Text-Based Tanya Class—Week #38

all right today is a very auspicious day the class is very important class because we started many weeks perhaps months ago a string of chapters that have one main point with many many steps to the argument and i think with hashem's help we're going to finish today we're on chapter 25 and this this string of chapters began in chapter 18. we were asking a question how can we achieve emotional congruence with the behaviors the torah demands of us now we we know from chapter 16 and 17 there's a long-term method for achieving that emotional congruence and it's called meditation you meditate on god's greatness and you slowly develop love and awe of him okay but our question was going into chapter 18 is there a quicker method and we said yes there is a quicker method but it takes eight chapters to explain it's a quicker method meaning quicker to do but it's rather long to explain how to do it and it's based on the idea that there's a certain innate reaction that the jewish soul has to the threat of being disconnected from god and we see that historically as the phenomenon of irreligious jews who gave up their lives to protect their jewish identity which is really inexplicable other than attributing to it some type of metaphysical cause which is that the soul the jewish soul will not allow itself to be separate from god when it knows that that's what the stakes are now when we don't know that's what the stakes are because of self-rationalization then we will do things that separate us from god god forbid but when we're when it's very clear that this next action can either connect me or disconnect me from god then all of a sudden there's this spiritual life or death reaction like this call it a spiritual adrenaline rush and i will do anything to protect my connection to god even give up my life okay so that was the premise now we needed eight chapters to convince you that every little moral dilemma even if it's something relatively minor like what we often rationalize as minor mitzvahs that every single moral dilemma is really binary it's either it's all or nothing it and remember i said that like 20 times this is not generally how we view things but in this very specific context of using this tool we do view it this way in a very extreme way where we we view every moral choice as either complete connection absolute connection to hashem or god forbid absolute disconnection and if we'll view it that way then we'll trigger that intense reaction that is hard coded into the jewish soul okay sounds familiar to those who have been here okay so let's do chapter twenty five percent this is the final chapter in this string of chapters of kirk allah what it says this thing is very near to you do you recognize those words yeah where do you recognize them from where where where's it from you'd recognize him to 12 silken that's very good yeah it is one and 12 seconds at the beginning beginning of what of the tanya where how far in the beginning first thing title page very good on the title and where's the actual source by the way it's a positive yeah so um it is a positive in homage but it's the uh sort of the motto of tanya he on the title page the altar says that the whole point of this book is to explain to you how this verse is true and applicable this matter is very close to you close meaning accessible it is accessible to fulfill the entire torah so the tanya is explaining that um so we're going back to that verse and we're explaining that verse and we're saying that at any moment it is totally within your ability to remove the foolish self-rationalizing uh arguments from your mind and the forgetfulness he calls it the forgetfulness that's a i don't want to go into each and every word of tanya because each and every word of time is so rich and we could just spend a whole class on every word but let me spend five seconds on this word when we when we forfeit the opportunity to connect to god he calls it forgetfulness it's forgetfulness because we intuitively we know we know we know what's right we want connection to god but we forgot we forgot okay so that's an important word so if you could remove the the spirit of folly which we call the self-rationalization and the the forgetfulness forgetting how much you really cherish your relationship with hashem release karen to remember and to arouse your love for hashem the one hamas it is certainly hidden in your heart we know that we learn that in chapter uh 18 that we have this inherited love that we got from the others this is what it means in the verse when it says and in your heart in other words he's explaining one aspect of that verse in your heart seemingly it's not korev maybe you can convince me like we said earlier remember he he he goes at that verse from many different angles we had previously previously learned that the operative word in that sentence was la says like good enough to do it good enough how much enough to do it enough to get yourself to do it here he's he's seizing on the words in your heart he's explaining that even the emotional quality of this is is is caught is accessible because it's not something you have to go out and get or acquire meditation is the process of acquiring new emotions but this method is actually unearthing latent emotions which were already there you already have it you just have to get it out okay bring it out and also you should know that hidden love includes within it fear because you need to have love and fear you have to have both axes the highness is what is the fear the fear is the fear of being separate god forbid from hashem even for one second and that fear compels one even to give up his very life to preserve his connection to hashem belishum and that compulsion to preserve one's uh connection to hashem and the terror of being separate from hashem he calls it something that's totally irrational or supra rational if you want to use a nicer word rather it is a godly nature it is a teva ella key a godly nature a godly instinct we spoke about this in chapter 19 about the the metaphor of the flame that the flame wants to go up even though