Letters of the Rebbe: "Anxiety About a Career" (Class 23)

Shalom. Good evening. Welcome to class number 23 of 30 letters in 30 days. We want to give some shoutouts to some meetings that have been going on around all around the world. Uh last night there was a group of women who met in Toronto, Canada. And tonight there's a group in the capital of the Empire State, Albany. Did you know that? And uh in New York, it's like upstate Muny is called upstate New York. So like what's Albany? I grew up in Chicago. They say just just outside Chicago, there's a place called Illinois. New York, it's even. Okay. And uh I believe also the last teen fabangan. There have been a series of teen fabangans. Some of the campus schlis have been meeting and fabbranging on zoom with teens and uh I think tonight is their last gathering of three or four or possibly more. At any rate, it's just amazing the amount of uh excitement and participation that's been going on during the past few weeks. and it will all uh come together. What was someone saying here? Uh we had I'm just getting this in Bam. We had a lively faban after deting on Shabas in the women's section at Anash of Airont for the last few weeks discussing the week's letters. More women are joining each week. That's great. Okay, that just came. That was hot off the presses. You know where Airmont is? That's upstate New York. Okay. Anyways, Monday a week from tonight is alfiss is the big women's gathering fabinum at the oil. We have secured a venue about a block away from the rabbis oil. Uh space is limited. So please RSVP. Please RSVP at 30 letters 30 days. Is it commer.org? Going to remind me. 30 letters 30 I'm putting it into my browser.com 30 letters30day.com without any further delay let's look at tonight's letter orvat like the always said I don't think the reb ever said tubishvat I think it's is the tree holiday as they say. I think there's a song about it. Okay. And but this is not about the trees at least not overtly. In response to your letter and the regards conveyed by your son, may he be well. Seems that the Reb had probably it was a Yehiddis situation, a one-on-one meeting where the Reb had already met with the son in this story and was now writing to the father of that son and the letter is about the son. So the Reb is speaking about this son and some concerns that the father has about the son. Okay. So surely your son is going to tell you what we spoke about. Nevertheless, even though your son's going to tell you what we spoke about, um you should carry out his will conveyed in his writing as well as what he transmits in speech or actually what I was saying you should um carry out. Yeah. Um, and I'm so basically whatever your son tells you, believe him. Like you can trust that he's going to convey to you properly the the discussion that we had. But I'm also going to add a few lines very briefly as time permits. Okay. Wow. One of the aspects of the qualities of this generation by which you can see, you could recognize how dark and redoubled, doubled and redoubled the darkness, the spiritual darkness is in our generation. This is a heavy thing that I've been saying. There's something about our generation. It's a common thing almost ubiquitous in our generation and it's really a sign of the times just how how serious the spiritual concealment is. And what is that thing? In spite of that which it says clearly in Tanya which is written by the alterba who is the decisive codifier both in the legal realm and mystical realm of the tyra and the gives the specific source in that's the fourth volume of the five volumes of Tanya in the 22nd letter of the rabbi even gives the page number kuflamadal in so let me just that's a long that's a mouthful that's a long sentence In spite of what the alterb who is the codifier in mysticism and in and in the legal realm in spite of what he said very very very clearly which is what what did the alterb say nobody knows how he's going to make a living now that's not originally the is teaching that's actually But the alterba brings that kazal that saying of our sages and actually points out that there are several things that our sages say nobody knows. And one of them is nobody knows what is going to be the way he makes his money. He doesn't know which channel Hashem will choose to send him his parnasa. And another thing that nobody knows this says is when Mashiah will come precisely the moment of Msiah's coming. And in that letter says you can learn from the fact that both of these are things that nobody knows that they're on par with each other. That just like nobody knows when Msiah is coming. That's precisely the degree to which nobody knows how he's going to make his parnasa or precisely what is going to the be the means for making his parnasa. Okay. It's meaning to say it is that unknowable. All right. So the Reb describes or this is a sort of a paraphrase of of uh [Music] The alterb compares the lack of knowledge of how you're going to make your living to the lack of knowledge of precisely when Mashiah will come. Go look over there. Okay. So, we live in a very dark gullus because in our generation in spite of the fact that the alter said clearly based on the