The Holiness of Addiction | Likkutei Torah Ki Savou #2

good morning everybody just give me a thumbs up that you could see me and hear me beautiful welcome we began monday morning this week the mimer of the baal hatanya we're going to continue now and bazer hashem tomorrow morning there'll also be a class but it's going to begin a half an hour later which means not 7 30 but 8 00 am that's new york time so if you didn't open your source streets please open your source sheets on the yeshiva.net you could see this class thursday class lakota toyota parishes and you have the sources either on top of the video on the right side or below the video you can download them the altar in the beginning of the mimer began to explore the verse in the song of songs peace my beloved one is knocking on the door open up the door for me my sister my wife my love my dove my twin and he explains it's not just open up the door for me my sister peacekeely open up the door for me inside of your heart open up create an opening so that we should be able to experience each other as achai sirayasi and asi samasi until you don't create that opening that relationship is always present but it could be concealed it can be relegated to the subconscious sellers of a person's psyche peace hilly create an opening so that this relationship in the state of akhaisi should be revealed what is achaici comes from the word connection like alexandrius and alexandria not two things that are separate but through they're not they're fused into one and this is the brother of a sibling sibling there's two separate people and they remain two separate people and they go on to build their own families and leave their home but ultimately as he says there is an innate and intrinsic bond and connection that could never be severed it could be concealed it can be revealed it can be replaced with various negative emotions but the relationship is present even if the relationship is not positive or it's completely concealed but it's still there it's innate it's part of the it's a familial connection it's part of the biological structure of a person you're part of me i'm part of you i may like it or may not like it we're part of each other as they say a brother is a brother in a way this hashem what does this mean the alternative says that every neshama is a helical kami it's a part of hashem so to speak it's a piece of hashem so even the way it comes down into the world where it becomes somewhat of a asian entity and it's enclosed in a body in an animal soul that vacus that connection is eternal you're forever ever one with god that's why the last class we titled you're forever one with god the question is how much i relate to this consciously so he says that sadiq is that jew for whom this is reality it's a life of absolute alignment alignment with his or her deepest inner self so not only his behaviors or her behaviors but their emotions experiences sensations are all a reflection of that alignment and there is a constant connection and a longing for connection and a love and a relationship that is always there in david wordsworth is middle of the night i wake up and i'm thinking about you that's a relationship that's called ms lamite there's another relationship that's called swassemas and swas means i may not always be aligned in an actively conscious way but i always have the awareness of that alignment and the ability to tune into it through work that's called swa-semas in tanya that's the distinction between the banane and the tsaddik that sadiq is fully aligned on every level with every facet of his being or her being the bananee is aligned in terms of behavior my thoughts my active thoughts and words and actions are aligned with my inner divinity with my inner divine oneness which is my truest self because it's the truest self of all existence but within my emotions and feelings and experiences the bananee may struggle and that's why the altar ever writes in tanya in chapter 14 and in other places that meet us for translation sadiq is usually translated as a righteous person and bananee is an intermediary person but in tanya that sadik is really the the ultimate person the the ideal human being who has fully transformed himself like a superman and sadiq and bananini is the possible person because sadiq is somebody who's fully aligned the alignment with the divine oneness is a constant and it's permeates every facet of his or her being the bananee is an incredible person because the better is always aligned in terms of thoughts words and actions in other words the bananee may experience anger and jealousy and frustration and animosity and a host of many other toxic or disturbing or promiscuous or immoral inclinations proclivities instincts feelings sensations experiences emotions and the baby is aware that that takes him or her away from his alignment which is always our translation from bittel but he or she can tune in to the fact that there is a space in me that is always aligned and i want to be connected to it and that's why i'm going to behave in a way that reflects it it says powerful powerful stuff that's the power of the banane then there's a russian the russian tanya is not a weak wicked person could be also be a wicked person but a weak person somebody that allows the disalignment to dominate behavior as well whether it's thoughts or words or actions but generally here he's talking about the ms la mitre model and the swasams model now we continue inside we're still in the first paragraph i hope by now you had time to open your source sheets let me just tell you where we're holding we're still in sif alef getting close to civ base so we're on page mem column 1 or 79 if you're using your source streets if you have a say for it's la cuta toi de bajar page 79 or mem column 1 and if you go stroll down the page you see this chapter base but we are a few lines before bays we are on the line that begins seducka ms which