How to not RUIN a sensitive child

if you've chosen success as an adult by trying to suppress these character traits I want you to know it doesn't work if we don't clean this up then we give it to our children Carl Jung got his 80th birthday gave an interview to the BBC and he said that my entire philosophy and my approach to the human mind was already anticipated 200 years ago by a great Rabbi known as Rabbi bear of mesri meaning the maret now what did Yong know of the mot's teachings I have no clue I don't know what he was exposed to not sure why he felt that the mag TOA encompassed all of his insights but that's what he said said that's what he himself said so as I mentioned an shabis there's a there's a quote from Yung that the greatest burden on the life of the child is the unlived life of the parent and if y said that everything he taught was really fromus was really from the Magid we must be able to find that Inus and we should be able to find it it happens to be that we don't even have to look far because today shabas was and inish we have the answer or at least an answer a prime example of the UN lived life of a parent being a driving force in the life of a child we're told in this week's para that Dina went out she went out to see what was going on with the Canaanite girls the med says that they made a dance with music she was interested she liked music she liked dance and she went to go see was going on and she was kidnapped by the son of the local Chieftain and she was violated and it's a terrible tragic story but the Torah tells us that Dina basa why basa not basan because like a mother like a daughter or what do they say in English like mother like daughter that she was a chip off the old block then Dena was like her mother how is she like her mother Dina also or Leia also went out she was very outgoing when she wanted to have more children with Yan Vino with our patriarch Jacob she approached him and she said I've uh obtained the rights for tonight and I I'd like to have more children she was very outgoing very unconventional and um we actually know that she had a sister a younger sister Leia's younger sister of course was Ro that really she had always been the interesting one for her whole life even when they were children Ro it tells us was which means beautiful but it doesn't just meet her physical appearance it means that too but it means her personality raahul was conventionally appealing in every way her personality she was the type of kid who's easy to raise so she was a type of kid who's naturally a good student naturally charismatic people like her ro means a sheep she was perky she was bouncy like a sheep very cute very lovable fun meanwhile Leia says that she had soft eyes that means blury eyes and the commentaries tell us from crying from tears why dides she have tears so simple reason which is also related to the deeper reason is that her whole life people were playing Matchmaker with her they said oh look it's so cute Ro and Leia are sisters Yan and ASV Jacob and Esau are brothers so Yan you know he's the straight shooter he's ish he was a a learner he sat in Yeshiva he learned he was a conventionally good boy so they said let's the conventionally good boy with the conventionally good girl and they'll have a conventionally good home beautiful meanwhile Leia was unconventional so people said oh let's put her with ASV ASV was a wild guy he was an is a hunter what kind of job is that for a nice Jewish boy and so they said let's put Leia with Asa and she didn't want to go with this Wild guy so she was crying but on a deeper level we find out out that really the reason that she was crying about that was because she took it personally that her whole life she wanted to be normal like rle like her cute younger sister who outshined her she just wanted to be the good kid than people liked and instead she was unconventional we're told also crying the fact that she was crying is the sign of a of a balcha someone who's a true penitent cries was like Aus a righteous girl meaning you have two paradigms the girl who gets everything right the first time she's happy no mistakes nothing to fix nothing to repair that's R Leia is the one who's Rough Around the Edges she makes mistakes she falls she gets up she dusts herself off she tries to to go forward again but she you know she's outgoing so she takes risks and she experiments and you know she's a little bit scarier to raise and a little bit more unpredictable and not all the teachers necessarily get along with her and you know the type and so when they said oh you know who you'd be good for let's put you with asov that was the deepest insult to her because that was touching her nerve the basic Al everything she feared the worst thing you could say to Leia was basically exposing this concept that she was offbeat that she was different and once you say go with Asa that's it that's her that's her most sensitive issue so she ran from that she absolutely ran from that and what we're told is that unfortunately she ran from her Destiny because she was offbeat and unconventional and daring and bold enough that she actually could have transformed as we know that y loved as he saw something he saw a light in him but it was a frenetic chaotic light it's called in and and it wasn't channeled ASF was a very lofty soul but his energy was chaotic energy and he needed to channnel it he couldn't Channel he didn't Channel it successfully Leia if she would have been married to ASA she would have helped him to channel it because she was also out of the box but she she resisted that she ran from it so what happens she has a daughter Dena and Dena is a replica of her mother of Dina is also unconventional and outgoing and she hears the music of the Canaanite girls and she wants to check it out she's curious she's not afraid she wants to go see what's happening Dena had the potential to do what her mother ran away from