Stop Blaming Circumstances | Letter #3 of Thirty Letters in Thirty Days 5786

We are live. Baruch Hashem. 30 letters in 30 days class number three. Yes, it is Purim. A freilichen Purim to all. Baruch Hashem. 30 letters in 30 days, we don't miss. We don't miss a night. I know it's Purim, but uh we got to learn. [snorts] So uh thank you for joining me on this busy evening. We're going to in Yeah, yeah, we're going to have a sheer tomorrow night as well. Yeah, that's correct. Um let us jump into the letter. By the way, um where's the text? If you're watching on YouTube live, go into the description and click on the link that says, "Here's the PDF." Click on that link and pull up that PDF. If you're at soulwords.org/ letters 5786, then also you can click on the little symbol that says PDF right here. If you're listening to a replay on Spotify or Apple Podcasts or some other podcast platform, I'm not sure what to tell you. I don't I don't know how to tell you to see the PDF. But you can't have everything in life. All right. Well, maybe you can. I don't know. All right. >> [sighs] >> Um you know what? Before we actually jump into tonight's letter, I want to show you something. And it ties in with tonight's letter. And that is there's this uh this book. >> [clears throat] >> No, I'm not selling the book. I mean, you could buy it. I don't care. You can go on Amazon and buy it. Called Am Letters, volume one, and then there's a Am Letters, volume two. It's a anthology of a bunch of the columns that I wrote for the Ami magazine advice column. So, uh I wrote a forward for both volumes. It's the same forward in both volumes. I just want to read part of it to you. Um just part of it, not the whole thing. As for my lack of experience in writing in the genre, I decided to emulate as best as I could the style of the thousands of published letters of my rabble rabble chatter who say yoga in LA no printed in the collection known as egress kodesh. I'm explaining like how I started writing an advice column even though I didn't really know what an advice column was. So, I said I just decided to imitate egress style. These letters have been a personal treasure to me in my own life and so I was excited when I realized I might have the have an opportunity to share with others some of what these letters have taught me. Indeed, all of the elements that have made this column so popular by Hashem are borrowed directly from egress. These come to mind as some of the more obvious ones. Always validate the person to whom you are speaking even and especially when you don't agree with what with what they're saying. People don't care what you know until they know that you care. Be positive. Don't let a person's problem define them. People are good and want to do the right thing. Always encourage. Momentum is powerful. Find what people are doing right, label it, praise it, and ask them to do it more. There are no set rules when it comes to people. Every human being is different. The same question from two people can require two very different answers. Don't answer the question, answer the questioner. And most importantly, look for the answer in the question. People have answers already, listen and they will share with you the clarity they seek. Okay. So, I'm sharing that with you because yeah, that's one of the things I that I wrote there that the the question has the answer or sometimes the way I say it is the problem has the solution. And I firmly believe that and I see that all the time in the Rebbe style of helping people gain clarity. But people often ask like, "Well, what's the example? How can you What do you mean? How How do you How do you see that?" Okay. So, it's on every other page of Igros, but tonight is a great example of it. So, keep that in mind that one of the things I've noticed about the Rebbe style in guiding people is that the problem is the solution or the problem contains the solution. In other words, let me just explain it before we see a living example of it. >> [gasps] >> The way some people look at it is a problem needs a solution. Meaning, here's the problem, here's the solution. You You bring the solution to the problem and now, bye problem, you got rid of the problem. Beautiful. Okay. But what I see the Rebbe doing very often is And by the way, this isn't just in the Igros where the Rebbe is doing this with people's real life issues, but you'll see it in the Rebbe's daily halacha, the style of the Rebbe's learning, even when it's not practical stuff, but it's more like conceptual, that the question contains the answer. In fact, the bigger the question, the more complicated and and confusing the question, the more clarity it eventually releases. Um so, that's just a general thing. I know you know that I've said many times how that that that's why the if there's a Machlokes Bavli and Yerushalmi, we'll pasken like the Bavli even though Yerushalmi is tateh shaiter tzei ro. Because the Bavli style has more confusion. It has more twists and turns. Uh but because of that, because it goes deeper into the question than the power of the answer is that much more um more clear. Yeah. So, that we are we're not we're not afraid of questions. We're not afraid of problems. We we we we look at the problem to indicate what