ends the brackets that's like a middle of the page page 79 column one line starts tucker we're holding the words vahasiba says the altered s now the next piece i have to tell you i once gave a shear on this and somebody was sitting there was sitting there somebody who deals a lot in the field of therapy and a dick especially addiction and recovery he's a counselor a rabbi and a counselor and uh he says that he tells me the altera tells me after the class this mimer was set tough is 1800 exactly 1800. that's 221 years ago to be per to be exact 221 years ago it's a long time he says he tells me do you think that the people who heard this at the time understood the power of these following words the way we can understand them today he says i'm not sure i said what do you mean he says you have here in a few lines some of the most fundamental truths that we know today about addiction and recovery and i was really very impressed because how he picked up in the word sometimes people learn my marion they learn siddhas and the words completely remain up they remain completely abstract so even if they're potent and they even have some emotional appeal because it's exciting and you see you feel the enthusiasm but to really apply it in a personal and internalized way to a person's daily life is the ultimate goal and objective because without that we're really missing the soul of it this was made to this was written and said to change lives not just to give another presentation and another sheet so let's see his words sh what is it that prevents this love that is always there you can't obliterate it from entering the imac the depth of nakuda's halle mamesh of the core of the human heart in the most powerful way in other words he said before that you have that saddiq who's fully aligned and therefore this love this relationship has really touched and permeated his or her essence it's not circumstantial anymore it's ms lamite it's really true it's who this person is but you have other people in different states it's amazing sometimes it's less than svasemas so the question is what is if this is real as he said in the opening of the in the beginning of chapter one that this is real as he said in the previous page that a person's longing their entire life is to be one with ainseith that the neshama because of its it's sources with the ultimate unity with the light of infinity blessed be and even the way it comes down into this world and it could be eclipsed it could be concealed nonetheless this remains who it is so the altar wants to know what's the reason what blocks what's the maine means what's the blockage what stops this ava of really entering and taking root into the core of a person's heart becoming completely one with them and that they're not they can't separate from it the answer is behold this very love listen to his words milo bashas is tucked in it's closed it's enclothed like when you put on a lever you put on a garment you're now eclipsed by the garment i'm wearing now a suit so this love has clothes it dresses itself up in something um and it becomes hidden in this garment in what the kayak is in the energy that's craving material pursuits material things me never you know which this power of craving this craving comes from another soul that we have from the biological soul nephron is the soul that gives us biological vitality it vivifies the body this is called nephesh a soul that exists within every single living creature every single living animal it's called nephesh bahamas or sometimes nefer younes the soul that gives us it gives us life vitality this soul is alive and this soul craves and this soul craves material pursuits and in that kayak is in clothes this love as he's going to explain the source of this biological soul is princes in desire it's called the skin of the snake heavy is the snake the skin of the snake it says hashem dressed up adam and have after they eat from the tree kostnes hashem created he formed kasir two nicks of leather of er of skin of an animal by albicium and he dressed them up it's not just physically that other men have got dressed up in leather beautiful leather clothings beautiful leather clothes because they felt embarrassed about not having garments as the posix says embarrasses it's also spiritually that adam and chava now were in a lavish their essence their core self which is a reflection of infinity was now enclosed in the ir this is called mishka the trivia the skin of the snake which he says usually translated as arrogance but the appropriate translation here is a sense of separateness as it says in tanya 22 that all arrogance all ego is rooted in the fact that i feel separate i think that i'm independent i'm detached from the source and therefore i have to inflate myself to give myself substance i didn't have any israel rabbi i once said he said frogs have the ability simply the biological ability that's embedded in them to inflate themselves and to appear much larger than they are elephants don't have that ability why sarah did in his inimitable style set because elephants don't need to inflate themselves their size is impressive enough their size speaks for itself but the frog is given this capacity to inflate itself because it needs to inflate itself in order to show that it's impressive it's dignified it's powerful it's dominant don't mess it we see how the peacock the peacock does it as well so he says there's two types of people there are frogs rabbi i did ruby i didn't say the students there's frogs and there's elephants there's those who have to inflate themselves they have to talk about themselves they have to show off because they feel like frogs and then there are elephants it's not what we mean when we say it's the elephant in the room but that's the concept so gasos is the bloating gases is the coarseness of ruach of the spirit which is the sense of separateness when i don't feel i'm one with infinity so i'm