Dr. Menachem Dubovick DSW LCSW | Quality time w/ children. How to pick a therapist - Status Island

Welcome to the status island show and it's a pleasure to introduce Dr. Dubik. Let's hear introduce yourself to the viewers. >> Hi um my name is Dr. Manakim Dubik DSWLCSW. I am currently a clinical supervisor and clinician at Tikva at OHL as well as private practice and adjunct professor in from social work programs. >> Oh wow. So you also teach um a new social workers. >> Yes. >> Wow. So let's start. Um first let's mention um the sponsor of this video is Vine RX Pharmacy. A big thanks to them. We'll put their information by the end of the video also. And let's get right into it. What's your area of expertise? Um teenagers, um children, couples, what's your area of expertise? >> I primarily work with children and ban. Um I do a console with adults. >> So let me ask you a question for today's generation. You know the the teenagers have a lot of um what's it called? Um what's the correct word? The teenagers have a lot of uhness whatever you want to call it and the is the word but it's a complicated world today. What's a good way for parents to give to their teenager children? >> Right. They say every door has its own uhness and we have our nan where we are even though we are connected 24/7 with technology we have to make sure that we're connected with our family as well which is more important than anything. And when we develop a relationship with our children when they are young when they develop as they get older that connection hopefully will be even stronger. And it's very very important to always try to spend time with each of your children. Yes, in our community it's not easy the houseful of children but to I tell uh parents to try to take at least between 15 minutes and 30 minutes a week with each child to spend quality time that is with the mothers spend time with their daughters and try to spend time with their sons as well. And the fathers should also try to spend that amount of time uh every week with their sons and along with their daughters separately. >> So what's a good way how to spend time? Should they just sit down and uh talk? What should they do? What's some ideas that people do? >> Well, there's a lot of different things that a parent can do. One of them is finding something that the child is interested in. So even if a boy is interested in cooking, maybe the mother can offer him to come and cook with her, make the tomato dip, make the colelaw, help make the potato cookle and have it as an an activity where the mother and the son are doing together and they can smoo during that time. The father can go for walks with his daughter. Um or we see in the country people go bike riding or for walks with their children. It's very important. Um we don't have to limit it to just sitting and learning. >> Right. Like some people learn by and they and then it's just like a >> correct correct and sub has a number of children is 45 minutes maybe because you have the raffles the setting up the cleaning up. So are you really getting that quality time with your child? >> Wow. How does that help? Let's say if a issue comes up that a teenager is having a problem, how does that help that is that he has the quality time? What's very very important the person has to keep in mind with teenagers and we were all teenagers at one point in our lives I believe is to have a connection with somebody and who better to have a connection with them with our own family with our fathers with our mothers with our grandparents sometimes unfortunately people don't have those things so who can they make a kasher with comes in raonim rabim yeshiva and the different nis that the child attends >> that's another thing I wanted to ask you how does Dastora work together with mental health people's people people have this question like when should they ask dastora what how does it intertwine right so years ago and I'm talking about 30 40 years ago there was almost no from therapists and unfortunately there were many therapists who were against yadishkite and from kite and religion in general but over the years with even myself I have trained hundreds of therapists and supervised that they all from Shabas mitzvah people who you would never know that they're a therapist sitting with a next to by and it's very very important that a person goes not to just someone who looks from but someone who's also who has his own das that he can go to with shas it is very very important that a parent or a person for ourselves has das tyra when it comes to therapy as well as just as if it would be any other medical issue. Now let's go to the um Q&A. Some people sent in questions um to ask the therapist. Let's um read some of those questions. A lot of them were similar, so I'll read two of them together. One person sent in, sounds like the the mothers were sending in. How do I deal with a four-year-old child that is very smart yet he does yet he does whatever he wants and he only responds when I scream or punish him but then becomes into a whole episode and negative reactions. That's one question. Another person had a similar thing with a little more detail. How to deal with a 5-year-old who has crying tantrums extremely often. When her tantrums start, she throws things off the counter table or dressers, etc. When I remove her to her room, she kicks her feet on the floor and walls and cries so much it's insanity next level. Her tantrums are out of control. My kids go around holding their fingers in their ears to block out her screaming cries. And it affects the mood in the house and the relationship she has with all of her family members. How do I deal with