The Brachos Said During The Chupah - Rav Yakov Zev Smith

like to welcome everyone back to another to announce that today she is dedicated in honor of ton also sporing at 718 851 8651 email.com Smith welcome back today we have we're in the season I wanted to talk about one part of the the which as we'll see we learn a lot the more we learn the more we see that how much there is to know and basically what what really prompted me to this sugya someone told me that he was taking of his child and someone told him they tell to have a mind to be with the and he said I never heard of this it must be when I got married I didn't do this makes because why does it have to do so I want I looked into the Su of as we'll see and we'll see that there a lot that we could learn now we should know this that there really two sets of set under the the first first is the and then the makes and that's called bis because in in the olden days the AIS was a few months before the N then there's a second and what's called calls which is the stand that is said by every night of the today we will focus on the we'll talk about in a different occasion but the question is very simple to clarify many other as we'll see about the I want to just pose a simple question as is to find one and gives Clarity to the whole we have two main categories of bras that we make we make a before you eat mat and then we also have a that we say a group of them every single morning and many other question is simple what category does in other words what type of is that particular in other words let me be more clear the Goen that says and I stress the word but the question is now you have to realize that AIS has was consider Nation correct that you're not make even is not a AIS the Aris was a Mitzvah of getting married so the question is what is the identity of this so the EM now it's is a says clearly even though learns it from the it's only okay so we feel comfortable that and based on [Applause] a learn from that but we still have our main question what is the status what is the identity of so the truth is it doesn't seem to be a we start with that and we conclude so maybe the fact that is a would indicate that it's not on this why and says why do we have a Rashi explained that is we'll soon see how the lends itself to that concept the main con is so just like the Mitzvah of Friday night is and therefore you have to have to include all of K shabas so too it's possible that why the length of it why the similar toes K is one and the same so we have a stickle of a lead that it could be do we have any more indication so let's look at the the begins that sounds like but then again the rest of the seems to imply that it's not a first of all we don't make what is usually stresses the positive not not take we don't make a taking off also the on the of getting married but why you stressing also the Mitzvah is not K per se the Mitzvah is proved we're having children and indeed the people ask why make and then he asked where do we find the is what's also to us he asked a question why do you mention AR and why do we speak about the it can't be a the MIT takes place much later and then the Russ is really very tactical about it you could have a child with a PES with there's no Kad a person gets married knowing he can't have children we still make on the so the rash seems to be very convinced that it's not a regular the can be can be done without a wife read so the r seems convinced it's and everything makes sense even is not it's the fact that made the marriage which you look in a world that weaks from depravity how much prees there is and yet the Y marriage is the symbol the sem of and this is the opinion of the ran the and the a powerful and now we understand the length of the bra the content of the you know what it's like I give you a good parallel the mo makes the and the father makes the what what kind of is the father making not it's now I must mention the first of all from the r is clear who made the because he's doing the Mitzvah and therefore the ra says first make the and then make the now this is a beautiful both and the B is clearly of the opin of and we soon see even more that in in in the TR he writes the is we satisfy both needs so we make but it's also and you look at the in he gives more meaning to because originally we can't marry who we want to get married now we are showing that we're better than that we make a we thank for we thank AEM that we're restricted and we're notet we're not complaining we are thanking hem that we start our marriage with kadha and of course we all know that the of is K so that gives more meaning to the we are happy that we have to take who we're supposed to take and that starts the home because so now we have a better understanding of the it's primarily but there's also a an illusion to a so first of all it should be understood that if someone has a suff whatever suff might be but he has a suff if he made should he repeat the we might have thought based on but since the can say it's only we treat suff like consider the next question that's much more challenging that it sounds who makes this the so the is until today you wonder what do you mean doing the let him make the what do you want for me based on the above we can say the following so who's making the who's doing the mitzvah aome let him but even if it's but who is the one that's experiencing this beauty beautiful K it's now I do know when it comes to this I can make a for someone else I can make K else but if he can do it himself then do it himself and the emphasis that's why the Min was that the made the of course the is part of the made a and made let me add a little more that's inappropriate ifes it he can't make because so you can't give