struggling for some form of validation some form of existence that's the core of arrogance i don't feel my holiness i don't feel that i'm a reflection of divine holiness so all these cravings to the material things he says comes from this soul which is rooted in a sense of separateness even though it's also really divine because everything is vivified by the divine energy but we're talking about in terms of its consciousness how it experiences itself and the skin of the snake so to speak covers over it hovers over and it conceals the power and the state of this love that we're talking about the love that exists in every soul for which hashem is called because of which hashem is called my sister my sibling were always connected now the but there's many different levels of many different types of levoshim in other words it's not there's one mahalik there's one one one one concealment there's many different types of levushim here what do we mean he starts explaining [Music] m you have to know who you are there's a person who's less sensitive it's a person who's more sensitive there are many layers of garments there's a garment that's dense and thick there's a garment that's very thin and very subtle for a person who's less sensitive he calls him a cotton somebody who's less spiritually aware and sensitive they can tolerate they can tolerate a thin garment they may not be able to tolerate a thick cover-up but a small cover-up they're fine but he says haggadah if somebody who has a deeper sensitivity deeper spiritual acumen this person will need to remove even the slightest cover-ups the slightest garments that come from gaza that come from that desperate need to retain my independence from divine because hazal say incited god says i can't be under the same roof like an arrogant person i can't live with ego and what is ego ego is the ultimate insecurity because what is ego ego is easing god out that's what it stands for it's basically trying to take over the narrative trying to be in control rather than allowing myself to be a conduit for oneness rather than seeing myself as an ambassador of infinity in this world i desperately try to distract myself and establish myself as a separate person and that's why all ego is rooted in the deepest form of insecurity i feel that i really don't exist and therefore i need to substitute that with a false sense of wartiness and arrogance and uh boastfulness which we call kaiva or or gaza and when somebody also suffers from terrible insecurity and fear it's the same concept it's i feel i'm a nobody what's the truth the truth is that you're an expression of the divine you are a reflection of divine infinity and that love and that connection to hashem is always always present but it's concealed in the various material cravings that i have that power to crave all those physical things conceals within itself this intense love so what's your job you don't have to invent the love but you have to remove the blockages you have to open up the lid commercial adam it's like there's a wall and you want to create a hole in the wall hamazik because the wall is separating it's not allowing you to see the person on the other side or it's not allowing the light to come in so what do you do so you have to cut inside the wall sometimes you have to break a part of the wall until an empty space is created the same is true every person who wants that this love should be etched in his heart what do we mean etched in his heart that the love should enter into the deepest core of his heart and it should permeate further and further and touch your esses touching the depth of your heart literally to the point that the person's soul longs to be fully aligned with the truth for this i have to get through all the blockages and this is the concept we talk about in tehillim and in many sources about leif nizbur a broken heart or a broken spirit this is in the 51st chapter of psalms laev nisbervenitka what does this mean some people erroneously understand it to mean that it's the concept of breaking your heart you have to break somebody's heart so how do you break somebody's heart how do you break somebody's heart so sometimes people think it means you denigrate yourself you denigrate somebody else you put yourself down i'm going to break you i'm going to break you to pieces what altered is teaching us here is no lav nisber means sometimes my heart is blocking the light the light is not coming in so i have to create a crack or many cracks in order to allow the light to come in that's the lavender a person has an incredible incredible spiritual a person has an incredible relationship with the divine that's a profoundest spiritual connection that's that's possible but it's blocked it's blocked by many garments by many by sackcloth sometimes that completely eclipse it so i have to get get rid of those blockages and get to that space in me is this power of craving to physical things is rooted in this desire to be separate and in the belief that i am separate rakhyosan may love liber the majority says god says open up for me an opening that is the size of the is the point of the needle that's all i want open up a door open up an opening like the point of a needle vani and i'll respond and open up for you an opening that's large as the door of the ulam which was the corridor the foyer before entering into the vehicle and to entering into the inner sanctuary of the base of maintenance the gemara says that somebody and comes to be cleansed they help him what does it mean they help him call to help him remove all the layers of hordiness and separateness allah says and to elevate him higher and higher till the great heights by hide through this this love will shine in the core of the jewish heart until the very essence of the soul becomes fully subsumed in the infinity just like a flame that ultimately you're kindling and then it rises on its own the soul becomes a shall have subsumed and