Text-Based Tanya Class—Week #25

so yeah we had a week off last week so let's uh refresh our memories we are in chapter 14. very good and we're continuing discussing the banany we began discussing the beneath chapter 12. and we're continuing to discuss the benny 12 13 and 14 and even 15 is still about debating yeah yeah say for sure baiting him and that's what the book's about we waited a long time waited a long time to get here um yeah we in chapter one we brought up the idea that there's sadik rasha benini and we didn't really find out what they were until chapter 10 we explained what the sadhik is in chapter 11 we explained what the russia is in chapter 12 we explained what the banning is we started explaining what the beginning is there's another question from chapter one that was left over that's going to get answered in this chapter hashem will learn today but do you remember from chapter one where we asked one of the questions we asked was how come i of job said to hashem not in the book of job but in agatha in bova basra in the gemada he says rabbenish hashem a master of the world you created sadhikam you created the and one of the questions we asked was well hold on is anyone created in other words destined to be by dint of their very creation either tsadek or russia aren't sadiq and russia the product of free choice and uh we didn't resolve that well we didn't we didn't what do you mean we didn't we didn't uh answer the question yet no no but we will today we will today and anyway what we were talking about we're talking about the fact that at sadik not only he doesn't do things that are not not mitzvahs but he doesn't even want to do things that are not mitzvahs in fact the whole concept of doing things that are not mitzvahs turns him off he finds it unappealing and that's not something you can just will yourself into you can't just decide well i want to be turned off by anything that's not in mitzvah that's not something i have control over and the good news is the better knee the definition of the beta is that he doesn't have to be turned off by things that are not hashem's will he can actually be attracted to things that are not hashem's will as long as he maintains behavioral control sounds familiar everything we're saying yeah okay all right so where where we left off we left off right after we said that he doesn't uh despise that which is not hashem's will not like atsadik who actually despises it cena or filo chalebetaklas either completely or incompletely those are the two levels of tadak that we spoke about in chapter 10 and now let's continue this meaning to despise that which is not hashem's will you can't fake that it's impossible to really do that just at will allah ali they don't hashem the only way that's possible to truly despise that which is not hashem's will is to have an opposite love on a level that's described as love of delights to delight in hashem on a level similar to the delight the souls will have in the world to come in other words what are you saying like this and we spoke about this in chapter 10 if you remember we said that the love of hashem is commensurate it's equally uh or inversely proportionate to the disgust with things that are not hashem's will so he's bringing up that idea again he's saying to really truly say doing something that's not a mitzvah is disgusting to me that only that feeling only sincerely exists within somebody who has an incredibly powerful love of hashem a level of love of hashem that we describe ava battagnugem it's a scriptural phrase from song of songs king solomon is speaking romantically about the love of hashem and the jewish people and he describes that love as a love of delight it's a blissful love so he's saying basically if you're a tsadic and you have this blissful love of hashem which is compared to the blissful love of hashem that the souls in heaven have okay then it's possible that you'll also be legitimately turned off by things that are not mitzvahs but if you don't have that level of blissful love of hashem then don't be shocked if you're not revolted by things that are not mitzvahs maybe you're not revolted by them in fact not only you're not revolted you're you're maybe you're even interested in them and you find them attractive but you know that it's not appropriate so you stop yourself i understand what he's doing here he's distinguishing between the emotional reaction to non-mitzvahs i'm calling it non-mitzvahs because he's not just describing sin sin is like he went all the way to the point of sin no he's not even talking about city he's just talking about non-mitzvas like things that are mundane but they're not being elevated for any particular purpose and they're just being done indulgently to atsadik that's absolutely disgusting but where does that disgust come from it comes from the fact that his love of hashem is so powerful so the two things are like two sides of one coin yeah that is a really smart question how do i know it's a smart question because he answers it in one line from now so if he answers it one line from now he must feel like that's where you should be headed okay so let's the question is where does that love come from like this love we just described that the toddler has this blissful delightful love where does it come from great okay so let's continue okay um regarding this level of love of hashem our sages have described it as being able to taste or preview the delight of the world to come while still in this world they call others not everyone is able to merit that to say the least not everyone could deceive a vedas because that level of delight in hashem is not something that you can go out and attain on your own it's actually a reward that's given to you and then he quotes the words it is a service of a gift or a gift-like service which i give to to well he calls them the the those who serve him but yeah the main point is it's a matana it's a gift so answering your question this crazy high level of love of hashem that