MIND-BLOWING parenting lesson

I'll tell you a story about a teenager he was 17 years old and he had been through a lot he didn't have a good relationship with his with his siblings in fact they wanted to kill him they almost killed him and then in the end they sold him into slavery and you know who I'm talking about they saw the musical yeah I know and is a musical yeah anyways uh so yadik Joseph he he had a hard life you know uh one day he's out in the field shepherding with his father and everything's beautiful and they're philosophizing and they're they're studying the secrets of the universe together that's why they like to hang out and the the Patriarchs like to hang out in the field so they could philosophize and think and he's living this slow paced idyllic life and then the next day he's his own Brothers turn on him he sold him to slavery he goes to this crazy place I mean Egypt was just corrupt and he goes from living in a total rural area to this Metropolis this bustling metropolis and it's it's full of all types of lewdness and then over there he's uh he's a slave and then he's exposed to all types of uh Temptation and he's he's a very very handsome young man and everyone notices that's the first thing everyone notices about him and he's getting all this attention this attention for his his looks and you know you think about this here's a kid ripped away from his home from the stability of his home he's been through hell really he's been through hell and and I'm not trying to humanize the A and I'm not trying to psychologically analyze I'm that's far be it from me but I'm saying is if we could relate to the story for ourselves just for our own use to try to put ourselves I'm not trying to put YF into our psychology but I'm trying to put our psychology into his story and say you know how would you feel if that were your situation you're young your life is totally destabilized you're in a place of rampant Temptation um you have nothing you're a slave so you have no rights and you have no no respect and the only attention you're getting is for your physical appearance and people think you're beautiful and these people don't have very good morals and very good boundaries and you know you can imagine that combination of factors and and you're 17 years old you know you can imagine that combination of factors how that wouldn't really you know that wouldn't really go too well you wouldn't want a 17 year-old to be in a situation like that and uh so it's interesting we're learning the gamor sa right now there's a there's the agat over there that uh speaks about this tells this story about YF and it says it came to a point of it was just too it was too difficult for him and he had a lot of rationalizations and he said you know who who's going to know and his his master's uh wife was was pursuing him for an illicit relationship and he had all these rationalizations who's going to know and you know how bad is it when I you know I'm I'm a slave it's not like I'm a classy person it's not like I I'm a respect a respectable person I've nothing really to lose I don't have a reputation over here so he he's about to succumb at least but at any rate the at least according to one understanding of the story he's about to succumb and what stops him he he sees this is what the gamada says he sees the image of his father he sees the image of his father yino Jacob our patriarch and and then he's able to he's able to stop and it's it's a it's a it's an interesting story like again I'm not trying to humanize y's story I I can't psychologically analyze the oice but I'm just saying if I were to try to put myself in that position and try to relate to that feeling of being a totally destabilized broken uh downtrodden uh young person who's totally disconnected from anything that he's ever known um full of pain I mean your brothers tried to kill you they turned on you they hated you to that degree um you you're you're the you're the you're the the lowest level of society um you're to all of a sudden you're being exposed to all this stuff this confusing stuff and then you have an opportunity for some type of comfort or distraction the easiest comfort and distraction physical pleasure um and attention someone's giving you attention somebody's liking you even if it's for a very shallow reason but they're liking you they're validating you and it's an Escape it's an Escape and and it seems so reasonable that that would be almost an inevitability that the 17-year-old is going to succumb and yet he doesn't and what stops him what are we told stops him he sees the image of his father why is this what stops him so I'll tell you a couple a couple explanations that I heard and they're both I think really informative one of them is from the uh the EMS Yaniv of Yaniv ketki and he says something just very it's like obvious after you hear it but he says can you imagine the relationship that Yan Vino must have cultivated with his son with YF in order that the image of him should give him that power to refrain from sin in other words it's in a context it's in a context it's not out of nowhere you can infer from this story that their connection must have been pretty tight there must have been a pretty strong bond and jasf must have felt that his father's presence was meaningful to him I mean it's not his real father it was an image of his father what what's it's an image what's what's