consumed and completely connected to the divine source to the divine light va'ara is batalas and the earthiness becomes subsumed and this is what we mean by the state of by the level of um and from here you could come to the next stage which is rayasi which is chapter two of the mimer first is my sister then comes rayasi but this till now is the discussion of acce what's the alternate telling us here the word somebody else the word ara is batolus is an expression in zoya means the earth the earth is bottle like a schmitta we say the earth is aries batalas the earth is like nullified in the sense the earth ceases to function it's not it's not being worked and being planted but spiritually it means that the out of the earthiness of a person experiences bitter experiences oneness alignment what is dalton eva teaching us here so to put it in simple words at least one application there's many ways you can apply this but just to put it in to apply it in one very simple and very relevant way and here i come to the world of addiction because over here we see it in the most blatant sense an addict and as we'll soon see everybody of us suffers from this because addiction is a universal plight that begins with birth but i'll explain what i'm saying in a moment is a person is drawn to many different things which basically the altareb is saying are distractions i'm trying to numb my pain i'm trying to fill my void there's a void here and why is there a void the void because what i'm really seeking is spiritual connection what i'm really seeking is genuine relationships it's so hard for a person to understand this until he understands it because no i'm looking for the next battle i'm looking for the next website i'm looking for the next club i'm looking for the next relationship i'm looking for the next casino i'm looking for the next cookie i'm looking for the next dollar whatever the addiction is that's what i'm looking for no what you're really looking for is you're looking for a very deep spiritual connection or to put it in real sharp words you're looking to cease to be you want to escape your gases which is self-consciousness you want to go away from your self-consciousness you want to stop feeling yourself it's too painful in other words you're really looking to go back to who you are who are you you're a khelik you're a part of the whole you want to be part of the whole that's who you want to be you're looking for connection that's what you're looking for you're looking for connection your whole life you're looking for connection you're looking for attachment today they call it the attachment theory the attachment theory i'll exit this is the ultimate attachment theory the world is based on attachment it's based on connection that's what you're looking for that's what i'm looking for i'm not aware of how deeply i'm looking for it i may not even be aware that this exists inside of me or i may don't i may not feel i'm capable of this so in the meantime i'm running away to all types of things that could give me temporary comfort it comes down to that and says when you're running to all those things deep down inside the craving to your addictions is what is the avatalicus is a spiritual longing you're harnessing it the wrong way you're directing it and channeling it in things that are not going to help you but deep down in this longing this longing these cravings these addictions these things you mushuga about and you don't stop thinking about they're really only a garment they're the facade they're a cover-up you know what's inside of them inside of them is your inside your infinity your spirituality your spiritual longing to be part of ain't safe because that's who you are that's what your divine soul is yeah the animal soul the biological soul is not so aware naturally of this and it wants to live it wants to be comfortable so what's the language the languages whatever is easily accessible whatever's gonna make me feel good right now right right right here right now in a microwave they call it microwave generation i want it hot and i want it fast and of course tomorrow i need more because the void is still there but because i'm not really looking for it it's just representing to me something that's going to give me a temporary fix and a temporary high therefore it's never enough because it's not it it's not what i'm looking for it's only a cover-up it's a facade for a much deeper yearning for much deeper aspiration that's what i need so what's the genesis of recovery when a person realizes you're never going to get rid of your spiritual sensitivities you can drink as much as you want you can gamble as much as you want you can go as many websites as you want you can binge as much as you want you can go visit promiscuous places as much as you want you can knock yourself out day in and day out and live the most uninhibited crazy insane life following and fulfilling every instinct so with garnished health and it's not gonna help it's not what you're looking for you're looking for god you're looking for yourself you're searching for your core essence you're searching for your infinity you're a helicopter that's what you need and you never nothing that you do is ever going to take you away from that space because that's who you are i can't be who i am not i can make believe i am or i'm not but it's not going to last it's going to come to haunt me ultimately so my choice is not whether to get rid of my spiritual sensitivity or not that's not a choice my choice is only if i'm going to eclipse my spiritual sensitivity and dress it up and keep it trapped in many different types of distractions that i will pursue just to fill the void temporarily as addicts sometimes say i'll do anything but get me out of myself get me out of my self-consciousness get me out of my gaza you're looking to get out of your gaza you're looking to get out of your self-consciousness now here we come to the next