we're saying is really only the domain of tsadikin where does it come from it's a gift it's so high it's so lofty you can't generate it on your own it has to be given to you and in the case of santi kim after they've achieved everything that can be achieved everything that's humanly possible to achieve then hashem gifts them with this special level of delight in hashem what's the difference between that the gift of the love of hashem and the gift of even serving hashem even that's a gift to some extent well they're different gifts but it's still a gift everything's a gift the one gift is dependent pain is a gift you're showing off you're showing off you're 100 correct that is i'm that is 100 correct okay can you make yourself that level hold on i i'm i'm impressed with myself as a teacher yes that is called avaraba the level of ava betanugim is synonymous with the level called avaraba which means abundant love and though how do you remember that you're a good teacher i'm i'm really impressed okay yes are synonymous they describe the level which of love which is gifted it's gifted because it has to be gifted because it's not attainable through normal efforts yeah no no no no no not all the levels no no this is a special level of love that is only attained through gift and then naturally when they have that level of love which is called love of the lights then the flip side of that is they will be despised or they will despise anything that's not the service of hashem he doesn't have that that's our point the bananee doesn't have that the banning does not have that level of blissful love of hashem and he doesn't have the commensurate disgust with things that are not for the service of hashem some level oh how okay so that's a good question we haven't spoken right you know you're asking a good question we haven't yet spoken about where to get feelings where to make feelings or how to generate feel we haven't spoken about it all we've spoken about so far is impulse control we said mayak shala talaleif the brain rules the heart and you can sort of just ignore your emotions and even when you want the wrong things you can just force yourself to do the right thing now later in tanya in fact coming up pretty soon we are going to talk about how to generate feelings but right now at this point the where we're saying the whole hiddish the the the news flash about the banony is that at least in theory he doesn't have to even worry about emotions he can bypass the whole thing and just focus on behaviors at this point that's what we're saying later on we're going to talk about how he can also generate feelings but even when he learns how to generate feelings he'll never be able to generate this particular feeling because this particular feeling which is called the love of the lights or avaraba is not something that any human effort can generate okay or like it is explained elsewhere okay here's the answer to the question from chapter one that's why job said but hashem you created sadiq what does that mean you created that sounds like you created people who are destined to beat sadiq well we thought that people have moral free choice which one is it so he explains the isabel like it's brought into kunesaya there are many different types and levels of souls within the jewish people it's not monolithic sydim some are called pious kibadam some are called mighty miss gabriel those are the people who overcome their yatahara maritera the scholars naviem prophets hulu etc righteous ones etc i and trump go look there in the queue the point is there are different types of jews and it comes from different types of souls there are people who were created with the potential to be tsardikim not that they're forced to choose this path because obviously everyone has free choice but there are those who are given the potential to reach this if they make the right choices whereas there are people who do do not have that potential and therefore there's nothing wrong they're not failing when they don't reach that potential because that's just not the track that they're on behaviors we're judged based on our behaviors caps what ability behavioral ability of course not there's no cap to the behavioral ability behavioral perfection is attainable by everyone that's the whole thesis here what's unattainable by everyone is this level of emotion which is unique to the sadiq so when when when eve said or even is almost unattainable for us that's what i mean that's what i mean right that's what i mean but we cannot become a tadic because hashem created people who have that ability then obviously they have to exercise the right choices to cash in on that but if you weren't endowed from the very beginning with that ability which is fine because hashem created all different types like the the kundazaire says then try as you will you're not going to reach that level but that's fine because we're on a different track we're on the behavioral track and we can reach behavioral perfection and we can even choose the right things consistently when we don't feel like it when we do so through impulse control and willpower no i don't love it i'm not going to pretend i love it but i can force myself to do it because i know it's right that's what he's saying here that sadik is this strange bird who actually loves doing the right thing and is revolted by doing the wrong thing yeah yeah that's that's right and that by the way you see the i'm not talking about actual sadiq russia but metaphorically you could use those terms loosely you see with different kids even in one family with different personalities the kids who are naturally more compliant and obedient and it's easy for them to do the right thing and the kids who struggle more um so that's why you should never judge another person that's true too that's true too yeah and one be gifted it's not automatic you have to still be gifted no gifted the emotional connection of that extra love that's all what we're saying is that if someone has that level