Why you need to SPEAK UP | (Parshas Emor)

hi this is Rabbi Shay's top we're about to watch a class I gave on the weekly Torah portion but the real focus and the message is the power of speech and why we need to speak up and how to speak up I hope this is going to not only inform you but motivate you to use your voice come check out the class with me so Emir al-haq speak to the priests the descendants of Aaron and tell them about their special Mitzvahs and about guarding their ritual Purity and all that stuff but the name of the Parsha is just Emma just the word Emma and Emma means speak and yes obviously if you read the whole verse there's a context there who are we speaking to and what are we speaking to them about but the name itself the way that Jews have referred to this Torah portion for centuries and for Millennia is just the word Amar by itself which just means speak just speak without any further context and um so there's a question which the rabba asks this question which is on its own the word Amar really um it's really kind of a questionable word you remember we started Pierces a few weeks ago every Shabbos we learn another chapter quickly always during the during Sphero the weeks between Payson so remember uh what shamai said not hell but shama he said foreign speak little and do much in other words talk is cheap like don't speak so much just get stuff done so why does this word Emler speak without any context around it uh why is it worthy of being a name of aparsha and and what message does it have to us what are we supposed to learn from it um that's that's really the question now you could say that it's talking about speaking words of Torah speaking words of towers uh is a holy thing but no because speaking words of guitar is actually it's it's its own concept like we said if you want to transmit the toilet it says you should teach them diligently to teach the words of Torah diligently to your children a video you should speak about them you should speak about the words of Torah is its own concept but this is Emma just speaking just speaking not words of Torah just speaking speaking something else not not as Torah study so what what's it talking about um so there's a there's a a saying from our Sages that Lush and Hara that evil speech gossip slander kills three people the person who speaks it the person who listens to it and the person who it's spoken about so the question is I understand why you're telling me that speak English has devastating effects on someone who speaks it because he's doing a bad thing and also the person who listens to it right if nobody listens to La Sonora nobody's going to speak Russian Honda so the one who's listening to it is also certainly doing something uh negative and uh brings dire consequences upon himself but why does it say that it it it it kills the person who it's spoken about now you you you're going to say well because they they say bad things about the person that ends up having consequences no that's not what we're talking about we're talking about spiritual consequences just like there are spiritual consequences for the person who speaks the lost and harder their spiritual consequences of the person who listens to the Lord we're talking about spiritual consequences we're not talking about uh natural things that happen uh because then then it's not even the Lush and Hunter then it's whatever immediate cause actually damage this person so that's not what we're talking about when we say that the the evil speech kills three people we're talking about something comparable it it damages them all in in similar ways so we're talking about spiritual damage uh why is the person who had spoken about being spiritually damaged along with the two guys who are speaking it and and listening to it so it's explained that one of the things that makes Russian Hara so problematic is that it's true it's not that it's libelous it's not that well maybe you're going to say something bad about somebody and somebody else will believe it and then the person who you spoke about is going to miss out on opportunities or they're going to be judged or excluded yeah I mean obviously those are terrible things but let's say none of that happens let's say two people sit around just enjoying speaking gossip about other people and it doesn't leave the room and there are no further ramifications nobody acts upon it nobody does anything about it it's just they're doing it for fun you know that's that's their Recreation they're just saying things true things about other people and um and yet we're told that that that itself is hurting the person that's being spoken about so why why is that hurting the person that's being spoken about again I understand that if the conversation leads to some type of an action but then it wasn't the speech that hurt the person it was the action that came from the speech I'm talking about in theory two people sitting in a room just speaking gossip about other people and nothing goes further than that nobody takes any actions other than that and yet we still say that it's spiritually damaging the person who's being spoken about and I'll explain it to you and maybe this is sort of a continuation of what we spoke about last week but it's like on a higher level even and if you weren't here last week you don't have to I mean you could go back and watch the recording from from last week but uh even if you didn't I could sum it up for you in 30 seconds we spoke about the idea of when you see the good in other people and you identify it and you label it then they they live up to it we remember we spoke about the Rosenthal effect that science experiment where they told these teachers that certain kids are going to Blossom this year and it was totally random it was not there was no sign that these particular kids were going to Blossom this year but the the ones conducting the experiment just just said that these kids were going to Blossom this year and then when the teachers believed that they treated those kids differently and then those kids blossomed and we spoke about that power of um looking at somebody with a good eye and and