step the altered says if you're more spiritually sensitive it becomes harder because even the smallest levership drive you crazy somebody who's not so sensitive he may be able to tolerate some cover-ups but somebody who's more spiritual sensitive spiritually sensitive they me they need the oneness in a much more profound way they need the transparency in a much more profound way they need the honesty in a much more acute way they can't tolerate any lies any deception any hypocrisy any falsehood any alienation any sense of self that's separate even a leveraged doc and if you're really spiritually sensitive even the smallest tiniest devotion drive you crazy and you see this today that the people who can't tolerate even the smallest cover-ups and therefore go to the furthest and mess themselves up and destroy themselves it's all coming because they have a deeper sensitivity not a smaller sensitivity and this sensitivity is not necessarily coming from a major trauma that happened in their life that can happen as well but sometimes it's just existence existence itself is traumatizing because existence itself is based on that symptom which means it's based on a void which means it's based on separateness it's based on the perception of separateness islam comes the word hellum concealment so facing life itself is difficult because you're facing a void you're facing a sense of separateness and you're traumatized by it every soul that comes down into this world experiences trauma we speak about dealing with trauma dealing with trauma is not just a person who is traumatized because of horrible events that happen to them in their life abuse or dysfunction families verbal emotional sexual etc of course that too there's also trauma that's accumulative over years it's not like an identifiable case somebody traumatized you hit a bat over your head sometimes it's just a trauma of how you developed within a certain home or a certain environment sometimes trauma has to do with your genes epigenetics and it's passed on from other generations and sometimes the trauma comes from existence itself they speak today about birth trauma right just that passage through that canal could be very traumatizing for a fetus and according to siddhis and kabbalah that's what birth is birth is you talk about going through the canal what about the soul going through the canal the birth canal you know what type of symptom that is for the soul and the sense so somebody who's not so sensitive their soul is not so sensitive okay they become comfortable in this world but somebody who's more sensitive facing separateness is traumatizing just the differentiation of the whole is the greatest crisis of existence and what's the point of life to confront that and to bring light into that space and to say that despite everything we can be whole the altered has an incredible touch in many my mario who is like your nation israel one nation on earth so literally we say so literally it's translated who's like your nation that's unique stands apart on earth we live on earth but we stand apart it comes down and says no this is an explanation not just a description describes our uniqueness this is a gambin the uniqueness of of bina israel of the jew is that bar is that even in eretz he or she holds on to the echad that even in eretz and artsy you don't never separate from the yacht the bhava trevor once shared a story that he heard from his father-in-law that there was a hostage of the ballad of the alt-right used to darwin and every day he darvened for many hours and this was every day of the seven days of the week and people were surprised because he was an ish pasha he was an upset great muscular great scholar uh brilliant makubal or hasid profound evident he was an ish pashat he was a simple person a god-fearing simple person so like what is he thinking during darwin they didn't understand so somebody once asked so he said that 40 years ago he heard of art from the altar ever the although said he's speaking which is the variation of the ten commandments of parishioners hashem said it in one ordinance says the altar zach had them in every word that comes out of your mouth and also from the word davar in everything in life you should remember and you should protect the echad of it every word that comes out of your mouth and everything in the world you should remember and you should protect you should safeguard the echo that's inside of it the oneness in it and in you and this husset said this is i heard from the rabbit from the altar from the balatanya 40 years ago and this was enough for me them that ever said like this untick montague didn't stick me down and with this he darwin for 40 years sunday monday tuesday wednesday thursday friday shoppers there's avoid from the rebel yachts the previous laboratory said he passed away 1950. he said amalek and multiply it into two so from one they made two and from the ich from the ego from and the ego they turned into a half an ego meaning they humbled the ego they took of art and from one they made two and from the ich from the sense of egotism and the eye and they cut it in half the one vart they increased and multiplied into two and the ego they cut into half because the truth is it's all one word you just have to get get it you have to get the echad you know today we're used to russia's midrash's mid-landed russians with more and more and more and more somebody said that today people are reading more and more about less and less but a mulligan system they didn't have to read more and more about less and less ain't vart one vard all you need is the echad you need the one of art but if you get the echad that's enough so it's means the nation that even in eretz they hold on to the echad they never get rid of that so we're searching for that we're searching for the oneness and if i can't find it or i don't know that i'm searching for it or i don't believe that i can find it i must