Ten Minutes of Meaning (Part 116): Labels and Brands - Mesillas Yesharim

welcome to this episode of ten minutes of meaning to stay up to date subscribe on youtube listen on your favorite podcast player or mobile app or check out rabbit from goldberg.com good morning and welcome to ten minutes of meaning it is wonderful as always to be back together and to starting study music the great work of the ramkhan lutsato who tries to teach us how to become the best version of ourselves beginning with zihir is a life of mindfulness a life of conscientiousness and consciousness a life in which we're present in every speech thought and deed moving over to zeresus alacrity zeal enthusiasm how we can go conquer our day and then nikhias what are the things that will bring us down how can we purge from our repertoire the behaviors the thoughts the attitudes that will undermine and sabotage our success and finally the media of precious we're up to the category of how to lead a life of transcendence how to be able to live without how to practice the ultimate in a sense of discipline i want to thank as always our generous sponsors for the year our dear friends leni and khani grundstein who sponsored in memory of khani's father mr aaron tambour his nisham should have an aliyah if you'd like to sponsor a future class please email lee at brsonline.org leahbsonline.org we're on the media of precious and again ram khal is trying to emphasize emphasizing to us that just because something is permissible just because according to jewish law it's allowed just because according to america law or whatever country you're living in just because the law dictates that it's permissible doesn't mean it's right and doesn't mean it's good for you and doesn't mean it will help you be the best version of yourself that all of us need to be able to live a certain level of of discipline of discipline there's nowhere that it says you can't sleep for 15 hours a day there's nowhere that it says you can't finish a six pack of beer and three bags of potato chips on the couch although those are not good behaviors for a disciplined ben or bas aliyah somebody who's striving who's growing someone who wants to be the best version of themselves who wants to use the most of their day that is not what's going to do it and for example the rabbi said that intimacy in the context of marriage with the right person in the right place at the right time is perfectly permissible i'm numb quite technical of the malik however the rabbi is established we don't observe this anymore but the notion that a man after intimacy becomes about kerry needs to go to the mikvah before he can resume davening or learning and the reason they did that is to add a step when a person would experience intimacy which the torah fully endorses and wants us to derive pleasure and is considered one of the mitzvos of marriage but nevertheless a person needs to be disciplined vishafa bishop every time we're satisfying an appetite we have to be in control we have to understand what we're doing we have to understand the appetite we have to create boundaries and parameters around it and we have to satisfy that appetite in a way which is perfectly permissible in fact i was just speaking to somebody yesterday we have a program next week our shul very proudly is launching into a partnership with a local recovery program in order to create uh relationships between families in our shul in our community and those in recovery it's a very very beautiful plan program we were talking about the 12 step in recovery program they were mentioning that there are two recoveries which are very difficult because when it comes to n a and alcoholics narcotics anonymous so the addict is encouraged to realize that they've never conquered the narcotics addiction they have to manage it for the rest of their life but they can't have narcotics in any measure not even a moderate amount in alcoholics anonymous the alcoholic is taught is a successful recovery from alcoholism is to understand that you can never conquer it you simply manage it and you can't have one drink and you can't enter a bar but a person needs to divorce themselves all together from it gambling the same thing most of the addictions and most of these systems of recovery you cannot indulge whatsoever that's part of the recovery to realize that you can't have it at all but there are two exceptions and they are overeaters anonymous when it comes to food when it comes to food the program the 12-step program can't talk about how to live a life of abstinence a person doesn't divorce themselves all together from it because you need to eat in order to live so it's an altogether different approach you need to learn how can you satisfy an appetite but do so with a sense of discipline with a sense of self-control within certain boundaries within certain parameters and the same is true with essay with sexual addiction if a person is married in the context again of a healthy marriage an appropriate fashion appropriate time appropriate place appropriate person then it is a pleasure which deserves to be experienced and the recovery program shouldn't include it being divorced from it all together but rather it needs to be managed and that's his middle of precious the media precious is what are the areas of our life in which we're not trying to be transcendent or practice abstinence altogether to the jew holiness is not living without holiness is taking and transforming holiness is taking and transforming yesterday we mentioned in the parish here that when yisro arrives and joins the jewish people and you offer sacrifices and they make a big barbecue big barbecue to welcome moshe's father-in-law aaron is there the jewish people are there moshe is there and it says they ate and um he says the judaism is a religion that doesn't distinguish between eating and being before god the greeks that all of religion was philosophy and the abstract and conceptual and in the brain and the power of the intellect couldn't possibly connect the words eating and lythnae looking before god but to us we try to find holiness in the mundane holiness is engaging the physical the material world and imbuing it and embedding it and transforming it and elevating it enriching it with a sense of spirituality with a sense of holiness so whether it's the act of eating or the act of intimacy whether it's sleep whatever physical pleasure there is they're not forbidden to us however we have to be regulated in the way that we experience and encounter them and that's what is saying there's a particular danger in a slippery slope that when you're allowed to have something in moderation how