treating them in ways that maybe they haven't yet they haven't yet proven themselves to be on that level but it actually causes them to rise to that level actually somebody commented on the recording for the class that this is also called the Pygmalion effect it's called the Pygmalion effect which um I think originally that's a an ancient Greek story but I think it's also a George Bernard show is that right it's not George Bernardino Familia yeah at any rate um the idea that when you see something in somebody and you treat them accordingly then it can actually cause them to behave that way so you're bringing it out in them um that was last week so what we're talking about this week is actually even more than that and that is this is when the person the subject of the positive thoughts and positive words isn't even present to pick up on your positive vibes about them I mean this is really spiritual because the Rosenthal effect I mean you could that there's nothing inherently Supernatural about that you could just say that when you're interacting with somebody and you interact with them in certain ways it uh you send out positive messages whatever those messages are but the point is the the person who's being treated positively picks up on it and they respond accordingly but what we're talking about now is even if two people are at a military base in Antarctica with the doors locked for months I can't go outside and they're talking about some guy in New York it will have an effect on that guy this is a metaphysical thing it's not it's not psychological it's perhaps parapsychological um it's metaphysical Supernatural but this is what we're saying that when you speak about somebody it has an effect on them so when you speak Russian harda you speak negative speech about somebody even if it goes no further than the conversation of the two people who are talking and they don't repeat it to anyone and they don't act on it and they don't do anything else it still damages the person being spoken about because when we speak about something we bring it into reality speech is powerful when Hashem creates and I say in present tense creates because the world is an ongoing Act of Creation Hashem creates through speech he speaks the world into being and we being created in His image we also create through speech and when we speak about somebody we bring out certain things into reality and make them more solid and make them more real and if you protest and you say well hold on a second I'm not making stuff up about the guy I mean I'm just repeating what's true exactly exactly it's not bad enough that this guy you're talking about really has a character defect he really does and we all have Character defects he really is struggling with a certain area he really is weak in that area and now you're talking about it the fact that you're talking about it even if he'll never find out even if nobody else will find out it's just in fact in theory even if there's no one there to listen to your Lush and Hara even if you would just stand in the corner and speak a soliloquy just monologue about people in negative ways you don't even need a voodoo doll for this you could just go in the corner and speak negatively about people it will have a negative effect on them you're going to say well how is that right how is that just uh what kind of a weird spiritual law is that that somebody can just go and speak bad stuff about somebody else and it will really affect them well I'm glad that you're indignant about it but you do live in a world where people can go walk over to other people and smack them undeservedly so if yeah well the guy do deserve deserve to be smacked so just like someone go walk over and smack a guy and and cause him pain that he doesn't deserve so too a guy can go and speak negative words about somebody else and even if nobody else ever finds out it's going to damage the person that's being spoken about why because whatever negative qualities you're speaking about you're bringing them out you're making them more solid you're making them more real in this in this world Every Act of speech is an act of Revelation you're taking something that's spiritual or abstract or potential and you're giving it a manifestation you're giving it uh a place a foothold in the Physical Realm Okay so uh correspondingly we have the power of lushentoyev of good speech that if you speak good about somebody it will have a good effect on them and here's the doozy they don't have to know they don't have to be there remember it's not just like last week where we said if you treat somebody like a mensch they tend to feel like a mensch and start acting like a man and they rise to the occasion that's also true that was last week but I I need to bring you something bigger this week we got to always Ascend we're going to have a bigger idea every week what I'm telling you this week is you go and speak about somebody even if they don't know about it your speech has power it's going to make them stronger so we have to really be very careful about that if you know somebody is struggling with something and they had a breakthrough it'll be a good thing to notice it and speak about it and to say oh you know but so-and-so did he's really accomplishing he's really doing an amazing thing that person doesn't ever have to know that you spoke that it will have an effect it will have an effect s it was one of the great rabbits in the back in Europe in the 1800s so he wants uh was talking to his students or a group of his students and he recommended to them for whatever reason that they should go to a certain Tavern and he said that if they'll hang out at this tavern and you'll observe The Innkeeper The Innkeeper is a simple person he's a simple Jew he's not a scholar but you should hang out there and you should observe The Innkeeper and it'll it'll benefit you so the students listen to their rabbit and they went to the tavern they hung out and they saw the very simple Jew and they were watching to see if there was anything special that they could pick up on from him it didn't really didn't really know anything just didn't notice anything