emancipate myself from that nagging pain of self-consciousness somebody once said what's the definition of consciousness it's the annoying time between naps i'll go to sleep but get me out of myself and in that sense we all suffer from addiction the question is only to what extents to what extent and to what acuteness because every one of us since we have we're dressed with those cosmos oil we are self-conscious we have gasses but god says i can't live with you in that space because i am oneness and you are oneness so with a sense of arrogance and insecurity we can't be together but somebody who's more sensitive even the slightest self-consciousness drives them crazy and therefore they must run away to get distracted they need validation they need respect they need honor from other people they're trying to fill that void that was never filled they need to feel good they need to feel good and the deeper the spirituality the more i need and the more dramatic i get and the more creative and powerful and crazy and meshuggah and insane i get to fill that whatever it is with a drug with a drink with this false relationship whatever it is and the drugs and the substances have to get higher and higher and higher all because i need to silence my spiritual connection so the choice the alternative is saying is not to get rid of your spiritual connection that is who you are the choice is either you're going to recognize it and embrace it or you'll keep on running away from it and never really satisfying what you're looking for because remember that's the key this ava of ainslief it's inside all of your cravings all of your physical cravings if you go deeper what you're looking for is not the physical thing you're looking for the ancient scythe the way your animal salt translates the infinite love is i'm looking for this type of drug i'm looking for this type of high i'm looking for this type of distraction that's how he translates it because the animal soul comes from the skin of the of the of the of the snake and it has to be educated it has to be refined it has to be aligned that's your work your work is to teach your animal soul what it's really looking for not to get distracted by the facade what it's really looking for is the ultimate truth of itself and of the world and of yourself oneness because we're achieving we're a brother and sister we're supposed to be connected i am divine we are one we are connected and because i'm supposed to be connected so therefore this is my real state this is my natural existence this is my innate organic being but the choice could be completely covered up and alter ebb is saying it when it's covered up the only way you can access it is if you create openings i have to open up to get rid of the blockages all blockages and again the deeper i am the more these blockages will drive me crazy and even the smallest blockages will make me meshuga and that's what the lay of nishbar means the humility it's creating cracks in my ego cracks in my in my my false life it opens up it opens up channels so that the inner light that has been blocked should suddenly be able to emerge and fill my space fill my consciousness until the point where the person could really live it and breathe it and experience it and in every word that comes out of your mouth and in everything that you're engaged in you always find let's take some questions this finishes chapter one tomorrow morning we're gonna continue with chapter two i wanna suggest i'm gonna take questions now but i wanna suggest that you should learn peyric bays they call it a yeshiva alayna try to prepare it on your own it's very very deep and much of it deals with agriculture the system of agriculture how things grow the synthesis between ear light and the seed and the earth and what it means spiritually so it's going to go over to a whole different subject and we're going to do that tomorrow again we're beginning tomorrow at eight not 7 30. okay let me also announce today one o'clock we have our class in taiwan a new class this is class number two it's a ten minute class one o'clock to 110 bleen ender approximately 10 minutes and we're actually going to begin the book inside the text today that's rabbi marsha cordovero's classic book of ethics he was born 1522 he passed away 1570 of gimbal thomas buried in smash one of the greatest kabbalists in jewish history and this is called the palm of the vira and we're going to be uh learning it today at one um tomorrow morning we have a class at 8. sunday sunday morning we have a class we're going to continue the rambam's view what is mashiach part two that sunday morning right here on the yeshiva.net everybody is invited and you could find it all you can find the schedule on the yeshiva.net with source cheats does this is going to be sunday morning continuing what is mashiach part two the rambam's view we started last week all the questions in rambam and this week we're going to try to get to some answers and explanations based on hashem next monday morning we will of course continue this this mimer okay let me start with uh let me start with the chats let's start with the chats how come first question how come for some people that don't feel the love it's expressed as hordiness and others it's expressed as low self-esteem that's a beautiful question excellent question it depends how low your self-esteem is if your self-esteem is low so then you feel a low self-esteem if your self-esteem is really low then it becomes expressed in arrogance and haughtiness it's just a worse case of low self-esteem in other words my self-esteem is so bad that i can't even recognize that i have a low self-esteem so i become arrogant and haughty it also comes with a little extra stupidity um but it's really at the core at the core it says in tanya pedrichof bays that the gemara says in saita that gasa saruwaha is like avoided that arrogance is like idolatry why why the answer is what does