it loses its identity but it goes in is subsumed in its source the the nature of the soul is that it just wants to be one with its source and it doesn't care about it preserving its own identity which is rather uh well uh the opposite of the animal soul which its entire modus operandi is self-preservation and in the case of the godly soul self-preservation is totally uh uninteresting all it wants is oneness which in a way is is a greater sort of self-preservation it's just a transcendent uh identity that my true identity is not in my separateness but in my uh in the in the oneness at any rate i don't want to get philosophical over here nicole she can be sure now he makes his rhetorical argument and this nature of being instinctively recoiling from anything that would separate you from god that would compel you to even give up your life and how and and so how much easier is it than to just forego some type of indulgence or pleasure you hear the rhetorical argument yeah so basically what he says is there's something hardwired into your soul that would allow you that would not allow you to separate yourself from god at all costs at all costs even torture even death and we know this because unfortunately because of historical precedent that same compulsion can be employed and actually logically should even be easier to employ in a situation where all you're giving up is some type of comfort or indulgence now i understand the counter argument which is yeah but precisely because the dilemma presents itself as something more mundane it's less shocking to me and my reaction isn't as intense i understand that that's why you just spent eight chapters trying to reframe all mitzvahs as binary absolute connection or absolute disconnection okay but the point he's making here the logical argument he's making here is that we would give up everything even our lives to not be separate from god so how much easier it is to just not indulge yourself something that might seem pleasant right now in the moment but you realize it's not hashem's will and it would separate you from god it's like no thanks like like you're telling me that this the benefits of this are temporary and the unwanted side effect is eternal and absolute no way no thank you no thank you not and it's not even a polite no thank you it's like whoa get away from me you're gonna kill me get away so he's framing this this logical argument as one of it's uh it's it's based on the fact that we have we have knowledge of a certain phenomenon and that we could reason that that same phenomenon could be triggered if provided we have the right knowledge to to understand what the mechanics are that same phenomenon could be triggered even in what we normally discount as being less intense situations okay everyone's following okay you're following the logical argument that he's making okay i mean it's not that difficult okay okay now he breaks it down a little bit into subcategories regarding what you'll do with that motivation so you have this intense motivation not to be separate from god okay now how will that express itself both in terms of go away from evil affilo even a relatively what we normally call minor infraction or rabbinical infraction you will not want to violate that because you don't want to be separate from hashem because in your subjective with the way that we are framing it now and your subjective perspective you perceive this disconnect that occurs through the minor infraction as being as absolute as the disconnect that happens through worshiping idols but a gamba is and by the way in case you want to argue that i'm going to have a hard time convincing myself i'm going to have a hard time selling this to myself because i know it's not eternal i know the disconnect is not eternal i'll just do chuva afterwards he says yeah hochum you could also do chuva after aveda's order you could also worship aveda and do chuva afterwards so there's really no strength to that argument yeah nothing stands in the way of chuva so he's making you're questioning whether you can do two of them you're not supposed to but what if a person did it you can't ever do chiva i wasn't aware i thought those were like so if he'll come to me and say he wants to do two over we should say oh i'm sorry there's nothing we can do our hands are tied sounds like the dmv but aren't there different levels for different things i'm sure there are levels of yeah sure the point is that in case you're going to be a smartie pants and you're going to say well i can't get myself all amped up to resist a little rabbinical infraction and convince myself that that'll cut me off forever and and convince myself that that's as bad as aveda's because who are you fooling after the aveda i'll just do chuva so it's not like a vedas he says it's not after a vedas order you could also do chuva and you would never allow yourself to do it for a moment you understand the argument you understand the argument it's a very logical argument okay and now he says in brackets in case you're a real smarty pants and even though it is true our sages have told us a person who says i'll sin now and repent later in my speaking it's not he doesn't manage to do trivia person who rationalizes makes himself comfortable with the prospect of sin by convincing himself it's okay chuva is always an option later it will not avail itself to him that opportunity you have to know how to read what that is speaking means it will not present itself to him an opportune slam dunk for doing however obviously if he will prevail and push in can stand in the way of chuva so when we say anyone who says ah i'll sin now and repent later allah says he will not manage to do chiva the altar says you have to read that sentence properly speaking means it will not present itself to him normally hashem is constantly giving us an ally pass for an easy slam dunk to do chuva constantly but a person who rationalized akhdav ashev he makes himself comfortable to sin based on the idea that he knows chuva is always an option later so then hashem's gonna make it harder on you and you're gonna have to work for it but even