go, we don't know how we're going to make our living. We don't know what channel Hashem's going to choose to send us our we don't know. And nevertheless, what do you see [Music] that at such a relatively young age? The young people are looking for their uh is very difficult to translate. You could literally translate it as a material ends or material goals. But uh what it really means is they're thinking what they would consider practically, but the Reb is saying is actually incredibly impractical and it's just a distraction and a time and energy sucker and waster and it totally distracts them from what is true happiness in life. as if they think they know the future. Really? You think you really know the future? And people go and adults go, parents go and they try to set up their child's education in such a way or set up their own lives in a particular way that that's how Hashem is going to be able to support them. In other words, if I don't do these things to make sure I have a very specific plan of a very specific channel how Hashem is going to be able to support me or even my children, if I don't do all those things, Hashem's not going to be able to support me. He won't be able to find ways to send me a if that were the only way. as if that were the only way that Hashem would be able to find a way to kindly and mercifully sustain and give sustenance. And it's just such a mishb says such a waste of time and energy. It's such a distraction from what we need to be focused on. And it is it is a sign of the times, an unfortunate sign of the times, just how common this is, how ubiquitous this is, that people are confusing and distracting and bothering children, relatively speaking, that they have to start thinking about how they're going to make a living when we know that that's unknowable. Nobody knows exactly precisely how they're going to make a living. By the way, just for fun, just for my own amusement, I looked it up just uh I wanted to see what percentage of college graduates use their degree and actually are employed in the field in in any field that is related to their major. So, I found a study that was uh quoted in a report of the Federal Reserve Bank of New York and written up in a in an article in the Washington Post. So, over there it says that only 62% of college graduates actually get a job that requires a college education. Okay, so that's interesting. uh almost half of college graduates end up not even using their degree at all. But what was actually uh I this was even a bigger number than I thought. Uh 72% of college graduates end up being hired working in a field that is completely unrelated to their major. 72%. It's wild. Um, so it just goes to show you that people really don't know what form the channel to receiving Hashem's sustenance is going to take. And so the Reb is saying that it's a real shame to bother children to start worrying about these things and to distract them and make this something that they should have to be conscious of. And in this case, as we're about to read, it's actually caused quite a bit of anxiety in this young man and is causing him psychological problems and perhaps even a psychossematic or histrionic illness. Um, but we'll we'll see in a in a second. Okay. Now the doesn't say the word but I'm saying yes it's true there is such a concept that Hashem will bless you in all that you do in other words you have to do you have to make a vessel in order to receive the sustenance okay that's true you do have to work you can't sit there and say that Hashem will deliver parnosa to my doorstep. You have to do something. That's true. But you have to start preparing close to the time when it's actually happening. Now, what does it mean close to the time it's actually happening? I don't know. The deb is not giving a number here. Not saying how many days or months that that means, but clearly it doesn't mean that a young person who is still being uh supported by his parents, he should not yet be thinking about something that's not relevant yet. It's just it's not part of his life right now and he shouldn't be thinking about it. and and and even then and even when it comes time that he should start thinking about it. Okay, let's say he gets married and he does a year or two in Kyo and now it's time to start thinking how is he going to support a family. Okay, fine. But even then when the time comes, don't do it in a way that's going to distract you from the things that are really important in life. It's very painful for me that all of this that I'm describing applies to your son. This is what's happening to your son. He's having anxiety about his future career and ability to to make money. And it seems this has been going on for years. Just turn the page. He's starting to worry and he's been worrying for some time and it's bothering him deeply the depths of his heart and it's causing him inner anxiety and the Reba says he may not even be aware himself. He may himself not understand how much it's bothering him. He's looking at the skill of of Jewish kosher ritual slaughter that he's learning [Music] as if that is the only way that's the only thing that his entire future to make a living will depend