water would come right back to where it came out from so the oceans would be refilled with water and the entire Earth would die because there's wind so now the clouds are dispersed so now when it rains there's growth there's vegetation do produ and the Earth is a fertile place it's a living place so you know sometimes go out and say it's so windy thank God that's why we thank Hashem every day for I just gave two three tiny little examples of billions trillions trillion endless endless examples every n every reptile every mammal every fish every bird every insect every C of creation the vegetation the living of course the human being is a and a we all give we all contribute we all receive now it's interesting everyone knows this besides people you know that everybody knows this every you you'll ask ask any monkey ask any squirrel they know ask ask a bee do you see how busy the bees are are nobody pays them nobody wakes them up they don't have their mothers waking up krishma daving is going to show come on wake up yank it's already 8:30 9:00 how long you going to sleep till 4: the bees don't do that every bee in the world knows it has three purposes number one survival number two propagate or allow the queen to propagate number three enhance the environment the way I need to enhance it that's the purpose human beings can have a whole different conception in life why should I contribute to anything I'm just a self-contained person but the truth is if you understand how the world Works everything is part of everything else everything gives and everything receives nothing is excluded from it the reason human beings don't know it is because our job is to choose it not to do it instinctively the only one that reflects the Creator is the human being the defin first thing about a Creator is that it's he's free he has agency so the human being also has agency what we call so essentially I say I end here you begin here I understand technically it's a good idea you take this seat I take this seat I'm standing here you're sitting there but if we talk about it in on a deeper level on a spiritual level on a psychological level on a philosophical level on a metaphysical level where do I really begin and where do I really end every sound that comes out of my mouth creates a sound wave it has an impact thoughts have impacts when we make an observation of something in physics we know today that when people observe light the actual Atomic the structure of the light changes they don't know if light was a particle or a wave because it has both qualities and The Way You observe it when you observe it it collapses into one model so just observing something affects the other and this is pure physics doesn't even have to do with religion or spirituality so there's no real point where you could say this is me and that's it and now begins you and that's it so the M says it says in our planet is a go God it's a large body it's really a we're connected to everything everything we're connected to everything is inside of us and that's why that's why we have that connection we have that kinship we have that relationship and just like one organism has many different Limbs and every limb has a different purpose and function and no one of the two I supposed to do the same thing my brain doesn't get angry with my heart and say come on just be like me look like me the brain is thankful for the heart that it's pumping the blood and the Heart Is thankful to the brain that it's taking care of management CEO CFO they're both thankful to the kidney for cleaning out what it has to clean out they're thankful to the liver and to the spleen and to every limb doing its function 70 trillion cells I don't know if you know what 70 trillion means 70 trillion cells in our body each cell having its own unique functionality to keep the human being alive it's halfs Beyond and because of that every limb does something else the same is true with the planet every creature is like a limb of the body doing its unique thing it's one cell it's a small one but it's significant that's why the B once said that every leaf that rolls around is it's with Divine Providence and not only that he said it's part of the plan that essential to the whole story of creation you would think it's a joke was a little leaf that fell off a tree and now it's rolling here and there but if it's part of our planet it's essential it's part of a gov GLE it's part of a go there's no there's no cell in me that doesn't have its unique purpose and function and it's not just true about our planet on a more General level it's true about the cosmos it's true about the universe not just about our planet it's true about the universe that it's a go godal and as a result of that when we really think about it we are part of a hole we're part of an AK we're part of a larger hole and that's why even though it's true there are parts of me that only I will understand that's how it's supposed to be there's parts of you only you will understand there's there's a place where remains there's a uniqueness to each person and a uniqueness where the way I experience life the way I experience truth the way I experience hm is different than every other person the word is not just knowledge means connection right and that's not talking about intellectual knowledge it's talking about connection talking about marriage they had children as a result so means I experience it in my own unique way and you have to honor that and cherish it CU that experience is unique to you and it's what I can bring to the world that nobody else could it's your light or my light or or somebody else's light that you bring based on that's very true but at the core of yish and especially in the world of cabal and the world of loneliness is not at the core of reality there is loneliness there could be very acute loneliness especially when a person doesn't feel that they have people they connect to on a deep level but at the core the truest deepest essence of the human being is not that I'm a lonely man of Faith but that there is a Unity there is a connection and the reason is because everything comes from one when we say what does it mean means everything comes from so if everything comes from from Oneness so everything is rooted and anchored in means undefined infinite Unity infinite Hol H holess and because of that essentially when you peel away the layers and you trace everything back to its ultimate core to the skeleton to the Beer bones as we would say to the quintessence to the core to the indivisible what do we find indivisible Oneness that's then manifested in different creatures and different people and different and different details that's why in the morning before daving there's the 13 methods of how is interpreted before so we have there cl cl rings a bell CL it's fine your poter your poter remember use it but those who know what I'm talking about maybe who so this cl cl cl cl all these methods of how we interpret really CL is the collective Pratt is the detail clal is bringing the detail back to the collective so CL is from the word K everything Prat is paret which means one branch that that trickles down from the claw it's a manifestation of the claw but it manifests it through a specific fashion and then Claw is when you could bring that Pratt and realign it with the CL and that's the story of History it starts with cl pre-creation it comes into PR where every person is an embodiment and a manifestation of that of that oness through their life through your personality your soul your mind your body your life your home your family and your unique existence but essentially every PR must and will come back to CLW because that's what it really is it's a manifestation of that of with this the explains something fascinating he asks the big question when it says you should love your fellow like yourself so the ramban says how can that be how could that be how can you say to me a Mitzvah you should love someone else like you love yourself I mean come on be nice to somebody be respectful be kind do yeah but how can you say that and this is something from struggle with it's a real mitvah so the AL balat in chapter 32 l b which is peric la is the heart