then if you'll work for it you'll be able to do chuva the point he's making here you have to understand the context is that if you argue i can't compare these two things because in one of them you can always come back from it right afterwards and the other one you can never come back from it he says to you actually you could always come back from anything you can come back from it you can come back from a vader's order you can come back from act of al-shaf you can come back from active austria about his order and yet your soul will not let you do it that's his argument yeah for sure you could come back from it but your soul will not let you do it and that's his point the soul is not saying oh i don't want to do that sin because that's forever that's not what the soul's saying the soul is saying even if you'll fix it a second later i don't want to be disconnected from hashem even for a second yeah he did mention that in chapter eight that's true but even then you could do trouba right you could do chuba but there's still this style in the world okay so uh some okay i'll in the in the more intense version of this class i'll tell you how that was remedied also it's not for public consumption okay and nevertheless meaning even though we know that you could always come back from any aveda even of a disorder even one where you used chuva as your excuse for sitting in the first place nevertheless even though you could always come back every jew is ready he's ready to give up his life to sanctify god's name never to bow down to evade his order even for a minute with the rationalization that he could always do chuva a moment later no he will not do it and why is this why is the jew steadfast he will not disconnect himself for even a second it's because of the light of this of hashem which is invested in his soul which we explained earlier remember back in chapter 19 the sheba fish remember that spiritual reality transcends time it's not trapped in time it's above time the shallow temperature love it's actually time is subservient to it as is known so something that happens in the spiritual realms it's not a moment it's an eternity and the soul will not allow that eternity to take place so we said remember i'm backing up this is a long sentence we said hain both in terms of going away from evil and now he says also in terms of doing good there's that's from david from from taylor liz to strengthen yourself like a lion with might with strength of heart negative against the it's a horror hamas goofy that makes your body feel heavy you map a lot of et's law and uh makes your body feel lazy as you say the offer should benefit which comes from the elemental earth in the animal soul as discussed in chapter one at the end of chapter one okay uh but the laziness makes you not want to toil yourself to exert yourself again for instance it tells you yeah you could learn but don't break a sweat don't learn toyota to the extent of of toil like the sages say that a person should learn tata he should put himself to toyota like uh like us like an ox puts himself to the yoke or like a donkey puts himself to the burden also material mitzvahs like giving dhaka in other words we're talking about positive things where you might hold back because you're like i don't want to i don't want to put myself out i don't want to overexert myself so he says look when you get this super jew impulse to cling to hashem and not allow anything to separate you from hashem you can express that both in avoiding negative things as well as performing positive things so it's that extra push in the positive things like you gave the examples of learning toyota and of davening and giving dhaka to go way past your comfort zone because you'll look at it as just uh look this is this is this is what i gotta do maybe it's irrational but this is this is what i gotta do i have this this instinct that's compelling me to connect to hashem even if it's gonna even it's gonna entail burden even it's gonna but burdens mean nothing compared to this this is this is this just becomes my all-consuming agenda connection to hashem at all costs so this this impulse could express itself in helping you to avoid negative things as well as helping you to perform positive things it doesn't have that same visual oh my god if i don't learn this intensely i'm going to somehow well yeah he is saying that you're supposed to somehow yeah yeah the same day as you talk about it yeah that's exactly what he's saying that's exactly what he's saying because ultimately it's not about doing or not doing it's about connection or not connection so right so in some ways the doing is even more important you know somebody who has a a a relationship a marriage so obviously there's that there's that steadfast dedication never to do anything to violate the trust of this person okay that's important but then what about the positive stuff what about that devotion to do anything that would bring this person closer to me okay it has to be both has to do both but there's also mitzvah so once you do novera then it leads to another one and then you kind of disconnect anyway so it's hard to go back like practically you're saying if you're stuck in a cycle and a vicious cycle yeah well this is a cycle breaker okay let's continue going over creates so anything where the it's a heart is coming to you and he's trying to convince you not to waste your energy and not to waste your money negative we want to be able to stand up and conquer him caught of them and that is actually very cutting that's very accessible because she asked me a libra to that to overcome the eight tohora in this and even in greater stakes than this and to do momish the opposite of what the eight sahara is telling you to do that all of this you have to take and take to heart is kalma aid me sure all of this is much easier than dying and being tortured right that's that's the whole argument here it's like you yeah yeah he says uh well let me just continue he says after you said i mean both times mother okay this is the pain of death torture brutal death he would willingly he would lovingly accept it