upon. And this I would translate this almost as subconscious thought. This thought that's sort of lurking in the back of his mind that this that he's learning is the only way he's going to be able to make a living. It's causing this lamentable condition. What is the lamentable condition? We're going to find out. He actually has um it sounds like hand cramps where he's unable to hold a knife. And the Reb suggests pretty clearly that it's brought on by the anxiety that the boy is feeling about needing to use the as a means for a livelihood. For now, it's possible that in his mind this is not clear. He doesn't even realize this is what's happening. But in my opinion, says the EB, this is the clear cause of it. When I read this part of the letter, I thought it was very interesting. We had a letter earlier on, one of the first few letters that we learned actually where the Reb was speaking about um Lum about secular studies and lamenting that children should be distracted from building their spiritual future by uh being taken away to to study things that are only really that the the only reason they're studying it is because people feel that if they don't study it, Hashem is not going to be able to give them a a way to support their family in the future. And if you read that, you can sort of conflate the two concepts. There are two concepts here. One is lum and the other is taklas. Let me say this in English. One is secular studies and the other is children worrying about employability. They're two separate concepts. They actually shouldn't be conflated. And here this letter is the perfect illustration because here there's no there's no secular studies involved at all. What is the person learning? What is the boy learning? Now is a mitzvah. It's a mitzvah from the Tyra to provide kosher food and to perform kosher slaughter. So it's it's a good thing. It's a good it's a beautiful thing. It's a mitzvah to know how to it's a mitzvah to learn. What the Reb is lamenting is that a young person is thinking way way prematurely about how he's going to make a living. So it's very helpful to have this letter because you could think that what was really bothering the Reb about this worrying about takas was that it made people learn secular studies. But here from this letter it's very clear we can separate those two factors and we isolate one from the other and you can see no being distracted with worrying about employability in the future for a young person is in and of itself alone by itself is already something lamentable even if it's not causing somebody to learn anything outside of as is the case here. the only thing he's learning, the only skill, the only thing he's learning is something that's a mitzvah to learn something that's that's written about in it's to learn it. And yet because the person is learning in in a way where in the back of his mind he thinks this is what he needs in order to make a living, the is saying it's causing a lot of problems. Okay, so I think that's very very helpful and very clarifying. Let's uh let's continue here. Wow. This when I read this line, I was like, you know, we could have a whole class, a whole evening just on this. It's obvious that I can't change his entire hashkafa. I can't change his entire view with one conversation. Especially [Music] when he's had this thought so deeply and for so long that he doesn't even realize how this this worldview that he has is antithetical to trust in Hashem. foreign. And in fact, this entire idea that he's harboring is against the belief that Hashem orchestrates and runs the world with divine providence. And if he were to realize how this idea, it's not a trivial matter. This idea flies in the face of the most basic faith in in in Hashem. If he were to realize that, he would immediately desist from it because he has shim. He is a god-fearing boy. So, it's it's very interesting what the Reb is saying here. This boy is harboring thoughts. if he were to realize the true implications of these ideas and how they are are absolutely uh antithetical to the belief in in Hashem running the world. This boy would never as as a god-fearing boy, he would never believe in such things. And that's what's so insidious about it is he let these beliefs settle into him in such a deep way in such a subconscious way that he doesn't even realize how spiritually unhealthy and wrong these ideas are. Okay, let's continue. [Music] Now like the Reb just said I cannot change his worldview in one conversation. So being that it is impossible to change his whole attitude, his whole belief, his whole worldview immediately. I told him that although I don't want to explain to him all of the above for for for various reasons that he should do a few things. In other words, the Reb didn't want to get into it too deeply because it's not going to be productive. So the Reb was holding back certain things that he's now telling the father. Um, I would have wanted to tell him, but it's just unfortunately he's he's at a point where these ideas are so deeply ingrained in him. It's not going to help to to point it out to him to that extent. So, so here's what I told him. Here's what I told him. I told him to do a few