Ten Minutes of Meaning (Part 122): FOMO - Mesillas Yesharim

good morning and boca tov and welcome back to this week's 10 minutes of meeting each week we get together for 10 minutes in order to try to become a better version towards the best version of ourselves and we employ the wonderful formula the magnificent prescription of the ramhara shakhim ludsato who takes us and tracks us through the formula of repencas binyair we begin with zehera's mindfulness conscientiousness to be present in all of our thoughts and our deed in our speech and then we move to the world of zeresis alacrity how to pursue our goals make resolutions and achieve them and then we move to nikeas how to identify the biggest challenges and be able to overcome them and now we've been studying the media of precious how to learn to live without how to not need to indulge every appetite in that very moment i want to thank our generous sponsors of the 10 minutes of meaning series for the year honey and lenny gunstein and your friends in memory of hani's beloved father mr aaron tambor aron ben yitzhak this morning as well i want to thank dear friends roger and lisa gladstone who sponsored commemoration of the earth side of label but mayor yesterday thank you roger and lisa and i hope you are well oh wait okay we continue with perique you dial the 14th chapter of mesilas yasharam and we've been going through this quality the media of precious this notion that we're entitled to live with once we've proven we can live without that we cannot give in to every instinct and urge and appetite even that which is permissible doesn't mean it is healthy or good for us and therefore we need to work out our disciplined muscle we need to be able to express and reflect a level of self-control to be able to be disciplined and sovereign over ourselves an animal has an appetite an instinct and it indulges it it's unable to separate the urge from the action but we human beings we have discipline we have the capacity to manage our time and to manage our appetite and to manage our health and wellness to manage our relationships and our speech to manage all these components of our life and the way that we work out that disciplined muscle the way we improve and grow is through this media this quality of precious abstinence not in the negative sense that we are denying or depriving ourselves abstinence not in the sense of being punitive of punishing but abstinence in the sense of discipline and we continue this so the first thing that we institute we spoke about was this notion of discipline or abstinence in the realm of halacha of jewish law of that which is forbidden but that which is permissible rather but going above and beyond but now we move over to the world of social conduct of interpersonal relationships le fanos abstinence means i know the whole world is on social media i know the whole world has to follow and track and watch and follow and scroll and check out everybody else's life and live vicariously through them but i don't need to i don't have to i'm able to live my life without having to live everyone else's life i'm not condemning those who are employing those tools and there's nothing wrong technically assuming that what you're looking at and reading and participating in meets all the criteria of being permissible so not wholesale rejecting it but there's an addiction there are people who cannot live without their people's own lives and happiness is compromised from the fomo a fear of missing out and from the unavoidable comparison of one's life with what one is seeing elsewhere so in the world of precious that never dreamt when he talked about the notion of when he talked about the social conduct and the interpersonal social construct he never even dreamt of the idea of social media and its attraction and its pull and the importance of being disciplined in our use of it but that i'm here describing that just because something attracts you just because you live vicariously through it just because it's addictive to watch and scroll and follow doesn't mean it's good for you that is really the theme we don't only have forbidden and permissible we don't only have the realm of that which you're not allowed on that which you are allowed because even with that which you're technically allowed doesn't mean you should and doesn't mean it's good over tonight but now that is very quick to caution us that we have to be careful that we cannot go to the opposite extreme in the effort to be disciplined to not need to be the life of the center of every party to not need to be everywhere at all times and in everything that a person has to also avoid the opposite extreme and what is the opposite extreme opposite extreme is to be so avoiding of social conduct of social circumstance of social scenes that you are in fact isolate yourself that's also not good our rabbis tell us the morning subus that a person needs to be me you have to be somebody who's integrated with the rest of the community you have to be somebody who gets along who's beloved who has relationships who draws from the energy of being together of camaraderie learns from a sword upon those who fabricate surnames derives a sword upon the enemies of torah scholars which is a euphemism for the torah scholars themselves who sit in isolation while learning torah even while learning torah a person says you know what i don't go to the basement talking non-corona times i don't go to the study hall it's too noisy it's too loud the too many people i sit at home i love being at home this is a very very relevant during corona the people who say my cabal of shabbos what i discovered in the last year i love davening alone i concentrate i sing it's so much more meaningful it's so much more moving no it's not good isolation is not good yes maybe you'll see an improvement in impact on your kavanah on your intent but what are you losing out on the drawn energy of camaraderie and companionship and togetherness is encouraging us everything in moderation everything the right balance so having to always be everywhere fomo fear of missing out not good for you having to attend to everything and watch everything and participate and everything and scroll on everything and friend everything and follow everything it will consume you and it will rob you of leaving a meaningful life yourself but the opposite extreme of isolating oneself of being shy and introvert and being all alone and saying you know what i just want to be home i'm going to read i'm going to learn i'm going to study i'm going to dive and i don't need to see or want to be with other people is equally also not good one has to find the balance the golden mean one has to be able to at times draw energy of togetherness and at time experience the growth spurt of solitude the reflectiveness of solitude to be contemplative by finding time to also be alone and to think it's the balance between the two so precious the notion of being thoughtful of being able to withdraw of saying even though this is permissible it's not good for me and so i'm going to figure out a way of doing it in moderation one has to be very careful not to go to the opposite extreme uber and it includes limiting a person's speech and refraining from idle conversation and not looking beyond our dalai amos the whole kyoto inanimate we have to habituate ourselves we have to create the pattern we have to develop an instinct that meets this balance that on the one hand we speak we communicate we're social and on the other hand we're careful we don't speak when there's nothing really to say we don't over indulge in connecting when it's a waste of time or when it can lead to negative behavior lola stack to be happy with our four almost to live within my four qubits within my six by six square feet to say this is my territory and i don't have to look and be jealous and i don't have to watch and be envious but this is what was designated this is what is for me and i'm happy with it so these three rules these three elements that he spoke about about the different types of abstinence abstinence from pleasure just because it's permissible doesn't mean you should eat three bags of corn chips of potato chips and a six pack of beer they all have the o.u they're all completely kosher they meet the standards of jewish law and yet it doesn't mean it's good for you number one and number two was bedinim but just because you can find the legal loophole just because you could get away with the bare minimum doesn't mean you shouldn't try to go above and beyond and number three was the social component our interaction our engagement with the world and the social world around us was just because it's available doesn't mean i should be consumed by it and rob me of my own happiness even though i've offered this and provided it and communicated to you in a concise way you see it's complicated there's a lot to think about and the core is be mindful of it don't find yourself having eaten a lot of food even if technically it's kosher but it's not good for you don't find yourself having sat on social media hours are gone you claim you have no time to learn you claim you have no time to read you claim you have no time to exercise you claim you don't have enough time with your spouse or children and yet what would your screen time say about how much time you really have they're complicated questions uh you'll say where does it say it's forbidden where does it say it's forbidden to watch three football games in a row on a sunday with the pre-game and the post game and spend your entire day where does it say it's forbidden technically it's not forbidden but is it good for you is it right or righteous is it the best use of time nothing wrong with recreation with taking some time with enjoying but how much that's why it's complicated says i've offered to you in a concise way but challenging us to be thoughtful and to think about how we want to live our lives and what will be the best version of us the specifics have to be dealt with by each person individually we use our judgment it is subjective in order to try to find out in order to try to identify how do we strike that balance how do we become the best version of ourselves join us in 20 minutes 8 45 for living with emunah as we count down to the holiday of amuna of pesach living with the munna we got a great behind the beam with you tonight at 9 00 pm until next time stay happy stay healthy and stay