the image going to do can't tackle you he can't do anything you it it was the meaning what it represented to him that this relationship was significant enough to him that it stopped him and it gave him the power to overcome so you know from this you you you can learn that the the greatest power that a parent has in adding to the moral strength of their child is cultivating enough of a connection that when your child thinks of you that gives them strength that's something that means something to that because otherwise why why would it give him that push you know there's a there's a saying in education which I I hate I don't hate it but I hate that it's true which is people I'll tell you why I hate that it's true people don't care what you know until they know that you care it's totally true and it's not fair because really as long as I'm saying something true that should be good enough but in reality you can say things that are true and if people don't think that you're compassionate people don't think that you relate to them people don't think that you have their best interests at heart they won't listen to you even though everything you're saying is true you know that it's very frustrating what what difference does it make if I'm a nice guy what difference does it make if I've invested in the relationship I said something true you should accept it and you know what on paper that's 100% true but in reality human beings don't work that way human beings don't work that way in fact human beings will take into account more the emotional significance of the relationship than the intelligence of the person who's delivering the message to the extent that when they feel loved and accepted by somebody they'll even listen to and believe stupid things that that person tells them in contrast somebody could be saying the smartest things in the world but if you don't feel that they care about you you dismiss it it's not fair but that's human nature so imagine again not to humanize the obice but to put ourselves in that situation so we can learn something from it for ourselves imagine you as a father having that power that when your child is in a moment of of moral crisis and he has every reason emotionally to not be able to overcome it that thinking about you is what strengthens him to to be able to overcome that didn't come out of nowhere that must mean that there's a lot of currency in that relationship and that currency must have come through investing time and effort and it was it was conversations that you had and it was experiences that you shared otherwise out of the blue it's not going to make a difference maybe even to the contrary oh there's that judgmental jerk here to guilt me I'll show you how bad I am but the fact again it was just an image the fact that the image had that psychological effect you're talking about a father who really connected to his child so that's that's one perspective I'll tell you another I'll tell you another explanation of that same story and it's not in contradiction actually one complements the other they they build on each other the Torah tells us that when when YF resisted it actually uses the word the the means he refused and if you know uh the canellation marks the trop it has a shal shalis which means a chain it's shaped like a chain and it's sung uh like a double P it's like a very dramatic uh contralto so he refused you know like like dramatic it's a big it was a big deal what I'm saying is it wasn't wasn't like nah it was [Music] [Laughter] like he really had to he had to struggle took a lot of effort so I heard from the mashia Green Glass but it's a name it's in the name of the that YF refused is a is an acronym it's Ravis y is which means and YF saw the image of his father in front of him they going to say that I know you told me that's the gor um he saw the image of his father yeah no it's a little deeper than that Joseph saw the image of his father in front of him got to translate it a little bit differently not an image of his father but an image of himself held by his father m means he saw himself at that moment the way his father saw him so at the moment of moral challenge moral crisis and he needed strength what gave him strength he had a glimpse of how his father saw him and when he saw himself the way his father saw him he knew he was strong enough to overcome incredible idea here that the way we look at our children gives them a self-concept which they bring with them even even when we're not there to tell them the right thing to do YF was far away from his father but his father had implanted within him a self-concept think about how powerful that is to teach somebody how to have an accurate opinion of their own greatness because when you teach somebody who they are when you literally give somebody their identity in a positive way you gave them their identity that's that's that's huge you told someone who they are is a saying wherever you go there you are so think about it wherever you go there you are you bring you with You For Better or For Worse if a parent taught you that what you are is strong and good and capable you bring that with you into all of the situations of life into every challenge hey this is Shas tab you were just watching a clip from this class if you want to get the full context the full class that this clip that you just watched was from you watch right here click right here here