things. I kept it very simple. One thing I told him, you know what? You want to worry about forget forget it. It's not anymore. Something else. Find something else. Prepare for a different career. I wanted that even his intellect, forget about the faith because really from a perspective of faith, he should already know that we have no way of knowing where our parnosa is going to come from. But I can't get him there yet. That's just too that's that's just a bridge too far at this point. What I can do is just on an intellectual level, his mind is made up that this is the only way is the only way for parosa. So what I want to do is get his mind out of that and you're going to see as we read on in the letter I I I I alluded to it earlier that he developed a hand cramp where he cannot perform where physically he became unable and the Reb believes it's because of the anxiety. Okay. So the Reb says I told him one thing. One thing is forget about you're not going to make a living as a find some other cuz he should already be comfortable with that. He should already know that you might study and you'll make a living in a completely different way. But at this point I can only do it on an intellectual level. So I'm telling him like this at least intellectually understand. Well the didn't even tell him the the reasoning behind the just told him start preparing for a different career. But that I was telling the father the reason I told him to start preparing for a different career is because I want to liberate his mind from that thought process that equals my only way of making a living. So I want him to abandon that. I want him to start thinking about other ways of making a living. Okay. I wanted him to to realize that his future is not based on his ability to sh and uh that he should learn in yeshiva and know the laws of of tus that means animals what makes them uh kosher and non-coosher and the laws of raon oh I'm sorry since He already knows and so Mabon is he should learn now the laws that are typically learned by rabbis. He learned the laws applicable to a now he should learn the laws applicable to rabbis and he should prepare for taking the tests for rabbitical ordination. In other words, I want to get his mind off of the thing base. Now, here the Reb actually spells it out. If this lamentable condition returns of what? A weakness of the hand. He shouldn't fight it. He shouldn't try to overcome the weakness at that moment. He actually should just ignore it. He should say it's nothing. He should shrug it off. Should not give it any credence and therefore he shouldn't even fight it. And if he can't hold on to the knife that moment or even that day, okay, so he'll be able to hold the knife tomorrow or the next day. You understand the the the anxiety that this kid has about being his channel for Parnosa is so intense that it's actually physically causing him to have to have bodily manifestations of the anxiety. The Debba says it's complete anxiety. The didn't say to go to go treat his hand. The said he should just relax and stop obsessing on it. Stop proceverating on it. He should just tell himself, "It's fine. It's nothing. It's nothing. Okay, I can't hold the knife today. Okay, I'll hold it tomorrow. I'll hold it the next day. Whatever. No biggie." Gimmel [Music] to relieve him from his conditions of worries, anxiety and searching for a career and to bring him to freedom. Your son has to have a set time for learning which is called the soul of the and called the tree of life. And it has to be every day. If he'll do everything I told him, I really hope that everything's going to resolve itself on its own and you're not going to need anything else. There will be no further action required. Okay. Regarding his doctor's visits, seems that the boy was seeing a doctor because of this hand problem. I'm gonna tell you what I told him. I told him in my opinion that really he doesn't need this. It's not necessary. In other words, the Reb was really just sort of minimizing the whole issue. Oh, you want to go to the doctor? Go to the doctor. You don't need the doctor. thoughts maybe since he already got used to seeing the doctor. It's not natural for a person to just stop all of a sudden. It's very interesting this insight that Eb was saying earlier that when a person has a certain worldview that's deeply ingrained in his psyche, it's just not possible to talk him out of it in one conversation. And similarly, the Reb is saying here that when a person has this habit and he's going to the doctor, I'm not going to tell him to drop it all at once. What I did is I downplayed it and I told him, "Yeah, you want to go to the doctor, go to the doctor, you can go." Yeah, but you don't really need it, but whatever. Whatever. That's how you say it in English in 2022. Yeah, whatever. Yeah, doctor. Yeah, whatever. You should just sort of start spacing out the intervals between one doctor's visit and the next. safe until you'll finally just not go anymore. Hashem should give you the merit to have much from your children, from all of your children. May they live many good years with blessing. And that's letter number 23. Okay, we'll see you tomorrow night for another letter.