says something beautiful he says you're right you're right when you're looking at the self from a more external point of view but when you understand the real self in other words if I can get to the core of the eye then loving the other is actually very very natural in fact it's not only a Mitzvah it's actually a prediction V in Hebrew means two things means me you shall love and it also means you will love is not just a commandment it's also a prediction when you really going to start loving yourself your real self you're going to love the other like yourself you know why so this is what he says we learn it as a you should love somebody else like yourself it's really saying something else you're going to love just like you love yourself because you're one there is a self that is isolated but there's a larger self the larger self is the one that's rooted in in Oneness in Infinity that includes everything and that's why if you look in the your first where does come in there you will love your friend like yourself I am Hashem okay thank you Hashem thank you for introducing yourself the commentators struggle with this doesn't mean I'm going to what but now we understand is actually explaining the you will love like you because since Anem and all of you are manifestations of hasem so is the other person is actually Kam so I have to ask myself what part of me do I love is it my suit that I love right maybe I love me I love my suit maybe I like my tie it's a nice suit and a nice tie my wife chose right I may love my glasses somebody may love their watch may love their jewelry may love other parts I may love certain parts of my whatever it is that is it's it's it's it's good to appreciate all these things but do I have real selflove real self-love means do you really have a relationship with your truest self and I would venture to say that sometimes in life when I don't have that real selflove I need other things to love about me to be able to make believe that I am lovable so very often I spend so much time loving my external things that maybe will get certain validation from others as a compensation for the absence of real self- appreciation real self-love means I can truly not only respect but cherish and embrace and turn my innermost Soul which is a which is literally a derivative of divine consciousness truly cherish it really love it really embrace it so when we say somebody asked me once what's the source for self-love in Judaism because people talk about self-love we never heard about that we always heard I said read the first of all if you hate yourself how exactly do you have a reference point right if I'm supposed to love somebody like I love myself so if I hate myself what am I going to do I may have that with I may I may that's the baramin of how I relate to other people but it's really much deeper than that real self love doesn't mean I love my watch or my tie or even what I look like today and I may not look like that tomorrow real self-love is loving my body yeah but what is my body my body is a channel for my soul the Goof is a channel the is for so real and self love are not a addiction when you really love the true self it instinctively and deeply extends to the other that's what says in if you look in all the souls are are equal there's one father for all that's why the Jewish people are called brothers so you think Brothers is an exaggeration yeah we're brothers we're sisters he says no it's mamish what's the idea of siblings what's siblings siblings means that they're rooted in One Source they're manifestations of one mother and one father the the root of Every Soul like a tree is in Oneness you can turn Hashem into 15 billion pieces God is Not divided into 15 billion pieces it's hem and each soul is a derivative of that it's just each Soul was manifested in a unique goof and a unique body to reveal the Oneness within the details and that's why he says something very powerful if I don't have a relationship with my soul I can't really experience authentic love I can only experience love that is which means it has ulterior motives that can work I make a partnership with somebody right you're an investor in my company I'm an investor you make money I make money Mone it it makes sense these are friendships that make sense because I gained something from you you gain something from me which is fine but I still did not go out of the place of ego it's just a relationship with another person helps me to go out of a place of ego this you need to learn about your soul because the soul doesn't exist in a place of ego it's egoless it doesn't need ego it doesn't need ego to exist on the contrary it shuns the ego ego keeps it isolated right like we said ego is easing God out easing godliness out easing goodness out easing greatness out I'm just making up all these acronyms on the spot if you know any other goody I'm not going to say easing Google out even though that's a good idea sometimes in life but that's a separate a separate class separate discussion easing greatness out meaning if I'm not in touch with my own greatness then of course I need my ego and I need a protected and I need your validation and I need to build it up and I need to do whatever I need in order for my ego to feel good but my soul is starving what the soul needs more than anything else is the soul needs the absence of ego the soul is looking for Transcendence the soul is looking to be a channel for what it really is what is it really it's a manifestation of of Oneness that's the Bliss of the Soul so there unity love is organic it's ENT it's essential it's intrinsic and therefore as a result of that when I can cut through my external layers and reach a deeper place of the self according to this explanation in Tanya which is a fundamental idea Inus in general I don't touch loneliness I touch Love I Touch attachment I touch connection on the contrary if I'm stuck and confined in my ego then I'm in solitary confinement there's a lack of trust there's a lack of connection in the place of the Soul naturally I want to embrace I want to hug I want to dance and celebrate life with the other the first says something beautiful he says that uh the gor says in shabas page 30 page 31 that a non-jew came to Hill you remember this story and he said teach me the whole TI while I'm standing on one leg so Hill said yeah six words I'll give you a crash course in Judaism six words what you dislike to be done to you don't do it anybody else that's the whole Torah everything else is commentary now go study the commentary question why did Hill have to use six words when he could have used three words which words should have he used number one number two is in Hebrew instead he used words in Aramaic number three is God's choice of words what do you have to make up your new new sentence phrase It's from a why do you have to make up a it's a nice phrase what you dis like to be done to you don't do to anybody else they call it the Golden Rule they attribute it to somebody else but it comes from Hilla you don't know what I'm talking about okay it's fine Hilla lived before him 100 years before 150 years before they attributed to another Jew but uh I'll tell you a cute story it just came into my head my brother was talking to a group of cardinals cardinal they wanted to learn about Jewish approach to morality and ethics all these types of things and family life and marriage so he told me after a long conversation it became very warm and very friend they really opened up these are cardinals from the Catholic Church finally in the sense of openness they turn to him and they throw out that question they say RAB Jacobson at the end of the day tell us the truth who's Messiah now in here he knew this is what's called uh real what he what is he going to do right told me God God gave him an inside he looked at them he said one Jew or another they all laughed and all is well that ends well they loved it so so but this comes from the Jew Hill not from another Jew Hill could have used the words of the of the he says this fellow when he came to H he wasn't Jewish yet he wasn't Jewish he was a non-jew so to tell him he wouldn't be able to it what what what are you talking about that's a