Ten Minutes of Meaning (Part 88): The Longer You Hold it, the Heavier it Feels - Mesillas Yesharim

good morning berkutov and welcome back to our weekly ten minutes of meaning where we get together to employ the formula of the romka of moshe haim lutz otto repin has been Yair who teaches us the steps to personal perfection the way that we can be the best version of ourselves now we can live our best lives yet and how we can fulfill our greatest potential to the best of our ability I want to thank our dear friends Lennie and Hani grunting I'm looking at you thanks for joining us this morning thank you for your sponsorship for your friendship and memory of Connie's father mr. Aaron Tambor aronia Ben Yitzhak who's Michele Michele of Analia through our learning and through the Grunch teens tremendous generosity leadership and scholarship we are on the 11th chapter of Sheila's charm the panic of the media of Nikias we've talked about the heroes had a live a life of mindfulness to be conscientious and conscious and all that we do could you imagine the world imagine what the world would look like what our relationships would look like what our physical health mental health would look like if we simply actually thought before everything that we said or did imagine if we paused and we were more calculated and strategic and we looked at the outcome of what might be the consequence of result if we gave much more thought to what we say and what we do and where we go and how we do it imagine how much better our lives would be imagine how much better the world would be and yet there seems to be some obstacles some impediment some block that doesn't encourage us to in fact do that but it does the opposite so the first character trait that I'm Kyle taught us and we spent significant time on it you can listen to the old episodes the original episodes of ten minutes of meaning was how to live a life of the heroes of consciousness and mindfulness how to be present and every thought and every act in every speech and then we have Zuri's us because you know what happens there are some people who it's analysis paralysis you know people like this they overthink everything they're so caught up in the world of the heroes of mindfulness and consciousness they say ok it's time to actually do something now say something do something go somewhere set a goal make a resolution achieve something pursue something no we're still in the thinking stage still analyzing still considering 70 thousand years old have been and considering for 70,000 years so you need Cerises after the Rose comes you gotta unleash with alacrity and enthusiasm and energy the pursuit set that goal be sick and tired of the status quo in your life decide today is the first day of the rest of my life I'm not eating like that anymore and I'm not gonna sit around like that anymore and I'm not gonna give in to my anger my impulse my anxiety my envy my arrogance anymore and I'm not going to hurt my relationships or sabotage my success anymore set a goal make a resolution and Zuri's us unleash the best of yourself to go pursue it make a plan and measure it and be able to celebrate the accomplishment of achieving who you could be who you're meant to be and then we got to the media of Nikias the key is that I'm proud has been going through one by one to cleanse ourselves and to decontaminate ourselves from the type of thinking and the behaviors and the attitudes that end up harming us that end up compromising our own lives that end up corrupting our own lives so we've talked about eating habits and profanity in promiscuity and we've talked about all kinds of verbal abuse and we were up to talking about anger we talked about revenge and that is the topic where we find ourselves nickimja and natira the prohibition of taking revenge of getting even the notion I don't get angry I get even it might be heroic and brave in some circles it might be iconic but it's not Jewish it's not a total way of view I don't get angry I get even don't get angry and don't get even again as we said last time that doesn't mean that you don't hold the other person accountable if somebody stole from me if someone damaged me somebody injured me someone harmed me and I have the right to take them to a Basden or in certain circumstance as a secular court and to recover what they've done wrong to me then by all means go do it go to cover it get it back but never take revenge because at the core of revenge is this urge to to carry a grudge to be angry you know what revenge is you know what anger is you're giving someone else free real estate in your mind in your brain they've moved on and you sit around stewing and marinating and proceeding and all you can do is think about how you're gonna get even that person did this to me they said that to me they hurt me in this way you know what I'm gonna get even I'm gonna get revenge I'm gonna put them in their place I'm gonna take them down I'm gonna give them a taste of their own medicine whatever whatever cliche we use to describe it all we're doing is giving that person free real estate in our brain well fish I hate to her look at my TFS I live in the back each time a body a cliff a cozier ocean oh it says he Karan Mahadev are the evil inclination the eighth Sahara in this way in flames the heart and it seeks to keep alive at least some trace a recollection of what happened that's how it works that's how it operates yes Tallahassee Ozzy Karan mu at yamadera commercial Adam so that's what the eight Sahara does it takes something relatively insignificant relatively negligible and it plants it in our mind people who can't remember what they had for breakfast they don't remember their own spouses name people who can't remember really significant dates milestones total concepts in their life but they can give you a spreadsheet of everything anyone every of them right you know we had you over seven times you only had us over five times and we had you over we served you meet when you had us back you serve this chicken we gave you the great seating at our Simpa you put us next to the band we had you this you did that you once said this to me you wants that to me there are people who can't remember anything they don't remember their own name they don't remember anything meaningful but the grudges they bear against everyone their spouse their children their in-laws their friends their acquaintances their colleagues every detail they've got literally a running spreadsheet in their brain empirically Tina shows is a shallow Rahula says la Caucasian a tractor with a house loaded navy saber panty hose so the eight ahora says is you know I remember I remember once I needed to borrow some sugar from the neighbor and the neighbor said nah no sugar for you so now the neighbor needs something from you and you say well I'm not gonna violate revenge by saying no or by reminding you but you know I'm gonna do I'm gonna do with a frown I'm gonna do with a grudge I'm gonna do it with a little bit of a fan of punim I want you to know that I'm lending you the sugar but I want you to know that I haven't forgotten that 17 years ago you didn't lend me the stick of butter the quart of milk Oh in a mikvah rotes ilaha ilallah facultative logo gets a good Oh tears again Messiah high but if I say I'll be fond of or the HR says to you you know it's not nice not help at all but you don't have to help as far as you would have gone for someone else you don't have to do everything you could do for them and even if you're willing to do something for them Louis ah stay on the phone if you don't have to do it to