Transcript
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Life Story
Story Of One Teshuva
“There is way that looks right
to a man,
but its end is ways of death.”
(Mishlei (Proverbs) 14:12)
Good time of the day, Rav Lev, and I also want
to greet everyone who hears this audio testimony.
At this moment I unfortunately cannot attend the class, but
by Rav Lev’s request, I am writing this testimony to you all.
I'm a little shy, so please don't judge me harshly if I stumble.
This is the story of how I quit my non-kosher
job and what prompted me to do this.
To begin with, in short, I would like to tell you that before
I started to return to faith and do Teshuva (to repent),
I worked in a nightclub.
It doesn't matter what exactly my position was when I worked there,
but my responsibilities included walking around the nightclub,
and of course seeing women and men who, to
put it mildly, didn't dress very modestly,
and naturally they didn't behave very modestly either.
Thoughts began to arise in my mind that perhaps this place was not for me;
how will I ever look into the eyes of HaShem Yitborach (G-d),
after I arrive to heaven after 120 years, and face the heavenly court.
As a result, I decided to quit this job, which was
concurrent with my service in the Israel Defense Forces.
At the end I came up with the idea that
maybe I should get a job as a security guard.
This whole story revolves around this security guard job.
I left the nightclub job for obvious reasons.
The Almighty gave me strength to do so. He gave me confidence;
He Baruch Hashem (thanks to G-d) was the one who enabled me
to make this move. So it happened that I left the nightclub,
but The crux of this story relates more to my subsequent
work in security, where I worked for about 2-3 months.
As I mentioned, I was looking for a kosher job.
I then met an acquaintance, a security guard in a nightclub.
I asked him if he knew of anyone who was looking for
employees, or of an agency looking for new guards.
He responded in the affirmative, gave me a phone number
and explained how to get in touch with a
person who manages security guard jobs.
I contacted him, we talked literally 10-15 minutes, maybe even less,
and he told me: "Yes, of course we will accept you.
You will soon start a training course.
For the time being, you will work in the Forum.”
The Forum, for those who do not know, is
the largest nightclub in all of Israel.
It is also the most popular one.
So at this time, for a believer, a warning
light bulb should have gone off in my head;
but the Yetzer HaRah (Evil Inclination) did not let this happen.
He imposed on me, so to speak, a "spiritual slumber."
I thought that maybe I could reject the
offer; that I would not work in the Forum,
and would instead look for work as a security
guard in a bank or in some other place
where I wouldn't have to look, for the most part, at women.
Since I am a man, I try to do Shmirat Einaim (guarding one’s eyes).
So I agreed to start working. But it turned out that
I was working in the Forum more and more, each weekend.
Of course I did not work on Shabbat, Baruch HaShem;
I informed, in advance, the people who were in charge there
that I am a man of faith, and won’t work on the Shabbat".
Nevertheless, I basically made a Chillul HaShem
(desecration of G-d’s name).
Why a Chillul HaShem?
In my opinion, maybe I'm wrong, maybe not,
it’s because I agreed to work in such a spiritually unclean place.
Why I agreed to work there is very important, because it
will show how much the Yetzer HaRah (Evil Inclination)
can give each of us beautiful illusions and can inflate
our ego, and in that way, pass off impure things as holy.
I decided to work there because I thought that maybe
I would be able to influence some boy or girl
and show him how good it is to be a believer,
the light that there is in the Torah, and show them that HaShem
Yitborach, (G-d) Most High, is the best thing that could happen to us
in our life, in the life of each of us,
in the life of every Jew or non-Jew.
I would tell them that the Torah is the truth of life,
that this Torah is the instruction that the Most High, Yitborach,
himself gave to His people, the people of Israel,
in order for them to carry this truth and the light into the world.
(For all other nations of the world, this would
entail following the 7 commandments of Noah.)
But let’s get into it too deep.
The problem is, that I deceived myself into believing
these arguments of my Yetzer HaRa (Evil Inclination)
and I could not, so to speak separate them from my own thoughts.
He substituted his thoughts for my thoughts and I fell for it.
I had been working there for about 3 months,
and I began to wonder if I had done the right
thing and whether I was thinking correctly.
Besides my other duties in the nightclub,
they also assigned me to guard the entrance to women's restroom.
Naturally this meant that all the girls
in this nightclub would pass through me.
