Fireside with Yossi Sigal: Chinuch, Yeshivas & Bitachon during struggles! Status Island Podcast

[music] We never know what's going to turn out to be. [music] Use your power. [music] She couldn't walk straight. Doctor, a house doctor, a brain [music] doctor. Take care of yourself. Welcome everyone to the status podcast. It's a great honor to be here. You practice what you preach. Everything looks beautiful. But this trick from the hardware stores in Home Depot guy in Home Depot was whatever guy in the hardware store in Home But usually the little what I know about anyways ideas, tips to make life easy and comfortable in Staten Island. And it's very very inspiring and you guys are truly lucky that it's named after Staten Island. >> Yeah. The headquarters. >> Yeah. The headquarters Staten Island. So weekly segment of Stus Island. ideas. Exactly. and basically life insurance you it's not about selling insurance now but this is the profession what I do is% life insurance is a very very important thing to have and it's a responsibility and I mentioned everybody's okay there was a bad dream the vault. >> Oh, it's a vault gush cuz let's let's focus. We don't want to put in fear in anybody. Everything is fine. Everything is good. You had a bad dream. Run next morning and call me and buy insurance. You don't have to call me. I'm joking. You could call anybody else. >> Life insurance called the agent. >> Exactly. And I unfortunately delivered policies unfortunat. But I'm trying to bring it a point the importance of life insurance. The topic is not going to be life insurance. Term is cheap. It's not expensive and it's a necessity. It's important basically to say it in a nice way. This is living benefits savings for sure. But the concept of that isution. It's a love letter after 120 for your family. unfortunate. Now, if a person has a vision, his vision is that he wants to help out. He's a caring father, a caring mother. Why should that vision get disconnected? They put together a gofund me. I was sitting by the wedding by the way. I felt so bad. and it's something important that a person should do. So that's basically it. I'm not going to focus in it. I do financial planning. There's estate planning. There's a lot of different ideas that we focus on buy and sell. Again, we didn't come here for life insurance. But basically, this is what I do. However, in the past, I was involved in many years. The last few years four or five years ago and yeshiva was guys from toid that basically the yeshiva was more for bkim that needed more love and help but not necessarily it's their issue they needed help because they had magetum that they needed help and they ended up unfortunately that they didn't treat them the way they should be treated it's a very kic um situation we blame but unfortunately they needed the extra attention motivating and I have to say they turned out to be amazing. I'm really proud of them and this is what happens when you put in the effort. Basically, I'm trying to help people get involved in I tried to keep up with the we have a group. The reason why I did it is last few years she's not well so I don't have the time to put myself in so much but basically this is what I do today. Wow. topics. You look like you're in my house by my kids. Right. The truth is and I have to tell you very important thing is now if it's not productive and if it's not healthy kids are not a healthy way but you are a role model for your kids and your kids. So if we could jump in right away in the topic unless you want to talk about anyone involved overall concept the general concept the general idea. So the first concept of the idea is that a person should be acceptance. Acceptance is the first thing. You have to have a relationship with your child. I say we're not talking that need a little help. Let's say a kid that's unfortunately OTD. I don't like to say my opinion. I never put myself into that. I could try to help out. But the most important thing is that a person has to be present. Focus and know what your child is. Don't do what's good for you. Don't work at your image. Focus what your child needs. Whatever. Real father, real mother stays appearance forever. But the end of the day, if you put in the right work, we invest the right way. He's going to be productive and he's going to focus. was struggling. So the point of it is basically the first thing is you have to accept and know be aware. Awareness is the number one for everything in life. What what is my child? available for the you have to give a you have to show them that you care for them and they feel it and they see it. You really have to put yourself into your kids situation and What's so hard to go over 2026 the 45year-old it's a lovely generation the 65y old don't take yourself so serious even if you're 45 walk over to the how's it going the a person gets from the outset you never not that social to be able to do it. So, but you're doing it. You're building the boy, right? That's the first step. The investigators the bridge, right? That's the power and it's a little step deeper than a lot of people and especially children want validation instead of blaming him or making him feel Give him the validation. There's no blame. You're right and he's right. And second, give him the validation. Hear him out. Like the opposition gave him validation schools. for anyone. It's not it's not it's not easy now. The way they're putting down compliment. Now my question is the point is you cannot force your way out or you force your way in. Take it easy. He's going to be okay. Not only that, and do you do you give encouragement and recognition for the 1450 and a boy that needs recognition he doesn't need the guy 60 years old they gave anybody else because there's not enough recognition validation I was focus on what he does and not what he doesn't do. And he tried his best and he woke up for every day 7:00. forget what