the solution already is. To reveal a solution that's already there, but it's hidden in the form of a problem. Okay, I'm saying a lot of stuff that is going to sound like a bunch of word salad poetry um if I don't show you a real example of it. So, let's learn the actual letter from tonight. >> [snorts] >> And I think you'll see a great example of it. Okay. Baruch Hashem Daled Marcheshvan Tavshin Tet Zayin Brooklyn Shalom Uvracha. We're still in I mean the whole time the whole 30 days we're going to be in Chelek Gimmel base of Igros um volume 12 of Igros which is from the same basic uh year which is Tash uh Tavshin Tet Zayin the uh last few months of 1955 and then uh 1956. So, this is Marcheshvan last night's letter also was from Marcheshvan meaning it's right after the high holiday season is over. Uh that I was writing to a man which is apparent from the salutation Shalom Uvracha Masha Kosev. Now, there's a dot dot dot there's an ellipsis there. It's missing something. Usually something that was highly personal would be edited out. So, whatever was There's something that was uh redacted. Um I don't know what it was, but something was redacted. Sha ain't like to deny. Very equals show base for whom. Regarding what you write that you don't have free time and you don't have mental focus. So, the person's writing to the Rebbe and saying he has a problem. What's his problem? I don't have time and I don't have uh the ability to concentrate. Um Now, why would he be complaining about that? I don't know if the Rebbe told him that he should be focusing and concentrating on certain things that are an aspect of a video session, you know, especially in uh the way that proceed them serve a sham, there's a concept of your spina nose of meditating on >> [snorts] >> deep concepts and then meditating on not just general concepts of the greatness of God, but concepts as they are elucidated in this. I don't know if that's the context if the Rebbe told him to think about that kinds of stuff. Um or if it was just uh more of a general thing about thinking about productive or good things. But, the the complaint that the letter writer makes is I don't have time and I don't have the ability to concentrate. So, that's why, you know, I can't I can't do that. How do I was a bossy? That's what I'm talking about. That's all right. That's my very colloquial translation of how do I was a bossy. Uh how do we translate it in the PDF? It is precisely this point that I wish to address. Okay, but in colloquial English, yeah, that's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm saying. >> [laughter] >> You're telling me that you can't concentrate. You don't have time and you can't concentrate. Yeah, that's precisely the point that I'm trying to make. Listen to this. When it comes to things that the nefesh sichlis, the intellectual soul, I'll explain that I'll backtrack in a minute and explain got willing what the nefesh sichlis means. But the intellectual soul, when it comes to things that the intellectual soul grasps, sometime somehow somehow you find the time and the concentration. So evidently you do have time and you do have the capacity to concentrate because you're doing it already. >> [laughter] >> So why would that not be the case regarding things that your godly soul understands? And it is superfluous to elaborate on something that is so self-evident. Okay, you follow that? The solution is in the problem. The guy's complaining, I don't have time to concentrate. I don't have the capacity to concentrate and therefore I'm not thinking about whatever holy things I'm supposed to be thinking about. And the Rebbe says, you just told me Oh, and and apparently the guy said because I'm preoccupied with whatever. So the Rebbe's saying, you just told me preoccupied? You're you're you're distracted, like you're thinking about something else. Things And again, I don't know what it is, but the nefesh sichlis means >> [snorts] >> Okay, basic Tanya, you have nefesh elokis nefesh behemes. Two souls, two kings are fighting over the one city like he talks about in chapter nine of Tanya. >> [gasps] [sighs] >> Godly soul just wants to become one with Hashem. The animal soul is just about self-preservation, me, me, me, whatever's comfortable. Uh then you have the nefesh sichlis, which is sort of the go-between between the nefesh sichlis between the nefesh elokis and nefesh bahamis. The nefesh elokis is completely um selfless, so it has really no interest in anything material, anything temporal, fleeting. It really just wants oneness. And it's ready to give up everything in order to be absorbed in that oneness. The nefesh bahamis is completely the opposite. It only understands things that are concrete, things that are self- uh enhancing. And if it's not that it just can't grasp it. It's completely beyond the pale. The nefesh sichlis is in between the two because nefesh sichlis can grasp abstraction. It can appreciate philosophy and ideas. The nefesh bahamis can't, you know, philosophy, ideas. I If I can't eat it, if I can't chew it and swallow it, like literally, nefesh bahamis can't relate to it. All right. But the nefesh sichlis, it's not holy like the nefesh elokis. Meaning it's not looking for oneness with with Hashem. It can be interested in