Stop WORRYING! | Letter #16 of 30 Letters in 30 Days

All right. Welcome to another evening of 30 letters in 30 days. Uh before we start the learning, we're going to give I have the Kabad Pushka app open as usual. Here we go. Okay, now we're going to silence the phone. Silence the phone. Silence. Okay, here we go. Um another letter uh for day 16 and this is from Igris uh Tess volume 9 letter 20 uh Tessy Brooklyn Shalom. This is from the ninth day of the month of 5714 that means the summer of 1954 written to a man in response to your letter from the 17th of year and the one preceding it regarding your sister-in-law, your wife's sister. Your wife's name is Trina, I think, uh, and her shock with the young man dot dot dot, his name is removed. Um, okay. So, let me just explain what's going on here. Somebody wrote to the Reb. Apparently, he wrote two letters. The Reb is responding to the letters. This guy who wrote the letter has a wife. The wife has a sister. Sister just got engaged to a young man. Following. Okay. Guy who wrote the letter has a wife. The wife has a sister. The sister just got engaged. All right. So, regarding those letters, You yourself enumerate all of the virtues in this matter meaning the she got it's a good and nevertheless I sense some worry between the lines. that you're worried they're not going to be able to have the funds to rent an apartment, etc., etc. Okay, so first of all, I want to thank one of the members of our uh 30 letters in 30 days team, Ley Sham. No, not the Levy Shamv that I tal talked about before. um another Ley Shiff. um his nephew uh Ley originally from uh West Bloomfield, Ley Ben Castriel from West Bloomfield uh who is part of our 30 30 letters in 30 days team and he pointed out something to me which I don't know why I didn't catch it because something that I I love about the Debb's letters is the Reb picks up on not just what the person is writing but also what they don't write or what they hint to or what they kind of almost write. So this line here where the says your worry is apparent between the lines meaning the guy didn't explicitly say look I'm worried they're not going to have any money but he hinted to it or somehow conveyed it and you know that the rebba would pick up on it obviously we know that the reb not just okay so I'm not going to I'm not talking even about things like oraclus that is connected to every yid I'm saying even from the level the psychological level that we understand that we can relate to obviously the picks up on things right what's interesting to me though is that the says it that says it that I'm responding to something that you didn't say outright but that it was apparent in between the lines. It was it was implied. And why is that exciting to me? Because, you know, when we learn, one of the things we learn is an is an approach to life. Um, not just what the Reb says, but how the Reb says it. And this idea of being sensitive to the unspoken message to me that's a huge concept to learn from the egress. Um, Ley also pointed out to me another letter that was written to Rabbi Yalis um fryzer Yalis Fryzar Aine I believe Yalis who was a big in Philadelphia and the Reb wrote to him a letter that says um it's known and it's known from the alter that uh there's meaning not just in the black ink on the page, but also the white on the page. And the Rea says, "I'm responding to the white on the page of your letter." Meaning not what he wrote, but what is imbued in the whole letter. So yeah, that's a beautiful concept that obviously we know that when when someone writes to the Reb, the Reb knows a lot more than what the person is revealing obviously. But I'm saying just that the Reb would say that explicitly that when he's reading a letter, he's not just reading, he's not just limiting his understanding of your letter to what you explicitly divulge. He's picking up on other things as well. Anyways, I I thought that was exciting. Um, I found it touching. Uh, found it interesting. I'm sharing it with you. Anyways, it's not the main point of the letter, but I I I I found it gishmach, so I'm sharing it with you. Um, fine. So, you're you're basically you you gave off a little bit of worried energy that I was saying. So now here's that I've been responding to it. Now I'm going to stop before I move on. Before I move on, you've learned uh at least 15 letters if you've been with us this whole time. Uh we did 30 letters in 30 days twice before. So if you did it all the times now, this is we've learned like 75 letters. I think 75 letters is enough letters to know like some of the patterns of egress. Somebody's writing to the saying he's worried. He's worried that a young couple is not going to have enough money. Um, you tell me. Is the ever gonna say to them, "Oh, you're so right. Yeah, that's a problem." Yeah, maybe they should push off the wedding. I'm I'm giving you a softball question because I want to make it easy to answer. But right, so you you know already from the Debb's style that the is not going to um validate the fears. Thea validates people, but the doesn't validate every feeling that somebody is is experiencing. And to the contrary, the lifts us out of those feelings and gives us a a chance to look at things and feel about them in a in a whole new way. So, but I was not going to let this person give in to these fears. So what how do you how do you suppose that I was going to answer that I was going to encourage this letter writer to have a more spiritual view a more faithful view of the whole situation and to rise above these these concerns these material concerns right isn't that what you expect and that's basically what happens and um so I'll I'll reveal more from the from the writer's room to the editor's room whatever you call it so in the 30 letters in 30 days behind the scenes. So I was saying to uh Zman Bendit that ah I wish there were like a kish in this letter like something like a bombshell where you don't find it in any other letter and and basically what the Reb says here is very similar to what you would find in many many other letters and Z made a great point which was that first of all not everybody read hundreds of of letters or thousands of letters. I mean, if people are just starting off learning the Debb's letters, they don't yet know the common themes. So, that's first of all, which is very valid point. But secondly, you know what? Sometimes the deba repeats something a lot. Uh, and it doesn't have to be a bombshell, but what it needs to become is ingrained in our thinking as our perspective. In other words, I I'll put it like this. This is my own way of saying it that the Debb is going to tell this guy not to worry. And you know that and I know that and you could if you've read a few letters from the Reb, you could already predict that the is going