The Struggle Is The Struggle - Life Questions with Rabbi W🎥 - Status Island

Hi and welcome to Life Questions with Rabbi W brought to you by the status.com. You can submit a question by emailing me rabbiwasca.org or by messaging the status island at 7187878217. I want to read an email that I got in response to last week's question about addiction. And I'm going to interrupt as I'm reading the email to uh to give the commentary. It's a little bit of a long email. I'm actually not even reading the whole email. Here goes. Hi, Rabbi W. Thank you for your riching classes. You're very welcome. I found it particularly meaningful when you said that people with addictions need to create a deeper relationship with Hashem. So yeah, that's what we said last week that sometimes when you have a challenge, the challenge brings the best out of you. And the challenge was sent to you in order to draw deep meaning a deep meaningful relationship with Hashem out of you. Some other people won't need won't be so desperate to have a meaningful relationship with Hashem, but because of your challenge, you're going to have it. So, she continues, I really get so much series. I appreciate it's both short and meaningful. Thank you. Thank you very much for the compliment. Um, and here's the question. Can you do a class specifically on food addiction, which is so rampant in the firm community? I'm looking for the next steps I could take to help myself move forward with food addiction. So, a lot of people who are watching or listening um are not familiar with food addiction. And I myself, I don't specialize in uh this subject. and I told her by email that I think that she would benefit from more um specific guidance from people who specialize in this. And I I I gave her some contact information of people that she could contact who can help her better. Um, but I'm just going to address this generally as as it applies to the question that she's asking and as it may apply to other people who don't suffer from food addiction but have the same underlying struggle. So, she continues, "Yes, Hashem gave me this addiction from childhood difficulties. I feel like the monkey may sahara is always on my back. It gets worse around shabas and yumpt with all the cooking and serving and being around all the food. There's always another special occasion with special food around the corner that triggers my addiction. I don't want to wish Yumpt and Shabas weren't coming or that they end quickly because it's harder for me with food. And at this point, I want to interject to all the people who are watching or listening who don't understand the struggle of food addiction. Listen to these words. Imagine having such a struggle with food. Being around certain foods can trigger so much such negative feelings within you that you just wish that chabas and yam it it's so enjoyable for everybody else that there's so much good food and for people who have this struggle it's it's so difficult and I want it to end. So she continues I did OA about 30 years ago. I didn't find it helpful at all. One reason was that their suggested food plan was totally unhelpful to me because it's not geared to Orthodox Jewish lifestyle. It's also filled with non-Jews. So, it's not comfortable to sit there. I've done TLC, which is an OA like group for from women for for those who aren't familiar. By the way, OA is overeaters anonymous. It's like Alcoholics Anonymous. But even TLC, which is from for women, she didn't find helpful either. Um, also it was filled with a lot of women like me that kept slipping up and feeling bad about it. It wasn't filled with people who were in long-term recovery, which is very important and is sometimes very difficult for people who are struggling to find help. And they they find a support group, but they don't realize that the support group is actually pulling them down. This person who asked the question felt it. She felt that she's in this group and instead of being helpful, it's pulling her down. So, she she left it. What has what has helped me is the ketogenic diet. I hope I'm pronouncing that correctly. And the carnivore diet, only eating protein and a lot of daily sports from my keto coach. My keto coach describes me as being like a recovering alcoholic that lives in a bar. Imagine being addicted to alcohol and living in a bar with all the cooking and serving that goes on for from Jewish woman like me. Yes, I relate to that. So, I just want to say that about this part of the email, this is where I referred her to people with better expertise because I'm not an expert in OA and in TLC. I don't know what resources are available. I don't know anything about the ketogenic diet or the the carnivore diet. I I I'm it's not I'm I'm not a nutritionist. I don't know about this and I can't really give you any specific advice. you have to go to somebody who who does know better. Any helpful suggestions a class would be so appreciated. Thanks. So it came before to everybody. You're welcome. And then went on some other things. But the what what I want to say here I already said that I'm not the expert and I'm giving it over to expert. But what I do want to say is two points. The first point is more of a practical tip where sometimes which is really not my place again it's you're going to the experts let them help you out. I was just reading it and I was thinking that sometimes you have to think out of the box. It could be that um cooking and serving is very difficult and maybe you have an adult daughter who could take over that part or a daughter-in-law or a sister or a neighbor. It could be that yes for 99% of room women part of their household duties is menu planning and cooking fish and yam but for you you could cross that off. There's no there's nowhere in the where you sign a marriage document that you have to present a shabas yumptive menu and every