golden rule for all civilization what you dislike to be done to you don't do to you you want your children to be safe make sure other people's children are safe you don't want to be robbed don't Rob from someone else that's the basis of civilization without that there's no civilization already requires a much more sensitive Attunement to the cosmic nature of Oneness to this unique element of for this he still had to go through training and spiritual Evolution and so forth they say the was he had a son zville is a city in Ukraine a son M I think was his name Goldman family was Goldman they lived in Ukraine and he was exiled to the gulak to Stalin's gulak Siberia for a few years this v Son and uh he was liberate he was in a Siberia I have to tell you about the conditions in Siberia but most people didn't survive millions and millions died in Stalin's gulags in in Russia after a few years in the gulag he was summoned by the nalik by the warden and he told him that he can go free today but he has to sign it was chabas so this V Reb tells this fellow I can't sign on chabas I have to sign tonight or tomorrow so he said listen you're playing with fire here this is the Soviet Union don't bring in your religion if you want to sign now fine if you don't sorry now I don't know if you'll get out of here he said I'm sorry I understand thank you but I'm not going to violate chus now near him there was another Jew a communist a Jewish communist who was secular he was also in Siberia and he was standing there cuz he was also supposed to go free so this man now turned to him and said sign and he was a secular Jew but because he just saw the sacrifice the M neish of this V Reb he couldn't get himself to sign so he told this person he said sorry it's shabas Sub sub you read the book sub I can't sign about 20 years in Siberia uh who was it uh yeah I can't sign so the guy I said what's your problem he says shabas it's our holy day I'm not signing so he says again if you don't sign I don't know if you're going to get out of here he says I'm not signing till after shabas so the turns to the prison Warden and says I'm going to sign for him he says you m he says I'll sign for him he's an older man he's weak and for him to stay here another day is life-threatening and to Save a Life overrides all the Mitzvah including shabas I don't feel that way about myself I could stay here I don't have a right to violate chabas so I'm going to sign for him the prison Warden saw this he says wow you know what I'm going to sign for both of you get out of here yeah so the says he could understand was extremely extremely profound so when a person truly relates to the real self the most wholesome core self then when I look at the other I see the Divinity in me I see the Divinity in you our souls are one they're one the bodies are manifestations of the souls but the souls are really one so in the most natural intrinsic core space there's not just a connectivity but there's actually an absolute Oneness that reflects even though it's different people it's like limbs of one body it says in the like limbs of one body limbs of one body don't do the same thing they don't have the same personality my heart and my brain don't have the same personality that's why we have issues between what we understand and what we feel but they're not supposed to have thank God my heart doesn't always agree with my brain thank God my brain doesn't always agree with my heart they have to work things out out but as a result of that we understand but it's one nobody says cut my heart out I don't have a relationship with not cut it out it's ridiculous you're talking about oness so it's like limbs of one body it's like uh diverse colors of one painting different colors but one one portrait one painting bricks of one home and notes of one composition a composition a ballad a song can't be one note it has diverse notes and therefore the B used to teach that if somebody feels very very spiritual perhaps but I'm still feeling alone what they call in Yiddish elent I'm feeling alone deep down it means that I'm not completely rooted in my soul I'm still stuck in a bubble that's surrounding my soul and that bubble is creating a blockage I did not touch the space of the Soul itself when I'm truly truly in a place of N I am full full naturally organically instantaneously a person is then filled with Brotherhood with Sisterhood with with Ava with with love with shom I want to I want to I want to connect to another person I don't have to subdue myself and force myself that's why it says in baras the beginning of the tah that everything Hashem saw was good he saw what he made and it was very good and then finally it says one thing that's not good what's the first thing the T says that's not good after everything that's good you remember it's not good for ad to be to be alone it's not just a Mitzvah it's not good and therefore we're going to get and you're going to get married it's more than a Mitzvah it's a description of reality the state of means that I'm disconnected from the goodness of life from the goodness of creation one of the deepest wounds of a person is when I go into emotional isolation psychological solitariness and I'm afraid to come out of my Hiding Place I'm afraid to come out of my closet maybe I'll peek out but I'm going to go right back in and the truth is and we have to understand this this is not about blame ever or judgment but a person needs to understand one of the wounds one of the coping mechanisms that some of us and I would say quite a few of us I don't mean in this room but in society develop is a sense of safety in isolation and there could be many reasons for it one of I think the very prevalent reasons for at least one of them is if I had an if I have an open heart and I'm really a very loving person and I want to give love and I want to be loved and maybe as a little child I gave out those vibes of love but I couldn't receive them back for whatever reason and it's painful it's painful if a child searching for connection C searching for that unconditional love can't can't receive it for whatever reason and then it may not even be malicious it may be just apathy ignorance neglect maybe parents themselves so stressed out in their own loneliness and isolation they're trying to survive their hearts they can't afford for their hearts to be open they had to close their hearts but now this child to continue to live with an open heart means that every day I'm going to feel again my loneliness every day I'm going to feel pain how many times can I have a dagger in my chest I can't so at some point maybe at three maybe at four maybe at 6 maybe at 8 I say myself I don't need love I don't need connection I don't need attachment I don't want to say I need it it's who I am and I'm not getting it maybe I say I don't need it maybe I say even worse I deserve not to get it these are different voices that my brain develops in order to make sense out of my life and not to sacrifice the attachments I do have because the people around me are giving me food and safety and and a place place to sleep Etc and now suddenly I'm 20 years old 30 years old 40 years old 50 years old or whatever age the person is and I turn it into a philosophy it becomes a philosophy I'm just a person who uh who doesn't connect I don't know how to really connect with my spouse I don't know how to really connect with my children I'm an intellectual I like sh that are intellectual cuz I'm not emotional somebody once told me our family is not the emot type We Don't Hug we don't kiss we don't Embrace we don't say I love you we're the intellectual type stop calling horrible survival mechanisms of philosophy not a philosophy we're wounded many of us have been wounded our people have been through without judgment with compassion with empathy we could appreciate the fact that there's so much pain that causes a person to say I don't need connection I don't even know how to connect and if I come out again will I get another dagger in my heart I'm not going to come out again from my closet now remember sometimes you have guys let's say Boys in Yeshiva where it's all you know you use your brain a lot and you don't have to connect