other things that are you know, lahavdil, things that are not even necessarily holy, but it is appreciative of abstraction. So it likes ideas, it likes concepts. Um abstraction, it's capable of of grasping a abstraction. And therefore it act as sort of like a translator between the godly soul and the animal soul. So the guy says like this, I don't have time and I don't have the capacity to focus my mind on holy thoughts. Why? Because I'm preoccupied right now. My mind is totally focused constantly and totally focused on this other stuff that whatever ideas they were. I don't I don't know what the ideas the nature of these ideas were but apparently things that are more I would say mundane or secular as opposed to holy. Okay. So the devil says, "What? What what what did you just tell me? You can't focus on godly things? You don't have time to focus on godly things because you're constantly totally preoccupied with this mundane stuff?" Well, then right there, that's great news. You just told me that you have the time and the capacity to concentrate cuz YOU'RE DOING IT RIGHT NOW. You're constantly focused on this stuff and your and your and and you you're apparently you have the capacity cuz your head is full of this stuff. Now, first of all, the logic is exquisite. It's so simple and elegant and powerful. That's first of all. And secondly, like I said, it's a beautiful example of the the problem is the answer. Your very complaint is great news. It tells me that not only there is a solution, you have the solution. What great news? It could have been that you would have told me you don't you that you literally do not have the ability to concentrate. That that would be very sad. But you do have the ability to concentrate. You're just concentrating on the wrong stuff. Well, that's a minor detail, right? That that's just a question of focus like direction, where you are where you're aiming your focus. But thank God you have the capacity to focus as evident from the fact that you're preoccupied with this other stuff. But here here's what I want to explain. You might read that and be like, "Okay." Rhetorically, that's very appealing cuz the logic is so, like I said, elegant, simple, elegant logic. But you might kind of say, "But practically, come on. It's not really true because you can't compare the two. It's not the same. Like, yeah, I would love to be able to focus on meditating on the wonders of the Ain Soph. Of course, I would, but I'm preoccupied with whatever whatever this guy was preoccupied with, things that are not so holy. So, practically speaking, how is this even a like a compelling argument? So, I just want to contextualize it and explain something cuz I don't want to say that I'm saying something that I'm not saying. That I'm not being flippant about it and refusing to validate the guy's problem and saying like you know, they call today spiritual bypass. Like, just ignoring it and bypassing it. That's not what the guy was doing. The guy acknowledges that there is the struggle, but but here's here's an important thing to understand. There's a difference between something that's incidental and something that is like a core issue of identity. You understand the difference? Something that's incidental, okay, so that's a detail. We can we can we can tweak details. That that's very fixable. Something that's a core issue of identity, meaning, let's put it in plain English, I am incapable. I'm I am existentially incapable. I am I am constitutionally incapable, right? That's a big issue. That would be a really, really insurmountable issue. So, the Rebbe was saying to him, it's a great thing to know that that's not the case. Meaning, you can't you you can't say you are a person who's incapable of concentrating because, thank God, as evident from what you're reporting to me, you are a person who is capable of concentrating. Happens to be, minor detail, you're concentrating on the wrong stuff. Okay, so we'll fix that. The Rebbe is not pretending that that's not something that needs fixing, but in the scheme of things, that's eminently more fixable than something that's a core issue. You understand? Okay, this is a detail. This is a This is a This is a minor issue. This is just a question of direction and and where you're putting your focus. But, thank God, focus you have. As evident from the fact that you're focused on things that you shouldn't be focused on. Fine, no problem. So, let's just, you know, do the the the the tweak. It's brilliant. I mean, it's just from a from a a logical point of view, it's it's it's enthralling. And then obviously, on a practical level, when you think about how each one of us can apply that method to our own problems, it's so liberating and inspiring. Anyways, I'm excited. Okay. Hope everyone follows what I was saying here. Now, there's there's another part of the letter. It's uh like another issue. Okay. By the way, before I move on to the next part of the letter, I want to do just something I forgot to do at the beginning. Um >> [snorts] >> we're giving gifts of Torah to the Rebbe by studying Torah. We're studying the Igros Kodesh. Also, there are gifts of tzedakah. We're going to give a little tzedakah. No, this does not count as matanos Levyonim. You have to do that