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The Innocent Eisav: How We Destroy Many a Child - By Rabbi YY Jacobson
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The Torah Text Compels Us to Empathize with Eisav This class was presented to women on Tuesday Parshas Toldos, Nov. 29, 2016, at Ohr Chaim, Monsey, NY. In this class, Rabbi YY Jacobson answers the big question, how can we call Eisav a Rasha if his fate was predetermined in the womb of his mother? As it turns, out Judaism creates special space for struggle, and so should we. What G-d wants from you is not what He wants from me. Children should ever be compared to each other.
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Auto-generated transcript. Not time-synced to the video.
The Yeshiva.net
There is a story
that
I can probably speculate most of us
sitting in this room
have grown up with
from a very early age
because it's a story that's shared each
year
to students both girls and boys
in schools, hadarim, talmud torahs,
yeshivas
or whatever the
setting of learning is.
It's one of these ancient traditions
that gets transmitted
year after year to Jews growing up in an
environment of Jewish education.
And sometimes when you hear something
so many times and from such an early age
you never stop to ask
how really can one understand this or
appreciate this because at face value
there would be something
that really begs for clarification.
And I'm referring here to the story
the opening of the parshas of parshas
told us where it says that Rivka
finally after many years vatacha Rivka
ishtoh
she becomes pregnant but vayisrotzetzu
habanim bekirbah
the fetuses, the children are agitated
in her.
And this creates a crisis for her, an
identity crisis.
It's not just physical pain
which in and of itself is not easy to
bear
but vatomer she says according to pasuk
im kein
lama zeh anochi
if so, why am I? How do you understand
this question?
Somebody is carrying a child
and it's a difficult pregnancy.
So the possuk says, she says "Im kein
lomo zeh anochi." Why am I?
What does why am I mean? Why do I exist?
Why am I here?
Why do I have an identity? Why is it
that I have a sense of I? Lomo zeh
anochi.
You remember the possuk him? Anybody
remembers? Huh?
You could look it up in the beginning of
told us.
But telech lidroish Hashem.
She goes to inquire from Hashem
an answer to this dilemma. Why am I?
Not why am I hurting.
Not is there any
homeopathic remedy.
Not
can we do this any other way.
But rather why am I? Lomo zeh anochi.
That's a very heavy question. Why am I?
Did you ever ever Did you ever hear
anybody ask such a question? Why am I?
Not what am I? That's also a deep
question.
But that you hear.
Why am I?
You could speak.
Rene Descartes said "I think, therefore
I am." So you think therefore you Um not
David Hume, you mean Descartes. No.
Descartes. David Hume.
Descartes. I think, therefore I am.
Okay. Right. Right.
And the joke is that he once came to a
restaurant
and he asked for a coffee, a cafe,
and they said with sugar? He says I
don't think so. So he disappeared.
Why am I? Okay, it's it's it's just
interesting
that this was her reaction to what seems
like a physical
physical pain.
What's God's response? Shnei
bevitnech.
There are two nations in your womb.
Ushnei leumim me'ayich yipparedu.
Two civilizations will depart from your
inwards.
Ula'am la'am ye'amatz.
And one will gain strength from the
defeat of the other.
Verav ya'avod tza'ir, the great will
serve the small the young.
And Rivka's satisfied.
How does that ease her problem?
She had a very difficult agitated
experience carrying these babies.
It was so difficult to the point that
she questions her identity.
So, Hashem says it's all good. There's
two nations in your womb. Well, now I'm
really excited.
I thought it was one one kid. Now
there's two. Okay, great. So, does that
make When you know that you have twins,
does it make it easier?
If she was bothered by the pain, the
pain was still there.
The agitation was still there.
Chazal tell us, and this is the
tradition I'm referring to, Rashi brings
it,
Vayitrotzatzu comes from the word
ritzah, running.
Gravitating.
That the two children in the womb were
gravitating to two
different
ideals.
Whenever Rivka passed by
a home,
a yeshiva, a place of Torah,
the yeshiva of Shem or Ever,
Yaakov was gravitating outward. He was
kicking.
And whenever she passed by a pagan
ashram or center, a monastery,
even though when we learned it, our
teacher told us when she passed by a
kirche. You know what a kirche is?
A church.
Then I grew up, I found out that
Christianity happened a little bit after
that. So, I'm not sure Rivka passed by
churches.
But, uh
she passed by whatever they were, pagan
centers of idolatry.
So, Esau was kicking.
So, in the womb, he was gravitating to
idolatry, and that was the agitation.
The agitation was, "Lama zeh Anochi? Why
am I?" This is what's happening.
So, what does Hashem say?
"Two nations are coming from your womb."
Did that make it easier? That satisfied
her answer. Now it's fine.
Why? You still have a child who's
gravitating to
avodah zarah. How did that satisfy
Rivka's Rivka's dilemma? So, whether you
whether you explain it literally or
moral pidrash homiletically,
how was her dilemma solved?
I want to change the subject, though.
We grow up calling Yaakov a tzaddik and
Esau a rasha.
You don't grow up calling a lioness a
rasha
and a sheep a tzaddik.
And the reason is because the lioness
didn't choose to be a lioness, and the
sheep didn't choose to be a sheep.
They are genetically programmed, encoded
to follow the instincts in order to
survive, live, and propagate.
The lioness, as she is born from her
mother, or the lion who are born from
his from its mother,
grow up, they're nurtured by their uh
the cubs are nurtured by the lioness,
who ultimately teach them how to live,
how to survive. And everything they do
in order, including catching and hunting
for their prey,
is genetically dictated by them in order
to satisfy their hunger and their will
to live.
The antelope survives one way, the
cheetah another. The elephant one way
and the grizzly bear another. The hyena
one way and the fox another.
One will not call the antelope the
saddiq of the generation
and the cheetah the rasha of the
generation. Even though if you follow
National Geographic
or you visited Kruger's Kruger's
National Park or other jungles, you know
that the scene is not always so um
pleasing to the eye.
But this is the only world they know.
This is the only behavior they know.
This is not called evil.
They're not making a moral choice. The
lioness doesn't wake up in the morning
and say, "Who am I going to kill today?
Who am I going to murder today? Whose
life am I going to destroy today?"
And the sheep doesn't get up in the
morning and say, "I decided today I'm
going to be nice, pleasant, docile,
submissive."
And yet we call Esau a rasha.
Yaakov a saddiq. Is that fair?
In the womb of his mother
he was gravitating to idolatry. Who
makes the choices
in the womb of their mother? Anybody
remembers?
The things you chose in the womb of your
mother, who chose them?
You actually calculated, you thought
about it, you weighed the pros and the
cons, you had an impulse and you had to
triumph over it?
Even when we're born, for years we don't
make choices.
Others make choices for us, hopefully
better ones.
But in the womb of the mother
you're basically completely not the
separate conscious creature making
choices.
It's basically reflective of your genes,
of your genetic makeup, of your mother's
egg, of your father's seed.
Which is the comp the material that
creates the embryo that develops into a
fetus.
Who was making Esau's choices at that
point? Esau or God?
Who decided that Esau should gravitate
to avoid the Zohar? He?
He made such a decision. And who decided
that Jacob should gravitate
to homes of Torah and monotheism,
Amunah? Jacob?
This is what we call in English
predetermined.
