Text-Based Tanya Class—Week #42

all right so last class we finished chapter 26. what was the theme of 26 simcha that's a Hebrew word what does it mean Joy um and we specifically spoke about two sources of the opposite of joy and how to overcome those challenges we spoke about in very general terms challenges that come from what we call worldly problems problems of this world meaning when life gets rough and how to overcome that and then we spoke about how to overcome challenges of a spiritual nature which we defined as guilt over our past misdeeds how to overcome the uh the feeling negative feelings that arise from that okay so that was chapter 26. we're continuing now to chapter 27. to speak further about the importance of retaining a joyful mood and how to overcome various sources of angst today's particular troubleshooting issue is similar to what we spoke about in the end of the previous chapter but it's different similar but different it's similar in that so at the end of the previous chapter we're speaking about uh when you feel bad about past misdeeds when you're feeling uh feeling bad about things that you've done wrong in the past today chapter 27 it's a similar source of negativity it is it is spiritual nature it's moral in nature it has to do with feelings of being inadequate in a in a religious way but it's different in fact it's deeper it's deeper because in the end of chapter 26 we're talking about feeling bad about things that we've done in chapter 27 we're talking about feeling bad about things we haven't even done because they're not actual behaviors they are proclivities or desires or attractions that we're feeling that we feel ashamed about which is a much deeper issue you might say that in the end of chapter 27 I mean rather at the end of chapter 26 we dealt with guilt and in chapter 27 we're dealing with shame guilt is I feel bad about what I've done chapter 27 is I feel bad about who I am so it's obviously much deeper when I feel bad about who I am I I'm ashamed that I'm the kind of person who would derive pleasure or satisfaction from these things which my sense of right and wrong tells me shouldn't be the kinds of things that are exciting or interesting to someone like me okay so we're dealing with that um we're not getting into a moral discussion of right and wrong that's not the point the focus here is the emotional issue about what to do with these feelings when I'm when see let me let me say it this way remember last class we spoke about the Vicious Cycle where the evil inclination will will get a person into a rut like a sort of negative feedback loop where I feel bad because of immoral things that I've done and because I'm feeling bad um I'm looking for distraction or relief and then and because I'm feeling bad I don't have a particularly high opinion of myself at the moment so then I indulge in order to distract myself from the pain I feel from the guilt over my previous misdeeds and in order to distract myself I indulge in something which is an even greater misdeed than the than the misdeed that I was originally uh feeling bad about and then lather rinse repeat you get stuck in a downward spiral which can obviously be very destructive so similar to that in chapter 27 what we're saying is so important to be joyful you cannot do anything well and certainly not at your best unless you unless you do it joyfully and that includes serving Hashem and if you will so here's the irony if you allow your Shame about feeling spiritually inadequate to make you feel bad then actually what's going to happen is it will it will compromise your ability to service to serve Hashem properly and and then obviously from there it's very hard to put a stop to that to that negative cycle so what we're trying to do is give you some information that will help you to contextualize what you know about yourself so that you can be more gentle and forgiving without by the way without changing your moral code because that would be the easiest thing we could just become moral relativists so we could tell you whatever you feel is good if it's natural just do it but we're not going to say that we don't have to say that well we can tell you that you know right is right and wrong is wrong and at the same time you do not have to be consumed with shame over your desires which are not aligned with your with your moral code okay does this make sense yeah all right so pedicov's eye in chapter 27 if the person's sadness is not from being worried about sins meaning actual sins the commission of actual sins rather what is his what is he what's troubling him but rather because of let's call it a sinful fantasies or lustful desires which are popping up in his mind in other words he hasn't done anything it's not like he says oh that was a terrible thing that I did no rather it's much deeper he's saying I'm ashamed of the fact that these are the kinds of things I would like to do no I I wouldn't do it God forbid but what kind of a low-life am I that these things still speak to me and that I do get excited about them and then I have to remind myself oh no that's not good and then I don't do it but it's like what kind of a person am I must be some type of uh