yourself but say but and that's why it's very that I mentioned make do let make on ra that rather why change he says let someone else do it but I think what more cuz not everybody was so learned those days you have a that can't make the it's not it's not nice especially on his big day that's the question so why don't we say the should make all the why he's very practical he says when he's making a for son he's already married a while and his wife knows what he is and also she's not there problem but here she's getting married him and now his first debut his first appearance so that's not good for not good for so very practical it's not a good idea that the should to make it if he can't so therefore cross the board we have a minut the never makes it and this is very be familiar to really the one that gets the Aliyah should Lane why do we have a a standard now the Min is recorded in the either the or the Sham now this is interesting it wasn't the KE in those days it was a but today became a very great key it reminds me of theba that also was the Sham you know like the he makes he makes the makes the today it became the the number one keyboard no things change I guess the whole the whole concept of cover is irrational so it's allowed to be more rational but anyhow this leads us to the next very important question again to every and that is does and or have to have a mind to be again they they have to listen to because they're being but the question is do they have to listen to the so until today you would say what do you mean it's it's leave me alone what do we want from the now we realize the is really the job for some reason change and does it but has to listen in fact he has to use the the the mechanics of the is saying at least listen and the has to have a mind to be this is a regular that's certainly so but even if it's it makes sense to say who is the one that is to express and that's why I saw many that and therefore we have to use many will tell the with both and please listen and be he says tells now the as we'll soon see in says tell the and to that's as we'll soon see but no doubt about it it's it's this person told me he never heard of this thing he got married himself he married children he never heard that see is basic don't forget if the space is out and for nobody so now I did see the he holds that the is not on the per se it's on all those invited to the so it could be if the didn't listen but at least listen it justifies the but again that's most is on the but it's sad that people get married they spend so much for the and so much time and effort at least know what to do him the father should tell the listen it's your he's looking for you listen from the beginning till the end now this is why it's important to get to know what you're doing now the point I should mention also it's important for and to answer to both besides the of saying to every we hear twice and he says if I make a just for you let's say someone comes to my house he can't drink wine and he wants you to make KES for him they KES with just Ain so I can make KES for him I can make for him even when you're making a just someone else the is otherwise there's no connection I'm not saying all agree but when I'm making so in this case is making two and the so certainly they should be careful to make say after the said of course we'll soon see they shouldn't say they with the but definitely say to the another Point that's that's interesting to mention is quoted as this minute when he would be for he would say the with because it's for the that was his typical you know heart his typical sensitivity I'm making it for him let me make it user friendly for him okay I'm not saying all agree let's say you have what's the proc so the is for us if we're assuming is making only for the and the can hear imagine someone comes to the house make K me but I have problem he he he's deaf you can't make you right should not make the who should make the himself go back to because you can't make it for now who declares let's say that theum is not a maybe you make but then again not there on the seems to be convinced you could make it even for and that's and they rely on the fact that it's includes everybody it doesn't not that you have to make a it's a said on the on the occasion and they are comfortable to say on go on as regular make the for the but at least it's beautiful to hear that every is but I know hopefully should not be but from this little tidbit of information we learned four things first of all is saying it's for the it's not he's saying it for can say when needed if he's a and also the importance of two parts of and and according to and is so important that the that could say it for just because of so you see everything has to be properly next question when is the said so this is a perfect if we assume so the CL is [Applause] every that if you missed it you lost says for some reason they forgot to make the before the AIS and now you made itesh Le you can no longer make writes however for us we could understand why many P wrote that the minut was to First make the and then make quoting the rush our rush because might make the and will get cold feet I know let's change my mind and those that got married quite early a young age maybe they weren't so you know stable but anyhow there was a real concern that he Woulda he says interesting point that if if you m if you mades a in a to make the BR afterwards you go bu of the Min of the of of the madesh because he's doing the Mitzvah and he is the one that decides how to do things so if the city where you make K first and then make that's the let them do it they he as well the next question I hope is nevera but it brings out a very very important Point let's say