do you make sure that when you engage or indulge it it doesn't increase an appetite that makes you satisfy the appetite in an inappropriate or disproportionate or unhealthy way ever caught yes here has an extraordinary insight an insight that psychology has only started to catch up to now gaza rabbis the gemaran sanhedrin says when it comes to the appetite for intimacy it works paradoxically opposite most appetites most appetites the more that you satisfy them then the less the appetite is you took care of it you indulged it now it's good to go and the more you starve it the hungrier it becomes but when it comes to the sexual appetite when it comes to the appetite for intimacy our rabbis already know the more you indulge it again in an unhealthy way by surfing and looking and watching and doing and acting out the more you indulge it then the hungrier it gets and the more you deprive it then the more satisfied it is paradoxical this appetite it works different again this was the whole basis of freud it works different than all other appetites and therefore it needs a different approach of attitude a different level of governance and regulation than all other appetites there's a notion that even that which is permissible at the right time in the right place one doesn't indulge in absolutely everything because by practicing some modicum of self-restraint by practicing some modicum of discipline by working out that disciplined muscle and preserving that healthy sense of discipline within ourselves then we're able to lead the most disciplined life and as we've said countless times discipline is freedom discipline with money means more money discipline with time means that you have more time discipline with with appetite means you have healthier relationships hamabush and vahaki shoot him clothing and ornaments nissan torah doesn't have a prohibition against beauty or style tara doesn't tell you you can't spend this much money on a watch or jewelry or a dress or custom-made suit tar doesn't tell you nowhere is there a siphon shock nowhere is there a paragraph in the code of jewish law that dictates what kind of car you have to drive elsewhere i am the abandoned city so all we know is you can't mix wool and linen and they need citrus on the corners vascular mataram and if you take care of those details those technicalities then all clothing is technically permissible it's all allowed but who doesn't know that the competitiveness in the area of fashion to replace your closet your wardrobe each time the fashion changes if you can afford it it's one thing but how many people are trying to keep up and they can't afford it and they go into debt and they're convinced to go onto those department store credit cards and they're throwing away perfectly good clothing and replacing it with not good clothing all because they're keeping up with a fashion industry that moves at a pace that's arbitrary and that you can never keep up with and is there arrogance is it all about the label that you're wearing are people indulging in a label over quality beyond what they can afford mavara kennevateva in addition to the sense of jealousy and envy that it creates and the sense of desire i know people that fall asleep picturing watches they want to buy they fall asleep picturing clothing they dream of it becomes actually their their goal they put a picture on their mirror it's what they're working for so if this is what we value and again there's nothing wrong if you can afford it there's nothing wrong with wearing fine things nothing wrong with having nice things but it can't define us it can't be what we crave it can't consume us it can't cloud our judgment so we go into debt or willing to cut corners or we prioritize it over people and over experiences because they're just things so we have to have it in the right in the right priority and and if we're indulging and if it creates envy and jealousy and lust and desire and it consumes us and it clouds our judgment then what are we left with is that a person is adjusting their clothing and always concerned about their garments and grooming their hair in other words if a person is vain the atari says to the vain person i got you you're mine person who's consumed by vanity is going to be skewed in their judgment is going to be undisciplined in other areas of life because they want to satisfy the need to indulge their vein their vanity and so the atar says zeshali this one is mine you know begotten clothing is milashan bogade to rebel in the clothing we wear we can be acting rebelliously if it's immodest clothing we're rebelling against our own sense of of modesty and if it's clothing it's ostentatious then we're rebelling against a sense of humility and if it's clothing that we can't afford then we're rebelling against a sense of having good judgment so clothing says a lot about the man and again there's nothing wrong with having nice clothing there's nothing wrong with enjoying nice clothing but the question is do you have it and enjoy it because it defines you could you not live without it does it cloud judgment does it become who you are does it create a sense of competitiveness and envy among others or is it something that's happenstance isn't happenstance you know among men i can tell you that the ones who want you to know that they have an expensive jacket so when they're at your house and they fold their jacket on the couch over the chair they do it with the label out you need to see the label of what they're wearing and there are other people who just enjoy fine things and they could care less if no one ever knows the label or what they paid or what brand it is it's just a nice thing and they enjoy the finer things in life and there are other people who could care less they buy things that are not fine and they don't care if anyone knows the naval label and i don't care if anyone knows the label and it's the cheapest label around so there's nothing wrong with enjoying the finest things but it can't define us precious is our capacity to live without to prove to ourselves to others and to god that it doesn't define us it's not who we are it's not what we need and that we can live without we'll pick up with this please god next week we continue 8 45 living with emunah come back same make sure to like and subscribe to our youtube channel you'll always be notified when our next classes are happening tonight 9pm we go behind the bema with our congressman ted deutsch and his wife jill for a fascinating apolitical conversation about being a jewish member of the house of representatives it's on 9 pm tonight have a phenomenal day stay happy stay healthy and stay holy