arrogance really mean arrogance really means that i'm saying that i'm outside of hashem i'm separate. i'm not a channel for infinity you know the gaza sarua is the worst insult you can give yourself and that's available it means you're saying there's something outside of hashem i and it doesn't feel good either because it's not true it's it's a fake existence it's the frog inflating itself it's a fake existence you don't exist outside of hashem the moment you can recognize that you're free and you're infinite and you're really great you're really great it's a whole different level somebody i see is sitting here and thinking why didn't i learn this mimer 25 years ago right next question sometimes it's inter generational trauma absolutely today especially there's a lot of research and studies being done on this that the trauma that i carry is not even for myself it could also be from me but it could be mamish intergenerational and in epigenetics they teach today that it affects the genes and it gets passed on and that's why whatever we don't deal with our children have to deal with so it's so important to confront all these things because somebody's gonna have to deal with it okay next question are you saying that addiction is really a substitute for the yearning for hashem is that real does that mean that somebody who is really connected will not develop addictions let's say to alcohol or to cigarettes maybe this is why 12-step programs for addicts could be replaced that's why the 12-step program for addicts needs to have a very deep spiritual component yeah it's exactly what we're saying what we're saying is what this mimer is saying is he says it clearly he says that this ahava is malubush it's closed up and it's concealed yeah what are his words of mysterious avaladvarium this ava didn't disappear this ah that that sadaka's experiences exists in you it's just concealed it's dressed up it's eclipsed by what by all types of cravings but if you go deeper into those cravings those cravings are just cravings to things that will not satisfy you because what you're really looking for you don't even know you're looking for so you're running here you're running there you're running everywhere but you keep on running away from yourself that's exactly the point next question the mimer describes the possible person but also describes the actual person the way i understand it is there is who i am and is who i could be but the bottom line is that god created me the way i am he's hidden but he's not hidden entirely if i seek him maybe i can find him but if i don't seek him he remains invisible isn't that the story of atheists god is the one who set this up he is the one who made himself so difficult to obtain even for the serious seeker we all struggle with this at least many of us our true potential self that you talk about is extremely hidden maybe it's findable and attainable but it's very hidden if you're a serious seeker and you utilize all your possible powers like abraham who was the prototype seeker perhaps you can find it so it seems that to find god in the world and to find god in yourself is not easy and he did not make it easy did it make it obvious that's why it's so difficult to find but it's very difficult is it even doable wow that's i think that's so important to understand what you're writing is very important to understand because it's basically understanding that there is a concealment that there is something that i have to deal with so i shouldn't get deterred and distracted and overwhelmed and saddened by the fact that there are struggles because that is all part of the plan so you don't have to get upset you don't have to run away you don't have to you don't have to dismiss yourself because of it it doesn't mean you're a failure that's why it's so important to understand this because if you start thinking that you're a failure you're just not capable and you have no connection then you're really undermining yourself and your purpose it's realizing that all of the cover-ups are just there in order to reveal what they truly are looking for and what they're really about and when you do it and you break it through you break it through it becomes obvious the moment the addict and every type of addict breaks through it becomes obvious that this is the truth until we come to a deeper place and that's what where history is is going now where we realize that there's no real concealment that every concealment is just there to make you aware to to help you flex your muscles to make you a little deeper to make you realize what you have to work on and what your mission is so the lavush could become something that blocks you but really it's all there just to really help you strengthen yourself and figure out what your purpose is what your mission is what your work is and what the unique contribution of your soul is so on a deeper level that's how we really have to look at it i wish you all somebody wants to say something you're not muted okay i wish you all a beautiful and inspiring and amazing day see you one o'clock for time advair a 10-minute lunch break and then tomorrow morning tomorrow morning we're going to continue the mimer 8 o'clock p.m eight a i'm not eight o'clock p.m that's uh that's uh that's afterlifts and then eight o'clock a.m eight o'clock am tomorrow morning have a beautiful day i love you all oh tuesday tuesday we had a very intense class with women women's class it was entitled where was god in me run it went for a very long time because it was more than an hour of questions quite interesting conversations and some very heart-wrenching questions yesterday we did a session with the south african community called faith in a time of crisis also with a lot of questions you could watch them both on the yeshiva.net and people had some very interesting things to say obviously heart-wrenching it's a difficult week for the jewish people and we all got to be here