Teshuva & Addictions - Life Questions with Rabbi W - Status Island

Hi and welcome to Life Questions with Rabbi W, brought to you by thestatusisrael.com. You can submit a question by emailing me [email protected] or by messaging the Status Israel at 718-787-8217. So, we have a question as follows, how do we deal with teshuvah and selichot and Yom Kippur for people with addictions who know they're going to sin again? For example, drink, gamble, etc. How do you do teshuvah? The Rambam says that Hashem has to testify he won't sin again. But here, everyone knows he'll fall back into it. That was the original email. And then, uh Status Israel advertised this year and I got another message from someone that says as follows. Rabbi, am I even allowed to do teshuvah? Every time I attempt to stop, I end up acting out in worse ways than before. God made this made me this way. What does he expect? How am I supposed to have any sincerity when I know that in one area, I will always be a heretic? So, that's this person's question and obviously these are very serious questions and a lot of pain uh behind it and a lot of struggle. And the let's try to deal with it one at a time. So, first the first question is, if the Rambam says Hashem has to testify that you're never going to come back to your sin again, but everybody knows that I'm going to fall back into it. So, how do I even approach the concept? So, Rabbi Dr. Abraham J. Twerski, zichrono livracha, was a well-known expert on addiction. And he had a story that he would tell that he was once at an AA meeting and somebody got up and said, "The man who I was would drink. The man I once was would drink again. The man I am today will never pick up a drink." And that means that was able to testify about him that the man he is today won't drink. So, you're saying that everybody knows you're going to fall back into it. That's because you're still the same old you. But if you go through the right process, the addictions recovery process, you become a new person, and that new person we're going to promise about him that he's never going to sin again. And it's interesting that this sheer cut getting pushed off. Last night, I was there to hear a sheer by Rabbi Geltzeiler in Lakewood. Reb Chaim Yisrael Geltzeiler, shlita. And he spoke about just this question. And he said a little bit of a different mahalach, but I think it's the same the same vort, sort of. He said that when somebody goes to medical school, let's say, it's a 10-year process of becoming a doctor. So, people are going to say, "Are you going to be perfect for 10 years? Are you going to get straight A's? Are you never going to come late to a class? Are you always going to do your homework? Are you always going to do everything exactly?" So, of course the answer is no. But he is fully dedicated to the process of becoming a doctor. And that's what a baal teshuvah is. A baal teshuvah is fully dedicated to the process of teshuvah, of coming back to Hashem. So, are you going to slip up on the way? Of course you're going to slip up on the way. But what defines you is your overarching desire to become a doctor, or your strong inner desire to be a baal teshuvah, to be somebody who truly came back to Hashem. And that that process is something that if you're fully dedicated to that, then that's the that's the real teshuvah. I want to add one more thing when it comes to the 12 steps of recovery of Alcoholics Anonymous, the only time that the word alcohol is mentioned is in step one. Step one is we admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable. And that's it. Then there's an 11 other steps where alcohol isn't mentioned at all. After that, it's all about build becoming a new person and building up a relationship with a higher power. Step two is we came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. And that's exactly where he's holding. This person knows that he's powerless. He says, "Uh there's this one area everybody knows I'm going to fall back into it. I'm powerless." But he has not yet come to believe that a power greater than himself could restore him to sanity. And that's what he has to work on. And the way it works in Alcoholics Anonymous, for example, or similar programs, is that if you go to meetings and you see people there, real people who struggled just like you struggled, and today they're sane, and they're living life, and they're no longer so encumbered by these problems that once that they once faced just like you face them right now, you slowly come to believe that there is a power greater than yourself that could restore you to to sanity. I just want to go through the additional questions. He says, "Am I even allowed to do chuvah?" And the answer is absolutely you're allowed. And absolutely you have a here, there's a mitzvah. The but the mitzvah isn't to beat yourself up and become down. The mitzvah is chuvah, to come back to Hashem. You're distant from Hashem. And there's no question that somebody who is in active addiction is distant from Hashem. So, the solution is to come back to Hashem. Now, is the solution waking up at 5:00 a.m. to slichos? Could be not. Could be your therapist or your sponsor is going to tell you, "No, you need you you need to sleep 8 hours a night no matter what. Don't get up for 5:00 slichos." And I'm going to agree with them wholeheartedly if you're in that situation. Don't get up for 5:00 Selichos. But, do you need to do teshuvah? Do you need to come back to Hashem? Certainly, you need to come back to Hashem. He says, "But, what should I do? Every time I attempt to stop, I end up acting out worse ways than before." So, of course you need to do teshuvah. Obviously, you have to do teshuvah. You must do teshuvah. And I'm going to tell you something else. Other people don't have to do teshuvah. If somebody doesn't have an aveira, he didn't have an aveira. He feels a little guilty. He forgets about it. The next day, he does that aveira again. He feels a little bit less guilty. He's more comfortable with the idea of this aveira. And go a month goes by, he does it again. He doesn't care much about it. But, an addict is hitting rock bottom. It's taking over his life. He doesn't have a choice but to do teshuvah. Now, he could call it maybe recovery and not teshuvah. But, whatever it is, he has to come back to Hashem. He has to find that higher power that's going to restore him to sanity. Because if he doesn't, he's just going to keep hitting rock bottom. So, it it's not a question of whether you're capable of You don't have a choice. Hashem gave you this addiction. Like you're saying, "God made me this way." He made you this way, and he expects you to connect with him more deeply than other people. Other people could cruise by their life without thinking about Hashem, without thinking about their connection with Hashem. But, for you, because you were created with this problem, with this issue, so you need a deeper connection with Hashem than other people do. And the question what does Hashem expect from you? He doesn't expec- He doesn't expect perfection. He doesn't expect you to suddenly get up and never fall down again. Sheva yipol tzaddik yakum. He expects perfection in your dedication to the mission. He expects He expects perfection in trying to keep trying, no matter what. You dedicate yourself to this, no matter what. And you're asking, "How am I supposed to have any sincerity when I know that in one area I'll always be a heretic?" You're not always going to be a heretic in this area. With Hashem, there's a lot of hope, and there's help, and there are people who have been helped. And like we said, if you go to the rooms where there are recovering people, you'll see that there's a power greater than them that restored them to sanity. And he's waiting with open arms for you to come, and he's going to let Hashem restore you to sanity as well. And I turn to the rest of Klal Yisrael, may we all be zocheh to come back to Hashem b'tshuvah shleimah u'fnei'cha, whether we're desperate like an addict or we're not desperate, but we still we all need teshuvah, we all want to come back to Hashem. Hashiveinu Hashem eilecha v'nashuvah, chadesh yamenu k'kedem.