some type of a pariah that and and the worst thing is nobody even knows if anybody knew if they knew how bad that people young people would spit on me they would but they don't even know what a hypocrite I am right so he's he's consumed with this type of negative self-concept and it's causing him uh to be sad and the altareb is saying nobody you cannot afford that even though it sounds in a in a certain way it sounds sort of like noble almost like like I'm so Pious for hating myself for being so not Pious right but he's saying no you're not you're not doing anybody any favors this is not productive we got to get you off of this Loop okay Ace foreign if he has these impulses not in the at the time when he's trying to actively serve Hashem like learning Torah or Dominic but rather when he's going about his day when he's at work and there's a distinction here because there are different ways of reacting depending on what activity you're in the middle of if this happens while you're in the middle of davening that's a whole other discussion which will be the subject of an entire chapter unto itself namely chapter 28. so just hold in there until chapter 28 but if you are going about your regular business you are parking your car you're running into the store and you're just doing regular mundane stuff and all of a sudden you get this twinge of self-loathing because you say oh you know I thought I was so spiritual I go and I learned Tanya every Monday to leave Utah library on Central Avenue at 11 A.M I thought I was I thought I had progressed so far spiritually and I just caught myself having an Impulse which is not spiritual an Impulse for something that is totally abominable to me and and yet I had that impulse you know nobody came and told me to think about this this came from my own brain and I guess that's the kind of person I really am and who am I fooling okay so here's what he says adaraba to the contrary meaning you've got this all wrong buddy [Applause] you're sad no be happy be happy this is he's doubling down not only is he saying don't be sad he's saying be happy you thought Bobby McFerrin was the one who said that what you like that okay you know the sense of betrayal I had when I found out that that accent was faked I haven't gotten over that yet that was cultural appropriation okay so don't be sad be glad es because listen even though you had this impulse you didn't give in you didn't do it you averted your mind from it eventually he doesn't say how quickly by the way but yeah eventually now you can say well when I did do it okay so then go back to chapter 26 because in chapter 26 we deal with what if you've actually gone over the line and done something wrong so we spoke about that in chapter 26. but here we're talking about the deeper issue of I haven't even done it and I'm feeling awful about the fact that it's still it's still attractive to me it's still interesting to me so he says look don't feel sad be happy that you had the desire and you didn't give in you you were Messiah means you averted your mind from it so what because in so doing you fulfilled that which it says do not go straying after your hearts and your eyes which you go lusting after you know where it says that where does it say that Shema yeah so that's a biggie it says do not go straying and in fact um it's one of the 613 Commandments it's not just a verse in the Torah that we say multiple times a day it's actually one of the one of the 613 commandmentsuru do not go straying after your heart and your eyes the anacas now that verse was not speaking about sadikim and describing them as having lustful desires now stop we have to go back to our basic Tanya knowledge not everyone here has been at every class since we restarted Tanya a year ago almost a year ago when we restarted from chapter one but those who have been here or who have been here most of the time please remind me what is the Tanya's definition not don't tell me what azadiq is someone will take you to the airport that's not what a tadiq is the Tanya's definition of exotic bad thoughts there's no nothing bad nothing bad when you mean nothing hmm no impulses right so even deeper than behavioral even on a level of impulse right so the definition of Sadiq according to Tanya is someone who does not even have the kinds of impulses that one would be morally obligated to inhibit at sadik would require no inhibition because all of their impulses Are Holy impulses doesn't matter don't worry about it yeah maybe they did maybe they won the lottery yeah yeah tall and handsome and no yesahara yeah yeah who just won the lottery yeah it doesn't matter will not tell you how to achieve that anyway yeah remember I don't want to get into a whole discussion about basic Tanya but safer shall Bane in him thou called the books if it's obeying him he said our purpose here is to become a Bane in the abandoning of someone who achieves behavioral perfection in spite of having conflict on the level of impulse okay but we're bringing up the Sadiq not to tell you to be Assad that but actually to remind you other you're not a topic and to tell you you know this verse do not go straying after your impulses who is that verse speaking to