Of course, I tried not to look at them as much as possible,
but because I also had to guard the place from boys
who were sometimes in a state of drunkenness and
were trying to get into the women's restroom,
I had to look at these women in order to determine
who is actually a man and who is actually a woman.
Once, at one of the shifts,
I came to understand from the Most High,
Yitbarach, that I was committing a very big sin,
and that all my efforts to behave modestly, to learn
the Torah, to do Shmirat Einayim,
(to watch one’s eyes)
were all futile; they went nowhere.
All the holiness and blessings that should come from
the Most High, Yitbarach, for my good intentions,
they would instead go to Klipot
(spiritually impure “shells” or blockages, which stem from impure forces).
At this time, the Most High was sending me a
lot of lessons through the Rabbis on YouTube.
They were saying in those YouTube classes:
“Guys, leave your unclean jobs and do not worry,
the Most High will always help if you do it for His Name’s sake;
you will be fine.”
I can demonstrate this by personal example.
After 2 or 3 months at this job,
I began an internal struggle, asking myself:
If were to quit this job, where will I work to support myself?
What will I live on?
How can I help my mom and my sisters?
It so happens that my father does not live with us.
He is alive and well, thank G-d, but he is not in the family.
There are 2 younger sisters in my family, and my mother,
and I am the oldest child.
That is why many responsibilities fall
on me, as the only man in the family.
I was very worried about these things.
Where would I get money?
What would I use to buy food and clothes?
How would I pay my bills?
These concerns would all fall to my mom!
WHAT WOULD I DO?!?!
But in the end, after watching several videos,
especially, the videos of Rabbi Reuven SHLITA,
and the lessons of Rabbi Lev Leib SHLITA,
I decided, Baruch HaShem, that I was leaving this impure job,
come what may!
I fully hope for help from the Most High,
and I don't want to put my hopes on any person,
because if you put your hopes on any person then,
The Most High will deliver you into that person’s hands.
And then... Oy, Chas V'Chalila (G-d forbid), anything can happen.
It’s very hard to rely on people in our times.
I hoped for G-d’s help, and before sending a
message to my employer, I said the following:
“Most High! I'm only doing this in Your name!
I'm doing this in the name of heaven!
You know that I'm very afraid to do it. I'm worried,
but Your teachings are very important to me.
Your ways are very important to me.
Nation of Israel.
If by this action, I can at least slightly
lessen the bad decrees or weaken the sentences that You decided to
unleash on the people of Israel and the whole world, I will do this!
I love You G-d and there is no one but G-d alone!”
I sent messages to the employer, informing them of my departure.
Since I was working for cash, I was worried about
whether they would pay me for my last month working there;
but I said: whatever will be, will be!
If the Most High will want me to get paid, they will pay; if
not, then after all, everything, in the end, is for the best.
This is always true because we don't see the
whole picture, which is only known in heaven.
It is now two months that I haven't been working.
Why? Because I am trying to find a kosher job
where there is no need to cheat and where I will
be able to do Schmirat Einaim (guard my eyes),
where I will be able to observe the Torah
and where I will have places and time to pray.
Baruch HaShem, Baruch HaShem (thank G-d),
there was not a second when I would
feel the lack of money, lack of help,
as the Most High has been helping me,
sending me assistance from different places all this time.
For example, the last company I worked for informed me
that they had underpaid me in the amount of 200 shekels!
It turns out that another company where I worked selling
kartisei ashrai (credit cards) also underpaid me.
In addition, I am now receiving periodic bonuses for the
credit cards I sold, sometimes 50 shekels, sometimes 100.
Baruch HaShem I have money for my basic needs; glory to G-d!
Guys, dear Jews, dear non-Jews,
it doesn't matter who you are,
it doesn't matter from where you are,
it doesn't matter where you are,
it doesn't matter what condition you are in.
Remember! The Most High sees everything, the Most
High hears everything, and He records every action,
if you have doubts, then it's time to stop all doubts!
At this second stop doubting, just tell the Most High:
it's all for Your sake, I'm doing it for You, I love You!
I know that You will repay me, and even if not, You
are doing all this by Your Grace and for my good!
I am more than sure that you will see a huge blessing in your actions,
everything will be fine!
Beezrat HaShem, Most High will help you all,
Most High will give you a good income
at the “right” job, at kosher job!
And basically, this is how my story
of how I left a non-kosher job ends.
All the best, all blessings,
I love everyone
