Ten Minutes of Meaning (Part 79): Only By Putting a Fence - Mesillas Yesharim

good morning Boker Tov to all the very happy young lats my ode today we thank hashem for the revealed miracles he has performed for us seeing his guiding hand in this time for 2,000 years we longed for 10 minutes of meaning is sponsored this entire year by Fannie Lennie grim stay in memory of Connie's father our own Ben yitzak mr. Aaron Tambor and we're so grateful to the Grunch teens for that sponsorship and for all that they do we are in Mesilla see Sharon the great room care of moshe haim lutz Otto has been walking us through a formula to actualize in our best selves to living our best lives not only for the people around us who deserve it and not only in the service of God who deserves it but really in our relationship with ourselves to feel the greatest pride to feel the most accomplishment to realize the best version of who we can be it began with Zaheer's caution vigilance consciousness mindfulness he taught us how to be careful with our thought and our speech and our action not simply to grip it and rip it as you would say in the golf world as golf returns to Palm Beach County today but to be able to think strategically to look at the field ahead of us and to plan how will this be reacted to how will this land is this prudent is this wise is this a smart thing to say or to do to be present and thoughtful and all that we do once we've learned that attribute that trait once we've cultivated within ourselves that ability then we turn to the world of Cerises the capacity to act with alacrity and zeal and enthusiasm the ability to bring the best of ourselves in the pursuit of our goal of our resolution of our ambition of our aspiration and then the third area which we're up to now we've been studying which is the attribute to character trait of Nikias cleanliness how to not only overcome the urges within us but how to identify those deficiencies or shortcomings and how to try to eliminate them from our repertoire altogether and so we began with the issue of gazelle honesty and integrity in life and business not cutting corners and not exaggerating not stealing someone else's trust not taking advantage their time not exploiting or extorting not over-promising and under-delivering an area that we all struggle with if not explicitly god forbid we would never steal from one another but nevertheless we're stealing in these more nuanced ways when it comes to time and the like and then he moved over to the area of promiscuity and my sensuousness another area which almost universally mankind men and women may be to different degrees but humankind struggles with the area of sexuality of promiscuity there's an urge there's a drive for some it supersedes other ways of thinking for others it just clouds judgment for others it doesn't play as prominent a role and yet it is something which underlines and if you don't believe it if you don't believe there um how writing this a couple hundred years ago in Padua Italy then look at the Markus marketing industry today you cannot see an advertisement you cannot see a banner on a website you cannot see an ad in a magazine a billboard a subway ride the side of the highway or on television that is not somehow exploiting this draw this drive within humanity that is not somehow associating a product or a service with that attraction or that energy yes there are also a being exists shall arise commercial me me no shellye's nos or Acker of eleven I'm Collier is trying to communicate such an important principle not only in this area which we are so so vulnerable to falling prey to but in every area of vulnerability whatever it is that we're struggling with says that I'm how a rabbis had it right the toda had it right you cannot simply try to eliminate what is the specific negative behavior but you need to draw a fence around it you need to live with a sense of anticipation you need to be ro asno loud you need to look to the future and try to anticipate in what way this won't ice you and what way this will bring you down and what way this will have a negative impact on you how Basel Sharia in any area might be but my seborrhea buddy bore banished me available Mach Sheva whatever medium whether it's physical contact sight speech hearing or even within thought this energy is so pervasive it's so pernicious it with our mind and it clouds our judgment and it gives us the capacity to rationalize almost anything that we need to be aware that it can influence us whether it's in the area of physical contact what we think is insignificant what we think as casual contact could be the beginning of something much more sight what we look at is able to evoke certain thoughts and ideas speech the language we use vulgarity profanity hearing what we hear the types of jokes the types of language the topics or even thought of course the world of thought is something that drives all of humanity the after Avila areas are called elimedia vram is a kernel of Rafah and says that I'm foul let me now bring you examples or evidence let me substantiate that in each of these arenas in each of these areas we are vulnerable we are fragile and again if you don't if you think this is exaggerated or overemphasized or wise Judaism is such a prudish religion why are we so focused on this you simply need to look around at the world in which we're living accusations against Supreme Court justices accusations against current presidential nominees or current presidents accusations against I saw an interview today of a talk show host who had to essentially spontaneously resign on air a significant major news talk show host because of accusations which recently in an interview this week he didn't didn't deny were true this drive clouds the