for each other but i just i did want to share that with you because i think many of you will find it meaningful take more questions okay take another question we live in a complex maze there's a way out a way to find the answer but it's not easy it's a maze i want to disagree with you a little bit it could be a complex maze but i think when you learn learn you immerse yourself in it it's not a maze anymore it could be a complex maze but that's our own doing we have to realize it's not a maze it's clear okay bye bye everybody regards to yerushalayim i can't i can't uh type the type the question fast enough to get it on but i do have a question yeah yeah yeah um is it saudi i know we've discussed this before it's a question a lot of people have asked before is it saudi born or is it saudi developed through upbringing um you know you see um sometimes uh like with with the lavish reviews over the generations seems like every one of them was uh saudi um so it seems like it must have something to do with the upbringing it's a great great question i think i think at least in many cases in most cases it's really a combination of uh nation nature and nurture and what i mean by that is you're born with the capability of being atsodic but you really have to put in so much work it's not like you know you snap your finger amat sadiq it says about moisha rabena when he was born the home was filled with light but he had to develop himself he had to be a worked out person so that sadik doesn't get you know a free pass that he has no yet sahara no struggles that sadik is born with maybe unique skills unique potentials unique spiritual potentials but no question that if he or she doesn't put in the work and the discipline to maximize it to actualize it to develop it to refine it it may all remain dormant and latent you know and that's why we see that there were some great people who had the potential to be great sadika but they went to the other extreme because potential is not enough i got to put in the work cause i'll that he was considered one of the greatest giants of the generation all the tamid relative to him were like the grass in the field that's what the mario says in sanhedrin 103. like the grass of the field you've haven't been a vat and then he became like the most one of the most heinous sinners in the history of the jewish people and the gemara says what happened and the answer is was gasa his arrogance his arrogance schlepped him into the abyss so as it says in tanya we are certain people are born with the potentiality to beat sadiq it's a special kayak it's the special faculties that you're given but they still must put in a lot of work and of course growing up in a certain type of home with certain types of fathers and mothers and carrying certain genes contributes a tremendous amount to that um but it's not necessary always if ramavinu's father was no role model yitzhakovino's father was a role model but of ramavina's father was no role model he was a self-made man a self-made man you know yaakov aveeno had a good role model but not everybody has such role models there was a great hasidic master of stralisk of trilis kind of the seraph and he once said he once said ah he said you would never imagine how much my avadas hashem would have been easier if my father would have gone to the mikvah once in his life imagine it would have made my avoidance hashem so much easier if my father would have gone to the maker once in his life it's such a powerful idea like it says in tanya chapter two from nareza that the thoughts of parents during intimacy affects the garments of the soul of the child the soul itself nobody can affect hashem decides what type of soul you have but the garments of the soul that's determined by the parents their own genetic makeup their own physiological and spiritual makeup the garments of the soul and their thoughts during intimacy and generally affect it sora udi said if my father would have gone to the mikvah once it would have made my way to hashem easier but he didn't become a victim he didn't say okay since my father didn't go to the mikva therefore no i have to reinvent myself but he was expressing how powerful it is but my father didn't go okay it's not a free pass work it out this is your mission it's a beautiful story very deep story it tells us both things it tells us on one hand how we impact our children but it also tells us that a a child at some point stops blaming their parents you got to stop blaming your parents because if everything i'm dealing with is my father's fault and my mother's fault at some point it's not their problem anymore it's my problem i'm the one who's paralyzed so the booty was saying i have to take responsibility my father didn't go to the mikvah yeah it made it harder but i now have to take responsibility people who blame their parents for the rest of their lives or blame their teachers or blame this one or that one you may be theoretically right but now it's not your parents problem anymore now it's your problem now you're the problem because you made their problem your problem and as an adult you can liberate yourself you can take responsibility but i should say that tanya says that even somebody who wasn't born that way through a lot of avoid they can often reach that it's very it's very deep because i have a particular individual who affected me a lot i would say negatively when i was a child and i thought i had worked it out pretty good and then a couple weeks ago i had a nightmare about this particular person and i realized that it's still inside me you know in a very deep way wow yeah in 1991 there was a fabrega and i remember the love of trevor said that indeed during these times after everything we have been through all of the darkest times and all the challenges and struggles he said every jew is capable of being at sadiq every jew it's beautiful every jew is capable of being with someone okay beautiful day