Stop Fighting Your Feelings (Do This Instead), Inner Peace Coach Menachem

Welcome everyone to another Wednesday night fundamentals to gain inner peace with your host coach and Bernfeld. The title for tonight holding what's hard and what's good. Being able to see both sides. being able to zoom out and become aware of what's going on because we know for those who have been with us that the negative many times takes over and there's nothing else to see. Everything is just too much. So, um this is what we do Wednesday nights. Let's just for a short period of time to be able to let go from everything. You're busy all day from all the running. I'll let you continue running soon, but just for a few minutes, being able to slow down and just noticing what is being in the present moment, which can be a struggle, but we're learning. Okay. So, let's come into the room and just take a deep breath. Be here. That's it. And notice what's going on around you. Notice where your what they look like, where you're coming from, what you're feeling. And many times the hardest part is to notice what the body feels. What's going on inside of me, take a deep breath and let things be. Usually things slow down automatically, but for many the anxiety kicks in and they don't feel like it's slowing down. And that's part of it. We're not here to change anything. Okay. So, a quick question. Think about something that's been a challenge or something that's been hard maybe today or the past few days and you can write it down. Just have it in front of you. Can have in your mind. Just become aware of something of a challenge. Beautiful. And now let's go all the way to the other side. Think of something that you're looking forward to, something that you're working on. something that you makes you excited. It could be something basic. [snorts] Okay? So, it doesn't have to be perfect. You don't have to come up with big things. It's being able to think, what's something that I'm struggling struggling with? What's something that's hard for me? Notice it. You write it down. And then go all the way to the other side. What's something that I'm enjoying? What's something that's working? Something I'm looking forward to. Two sides of the coin. Beautiful. Okay. Now notice what pulls you more. What takes up more of your mind? What are you busy usually with during the day? And again, we're just noticing. You might say, "I'm busy all day with the things that I'm struggling with." And that's okay. Nothing needs to change. Just notice. Beautiful. Okay. If you feel comfortable, you can let me know in the chat. I do want to test the chat. Last time people um complained that they can't share. The chat is enabled. So, if you can send me a Just send me anything. So, I can see the chat works. Um, I see for some of you it does. So, you might not be able to send the chat to the group, but you can send the chat direct to me. Beautiful. Okay, good. I see. I think more about my challenge, more about my ch. Exactly. Exactly. Okay. So, yeah, pretty normal guys. See, newcomers a little bit worried that what's going to happen tonight. Nothing really happens over here. You can relax, take it easy. We're just becoming aware of things and uh we're doing it together. So, no worries. Beautiful. So hopefully by now you have something that's sitting on your head and then there's something that you're looking forward. There are some people that don't have things they're looking forward and that's something we have to work on because there's always both the cup is half full and half empty. So we have to learn how to see it. Beautiful. Okay. Okay. So, let's take a deep breath and just notice. And now let's notice what you're feeling in this moment when you're listening to my voice. Do you feel a bit calmed down or worried? You're not sure what's supposed to happen? Just notice what comes up and uh practice allowing what's here to be. Don't push, don't change. Just notice and allow. Let it be here. Just let it be. And if you notice you're struggling with something heavy, notice if it's struggling with yourself, notice. We're noticing. We're letting it be. Whatever comes up, whatever you're feeling, and just continue breathing in and out so you can relax. Just sit with it for a few seconds. You might not like it, but it's okay. It's probably with you for a while. So, all we're doing now is just noticing what it is. Beautiful. Now, while you're sitting and noticing whatever comes up, is there anything that you can find maybe that makes you feel good? Maybe something positive. Again, you don't have to change anything, but by expanding, by zooming out, maybe there's something I can enjoy. Maybe the chair I'm sitting on. Being able to see a little bit more than only that one thing that's sitting on your head. Look around the room. Think about your day. Find something that you feel grateful for. And you might be able to see both. something that's a struggle, a challenge, and there is something that I can appreciate. Doesn't have to be something big. It could be something small. And just notice now while you're listening to my voice in this moment, what comes to your mind? Beautiful. Beautiful. And if you feel I'm going too slow, notice that. For some people, it's they love it. So relaxing. And for other people, it's like what's gonna happen? Just notice. It's a skill to sit in the moment, in the present moment, and just notice what comes up and what goes. And we usually try to fix it, to