when they had their Showdown with ASV yank Rino took his daughter Dena and literally put her in a box Dena was like Leia she was out of the box and Yan literally hid her in a box not to oppress her not to not to to take away anything from her but to the to the contrary he was protecting her he knew that she was uh liable to attract the wrong attention so he wanted to hide her he wanted to protect her and what loving father wouldn't want to protect his daughter the problem is in hiding her from asov they missed it the second time she had the same power her mother had and if she would have married ASA she could have transformed him and we all know that when yanov had a showdown with asov yanov said I'm ready for messiah are you and asov wasn't ready for mhi if ASF would have married Leia or Dina ASF would have been ready for msah mhia would have been here already thousands of years ago and we're told that because Yu hid din in a box what befell him that eventually ultimately this tragedy where she was kidnapped by the local Canaanite chieftain in other words when there's a child who has has an unconventional unusual light and we try to hide it because we're afraid it doesn't make things better first of all the very thing that we were afraid of ends up happening anyway God forbid in the end she was who she was she went out she was curious she checked out the scene there was no way you were going to suppress that forever so that's first of all the thing we were afraid of and tried to prevent it happens anyway but second of all probably more importantly The Incredible Gift that this child has for the world the world ends up never receiving Dena had a gift like her mother had a gift that she could have brought Messiah she wasn't given that opportunity so we have to think how many of us have children who don't fit the mold children who have a special light maybe they're extra sensitive they they feel things more deeply Maybe like Leia they're crying a lot because you know they're in pains like that they're not the perky happy kid they're the the kid who feels everything incredibly deeply the hsps the highly sensitive people right and they have these quirky talents and they're interested in all types of unconventional things and and schools don't know what to do with them sometimes and we don't know what to do with them sometimes but allowing these children to shine their light can bring Messiah and by the way just so you know nothing against the rul Paradigm we need rles too we need the type A personalities we need the organized people otherwise nothing would get done we need people who know how to make small talk and chitchat and of course we need those people you know the head counselor types of course we need that but I don't feel like they need such a strong Advocate and if the time will come when they do need an advocate I'll advocate for them as well although I will admit a bias that I do have a certain affinity for the Leia Paradigm because that's me cuz I'm not a normal guy and bem I found ways of channeling it I found I found my gifts and I use them in ways that I hope help people but uh and if you want me to get really personal I can but um should I well okay this is just cinnamon tea by the way but that's All I Need by the way I don't even need more than cinnamon tea that's it I was spicy okay a shopice like this is is is is hard for me because there's a lot of people there's there's a lot of human beings a lot of human energy and just being in a space with a lot of people is like being in a room with hundreds of radios all on full blast playing different music and and news and it it's it's overwhelming um after a shabas like this I'll be knocked out for a good week I have to stay home and stay away from any human energy other than basically my own family um just because it it affects me that way so obviously as you could imagine this is this like to uh indulgent you asked me to be personal it's okay all right you'll let me know when I because that's another one of my issues is that I I have certain blind spots and I don't know when I'm revealing too much or being cringey so you'll let me know the people online by the way they're very very good at that they always let me know when I'm being cringey I get plenty of cyber bullying they those people don't hold back they'll let you know the minute you bore them or say anything they don't like they'll leave cruel comments thank you cruel cyber bullies for giving me me a reality check thank you okay um so that's tough for me right that's but at the same time I've realized how to use that as a gift like the fact that I'm able to feel things acutely and to pick up on things very very rapidly and uh to feel what people are feeling um so I've been able to use that to help people sometimes I'm able to have insights and it's it sometimes people come they'll talk to me and I'll I'll speak to them for you half an hour and uh I can I never tell them anything by the way original I never tell people something that they didn't already tell me I just absorb it and tell it back to them and they say wow that was amazing oh yeah it was amazing because it was the person's own wisdom I was just saying it back to them but sometimes they don't hear themselves talk so I absorb it I give it back to them and they say ah that was such Clarity you changed my life okay great I'm glad that that that did it for you but that that's an example of something that for me you know everything's a double-edged sword and if I only knew how it made me an introvert and made it impossible to function at Social Gatherings and made me allergic to going to weddings and things like that you know that would be pretty terrible but when you discover how to use your uh your talent right when Dumbo figures out that the big ears help him fly so it's a modern myth but it resonates for a reason so what I'm telling you is that was that enough personal confession