happened. Never hear a compliment from you. Let's start from bottom up. the master [laughter] point, right? Okay. Oh, I appreciate it. You corrected me. for action. After a few months, they saw problem. Okay. Didn't behave the way he should be as a three-year-old. He did the opposite. He He couldn't deal with him. He disliked him. You know, I have to tell you there's end with the ending and I know the boy. So, I know that that's 100% sure. bring let's say but the bottom line is he was very boxy like I always say you have to be gray it can't be black or white he was very black because naturally And he was stressed. He was spaced out and automatically was you know the story happened many years ago there was a certain old school some new school. Don't put in some effort. He didn't anything. He was embarrassing for the family in the top but the tish never had let him come along with him. It was uncomfortable. He was very depressed. Is it my fault that I have certain issues? Issues because it would be dealt with. It wouldn't be issues. But at that time, who had a very good heart, not even one day walked over to says, "I I cannot watch it. gave them for me whatever to grow their their future and I feel lost. He turned this boy around with a few months different kid. Fast forward this. Wow. Some of the good kids turned out to be okay average. him. So from righteousness The end of the day. for is in the You gave me to build them. appreciate good. So, so I'm going to get to the point not going to happen anything. You're going to be big one day. I will not give up on you. And that's what happened. A powerhouse. And that's what I want to say about the fact is that of development. Use your power. Yes. Guys to the next topic. Second is what's my point? What do I want to say? is he has his own life and you have to focus. >> Interesting. mention I know how to subconsciously compare and mention right basically I couldn't believe it but mentioned but mentioned verbal abuse mentioned it's terrible. [laughter] He meant it serious. 99.9. We're not in control. But again, we try our best. And if you want to be successful, Wow. This is verbal abuse, physical abuse. Dictate him. Control him. Trust I gave you and I trusted you in do your job. So what's the >> So I'll tell you like this structure flow. A person to be flow constantly is terrible. But in order to be flow you need to be structure. But if a person to be structure always is the gray area is the best way. So when you have So, >> so back to the point balance. Structure is very important. You can only get the flow through structure. Meaning to say to be able to have a good time. Every action has a reaction. So you need to have structure in order to be able to get to the flow to relax. However, structure has to be with a balance. challenges. Don't worry. You just believe in it. Not only fake it like to make his life better. So it should come naturally. Yet even if he'll be very structured now okay he's structured but he'll be able to focus and manage in life if you were not structured you were very flowing gave mahav he'll be able to go to a course to become structure but if you don't give mahav in the structure is very very hard that a person should grow anywhere so the point is the main thing is and the most important I think very important is validation structure complaint. Don't dismiss it. Don't be passive. No, no, no. Trauma starts that way. There are certain things that stay baked in you forever. But you never know. Listen, there's a lot of selfhelp. I'm not talking about therapy perspective. There's so many So in in life if you feel you don't know don't and that's why awareness is key. If I feel I'm not the best parent for for whatever reason, it's a lack of we're not at the blame. Disclaimer, everybody's trying their best. Life is very, very stressful and there's a lot of distractions awareness. It's okay. And if I don't know what to do professional there's so many things today we want to save the generation there are so many negative vibes unfortunately but this is basically for the next topic Red King podcast. Yeah. So certain negative It's it's I I feel that in life if you have a healthy balance. So to summarize to summarize in what's the main points was the main point. So I would put it down of five five points that the if you want to be successful in life successful in life whether he's successful or not that's the first step. The second part, second step is awareness. Awareness about myself, where I'm standing, if I'm capable. It's very hard. But it's okay. What won't I do for my child? Awareness about the child step is to give unconditionally love. Now I'm going to make a disclaimer over here. The general population do it with love. Show him. Be there for him. [snorts] That's the fourth level. Everybody loses themselves sometimes. Everybody gets uptight. Don't feel uncomfortable. Don't be afraid to apologize. Meaning He did something wrong. But these things, you could walk over to him and say, "I just want to tell you I'm only human. I love you. I'm sorry. I know I was very hurtful what I said before. >> I didn't mean it. And I lost myself. My father is human and my father makes mistakes. And they say I'm I'm a role model and this is connecting to be the right role model. Now the fifth thing is connection. Connection with a child in every way possible. Meaning devote time for each child. It should be an honor for you to take the child to school. to mentions busy distractions today because and a kid has to know that he is important in your life. I need to connect. I want the connection with you. You're important. Now it should be an honor to you. It should be thank you my relationship with him because either they eat to themselves or they don't say anything do it gladly teenagers sometimes you need professional guidance but the basic what you could do is do anything that doesn't hurt my sandwich as He's