of love you can know for sure it was given as a gift they didn't earn it themselves because it can't be earned that's what we're saying now i'm more confused because you get that gift you have to have earned it no no you have to do everything you can do and then after you've done what you can do that comes in this gift which is a total bonus it's a bonus you didn't earn it you couldn't earn it when you get the three cherries or something yeah exactly how does it manifest itself right what does it look like he said very clearly what it looks like it look it's a love of delights he walks around in love with god all day and conversely he's disgusted by anything that's not the service of god [Music] okay guys it's not that difficult i thought we're talking about the bananas why are we discussing yeah don't worry about it let's move on okay exactly all right um now we can understand another thing an interesting thing back from chapter one remember when it said in the beginning of chapter one remember tanya gimel de nido the very beginning of tanya chapter one that we learned in the end of chapter three of gamora nida that before the soul comes down to the world mesh be and they say they give him uh an oath they administer an oath and they tell him be exotic and don't be a russian sounds redundant be it sadiq and don't be a russian okay if i'll be a tadik automatically i won't be a russia remember that back from the very first line so now the aldeva says finally in chapter 14 he says now i can sort of understand why that oath is phrased that way be its addict don't be a rusher why say both if i'll be at sadiq then i won't be a russia automatically if i'm being attacked i'm not a russian so he explains the reason that the oath has those two parts is it implies a certain nuance which creates another category that's neither tsadik nor russia in other words namely banini somebody who attempts to be at sadiq because that's the first part of the oath be it's okay i'll try he hits a wall and realizes and by the way when i say he hits a wall that wall is not behavioral because behaviorally he can achieve anything but i'm saying emotionally hits a wall where like i can't get myself to love every mitzvah that i do and i can't get myself to hate every non-mitzvah that i don't do so i hit a certain wall i can't be exotic fine no problem just remember don't be a russia in other words don't give in behaviorally so watch watch how he explains um seemingly it's wondrous it's confusing since he already said since the oath already says be attacked by russia why does it have to say seemingly redundantly don't be a russia allah but rather here's the answer yes not everyone's going to merit to reach the level of tsadik which as we said is an emotional distinction he's not going to be able to reach that emotional level a person doesn't have so much free will about these things free will about behaviors sure but not about emotions so he can't just will himself to do it lesson emis he can't just force himself to truly have delight in hashem and he can't force himself to truly be disgusted by that which is not for the service of hashem he can force himself to do what hashem wants and not do what hashem doesn't want but he can't force himself to love it or hate it to love the stuff hashem wants and to hate the stuff hashem doesn't want he can't force himself well there's the second part of the oath although i'll cope on him so then at least no don't be a russia do you understand how it's faced be a tzadik okay i'll try and then when you realize that you're not going to be a toddick okay so then default to then at least don't be a russia now you're going to ask yourself if that's the point then i had and then i have a new question then just skip the titanic part just say don't be a russia why i say biatic if we know most people are not going to reach that and if that's not who you are you weren't created that way it's it's not a failure if you don't reach it but what you have to aim higher you're saying that intuitively that it makes sense that you know you have to shoot higher than yeah i i saw once a video of victor frankl giving a lecture and he was talking about learning uh how to fly a plane i guess he was an amateur pilot and he was saying that when he was flying the plane he learned that you have to correct for the wind so you actually have to aim far to the extreme away like further you have to over correct because the wind pushes you back and then you end up in the middle so he said that if the human being tries to be a human being he'll be less than human but if he tries to be more than human then maybe he'll be a mensch so that's sort of what it's saying here yeah you have to reach higher than the realistic goal um yes that's part of it and and even more and even more and we're going to find out what does it mean to try to be a tsadik even though we know it's unattainable and i just want to check in with everybody we all understand when we talk about a tsadik that word that title that designation when we use the word sadiq is describing somebody with special what feelings it's not special behaviors because of any has those behaviors we're talking about someone with special feelings so when we talk about sadik or the distinction between sadhak and baini we're speaking purely about emotions okay that's clear all right so let's continue here so he says at least try not to be a rosh because regarding behavior a person does have free will he does have free will lim show birth he can rule over the spirit of lost in his heart the leak he can conquer his inclination and he can manage to do this perfectly so that he'll never give in and be a russia even one second his life in his life whether it's sins of commission that he's avoiding doing the wrong thing i'm sorry whether it's sins of omission or it's uh maybe that's not the right way to say it whether it's avoiding that which you're not allowed to do and whether it's things that you must do veintovelatora and when