Why WOMEN Feel INSECURE in Relationships

what if he's bringing energy that doesn't feel respectful because remember when you're the recipient see the vulnerability of the provider is you put yourself out there and if what you put put out there isn't received you feel like a fool and that's what men are afraid of they're afraid of feeling like a fool but the vulnerability of the feminine of the recipient is you open yourself up to receive something and it wasn't safe to receive and now you feel violated so the vulnerability of masculinity is you end up feeling like a fool the vulnerability of femininity is you end up feeling violated and not it's not a competition to say which one is more traumatizing which one is worse but I think it's helpful to identify those are the stakes when a man puts himself out there as a provider and it falls flat because his wife doesn't receive it so he ends up feeling embarrassed when a woman opens herself up to receive something and then what she ends up receiving is not honoring and not safe and not respectful she ends up feeling violated so does this resonate what I'm saying do make sense okay so I'm going to say something that might sound counterintuitive and there's Nuance here so I hope you'll bear with me to to finish the point fully part of being a good recipient in true feminine fashion is having boundaries now sounds counterintuitive boundaries that will make me more receptive boundaries make me less receptive it's not true it's the exact opposite boundaries if I don't want to receive anything from you then I'm not talking to you we don't have a relationship I have boundaries in my relationship with you because I do want to receive from you and I just need it to be safe so one of the problems that often happens in a male female relationship and a marriage is where a woman has felt far far too many times that what she received was not safe and she shuts down I spoke about how men shut down cuz they put themselves out there and then it fell flat and they feel embarrassed and they sulk off to the man cave that's when a man shuts down a woman shuts down when she received and then she felt violated and then she just checks out and this happens with women they'll say look I'm not being punitive I'm not trying to punish him I've just checked out because it's not safe for me to be emotionally present in this relationship and that's a tragedy cuz once that happens that's also very hard to come back from that so how do you prevent that from happening or how do you come back from it if it has happened boundaries boundaries allow femininity to receive in a more full way without having this subconscious fear that what I'm receiving is going to hurt me because if at the back of your mind you're constantly afraid of opening yourself up then you can never really open yourself up you can never really receive and if you can't receive from him he feels that he's not being received from he dries up he goes off to his corner and you go off to yours so one of the skills that femininity requires much more so than masculinity is boundaries you have to know what you're okay with what feels honoring and what feels safe and what doesn't and when it comes to setting boundaries it's very important to understand the difference between a boundary and an ultimatum a an an ultimatum is basically telling somebody you better do this or you better not do this and here is how I'm going to punish you if if you do what I told you not to do or if you don't do what I told you to do a boundary is completely different a boundary is I'm not telling you what to do I'm telling you what I'm going to do I'm not telling you what to do I don't control you I'm telling you what I'm going to going to do if such and such happens I'm not going to be able to be available for that it's not a punishment I'm not saying it to get a reaction out of you I'm just letting you know that I'm not okay for that type of interaction if that's what's on the table I'm not going to be available that's a boundary when you can set well first of all identify a boundary for yourself set that boundary meaning communicate it and to it the safety that will create in you as a recipient will actually create intimacy because then you can relax and receive but when you haven't set your boundaries or you don't you're not even aware with aware of your boundaries or what makes you comfortable or uncomfortable then there's always that that that thought in the back of your mind like at any moment this thing could go out of control and I've opened myself up and I don't know you know what direction this is taking me so boundaries are so important they don't decrease intimacy they increase intimacy if you know what feels respectful and what doesn't feel respectful and you can communicate that and stick with that and only show up for that which feels respectful what ends up happening is you'll be much more able to open up and to fully receive and then when you're fully receiving what happens to him he's giving more and more and more and more and more and then everyone's happy hey this is shase tab you were just watching a clip from this class if you want to get the full context the full class that this clip that you just watched was from you watch right here click right here here