okay all right what I'm telling you is first of all there are children who who have special gifts and we need to celebrate them and we need to give them opportunities to channel their gifts every weakness is a strength every weakness is a strength if you know how to use it but then the other thing I want to tell you is this and this is where I started I said that uh Yung said that the unlived life of the parent is the greatest burden on the child some of you are also leas and denas and you haven't made peace with that in yourself and what I'm telling you is that they call it masking assuming a personality for the public that's more socially acceptable we all do it to an extent some of us do it constantly which makes things uh very difficult very exhausting to have to see rul you put her in a social setting and she shines automatically effortlessly in fact she's energized by being in a social setting it gives her energy you take Leia you put her in a social setting and uh if she's gonna be herself with her weepy blury eyes everyone's going to say what a weirdo so she has to adhere to social norms so people think she's polite you know how many times in my life I've got from people why were you mad at me I wasn't mad well I I said hello to you and you you scowled first of all I probably didn't see you second of all when was it in public I was probably overwhelmed by the way I want to apologize right now it's not even a joke and I know everyone's going to laugh like it's a joke I'm not even joking to everybody who came over to me and tried to talk to me earlier tonight I apologize if I was Gruff I'm I'm sure I I probably snapped a few people just not intentionally but being like you know that face you know but that's just the being overwhelmed just getting a lot of intent signals so uh what I'm saying is if you're like that and I know some of you are probably the back row is like all like that right yeah the back row back of the bus yeah I do the same thing by the way if I like a speaker I walk I Pace in the back it's the only way I can do it I'll sit in the front row I'll give you eye contact I'll play you know I'll play like a good boy but I didn't hear a word if I want to hear you stand in the back and Pace that's how I do it got to do it that way um so if you're like that and for whatever reason you experienced shame for being that way or the social rejection of being that way was so painful you made a vow to yourself never to be your true self again and you suppressed your light I know that there many people here who have no idea what I'm talking about right now and I'm grateful I'm grateful to the people who have no idea what I'm describing right now but if you are kind of a person who learned early on that there were certain Unwritten rules of life that everybody knew except for you if you realize somehow you were missing social cues that everyone knew and you were totally oblivious but at the same time you were super aware of tiny little details that nobody noticed you know the complete extreme opposites on one hand you're missing things that are as obvious as day and the other hand you're totally aware of stuff tiny little details to the point where people say are you psychic not psychic it's called pattern recognition when this is how you navigate life it takes me 15 seconds to understand what you're going to say for the next 15 minutes but it's another fault it sounds arrogant it's not I promise you people have energy and people tell you a lot and within 15 seconds you pretty much know where they're going to go for the next 15 minutes maybe even for the next 15 hours like you can read it all very quickly but at the same time you know I can get lost in my own neighborhood okay so if this is you if you relate to this on any level what I'm trying to tell you is this if you've chosen success as an adult by trying to suppress these character traits I want you to know it doesn't work because Leia tried the same thing she said I'll marry yanin and I'll be normal and sooner or later someone's going to have to to deal with this if it's not you it's going to be your child the unlived life of the parent is the greatest burden on the child so if we don't clean this up then we give it to our children and any loving parent would take on all the pain in the world to avoid their child having even one iota of pay so isn't it better that we just learn how to embrace ourselves and be authentic rather than handing down something to our child that our child doesn't even understand what it is that's mysterious and confusing and here's what I want to explain to you when I say to embrace yourself and to be yourself and to be authentic I know there's a lot of here hear that is like a license to just go wild and want and abandon and flouting the rules it's not what I'm saying I didn't even imply it I didn't even think it not what I'm thinking when I say to embrace your true self what I mean is this sin this teaches us how to look at our entire selves seeus gives us light to see and to confront all of us and ultimately to find the purpose for which Hashem created every one of us and even within one of us on a more detailed level every character trait that you have was created for hashem's Glory when we run from it and suppress it then unfortunately God forbid it gets Mis channeled and it comes out in Dysfunctional ways like happened to Dina but if you could just admit that it's there that you have this quality this talent and that if Hashem gave it to you it has to have a purpose there has to be a way of using it for hashem's Glory there has to be a way of using it for the sake of Heaven there has to be is is a is a system this is a a manual for living it's not just something you learn for inspiration I think that's a common misconception cus guides us on a path how to look within ourselves and to make sure that every layer and level of self whether it's Behavior which is the most