The Key to Marital Harmony: Two People, One Picture - Rabbi Yitzchak Botton

a guy shows up complaining to the rabbi rabbi so-and-so he did this he did that he owes me this so the rabbi listened and he said okay I hear you you're right what the guy did was not nice and the guy leaves five minutes later another guy walks in it's the guy that he was talking about it he says rabbi I need to speak to you you're not gonna believe so and so he did this and that so the rabbi listened to him as well and said to him I hear what you're saying you know you're right it's not nice whatever what happened and he leaves two minutes later the rabbi's wife walks in and says how could you say that you said they're both right so he answered his wife you're also right sometimes we're looking to justify our position we want to be right and we paint a picture in our heads that make ourselves right now when dealing with marriage it's a very rigorous you know it's not a part-time job marriage is a full-time lifetime job it's 24/7 for many many years and if we come in with the attitude of but I'm right so you could be right but meanwhile you'll be fighting the bottom line with a marriage isn't about only being right it's about two people working together to create harmony in the home Shama bite is above all actually the Torah says that in order to create and facilitate salaam by shams name is erased Hashem says so to speak erase my name if it's gonna help bring Shalom by it and so we should take a lesson from that very important lesson and tell ourselves when things get heated between husband and wife especially to the point where you need to go to an outside party for help we have to ask ourselves what is our focus it's just too much of a selfish minded perspective where it's about me in my life then of course you'll figure out that you're right and your wife is wrong and your complaint and vice versa the wife will come to with her complaint saying I'm right that my husband is wrong and many times when you hear each story separately like in the story I started with each one will sound right because of the way that they're seeing the picture when you paint a picture one way so then of course you'll be right we have to understand that marriage is about both people with one picture if we can put our picture aside and help talk with our wives and husbands to one picture for the both of us then we will hopefully have a better chance of seeing the other person's perspective and reaching a conclusion that is above who's right and who's wrong [Music]