on that level so in Yeshiva they're top level and then they get married right and their wife is not interested in intellectual gymnastics which are holy they're holy but the wife wants that relationship and she starts asking about his emotions and she starts poking those places that he closed up 20 years ago so what happens without UNC I'm talking about unconsciously he's a good guy she becomes his enemy because she's making him feel horrible horrible and it's very hard for him to look in the mirror and even know what happened he may not even know what happened so he's the most innocent person trying to do the right thing and yet trying to survive he says oh my wife is this my wife is this my wife is that or the other way around my husband is this my husband is that it takes so much courage and humility to be able to ask myself maybe what I really need more than anything else is real attachment real con connection I don't know if the human being has been yet created who doesn't need real attachment who doesn't need real connection of course there are people who are bookworms there are people who are Social Butterflies we know that there are people who love spending nights with other people right if you had a choice you can spend the night in your house alone on a couch without anybody in sight or you can go out to a some people well you'll make your choice there are different Natures of people some people come alive with people and some people do me a favor you come back from Mitzvah and three weeks you have to recover from the energy sold baths therapy I don't know Pilates whatever it is but I'm recovering from the Sim too much energy for me and other people come to life of course there are different Natures of people but when the T says God doesn't say besides the people who live in this area they could be it's the true nature of of of existence that in the deepest place we need connection you know why because we are connected it's not we need connection because we're spoiled selfish people who want attention no maybe if I did not get that type of real connection then I want attention because I need to get some form of connection so if a child couldn't get love he starts looking for validation so maybe he becomes unbelievably successful in Yeshiva and school and that way everyone Praises this child and this child feels that they're valued but this value is coming because they did not get real value based on who they are it's based on performance this becomes very painful and this is something one needs to be aware of so sometimes I stay in my closet cuz it's very dangerous for me to come out some we peek out we peek out can I come out come out and then somebody says the right comment and you know not time and you go back and I go back into my closet for another decade if I'm dealing with this and many are I need to respect this but I cannot turn my need for isolation into the entire story it's my animal Consciousness trying to survive and maybe survival for me means at the moment I can't really connect and I have to work that through but I should never doubt that if I go into my neiss my Divine Consciousness there is so much love there there is so much connection I'm going to tell you it just just came into me and uh I was not planning to say this but somebody shared this with me recently and I have to say it's one of the most moving things I heard from somebody talk about you want to know what a soul is what nobility means it's hard to share this story because it's a very painful story this is a person a fellow a man who as a child has went through geham after geham after geham by people he trusted most the most horrific ways meaning the abuse literally affected the core of his soul because it was the intimate inappropriate abuse in the most intimate places of a person I don't have to be I don't have to get graphic here you'll understand what's worse is there was no story that he can identify meaning externally everything was perfect everything was fine the people were normal the people were loving so it's something that he didn't even know so here not only are you isolated not only are you completely completely he was disassociated emotionally but he also blamed himself for everything so not only am I in pain and not only am I so much in pain that I don't even know I'm in pain I'm so much in fear I don't even know I'm in fear cuz he became disconnected from his emotions but the only one to blame is me there was no other story so the level of self shame and self-loathing the coping mechanisms this poor guy developed were Beyond description simply to survive he survived and he survived well but completely disconnected from himself from his body from his feelings from his emotions from his selfhood from Identity no dignity nothing Hashem made him a very talented person so he made a good living makes a good living does well but on an internal level he was M much like a dead a dead a Dead Man Walking decades down the line he began a healing Journey he discovered a lot of things very very courageous person and he really went into the darkness and he went on a very very deep journey of healing he shared something with me unbelievable he said after one of his healing Journeys that was a very very deep experience he started to think about two people who hurt him so badly and when I say hurt him it was not small thing it was very serious things and he started to feel listen to this so upset with them which is part of healing you know there's grief there's there's there's feeling all the pain but then he said after this journey he felt something else he felt that you know what the real real Ava that was done to him the real crime that was done to him the real crime was done to him is that it took away from him his ability to love others he never realized how much love he has in his heart it even took away his ability for him to love these people in his family who did it to him he feel as he has so much love to them but because of all the pain they caused him he couldn't have that love and that's what he was grieving he was grieving the love that was T the gift of love that was taken from him I said wow look what a soul you have look what a you had if you wouldn't have had aiss I promise promise you if somebody takes a machine and bangs it with a hammer over and over and over take your computer take your car take any machine take your phone and bang it and break it and break it at some point there's nothing left it's a dead machine right nothing left what happened to you that after everything you're grieving the love that you couldn't Express all your life do you see that your soul is a piece of Hashem and nobody can abuse Hashem so even while all of this was happening your Nish was right there present experiencing everything but from a place of infinity and today when you're soul is talking because the layers have been removed your soul is saying wow I am so hurt that my gift of love was compromised and this was as genuine as you could get this was no show was not no show to me this was said with a lot a lot of tears and sobbing but it shows you the power of a soul a soul could never be destroyed stifled repressed crushed the person was not aware of their soul they had blockage after blockage after blockage after blockage they couldn't feel for them the only safety they had was to be they had to be Lev from themselves they couldn't even have a relationship with themselves once you start feeling emotions who knows what's going to come up once you start feeling your body who knows what's going to come up once you start being embodied and connected you don't even know what's going to happen so for brain especially his AMD he had to go into that place in order to be alive that was the L but ultimately the truth is that in that all there was a a there is a majestic Divine soul that remains so connected even connected as parad as hard as it is with those people and he forgave them he literally he he forgave them he forgave them genuinely they didn't ask for forgiveness but he forgave them now I'm I'm going to make this disclaimer because some people hearing this will say oh really I should forgive I'm not telling you to forgive