obvious level because it's external or it's our emotions which is more interior or even our intellect which is even more internal than emotions and then even subconscious levels the makim if you use the cabalistic terms this teaches us how to shine a light on every level of our Persona and to make sure that it's being used in a Godly way that it's being channeled properly so embracing yourself doesn't mean let it all go and do whatever you want and there are no more rules anymore God forbid embracing yourself means that you're not broken you're not defective you're not weird you are perfect you are just as Hashem made you and you have a moral obligation that every one of your character traits be used for goodness we have free choice yes there is such a thing as a bad Choice there is there is such a thing as something you shouldn't do you're not allowed to do that's prohibited but you know what that is that's when we take a character trait that could have been channeled in a productive way and that energy gets pent up and it comes out in a way that we didn't anticipate it it it forces itself out and doesn't absolve us of accountability obviously we're accountable we have free choice I'm not here to take away anybody's accountability there there's scar Vish reward and Punishment cause and effect all of these things are true what I'm saying is because there's accountability so you know what you're also accountable for you're accountable for looking deep within yourself and and and accepting who you are and that Hashem didn't make a mistake and figuring out how to use that in a way that brings glory to Hashem in a way that benefits the world in a way that brings BRS mhia closer in a way that makes AES that shows the world that Hashem and and yish kite are a force for goodness so don't be afraid of yourself don't fight yourself don't be allergic to yourself I had a whole wacky Theory that uh I'm going to get really wacky over here this is why so many so many of us have autoimmune disorders I was diagnosed with juvenile rheumatoid arthritis when I was 12 it's an autoimmune disorder I won't disclose medical history of the rest of my family but uh you know especially among Jews I'm sure you know somebody with crohn's or IBS sometimes diabetes comes on as an autoimmune disorder what is that why does your god-given body want to fight itself why does this miracle called the immune system attack its own body there there there's a there's a an inner conflict and it's not just happening on the physiological level it's mirroring that's the lower level manifestation it's happening emotionally and cognitively and even on spiritual levels so it's time it's time for the healing to happen this generation is the generation of healing and it's time to figure out why hasem made you the way that you are and what your special gift is and your special light hating yourself suppressing yourself fighting yourself it's not healthy and really it's not the way to bring mssiah because when Messiah comes everything will be perfected everything will be finally set right it'll go back to the way that it was supposed to be but even better Gus the Exile is where things are dysfunctional and we're constantly trying to correct them and to force them to work GIS is one long multi- Millenia long struggle to take things that are broken and just try to make the best of it try to make it work somehow just strong arm it force it Gula is when everything is right in the world and it it's actually the most natural state of being it's intuitive unfortunately we've been in gas so long that we have now this gullis mentality that has covered up our natural intuition but that's why we have to learn sis the teachings of the Bal we have to listen to the so language and to see the truth and to absorb the truth and to start to see things from a Gula perspective teachings ofus are a foretaste of Messiah just like ad of chabas it's a mitzva The Taste from all the dishes that you cooked for chabas so too before Messiah comes we have a Mitzvah to taste the clarity that's going to abound in the world when Messiah comes we have midst with a taste that clarity now to see what's good to see what's right to see that being aligned with hashem's Will is the most natural pleasurable thing in the world not a struggle it's it's you it's your authentic self Gess is a struggle mhia is we can we can finally breathe we can finally breathe so we have the tools today we have the tools to see how everything has its purpose everything has its place when the Alba was redeemed from prison he was saying to hel him you know why because the whole time he was in prison he said aot to tell him and it happened to be happened to be one of the main teachings of the B is the nothing happens to be it's all when they came to the cell to free the Al he was reading a particular verse the verse is from chapter 55 of Psalms King David said this but the words resonate through the ages my soul was redeemed in peace what does that mean not just my soul was redeemed Shalom My Soul was redeemed in peace it was a peaceful Redemption this is the it's the peaceful Redemption of every one of us and every detail of your personality redeem redeeming it means taking it out of the box and using it for what Hashem intended to be used for and when this happens it should be peaceful it should feel natural it should feel like coming home and that's what it is mhia is coming home so each one of us has to come home to ourselves and have a peaceful personal Redemption it's not a struggle it's peace it's peaceful it's shabas like shabas shabas is a day of man of tranquility and that that's what we're starting to taste now as mhia is getting closer no more struggles peace wholeness it's the same word really shal shal it's the same word peace and wholeness is one word completeness being your true self I wonder if we could get the crowd singing shom We Do [Music] [Applause] It