TBC - Day 8 - 'Make a list' - Rabbi Alon Anava | Atzmut.org

[Music] [Applause] [Music] the other day i told you to make a list with four columns remember the things you did what you didn't do what you want to do all that now i want you to make another type of a list which is very very important and i want you to make a list of all the people that you hurt stole cheated slandered anything else that you did to another person that you have to ask for their forgiveness now that list might have three people might have three thousand people the important thing to remember when you make this list is that when you're saying oh you know i wasn't such a good child i have to ask forgiveness for my mother check my father my best friend that's the easy ones who go on the list but then it comes to a person that you answered back you're embarrassed you did something in your mind you think you're right because they did something oh he deserved it who says he deserved it maybe he didn't deserve it maybe you even if he deserved it you embarrassed him in public you talked bad about him you did something you might still need to apologize so the task of the day is you have to make a real authentic list of you have to think about it who who do i owe an apology who do i owe money who do i have to appease one way or another don't forget very soon is yom kippur yom kippur will forgive the sins between me and hashem not between me and you so even regardless to yom kippu a huge part of chuva is to acknowledge who you sin to who you hurt who you did something to and you have to approach like a man and if you're a woman like a man okay so not everybody got the joke but if you're a woman you approach like a woman but you approached the person and you said i have spoken against you i've hurt you i interrupted you while you were teaching i owe you money whatever it is you ask forgiveness because if you didn't yochuvah is light years away so today what you're going to focus on you don't have to make the list within two minutes you can sit on the list for three days but do a thorough list the ones who are easy are fresh in your mind put on the paper but then you have to think maybe maybe oh you know so and so once i did this and that and so and so but be authentic don't come with excuses that person doesn't ex how do you say he's not worth my sorry he doesn't i don't need to apologize to him he started that's what my three-year-old will say he started he took it first then your list is not going to be worth it even if somebody did something bad to you and as a revenge you did something back forget about the bad that they did you focus on the bad you did and if that person deserves an apology you're going to apologize now i'm not saying it's going to be so easy because some people it's going to be very hard to approach them some of them you might not ever find some of them already don't exist in the world they died we're going to learn everything how you do that now first make a list and there's going to be a quantity of people on the list that it's going to be easy to approach them some people that you're never going to find or they died and some people that you you're going to need a lot of courage to go and talk to that person to tell them straight out and of course there's always going to be that exceptions of the some of the people don't miss don't don't open up the pandora box don't wake up with a dead dog or how they say a lying dog whatever they're a sleeping dog some people are part of your chiva leave it as it is don't go now to wake up something and we're going to talk about this all how you do that but for now the task of the day you take a notebook and you start writing down who do you need to say sorry for and for what which means what did you do to different people is that you have to have some type of a list of okay that person i already apologize to this person i paid back that person i appeased the the damage that was done this person was still negotiating but if you're not going to do that how are you going to know who to say sorry for the stuff that you did and if you don't do that what kind of what's it you are it's not i'm not saying it's a simple thing but that's something you need to do and that list by the way if tomorrow and during the shower you remember somebody from 20 years ago then you write it down and if it's in the middle of the night and you suddenly remember so and so oh yeah i remember i once did this and that you wake up and you put it down so yeah you know maybe eighty percent of the least you can do in two or three days and then there's going to be another 20 that you forgot then we're also going to deal with the ones that you completely forgot but now you want to put it down in writing and not yet you don't going to jump now start calling everybody first make the list then we're going to learn how you approach this list in what pace how fast i can tell you already that the ones that are easy you just pick up the phone and you apologize are you sorry or you can do a general story if i ever hurt you if i did something to to to offend you i asked for forgiveness anyways you have to do that in the month of elul so start doing it already now and anyways you have to do that throughout the year later on you're going to have to conti conduct your life that if you hurt somebody the tuba has to be fasted right away you do the the apology not to drag it out if you start dragging things out that's a problem now we're focusing more on the past who i hurt who i owe money who i need to apologize who i need to say sorry who i need to straighten things out sometimes as a person there's about some type of an argument it wasn't settled you see that person every three weeks in the street you're looking at each other but maybe you did something wrong maybe you need to approach the person says listen i know there's something going on between us let's uh iron it out we don't have to be best buddies but i apologize if i did anything i forgive you etc etc let's say you know iron it out we don't need to have any type of friction between us hate animosity and bad feelings as they say bad taste so take a piece of paper start writing down the list you don't have to do it in a minute it can take you a few days but be authentic be true to yourself no ego no arrogance no pride he started first he did first oh he doesn't deserve my apology he has to come to me well that is not gonna work unless you're 100 right and that person really owes you the apology that's a whole different thing now you're focusing on yourself and your truth has to be real because the kardashian who knows everything and you want to make sure that you are cleaning out one name after the other so your chuva at least you say i did my part and we're going to learn what the rambam says how you approach a person how many times you have to approach a person would you need to approach those laws for that in the torah what if you approach a person one time two times three times four times and they don't forgive you now we're all going to learn in the laws of but now you're going to focus on this short or maybe long list [Music] you