this? So, people are asking about >> similar dealing dealing with children, especially young children who have tantrums. And you're also older children and teenagers and adults who have tantrums. We have to know the person. And obviously I'm not I cannot diagnose in an interview or even through a simple question. Um but to give a brief answer and how to deal with something like this um there are some recommendations. One is again and this is a general statement. I cannot give spec a specific answer for for without seeing the child. Um I would recommend to the parents create a log. When is this child usually acting out not behaving? What are some triggers? Does the child sleep well? Do they eat well? Are they eating properly? How is their diet? Are they drinking enough liquids? These are all things to keep in mind. I am from the holistic point of view where it's very important also to look at any other medical factors. I recommend to all my clients parents to take the child even teenager to a regular doctor and have a complete uh health workup and C is the child missing any vitamins. Are they hitting their health milestones as appropriately needed? These all affect a person's behavior. >> So let's go back to the to the idea. I think it was very important idea of of spending time the parents should spend time with their children. So give me some idea of uh some scenario that you saw where it helped out worked right. So this is unfortunately something very common uh in our communities. The fathers are very busy by hashem. You have people who are um as I say uh clay kaid clay kadesh and they're very busy with the with their and they unfortunately do not find the time or have the time to spend with their child. There was one rashiva who his son was coming to me and I asked the father to come in. He was able to make time from his busy schedule. And the first thing that we did was we sat down all together, the three of us on the floor and we started playing with Playmobil. >> Wow. >> And I recommended to this rashiva that he should try to do it at least 15 to 20 minutes a week and hashem I don't want to say that I'm a balmus but it did help the relationship with this boy and the father. I also an older much older boy who his father was a dian and if dian was afraid that his son wasn't going to become a bent tiger I worked with the boy to find something that he was interested in when it comes to hala the boy decided that he's very interested in even though even though he was under bar mitzvah and I discussed it with his father and his father was also I don't know it's too young to learn. So I said please try one or two times and within a few months boy was had a seda every day with his father learning and the relationship became very very strong. >> Wow. Interesting. Was the boy happens to be by any chance uh had red hair? It says they can people that have red hair should learn. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> I cannot divulge any details about my clients. Everything is confidential. >> Right. So now let me ask you in general what should people look for in a therapist? It's very important that you have a therapist who's licensed and and specializes in his area of practice with proper training and supervision. Um, I would also want to add to that that in the from community, I would always recommend make sure that the therapist that you go to is willing to work with your RV and that your ROV is willing to work with your therapist. And if you're working with children, you should be always has a team with the parents, the therapist for mental health. If the child is also going for OT PT speech see it and in the English the English teacher the rebi the manal the principal it's a team to really build up your child that they should be met in life >> okay when somebody is dealing with any type of mental health um therapy who else is involved in the picture to to be collaborative with >> well person should always be aware of the doctor the the child's pediatrician or the person's primary care physician. Um, it's also good, even though they're a sponsor, to have a pharmacy that knows the community that you are living in because if the person is on medication and the medication might run out or there's an emergency to have a pharmacy or a doctor who understands uh our community's needs is very very important, >> right? Like for example on Shabas if there somebody can't sign or something. >> Correct. Correct. >> Okay. >> And a person should always know they should not be hesitant to contact um Hatsah or any of the amazing organizations that our community has if something comes up if there's an emergency. There is a stigma unfortunately with mental health but everybody needs somebody. >> Okay. Thank you Dr. Dubic for taking out of time out of your busy schedule to give everybody such important information and answer the questions people had. Maybe we'll do periodic other other episodes. Um what is a phone number to reach you if somebody wants to schedule? Do you have any slots available? >> I have very limited slots available right now. Baram my contact number is 718866433. 7188666433. Okay, thank you very much. This episode is sponsored by our friends at Vine RX Pharmacy. The other day, somebody called them, their seizure medication ran out. And because they have a pharmacist available around the clock for emergencies, they're able to issue it and deliver it ASAP. And in general, they have great service and quick delivery and they understand the needs of our community. If you need something for example on Shabas I'll make sure you get it without any technical difficulties. Vine RX pharmacy 927 Manor Roads.