push it, to change it. We don't like it. But we're not doing that tonight. We're just noticing. And hopefully eventually you'll learn that you don't have to do it. Whenever these feelings come up, you never need to change it. When you can allow it to come up, then it can slow down. It can go through you and out instead of holding on tight to it. So notice what comes up and nothing needs to change. The real change is if you can sit with it and not push it away. See it. Something I don't like, something I do like, some gratitude, some challenges. this itself. If you can sit with whatever comes up without distracting yourself, without running away, that's the biggest change. Now, for beginners, this might be hard to do by yourself. So, what I recommend, start slowly, a minute or two, and then continue distracting yourself. That's fine. And then you find some time in your day. You come back to it for a minute or two. Slowly you get used to it and not so scared of what comes up. [snorts] Beautiful. Now let's take a moment. You can share in the chat. Let me know what came up for you. I see some people enjoying it. Some people are having a hard time. It mentally hurts. Just notice what comes up. Notice the thoughts. If something is not comfortable or something hurts, just notice. And we're here together. Hopefully, you're in a safe place. And even if some emotions come up and it's a little bit uncomfortable, nothing is going to happen. You're safe. You're good. [snorts] Notice going back and forth the challenge. Maybe some positives. Last week we discussed just to name the emotion. Name what's coming up. So that makes it easier to notice. And you can let me know in the chat what came up. Having a hard time finding positives. Notice that is thinking about positive a distraction. Great question. Beautiful. reflecting [clears throat] from before Pes. Just notice sometimes it could be funny just the thoughts that come up. We don't always have to do something when these thoughts come up. It's a thought. You don't always have to react and figure it out. Beautiful. Just notice. Okay. So now the question is first of all if positive is a distraction that's a great question and is it a good idea to try to just be positive. So it is important to have some positive moments to be able to see positive. Yes. And it might be a distraction, which is fine, but to only be positive, I think we discussed it in the past. Many times we find people that are always positive and they tell themselves they're positive, which is amazing, but sometimes it could be they're distracting theelves from something. So, you do want to be able to slow down and be honest. If there's something that's not working out and something that bothers you, just see it, but it's painful. Okay, I hear that's true. So, we're learning how to sit with these emotions instead of running away. Question is, why shouldn't I just run away? keep on running because then you can't be in the present moment. You're constantly running and your thoughts are running and it might look like you're productive, but if we can have a talk for a moment, you'll notice that there's something you're running away from and usually it's the emotion. So, we need both. So that's a good awareness just needing both. How do we get rid of the emotional pain? Oh wow, great question. Let's first notice that we don't like it and we want to get rid of it. Short answer is by allowing it to come into your house, welcome it in and talk to it for a few minutes. What is it? What's that emotional pain? What's going on? Many people um have been pushing it away for years and they for some reason it's still there. So, we're learning not to push anymore. Done. Allow it to be. And uh it might be hard and for some people depression comes up. You're saying it's not going to change. All my life I've been looking forward for this to get better. And that's the only reason I'm still pushing and still fighting because I believe one day it's going to get better. And now you telling me that it's not. It's going to stay the same. I should allow it to be. Let go. So first I want to just have space for that. Many people are holding on to that, holding on to what they're used to. And it's hard to stop, to take a deep breath, to relax, and come into this present moment. Notice what comes up. And we're stopping to fight ourselves, to fight what's going on. So the concept is don't deny something that you don't like. Don't deny something that's hard. Let it be there. and without getting stuck, without being so connected to it, without that controlling your day. Because if you're running away from it, then that's what's controlling your day. And that's pushing you to do and do and do and do nonstop. So, who is in control? Who's in the driver's seat? It's that thing that you don't want to look at. But if we can learn to sit down, turn around, and face it. It might be hard, but wait a second. What's bothering me? What's not working out? What has been like this for so long and I just can't I can't take it and look at it. Say, "Wow." Just notice all the thoughts. you can gently allow yourself to look at it so that you can expand and then see maybe what else what else is around you and then slowly you can say wait a second hey it's sunny outside yes while I'm sitting in this my mind is so occupied with what I what's bothering me but in this present moment I can still find some some things to enjoy and again there's always there's always