their face allo specialist Cabrera Mobley is alrea and you don't have to reunite or reconcile or be their friend you know don't bear a grudge let it go forgive move on but you can say you know what I'm still not gonna be a friend in my how to Lucia terrible oh yeah the Ibiza have you forgiven and he doesn't appear as a as a enemy it's good enough then gamla sky bear emote it's a horrible cough cough he bogeyed Oh looking very Shona and even if you're willing to reunite with that friendship you're gonna be guarded you gonna be careful not gonna be as loving I'm not gonna be as affectionate I'm not gonna confide as I once did so Dom how's communicating to us that the eight Sahara is conniving the eight Sahara is strategic the eight Sahara what is the eight Sahara it's not some childish immature view like the little devil on one shoulder and a little angel on the old other shoulder the eight Sahara is not some external voice or external influence trying to lead us to the wrong conclusion what is the eight Zara the eight Sahara is our alter ego the HR is the voice inside our own head that doesn't represent the best of who we are the eight Sahar is the one that is not the best version of us so that Lily ate Sahara has this incredible really creative way of thinking it remembers the a chat ov the good inclination the best of us lets things go the best things that vassman moves on the best of us doesn't bear a grudge because you know what the longer you hold it the heavier it becomes I'd love to tell the story I've told it so many times the professor in the front of the classroom who's holding up a beaker of water and turns for the class and says how much does a speaker way so one student says three ounces professor three ounces another student says seven ounces seven Ellis is a pound that I have and the professor looks and he says write write and write so the student is super scientist budding scientist says what do you mean they're all right there's an objective absolute weight to the beaker of water how could they all be right so the professor said you're all right it just depends how long I'm holding it because the longer you hold something the heavier it becomes the longer you hold it the heavier it becomes there's a name for this I forgot if you do workouts you can you know you can do bicep curls or you can you know let's say triceps or whatever and you can just hold the weights there I forgot the fancy name for it and when you hold them there so you're holding five pound weights five pound weights there's nothing big Afra will flex I get all five pound weights yeah you get all five pound weights for how long you do a plank you do a plank for the first four seconds do the plank you say this is no big deal I could do the plank forever 30 seconds into the plank you're vibrating shaking sweating your hearts jumping out of your chest your blood pressures through the roof the longer you hold it they have here it becomes and the same is true with a grudge the same is true with a grudge someone said something insensitive somebody did something insensitive somebody omitted to do something they should have done they didn't follow up they didn't meet you when they said they were gonna meet you they didn't do what they were saying they were gonna take care of they didn't come through and the way they were going when I come through they didn't make you feel good about your sim come for you and your town of mourning they messed up they messed up so do you give the benefit of the doubt do you move on because if you hold on to it and you register it and you calculate it you keep track of it the longer you hold it the heavier it becomes and I promise you that other person has moved on I promise you the other person is not thinking about it I promise you the other person's life hasn't changed iota a bit but the longer you hold on to it the heavier becomes and the more it weighs you down but the eighth Sahara the worst part of us says I don't with some of that figure you get that stupid story about a beaker and don't listen to that idea it's not true you deserve to be treated and honored and respected and therefore you need to hold on to that calculation maintain this spreadsheet back it up save it to the cloud you need to keep the spreadsheet of exactly who harmed you and how they learned you and when they hunt you and what you're going to do to get even the eights are the worst of us says hold on to it and you know what you're not gonna get even but you don't if the loves them and if you gonna love them don't love them the way you used to love them and they're gonna help them only help them a little bit not as far as you could help them behind kokyo to be a meaning re to should be it's a matter of them okay and barter become a classic share cold nickel elbow satori gives us the answer that Tory gives a response the Torah tells us what the answer is via half the Loray aha come o ha love your neighbor like you love yourself that word come oka is that in the homily would say the one who said as in the word Meachem Oaxaca para Oh qumola means love your neighbor because your neighbor is just like you you haven't messed up and you haven't forgotten to give sympathy to someone to wish Mazel Tov to someone you never dropped the ball and didn't follow through on something you said you were gonna do or call the person back after you told them you're gonna call them back you've never dropped the ball in your life the after if I loved the other kammo haha like you means just like you give yourself the benefit of the doubt just like you let yourself let things go just like you don't hold the grudge with yourself but you only see the best in yourself you have to Loretta como ha imagine what a world would look like if we treat others imagine marriage and parenting and friendship and familial life imagine if we let things go when we put them down and we moved on how light we would feel and how peaceful we would be how much better off we would be it's been said I don't know the origin of this quote I think it's a second week in a row I'm telling you a quote I don't of the origin they're holding on to anger holding on to a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die when you hold on to that grudge when you hold on to that anger you're poisoning your soul you're poisoning your serenity you're poisoning your happiness it's like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die the other person you know what the word you ever not talking to somebody and the worst part is they don't know you're not talking to them it's a horrible feeling you don't like going out of your way to be cold and not talk to someone because you're really passively aggressively letting them know that you've been hurt and it's so obnoxious that they don't even realize you're not talking to them it's like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die let it go move on reconcile work it out and bring it up but with the spirit of trying to to figure it out because we have to Loretta komova Camus Hamish says the mushara the other person's like you see yourself and them see the parts of them and you just like you give yourself the benefit of the doubt move on so till you could do with them living with the moon it begins in 15 minutes and all the same channels if you're on YouTube please subscribe to our YouTube channel tonight 9:00 p.m. behind the Bema special guests the king the father of Jewish radio and Jewish podcast the great knock'em Siegel very excited 9 p.m. tonight see everybody back here in 15 minutes have a wonderful day huh of the happy holy