tomorrow. Matanos Levyonim is the day of Purim. But, we're going to give money anyways to the Colel Chabad. See the Colel Chabad Pushka app. You see the little Maybe you can't see it, but I on my phone there's a little image of a Colel Chabad Pushka. Very recognizable iconic Colel Chabad Pushka, you know, with the bright colors. Anyways, okay, we're going to donate. Going to give a little bit more. All right. And you can get the Colel Chabad Pushka app at the App Store. All right. Continuing in the letter. Umash Mash Kosev Aidis Ha See Vice Lehadri Vuya Shalom Bachula Vaste Gevagula. Regarding what you wrote about the lack of harmony among those in your circle. And uh the Rebbe doesn't name what circle we're talking about. So, I don't know if it's a community or if it's a a group or a an organization. I I Maybe it's I I don't know. I can't guess, but there's a lack of shalom. People are not getting along. The Echoyim Ishtana Matzliach Letoyiv Be'im Hoyu Nimtza Ish Achol Hoyu Maydim Bay Chulu Vachulu. And you say that it would be totally different >> [snorts] >> if there were someone who everyone could acknowledge. Meaning to say the guy is saying, "We don't have peace. Everyone is sort of doing their own thing. But, if we had one authority who would command respect, then everyone would sort of get together and combine their efforts. Meaning the guy is sort of lamenting the fact that we don't have that. And if we would have that, then uh the lack of peace issue would be resolved. Okay, what does the Rebbe say? Every single one of us was given his avodah, was given his task, his his job. In the appropriate time, the appropriate place, and in the appropriate matters. And this is a an explicit verse from Koheles. And what's more, it's also one of the foundations of our belief. She that according to the camel is its load. And as it's explained in Chassidus, but it's also understandable through simple human logic. That everyone was given the ability to [snorts] discharge their duty, whatever their individual obligation is. And therefore, you following what the Rebbe is saying? This guy's complaining. The reason we don't get along is because there's not one singular authority that commands respect. And if we were to have that, then it would be totally different. So the Rebbe says like this, listen. The way Hashem runs the world. Oh, by the way, how runs the world, Okay. >> [laughter] >> The way Hashem runs the world, there's a system. Everyone has exactly the task that is appropriate for them. That's all that No one's demanded It's It is not demanded of anyone to do something that is not their job. Everyone is required to do exactly what their capacity can handle. That's what it means according to the camel has load. So, everyone has their job with in the in the in the appropriate time, the appropriate place, in the appropriate matters. Okay. And they were given the capacity. Everyone No No two people have the same job cuz they don't have the same capacities, but everyone was given the the same chance because in accordance with your capacity, that's what's expected from you. Not Not any less and not any more. Okay. So, everyone has been perfectly set up, perfectly poised. I mean, you have free choice. You don't have to do it, but everyone is set up exactly to be able to do their job. All right. The law here The very thought about how it would be different I'll call it in an alternate timeline. >> [laughter] >> You're imagining a theoretical hypothetical reality where things would be different. If only And in this case, the guy is saying, "If only there was this one authority that everyone would respect, then we wouldn't have problems getting along." The Rebbe says, "But that's not the reality. That's not how Hashem created it, is it?" The way Hashem created it is the way that it is right now. >> [laughter] >> Reminds me of the famous story that tell me the Amagid with Fabrengen. And uh they were talking about what if you were Hashem. And Levi Yitzchak of Berditchev said, "If I were Hashem, I would create the world with more Chesed, so the world will be a kinder, gentler place. And Pinchas Koritzer said, "If I were Hashem, I would make the world with more din, with more gevurah, so that the resha'im, the wicked, would not prevail." And the Alter Rebbe said, "And if I were Hashem, I would create the world exactly the way Hashem is creating it right now." >> [laughter] >> So simple, right? Obviously, if I were Hashem, not if Hashem were me. Not if Hashem had to be like me. If I If I could be like I be like Hashem. If I had infinite wisdom, infinite power, infinite uh kindness, what would reality look like at this moment? Apparently, exactly the way that it looks like at this moment, cuz that's the way Hashem with his infinite wisdom, infinite power, infinite kindness is creating the world at this second. So, follow this. You're telling me in an alternate universe how the problems would be fixed, but that's not the reality. Reality is exactly the way it is right now. Wow. Your little uh thought experiment or your theoretical hypothetical is so irrelevant. It's not It's not real. It has no connection to reality. And furthermore, it actually weakens one's ability to take care of things as they are. It's It's taking