I can't tell somebody else what to do but I'm saying that this person became so spiritually and emotionally healthy and robust that he realized he told this to me that not forgiving would have been Not only would have been a crime against himself why I can't forgive you really means what you still control my life you make me miserable you make me bitter and therefore I'm not going to forgive you my not forgiving you is my last chance for Revenge it's my last chance I'm not forgiving you rash and I get it I completely empathize and understand but realize you still have so much power over me now this is not something I can do with a snap of a finger I'm not going to sit in this room and say everybody just forgive because we're not talking about fictional forgiveness we're talking about an authentic authentic transformation what I am saying is that when you continue to work on yourself when we continue to work on ourselves with a lot of compassion and a lot of support and a lot a lot of love and a lot of honesty and authenticity the soul is capable at least very often maybe not always very often to reach a space where you really don't have control over my life where I could say you know what you did not ruin my life that's what Redemption means you did not ruin my life what do you mean you did not ruin my life you did once your soul is really really prevailing in your life you did not ruin you couldn't like nobody ruined God nobody ruined hashem's life nobody turned Hashem into a incompetent insecure where God wakes up in the morning he says I'm not sure do I exist don't I exist the prophet the last prophecy says I have not been destroyed I have not changed you too cannot be destroyed and that's also true individually about every about every single Nish so therefore when I'm in the place of my soul I will always know the sign for it is authenticity vulnerability and attachment authenticity means the soul will never lie vulnerability means the soul will not afraid to be will not be afraid to be honest to be vulnerable to be who I really am I'm not going to play other people in order to get somebody's approval and attachment means the soul is connected the soul wants to connect the soul is in a space of love now I may be triggered and I'm not ready to be authentic I'm not ready to be vulnerable I'm not ready to be attached and I have to understand that those things came up and I have to honor it and I have to work with it but I should not doubt that there's a Deeper Self that's waiting for full emancipation with is going to be unbelievable powerful connection and love no problem very good it's not me it's my phone I love that imagine we could say that always it's not me it's my phone it's not me it's my neam okay in the secular world as well it's true for everybody but we have to be careful because some people have been through so much and when people start telling them you know just forgive forgive it's easy for me to say to somebody else forgive but it's such a sensitive process that people really have to work through in themselves because you want it to be genuine you don't want it to be I forgave but really tomorrow I know that I did not forgive and the moment I see you right at my brother Sim I'm like I'm out of here right I'm out of here I'm out of here which which makes sense which makes sense so we just have to be very honest and you know there are ups and downs there are levels in forgiveness too can't tell the child forgive because the child has to be ready and that also you don't want forgiveness to come at the expense of people honoring honoring their experience you understand if forgiveness means I don't honor your experience I just want our family to look perfect what I'm really doing is I'm re abusing the person that's not fair that's not fair yeah great question this person told me that the hardest person to forgive was himself he forgave everybody else he thought that was the biggest hurdle and then when it came time to forgive himself he told me he was sobbing for hours saying to himself I did not do it I did not do it he has deceived he has imagined that he was guilty for everything and that was more painful than anything in other words the self shame was so deep that to let go of that was the hardest thing in the world people don't realize that forgiving the other may be very hard but forgiving the self in a way is so excruciatingly difficult because that's my entire narrative and sometimes so many things I do I think I'm doing out of responsibility because I'm blaming myself which means everything I'm doing is really feeding into my coping mechanis ISM and that's why so people we have it so many times we feel it so hard to serve H with we say why can't I serve H with joy why can't I DAV with joy why can't I prepare for shabas with joy why can't I have Kaneka with joy why do I always feel that sense of and I have to force myself to smile and I go to a and the says you have to be and I make believe I'm for six minutes until I see that the groceries have not been put away and those are the smaller stuff and I'm going to say something and it's I think very very authentic and very very deep and if it doesn't relate to you scratch it from the record it's fine and that is because very often my entire religious life may be a compensation for the inner Lack of self forgiveness so I'm daving and I'm learning and I'm doing Mitzvah really in order to find a way of saying you know what I'm not such a bad person after all in in other words my entire AEM is being controlled by trauma you with me yeah okay I'm not the only M I didn't think so for whatever reason I had a hunch that I wasn't yeah yeah over validation or it's manifested in so many way it's not even validation from somebody else nobody nobody will even know I may even say to myself you know I don't do this for anybody else I do this only for Hashem but my relationship with Hashem is so uh eclipsed it's so tarnished it's so contaminated and I blame Hashem and yeah ultimately he's you know to blame for everything but really I have to look into myself you know does God really want you to BL I I blaming myself and I don't know that so I blame Hashem because the soul doesn't have answers to all the questions but the soul is so happy in who it is because it's a manifestation of divine Oneness we say every day in daving it's the best line in Hashem space there's confidence and there's joy how do I know that I'm in the space of my soul there's confidence and there's joy there's confidence the soul doesn't doubt itself it knows who it is it has no questions who it is it doesn't doubt itself and it's in a place of joy and Bliss because it's a manifestation of hem who you talking about confidence Bliss which world are you living in I know we we we we operate very often with so many blockages and we don't always have the tools of even beginning to explore this process and it all begins with awarness but the truth is when a person has the courage to do real what's real peeling away these layers and going into this place of authenticity and vulnerability we reach a place of a real relationship and then we're not doing things to be y to cover up on myself shame there is actually full presence what does it mean to DAV with full presence to D with full presence doesn't mean that every thought that comes into my me I get angry and I push away that's not called Full presence full presence means I reach a place of such deep acceptance and I open myself up to my soul's relationship which is always connected it's a it's a channel for God and this it's literally hashem's light in this world and I'm in that place there is presence there's there's nothing else but presence presence I would say is one of the hardest things in life full presence you're in a conversation with your with your partner with your spouse with your soulmate with your child full presence full presence doesn't mean I'm not going to Costco I'm not watching a rabbi y why clip I'm not watching another piece of news obviously even my Clips can take away from your presence unless I'm talking about presence then you can watch it full presence is emotional it's emotional it's like this relationship is life how can