we say things that you must do that primarily means constant torah study unceasing from torah study the high new talmud of chicken egg coulomb the study of title which is tantamount to all mitzvahs everyone has the ability to behaviorally always do what you're supposed to do and never not do what you're not supposed to do and that's what it means don't be a russia a falpique now nevertheless or ah a however nevertheless he's going to flip back now and say don't forget about the try to be exotic part sorry gum you should set times to attempt to get yourself to despise ra meaning non-mitzva stuff we know that you'll never truly be aligned with that because that's the domain of azadek but you did after all agree to the oath and therefore you have to do your part to try to change your emotions even though we know that you're not going to succeed but you did make an oath so you're going to have to try your best and then when you don't reach the goal then you'll default to the second part of the oath which is at least don't be a rosh i mean meaning at least control your behavior so now he speaks a little bit about how a non-sodic can try to get himself somewhat aligned with some of the tsadik feelings and we said to oversimplify the tsadik feelings here delight in hashem and disgust for anything that is not the service of asha yeah do they know i don't know probably probably i don't know in chapter one it said that uh rabba was a tzadik and he thought he was abandoning me so maybe not i don't know yeah um do they have empathy for for non-sadiq yeah sure i've said this before the only people who will hate you for sinning are the people who are jealous of your sin the people who hate being from and wish they didn't have guilt will hate you for sinning i've said this before sadiq have the most obvious israel sadiq don't hate people for so they sinning have compassion on people who are so now no because that's not the point of this class but i'll i'll just say atsadik azadek is not attracted to sinful stuff he knows it's garbage and he says this guy that's what that's what you're enjoying it's so sad so he has compassion on them he tries to help them but then the guy who says i hate eating healthy i wish i could eat cake all day how dare you eat cake in impunity i hate those people who eat cake because you're jealous you wish you could eat cake then there's a healthy guy says no i don't even want cake it's gross so sad look at that guy's eating cake but his body craves that kind of garbage i wish you were free from that and but that's that's not the point i've said it before i said it i think in chapter 10 when we talked about the tsadi you remember me saying no said it now but we're coming upon something controversial where the altar is going to help us to attempt to have sadiq like pleasure and sadik like disgust albanian regular person attempt that's why i stress the word attempt because it's we're not going to really reach it but he says to set times to try to simulate it so so that you do your best in fulfilling the first part of the oath of biatic even though i know i won't complete it but i should do my best to try to complete it and then when i don't i'll default to the second part of the oath which is behavioral control by not being a russia or not being a russia by maintaining behavioral control okay so he says there are certain ideas that hazal share with us that are meant to help us be turned off by physical pleasures because normally um we're into physical pleasures i mean that's just um if you want to get really you know if you were a materialist and an atheist and a naturalist you would say there's a biological advantage that the species should want to do things that propagate the species like eating and procreating and so we're just given an animalistic desire to do those things but uh if you want to say it in a more spiritual way you could say it like this um we have two souls and the animal soul we learned about in chapter two is concerned with uh self-preservation and uh that aim towards self-preservation sometimes goes to an extreme to the point of self-indulgence and it seeks comfort it seeks pleasure it seeks the easiest most accessible comforts and pleasures meaning bodily stuff because that's just like i said easy it's easy and yeah so procreation and eating eating and procreation i mean you want to sell anything you know those are the things you sell that was like the the those are the triggers of the of the animal eating and procreation those are the two things and uh people seem to really really think those things are really great and be really really into it and excited about it and the sages tell us to step back for a second and get a little bit of objectivity and think about the fact that these things are not so gevaldic even though we understand that the animal soul is wired to be very excited about these things but if you just stop a second and look at it objectively can realize hold on a second this is what i'm getting all excited about this is what's so exciting so our sages give us um advice how to look at these two things eating and procreation um in a way that sort of sobers us up so he says here and i'll read what he says and it's it's it's always taken controversially but i don't think it should be controversial he says ke going for instance khazal you should think about the advice that our sages give i'm just going to read and translate isha a woman james malaya is a vessel full of excrement and the like that's not controversial [Laughter] okay let me unpack this by the way those who can't see i'm explaining this now to a predominantly female audience by the way some misogynist i'm assuming is a misogynist because that's he wrote a comment on the youtube saying why do i always hear women in your class because there are women in the class should they be silent so yes these women sometimes they actually ask questions sometimes they yeah okay so look it says it and it says in lingamoto we don't have to shy away