they just saw a guy running a running a Tavern and you know washing glasses and serving beer and clearing tables and that that's all he was doing really so um at one point the The Innkeeper says to these sidden you know you've been here for a while you must be hungry already let me serve you supper I uh I have some soup I'll bring you some soup so he went to the kitchen to get the soup and they started murmuring to each other like you know we're really here to watch this guy you know that ever told us to watch this guy and to learn something from this guy didn't tell us that the guy is necessarily so holy you know maybe he has a certain thing you can learn some something from everybody so like he's a simple Innkeeper he's not I mean how religious is he really how certainly not a scholar can we really trust his cautious and this is the discussion the discussing whether or not they're going to eat the food that he's going to serve so he comes out and he's got a soup there and uh he sees them having a discussion and they just you know deliberating right there and uh you know sort of like furtively a little bit you know Whispering murmuring I think really yeah I don't know I think it's reliable yeah you see yeah he works in a Tavern all day and he works with non-jews and he's probably not really a practicing Jew and yeah and they're like basically evaluating the guy and right in front of him um and trying to decide whether or not they're going to eat his soup so finally he says to them it says uh Jews you seem to be very careful about what you put in your mouth why aren't you at all careful about what comes out of your mouth and perhaps that was the very lesson that Epsom had sent to them to the tavern to go alert the power of what comes out of our mouth it's not just that we shouldn't use language to hurt people obviously obviously we shouldn't be verbally abusive and speak in ways that uh shame people or or cause them discomfort that that's obvious and that's prohibited by Torah it's called uh it's called inos devotee harmful speech hurtful speech but what we're talking about is the unique prohibition against using our human capacity to create through words in a way that could harm our fellow that is what we're forbidden from doing and conversely we should focus on the positive we should try as much as possible to harness that that creative power to build people up and that's the meaning here of Emma Emma it's a one word title Emler speak speak speak what whatever is good anything that's good speak it because you'll speak about it and you'll make it more real and again I'm not talking just about the psychological effects which also are certainly valid when you speak to somebody in a kind way I mean they say when you speak to the plants in a nice way it makes the plants happy they grow better and I'm not even talking about the the effect it has on you when you speak positively obviously it makes us happier and and and gives us a greater sense of well-being if we if we frame things in a positive way and we can bring it out in speech obviously and we have our gratitude list and all that stuff obviously that's healthy for us but I'm talking about something that is chemical it's not a psychological phenomenon and that is that when we speak setting aside any subjective effect that it has on anyone who may be listening or any subjective effect that it may have on ourselves if we are listening to our to our own positive speech just the fact that we take ideas ideas are abstractions and we verbalize them to physically articulate them with our organs of speech you know with the friction of the the buzzing of the the air and the different parts of our of our mouth and the different compartments of speech and in the throat and the palate and the lips and the tongue and the teeth that physical it's a physical thing when you're speaking you're you're compressing air and you're vibrating air and there's this you're causing it's like you're causing a the the sound waves to uh you're causing vibrations it's a physical thing so that articulation is causing whatever it is you're speaking about to also become more physical and more real so we've got to think about that and uh choose our words very wisely and the don't be stingy with your words because after you hear all this you might be intimidated and you say you know what it's too scary I don't want to hurt anyone with my words I'm just I'll take a vow of silence you know about the there was a monastery where the monks took a vow of silence and every year they were allowed to speak two words yeah so this guy comes comes a monk at the monastery of the Silent Monks silent order and after the first year he's allowed to say his first two words and he goes to the Abbot the head monk and he meets the Abbott in his office he gets two words he says food cold that's it it's Stewart's food cult okay now it goes a whole year and he's I don't know making candlesticks or whatever they do in the monastery all day and he does this for a year he can't speak he does not speak and uh after the next year the second year it goes to the Abbott and he has his meeting one-on-one with the Abbott he gets to say two more words and he says to the Abbott bed hard okay it's two words after the second year and it goes back to his silent life for another whole year and after the third year he goes into the the Abbott he's got two words he's got two words to say now he says to that but I quit the Abbott says well it doesn't surprise me you haven't stopped complaining since you got here so you might you might be intimidated by the power of speech you say that's it I'm not going to speak I'm going to think of out of Silence no don't be intimidated by it you've got the power use it and uh speak good things about people make make a point of it to set aside time even if they're yeah especially if they're idiots you gotta you gotta find good in them and speak about the good in them and make it more real yeah be good about ourselves Speak oh yeah yeah that's that's also good you can speak good about yourself what is it I'm good enough smart enough and doggone at people like me