both. Nobody's life is perfect. We all have something. We are something we can catch about. But we're not looking to catch. We're looking to notice. Just notice. So if you can notice this side, you can notice that. So let's go back to what's that thing that you came up in the beginning? Something that's the challenge and just sit with it for a moment. And then what's that thing that you're looking forward, something that you're working on, something that you're excited about? Being in the present moment, noticing these things, both side of the coin. That's what we're looking for. >> Beautiful. Okay. So notice where you are now, what you're feeling, and what came up. What came up the past 15 minutes? And you can share in the chat. Being told again and again, not necessarily only learned from childhood. What does that make you feel when you hear that over and over? Just notice what it makes you feel. Does it help you or not? Again, we're not here to change anything. We want to notice what's going on. And if you're being told again and again, notice that having a hard time with myself. H I wonder what's going on. But if we can sit with that for a minute or two, it might be too hard for too long, but just a minute or two. Beautiful. Low self-esteem, insecure sense of how how I fit in the communities, groups. Beautiful. Just notice that. Notice that those are the things that are holding you back, things that are making you play small. Just notice. And again, it's a thought. We don't always have to take that thought and live with it. We can look at it and say, "Wow, what else is going on?" I realize that I focus too much on the negative and I don't appreciate the positive in my life. Beautiful. That's the goal for tonight. First of all, to notice. So, you're noticing. But once we can slow down and notice that the negative takes over, it's only after you slow down and notice that you could say, "Wait, what else is going on? Maybe there's something that I can enjoy." But if you're constantly running, then it's you're not allowing yourself to enjoy what's going on in the moment. confusion in being. Wow. Could you tell me more? So yeah, for many people when they slow down be in before they they do this practice, it can be very heavy. It might be the first time and all this heaviness comes into the room into the moment and you're thinking, "I can't. I just can't. There's a reason why I'm running away." That's true. So, let's do it slowly, gentle with compassion. And uh again, you don't have to do it for too long. Okay. Okay. So, let's end with a simple practice. Just being able to slow down, being able to reset, to notice. So, step number one is just to take a deep breath. Obviously, when you're aware, you might be aware you're running, aware, there's a lot going on, overwhelmed. Just deep breath and pause. Stop for a moment. Sit. Put down. Put everything down for just a moment. Pause. And take a deep breath. Beautiful. Just notice what's going on. Is it in your mind? In your body? Notice what comes up. Then you can acknowledge it. Say, "Wow, I see you. This is so hard. Wow." And then you can ask, "What else is also true in this moment? What else?" You might think it's only that, but if you can acknowledge it and then zoom out and say, "What else? What else is here now?" Maybe something that I could maybe something else. It's all in the present moment. It's all there. The ups and the downs, the challenges and gratitudes. We can slowly find some gratitude in the present moment. But again, the goal is not to change, not to fix, just to notice. Because by noticing and being in the moment, you will automatically eventually see a a bigger picture. As of now, we might see tunnel vision. Just one thing in my life. If I slow down, all I see is this this challenge that's bothering me already for weeks. That's all that I see. And you might say, don't make me slow down because that's all I'm going to see. I don't want to see that. But eventually if you can slow down and just notice the heaviness and that's all that's going on. Slowly you can see some light around it maybe behind it. There's something else going on. It can't be that's the only thing in your life. There's much more going on. Zoom out and look around. Okay, beautiful. So, thank you very much. We have a minute or two for questions. You can put in the chat. You can raise your hand. Um, let me know what came up. I really appreciate it. Very good. Thank you. Thank you for the feedback. And like I always say, don't wait for next Wednesday night. Find some time in your day where you can do this with yourself. sit down and talk just like I talk. Okay, what's going on, just become aware. And uh thank you for those who sent me feedback and I'm very impressed. Somebody mentioned they went to two meetings and all they did was notice and it helped them just walk in. It could be they weren't in the best mood, but just by noticing, being there, they were able to show up and that's beautiful. Keep it up. Thank you. Thank you for the feedback. You're all welcome to send me feedback coachmail.com. Any questions that come up, reach out. And uh that's it. Thank you very much. Thank you for joining tonight and I'll see you next Wednesday night. Please find some time for yourself. Time that you deserve. Yes, we all deserve it. It's okay to take some time off to slow down and to slowly learn how to be in the present moment with all that comes up. Have a good night and I'll see you next week.