I do that you know how many things I have to do I have so many things to do what I have nothing better to do than to play Monopoly with my kid really there's nothing better to do do you know what's happening in Israel as though if I stop playing Monopoly with him I'm going to be saving Israel because I'm a worried Ang anxious y Mama but full presence means actually I'm in a relationship with Hashem the said hasem recreates the world every single moment so that means the only moment that matters is right now in other words all of life is happening right now so to be present means I'm present to the Miracle of Life right at this moment and I'm in a place of gratitude gratitude gratitude for this moment that I am channeling I am a Channel of that energy and it's not I am with a sense of ego it's like an organic or organic Oneness with the source if you have been there you know what I'm talking about if you haven't been there you have what to look forward to all of us I mean very you know sadic is always in that place you know many of us even if we understand what we're talking about we can experence go in we go out because we have so many different blockages that's what is that's why we reconnect every day it's not I connect once you know you water a plant and it lives you you put an oil and the candle burns I have to replenish it so in this sense when this person is in that space there is a full sense of presence now here we come to one more step and this is how Judaism understands marriage of course it's easier father some people now this is not this doesn't have to do with being a social butterfly some people are Social Butterflies that's not what we're talking about some people go over at a to every person that they have what to say you know those people they have what to say they know how to I don't know how they do it they find something to say they find something to connect to connect and it's it's a gaval thing and they have seminars how to do it networking and all that they find how to connect but I'm not talking about that I'm not talking about anything that's exploitive or even not that they're manipulative or exploitive I'm not talking about you know a stick or a game or a talent that you skill we're talking about an essential Place sometimes there are people that are very very private people but they know how to connect you know when when when when you connect there there real it's real connection doesn't mean I'm loud and I have what to say to everybody and I love crowds not necessarily may be a very very intimate and private person but there's what's called exclusivity and intimacy when you're having a conversation with somebody is their exclusivity and intimacy Sometimes some people are just not capable of that and within two minutes they start talking about somebody else we're talking about heart-to- heart things why are we talking about somebody else cuz right away the whole world comes in it's a good distraction exclusivity and intimacy means connection PR full presence and full presence is is a very spiritual experience because it basically means that my soul is relaxed it accepts itself why is my soul relaxed the house is this p is coming p is coming it's it's almost like it's going to be what about some who gave you a right to relax and we're inos why you sitting on a couch why you Couch Potato why you sitting on a couch there somebody I know told me that every time they sitting on a couch with a cup of coffee there's a voice inside of them that says who gave you this right to be so narcissistic imagine I wonder where did that voice come from Matra brisban absar where did it come from not everybody here knows what I'm talking about and you're lucky right you like me with the babies of the family so we're good it's a but uh some people know what I'm talking about it's like you're going to be accused of laziness so now so a lot of my Aid is all based on these messages and it's very deep it's not conscious so how can I really be so it's like a force get ready for p with Force get ready for p with Force get ready and the truth is it's a lot of work but the more we could connect with that place that does not blame itself because it's really not guilty it's a whole different type of type of relationship I don't need to do it I get to do it I don't have to do it I have opportunity to do it so now let's see how this translates into marriage because that's really where these two different approaches play themselves out in the most powerful way there's really two ways of looking at marriage one way of looking at marriage is it's two separate people who came together they decided to build a dream together it may work out hopefully it's going to work out and and if it doesn't work out that's one way of looking at it the Jewish way of looking at it is much deeper Adam and K were created as one being then they were separated into two so the ramban says why didn't you just create two separate people with all other animals take horses Hashem made male and female and they propagate why with the human being you're anyway separating them so why are Adam and K created as one and then you go through a whole surgeon decoupling it says in brings they would do like SI Twins and now they have to be separated and I you have to put to sleep and he still didn't wake up that's the k k said that is still sleeping it's not my own V so this the but this is the whole idea if marriage would have separated and then essentially what's marriage two separate people joining and hopefully that it will work out marriage and Judaism is much deeper it says in Zar that it's it's two halves of one body coming backed together it's two halves of one soul in other words the the marriage is not a union it's a reunion there's a discourse of the bat he says why is a wedding a cause for celebration why and he answers he says something very powerful he says these two Souls were inseparably best friends before birth and then the souls came down into different families into different bodies and we meet different people during our life but it's not that friend it's not that best friend so when they get married it's a reunion of those two friends he says who haven't seen each other for so many years and they reconnect that's why is this relevant it's relevant because it means that a true marriage from a from the yish perspective is not two separate people who are now coming together and let's make it work but rather there's an essential organic Oneness and are one then they're separated when they come back together they're Bim they're reflecting who one so the feminine and masculine energy really complete that wholeness and the ramifications of that can be very very profound because what it means is is marriage suppressing my natural identity for the sake of a relationship in other words I'm surrendering me for the sake of you you're surrendering you for the sake of him or for the sake of her is that what's happening no on the contrary marriage really means that I'm allowing myself to connect with my own wholeness with my own fullness by connecting to the other by marrying the other we become like and when they're one in other words reflecting the Oneness of hasem and it doesn't mean they have the same personalities doesn't mean they always agree it's just like the limbs of the body like we spoke earlier everyone has their uniqueness their unique flow their unique light and TR also a husband and a wife when we say it's your second half okay your second half means yeah I'm Marrying the second half of my soul the second half like Adam the second half of his goof that has been separated now it doesn't mean that somebody who's not married is a flawed broken person and there's no life in singlehood to say that sometimes singles feel you know like people look at me like I'm this broken incomplete flawed person I have no life till I'm married that's not fear and it's not true but it means that there's something something deep deep in the person's soul that comes to its full fruition and act actualization with that connection with the other I have to tell you a brilliant V for my brilliant wife okay who some of you know she told me one day that what what does it