going to trust you. I'll spend $100 on you. That's in a teenager on a little child. If your child doesn't come to you, make your effort. Connection is very important. Now, in gist change in 2026, people are going to get distracted on their phone. People are going to get distracted at work that people have priorities. But the point is so the same thing. If you want to be to summarize all five points, now is the time to invest cuz the years and days go very quick. And if you want your kid to invest in you and have a relationship with you when you get older and you want you should you want to be part of the decision of certain things in his life. I'm not talking about decision but you have to do the first step and it starts from when the kid is one day old. Do whatever you could. gave my hog. Hello. Kids need attention. And one very important point, validation. Validation is the most important thing. It's going to go away. No, no, no. You you're you're you're you're building something that's not necessary. Don't ignore it. 80% something happens validation position. simple gave him validation. You show them that you care and that's the conversation topics. But the point is that The point the bottom line is we're not changing anybody. Whether he cares or doesn't is moving forward. next year the kid is your problem not his. So focus on your child what's productive for the kid and successful that's it. Wow. Okay. Um story situation >> situation personal story complaint Actually, let's let's let's review it. Let's go four weeks before reverse. She couldn't walk straight. She headaches. So, the truth is anxiety. I take it so personal issues. We don't know what we have to be thankful. Fore and Duncan by li by this health. So she didn't feel well and I saw it's something more than a regular headache because she's very off balance is when I mention the issue viteman. So first you go to the local doctors organ doctor a heart's doctor a brain doctor. Fast forward six weeks eight weeks we made an appointment. She had an MRI she calls me up and they said there's a tumor. Now the local doctor come back next week Mondays health you name it thankful for organizations I had written 4 hours from when I got the results till I got a doctor to see it took four hours. >> General agent and she connected very thankful for them. That was the first year and then yeah they're legit. More than that they're helpful. Unbelievable. The tumor I was beyond. Terrible. You're early. You're good. Next. We'll take You're good. Don't be nervous. Next appointment. They were able to take it out. At first they said it was benign and it took a long few months till she got back. She couldn't talk. The speech was in the brain. So um it was in the brain on one side. And fast forward a few months we came back. They said they see something but they don't know if it's tissue or maybe it's tumor. The doctor that the tumor is coming back. It didn't go away. So at that time the vision unbelievable person he connected me at that time to RCCS. RCCS specializes in different types of of um trials different types of trials, not medications, FDA approved, different types of um but basically different trials, different types of medications. They specialize much more RCS. So, and they were very helpful because I went to so many doctors after so many different specialties that I had to go back to. Everybody is good. I was connected to somebody. Unbelievable person. Devotion next level. So, we did that trial for a few months. My wife was out. It was very, very hard for her. March um in 20 the next year in April the doctors no it's not good it looks very bad muras was grade four grade four is like level like like stage four and different things but the tuma line is something curable the imitations of it details but is terrible nothing works for it or even something works is very limited. surgery. Bis Bis she had chemo radiation was very very hard at that time and she was fantastic everything devotion for the kids my wife happens to be was the discipline the house I'm more flow learning the important The structure is mabain assistant principal in talking school from to midl for nth grade for 250 girls with a four 12th grade teacher and unfortunately it affected her she couldn't work off the couch from there on it went fast forward Offbalance balance you know I mean we went through a very very tough few years at this point things are stable in a sense have to go follow up every two months the tumor is behaving but basic vein of the linkazat that was cured unfortunately it went to the other side the other side they couldn't make surgery because it would weaken her completely So they did something called gamma knife, very strong um radiation. Unfortunately, the side effects of that is terrible and because it's in the brain, it does affect cognitivity is terrible. So my wife was out of it a lot. So now there's a lot of work that we have to undo. situation they feel alone in any situation you are whether a whether a child OTD whether sickness a spouse you are not alone because there's a hundreds of thousands of people that feel alone spiritually we're all together it's problematic you feel alone a lot of times times. Financially impact is very hard above everything. for so my point being what I'm trying to bring out over here the the emotions my other son is 17 13 they were young kids my my third my my my 13-year-old was nine years He found his mother twice with a seizure. She had seizures, terrible seizures on the floor. So this gamma knife that things are stable. I have to every two months to follow up on it. But in the meantime, she developed a cough for eight months. coughing terrible terrible possible January this year and we were able to miraculously but it affected the ears. So surgery there's so many issues situation how many details how many things got affected in mention for send me chocolate people exactly