there's no minion I mean Co rather many bris without a minion but I think usually a minion but let's say there was a CO height of Co there's no minion that's it what do we do what do we change because no minion so this is cannot be said without a minion that's POS the question is does the same apply to so we reason it's not true there a big was said for a minion why you need a minion and we make without a minion and quoting the rush in the end but what's more convincing the point out this says that comes to the second set of if there's no minion it's not said period butas Arison could be said if there's no minion so again hopefully should but if for some reason there's no minion by a it's going to be a very interesting you'll make like regular and you won't say this is using a microphone we'll get next question who the with his keyboard Who quote owns the keyboard I'll give you three choices the side K side or the himself so until today the truth is there was a Min an established Min that the kalai chose and it's very logical because where was the held city of the Kal now in olden times there was a city with the he was the the main you know decider of all so what kind of comes with and you push the the side so it made sense that if there was a who literally ran the city he was accorded the of today every city has many Rabon this no longer applies so now we it seems that theic change and give it to the side and it makes a lot of sense really his it's his he's getting a let him choose his if if a person goes to a that an active maybe should def nect because wants his and the wants his rash it that the the actual learn a lot about this as well so we know regarding the but the here we could say it's sort of a little bit regarding that's a very like people do it to have a when it comes to the ra says if you have a you have to use a and it seems that there is a difference need to and is optional suggested but the so this is another big which is probably unprecedented in we said is a a now the minic by most is they don't drink the wine so why should they make a g and not drink you can make a someone else that's only if the person can make they make themselves says it bothered me very much why is the accepted that makes the Gin let the and make their own gin there's an earli Source in the but it seems that it's somewhat based on what he said till now because really why you making a gin now because you want to give to you're not drinking because you're thirsty actually I say much stronger than that the fast the whole day one of the main reasons is he shouldn't come to the drunk and say ah last night I got married I didn't mean it that was just under the influence of Al so the whole day he F not to drink wine and now P to get a of wine what's going on here the ter I saw many other say this as well we look at the not as a regular it's a it's part of it's looked at as part of theis ah once it's considered a maybe we'll say the regular I can make a for you I can make for you as well in other words puts it bluntly it becomes a says makes but be that as it may it's important for the m to take the time and patience and explain to the I'm going to make two please listen a gin I'm making just for you I am not drinking please listen say don't say and when I give you the don't do like you do every shabas by Kid you make your own gin the last minute they they just go into you know autopilot and just make the Gin let me be to you don't make your own gin again I'm being to you please listen closely and say amain that's the preferred way of doing things and hope that everything runs as planned don't forget if the and decide to make their own then the is left with a we mentioned that the typically does not drink from the wine that was and is the is some have a that they don't want to rely on the doing what's right there maybe a little you know occupy other things and they P forget whatever it is so they try somehow to get some of the wine from their fingers into their mouth now of course it's terribly inappropriate for to start licking his fingers I'll make a great picture don't get don't get me wrong but it's not appropriate so they try to like very cleverly stroke the beard somehow get the finger into the mouth this Min is attributed to he says he heard from he was the D brisk that that was he did it in a way that it was not noticeable very discreetly but he writes I have a problem because when I told the bris how much I I appreciate his father's Min he told me he never saw his father doing this so I don't know if he did it so discreetly even brub didn't know but but it seems that this in the recorded said that that was not P they actually drank from the most prefer not to drink from a you can't drink M and give to someone else to drink but for I guess it has a but typically it's not nice to drink give another so that's why they do this when he finished he would ask for a chair sit down and drink a and make and then he gave to the what's noteworthy is the he says why Tak don't typically a drink by the he says since it was held the sell Outdoors it's a for to drink Outdoors therefore couldn't drink he could he said I if you're considering it Outdoors isn't it isn't it a bizar to make Outdoors but the answer if you look at the is it's not outdoors in the street it's in so it's inappropriate regarding drinking but not making but meaning of some but I must unhappy with this new he says he said that have to he can show is listen to this innovator that's changing minel so I could just say those that have the Min to lick that's your do it that's starting off and is afraid how can I not drink don't worry that's the beautiful all had a not to even drink even to lick a finger at all so either has I did see in a