The Hidden Addiction Keeping Entrepreneurs Broke

I'm going to be careful how I say this because I don't want to say identifying details. I can think right now of three situations I saw firsthand in the past year where you had an entrepreneur who had really unnecessary employees and couldn't cut them. And it was not, you know, you could say, "Oh, he has a heart of gold. He's just, you know, cuz sometimes that's, you know, you know, Bill's been with the company for so long, even though he does nothing, he doesn't know how to use a computer, we just keep paying him. Okay, that's kind of sweet. But in a lot of situations I've seen, there's a codependent relationship. I'll use that word and I'll define it in a moment. Like a codependent relationship between employer, employee. Codependent relationship is where a person becomes addicted to the relationship where they're they're addicted to the approval uh that they're getting from the other person. A lot of entrepreneurs actually end up being in these weird situations where they're using payroll as a way of having a relationship and they have this deep need to have the relationship so they can't get rid of it. >> Might be cheaper than therapy. [laughter] So if you put it on paper and it actually ends up cheaper than the therapy, okay, fine. So continue, right? But no, but I'm just thinking the therapy will get you eventually you'll be able to stop. So in the long run, the therapy will be cheaper. And I've seen that a lot where people have a codependent relationship with an employee or a codep codependent relationship with a business partner where it's not really practically serving any purpose. It's sort of a a a very twisted sort of emotional payoff where there's like this this need for validation. Which is why, by the way, if your way of making money forces you to deal with a lot of people, you have to have a very clear sense of who you are. Because people will, and especially unscrupulous people who are good at this, they will zero in on that vulnerability, that insecurity, and they will flatter you and make you feel good. And that's it's very addicting. And I've seen it. I've seen it where people are paying crazy money. They justify it. They they it looks like a normal business expense, but it's not a normal business expense. They're literally paying for validation. >> It's crazy. Seen it so many times. >> Also, people who have a lot of money and attract a certain friend group, similar transactional relationship in that they're exchanging money for that validation. >> Right. So then that's when they're getting hit at work and in their social life. >> Yeah. And it's very expensive to maintain all those toxic relationships. >> What goes through their head when it the head hits the pillow. [clears throat] >> Like like I was saying before, I'm lonely. I don't have any real friends. Everyone's just using me. It's a very lonely existence. >> Sounds miserable. >> Yeah. Yeah. But if a person doesn't know how to get real connection, they'll do it. They'll just keep doing it over and over again. The healthiest people who I know who are very wealthy are people who don't have that codependent need. They >> is that self-confidence or is it more than that or different? >> It's related to self-confidence. It's very close to self-confidence. Self-confidence is like the ability to believe in yourself and go and accomplish something and go do it. I would refer to this more as >> self-esteem. >> Yeah, self-esteem. Meaning, I know my value and therefore I don't need you to tell me I'm a good guy. Now, the people that I know who have that in the strongest sense are all people of faith. Mostly I'm thinking of Jewish people because majority of people I interact with are in the Jewish community. But I can certainly think of several examples of people who are not Jewish but they're also people of faith like very strong faith and from their faith they get their sense of worth meaning to say they believe in God. They believe they were created by God and then they believe believe in themselves as a creation of God. And that identity of I am God's creation gives them that sense of inherent selfworth. And then they're not vulnerable to trying to get a false sense of worth from from human beings. And those are the people who can have a very healthy relationship, business or social, where they don't end up paying through the nose for fair weather friends. And so much of American, at least American culture is trying to give you an identity, right? Have this phone, wear this coat, go to this place, right? >> Say these things. that is the result of an absence of an essential identity. Meaning all of these things are conditional. If my identity comes from the fact that I have a certain possession, I could lose the possession. My identity comes from the fact that I live in a certain neighborhood. I I could move. I could be forced to move. Essential identity means something that cannot change. It's unconditional. So if my value is based on the fact I'm God's creation, well I I'll always be God's creation. That doesn't change. That's essential identity. And the people who are impervious to all the vicissitudes of life and don't get roped into all the toxic relationships, those are the people whose identity is based on that which does not change. I am the Lord. I have not changed. Their their identity is based on God. And so th those are the people who are the most emotionally healthy, emotionally