what kind of a person is that verse speaking to surely not at Sadiq because at Sadiq doesn't have the kinds of impulses that would require being uh overridden so this verse is speaking well rather let's just continue rather this verse is speaking to what we and Tanya Define as obanity who do have thoughts of and it's interesting and I always make a point when I learn Tanya especially with the young people not that we're not young people here but with the young people I say you know there are a lot of thoughts that we are morally prohibited from engaging in but the example that the altadaba uses here he only uses one example he says which in my lessons in Tanya I think is translated as erotic thoughts uh and then he says whether of a permissible nature or and then he says Etc he doesn't want to say it so explicitly but the implication is or of a prohibited nature in other words is talking about any type of thoughts that you're not allowed to think about like oh I'd love to murder that guy right obviously that's not a it's not a moral thought but when he cites an example of the kinds of thoughts that you you're not supposed to indulge in um the example he gives is thoughts of an erotic nature whether of a permissible category do I have to explain what that means of a permissible category somebody thinking about a relationship that actually is permissible to them and just thinking about it in an inappropriate time when there's nothing productive that can be done with that thought or thinking about something that is inherently not something that could ever be acted on in any place or in in any time right so is using that as sort of like the classic example of human nature if you're not a todic if you're a child that you don't have this issue but if you're not a sadik sometimes you'll have an Impulse for a thought of this type of nature and uh goody gum drops lucky you you were just given the opportunity to do a mitzvah can't do this mitzvah what Mitzvah suru Felicia was a Mitzvah but you can only do that Mitzvah of not straying after your impulses if you have the impulses to begin with so this is what he's saying you were beating yourself up you were condemning yourself and then you were getting depressed because you had the impulse for something that's inappropriate he says why would you be upset when you were just given the opportunity to do a mitzvah oh you don't like that Mitzvah oh you don't like that mitzvah oh now you're picking and choosing so what are Mitzvahs about you're doing the mitzers Because Hashem told you to do the Mitzvahs or because you want to be a cool guy so you're picking which Mitzvahs you think are cool no no it doesn't work though the midsters are for Hashem and this is one of hashem's mitzvahs oh no but I want to do the cool Mitzvahs that my mother created a Mitzvah note to the teacher you know you know the Mitzvah notes when the kids are in like kindergarten you have to write the Mitzvah now he was such a good boy he helped get ready for Shabbos he yeah because there's a lot of social pressure to come up with those mixes he's like uh what did he do the Mitzvah yeah well I don't know if anyone heard online you're at the aisle meaning actually in the aisle where people go in with it where the actual caver is and a mother comes in with her uh with two little boys and they saw the the notes the the papers that people leave at the at the resting place in La Babu Geneva they said oh wow look at all the Mitzvah notes that's good that's beautiful that's beautiful yes wow that's that's a great premium Kipper story yeah look at all the Mitzvah notes that's beautiful okay so here's a Mitzvah note um I had an unwholesome impure desire I identified it as such and not only did I not act on it because I would never act on it but I dropped it from from my mind as well as soon as I understood it was not a productive thought that's my mitzvahno patience with the kids yeah sure yeah yeah you want to be boring a mission so the kids no yes yes yeah yeah yeah yeah okay I think it's interesting that and and I'm I'm I point this out because so many people have real deep shame specifically in this area and when they do experience issues of a an intimate nature it has a Nate it has it has a a tendency to really derail people I don't want to get into a whole discussion about human sexuality according to Kabbalah although we could have an entire discussion about that but the alternative identifies it as a unique source of self-loathing and that which unfortunately really derails people okay however you're correct you're correct that's not the only type of inappropriate thought an inappropriate thought could be like my kid is so annoying he's taking 10 minutes to put on his shoes I want to scream at this kid I didn't scream at him but I really felt like screaming at him I felt like you know saying what the heck's wrong with you okay I didn't do it but I felt like a what kind of awful mother am I that I wanted to scream at my kid hey what's wrong with you put on your shoes already okay so that kind of a thing the out that I was saying here don't hate yourself for having had such an impulse be humbly grateful that you were given the opportunity