from it we just have to explain it um we all understand what it means to objectify human sexuality and to make it a commodity and i think we also understand for whatever reason i'm not here to figure out why life is the way that it is but uh when the car company wants to sell the car so they have the girl standing next to the car i mean we all know that women are objectified that's just i didn't start it i know i don't agree with it i'm just making a statement that that's okay men are also objectified but disproportionately women are objectified uh he's speaking about i mean the gemara is speaking about this idea where this really crass perspective where a person is looking at a woman in a very reductionist way just in the most materialistic way and the gemara is saying hold on a second this is what's getting you excited this is what's like triggering your animal lust stop a second take a step back and realize if you really want to be reductionist if you really want to take this human being with a mind and a personality and a soul and a life and experiences and reduce them to biological functions then let's go all the way with this let's get real you want to talk about biological functions let's do it and it's not going to be pretty it's not going to be so sanitized this is not your airbrushed version for the uh for the for the for the advertisement you want to get real you want to be reductionist you want to reduce somebody to biological functions okay so that's what kazaal are saying like if you're gonna take that point of view of a human being then let let's let's look at what it really is and look at the next line this is also from the gemara he says they go hand in hand they're the same idea he says also all pleasures of this world specifically he's talking about eating a wise person we'll see what comes of them siphon lyrica they rat willie srima they become compost they become garbage so the same thing like what are you all excited about oh we're gonna go to italy oh what are we gonna do in italy we're gonna eat there's so many restaurants okay so you're gonna spend fifty thousand 000 to fly across the world so you can munch a bunch of dead cells and then put them into a toilet four hours later that's what you're gonna spend because that's what it is that's what you're doing if you i gotta try it first before i put it down like that okay he's saying like this the gemara is saying if you want to start getting excited about physical pleasures like procreation and eating and you want to just focus on the just the the the the the most bare minimal physical things devoid of any content devoid of any deeper meaning okay fine so then let's get real what are you doing what are you talking about when you talk about these mechanical functions of the body if you're not going to flinch you're not going to look away you're going to look at the whole story it's not so i mean it's like we all have this incredible desire to eat it's one of the hardest things in the world to overcome and yet if you picture what food looks like when it's all chewed up in your mouth it's not appetizing it's not appetizing so but why do we get crazy about that okay it for yeah but he also gives us that we should enjoy it right yeah but you have problems enjoying it i don't have a problem enjoying it balance i i think i yeah listen i don't think anyone here is in danger of risking oh i'm gonna do these little meditations from the gemada and i'm gonna lose my animalistic desires for physical bodily pleasure it's you're not in danger okay that's not the danger here what he's saying is the opposite he says go for it go ahead and try you're not gonna succeed that's fine try that's the first part of the oath be at sadiq what's a today i said before attack is a purely emotional designation it's talking about how you feel about serving hashem and not serving your shop so he says try to get yourself to be turned off by things that are just empty physical indulgences try try as hard as you want you'll never totally get there and that's fine because when you fail to totally get there then you'll just go to the second part of the oath and at least control your behaviors does this make sense okay it's not complicated it's all right and then the opposite because we're talking about being turned off by physical stuff what about being turned on by spiritual stuff so the opposite lesson is try as much as you can to get yourself excited about hashem where it actually feels pleasurable to serve asha how are your days buenos medulla meditate as well as you can according to your capacity in the greatness of hashem try to get yourself to appreciate hashem try to get yourself to feel something and of course you're not going to get all the way there we already said that but get yourself a little closer than your default even though you know deep in your soul shalom and that you'll never truly reach that level kind of harsh he says you may imagine demian means an imagination you may imagine once in a while oh i've ridden myself of these desires and then you know you wait a minute later and you're like uh hold on that looks interesting oh okay i thought i was free from this no no for a minute you were for a minute you thought you were alphapique even though you'll never truly despise physical indulgence for its own sake and you'll never truly delight in serving hashem nevertheless huya says you got to do your best you got to do your part like to at least do something toward the first part of the oath of beatsadik which be attack really means if we spell it out be delighted by the service of hashem be turned off by meaningless physical indulgence okay i know i'll never truly get there but i'll do my best and then when i fail i'll go to the second part of the oath don't be at russia which means maintain behavioral control okay all right now after that he says you do your part hashem will do what is good in his eyes what does that mean that's sounds kind of promising like maybe something could