Their life seems to be playing out a
And it's a script from which Esau could
not deviate.
How could he deviate from it when in the
womb of his mother he was even going
there? You can't blame it on nurture.
First of all, he was nurtured by good
parents. But this is absolute nature.
Momish nature. It's not even a question
of nature and nurture. This is before
any nurture, before upbringing, before
an environment. He wasn't influenced by
anybody. This is in the womb of his
mother he's gravitating to avoid the
Zohar. Now he's born and everybody his
mother knew this.
Maybe that's why she liked Jacob.
Now he grows up and he goes that path.
Why are you calling him a Russia? Is he
much different than the Is the
difference in him and Jacob much
different than the difference between
the lioness and the and the goat or the
sheep?
You don't call the lioness a Russia.
That's how she was created.
Did Esau have choice? Or did Esau not
have choice?
If it's in the womb of his mother,
doesn't seem like he had a choice.
Which brings us to the really the next
issue. And that is what's happening in
the womb of our mothers is really
reflective of our mothers more than of
ourselves.
Or reflective at least of our fathers
more than of ourselves. So Esau's
gravitating to avoid the Zohar seems to
be more
an issue of Yitzhak and Rivka than of
him.
Because in the womb of your mother,
you're not a separate child. Ubar yerech
imo, as the Gemara says, a fetus is part
of the mother.
So, who's really gravitating to avoid
the zara?
This is the product of Yitzchak and
Rivka. That would seem very strange to
say about Yitzchak and Rivka.
Which brings us to another issue
and a larger issue.
And that is
When one reads
I said this a few days ago in the
ministry, a very Not yesterday.
A very interesting phenomenon.
When we learn in school Chumash, we
usually learn it immediately with Rashi
and Meforshim.
When your teachers taught you Chumash or
there are some teachers I know in the
crowd, you teach Chumash.
I don't know how you teach, but I know
how I I was taught Chumash. Immediately
we learned it with the Meforshim.
That's wonderful, but it also poses a
challenge.
Challenge is most students never get
the feel of the text itself.
Cuz we right away interject
commentary on the text. Now, although
the commentary is vital and important
and of course true,
but
there's something to say about letting
the text itself impact you
without any accessories. That's step
two. Step one is just seeing if this is
sacred text, divine text, what does the
text say?
And remember, Rashi didn't have Rashi.
Right?
You know that, right? Ramban didn't have
Ramban.
Siforno Kli Yakar, they didn't have. For
thousands of years they just had the
text. So, how did they read the text?
We're reading the text through their
eyes, but they couldn't read the text
through their eyes. They had to read the
text.
That was a luxury they had that we don't
have anymore.
It's good sometimes just to see the text
without anything else.
And then see what we're dealing with.
So now
I'll I'll I'll ask you if you have time
to do this. You'll see it's interesting.
You read the parsha, read parsha told us
without Rashi
without any commentary.
Just read the text. And tell me at the
end of the parsha, who do you empathize
with more?
Do you empathize more with Yakov?
Do you empathize more with Esau?
Some of you don't understand where I'm
going because may I say
you have been so uh
I didn't want to use that word.
I didn't want to use that word. I know
the word indoctrinated very well.
Influenced.
Psyched up? So Zion is Zion. Okay, I
wasn't going so dramatic.
But if psyched up works, fine.
Let me use my word.
We have been influenced by the coming
What do you mean? What do we Esau is a
rasha, rasha, lowlife. I didn't say a
rasha don't have a kill, horrible
horrible kid. Everybody knows it.
Yitzchak is in la-la land. Esau deceives
him. I got that.
I know, I also drank your Kool-Aid.
But if you read the text, that's not the
case.
There is not one negative, genuine
negative statement that parsha told us
says about Esau. Not one.
A few little stuff, but I'll tell you
what they are.
If I read the text without any
knowledge, without preconceived notions
without reading commentary
without midrashim or stories that have
been told to me about Esau.
I just read the text itself and I have
nothing else by which to judge anybody's
standards or experiences or reactions.
Let's face it.
Esau
is born first
and Jacob is not happy about it. He's
holding on to his heel and not letting
him get out. So immediately before I
read anything else, Jacob is the one
who's not comfortable with his position.
He comes out.
He's called Esau, he's called Jacob.
Rebecca loves Jacob, Isaac loves Esau.
Jacob is a a studious student and Esau
knows how to hunt, he's a man of the
field. Okay.
Okay. So in other words, today they
would diagnose him as ADD, as ADHD,
maybe some other diagnosis. He can't sit
still. He's not a studious, he's not a
bookworm. He's a social creature, he
loves hunting, he loves sports, he's an
athlete. He loves the field, he loves
hiking, he loves the outdoors, he loves
the water.
He's a mischievous fellow and he's very
very active. Okay.
Shine.
He has a special relationship with his
father, it says sayed be feev, he feeds
him.
What happens in the next scene is Esau
comes on from the field and he's
exhausted.
All it says is he's exhausted.
Doesn't say anything else. And his
brother cooked up this delicious dinner.
It happened to be a lentil soup. So Esau
says, can I have some of the Adam, can I
have some of these lentils?
Right? So his brother says, no problem.
It would be like I'm coming to your
house, I'm exhausted, can I have a
little soup? He says, no problem, just
write off over your house to my name.
Here's a deed, sign. Sign over your
house and your car and your second house
and everything you own just sign it over
to me and of course I'll give you lentil
soup.
Excusez moi, who's the nice person here?
Who's the nice person here?
SO JACOB SAYS NO PROBLEM. I'LL GIVE YOU
A PIECE OF SUSHI. I want your
birthright.
Who's talking about my birthright? I
asked you for a little food. You're my
brother. Nope, I want your birthright.
So Esau actually says something very
primally says
the way I'm living I'm going to die
anyway.
Okay, he's on the wild side. I don't
need birthright. So he gives over the
birthright to turn it as he embarrassed
his birthright.
The next scene
as we move on his father offers him to
give him brooches. You bring me food, I
bless you.
And Rifka behind the curtain overhears
tells Jacob, I'll give you the food.
You'll dress up like Esau. You'll take
the blessings.
That's what happens. And when Esau comes
back he's so disappointed. When he finds
out that this moment which promised to
be a moment of intimacy between father
and son of great affection, of great
love, of great camaraderie was snatched
away from him. His father says your
brother came deceitfully and took the
blessing and Esau looks at his father
and we can hear his voice. He says,
that's why you named him Jacob. Jacob
means sly, outsmarting.
He's been always outsmarting me. He
stole my birthright and now he took my
birthright and now he took my blessing.
Kishmaia Esau is divrei Yakov vayitzak
tzaka gdola umara. He cries out this
primal cry and I I just read the text
and every year I feel this boy who feels
that he was never given a chance. This
primal bitter cry from the beginning of
my life this sport that my brother
cannot allow me to be.
In the womb he couldn't allow me to be.
As an older brother he couldn't allow me
to be in a moment of intimacy with my
father. He doesn't allow me to be. And
he turns to his father and says, "Bless
me, too." And he says, "I already gave
away your blessings." And he says, "I
brocha achas ilocha, you only have one
blessing." Vayisa Esav es kol elav
vayev.
He begins weeping. Rarely does the Torah
describe emotions, ever.
And one of the few exceptions is here.