beautiful say I let's say the notice the is not I mean he's wearing whatever but not really won't a few points regarding the actual I said should not say those that are also try to say a and important how much do the have to drink so typically either or minim but now is not time to drink wine like I told you earlier you're fasting not to be a sh the reason why we have to drink this K is out for that's not drunk so to take away the there's no even of a just a Mas is enough the minig used to be be that the the would not give the kala after he drank the K he would not give the kala the K after Arison because they weren't yet married but after that they were fully married he could give the K to the kala but it has been discontinued and that would be highlighting that concern the incidentally in says a cloud when you have a that's not there's no more than a and that's why all say there's no to have even just is enough now the last group of questions I found absolutely fascinating I love to share with you intriguing is a better word because simple questions that don't have simple answers the is that when you make a on a Mitzvah or either one you now to make a if you made a and before you ate a little bit mat you spoke out you have to repat the now let's refocus on the standard standard that takes place hopefully every night the is making a and then right what should he do okay look at there should be no between the and theah and the yet after he makes his he turns to the he turns to the this ring does have yeah okay good uh then he turns to the is it your ring is it really yours you're good wonderful then he tells the what to do the question is either way that you identify this there should be no between the andah and as early as the in t a long want to see and the is after the BR now I do know that you allow to be you allow to say bring salt bring feed the animals but the same says do everything before to avoid H we don't sit down and bring salt after so the question is who has a problem of who has the bigger problem of no he's making the mitz the also has a problem but there's more problem on the so the question is very simple why is the standard procedure that everything is done after the let let show the ring and and and tell him what to do so the question is why don't we do things with avoiding get have sick so this a good question and it's hard to find a good answer so it could be I'm thinking I it's a very insufficient ter that has to tell the exactly what to do say don't give the ring until after you have a problem so once he's talking anyhow so maybe he's talking a little more but that's an insufficient the but I did find that our is not our it's not americ good and then if she the girl was a he would ask how old she was made the BR and then inquired so it's not a on me and you it's a on MAR and the same that I mentioned make he says ask if the ring so you have the two that not only sanction but really recommended so I don't know I would love to know Tak why don't we avoid this problem and as it's CL there's more of a problem of say spoke out but the evidence not a problem but I just wonder why Tak we don't at least is this your ring shake your head yes or no have to talk maybe that would be an a what I would say everybody should do have the let the make sure the goes down to the with the ring in his pocket how often happens where's the ring I left it in the room or worse I left it at home and then you have talking and have so many people insist should have the ring that's a good idea but this this point maybe maybe St it's not respectful the r is this your ring and you don't talk back you shake your head maybe it's not nice I don't know but I appreciate hearing include both and to talk out so I'd love to hear about this but it's a good idea that at least should minimize his talk now another point is K to mention is I once saw this and was disappointing after made the and he was busy with the a at the ring the start talking to the now it's nice to be you know friendly and all but you know not now he shouldn't talk and you know now if she's scared and he wants to like pacify her relax her she shouldn't back out I guess that's when know okay but St to start talking it's inappropriate now the one thing I will mention if she starts talking so bad because she doesn't she's not part of the now if he's going to say sha she's starting off the marriage on the right foot so we'll have to leave that for you know that's going to get give it shot for that but no doubt about it I'm afraid to say this but if he spoke out all the is not and then I think the parents be very happy they have a new but a more serious note they shouldn't talk I wonder why we don't try to work everything out before the is being said but I'm comfortable with the next question I should mention in the one of the classics form on so in Sim he writes the following don't be between the and the K he says if spoke out so but if the spoke out then the is even have and that I understand because it's a and there was a h in between but then in the that he has in the back this the old print the my print and the new print it's put into the actual sa he says maybe we could Salvage a situation and we could say even if the spoke out why is that so it's beautiful you could rely on it being a for the for the assembled guests not and there so he's willing to say that it's only a in such a situation and maybe it's not a even if spoke out now that gives me a lot of more confidence an hour minute because even if we have a why don't we say avoid all do it all before the but at the end of the day it's even if the spoke out it's [Music] not others that say this that if he spoke out he is not it's not a problem even wouldn't be a problem