mean you're marrying your second half so most people think it means you're marrying your second half right another person who's your second half she says it also means the second half inside of you that you never knew about and your spouse helps you find out about those parts of that you never learned about good huh yeah you see I chose well yeah I chose well everything I teach is basically what I heard from her more or less I'm not joking but uh the bottom line is it's in other words it's not just I getting a second half which is also powerful but it's really my own second half that I would have never had access to that's why our spouses trigger us like no one else so we get upset but really it's an opportunity to heal those parts that we never dealt with if we Embrace that opportunity during marriage great if not God gives us one more opportunity our children my spouse I could say oh it's your fault it's your issue with your children usually we grow up like maybe I have to see what's going on inside of me and that's why it say that marriage is a second birth it's like the Nish coming down a second time what does that mean every the comes down and it has TI to do it has something to fix if I take on the ti great and if not my spouse it's like a rebirth of going into my own second half and as a result of that the the the ramifications of that are very powerful if somebody's upset with their spouse somebody's having unresolved issues with their spouse it's very easy to say you have a problem you have an issue you go get therapy you're just like your mother that's a bad one I know do not practice this at home do not tell this to your husband he may be just like his mother but I don't know his mother so I'm not going to get involved in local politics but the point is we have to be sensitive however the key is very often what we're saying here really is that if I'm in a conflict with my spouse I'm really in a conflict with myself and that's why divorce in Judaism even though it's an option and there's Theus of divorce and sometimes it's tragically necessary but we see it as a tragedy we don't see it as an option I don't go into a doctor and say oh I have an inection in my hand you know if you can heal it good if not just cut off my hand you don't do that sometimes there's amputation to Save a Life sometimes but marriage is treated with such sanctity and divorce is treated with some s sensitivity because it's not just I had a friend and now I moved out yish guy doesn't see it that way it's a very very serious serious decision if there's no other choice sometimes it's necessary and then the T says how to get divorced how to give a get but if not don't consider it as an option no don't get married and if it doesn't work out we're going to get divorced and I would say it's one of the things that's missing in the secular society today why so many so many divorces happen it's because the foundation of marriage is missing the foundation of marriage is that hope y you're encountering you yourself in your other and therefore are we having issues maybe and we have to work things out and if I'm having issues with myself so what I'm going to tell the doctor to kill me I'm going to go to Dr kavor and tell him to put me to sleep because I'm having issues with myself I'm having issues with myself I'm going to work it out I'm having issues with my spouse I let's work it out because we're working out something that affects each one of us very very deep in turn again I'm going to say this because we have to be sensitive sometimes divorce Is tragically necessary and sometimes it may even save lives especially when there's real real abuse or horrendous stuff and shame on those men or women who hold back a get and torture their spouse torture their spouse by years and years of not giving a get or not taking a get shame on them and a disgrace on any person who supports them and helps them out committing this type of evil towards the mother or father of their children and as a result of that a person sees it differently so marriage is really it's not me versus you I did it this time you do it tomorrow I scored points today you score points tomorrow I want to go here you want to go here let's compromise maybe that's a stage in life but it represents really a painful reality in the deeper sense of marriage there is a real real trust a real real Bond where two people even though they're different can truly create space for the other and realize that in that space they will not lose themselves they will find themselves again if I developed coping mechanisms of loneliness I may not know how to do this it may be very very scary for me but I have to identify it as a wound and then have the ability to be able to heal so now after this we understand don't we now we get it now both answers are very very clear the tah wants you not to give a half a shekele the tah wants me to give a whole shekele but the question is who's me who am I if I am I I I I I then I have a question I'm giving a half a sheele why not give a whole shekele but if we just explain that who is the real eye the eye is you and me you and I are one so if you tell me to give a whole shekele it's like telling me half of you should give a whole shekele why should half of me give a whole shekele so the T says 20 G you're not giving 10 G you're giving 20 G doesn't say 10 it says 20 but who's giving the 20 G you who's you you and the other it's really one it's not a fake thing it's not fiction we don't talk about you know let's not let's be nice to each other on the contrary when we're truly true to ourselves we're one when there's blockages that's when we become separate so therefore the mitzah is that the true eye is giving a whole shek the true eye is always you and me together I'm a have you're a half together and take a look now at theam I'm not going to call the I'm not going to call this a feministic because the would not appreciate that term and I'm not going to use that term but it's quite astonishing what he says it's the last listen what he says by the sin of the golden calf not one woman was involved not one there was not one woman who contributed jewelry or was involved not only did they not participate they actually told their W their husbands I will not come back to you until you come back to yourself you're you're being insane you're being irresponsible you're being Miga we're finished when you're ready to come back and be normal again we're going to come back so when the relationships and all the marriages who was blemished a half of the Soul only the man if a man and a woman are two halves of one Soul so half of it was blemished the masculine not the feminine her marriage partner not her so hasem said when you want toone give a half a shek every man for him himself don't give a whole because his spouse his other half she's good why should she give her half a shekele he's the one who needs an atonement that's why yeah some people say the first every year was men and women but the first year it says right those from 20 and up men should give from 20 up for why not younger than 20 why men now we see not an insult to women it's a compliment to women it's people who were married and because they're married it's two halves and one half was blemished and therefore he has to atone but now let's go one step deeper take a look in the second so it's going to be our last Point wow okay we really uh having a good time today I say a meaningful time today I stand corrected the name the Jewish people sold the oldest son of gives a whole new reason for it says they took y from the pit they sold him to the isites who were going to Egypt how much did they sell y for ES 20 silver coins so kazal say that added up to five schum 12 20 silver coins added up to five schull how many brothers were involved in the sale of YF 10 so if they had five schull and they split it up between 10 Brothers what did everybody get a half a shekele so that's why we're giving a half a shekele we call itone it's basically Jews giving back the money that they once stole when they sold ysf into slavery everybody went home with a I once saw an article in a newspaper it was a secular newspaper somebody interviewed a satmer