It wants us to mit fill in, to empathize
with Esav's emotions.
The kid who's standing there like a oiz
geklapter hashaina on a shaina rabba.
You know what it looks like?
And it wasn't clapped five times, it was
clapped 500 times. His own mother told
him he's a rotten apple.
And finally looks at his father and he's
weeping and he Nobody gave me a chance.
And what's the next stage? He wants to
kill his brother. Okay, who doesn't?
Who doesn't?
Many people want to kill their brother,
or sister, or mother, or this one, this
one. I wish I could kill them. These are
primal human instincts. Present company
excluded.
Or so etiquette demands to say.
But you know what I'm talking about. He
never kills him. He thinks he wants TO
KILL HIM. OKAY, SHANE. YOU NEVER HAD
somebody who got under the skin and you
say, "I wish this person was dead." You
don't have to all raise your hand
simultaneously. But you know the answer
to the question if you're honest with
yourself. And if you're not, get out.
You could stay, it's fine.
Okay, HE WANTS TO KILL HIS BROTHER,
SHANE.
You want If every time you want to kill
somebody, you would be considered a
murderer, like you want.
Especially in a moment of rage, in a
moment of anger, your impulses are
taking the better of you.
That's what happens to people.
Never kills him.
And Rivka he Yaakov away because your
brother wants to kill him. That's the
end of the story.
The one thing we know it says is that
Esau married two women
and his parents did not like them. Okay,
welcome to the club.
Your Schwieger loves you?
Every Schwieger loves a daughter-in-law.
Every Schwieger loves a son-in-law. We
all know the truth.
Again, present company, of course,
excluded.
Yitzchak and Rivka didn't like Esau's
wives. Okay.
It's not the end of the world.
Many marriages have survived that way.
When you read told us
Esau is not depicted as an evil monster.
When you read the Meforshim, there's a
new story.
He's been kidnapping women.
He was a rapist. He was a murderer. He
was a killer. He was a lowlife.
He was a despicable person. A whole
different story.
I'm not doubting the facts.
I'm marveling on the fact that the
Chumash
eliminates even one such mention of
moral monstrosities.
Even one mention of atrocities that Esau
committed.
Of terrible promiscuity.
Of evil monstrous negative unethical
behavior.
What I get from Esau is
he's not a scholar.
Okay.
He's not going to be giving the sheer
daf yomi. Okay.
He's not a citizen. He's good outside.
He's a great hunter. He's a man of the
land. He loves his father.
He loves his He'll do anything for his
father.
And his father loves him.
His mother and him have some issues.
And it doesn't start off with him,
apparently. We also find out that his
brother has been taking a lot of things
from him and it's hurting him very
badly. And at one point, he says I want
to kill this kid.
Chazal had a tradition about Esau that
he was a rasha.
My question is, number one, if it was in
the womb of his mother,
it's not his fault. Number two, the text
will not give us a clue
of Esau being a bad kid. In fact, I'll
maintain it again. If you read Toldos
without mefarshim,
at the end you read the text in Hebrew,
even better, and even in English, but
even the original even better, and allow
your imagination just to be relaxed, and
not to make judgments, and not to
reinterpret old interpretations into the
text, and you tell me the truth
honestly, if you don't cry together with
Esau the moment he is
manipulated
by the people he trusted most.
His mo- by the people we should trust
most, our mothers
and our siblings.
So,
I want to try to give perspective to
Asia Hashem Yisborch.
Because the story that we are really
reflecting upon is not a story only
about two people, two brothers, and
their parents who lived
3,600 years ago or so,
but it's really an ongoing
timeless story
about every person sitting in this room,
every person really,
every one of our children, every one of
our grandchildren, and really every one
of us.
It's an inner story.
Like all stories in Torah, they're not
only outer stories, they're inner
stories. And inner stories are always
timeless.
Yaakov and Esau were two siblings,
twins,
born and merged together from the same
mommy and tatty from Rivka and Yitzchak.
So, let's reflect on our Rambam.
The Rambam, Rabbeinu Moshe ben Maimon,
who some call Maimonides, is known as
Rambam,
lived in the 12th century.
He wrote many, many works. Until today,
the Rambam is considered one of the
greatest scholars,
halakhic authorities, leaders,
philosophers of Judaism.
The Rambam has a small pamphlet, what
you would call today a pamphlet,
known as Shmona Prakim,
eight chapters,
an essay, a long treatise, a long
pamphlet, a book, a little booklet of
eight chapters, Shmona Prakim. It was
his introduction to Pirkei Avot.
He wrote a commentary on all of
Mishnayot, including Pirkei Avot, the
Ethics of the Fathers, and as an
introduction to Pirkei Avot, he wrote
eight chapters,
a small volume.
In chapter six, he says it's important
to understand
that there are two types of people.
I'll use his words and then I'll
explain. It's actually not his words cuz
he wrote the com- he wrote this book in
Arabic.
It was translated into Hebrew. It's not
written in Hebrew. Most of the Rambam's
works, in fact, all of them besides one,
were written in Arabic, as most of the
rabbis and the sages who lived in Muslim
countries during those years, the 12th
century, the 10th century, the 11th
century, the 13th the 12th century, 13th
century. It's a fascinating phenomenon.
If the Muslim world wants to learn
Jewish philosophy, they have much closer
access to it than Jews, cuz we only read
translation. They can actually
understand the original.
In fact, there was once a Jew called me.
He already passed away. He was a very
interesting person. He was a scholar and
activist. And he said that he wants to
suggest something.
That in light of the Muslim atrocities
and fundamentalist Islam rearing its
ugly head around the world, why don't we
take the classic works of Jewish
philosophy
and make them available in the millions,
the hundreds of millions in mass to Arab
communities around the world because
these were such enlightened works by
great philosophers. Let them read it and
perhaps it can influence them.
ISIS wasn't interested. Let's put it
that way.
Nor was Al-Qaeda very
very passionate about this idea.
The Rambam writes there are two types of
people.
The way it's translated in Hebrew is
Hamula
and
Yitzhara.
Hamula
literally means
the good pious person.
Yitzhara is the person who conquers
their inclinations.
What is the distinction he's making?
He's saying never think that a nation or
a family or even one person is made up
of one dough.
As we say in Yiddish,
cannot from one cake.
A person is not needed from one dough.
And a nation is not needed from one
dough and a family is not.
It's not one dough. There is diversity.
And diversity is sown into the very
fabric of a people.
And generally he speaks about two
categories.
One is somebody who by nature is good,
moral, ethical.
And one is somebody who struggles.
They must struggle with everything.
Everything is a fight.
And nothing for them comes easy.
Almost nothing is inherited.
Every step of the way they have to
struggle
to earn whatever they want to earn.
And at the end they can really call it
their own cuz really nobody gave it to
them.
And he says it's two very different
figures.
And it's not their choice.
Some things in life we choose. This we
don't choose.
You can choose what you do with your
struggles.
How you view your struggles.
How you navigate them and what your
conclusions are.
You can choose whether
you're born
in one way or you're born another way.
Let's take it with children.
There are children you all know
who grow up, you did not maybe in 12
years in school you didn't get one call
from the principal about them.
They're up at 6:00. The homework was
done already 5 minutes after they came
home from school.
They're dressed an hour before the bus
comes, waiting patiently for the bus to
arrive.