so talks maybe can make ITR respond if he concerned but the beauty of the is is all our original we treat like we rely on the I think it's what I saw in the say that if once say before when should he say it before the ands are busy saying I wonder if it's so P that after makes before the actual they start saying names of people for maybe that's not the right time maybe although it's nice and all but is that really the stick maybe till after the was made question the till now we spoke now let's talk about for the is the same so one thing has to be clear on the same page regarding all of and so I say regarding the the should be like the follow the with the don't say don't say and do say and don't make your own that's true but now the big question ising is to hear it and so and is others that had the same they would tell the together before they would leave out the Kal's name regarding this however and that's probably why the that I mentioned earlier says could be the cows also included in the why not but so this is an interesting to consider if the supposed to listen to the you don't lose is she to listen and the evid it's a problem about but listen to the next is absolutely mindboggling she listens to orders whatever tell do she does okay and that's does she say to the what's wrong oh here's the problem she's being after has no so it's it's like saying a to someone Shack under the is a would tell the don't be don't have to be my my my and don't see a because this is however the Min and here's because we have this similar problem when the wives the women makeu and then when the husand makes in KES they should not say to of the husband why what the ging and the drinking very good so she said you can't make a she can't see a to the but most I think that's the has a Tru about this has two TR actually even though the the woman does not need the but but it's part of the text it's part of the accepted so it's not a so if it's part of the here also it's part of the to say I do believe the Min is that the women the do make the do say to the and to the I saw beautiful let's say the whatever reason can't drink wine what should the do make gin drinking he's not he's not bris give it to the listen to maybe if we hold she's not so what does the Gin become a regular so how could make it for the so better he should drink some of the wine himself or maybe the should be brave and take a drop okay a few more I wanted to mention the is precious when we get children get married look at the the Highlight the theme of the is a wonderful message a start of the whole the whole point of it is to highlight our acceptance of the Taz inot gim says he found the that to say should be said two more points to mention the really it's a SLE of why we don't stand by like this isur in in zya and earlier sources to stand okay many people don't stand but it's stand especially and last but not least I think now we might have a stickle of an understanding there is a problem many refuse to use a microphone for the why so this is we've discussed many times in the past when I hear the BR over microphone I'm not hearing the original sound it's electronically reproduced sound now since you have to have a minion of hearing the bras not just the be you have to have minion that hear the BR say so it's it's it's it's conceivable that if no one hears the actual M's voice all hear the Amplified voice of the microphone hearing the people around you have to know the dynamic are you hearing the of the or the the microphone so many people will not use a a microphone at all but I have a that regarding the micro microphone by the a little less of a problem cuz as we said you don't need a minion but you don't need a minion but one thing you do have to have the has to be with and the so if you're not sure that the can hear without the microphone it's to make the without the microphone we live so many D without it and they we should make S talk to you all was 718 851 8651 email.com after c spee okay but you don't have to stand and we're to use the microphon everyone can hear okay the first we learned you have to learn before the and we definitely learn we have a beautiful how every detail is so carefully accounted for basically the identity is very different than primarily is on on the concept of marriage we also treated to the they have no to it but this is a for the and perhaps for the Kal as well it's based on they gave her but it's only but it is and that's why we see it's a very cherished the has a although typically doesn't have but it has a element of like that has the r treats like and requires all used to say the because he did the today does it for literally he's should make the by himself that's what most they say the right after the in other words even though does not require we try to make the minion is not just like the is not the has the right the right unless special circumstance that the side should choose as we said is but if you have it have all the is to use today white wine to keep a stain out but the what we do see unusual is said just for someone else and not for the he does not drink some do drink a little bit that the should not make their own they should say they don't just to drop both and should not be the question is why are we mik with many different details that's probably the Min we're not sure exactly why but the should have the ring ready should not talk under the to or anybody I guess also giving out might be the the the should be said before or after the should is not with the although some listen out being there's no when is needed but again the does say to the and as we said the the mic should not be used at all it's better mic should not be used but there's more of a if you don't need a minion like