you away from reality. Instead of addressing the way that the facts on the ground are, you're imagining an alternate reality, which is neither here nor there. It's totally irrelevant, but that's where you're putting your focus. It's actually weakening your ability to take care of things as they are. As we see for ourselves, as we see very clearly. In other words, that I was saying I believe that I was saying that's precisely what's happening here, and you see how that's derailing your efforts. >> [snorts] >> So, it is very clear that even as things are exactly right now, the way that they are, the current status quo. Everyone has the bechina, here bechina doesn't just means that the free will, but it means the capacity to fulfill what the Torah says, I'm putting the choice in front of you. The Rebbe doesn't want to say life and death cuz the Rebbe is so careful about not saying anything that's uh negative, but uh choose life. Choose life, and everyone has the ability to do it. Not in some alternate timeline where life would have been easier, but in this timeline, in the reality that Hashem is creating in front of us, you have the ability. Like I did, and furthermore, since everyone involved is connected to Torah and Chassidus, meaning this is a little clue. I was saying before, I'm not sure what group this the letter writer is referring to when he's saying that there's a lack of peace among the group. Apparently, everyone in the group is connected to not just Chassidus, but Torah and Chassidus, meaning they learn Chassidus. Cuz there could be people who are connected to the ways of Chassidus, more of like a cultural thing, but this is Torah and Chassidus. These are all people who learn the teachings of Chassidus. And the Rebbe the Rebbe qualifies it in a greater or lesser extent, in a in a greater extent or or a lesser extent, meaning not everyone's on the same level, but to some extent everyone here in this group that's not getting along with each other does study Chassidus. The What is Chassidus? The Marsha potato pinyon yosa. It is the luminary of the Torah. The Rebbe says in the letter to the Chasan Kallah we read under the chuppah, Marsha b'Tora, the luminary of the Torah, and the pinyon yosa of the Torah, the inner dimension of the Torah. L'chaim, therefore, since they're all connected to the luminary and the inner the dimension of Torah, l'chaim avaydosum v'nakal yoser, it's much easier for them to do their job. You have that advantage that you have a connection to Chassidus, to Torah Chassidus. V'yiratzim she yivasair b'korov b'soros toivous b'chol am Yisroel, and God willing they will he will uh give me some good news very soon in connection to what's written above, b'vracha, with blessing. Powerful, powerful stuff. Okay, so just to recap, one is a beautiful example of the problem contains the solution. In this case, you're telling me that you don't have the time or the capacity to focus because you're so preoccupied on other things. Oh, good news, you just told me you do have the time and the capacity to focus because you're doing it already. You just got to switch it. And that's not minimizing or dismissing that it does take work to switch it, you know, to flip the switch and to put your focus in the right direction. But the point is that it's not as deep of an issue as if a person were to literally God forbid, there could be a person who literally doesn't have the capacity to focus. And doesn't have time to focus. He hasn't a thought a coherent thought in in in in years. But in this case, the guy's thinking coherent thoughts. He's thinking In fact, he's thinking coherent thoughts all the time. Just not about the subject matter that he should be thinking about. Okay, so that was the first part of the letter. And then the second part, "Don't tell me that you'd be able to do the job that you were sent here for under conditions that are pretend and imaginary." Cuz first of all, it's a distraction from from reality. But also like what does that What does that saying theologically? Hashem Hashem created the conditions under which you are operating right now. And apparently those are the perfect conditions, not easy, but perfect conditions under which everybody can do their job. And everyone's expected to do what they can do. Not more, but certainly not less. So just embrace the reality as it is understanding that that is the situation which was perfectly constructed for you to do your job. Instead of telling me how you'd be doing your job so much better in some pretend fantasy world. Such powerful stuff. I just, you know, yeah. It's It's why I love learning Igrot cuz you get stuff like that. You can take an idea like that, think about it, and it's uh Yeah, it's literally life-changing. We use the term life-changing, you know, pretty loosely nowadays. We throw that term around a lot, but yeah, I had a I had a piece of cake that was life-changing, right? That's what people talk now. But no, an idea like this Now we have to We actually this letter short little letter, we have two ideas like this that are life-changing. If you really think about it, it can alter the way you see everything. Incredibly empowering and clarifying. Okay, a freilichen Purim again and God willing we will see you tomorrow.