They're always on time, well-behaved,
their clothes on the right place. I'm a
chaya.
And then you have another child. You're
waiting for one day that you don't get a
call from school.
One child one day that they shouldn't
miss the bus so you don't have to drive
them for 20 minutes and get stuck in the
9:00 or 8:30 morning Muncie traffic.
You're waiting for that one day that
they'll actually do what they're
supposed to do.
And follow the routine, follow the
pattern.
You have chosid amulo. You have that son
or daughter.
They just follow the route, they follow
the program.
And everyone says, "Ah, ah
Nachas."
You hatch them, you match them, and you
dispatch them. And it's all easy.
It all works. That's it.
You go from the bris to the upsherin to
the bar mitzvah AND TO STROLL CHUPPAH,
BOOM. CALL ME WHEN YOU HAVE a
grandchild. I'll come for the pidyon
haben.
I'll sponsor the chocolates.
That's it. Wonderful.
And then you have other children
who are very different.
They get to your kishkes.
Anybody knows what I'm talking about?
Nobody does, right? Okay.
Present company excluded. Monsey got
none of those, huh? Everybody just
follows on the right path.
Yeah.
The 59, right?
Nuntas, noisen tam.
That's 59.
Batamt, so batamts.
You have a son or a daughter
and there's these challenges.
How do we view this?
The same is true with educational
institutions.
With yeshivas, with Beis Yaakovs, with
Beis Rochels, with Beis Sarahs, with
Whatever it is.
Boys schools or girls schools.
There's often a model which celebrates a
particular child.
And when you fit this model,
you're great.
But when you stick out, what do we do?
I sent my son to a particular yeshiva, a
very good yeshiva.
So I asked him the other day, "How is
the yeshiva?"
He says it's good.
So I said,
"Is the yeshiva made up of a box?
And does everybody have to fit into that
box?
He thinks, he says,
absolutely yes.
It just happens to be that by nature I
fit their box.
So, for me it works.
But if somebody wouldn't fit into that
box,
oy vey voy.
So, it happens to be that by nature I
fit into their box, so it works for me.
It was an insightful observation.
And sometimes we ask ourself, what
mistakes did we make
as good Jewish mothers or good Jews? If
a Jew doesn't feel guilty,
she blames herself.
What mistakes did I make? What sins did
I commit?
What transgressions did I do that God
punished me and my husband so badly
to be able to deal with this child? And
I'm talking about if it's at age six
with six-year-old struggles, or age 13
with 13-year-old struggles, or when it
gets a little more exciting at age 17,
18, 19, or even more exciting at later
years.
But the truth is that the whole
perspective needs to be reinvented.
Moishe Rabbenu similar bonam.
The Rambam says, if you think
that people are supposed to be the same,
you got it wrong.
The whole basis of civilization is that
there is diversity inherent
into the fabric of society.
No two people are supposed to be the
same, and therefore to demand from two
children to grow up identically
is not only unreasonable, but it's
cruel.
Not only is it cruel, it represents a
display of profound ignorance,
not only of what is realistic, but even
more
of a spiritual relationship with God.
Because the one who's ultimately
responsible for differences is not you.
It's the Ribono shel Olam.
So, if you can cannot respect divergent
journeys, you can't respect God.
You worship so
you worship the culture of your society.
You don't worship God.
When you worship God, you respect
diversity. In fact, you celebrate
diversity because diversity was created
by Hashem. When you worship the culture
of a society that wants everybody to
look the same, that's a form of subtle
idolatry.
So, the Rambam tells us that there are
two different types of Jews, and they
will forever be different.
And their paths sometimes cross over
very little.
There's the Hasid Amulo.
There's that wonderful pious person what
they call goody-goody.
You're just a good you're just good.
Things work out for you.
You know, functional home, a fine home,
good disposition, you like to do the
right thing.
Somehow Yiddishkeit speaks to you with
simcha ya.
And that's wonderful. Celebrate it,
dance with it, fly with it, and move on.
Not in a form of arrogance, but in a
form of satisfaction.
But then there's another soul.
And the other soul is the conqueror of
inclinations, Koivush ha'Yitzer.
Somebody who fluctuates. Somebody who
has ups and downs. They take nothing for
granted.
And that's why they can experience
gratitude.
And they make sacrifices, and they have
to fight and battle. What do they have
to battle?
They may have to battle deep inner
skeletons,
demons, ghosts,
fears, insecurity. Never mind if there
was abuse. Never mind if there was
molestation.
Never mind if there was serious
dysfunction in their life, but even if
not,
sometimes from the womb, from nature,
God set them on a different path.
They're sensitive to things that other
people are not sensitive. They may have
to deal with fears, insecurities,
anxiety, depression, inclinations that
other people might not even fathom or
understand.
What about people struggling with
homosexual tendencies?
It's easy to say it doesn't exist in my
family, but it does exist in your family
or in your neighbor's family, or in your
friend's family. And it's easy TO TELL
SOMEBODY, "WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BE LIKE
YOUR BROTHER?
WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BE LIKE YOUR SISTER?"
It's foolish. It's cruel.
It's insensitive, and most importantly,
it's unholy to speak like that. It's
ungodly. These challenges were not
chosen necessarily by this person.
Sometimes a person could take
accountability for challenges.
If my GPS,
or what we call today Waze, tells me,
"Make a right,"
and I say,
"She doesn't know what she's talking
about."
I told the GPS people that for men, they
should only sell GPS with men talking,
not women, cuz it reminds them of their
wives,
and they're afraid to listen.
If you tell them to go right, they say,
"Who? I know better."
That's what men do.
But they insist on having ladies'
voices. I don't understand why. My issue
wasn't sneers.
I never even thought of that. My issue
was that Oh, you could change it, baruch
Hashem, but men won't figure that out.
And usually, they're too lazy to do
that.
So, if their GPS tells me to go right,
then I go left, and then I find myself
on the way to California.
I could say, "You know what? As there's
a fault, so come there."
Next time, listen to Waze.
Although you're not always supposed to
listen cuz they don't know how to do
U-turns. They always follow structure,
and sometimes you have to defy
structure. Okay? So, when you didn't
listen to the GPS, GPS Russia Tavis
God's positioning system,
you could say you made a left, you were
supposed to make a right, eat the kasha.
Eat the cholent that you made. Okay, I
got it.
But we all know that many struggles in
life
were really not chosen by this boy or
girl at the age of 16 or 17 or 23.
And what about mental illness?
Something else we don't talk about.
What about mental illness?
The stigma of all stigmas that nobody's
allowed to talk about.
Who choose who chose that?
And what type of struggles do people
have to deal with? And what about deep
depression?
And what about other forms of anxiety?
I'm not going to stand here and read off
a billion medical terms.
But these are things that people often
deal with and face
on a daily basis, on a weekly basis, on
a monthly basis.
And other challenges that a person has
either from nurture or from nature and
usually a combination of both of them.
And here we come to Jacob and Esau.
Jacob and Esau were the two children of
Yitzchak and Rivkah.
And they were not destined
to follow the same path even if they
would both live up to their godly
potential.
What it means for Jacob to serve God
is not what it means for Esau to serve
God.
And this is maybe one of the most
important understandings of Yiddishkeit
in terms of our way to Hashem.
