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Why Helping People Could Actually Push Them Away

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SoulWords—Rabbi Shais Taub avatar
SoulWords—Rabbi Shais Taub

Transcript

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Why does rescuing others reduce genuine closeness? When we fall into a pattern repeatedly where we are playing the rescuer role in a relationship, there's a certain job security in that because when you're the rescuer, you're needed. And if you're needed, then you're not going to be rejected. So, that resolves all of our fear of abandonment. As long as I'm the rescuer, I'm needed. But here's the rub. I'm needed, but I'm not known. Closeness is intimacy. Intimacy is in-to-me-see, allowing the other person to know who I truly am. When I'm playing the rescuer role, nobody knows who I am. There's no vulnerability in that, no true sharing of my inner world. I just have this utilitarian function in someone else's life that makes it that they can't afford to get rid of me.