don't get me wrong but the point is organizations do it's not enough and a lot of organizations cannot do enough organizations really did a great job everybody is good there is unfortunately the nishkit was either not awareness. He doesn't know how to react some people. nice enough to help the comments are these careless there's different people in the world meaning to say overall mention >> right most mention most mention >> right exactly so what I'm trying some people are self-centered mentions and avoid mention organizations I'm trying to say multi-billionaire. The point is the good, the bad, and the ugly. Unfortunat I'm sure everybody listening to this podcast situation certain negativity also but how do we stay positive? Yeah, let's get to the point. So yet the negative point simple situations. Simple solution relationship something nice sent to the house can find information. Do your research doesn't come easy all the time. Do your research how do there's always a solution to everything like the situation a person has to put themsel in. Unfortunately there's a lot of people that are hurting today in a lot of different areas and people should be aware and try their best and people are trying. This is not a complaint you get dimension in the same talking to the organizations who are making a lot of money and not helping. Simple example was successful. Don't give him such a hard time. Make your decision today. You want to help him? Help. You don't want to help him. Don't help him. So, okay. I'm not going to add it. Yeah. The point is not it's irrelevant. Why do you have to be demeaning to the other person certain organizations also because I tried to focus on the positive. I every day wake up how could we make today a successful day? The reason for that is because if I'm starting negative and chance my day to be positive, if you start positive, your day has a chance to turn out. Did I have times that I was down negative? It's a very fine line not to become bitter. A lot of days financially and yeshiva, the yeshiva drained me for no reason. For two of my children, Brookem, they're both happy. Everybody's happy for no reason in my elimin usually they take siblings for my youngest son and they said they here he's a very good boy but he missed here and there the year in he definitely missed His mother is not well. She was in the hospital a lot and um they really want to take him but the problem is cases in Lakewood he's going to need more attention in Lakewood and they cannot deal with all the cases. So if he's going to need more attention, we cannot specialize in that. Attention is totally okay. We try to take care of them. I'm the type of person. I like to learn from everybody. I spoke to professionals how to deal with it situation. As a matter of fact, most professionals and anybody that went through such a situation told me there's nothing that you could do only love. is the and they have to take care of certain things. How could you expect them to function? So instead of being thankful and they didn't want to take my second son, the bottom line is let him run after the game. I'm not talking negative on anybody. The bottom line is that I'm telling what I went through. So when the guys stress, how could you stay positive, but you have to remind yourself what I said before. I'm not fixing people and I'm here for my children. My children have to hear that I care about you and love you and I'm going through the process with you together the pain. I don't care about the yeshiva. I care about my son. Obviously I care about the yeshiva mazilent. I care about every yeshiva. I'm trying to say the focus should be on the priority. So this is the fact is so the tool to that is he's positive [snorts] and he sees the light anything put myself into What I'm saying is there are little clips. Push yourself to listen to the positivity. Try to get yourself out of it and don't blame yourself. Keep on telling yourself and validate yourself. As funny it could sound to people. Validate yourself. It's okay. Deep breaths. I know I'm going through a hard time. I'm aware where I am. Ground yourself. Ground yourself is very important. Be present, but I'm not turning it to become bitter. I'm going to work with myself. I'm going to try to be better and I don't have to be positive every day is very strong. As a matter of fact, argues with you, you know, you have a chance. It's done and over. So as a matter of fact in the first part is that if a person validates himself and gives himself the credit and doesn't blame himself all day and say Hashem gave you talents. Hashem loves you. We all make mistakes. You fell down yesterday. Get back up tomorrow. You were negative yesterday, be positive tomorrow. And that's the part of being being successful in and and and you want to be positive for yourself, for your kids. Okay? Try to work with it. Do something that makes you feel better. Take care of yourself. If people don't take care of yourself, how could you take care of your wife and children? A person must address his own feelings and must take care of himself. So any that's it set for life. for listen. I I I know that you care. I know there's a toy, but I don't know what it is. Don't blame yourself. Move on. Next day, finish. So, for the the book didn't end yet. But you're closer to it. So that's why a person has to always be positive. I don't know what's going to be. Ground yourself and tell yourself, am I in the right position now to blame myself? Is it right for me going through what I'm going through? You know, you know, the point is that you don't have to solve everything every day. Take care of yourself. Don't blame yourself. Technical question. Exactly. Exactly. Eve. So the dimension was gave it. Oh, perspective. the reason and I'll open myself up in a lake with it was terrible in um why do I connect But I had very hard times and then that I didn't forget about you. Had