What it means for you to serve God is
not what it means for me to serve God.
What for one person is a void of Hashem
is for another person almost irrelevant
or not possible.
Or completely not what Hashem wants from
them.
And what for another person is a void of
Hashem is for the other person perhaps
a cop out
or or a different path that's really not
for them.
So the key is not to try to be like
anybody else. The key is to ask myself
what does God want from me?
Where is my void of Hashem at this
moment? And the answer to that is always
very individualistic.
It's never uniform.
It can't be. Of course there are certain
commonalities that combine all of us.
There are certain moral codes that bind
all of us. But in the nuances of a
person's journeys
in the mission statement of a person's
life in our journeys through
our day-to-day experiences and
encounters,
service of Hashem for Esau looks very
different service of Hashem for Jacob.
And for one to try to replicate the
other is not only unrealistic and unwise
but ultimately a betrayal of God's plan
for you.
Because if this was his plan for you,
this is your path to him.
So let's understand this. Esau in the
womb is struggling with avoid the Zara.
Jacob in the womb is struggle is not
struggling. He's gravitating to Kadusha.
Who chose that?
Not them.
Hashem.
Hashem wanted Jacob to gravitate to
avoid the Zara.
So why we calling him a Russia? We're
not calling him a Russia Esau.
That you never call somebody a Russia
because they're gravitating to avoid the
Zara. You know why? It wasn't their
choice. It was a sham's choice.
That doesn't make a person a rush.
The struggle against evil is not evil.
The battles that I have to fight
in order to be an upstanding moral
person don't make me bad.
Just because I may have terrible
terrible thoughts, difficult thoughts,
depressing thoughts or emotions
that threaten to undermine my integrity,
that doesn't make me a bad person.
Sometimes that is what makes me
the special person I am
if I know how to deal with them.
Sometimes your path to avoid this Hashem
must lead through
difficult, strenuous and evil thoughts.
The question is not if you struggle or
not. The question is how you deal with
your struggle.
Esau's gravitation to avoid the Zohar
does not MAKE HIM A RUSSIA. IN FACT,
IT'S THE ONLY PATH TO HASHEM
that he will ever know about.
And not only is it a path,
it's a path that in some ways is far
superior
to Jacob's path,
which is why Yitzchak loves him so much
and wants to bless him, not Jacob.
To believe that Yitzchak was just a
naive
old blind man
is
symbolic of the notion that we have, not
we, some of us have,
that the more stupid,
the more holy,
the more la la land,
the more heavenly,
the more depressed, the more godly,
the more idiotic,
the more somehow it makes me feel good
about religion.
But you understand that real people
can't respect that.
And if godliness is based on myth
and uh fictional novels
and weird personalities who don't know
what hit them
and could be manipulated
by any gabbai or secretary or shamash
cuz they're so holy,
there's something off about such a
holiness.
Put it very simply,
if somebody is if holiness means some
mythical weird superman
who flies in the clouds with nine wings,
fine, that works.
But if holiness is really a description
of living with real reality, then people
who are holy are more alert,
less naive,
much more with their finger on the pulse
of reality. Are you going to compliment
God and say God is so holy doesn't know
what hit him? And everybody could
manipulate him.
What you're worshipping such a God, why
would you believe in such a God?
Why would I ask advice from somebody who
really doesn't know what hit them?
And whatever their gabbai tells them,
they believe.
You got to be a fool.
So you want to ask a question, what is a
tzaddik? The first definition of a
tzaddik is somebody who's in touch with
truth constantly.
And somebody who's in touch with truth
is not gullible
by some kid who has them wrapped around
the finger. You know your son, don't
you?
You think Yitzchak didn't know his son?
Your son doesn't manage to fool you. And
you think Yitzchak was fooled by his
son? And even if he was, why couldn't
Rivka sit down with him and say,
"Yitzchak, are you're out for lunch?"
Like you do with your husbands?
Why couldn't she enlighten him and say
to Yitzchak, you're a fine a Yid, you're
a holy Yid, but when it comes to real
life,
let me run the show.
Yitzchak, you mean well, but let's face
it, you're clueless. Esau is a rash
marasha. They never had such a
conversation.
Sarah and Avraham didn't have a
conversation about Yishmael.
And at the end, Hashem told Avraham,
listen to Sarah.
So, we grow up, Yitzchak was this naive
tzaddik.
That's a contradiction in terms. Naive
people are fine, but they're not
tzaddik.
I mean, you call them tzaddikim,
tzaddikim in terms of their righteous.
In terms of a tzaddik, of a leader of a
generation, a tzaddik, somebody who's
going to trailblaze the path for a
generation, how could you be naive?
It baffles an imagination to think that
a leader of a generation is somebody who
doesn't know anything.
It's very strange. It's very strange.
But I guess if somebody is in a cult, it
works better.
But if somebody's open, if somebody is
broad, if somebody is expansive, there's
something off about it.
There's something very off about it.
So, we really have to understand what
this means. There's an expression today,
there's different expressions today
where people often use terms that work
sociologically, but when you think about
them, they're clueless. Doesn't make
sense.
So, that's the question. Is Judaism
true, or is Judaism just here to
propagate our sociological propaganda?
So, I'm not going to answer that
question. You all Everybody has to
answer that question for themselves. But
there's a disproportionate amount of
young Jews who live in Monsey and other
places who feel most of it is
propaganda.
And I speak to them a lot, and they tell
me it's all proper There's no no one
Nobody searches for truth.
Nobody's allowed to question something
that's real, because maybe truth
contradicts it because if you do you're
a heretic. So in an environment where
every question is deemed heresy, what
happens if there's a real question? How
is a real question raised? And how do
you distinguish between a real question
and a non-legitimate question? It's a
very dangerous situation.
So therefore
here is the real deal. If Yitzchak was
just naive la-la land, he's a great guy.
We have no
Let me take my If somebody is naive,
it's wonderful.
It's a wonderful way to live. Ignorance
is bliss. But I can't
turn them into the leader of a
generation. You can't. It's not fair to
people.
A defense minister needs to know what's
happening on the front and the
commander-in-chief needs to know what's
happening on the field. I can't live in
an ivory tower with closed eyes
detached with the ability to be
manipulated by scoundrels and unethical
people who come to me and say, "How do
you give meister from salt?"
You know what I'm talking about? That's
what Rashi says. He came to Yitzchak.
"How do you give meister from salt?" And
Yitzchak is like, "Wow, Rivka, zam
nachas."
Really?
Your son wouldn't be able to fool you
with that question.
But Yitzchak was completely fooled. It's
a teller of a zach.
The truth is the whole idea is
erroneous. Yitzchak was a fool. Yitzchak
knew Esau very, very well. He knew him
better than everybody else.
The difference about Yitzchak Yitzchak
was he understood Esau's struggles.
That's what people didn't know.
Yitzchak knew Esau from inside out, not
from outside in.
And if you don't know people from inside
out, you don't know them. And if you
don't know them, you should be quiet.
You don't judge people if you don't know
them from the inside out, only from the
outside in.
You can't judge somebody. You can't have
a relationship with them.
Yitzchak understood Eisav's battles.