in order to prevent himself from having to be disconnected from hashem for even one moment by bowing down to an idol god forbid so i mean which is harder which is harder to be tortured for not renouncing the god of israel or to wait another hour to have your milk chocolate bar because you had a turkey sandwich five hours ago you got to wait another hour oh it's only rabbinic oh how big of a deal is it but when you look at it from that that binary lens of either or then it becomes like equally as intense the kosher king shiisha is wow now he adds and if in fact there's another element you would do anything to avoid being separate from hashem so how much more so should you give up something to cleave to hashem to be connected to him meaning the affirmative so it's like there's a double argument here you would give up far more just to avoid something negative so how much more so is it easy to give up far less to achieve something positive follow again it's just a logical argument all right the high no yeah when he serves hashem in this manner what happens is and we explain this at length in chapter 23 about the idea of the revelation that occurs when we're in that state of oneness with hashem there's no concealment when we're doing hashem's rats and we're doing his will through the mitzvahs there's a absolute revelation of god's will tonight ain't over nevertheless when hashem's will is in a state of total revelation so nothing can separate nothing can interpose and create an other and other than hashem in other words in the moment that we're totally surrendered to doing hashem's will so our our own otherness becomes subsumed within the oneness and we're we're not just doing god's will we're becoming absolutely unified with him and therefore accordingly what's happening at the moment of this mitzvah the nephilim kiss and the nephs and all of the garments of the soul are all becoming totally united in the absolute sense of unity with hashem the mila and this spiritual unity that's occurring is actually eternal because hashem is above time hashem's will is above time we've mentioned that before about the aveda the separation god forbid existing in the spiritual realms and therefore being timeless now we're explaining in the affirmative that the connection is above time that moment where you have to push past your feelings of inconvenience and do what hashem wants to dig deeper and to do put in an extra five minutes of learning or to give an extra five dollars of stock or whatever it is just to push you beyond um that state of oneness that's achieved by that relatively minor inconvenience is a is an eternal state of oneness so the rate of return is disproportionate it's infinitely greater you're giving up some temporary discomfort or inconvenience and you're gaining eternal connection with hashem okay all right we're getting close to the end of the chapter i'm getting excited the when you're speaking words of title it's not just the the title that you're speaking for that moment it's eternal it's eternal kamisha kosovo keno yucca leila like it says the word of our god will stand forever it doesn't just mean when hashem speaks it also means when hashem speaks through you when you're learning and hashem's words live and exist forever hashem will never replace his religion it doesn't just mean the eternality of jewish law it means the eternal eternality of a moment where a jew is learning jewish law el shalom yes it's true in our embodiment state down here we do experience things as limited to time but he says it's only that moment that he's actually learning tata or doing that mitzvah yes that's true down here we experience one moment and then another moment and one moment can be very different in its character than another moment because after all down here he could be learning tater one moment and then the next moment could happen uh that he does something other than learning tyro and then down here in the physical world he would be separate for that moment you're going to say well hold on a second a second ago he was learning toyota and you said that was eternal yeah it is eternal and now a second later he's learning he's uh learning comic books i don't know and now he's okay let's let's not let's nedupar because for this the convenience of the argument let's just say it's something we all agree is not part of okay he was doing something bad anyways so then he's separate and that's forever guys i'm forbidding any discussion of what because it's a total distraction and not the point and we were doing wonderful holding onto the thread here so i'm not going to get into discussion if you want a discussion of what constitutes an acceptable or unacceptable uh activity for a jew please go back to chapter seven go back to chapter seven okay the point is he was learning toyota for a moment and he was connected eternally the next moment he was doing stuff he's not allowed to do and he was disconnected for that moment eternally well hold on a second how can they both be eternal no that's how that's how it works down here it's one moment at a time up there they're all eternal okay wrap your head around that no okay okay in brackets he says hashem here he defines it what does it mean he's doing something that disconnects him from god something totally idle and meaningless that has no purpose in serving hashem so we all know and again i'm not getting into this but we know this from chapter seven there are mundane activities that can be elevated because they can be used for the sake of serving hashem we're talking about something that's mundane and it's not being used for any higher purpose so that's called disconnection okay we have nevertheless nevertheless we just described he had a moment of connection and they had a moment of disconnection the afking nevertheless if the next minute how many minutes we're talking about three minutes first minute he was connected second he was disconnected third minute yeah he's connected again he goes back to taylor and thrilla he says hashem i'm sorry i'll show you absolutely lasik as potato valley i was able to learn today to that moment