time you have to cook different things and you have to try different recipes. If this part doesn't work for you, it could be that you sit down with your husband and you could say, "I love you dearly, but food is a tremendous struggle for me." And maybe we could take this off my to-do list and it could be that shabas and yont are going to be completely different once you try that. So again, it could be you try that. I'm not trying to, like I said, the the practical suggestions over here is not my strong point, but it's just something that could be it's so out of the box and nobody thought of of it. A firm woman shouldn't cook for Shabas. Yeah, a firm woman shouldn't cook for Shabas. Who said who said a woman has to cook for Shabas? So, that's that's that's one thing. That's one thing. The other thing that I wanted to address that I feel is really the underlying issue over here is that this person is struggling with the struggle. It says there's always another occasion with special food around the corner. It triggers me. I don't want to wish Yumpt Shabas weren't coming. I don't want to wish that Yumpt Bashabas should end quickly, but I do. And she's struggling with his struggle. And I just want to share that a lot of us struggle with this struggle. I also struggle with this struggle. Everybody has a certain struggle, a certain in life. That's what Hashem puts us in the world for. And it's very hard for us to accept the struggle. There's like a joke over here in the office in the office. Everybody knows that I I'm always saying, you know, when we finish this project, I'm going back to Ko. I had enough of this. I have to sit in the office all day. I'm going back to Kyle and I was thinking about it this morning. I remember I was once sitting with a very very prominent ro a very big ro and he was a shisha also and I was sitting with him and we were discussing something and he was constantly he had a phone call from somebody for information about a shik about somebody and then he had a phone call somebody was trying to raise money for something and he he's constantly getting these phone calls and he's busy and he tells me I wish I could just shut everything down move to Cro, sit in the back of the shoe when nobody knows me and just learn a whole day. And I just wish I could just just just do that. So, of course, he he's struggling with the struggle. Now, his struggle is not food on Shabas. That's not his struggle. His struggle is that he's thereof and he has responsibilities and he would like to just sit and learn. He thinks that Hashem wants from him to sit and learn, but that's not what Hashem wants from him. Hashem wants from him to deal with his life. And I remember also I'm bringing these examples. They're they seem to be so distant, but they're really so the same. When I was a baker, I once went to ask an older shash. He wasn't my shashiva, but I went to ask him uh a question. And I asked him that it says over here like this, and it says in a certain safer like that. And he was an old man, you know, he was in his 70s already. He was older Rashiva. And he tells me and he tells his ber, he says, you know, when I was 30 years old, I knew that safer by heart, the safer that I was quoting him. And when I was 30 years old, I knew the whole shas and the whole by heart. And then my wife got sick. He had he was on a second marriage. His first wife got sick. He had a bunch of little kids at home. And I had to spend weeks in the hospital between caring for my wife and caring for my kids. And I forgot everything. Obviously, he didn't forget everything. He was a big was a big rashiva. But he was complaining to me. He was telling me, you know, when I was 30 years old, I knew I knew so much. I I was learning so well. And then Hashem ruined it. Now, obviously, we understand Hashem didn't ruin it. Hashem charted a path in life for you. Some people are like Raash who can sit and learn 18 hours a day and Raash also had plenty of uh different things that he different responsibilities. Some people have different responsibilities that Hashem puts on their plate. Some people struggle with communal responsibilities. Some people struggle with the responsibility that he's a shashida. Some people struggle with much more mundane and much more seemingly physical um struggles. But whatever it is, we're in life to deal with the struggle. And once we have such a tremendous struggle in life and we accept that and we say, you know what, this is my struggle, Hashem. I know everybody has a different struggle. This is my struggle. Once we accept that this is my struggle, we realize that this is my service of Hashem. So for other people it seems it's so easy. Shabasive it's it's so much fun. It's so and for me shabasive is a struggle. Once I accept that for me shabasive is my struggle, it changes my perspective enough that I can begin working on I can begin struggling because until I accept that this is my struggle. I'm not even ready to begin struggling. I'm so upset at why do I have to deal with this? Come on. This is what I have to deal with. And everybody has this on a different level. Everybody has on a different level something that they have to deal with that they say why why Hashem I I just want to serve you. I want to I want to say to Helen, what this is what you this is what you're giving me. This is what you're putting on my plate. And Hashem looks at you and he says, "Yes. Yes, my son. Yes, my daughter. This is what I'm putting on your plate. And this is what I want you to deal with." And um once we're ready to accept that, it becomes much easier to start dealing with it. And we try to get help. And uh as Hashem I want to wish everybody that we should be able to accept our our spot in life, our place in life and accept our struggles and to work on them to serve Hashem and to become better people. And I get given sure.