Yitzchak knew that in his womb HE WAS
GRAVITATING TO IDOLATRY, MEANING THE
RIBONO SHEL OLAM WANTED HE SHOULD
GRAVITATE TO AVODAH ZARAH. UNDERSTAND
WHAT THAT MEANS. SOMETIMES HASHEM PUTS A
PERSON in a situation where he wants
them TO GRAVITATE TO SOMETHING THAT IS
AGAINST HIS WILL.
So you'll say, "What's happening?" The
answer is, gravitating to something
that's against his will is not against
his will.
Succumbing to the gravitation,
surrendering to the addiction,
FALLING PREY to the impulse, that's
where sin begins.
The person who has a tendency THAT THEY
HAVE TO BATTLE, THAT DOESN'T MAKE YOU
BAD. IN FACT, IT MAY MAKE YOU FAR HOLIER
THAN ANYBODY ELSE IN THE GENERATION.
THAT is your path to God.
The Maggid of Mezeritch writes, the
Nachum of Chernobyl.
The Gemara says in Maseches
Yoma, tractate Yoma, haboleh tamei posel
lo.
Haboleh tamei posel lo.
Somebody who comes to be cleansed,
heaven helps him or her. Somebody who
comes to become tamei, you want to be
contaminated,
posel lo.
Heaven opens up doors for that person.
The first time it says they help you.
The second time it says they open up for
you. Literally, why? Cuz if you're
coming to do a mitzvah, Hashem helps
you. If you're coming to do an aveira,
doesn't help you, but he opens up the
door. You want to go, go. Here's a path.
I'm not going to help you, but you can
go.
The Maggid of Mezeritch says the exact
opposite.
When somebody comes to do a mitzvah,
they help him.
Haboleh tamei, when somebody is coming
to become tumah,
in other words, I'm being overtaken by
various challenges,
challenges of different types, and it's
coming into me and it's inviting me to
tumah, so the Gemara says, "Pois chaim
lan."
You should know, this is not a
challenge. This is your Pesach. This is
your door. This is your entrance to the
Ribono shel Olam.
This is your path. Peacefully, Shaarei
Tzedek, avoy v'omoy dakah.
Don't look at your
anxiety, toxicity,
struggles, addictions,
stuff that you deal with as evil,
as God saying, "You're a mess." No, no,
no, no. You're not.
You're very close to me, and you can
only be close to me through this.
This is your path. This is your way.
By confronting it, by subduing it, by
dealing with it, sometimes by
transforming it, but by not running away
FROM IT. ESAU COULDN'T WAKE UP IN THE
MORNING and say, "God,
I love you, and I love davening."
Wasn't an option.
Yaakov, yeah. Esau, not. You know what
Esau has when he wakes up in the
morning?
"God, I have issues with you.
I'm running to avoid this aura. That's
what I am." THAT'S IN HIM. IT'S PLANT
PLANTED IN HIM. THIS wasn't his choice.
It was in the womb of his mother. He
never chose it.
And now, he has to ask himself, "What do
I do with this?" I could do two things.
I could fall prey to it,
and I could just let it control me, or I
could put it in context, and say, "This
is how Hashem wants me to serve him."
And the results are from one extreme to
another extreme.
I don't choose my child.
I don't choose my spouse. I don't even
choose myself.
Sometimes in the same person, you could
change from hour to hour,
from day to day, from month to month,
from year to year. There are moments
that you're following Yaakov's path.
And there are moments, sometimes a few
months,
that you're given a different journey.
You put on Eisav's path.
And then you're a voida that becomes a
whole new avoida. You have to battle a
force of darkness that wants to defeat
you. Or you have to battle a temptation
that wants to defeat you. And it's very
inviting. It's very powerful.
And that's a moment that calls for your
sacrifice. Now, for another person, they
would laugh from it. This is avoida
Hashem. This is a joke. This is a
comedy. This is insignificant. It's
irrelevant. For this person,
this is where life is at. This is where
God is at. This is where truth is at.
They must own their life. And in order
to own their life, they fight for their
life.
And some people, this is almost their
exclusive path.
And when they look at themselves, they
ask themselves, "When am I going to
retire?
When will my heart just be able to chill
out and relax? When will I just be able
to be like everybody else?" You know
that question?
"When will I be able to come into a
barmitzvah and just feel like everybody
else in the room?
Why is it that when I go home,
it's never simple? For 3 days I'm
regurgitating
what this one said to me. Why can't I
just sit like a glump
for an hour and talk about an iPhone or
a shaitel?"
Or whatever exciting things there are.
"Why do I have to be the sensitive of
who picks up everybody's energy? and
then I have to deal with it for the next
3 and 1/2 months.
And then when I asked my husband, "Did
you hear what she said?" He says, "She
was there?"
Right? They could have eaten with you
Friday night for 6 hours, but he wants
to know if she was there.
Okay, it's a good sign, I guess.
Imagine Esau would could start comparing
himself to Jacob. Jacob to Esau is the
worst thing you can do to yourself.
A bully told me poison my and this is
true and almost this is true socially,
psychologically, physically,
emotionally,
spiritually, in terms of Hashem, in
terms of yourself, in terms of every one
of your children, in terms of every one
of your students, in terms of every one
of your friends. What people need is not
to be compared to other people. What
people need is to be empowered.
That wherever you are and whatever
you're dealing with,
God is opening a door for you to connect
to him through this reality of your
life.
And sometimes that reality is not rosy.
Temptation to evil is not evil.
Sometimes it's the path to holiness.
The path through which I reach my
holiness,
a bully told me is poison my is through
that temptation. How?
By confronting it.
Not by falling prey to it.
I'm not saying doing the temptation is
holy. That's not holy.
But the tendency that I have to struggle
with,
that was from Hashem.
In other words, that's my path to
Kedusha. And one of the worst thing
people do is they deride themselves.
They denigrate themselves and they
deprive themselves from the empowerment
they feel so desperately need to
overcome. Instead of lifting yourself up
and seeing the opportunity that Hashem
put in front of you to be able to fight
for truth and fight for your soul,
YOU'RE BUSY TELLING YOURSELF, "I'm such
a bad person.
I'm such a sick person. I'm such a
stupid person. I'm such a horrible
person. I'm such a klutz. I'm such a
glump. I'm such an idiot.
I'm such a shmatta. I'M SO WORTHLESS.
WHY? Look at what I have to deal with."
It's the other way around. That is your
beauty. That is your wisdom. That is
your depth. That is your splendor. Dare
I say that is what makes you godly.
Because that is the path that God put
before you.
Now, when you can understand that, you
could put it in the context of your
soul, not put your soul in the context
of your struggle. The question is not if
I struggle or not. The question is, do I
put my struggles in context of my
spiritual journey or does my spiritual
journey become defined by my struggles?
And the answer to that leads to
completely two different lives. In one,
I put the struggle in context of my
beauty, of my holiness.
And in the other, the struggle defines
me completely. In other words, there's
nothing but me but the struggle but the
negativity.
And as a result of that, Yaakov and Esau
really had two separate paths. It was
always supposed to be that way.
And both, in their own way, had that
power to grow into spiritual giants, but
Esau's spirituality would surpass
Yaakov's.
And that is why Yitzchak has a special
place in his heart for Esau. And he
wants to bless him because he knows
there's something about Esau
Esau's path that is
that is uniquely moving,
uniquely uh emotional,
Uniquely, powerful.
Because he has to fight for everything.