to do the mitzvah the unique Mitzvah of not giving in to that impulse because you can't do that Mitzvah if you don't have the impulse sadikim can't do that Mitzvah they don't have the impulse so they don't have the opportunity to do the myths of not giving in to the impulse okay so when the person averts his mind from the impulse he is actually performing a Mitzvah he is adhering to a Prohibition of the Torah one of the 365 don'ts and the sages have said yahsha Valley someone who just sits and doesn't do a sin Nation he is rewarded as if he he had done a Mitzvah so don't come and be a Mr smartypants and say well that's not a real Mitzvah because it's not a not one of the 248 positive Commandments it's only one of the 365 prohibitions so it's not something I did it's something that I didn't do so how could I get proud about it and he's saying listen you're being a smarty pants the sages have told us very clearly that even refraining from a sin is considered in the torah's eyes to be as equally valuable as doing a commandment okay I'm alive therefore you should rejoice in adhering to the prohibition just like you would rejoice in performing a positive commandment in other words where's your sim right there's a concept called Mitzvah is Oh yay I get to do a mitzvah like the bedicheva who couldn't sleep all night and the night of sukkas because he was just staring at his lulov and he's waiting for the crack of dawn so he could run out to the sukkah and bench Lula of it the first possible moment right because he was so excited about the Mitzvah at such a Mitzvah and we all agree that that's a beautiful thing yeah mitzvah in being makaim Vale sasuru where's the joy that you get from doing God's will when you are beset by any by an inappropriate impulse and you ignore that inappropriate impulse why don't you get excited about that you've just done a Mitzvah Mitzvahs aren't exciting to you I don't understand either way it doesn't make sense if you're into Mitzvahs then get happy about that Mitzvah and if you're not happy about it so apparently you're not so into Mitzvahs so why are you killing yourself over the fact that you wanted to do a sin like you got to pick you gotta you gotta pick what what's what's your world view you really care about Mitzvahs okay so be happy you just did a mitzvah okay the alkane now we said that okay so he says again this is the second time he's saying the first time I said we have the rabbit to the country it should be happy not set up and now he's explaining this is very interesting this Insight here he's telling us the real cause for the sadness he's saying I don't buy it that your sadness is genuinely coming from a place of piety because if it were like I just said if it were if you're so Pious that means you value Mitzvahs well if you value Mitzvahs so then be happy that you just did one and the fact that you're not able to get happy about that Mitzvah the fact that not only you're not happy about that Mitzvah but you're ashamed that you're in a in a position to have to do that mitzvah he says I'll tell you what I really think it is the sadness is coming from arrogance he doesn't know his place what does it mean he doesn't know his place meaning you have spiritual delusions of grandeur alkane that's why he feels bad that he's not on the level of as we defined it in Tanya so he's feeling bad by the way I had an impulse and inappropriate impulse I'm not a tonic certainly do not are not beset by he calls them foolish thoughts they are not beset by such foolish thoughts so he's sad oh no I had an Impulse that is inappropriate to act upon yeah that means you're not a tadiq that's what you're sad about the United if he were to recognize his place his true standing that he is far from the level of tadiq the Halal Russia in fact my friend I think you would agree if only you could be obeying me as we've defined it in Tanya someone with behavioral perfection meaning someone who from time to time gives in behaviorally to his impulses even for a moment if you could take control and as we've defined it this is actually what we call the level of the bainini and this is the the mode of service of the baby somebody who is able to curb his impulses on a behavioral level not that he is free from the impulses he has the impulses but he he's able to not act on them continuing to describe the mechanics of abandoning someone who conquers the evil inclination and the the the the thought that arises from the heart to the mind and he completely averts his mind from it he pushes it away with two hands foreign that he pushes away this inappropriate impulse from his thought is it has a cosmic ripple effect it's not just a personal Victory he is actually subjugating the universal forces of negativity when he has his personal victory that causes what he does down here is reciprocated on high is it subjugates the universal which arrogantly lifts its head above like an ego like and basically what happens is he acts out what it says I think this is a verse from avadya the prophet evadia Obadiah was a proselyte from uh Adam he was an Edomite proselyte he read a poem about that anyways he was a Roman and he became Jewish and the Romans the original