woman she was like 65 or so and he said to her are you jealous of women who leave the house at 8:00 in the morning they serve as judges or lawyers they go to the courthouse they're there 8:45 with their at Shake dressed up and I see you raised you know 13 kids and you must be so jealous and envious so she tells the reporter she says actually not come Friday night and you'll see I have 60 grandchildren who worship me everybody is jealous of me they worship me so basically according to this Tami the Jewish people are giving makk they're giving back the half a shekele they got for the sale of YF how does that me it's it's a fascinating commentary and it's pretty actually not very well known but what's the idea like like what's this idea that we're atoning for this by giving a how does it work but now we can understand it perfectly clear what was the thought process when they sold YF let's think about the thought process for a moment so the brothers looked at each other and they say in let's kill him let's kill him throw him into one of the pits and we'll see what happens to his dreams basically the message was life without him will be much easier much simpler we have one brother who's really a rotten potato the black sheep in the family pun intended and if we could only get rid of him you know we won't have this competition we won't have somebody dreaming that we're all going to bow down to him we don't have somebody who has these dreams that he's going to be our King and we're going to be his slaves and subjects we're not going to have this kid who's getting all the love of tati and we're getting nothing we're ch Delver we're not going to have this kid who's going to remind us and remind tati about all of our failures and all of our issues life will be normal without him just get rid of him that's the thought process and they get rid of him they get a little money they go home as always God has the last laugh reality has the last laugh it turns out as follows if not for YF Not only would they not have had a peaceful life Not only would have they that had a non-p peaceful life without YF they would have all died from Hunger so it's not just YF was a brother without YF it turns out none of them would live the only reason they can all live and Yakov was because of YF because he became the Prime Minister and he figured out how to put away food during the times of hunger and he fed them so suddenly as life moves on as history moves on after they sell y they come home Yakov is grieving Yakov is in mourning they suddenly realize they made a mistake there's no peace in the family the family is broken but they still don't understand why later they see if not for YF being in Egypt none of them would survive their whole future dependent on YF so imagine two brothers who get into a fight they stop talking to each other one looks at the other brother and says I don't like you I hate you I'm done with you I'm done with you and then the other brother who's actually may be an innocent person but okay his brother doesn't want to talk to him to him and then one day this brother who threw him away suddenly needs a kidney transplant and the only match he has is his brother and suddenly he realizes it's time to look at things differently maybe getting rid of you was not the solution maybe getting rid of you was really getting rid of me getting rid of my future that's what the brothers discovered the brothers discovered that y was an indispensable part of the family an indispensable part of the symphony getting rid of him meant getting rid of themselves getting rid of their second half getting rid of their future getting rid of their Destiny they needed to expand their Horizons and create space for a YF rather than narrow their Horizons and exclude YF yph was not their enemy YF was their potential to expand YF was their potential to change the world YF was their potential to transform Society YF was the Paradigm of ultimately nourishing a whole World during the time of famine YF can teach them something about themselves that they didn't know this is what YF told them you thought you're going selling me really really hasem sent me to be able to bring life to you and it's interesting and this I'm going to conclude with there's two talmuds that are study talmi the Babylonian talmud the Jerusalem talmud and it's different paths there different Cycles different styles there's only one tractate one M that's from Yi and it made it into all the prints of talmud bav even the first print of of Shas of gamar was 1522 in Venice 1522 Venice Italy that's 30 years after the expulsion from Spain it's the first printing press came out then first tal even in that first print one track date made it in from Yi into and therefore those who learn they don't learn besides that tractate which tract why so the Reb said because represents that we're two halves we're one so even B and ultimately come together even those who learned the bonian tal they learn captures that truth of Eternal essential Oneness have a beautiful week than wow God's very nice very nice invading God's Outlet if I'm an outlet of Hashem so this is invading God's Outlet do you think it's right's book's book The Lonely Man of faith it has a lot a lot of beautiful points but I think at its core it's rooted in a sense of sadness Rabbi saak RAB Jonathan saak wrote an article and said he said that the Tanya had a different vision of reality okaye yeah isem how do you know that's not what Hashem wants I don't know I don't know that the word is Hashem wants us all in therapy but I think Hashem wants us all to work through our pus let's understand that's why we that's why we all need to support each other and give each other access you know see this it's not available you're right you're right I know that's why we need people like yourself and your ilk to change the paradigms and to become uh sources of influence feels too small always it's not it's not you never know you never know you don't have to play God you have to be you and when everyone radiates their own light things happen beyond our imagination is it enough no it's not enough they still need tools they need the tools of how to deal with triggers they need the tools of how to deal with their pain they need the tools of how to access this information in daily life if not it Just remains a nice Shear especially access to the nervous that the nervous system doesn't come to the shear the nervous system I don't have to tell you has its own rules so if I don't have ways of dealing with my nervous system which is the way that my mind communicates with my body it all remains uh abstract down from all the pain that I see andess don't know how to find but you're helping people yeah right but then then there people that I'm not helping that I understand too hard they can't find they don't how I understand and how manyin I see few I understand there's also you know there something called the The Tipping Point you heard about the Tipping Point there's a point where there's going to be such a weirdness on explosion and it's going to be a Tipping Point the rambam says you have to see every mitzvah you know the says like the world is a equal scale like she and one Mitzvah tips it and the whole world changes and this also there's going to be a Tipping Point in other words now a little more awareness a little more some point there's going to be a Tipping Point where it's like it's going to be like oxygen give me water give me water show me so realize that but that's how it's that's how it's that's what happens reality pushes pushes pushes until it gets through the dam know there's a dam blocking the water blocking the flow at some point the current becomes so powerful the pressure builds up and it mounts against the wall and it breaks through the dam and then everybody will be running for healing so get ready lot of it's an honor to have you I see how you uh taking the information says last the this was M's last yes the last last ever said was this and he went on to a whole different inion I I I didn't begin to have time but uh but this was the last yeah you're welcome thank you thank you for coming amazing 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