There's nothing
that he could say is a gift.
Everything that he will have is called
his own or her own, whoever that person
is.
And there are moments when Esau faces
the abyss.
Esau has to face the abyss.
They say that one of the Russian
politicians once said
to the people, he said, "This is the the
good sweet days of communism."
Sweet, in quotes. He said, "I have great
news for you. Yesterday, we were
standing at the edge of the abyss, and
today we took a giant step forward."
Esau stands sometimes at the edge of the
abyss. And when you look down,
you see an infinite pit that never ends.
Some people never stand there. They
don't even know what it looks like.
They don't know what the abyss looks
like.
They were always protected.
They had a mother who protected them,
sisters, brothers, grandparents, uncles,
aunts, communities. They never even got
close to the abyss,
ever.
I once read a poem of a Jewish poet.
His name is was Zvi Yo'er. That was his
pen name.
Zvi Yo'er.
And he wrote a poem about a certain
person,
about the great a great personality and
a great leader.
And in the poem, he describes what this
leader does for his people.
He said this leader stands at the edge
of the cliff.
And he sees down,
but his shoulders are so wide and broad
that he eclipses the abyss from all of
the people behind him. So, they would
never really be able to see
what he sees. And as he marches in
security and confidence knowing that
with one tilt he will fall into the
abyss. He never allows them to see that.
He allows them to feel that life is
safe.
And that their their their their path
has been trailblazed and it's clear. He
will never allow them to see
the 100 million decisions he has to make
every millisecond
in order not to fall into that space.
I thought it was a very insightful
observation.
What a leader is, what he faces, and
what some people will never even
understand the person faces because he
protects them well.
Some people grow up with that
protection.
So others don't grow up with that
protection.
There's a beautiful insight of Reb
Nachman of Breslov
in Likutei Moharan.
At the end of his life
Moshe Rabbeinu
speaks. And he says in one of the
pesukim he says three words.
U'mitachas
z'ro'ois olam.
Below the universe there are arms.
Below the world there are arms.
U'mitachas z'ro'ois olam.
So Reb Nachman says there are two types
of people.
I'll describe both of them. You could
raise your hand if one fits your
description.
He says some people
are etched
onto the planet
in a very firm way.
You know their shoes are like glued to
the earth. They're just like solid. You
can even see how they walk. You know
what I mean? They're just like attached
to the ground. They're very grounded and
they never leave the ground.
They're practical. They're like They're
just They're like normal.
They're like etched into the earth. I
can't describe it better.
And then there are people who they
always feel like they're falling off the
ball.
You know, they're always falling
emotionally. They don't have a place on
the planet.
They're always questioning their place
on the planet.
And so Moshi says me tahas royas I want.
You should know
you you're about to fall off. You should
know that you could fall off because
there are arms
under the world, under the earth that
will pick you up when you fall.
But then he adds, which is classic Reb
Nachman of Breslov,
and it's only the person who lets go
and allows themselves to fall
that they can experience the embrace of
the arms
that will lift them up as they fall.
Now, that comes from a person who
struggled.
Such an insight does not come from a
person who felt protected their whole
life.
Reb Nachman of Breslov struggled.
He struggled very deeply.
He understood this, the arms below the
world. Now, some people don't What are
you talking about? What arms? What arms?
You have to fall off the planet
to experience those arms or at least
understand what it means to fall off the
planet. Out It's not one person
Sometimes the same life you have a day
as I a day as I.
Sometimes you have this place in the
world and sometimes you have no place.
You feel like a part of you was taken.
Sometimes a person holds on to something
very dear
and then it's taken from them.
Or God wants it to be taken from them.
And the person feels like amputated.
And they have a very difficult void that
they have to deal with.
What does serving God mean for them at
that moment?
It means something very different than
what it means for somebody else,
completely different.
It's a completely different path at that
moment.
And you have to be able to cut yourself
some slack
to know
what the womb dictated for you.
This is not about romanticizing
temptation, romanticizing struggle, or
romanticizing
demons, not at all.
Some people go to that extreme.
I'm depressed, awesome. Now I could be a
victim.
No, it's the contrary.
This is about empowering a person to
understand how to grow from every
situation, never to become a victim.
Yitzchak sees this in Esau and he
cherishes him.
He cherishes him very, very deeply.
Not only does he cherish him,
he loves him. He wants to bless him.
What then
What then happens? There's a reason the
text will not denigrate Esau.
Because to say that Esau
was born a wicked child
is wrong.
It's not true.
And it's ungodly. He was not. He was
born
with terrible struggles, but not wicked.
Chazal say
Esau left the beaten track
and went his own way.
When when which day? What happened that
day?
Avraham Avinu died.
Interesting.
In other words, were the two events
disconnected?
Or maybe
in the lack of Avraham Avinu's presence
he lost that last anchor
to teach him about his struggles.
And one day Asaph wakes up wakes up in
the morning, and this is what becomes
his tragedy.
Instead of seeing his struggles,
his challenges,
his ghosts as an invitation
to intimacy with God,
he sees them
as
a license
to live a disastrous life.
Instead of seeing his demons as a very
deep spiritual calling
to reach a space that is uniquely his.
Instead of seeing, you heard that line?
Instead of seeing his demons as a
spiritual calling
to reach the space only he could reach,
he loses that perspective. He sees it
in a way that is maybe more natural, let
us say more natural, more superficial,
more easy, more comfortable. And that
is, this is who I am.
This is what I want. These are my
instincts.
How long can a person fight for?
How long do you want me to battle for a
soul that is so indivisible?
How long?
And Esau falls.
Is Esau a Russia?
Esau becomes a Russia.
But not because he gravitated in the
womb of his mother to something,
but because one day he stopped
and misinterpreted the struggle
and saw it as a license,
as an invitation to an immoral life.
That is the majesty
and the tragedy of Esau.
Which is why Yitzchak wants to bless him
after this.
Yitzchak says, I want to bring him back
to that space. I don't want to change
him, but I want to change his
perspective on how he sees his own evil.
That's what I want to change. I can't
change I can't make him Yaakov, but I
can make him Esau.
The challenge, of course, is
that Esau
went very, very, very far.
And it was impossible for him at that
moment to see himself the way Yitzchak
saw him. And yet, do you know where Esau
is buried?
Esau was beheaded and his head is buried
in the grave of Yitzchak. Now, usually
you don't bury a Russian near a tzaddik.
Thousands of years Yitzchak is with
Esau's head. And the answer, of course,
is cuz Esau's head, Esau's source,
Esau's origin, Esau's potential
is as holy as Yitzchak's. The tragedy of
Esau is that he is detached from
himself.
He is beheaded spiritually. His body is
detached from his head. He's not living
in his body. In other words, his inner,
deeper self doesn't translate into his
outer body and his outer self. There's
no integration in his life.
He does not understand that all of his
struggles are really part of godliness.
They're part of his relationship with
Hashem. They're part of his avodas
Hashem. And that's why the text will
always remain loyal
to Esau's inner story. And even after
everything, it will not allow us to
forget
that here was not a bad kid.
This was a misunderstood kid.
And misunderstood first and foremost by
himself.
Which is really the most important
thing. To expect that other people will
understand you is asking for a lot.
But if you can understand yourself,
you're pretty good off. And if there's
one more person, you're already very
lucky. And if there's two people, be
thankful. And if there's three people,
then you're already a social butterfly.