Romans were descended from Asif yaakov's brother asaph so it's interesting a vadia was given the Merit of prophesizing about the downfall of his biological ancestors yeah so Rome which is the embodiment of asaph is described as being haughty and it says if you lift yourself up like an eagle I'm gonna bring you down from there says Hashem okay so the point is that when you have your personal moment of struggle think about the net gain the net gain is by engaging in your little uh what do you call it your little isometric um moral exercise where you're overcoming your own little internal resistance that actually has a cosmic ripple effect where you are bringing down the power bringing down meaning you're lowering the effectiveness the hold that negativity has on the world in general so just to reframe this whole thing this is what you're depressed about you depressed about the fact that you're not at Sadiq who can who who gets to go through life without having any inappropriate impulses and instead what do you have you have the opportunity to do something whereby your personal moral Victory is actually making the entire world a better place for all of us and that's what you're crying about wait you yeah yeah whole exercise is there any vesuva or introspection you're supposed to be doing about that initial thought no great question no question is what about the chuvo what about the introspection of stock taking cleaning it up no at least in this immediate context no so you're trying to figure out when it crosses the line from an Impulse to an actual Behavior right because we said that if it crosses the line to an actual Behavior go see chapter 26. so you're saying is plotting and scheming a plan how to do an Aveda even though you haven't done any action but it's com it's completely mental but has but it is that developed of a thought is that enough of a developed thought that crosses the line to um the kinds of stuff that we deal with in chapter 26. uh yeah yeah it is so then you would deal with it the way that we deal it we deal with it in chapter 26 which is like we said yes there's a process of doing chuva you make an appointment you do a spiritual stock taking at the end of the day or at the end of the week yeah is like the Ulta rabbit is like teaching us how to have customers on ourselves and think positively on ourselves right and if you do that well then naturally you can do that outside of yourself oh don't even go there yet but yes you're right you're six chapters too early five chapters too early yes the more potential so you want to make an argument or you're asking can we make the argument that this stuff could actually be scalable that as good as good as best and is better that if you're telling me that overcoming an Impulse has this effect so then the darker the impulse the greater the victory yeah life you just use right yeah you have the full you push the foot away you have and and you don't do it so the the positive things of two things you that you are able to push the court away and that you don't do it right on and on and on in your mind okay so let's clarify and you know if we continue he will answer this question but let me articulate the question um how frequently are you allowed to struggle with this thought before it becomes that you're not struggling with it anymore just that's the way you're thinking like how at what point have you crossed the line right okay so let's let's continue because he does answer this question I was supposed to Aspire to become a beneath okay so he just said how have I been iny that that's an aspiration being abandoned is an aspiration uh as we've discussed in earlier chapters of the book tadiq is not on our agenda right yeah does that answer your question yeah that's the whole premise of the book is you're supposed to try to become a mainly yeah yeah I just wanted to say something when you talk about Drawing the Line literally the line these people who can't control their impulses at that point if they could just recognize that they need professional help right if somebody is neurologically incapable or for whatever biological reason um of controlling an Impulse then that's not a moral issue yeah right but but like like we say about a lot of things it's not under your control to stop it but it's under your control to seek the proper that's what I'm saying treatment it's a good point yeah that line if you can at least recognize yeah that you can't do it alone and you have to go for professionalism very good yeah important it's an important note okay all right let's let's continue a little bit here um so we have this ripple effect s desire speaks in very praiseworthy glowing terms about the incredible pleasure Hashem has when somebody overcomes their own personal challenges so again is this about your glory or is this about hashem's Glory if it's about hashem's Glory then what do you care if you have to do the Dirty Work of being a person who exercises impulse control over inappropriate desires you're accomplishing something great in the world so so stop stop being so self-conscious dystolic you cut it he says actually there's a unique effect in the world that when you overcome an inappropriate