to tell him not to worry. But here's the thing. We know that is going to tell him not to worry. And and yet we still worry. So until we stop worrying, until rising above our worries becomes our default instinctive reaction, we need to hear the Abba repeat this lesson again and again and again. And even though the message is a message that is fairly simple and straightforward and you'll find in many many many letters of the Rebea, the Reba repeats it and we need to continue learning it until it becomes our second nature. So that's that. So let let's read on. Um yeah, imagine to yourself this concept. The sages have said that putting together a match a mar a marriage match is as difficult as splitting the sea. She and nevertheless she found the appropriate shik for her. By the way, I could stop there and make a little deal of that. Not just she found a good shik. Who cares? That's not the point. She found the that's appropriate for her, the right one for her. Okay. So, the miracle that is as difficult as splitting of the sea has occurred and your sister-in-law found the right guy for her both in the material sense as well as in the spiritual sense. We'll see that he's a little bit of a young Torah scholar over here. thatever calls it an miracle. If a miracle like that has happened, you're going to worry what's happening with their kitchen and their furniture. I love the juxiposition. The sea just split, man. And you're worrying about kitchens and furniture. Like, can we get some perspective here? So actually maybe that is the bombshell that it's not a bombshell but it's it's a it's a very rich way of framing it that I was not just telling him don't worry that I was saying hold on a second a little perspective you just experienced a miracle your your sister-in-law found the right guy for her okay this is much bigger of a deal and should occupy much more of our consciousness than trivialities like how are they going to money for furniture. Like, does it have to be dealt with? Yeah, it has to be dealt with, but in the scheme of things, that really shouldn't be what is preoccupying you right now. [Music] Okay. I'm sorry. You are her relative. You should be thanking You should be thanking that your sister-in-law found a guy who's god-fearing and he's a he's a scholar like you yourself wrote in your letter and although he's not wealthy so she agreed I'll add to it but with a full heart meaning your sister-in-law knows she didn't marry a rich I like she knows who she married. If only says the Reba, you would continue to report such good news. Like you're worried, but dude, you need to be celebrating. You should be dancing right now. This is awesome news. You should continue to report such good news. Okay. Now, regarding your situation, your personal arrangements. So, I think the letter is shifting now uh from the of the sister-in-law to now this guy's specific situation. Um, here's the deal. It's already I've already spoken about this on the foundation of what we know from our holy rabbis starting from the bal and all the way through and including the furbe that what that the black bile that's the humor the black bile um you know the four humors the black bile the yellow bile the blood the flem so means like melancholy you know I don't want to say depressed because that has clinical uh connotation ations, but like you know sort of like uh melancholy is the is the term. Sadness the already told us about sadness. Um that um and and sadness you got to get them out of the Jewish camp. you know the machnis where the Jews for the 40 years in the wilderness where they encamped. So get it out, get it, get it out of machnis means get it out of Jewish life. Like there's no place among uh the Jewish uh nation. There's no place among Jewish life for for depression. Whoever you're talking about, it doesn't bring any benefit. uh it just to the contrary it brings all type of types of destruction. Now regarding your situation it's such a pity such a pity about your thoughts that are of this type. Um so instead of like wasting your time with these these sad depressing thoughts, you should devote yourself to um the field of education. Sounds like he was already in the field of education. The deb was telling him like get yourself fully into it. Immerse yourself into it. Like stop spending mental energy on your worries. And I don't know what he was worried about. Maybe he was he was worried about his own financial situation. like he was worried about the the sister-in-law's financial situation. But the deba is saying just put that away and immerse yourself in uh the field of of Jewish education. Uh setting aside all the arguments that you have um shalas that are telling you that you shouldn't be doing it maybe because it doesn't pay well or I don't know. I I I can't guess here. Could be that he felt that he wasn't good at it or he had other types of challenges. The point is that is saying please stop with the melancholy and like the self-defeating self-pittitying thoughts and just completely devote yourself to education and in the end you're going to find satisfaction. You're going to you're going to find fulfillment. uh then you're gonna find out that there was no basis for your doubts and your concerns. Hashem should give you success that you that this happens the sooner, you know, all the sooner. In other words, just put yourself into it. You're going to see that it's very fulfilling. And then when that happens, you're going to realize that all of your ruminations from before it was totally misplaced. So like why are you torturing yourself with these negative thoughts? Like just immerse yourself in what you're doing and the sooner the better because you're going to get clarity from just putting yourself into it. Um uh with blessings for success and all the above mentioned uh awaiting good news and all the above [Music] mentioned also regarding your son's health for that as well. uh short letter uh straightforward letter at least seemingly straightforward but so so important as far as the themes of stop worrying, stop wasting your energy with these unnecessary thoughts um you know regarding the the sister-in-law the worry that he had about her that I was saying come on a little perspective you just saw a miracle this is time for positivity you know the the the details will work themselves out regarding his career path. Um you know the rabbis says just stop giving stop feeding these thoughts and just the sooner you immerse yourself in doing you know getting busy and being productive the sooner you're going to get clarity and then you'll realize that it was a waste of time to to have all those worries. So really just very important general uh advice for all of us that's applicable to so many situations. Okay, that's our letter for tonight. We'll see you tomorrow.