The Secret to Becoming a GREAT PARENT!

I I always tell parents that your number one job is to provide safety predictability security for your child that's your number one job and of course that takes many forms there's material security uh but a lot of parents just end there uh and and I I don't want to say something that negatively casts any type of aspersions on on men but I want to say as a father that there is that certain occupational hazard of feeling like look I work so hard and even if your wife's also working but there's something about men that we identify with our work so much and it's like I work so hard I pay the bills and then it's like what else do you want well material security is the first level obviously you think think about like for instance maso's hierarchy of needs right so you got to have uh bread on the table in order to explore the the meaning of life right but it doesn't end with just material security there has to be emotional security which means ultimately like I always tell parents if your child's going through something and they need to confide in somebody and it's not you and it's not you then there are only two other options two two other possible scenarios that are the reality either when they've got something going on um they have no one to go to in which case they're terribly alone or they found somebody to go to and you don't get to pick who it is or what values that person has so one of the big jobs of parents is not just to be the one who provides a roof over your child's head but also to be the go-to person that they can see out when they need grounding when they need to be I don't mean to get grounded like you're grounded I mean grounding like to be emotionally regulated when they're when they're panicked when they're afraid to talk through something to to be able to find that that that shoulder to lean on and and the one word again that I use to sum it all up is is stability and that's that's it's just everything it sets you up for a lifetime when you have it and when you don't have it conversely it's a lifetime of struggle overcoming it which it can be done it can be overcome but it's it's a lot of work I think a lot of parents hear this and they see these videos on Instagram and maybe they've had a very traumatic childhood that they're recovering from at the same time that they're raising their own children and they're so much fear what if I'm already messing it up what if I've already ruined my child's life I think very very very good parents have those feelings every day and you talk a lot about this and you've even done a video about you know is it too late to be a good parent right what is your answer to that how what do you say to those parents it's never too late never too late never too late I mean obviously you shouldn't use that as an excuse to put it off but it I I've seen it myself um I have a parenting course at this point over 2,000 mothers and fathers have gone through it so I've had the privilege of watching families um pretty front and center and a lot of the parents who I've been involved with their oldest kids were still in diapers but a lot of them their youngest kids were married and out of the house and I've seen parents of adult children I'll tell you a wild story that happened I don't want to give too many details but I was at a particular speaking engagement and right before I went on um a woman came over to me I'd say she's probably 30 and she said I just want to let you know that I took your course your parenting course she says but more important than that I want you to know my mother took your parenting course and um and she says and I want you to know that we're all married and out of the house already but my mother took your your parenting course um and and I said did you see any change like I asked this woman did she see any change in in her mother from taking the course she says I want to tell you something not did I see change she said my husband came to me and said since your mother took the parenting course our marital issues have resolv themselves and as she told me this another woman comes over and puts her arm around the first woman and I suddenly realized like first I thought maybe they're sisters then I realized this is her mother wow it was it was the mother that she was just speaking about so I wasn't at Liberty to divulge all that but I figured was fair you know it was fair game to to mention that she'd taken the course I said oh I heard you took my parenting course and um and she smiled she says yes I took it it was great even though all my kids are out of the house already I took the course it was great and um then the daughter says to me sort of like finishing the conversation that we had started before her mother showed up she looks at me and she says it's amazing how one thing can affect so many things and she didn't elaborate because her mother was standing right there at that point but she was referring to the fact that her mother's healing improved her own marriage meaning the married daughter is experiencing healing in her marriage with her husband because her mother is becoming a better parent so that was what you meant it's amazing how one thing the mother daughter relation ship can can affect so many things meaning one example being the marital relationship of the of the daughter and it it's true it's like and that going back to that Ross perau clip that that you referred to where that I had that clip where I was commenting on how in the 1988 presidential election or 1992 1992 presidential election he was saying how the foundation of society is the family um if you want the biggest bang for your book the spot where if you strengthen that it will have the most call it ripple effect it's in parent child relationships it's amazing how one thing can affect so many other things hey this is shase tab you were just watching a clip from this class if you want to get the full context the full class that this clip that you just watched was from you watch right here click right here here