happen maybe something could click where i maybe something will happen more than i mean it sort of implies some hope there or you could read it the other way too hashem will do whatever he says is good meaning all right that was nice i'm glad you tried no that's it that's all that's all you're gonna get that's that's as far as you're getting but in a moment he's gonna spell out for us and i don't want you to rely on this but he spells out a possible outcome that could happen for a baneny who did his or her best to reach that emotional level right habituation can become like a second nature so it's not your nature your nature is that you're attracted to physical pleasure and you're not automatically excited about serving hashem but you've simulated these emotions so often that it becomes as if that were your genuine reaction which is worth something it's worth something it's more than a habit because he's saying it'll actually see a habit is purely on a behavioral level he's saying it could actually affect you emotionally to some to some degree fake it till you make it yeah yeah now you are going to totally make it no but fake it till you get closer to it if you accustom yourself to despise ra not just to not do it but to be turned off by it or to tell yourself you're turned off by it yeah spammers then it a little bit will become true a little bit will become true not a lie a little bit uh and if you accustom yourself to delight in hashem by thinking about the greatness of hashem allah from below will come a response a reciprocal response and arousal from above the high volume then maybe maybe just maybe yes the ruach the soul level of ruach you know this nephesh the ruach of atsadek you remember never sure in fact i'm not sure in this this class if we've ever spoken about this i think we've in fact i don't think no i don't think we spoke about it because i think generally we've just been for the sake of tanya it's not so important to distinguish between nefertiti and shama we just use the terms we simplify them but nephesh is the spiritual energy which animates action behavior uh vital functions ruach is the spiritual energy which animates emotions the shama is the spiritual energy which animates intellect these are three levels one higher than the then the previous one you have action emotion cognition nephesh is specifically the soul level connected to i thought there were five levels that well there's three levels which are invested within the soul then there are two two more levels that are so lofty they don't get i mean invested in the body then there are two levels that are so lofty they don't get invested in in the body that's higher and yes they don't get invested in the body yeah um but the level of ruach is a motion so the ruach watzadk means the spiritual energy that belongs to atsadik that gives the sadiq his emotions that can come and impregnate that's the literal translation by means he can become impregnated with that ruach to serve hashem with true joy meaning it's not his joy it's the impregnated sadiq or it's rather that's the rule which impregnated him and gave him sadiq like emotions to serve hashem with true joy you know that there's gilgal dee book and ibur ariza speaks about these things different ways that one soul can come back so one is gilgal reincarnation where a one soul will come back into a new body d book i'm sure you heard you know dybbuk yeah is where one soul who's left its body doesn't want to leave so it grabs somebody else's body in a hostile takeover is impregnation where there's a symbiotic relationship between one soul and another soul so this sadik in a friendly way shares his ruach with this banany and this baini who did his part as best as he could to fulfill the oath be at sadiq meaning he tried as much as he could to have delight in hashem and to be disgusted by that which is not for hashem and he did his part and then and we're not guaranteeing this will happen but he says it could happen the ruach of this will sort of dock itself in this bain knee and give the baby those advantages namely this sadik-like emotion yeah it's positive yeah sure yeah yeah yeah [Laughter] i don't know i don't know these these kinds of things are very uh sure why not yeah for sure yeah okay let's finish up we have two more lines uh one more line says until him sadiq rejoice in hashem and what the al trevor is saying here to really rejoice in hashem that takes a tadic and then in that case this baininy will be able to actually fulfill the part of the oath that says be sadic by this fluke of being impregnated by the ruach of azadek now he will be able to reach that level of beats which means be genuinely delighted by the service of hashem and genuinely repulsed by not serving our shop but even if that doesn't happen even if you don't have that happen to you you still have to do your best to fulfill the first part of the oath try your best he said to think about the fact that bodily physical pleasures are fleeting there's nothing to get so excited about and think about the fact that hashem is great and awesome and he is worthy of being excited about will it move the needle a little bit yes it will will it take you all the way to tonic levels of emotion no we're not expecting that we're not trying for that but at least we'll do our best and then when we we've done our best we go to the second part of the oath at least don't be a russia which means choose the right behaviors that's the end of chapter 14. okay you don't find it that motivating what part of it what's not motivating like keep trying keep trying but you're really not gonna get but it's still a good love you want him to lie to you you want him to lie you know you don't have to be perfect at everything it's okay oh yeah right yeah you just got to be your best self you got to be [Music] okay so is the bonus we were talking about is that different from the evil word yeah that's different that the e-board happens for a bananee the matona happens for tsadik yeah