You're good to go.
But I wouldn't count on that.
But if you could understand yourself,
phew. it's about
So Asav's head is with Yitzchak and the
text will make sure to be very, very
sensitive to the other Asav. It's a tale
and not THAT THE OTHER ONE IS NOT TRUE.
BUT YOU HAVE to understand where that
truth emerges from and have the courage
and the sensitivity to trace it back to
its original space.
And that's WHY THE CHAZAL TELL THE STORY
OF ASAV WHAT HE BECAME. HE BECAME
EVERYTHING HE BECAME THAT WE KNOW.
But the text will never
take that away. And when you read the
parsha, it wants you to identify
with this story. It wants you to be able
to identify with Asav. It wants you to
be able to appreciate the journey of
this person.
And therefore
throughout her entire life, Rivka never
sits down by dinner
and says, "Yitzchak, you're clueless."
You think Rivka didn't know this?
Rivka
I'll tell you something very deep and
this is what I'm going to finish with
cuz it's very late.
Here's a very deep Torah.
At the end of everything
Rivka sends Yaakov away, right? To go
officially get a shidduch. That wasn't
the real reason. The real reason is
because
Asav wanted to kill him.
So the pasuk says I quote the pasuk, the
end of Toldos.
Vayishlach Yitzchak es Yaakov vayelech
Padena Aram. Yitzchak sends Yaakov and
he goes to Aram.
El Lavan, to Lavan, ben Besuel Ha'Arami.
The son of Besuel. Who was Besuel? Ach
Rivka. Besuel, I'm sorry, to Lavan, the
son of Besuel. Who was Lavan? The
brother of Rivka. Who is Rivka? Aim
Yaakov and Esau. The mother of Yaakov
and Esau.
Comes Rashi and says, "Aim Yaakov and
Esau, any idea ma melamdeinu?"
I cannot figure out what this teaches
us. What is bothering Rashi? This is a
very weird Rashi. Rashi is our teacher.
Imagine the teacher goes to the class
and says,
"My dear students,
any idea?" The kids would have a field
day. That means it's recess.
If you don't know, quit.
Teachers don't like saying we don't
know. I don't know how it is by the
girls, I know how it is by the men. By
the women, I know how it is by the men.
God forbid they say you don't know. Even
though most things you don't know, say
it. They'll respect you more. It's
another issue, but I'm not going to go
there at the moment.
A teacher once came to me, we were
learning the same text, and he said,
"How do you answer this question on the
text?" I said, "I don't know." He says,
"What if the students ask you?" I say,
"I say the truth. I don't know."
He says, "I can't tell that to them. I
need an answer." I said, "Why can't you
tell them you don't know? I do." He
says, "No, when you say you don't know,
they really think you know. But when I
say I don't know, they're going to
believe me."
I said, "You're living in la-la land.
You think your students don't know that
you don't know?"
They know that you don't know more than
you know that you don't know.
They hear how you speak, they know that
you don't know. You're the only one who
thinks that they think that you know.
You don't know, and they know that you
don't know. The only one who thinks you
know is that you think they think that
you think that they think you know. So,
quit.
Rashi doesn't have that problem. Rashi
was confident enough to say, "Any idea?
I'm sorry, I don't know." What's
bothering him? What's bothering him is
very simple. At the end of told us he's
telling me that Rivka was the mother of
Yaakov and Esau. It would be like in
parshas of Russia, you tell me by the
way, Moshe had a brother Aaron. Yeah,
genius. We just learned about this a
whole year. The whole told us we learned
about Yitzchak and Rivka they had twins,
Jacob and Esau and the whole story is
about Jacob and Esau and the mother take
Suddenly at the end when Yitzchak sends
away
JACOB
TO LABAN, THE BROTHER OF RIVKA, THE
MOTHER OF JACOB AND ESAU. WELCOME TO
AMERICA.
We discovered that Now she says Amy
Adair, Mama Lamdenu.
Now maybe you'll understand.
It's very deep.
When you read through partials told us
you get an impression
that Rivka was not a mother for Esau.
She was a mother for Jacob.
She took care of him.
She did not take care of Esau.
At the end of told us we say Rivka was
not only the mother of Jacob.
She was also the mother of Esau.
Why suddenly now?
Because you have Ask yourself your this
question.
She sent Jacob to her brother and he
would be there for 20 years. He would
never meet his mother again.
She is so in love with her son. Who of
you sends their son away for 20 years
knowing very likely you may never see
them again? And who do you keep in your
house?
The son that you hate, the son that you
despise, the son that you loathe, the
son that makes you meshuga, the son that
steals,
the son that makes you problems.
ESAU WANTS TO KILL JACOB? SEND ESAU
AWAY.
Esau would listen to Yitzchak find a
good excuse that they found a
unbelievable opportunity to train him
for the Olympics and for that he has to
go to Sydney for 20 years or Japan to do
Krav Maga, self-defense or Judo
or martial arts in China for 20 years
and then he'll win the tournament.
That's what you do. YOU SEND THEM AWAY.
Why did he she send Jacob away?
So the possuk says, cuz she was not only
Jacob's mother,
she was Esau's mother.
And she knew that Esau has one person in
the world who believes in him.
And that is his father.
And she will not be the person
to separate
this son from his father.
She knew Esau very well.
She knew his challenges and she knew
where he took those challenges to. She
never sat DOWN WITH HER HUSBAND AND
SAID, "He's a rotten apple."
Cuz she wanted that the relationship
between Yitzchak and Esau
should remain as romantic as it was when
Esau was a little cute baby.
Knowing the risks, knowing the
challenges, she was ready to separate
herself from Jacob, but not separate
Esau from his father. That's why here
it's "Im Yaakov Esau."
Now, I knew this. Rashi didn't know
this. So Rashi says, let me explain it
to you better.
Eini yodea ma melamdeinu.
I don't know what this teaches us.
But there's a deeper interpretation in
Rashi.
And that is
Eini yodea
ma melamdeinu.
Sometimes life teaches us to say, "I
don't know."
Sometimes life teaches us to say, "Ma."
What?
Not every journey is graspable.
Not every journey that you have to have
your brain wrapped around over.
Not everything in your child's journey
can you understand.
Melamdeinu Eini yodea ma melamdeinu.
Sometimes life teaches us to say, "I
don't know."
And sometimes life teaches me to say,
"What?"
And sometimes those lessons
are the deepest,
profoundest,
and most godly lessons
cuz they allow people to be in touch
with truth.
That's what Rashi is saying.
Any idea of Amalek they knew. At a later
generation, Mordecai would tell Esther
the same words. Who me idea?
In the Esther story she got the mouth
kiss. Why in the world the base Yaakov
graduate?
Or by Srucha by Soda, I don't know where
where Esther learned.
I mean everybody will tell me where they
where she learned.
Why she has to end up with a Persian
monarch in his bedroom
to save the Jewish people?
Mordecai says,
me idea.
Some things are not Al Pi Das.
Not everything can be
fitted in
to our boxes of what religion looks
like, what God looks like,
and what truth looks like.
Mot Sasi David Avdi, I found David and
Chazal say where?
In Sedom.
Sometimes you find
the deepest truths
in the most unexpected of places. Have a
wonderful week.
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