desire that has a greater effect than any other Praise of Hashem therefore a person should not feel bad he should not be overly distraught even if he will be engaged his entire life all of his days in this war does that answer your question his whole life may be spent it's not something oh yeah I once had a negative impulse I remember that I overcame it that was rough that was rough no he's doing it constantly call yarmov this this sounds so depressing call yum of all of his days he says yeah maybe that's what he was created for this and this is his way of serving Hashem by overcoming the negativity maybe that's the way you serve Hashem not saying it is but if you're finding that that's your experience don't question the value of such a life to the contrary embrace it this is how you are productive this is how you are serving Hashem this is how you are creating a net gain of good in the universe now not everybody has that mission but if you find that that is your mission or you go through a period of life where that is that appears to be your mission it's certainly not a cause to be distraught if your feelings are coming from a legitimately spiritual place of course if it's coming from arrogance then we can't help you if it's coming from arrogance yeah it is pretty shameful to be the guy with the dirty mind and yeah yeah you're gonna be all broken up about it but if you're coming from a legitimately humble place where you say you know what it's not about me it's about Hashem apparently I didn't ask for this I didn't sign up for this but apparently this is the way that I'm serving Hashem right now and and it's more than just once a day it's more than five times a day it's more than ten times a day and it's it's more than once a week apparently this is my constant way of serving Hashem this is just what it this is just life this is my normal okay fine then that's what it is now I'm not saying that that's for everyone but certainly there are people that is the way that they serve Hashem and we're normalizing that if that's if the shoe fits you know if and there's no shame in that to the contrary if you're feeling shame in that it's only coming from arrogance if you're truly embracing that mitzvah for Hashem not for us for Hashem then what does it bother you if your Mitzvah is to write a safer Torah or to curb your inappropriate lustful desires when you walk down the street what difference does it make to you which Mitzvah you're doing you're doing a mitzvah despair leads to worse because it could lead to all the evaders and that's that's what we're trying to overcome here yeah but let's say somebody is overly critical over themselves and that's a consistent thought or I'm giving an example but some sort of aspect um that would overcoming that would that be within the same realm of um that fight that struggle is in itself okay so you're asking an excellent question I'm going to re-articulate the question your question and tell me if I'm changing it too much because I know what's happening in the chapter and sort of I'm sort of biased the question is now that you've convinced us how powerful it is to exercise this type of impulse control I'm wondering if we could generalize that to things Beyond just overtly immoral uh impulses um what about other impulses that maybe are not so clearly wrong but I would like to overcome them I would like to exert some type of Mastery over them would that also have some type of a benefit is that what you're sort of asking that is what you're asking okay that being joyful is very important so let's see that in it or in and of itself by itself it's not overtly clear-cut you're not allowed to do this okay yeah obviously any type of stinking thinking is going to undermine our entire avedis Hashem we know that but I'm saying in and of itself is this thing can I say that it's categorically immoral to to do this or to think this or to want this no no but I would like to gain some self-control over it okay so yeah I think it was it was chosen as a not as a specific example but more as a general example so I'm gonna I'm gonna answer the question before we're about to get into it we're about to get into this is literally where we're heading right now um the I'll answer before we even get into it the answer is yes that this is so powerful the mechanics of this ripple effect that we described is so powerful that yeah we can once we learn this we can go and use it on all types of things and exercise self-control even in areas that are not inherently sinful were we to indulge okay yeah but how do we fill our thoughts in that moment to divert us away from the thought okay you're asking a very practical question what does it how do you avert the thought yeah yeah where does it go yeah like what are we replacing that thought so I was up till 5 30 a.m last night watching videos and how to make your tinnitus go away so yeah basically like that it's uh ringing in the ears that's constant and uh it's not actually a real sound it's the brain noticing stimulus that it should be ignoring and it's maddening and it drives people insane and to like yeah one of the question questions on the questionnaire that I took at the Audiology Clinic