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This Truth Can Be Misused... But You NEED to Hear It

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SoulWords—Rabbi Shais Taub avatar
SoulWords—Rabbi Shais Taub

Transcript

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so I'm going to tell you something that could totally be misused and weaponized and by the wrong in if if in in the wrong hands um and I'm putting it out here on a public forum so I have no control over how this will be used but I'm praying that nobody will misuse this information children always want a connection to their parent always even if the parent is abusive even if the parent is is thick even if the parent is terrible children want a connection to their parent sometimes the parent is so unhealthy that the child can't have it it's just not practically feasible but in an Ideal World the child wishes they had it and the proof is that even a child who's estranged from a parent for their own safety um has this void they wish they could have that connection because a child's connection to a to a parent is so deep it never goes away doesn't matter how old you are doesn't matter how successful you are doesn't matter what what you've done outside of the family we're all children we never really grow out of that we always want Mommy and Daddy um I don't mean it in an infantile way I mean there's just this core Bond uh to the extent that you see people who don't have a relationship with their parent uh even when it's by their own choice because like like I'm saying saying they're protecting themselves from like a toxic situation it's not just they get over it and li dah they move on there's there's this gaping void where they wished they had that relationship that there's a there's an empty space where that relation relationship is supposed to be why am I saying this I'm saying this because many many times I've had parents who will say to me my kids are all grown they're married um and we don't have a good relationship I regret a lot well is there even hope and I'll tell them there's always hope because a child always wants a relationship with their parent they never get over the need to have a relationship with their parent now sometimes a parent has proven themselves to be so unreliable and so emotionally dangerous that the child the adult child was just not going to be able to trust enough to let the relationship be rekindled but there's always hope there's always a possibility because children no matter how grown up they are never get over the need to be bonded to their parents so I don't want to weaponize this I don't want any because you understand how somebody like cynically could misuse this information basically they could hear this and say oh so I can get away with murder for 40 50 years and then whe When I retire I'll turn around and I'll go to my kids and be like Daddy's home like that's this is not that this is not what we want people to do well what I am saying is after the fact if it already happened I've seen it firsthand front lines even adult children who are themselves in their 40s 50s 60s uh and their parents who are seniors will restore the relationship make real amends real apologies not self-serving apologies um yet not only can there be a relationship again the craziest thing there's so much healing that comes from it for both of them but more interestingly for the children like You' be shocked how I had one situation a woman told me that her mother a woman who I think she's in her 30s her mother's in her 60s her mother changed her parenting style even though all of her kids were grown up and out of the house and the the daughter says her husband came to her and said wow when your mother changed her relationship with you our marriage got better wow even after you're fully grown yeah so I saying like that parent child relationship affects so many other things like it was affecting the dynamic in the marriage of the adult child you probably didn't even know it of course you didn't know it chilling knew it after the fact when oh that was the cause and effect what what happens in that situation like in in that in that kid what's happening when they repair that relationship because the kid listening to this there's going to be some people that are going to buy into this and understand and say yes there will also be some people that are that 30 35 40y old with a very 40 your parents quite old at that point and they're like I've gone my whole life without a relationship with my parent there's no way I'm going to go back and try to start building that again now I don't see the benefit you know unfortunately the ball's not really in the court of the kid this is something the parent has to do the parent is the provider in the relationship so they have to be the initiator and they have to make the first move so let's say the child has grown up and says you know I would like a relationship with my parent but if the if the parent doesn't isn't isn't mature enough to do it it's not going to happen so really the it's it's up to the parent to make that decision that they want it to happen but when they do want it to happen it's so transformative it affects so many other things your relationship with your parents affect your entire worldview yeah I i' I've heard uh from like a a doctor he's done a lot of work with the trauma research and if you look at a household of a kid growing up and the relationship with the parent and is that house a safe space and does the child feel safe when they come home and is there uh is there trauma or no trauma that impacts performance it impacts relationships I mean for like years and years and years because what that trauma and I'm I'm not the doctor and I don't have the medical sources to site this but what he is stating is that that trauma turns into this subconscious almost operating system that's running in your head all the time and OB and then again he he has a formula that he tries to sort of fix that guess what therapist would do as well but uh he says this this can run your entire life he saw with his wife who had some sort of physical autoimmune reaction because of trauma that she experienced as a child it's I think it's in incredible and also very scary how much that relationship and that home can impact how much impact because it's like you know we have an effect on any human being that we interact with to some extent and we have a responsibility that the interaction should be a positive one but nothing compares to the amount of influence that we have on our children nothing I mean to make or break this human being there's there's a unique amount of influence that a parent has in a child's life what the ironic thing is you know a lot of times we're talking about people who are navigating toward that wrong North Star um a lot of times people get rich sort of um incidentally they weren't trying to get rich I think that sometimes the only way to get rich is to not try and get rich yeah sometimes the the money is just a metric um they were trying to become influential they're different types of people but some people they were they just they wanted I don't want to say they wanted power because that has a negative connotation but they wanted influence and the irony is that the most influence you will ever have over a human being is over your children so you set aside that to try to influence other people it's ironic it is ironic hey this is shase tab you were just watching clip from this class if you want to get the full context the full class that this clip that you just watched was from you watch right here click right here here