i wasted that moment i could have been learning today it wasn't that i was involved in paranosa i wasn't having tea with my wife i could have been learning toyota and i didn't i just chose to check my emails for the 20th time and i knew there was nothing there to look at and he apologized hashem isla hashem forgives him hashem forgives him commandment like the saying of our sages of a person who is mavatal he he neglects to do a positive commandment and then he does juventus he shouldn't budge until the heavens forgive him hashem is forthcoming with his forgiveness that's why in schmidt we say slack lonnu three times a day three shmonasses a day a vein you know why we say slack leno all the time we keep saying it forgive us for specifically for the aveda of bitter tater cause really you have a here of of toyota limited every single second so by the time you get from one feeler to the next villa you already did nobody's saved from that everybody messes up in bethel kamehameha it's like the daily offering in the basement the tommy the daily offering while the tutu meeting the morning and the afternoon they were to uh to atone for the neglect of positive commandments so every every day we're saying forgive us for the sin of omission of neglecting torah study because we know that that's going to happen now interestingly he chimes in here and it's not necessarily so much the point of the chapter so please let's not get distracted although i could build a whole class just on these two lines of tanya right here and i think i have in the past the question arises you're telling me we we programmed into into yiddish kite three daily requests for forgiveness for a sin like at what point does this become premeditated like three times a day we keep saying forgive me for for omitting to study torah so basically you're telling me that's part of your plan now you're planning on doing this sin it's not like oops no you you knew you're gonna have to ask forgiveness again like what's up with that like at some point we have to question your your uh your uh sincerity so listen so listen to what he says here the enzyme this is not considered remember we spoke about earlier in the chapter act of ashu where person relies on chuva as part of his rationalization to get past the the twinge of of of guilt the fear of sin he get he pushes through by telling himself it's okay i'll do chuva later what do they say it's easier to ask for forgiveness afterwards and to ask for permission before right okay so he says yeah it's okay i'll do the sin afterwards i'll do two i'll clean it up afterwards okay we know you're not supposed to do that even though earlier in the chapter he said you could work that out also but the point is you're not supposed to do that and so how come it seems like the sidder is basically doing that the way that our thrillers were written same seems to be embracing that so listen to the very specific parameters of this concept this is not called activa under very specific parameters at the moment of the sin hussein you're relying on consciousness consciously and that's your rationalization that gets you to sin commission is explained elsewhere um okay hold on so let me just explain of course in the back of our minds we know that chuva is an option but unless that was your conscious rationalization at the moment itself where you're fighting you have the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other shoulder which we know is enough for your mama's enough schiller kiss and you're fighting between them you're like no no no oh you know what oh oh you know it just occurred to me i can have my cake and eat it too oh i just figured it out i'll do the aveda another truvillator beautiful so then that's called active oshu and that's a terrible thing you're not allowed to do that and if you do do that god forbid the consequences are what we said earlier ain't speaking but your day allah says chuva it's going to be really hard to detrive and it's understandable by the way why it would be really hard to shuver that if you cheapen the idea of chuva as part of your aveda then it's very hard later for yourself to take chuva seriously ain't categor that's not just some axiom that you know what that means a prosecutor a a defender can a prosecutor can't become a defender right it's it's not just an axiom psychologically it makes a lot of sense like you use this principle as part of your sinful mindset it's very hard for you personally afterwards to sort of separate it again and and to take chiva seriously um so there's a lot of reprogramming that's going to be necessary to even put yourself in a mindset where you're going to be able to do chiva and that's what he says if he pushes and he and he overcomes it what is overcoming overcoming the fact you cheap and truva in your own mind i mean that's the worst thing the worst thing you can do to yourself is to psych yourself out i mean the the the mental advantage or disadvantage is everything so you take chuva and you use it as part of your rationalization to do an aveda you you cheap and true in your own mind it's very hard to come back from and that's why we say if you do that and must speak in the other it's not going to be very easy to move on with life in a healthy way however even in that case like we said earlier in the chapter if he's insistent he could reclaim the the purity of the idea of chova and and duchova okay there's a bunch of questions coming up what feel guilty after yeah done something on purpose right exactly you said it much more simply than i'm saying the same thing yeah it's hard to feel guilty when you did something on purpose right right right it's hard to own it it's like all right i'm okay with it right because because i was okay with it right if at the time i was doing it i already had second thoughts and i was just weak so it's easier afterwards you know i felt funny about this even at the time when i was doing it right so it's easier to chill yeah okay uh let's let's continue just a few lines here we're almost finished uh yovan and now we can understand to wrapping up this string of chapters from 