judgment of incredibly accomplished brilliant smart sophisticated men women Republicans Democrats religious atheists it is something which is pervasive and universal and when we're aware of it when we can name it then we can confront it we can manage it we can harness that energy into creativity and to love and to passionate the poetry into bonding and if we don't understand it name it and we don't regulate it and we don't have rules to draw fences around it then god forbid it leads to a a me-too movement it leads to god forbid the violation of boundaries that hurt people and hurt those who are doing it but my son the area of physical touch I know honey gay people field sacredness Marla miles Marsh is a kind of answer Lara says that I'm high when it comes to how with seems to be a casual or insignificant touch can spiral or lead to much more we already discussed that we don't need to elaborate berea our music on LaRocca but what about when it comes to sense of sight so the Brava says the oddly habla you not get around go to puss ik and mish lie from hand to hand the evil will not be cleanse car Mart's a mouse model yeah de cadena is stackable oh yeah knock and Madinah shall gadem if the reason you're interacting with somebody the opposite gender someone whom you're attracted to is in order to be able to look in order to be able to gaze in order to be able to observe in order to be able to fantasize then no you're not gonna Medina shall Jahannam so then your downfall is not later when you act on it when you act out on it the downfall was giving in to the urge to look to begin with the UM roadman a man who's really sociable so a dork a para why did the Jews in that generation come on Chavez ask need need atonement finishes on ona a minute irva we know that the mind follows what the eye observes the images that we take in create the longing and the ideas that we that we think about and what we think about pushes us to be able to act and many people who brought about their own fall who sabotage their own success and relationships will tell you how it began and how they knew better and if they had only stopped it before it slid down they could have prevented so much pain in their lives in the lives of those around them emotionally mom on our concept our attention bahut Santosh Rican chef Evelynn la mala she comas taco beds from katana Shelly jockey Loomis taco but Malcolm Hattori's we're not just talking about revealed exposed areas we're talking about a person who gazes we're talking about a person who looks with the intent to think to fantasize again we're not a prudish religion we're smart religion God not only built the world physically but he programmed the world in terms of our psyche our mentality our drive he knows what can raise us up and he knows what can bring us down and therefore he's told us this energy which is a great energy for the world this energy which is what drives the continuity of the world and what pushes particularly men to get married this energy which expresses itself and in passion and poetry is a positive force in the universe but it needs to be harnessed it needs to be channeled and if left unbridled it is destructive and again there are countless examples where we've all seen and so we we emphasize and focus it look at our world look at the divorce rate the promiscuity the infidelity look at the dissolving of relationships because of a violation of boundaries and of trust I personally as a rabbi have seen the pain of a spouse who discovers that that their spouse is acting out on the Internet at best or acting out with others at worst this is a drive that no one is immune to it doesn't matter how smart what you got on the SATs how accomplished what car you drive what's in the bank it doesn't matter how good you look in the mirror it doesn't matter how many my sectors you've finished or how long you should Mona Estrella is we're all vulnerable to it and by knowing that and by naming it then we can confront it and that's Nikias this quality of realizing our best selves is not trying to extinguish that energy within us but it's trying to manage that energy within us so that it can express itself in the most productive way so that's in the area of act of MYSA of contact in the area of what we look at and then it's use of the inion had abhorred in my YCJA when it comes to the conversation we have called my receive commissioner umbrella at smo flirting flirtatious conversation over exposure socially we don't create strict or strong boundaries we're not afraid to interact we operate in the world around us but we have to do so with a mindfulness and an awareness of the dangers that lurk and how to have boundaries in what we do when we live with a consciousness of those boundaries when we respect and honor them that we've put a fence around our behavior so even if an urge or opportunity kicks in or presents itself we are protected but if we think that we're immune and if we think why can't we just live and let live and live freely and let everyone do what they want then we've seen the consequence that that that yields god forbid for any of us so we'll pick up with this next time and we'll move on from this area of promiscuity of trying to conquer that urge and drive not just confront it and overcome it but really manage it and even purge it and we'll move on from the area of we spoke about honesty and integrity to promiscuity and next time how will tell us one of the universal challenges we all confront is the area of our eating and our drive with an eating look at the obesity statistic in America today and that will confirm that we all struggle in this area I have a wonderful day it was one of the universal challenges we all confront is the area of our eating and our drive with an evening