was like does does does the ringing in your ears drive you to Suicidal Thoughts okay there's there's a reason why that's a question okay at any rate um so how do you yeah how do you avert your mind from a thought you know what whatever works whatever works as watching it I guess I was watching this video till 5 30 in the morning but one of the guys saying he plays video games now why sometimes that's what you got to do concept that the more you work on this the stronger you get Maybe maybe I don't want to give you false hopes listen let's be realistic let's be realistic here some desires are just sort of like base Human Nature and to a certain extent they're ever present they're ubiquitous and the best certain things yeah you can get over it you could say you know what I used to go crazy about pot fudge sundaes and I grew out of that yeah I don't want to say that there isn't such a thing as growing Beyond certain things but there are other things it's pretty ubiquitous and you just learn how to live your life in spite of it and that's called overcoming that's called averting averting is move on take a step forward do the next right thing act as if this wasn't Forefront in your mind and eventually it will be effectively speaking as if it weren't there then there is a board game you throw around yeah yeah getting neutral yeah like not really regarding it as much by the way that's one of the things with the tenant this is that that you hate it and the more you hate it's caused by stress so the more it stresses you and the more you regard it as a negative it's very interesting it's a good parenting tip it says that when I was thinking about my parenting course when I was watching these videos because it's saying like well when you when you identify it as undesirable and you say to yourself This is undesirable stop paying attention to it you're actually identifying it as emotionally important so you're actually hearing it more um like right now I'm not hearing I'm barely hearing it why because I'm very engaged in this discussion so I'm conscious that I have it but it barely like Baruch Hashem right now is like a moment of relief why because I'm very focused on this conversation it's not that it's actually louder or quieter it's not a real sound anyway but I'm focused on this conversation yeah it's mad yeah we need more basically yeah so yeah for my sanity I need to be giving Tanya classes 24 hours a day um yeah so um what we're saying that when you regard it as so undesirable oh I hate this you're actually telling your brain and they say it's happening on a limbic level basically it's it's fight or flight so your brain is just saying well what's important information for me to know in order to survive well if you're raging so much about this stimulus it must be important information for me to know about no I don't want I don't want I want my brain to filter out this noise just like they give you an example a guy like me with sensory issues they said it's like you don't notice your socks on your feet I'm like well until now right okay and then like for an hour I was like and I wasn't even wearing socks and that was the worst thing but the Point what we're saying is that when you regard it as would you say getting neutral getting neutral when you regard it as no that that just that's just my condition it is what it is that's the best attitude to make it become less intrusive but when you get all upset about it and this is basically what you're saying it's interesting brought this um what he's saying is when the person coming from a place of piety and maybe even he thinks maybe you never learned chapter 27 of tiny so he actually thinks he's being genuinely pious but he's raging against he's like oh I hate these thoughts I hate these impulses these are so disgusting I hate these so the the the the the rage and the hate and the disgust isn't making it go away you're giving it attention and and and then the biggest the biggest negative effect is you're internalizing that hatred you're hating yourself and then it's undermining all of your service of Hashem because you cannot do anything well if you're not joyful and that's why it's terrible when a teacher says you should be ashamed of yourself that is right or a parent said it should be ashamed of yourself or anyone yeah yeah we should know okay let's wrap up yeah it's yeah I wish that were true for me you can't have two thoughts at the same time I could have like 10 thoughts at the same time I can't do two things at the same time yeah I can I can't do two things at once I can only do one thing but I I could think 10 things at a time I can do it right now you can't see my thoughts no no I can overlap again layers I'm going to overlap them yeah what I think yeah I I don't think it's binary I don't think it's a switch I think it's a degree of importance and and that's what we're talking about here is do I want to give importance to my impulses or do I want to recognize them for what they are background noise and I want to give importance to my my behaviors my behavior should be of primary importance to me okay let's wrap up here and we're in the middle of chapter 27 we'll continue in uh in a few weeks