18-25 about what we call the short way the activation of the fight-or-flight mechanism where we become super jew and we will do anything to preserve our connection with hashem and we'll do anything to not lose our connection with hashem and now we understand it's why did mishra tell in mishna tatum that means in devotion say for devotion deuteronomy why did maheshware know tell the generation that was entering into the land of israel lee kris krishna to say shma twice a day the purpose of shema you know is the martyr's prayer how many jews have gone to their deaths saying shema because the proclamation of the oneness of hashem is not just doctrine it's a proclamation of the fact that i will do anything to preserve my oneness with hashem and that even if i have to give up my physical life i will cling to the oneness of hashem so shema is the modest prayer in fact jim kippur i'm sure you're wearing nila we have that practice of saying israel so one of the intentions you're supposed to have in mind during that very intense moment and the ark is open and the the the sort of the climax of the high holidays and of the holy day and we say israel you're supposed to have in mind that you are giving you are surrendering your life to hashem at that moment so why did mr beno as they were going into heir to israel and said i want you to say shema twice a day didn't make sure already tell the jews that hashem had promised that the fear of you will be upon the canaanite nations in other words if they were going in for a suicide mission i understand make sure ben would go have it listen we're about to go in most of us are going to get wiped out okay there's just the suicide mission so i just want you to practice shma because you're going to need to know shema because you're going to get wiped out that i could understand but that wasn't the story make sure bender was telling them have about to go in there to show we're going to rally we're going to do awesome i mean like hashem is on our side really there's going to be no problems and i want you guys to see shema like why are you telling us to say a martyr's prayer when we're about to go in and clean house what's up with that you hear the question yeah allah but rather mushum is but the entire performance of swiss depends on remembering at all times our capacity to give up our lives for the oneness of hashem and that that memory that consciousness should be constantly affixed in our mind day and night never ceasing because with that mentality you can stand up and overcome any resistance of the itsahara at any time in any case as mentioned earlier so mashed urbana was telling them remember shema the martyr's prayer not because you guys are going to get wiped out god forbid but because you're about to enter the land you're going to have to live as jews and living as jews is going to require a constant mentality of being ready to give up everything for hashem not because god forbid you're going to die on the battlefield no but because i need you to be able to get up in the morning and say may the ani in and go downstairs and make brachas and then go dive in and get give them put some money in the pushka and then go davin and i need you to be able to do this stuff which frankly if you don't have constant motivation it's hard to keep it going so what's the motivation the motivation is an awareness that my soul would rather be tortured to death god forbid than to give up connection to hashem so how much more so my soul is totally ready to entail some inconveniences some burdens some tedium some boredom some stress some strain for sure i'll i'll take that on in order to what to have eternal unity with god so shema is the mentality of remembering that what's more precious to me on a visceral level this is very primal this this whole thing this is very the whole that he uses the term teva a lot this primal instinct of the godly soul is wanting to preserve the connection to hashem at all costs and in that everything else can be can be rationalized which is funny because it's like the opposite of the normal rationalization where we want something we want so we rationalize that our connection to hashem is it'll be okay even though we know it's not okay this is the opposite this is i i want to preserve my connection to hashem at all costs and because that's non-negotiable then everything else can be rationalized like oh it's going to cost more money it's okay oh it's gonna make you tired it's okay it's gonna be hard it's gonna be boring it's gonna be whatever it's okay i can deal with that i could deal with that i could figure out can just losing my connection to hashem for a second i cannot i don't know that i'm not going to be able to figure out that i can't deal with that's absolute okay so that's the end of 25 huh did we have an answer you didn't get the answer when we said it i missed that because i went too fast why do we say slack one or three times a day why is it not like it's a premeditated right because he said it's only act of ashuf if that is your conscious rationalization at the moment that you do the thing you're not supposed to do but here it's something that happens sort of automatically it happens by default it wasn't that we were using that rationalization at the moment to make ourselves more comfortable with the sin just the reality we know it's going to happen but that's a more vague thing it's like i know by the way in igera sachiva and people ask this question a lot about how yom kippur works why do you say alhat wait you hypocrite you said last year so he says it says he says a similar thing about this in in higher situation yeah i know in the back of my mind that there is such a thing as jim kipper but that's not the same as at the moment i'm about to do an evader i say to myself oh jane kipper will take care of this and therefore i can convince myself to do this aveda that's a real act of ashu but just the fact that you know somewhere in your background of your mind and it's programmed into yiddish kite that we have these opportunities to wipe the slate clean that's not called akhtavoshu okay all right awesome