other challenges that I learned. I have a very soft spot validation. Don't judge. It's a famous saying don't judge the other person because he sins different than you. is detached. A caring person knows that everybody has challenges. The most what you could do is listen. Be a good listener. Validate him. [snorts] I'm broken now. The point is they're scared that the tumor grew and I'm coming back two hours before this man. Did you Did you ask me? The point is the point is that we we distraction. So, I'm gonna tell you is a fascinating cipher. of the Aces. Achilus. with my mind. Execute. discipline. This is the guy doesn't deserve game against the point is killer toys to get get when I ment gave him free ride feeling. He wants you to feel accomplished. So we have to work for it. connection. This is connection. That's why do the connection of So mention focus on your own self. Foreign [snorts] speech. Foreign speech. Foreign speech. Foreign speech. Foreign speech. Foreign speech. is fragile. Fore. But the main thing was don't get the spool. Believe in your powers. You have the present day today. There's no such a thing I'm giving up. There's no question about it. The question is how I'm going to do it. But there's not it's not if there's no questions in in in judge yourself. Not to take personal, but you know what I mean, right? Okay. Wow. Looking forward background stories. So, but closing statement I guess part the the the same the same way how you do not blame your child. Don't blame yourself too. We all have a child in the heart. We all need recognition. We all want to be appreciated and we have sometimes we have to give it to ourselves. Don't blame yourself. The is we're not in control on thoughts. Thoughts come thousands of thoughts. Control. Don't focus on the negative thoughts. >> Focus on the negative. >> I'm not in control. Surrender. Feeling. Don't fight with yourself. Give yourself space. Validate yourself. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay to walk over to the mirror and to say I like myself. Yes. Look inside the mirror and be comfortable about yourself. I see a beautiful person here. So this I am okay where I am and I know where I am and it's going to get better. forget whatever makes you feel good because it's baby steps sometimes because if you're in very deep down it's very now if nobody judges you don't be the one to judge yourself be nice to yourself you're nice to the whole world be nice to makes my in the back. I'm good. Thank you. Anything that makes you feel better in order to get you to a better stage. One of the things I'm inspired it's not about the it's about the he puts in so much that he what he's doing is unbelievable. Maybe the blood the power we all want to go back including myself. You struggle with consistency. You have to be structure. Take care of yourself first. If you're going to be a healthy mother emotionally, physically, and mentally, and if you and financially also sometimes as a father, if you don't can't take care of yourself, if you're not in a good place, how could you take care of your children? A very important thing, mental health is the same like a physical help. mention OCD obsessive severe issues severely or or moderate way don't be scared to look for help coach a therapist take medication mention you can have a beautiful quality life and people should respect people that take care of themselves Mench with hot issues might something wrong. He's perfectly qualified. He's a great great guy in our emotionally. We are busy running come and going. We see news from here and there in a second newspapers guilt because they focus on negativity. Mention attract negativity. This is the fact. here in the [snorts] way how you do it is you tell yourself you know okay thank you let me take something out of it I appreciate what I have okay my heart breaks but be positive and try to avoid tragedies by being in tuned to other people by your own family member. Don't neglect certain issue by saying don't put it under the rock and the most important part is there's a mentality of a lot of people certain issues. So basically why you have a issue the earlier you start the quickest you're going to have a healthy good child. Connection connection connect with yourself connect with Hashem. The reason why I named it believe in Hashem, believe in yourself, believe in your child. This is the powers. When your son says that somebody bothers him, believe him. If we heal things by 10, 11, we're saving lives. Don't hide things under the closet. It's okay to deal with the things I saw in my life. I grew so much the last few years. My heart breaks it. Usually it takes two to tangle and usually the ego. I mean before you turn around you don't want to turn around by 70 80 years old I wasted my life on be present today think about today focus today and make it a successful life but one day at a time and in and in and that's how we're going to be successful that's the bottom line the bottom line issues says I do issues the point not only the ego I can't get anything from my wife sometimes we have to go but this a topic for a different time I think that what they want to talk about. Yeah. Like, share, and subscribe. Like, comment. smashing success. But compliment compliment. So comment enjoy the episode of the weekly segment of status and um WhatsApp feedback. The same thing here. The motivation never giving up. But my mother never gave up. The point is I can wake up in this what would be anybody that has a comment and I'm here to learn. We're just discussing ideas. I'm always here to learn. [snorts] And yes, I love to give compliments for one simple reason. If you want to give critique, you have to give compliments. worth a compliment in status the compliment what you do is so humble it's really beautiful you're doing a service of people compliment let's all make a goal to be good to each other give a compliment let's be